Childrens Hospital (2010) s05e03 Episode Script
C-Word
Previously on "Childrens Hospital" Attention staff It's 7:00 A.
M.
Rise and shine.
That is all.
Night shift.
Brutal.
I bet.
Good night.
- Hey, O! - Hey.
- Blake, watch out! - Huh? Oh! Oh, no! Oh, man.
What is this? Some kind of Buster Keaton movie? Hey, hey, what's next? A banana peel? Blake! Aah! Oh, my face! Oh, my God! Oh.
That's fine.
It's fine.
Attention staff It's 7:00 A.
M.
Rise and shine.
That is all.
That's the same song they played yesterday.
That's weird.
Night shift.
Brutal.
Good night.
Hey, O! Wait a second.
This all happened yesterday.
Am I stuck in some sort of time loop? Blake, watch out! Whoa! Whoa.
Thank you.
I think I'm trapped in some sort of a time loop.
Yeah, okay, cool.
I can practice this day as much as I want.
Yeah, all right.
- Yeah! - Yeah.
Whoa-ho! Not gonna make the same mistake I did yesterday, smashing through a plate of glass like some 21st century's answer to Charlie Chaplin.
Whoa! Aah! Oh, my God! I'm pretty sure my bone is sticking out of my leg! Oh, my God, I'm so scared! Hey, Owen! Do you have any special skills or talents you want to perform for the troops in today's show? I wish I could play the trumpet.
Great! Your wish is my command.
I didn't know he could play the trumpet.
That's great.
Guess I better learn to play the trumpet.
Good thing I have an eternity to practice.
Glenn! Do not make me sorry that I put you in charge of booking this show.
Where are the celebrities? Planes running a little late, Sy.
- They will make it.
- Who's coming? I want it to be a surprise.
No, you don't.
Bono's hologram? Well, you know, it was just a little bit more difficult to book Bono than I anticipated.
Glenn Close? Who is he? All the good celebrities are doing this MTV-sponsored show for the troops in Dubai.
You better work it out, or I'm canceling the staff pizza party on Sunday.
No pizza? You monster.
Wait a minute.
- Owen plays the trumpet? - Yeah.
- Can't wait.
- I know! - Who knew? - It should be good, right? I think I might bump Owen up and then pop to Bono's hologram, then end big with this Glenn Close guy.
Everyone, I have a message.
The plane containing our celebrity holograms has been shot down over the sea of Japan.
There were very few survivors.
Did any of the holograms make it? Bono? The hard drive containing Bono's hologram crashed.
Literally.
Such young technology.
That's it.
There's no stars and stripes show today.
I failed.
Don't worry.
You still got me for the big show tonight.
I'm off to my first trumpet lesson ever right now.
Oh.
Oh, Glenn, uh, since you're letting Owen learn the trumpet on the day of the show, how about you let me sing a song? No offense, Chief, but I'm sure you're a terrible singer, and people don't like to look at you at all.
You know what I mean? Dori, look at Chief.
I'd rather not.
See? She cannot do it.
Attention staff Incoming wounded.
Survivors from Glenn's failure due in two minutes.
These are the lucky ones who survived the crash.
The unlucky ones? Not as lucky.
Hey! It's international pop star Chase McKeever! Yo, yo, bro, call me C-Werd.
Everyone! It's official! This is happening! I've got McKeever fever! I'm gonna faint.
Someone catch me! You were going to surprise me with Chase McKeever? I am so pleased, Glenn.
Everybody listen.
I'm Dr.
Marnie Weiss, Chase's personal physician.
I tour with Chase so I can take care of any nodules and lumps.
On his voice box? Yes, on his voice box.
Let's say that.
I'm also his swagger coach.
Dr.
Weiss, you take care of Chase and make him brand-new, as long as he's ready for the show today.
We are not doing your concert.
We're on the first flight to Dubai to do the "MTV Salutes the Troops" concert.
Let's go, C-Werd.
Why can't you be more like MTV? Now I know how VH1 feels.
This is so hard.
The trumpet is a challenging instrument.
It takes years to become proficient.
That's okay.
I'm in a time loop.
Ah.
I got it.
Attention staff.
Never mind.
You're not worth it.
That is all.
Ooh! FroYo, yo! Yeah.
Aw, damn.
I got FroYo all over my Yo-Yo, yo.
Nurse Dori, would you please remove Chet from the Celebrity Room? Doesn't matter.
Our plane to Dubai leaves in 30 minutes.
I have McKeever fever! Did someone say McKeever fever? This guy again.
Yes, he has McKeever fever.
McKeever fever is a very rare, serious virus isolated at the McKeever Medical Conference in 1909.
Yeah, you see? Dori, quick Give me 40 cc of epinephrine and prep a tetranizanol drip, stat! The worst of it is over.
Thank you, Dr.
Richie.
Of course.
It's okay.
It happens.
You don't have to say anything.
What do you expect me to say? I'm sorry? I guess I'm the bad guy here.
Come on, Chase.
Get your do-rag.
We're leaving.
Could I Wait, wait.
Glenn, make this right.
The concert is in one hour.
Pizza party.
Pizza party.
Okay! Well, first up You know her.
You've probably avoided staring at her around the base.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Chief! Ha! Oh, my God! Go, Chief.
I am a poor wayfaring stranger travelling through Owen! Owen, are you ready? No, I can't play this thing yet.
But in a few more months of todays, I'll be ready for today's big show.
You're not in a time loop.
And I can tell by your reaction that nobody said that to you until now.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Well, cross me off the list.
Yep, okay.
I'm going home Chase! You you convinced Chase to stay? I didn't do anything.
Yes, you did.
You saved two lives today Chet's and mine, by teaching me a lesson about humility.
Yeah.
Let's make some panties drop, yo! What's up?! It's the C-Werd! You make my heart go up and down Oh, thank you so much.
Thank me after you meet international pop superstar Madonna! What?! Oh, my God.
It's really Madonna.
Let's keep this party growin' Please welcome Rihanna! Rihanna, too?! Touch me everywhere, man touch me everywhere Louis C.
K.
! Oh, Louis! Yeah, hi.
I guess I'm here so I'm standing next to Rihanna, which is I've never felt fatter and whiter.
Oh, my God.
He gets me.
He gets me.
Freddie Mercury! Ha! When I'm all alone He looks great! I just want Kleenex and cake.
That's all I want.
And international swimsuit supermodel Kate Upton! Br-br-br-br-br-br! When I'm all alone Everybody dance Touch me everywhere I have a house.
I have this It's a place.
I have it.
Guys, stop masturbating at me.
This is good.
I wish Owen was here to see this.
Hey.
Go find your friend.
Thanks.
There he is.
I'm never gonna learn to play the trumpet.
- Sure you will.
- That's right.
All you have to do is believe that you're a great trumpet player and you will be.
Right now.
Okay! Everybody dance I knew if you believed in yourself you could do it! Touch me everywhere My daughter is a bitch.
Touch me everywhere What a show.
Ahh.
I only wonder what might have happened between you and me.
Who says it's too late? Guess who's getting a pizza party.
Everyone, I have a message.
The plane containing all of the pizza in Japan has been shot down.
There are no survivors.
Did any toppings survive, or Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Stop it! I'm supposed to be Louis C.
K.
They could have got me, but they got me instead.
Attention staff If you were a Japanese woman with freckles, you know you have it pretty good, right? That is all.
M.
Rise and shine.
That is all.
Night shift.
Brutal.
I bet.
Good night.
- Hey, O! - Hey.
- Blake, watch out! - Huh? Oh! Oh, no! Oh, man.
What is this? Some kind of Buster Keaton movie? Hey, hey, what's next? A banana peel? Blake! Aah! Oh, my face! Oh, my God! Oh.
That's fine.
It's fine.
Attention staff It's 7:00 A.
M.
Rise and shine.
That is all.
That's the same song they played yesterday.
That's weird.
Night shift.
Brutal.
Good night.
Hey, O! Wait a second.
This all happened yesterday.
Am I stuck in some sort of time loop? Blake, watch out! Whoa! Whoa.
Thank you.
I think I'm trapped in some sort of a time loop.
Yeah, okay, cool.
I can practice this day as much as I want.
Yeah, all right.
- Yeah! - Yeah.
Whoa-ho! Not gonna make the same mistake I did yesterday, smashing through a plate of glass like some 21st century's answer to Charlie Chaplin.
Whoa! Aah! Oh, my God! I'm pretty sure my bone is sticking out of my leg! Oh, my God, I'm so scared! Hey, Owen! Do you have any special skills or talents you want to perform for the troops in today's show? I wish I could play the trumpet.
Great! Your wish is my command.
I didn't know he could play the trumpet.
That's great.
Guess I better learn to play the trumpet.
Good thing I have an eternity to practice.
Glenn! Do not make me sorry that I put you in charge of booking this show.
Where are the celebrities? Planes running a little late, Sy.
- They will make it.
- Who's coming? I want it to be a surprise.
No, you don't.
Bono's hologram? Well, you know, it was just a little bit more difficult to book Bono than I anticipated.
Glenn Close? Who is he? All the good celebrities are doing this MTV-sponsored show for the troops in Dubai.
You better work it out, or I'm canceling the staff pizza party on Sunday.
No pizza? You monster.
Wait a minute.
- Owen plays the trumpet? - Yeah.
- Can't wait.
- I know! - Who knew? - It should be good, right? I think I might bump Owen up and then pop to Bono's hologram, then end big with this Glenn Close guy.
Everyone, I have a message.
The plane containing our celebrity holograms has been shot down over the sea of Japan.
There were very few survivors.
Did any of the holograms make it? Bono? The hard drive containing Bono's hologram crashed.
Literally.
Such young technology.
That's it.
There's no stars and stripes show today.
I failed.
Don't worry.
You still got me for the big show tonight.
I'm off to my first trumpet lesson ever right now.
Oh.
Oh, Glenn, uh, since you're letting Owen learn the trumpet on the day of the show, how about you let me sing a song? No offense, Chief, but I'm sure you're a terrible singer, and people don't like to look at you at all.
You know what I mean? Dori, look at Chief.
I'd rather not.
See? She cannot do it.
Attention staff Incoming wounded.
Survivors from Glenn's failure due in two minutes.
These are the lucky ones who survived the crash.
The unlucky ones? Not as lucky.
Hey! It's international pop star Chase McKeever! Yo, yo, bro, call me C-Werd.
Everyone! It's official! This is happening! I've got McKeever fever! I'm gonna faint.
Someone catch me! You were going to surprise me with Chase McKeever? I am so pleased, Glenn.
Everybody listen.
I'm Dr.
Marnie Weiss, Chase's personal physician.
I tour with Chase so I can take care of any nodules and lumps.
On his voice box? Yes, on his voice box.
Let's say that.
I'm also his swagger coach.
Dr.
Weiss, you take care of Chase and make him brand-new, as long as he's ready for the show today.
We are not doing your concert.
We're on the first flight to Dubai to do the "MTV Salutes the Troops" concert.
Let's go, C-Werd.
Why can't you be more like MTV? Now I know how VH1 feels.
This is so hard.
The trumpet is a challenging instrument.
It takes years to become proficient.
That's okay.
I'm in a time loop.
Ah.
I got it.
Attention staff.
Never mind.
You're not worth it.
That is all.
Ooh! FroYo, yo! Yeah.
Aw, damn.
I got FroYo all over my Yo-Yo, yo.
Nurse Dori, would you please remove Chet from the Celebrity Room? Doesn't matter.
Our plane to Dubai leaves in 30 minutes.
I have McKeever fever! Did someone say McKeever fever? This guy again.
Yes, he has McKeever fever.
McKeever fever is a very rare, serious virus isolated at the McKeever Medical Conference in 1909.
Yeah, you see? Dori, quick Give me 40 cc of epinephrine and prep a tetranizanol drip, stat! The worst of it is over.
Thank you, Dr.
Richie.
Of course.
It's okay.
It happens.
You don't have to say anything.
What do you expect me to say? I'm sorry? I guess I'm the bad guy here.
Come on, Chase.
Get your do-rag.
We're leaving.
Could I Wait, wait.
Glenn, make this right.
The concert is in one hour.
Pizza party.
Pizza party.
Okay! Well, first up You know her.
You've probably avoided staring at her around the base.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Chief! Ha! Oh, my God! Go, Chief.
I am a poor wayfaring stranger travelling through Owen! Owen, are you ready? No, I can't play this thing yet.
But in a few more months of todays, I'll be ready for today's big show.
You're not in a time loop.
And I can tell by your reaction that nobody said that to you until now.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Well, cross me off the list.
Yep, okay.
I'm going home Chase! You you convinced Chase to stay? I didn't do anything.
Yes, you did.
You saved two lives today Chet's and mine, by teaching me a lesson about humility.
Yeah.
Let's make some panties drop, yo! What's up?! It's the C-Werd! You make my heart go up and down Oh, thank you so much.
Thank me after you meet international pop superstar Madonna! What?! Oh, my God.
It's really Madonna.
Let's keep this party growin' Please welcome Rihanna! Rihanna, too?! Touch me everywhere, man touch me everywhere Louis C.
K.
! Oh, Louis! Yeah, hi.
I guess I'm here so I'm standing next to Rihanna, which is I've never felt fatter and whiter.
Oh, my God.
He gets me.
He gets me.
Freddie Mercury! Ha! When I'm all alone He looks great! I just want Kleenex and cake.
That's all I want.
And international swimsuit supermodel Kate Upton! Br-br-br-br-br-br! When I'm all alone Everybody dance Touch me everywhere I have a house.
I have this It's a place.
I have it.
Guys, stop masturbating at me.
This is good.
I wish Owen was here to see this.
Hey.
Go find your friend.
Thanks.
There he is.
I'm never gonna learn to play the trumpet.
- Sure you will.
- That's right.
All you have to do is believe that you're a great trumpet player and you will be.
Right now.
Okay! Everybody dance I knew if you believed in yourself you could do it! Touch me everywhere My daughter is a bitch.
Touch me everywhere What a show.
Ahh.
I only wonder what might have happened between you and me.
Who says it's too late? Guess who's getting a pizza party.
Everyone, I have a message.
The plane containing all of the pizza in Japan has been shot down.
There are no survivors.
Did any toppings survive, or Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Stop it! I'm supposed to be Louis C.
K.
They could have got me, but they got me instead.
Attention staff If you were a Japanese woman with freckles, you know you have it pretty good, right? That is all.