Doc Martin (2004) s05e03 Episode Script

What on earth are you doing? It worked last night.
Well, it's not working now.
No I know! Here.
Now-Now just dance.
Just dance.
But sort of - Not No.
Don't - Erm I'm sorry.
I think it's actually making him worse.
All right.
You take him.
There Stir the baby, stir the baby Hello.
I'm afraid I'm going to need those.
Martin.
I've been thinking.
And I-I want to move to London with you.
Well we're going to move to London.
Right.
Just right? No.
Good.
Good.
Martin.
- No, sorry.
- Get him out of here, Martin.
No.
It's all right, it's OK.
This belongs to you.
I don't want it.
Bad luck.
You've got it.
It lives here.
Used to belong to Joan.
It smells.
And if it sneaks into my house and hides once more, I won't be responsible for my actions.
So erm Well, maybe it might prove to be of some use as a guard dog.
Some shifty young man decided to liberate the hubcaps from my car.
I've lived in London for 25 years and never had so much as a whisper of trouble.
I shouldn't worry about it.
A lot of the people who live around here are drawn to shiny things.
I once consulted a case at Broadmoor where the patient had eaten all the cats in the neighbourhood, so in the wider scale of things Even so, I'd rather not wait to find someone removing my light fittings or God knows what else.
Does it have a name? No.
Call it what you want.
Dr Ellingham.
- Ellinghams.
Ruth will suffice.
How are you, then, Doc? Come up here to get away from all the crying? He says good morning.
Well, you've missed all the excitement.
I had a visit from the local hubcap thief this morning.
Wh-What'd he look like? About your height, longish black hair no missing limbs or other identifying characteristics.
Disappeared in that direction.
The Dunwich's live up there.
Most likely Michael.
He's lived up here alone with his mum for years.
A bit old to be living at home.
Well, he's always been an odd 'un, that one.
I live at home.
Yes, well, I can't spend all morning nattering to you.
Not while I'm paying you by the hour.
Well, yeah, I was thinking about that.
About my hourly wage No.
Right.
You crack on.
I'm going to say hello to the neighbours.
Sorry, Doc.
I know I'm late, but it-it's a one-off.
It's your first day.
Yeah, and my grandad was supposed to wake me but he never - Get an alarm clock.
- I will buy one on my lunch break.
And when is that exactly? You've taken it.
If you're going to be late tomorrow, don't bother coming in.
Put the next patient's notes on my desk.
Is there any way you could keep the noise down? Yes.
No problem, Martin.
I'll just flick the switch on the back of his head that turns him off for an hour or so.
It's just not ideal when I'm trying to hold surgery.
Perhaps you could take him for a walk.
You're telling us to get out of the house? No not at all.
But er newborn babies find the feeling of motion soothing.
It's a fact.
Yes, of course.
It's not you wanting us out.
No, it's a fact.
Er you should send in your notice at the school if you meant what you said earlier.
I did, yes.
I've already written my notice.
I just need to post it.
Good time to go for a walk.
Come on then, Albert.
Albert.
We can't just keep referring to him as the baby.
Yes, but Albert.
Well, he needs a name.
Stephen, Paul, Michael, Elton! Whatever.
I imagine you have patients waiting.
Don't worry.
Don't worry, we won't be in your way.
What do you want here? Good morning.
This is private property.
And it's charming.
I live at the farm next door.
No, you don't.
That's Joan Norton's.
Yes.
And I'm her sister.
I haven't seen her around for a while.
Hadn't you heard? She died.
Yes, of course.
Poor Joanie.
You must be her sister.
Yes.
I left the kettle on.
Joan popped round with some veg sometimes.
Crates of the stuff.
Yeah, grew it in her garden.
And eggs sometimes.
But we never ate any of it.
Well, you can't trust other people's food, but you know that.
Yes, yes.
That can be a problem sometimes.
And it's not just the food.
It's what they think.
Sometimes it's just not very nice.
Sugar.
Please, sit down.
I wish I could offer you something else, but Michael still hasn't gone down the shops.
He's too busy creating.
Actually, his food is something horrendous.
I have stomach cramps most days.
I suppose that's the price of genius.
You should get a checkup.
Why? For the stomach cramps.
Is your son here? Why do you wanna know? Well - I don't think that's any of your business.
No.
No, no.
Of course not.
Years he's wasted on his art.
Doesn't have a job.
No, but he thinks he's going to be another of these great artists.
Vincent Van Van- erm Sometimes I don't think he's quite right in the head.
He gets that from his father.
Wherever he is.
When did his fath - Have another biscuit.
That was a gunshot.
Yeah.
Those are my hubcaps.
Are you sure? Michael's always finding things.
He found them attached to my car.
And now I'd like them back.
Right, then.
He says they represent something or other.
I-I forget.
Probably the fact that I'll be driving around with ruined hubcaps.
Lovely to meet you.
Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo.
I bet you can't say that four times in a row.
The spinning sensation, the feeling of nausea, rotatory nystagmus the eye is rotating towards the infected ear.
Felt like seasickness.
Er a bit, yes.
Yes, it is.
Calcium crystals in the canal fluid of the inner ear become dislodged, which affects the balance mechanism.
Crystals and canals in my ear? The next thing you'll be telling me is I've got a magic castle with a fairy princess of my nose.
Why's that? It's my first day.
Can you call back later? All right.
OK.
Thanks.
Morning.
Hello.
Morning, Stinky.
I'm mad at you.
You said you were gonna wake me.
Sorry, love.
Got lost in the land of nod, myself.
Won't happen again.
Any chance of slipping an appointment in for a decorated war hero? Go on, then.
So I just need to take these pills then.
Yes.
But what if I go on a boat? Cos if I got seasick on a boat and had this ear thingy, would that make it worse or would the two of them just cancel each other out? Are you planning to go on a boat? No.
Go away.
Next patient.
Mr Newcross.
Mr Newcross.
Come through.
She's probably got a good reason for being late your receptionist.
I have to say, I've heard nothing but good things about that young lady.
I know she's your granddaughter.
Right.
At my age you get a bit forgetful.
Take a seat.
What seems to be the problem? Well my elbow's fine.
So thanks for that, Doc.
And what's the problem right now? Getting old, Doc.
That's the crux of it.
The body starts rebelling, can't do the things you enjoy no more.
I love a good walk, see.
The French have a word for it.
What the matter with you?! Flaneur - one who experiences life by drifting through towns and cities.
Well, I'm buggered for that now.
She's a real beauty.
Bunion.
There's sign of skin decay.
You'll need a course of antibiotics and an x-ray of the metatarsophalangeal joint to screen for anything else.
I'll get the receptionist to make an appointment at the hospital for you.
And she'll get right onto it, Doc.
Louisa! Pippa.
How are you? More importantly, how are you? Is this her? Him.
I can never tell at that age.
Ooh! He's a little prince, isn't he? How are your nipples? Sorry? Mine were killing me with the twins.
Cabbage.
Stick it in the fridge, tear off some of the leaves and wrap it round the-the - you know, like a little bib.
Works a treat.
OK.
Thanks.
With all the trouble they put you to, it's funny to think the worst part is going back to work.
Just you wait.
I'm not looking forward to it.
Although, I'm only going to be there till half term.
We're moving to London.
This is my final notice.
No.
Have to have a drink before then.
Yeah.
I mean, we'll probably just sit there and blather on about babies and whatnot, but at least we can do it over a nice bottle of wine.
Tomorrow night then? OK.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Home to feed the family.
I envy you - only one.
- You don't know how lucky you are.
- Tomorrow, then.
Yeah.
See you.
See you! I've been having these pains, doctor, in my belly.
They're getting worse.
Your aunt suggested I come see you.
Any diarrhoea? No.
N-No.
How long have you been having them? Well, it's been about - Mrs Dunwich.
She won't remember.
Could you wait outside, please? Can't do that.
She needs me in here with her.
Has she been declared incompetent? She's fine.
I'm fine.
Be quiet.
Sorry.
Not you.
She says she's fine.
Out.
Now.
Shut the door.
I don't trust him any more.
I think he wants the house to himself.
Erm how long have you had the abdominal pain? I think he's planning to do something to me.
I see.
He has this look.
Anything apart from the look? He has thoughts.
Dark ones.
All the time.
Write that down.
Dark thoughts.
I'm going to give you a test.
Will it find out what he's up to? Erm I'm going to say three words and I want you to memorise them.
All right.
Apple, orange, pear.
I've got that.
Take this and collect a urine sample and when you come back I want you to tell me what the three words were.
What do you want this for? I need to check your kidney function.
A kidney infection could cause abdominal pain and a confused mental state.
Is that likely to happen, then? It's something to look out for, yes.
Right.
Yes.
How cheap was this? We're saving 60p a bottle, compared to the old house red.
I suppose if nobody buys it we can repackage it as fragrant paint stripper.
It's not that bad.
It's an acquired taste.
Just like the finest wines.
There you are.
Can you remember the three words? Why are you testing her memory? I'm concerned about her state of mind.
She came to see you about her stomach.
She's displaying paranoid behaviour.
Don't you get involved.
I'm her doctor.
You leave her alone and we'll be fine.
Do I make myself clear? Are you threatening me? Don't you speak to my boy like that! What? He's worth 100 of you.
Would you take a seat please, Mrs Dunwich? I'd rather die a death.
Come on, Michael.
Yes, Mum.
All right, Grandad? Fish supper waiting for you.
Apologies for dropping you in it this morning.
Are you trying to win me over with a bit of cod? No cod and chips.
You're nuts, you are.
Let's save the fish for later.
Gotta grab my purse and go get an alarm clock.
Otherwise Doc'll go spare.
I'd like just once to have a job that doesn't end up with me getting told to sling my hook.
Well, I can help you with that.
You just need a bit of get up and go.
Army issue.
I thought it had been at least two minutes since you mentioned the war.
Alarm clock's on me, eh? Cheers.
Louisa.
Louisa.
The baby.
There's someone in the house.
What on earth are you doing? Morning, Doc.
I'm here for work.
He's got quite a pair of lungs on him, hasn't he? Better than any alarm clock.
It's half past six in the morning.
Yeah.
I was gonna make a start on sorting through your patient files, then I heard the little fella kicking off, knew you'd be getting up Go away.
Ooh First you say I'm too late, then you say I'm too early.
Make your mind up, Doc.
Morning! Morwenna, I'm sure Martin appreciates your enthusiasm.
No, I don't.
There are boundaries.
I just figured - you're probably up and about, you might like a cup of coffee.
Do as I do - start the day with a strong brew.
Shut up and get out.
Fine.
See ya.
Don't suppose you'd like to feed them while you're over there.
Something about their beady eyes, their arrogant little beaks.
You're lucky they're still here.
Someone's taken your hinges.
Why would someone want to do that? Why would someone wanna take your hubcaps? You think it's Michael.
Do you want me to go up there, have a word with him? No.
You concentrate on mending the chicken run.
I can deal with the neighbours myself.
I'm sick of you going on at me.
Then why don't you just leave? Get out of my house! It's mine as much as yours! Why don't you leave? Your art is rubbish! It'll never make you anything.
You - What have you done? Hello? In here, Martin! She did it herself.
Do you know where you are, Mrs erm oh thing? I'm ever so sorry, doctor.
I wasn't watching where I was going.
Can you sit up? Mum.
That's it.
You don't have to look at me like that.
It was an accident.
Follow my finger.
She regained consciousness just after I called.
I need to talk to you privately.
She walked into the door when I opened it.
Did you help her walk into it? She wasn't paying attention.
Mum, would you like a scone, cos I just baked a fresh batch.
No, thank you, Michael.
I'll be fine, sweetheart.
I think we'll let Martin decide that.
Will you all be quiet, please.
You're not concussed.
That wound won't need stitches but I'll disinfect it and dress it.
I'll do that.
No, you won't.
I know how to do it.
I'm not stupid.
Her head's OK.
You can leave now.
Any more abdominal discomfort? Enough now.
She needs her rest.
Michael, please.
Fine! Finish your business.
And the stomach pain? She's been fine.
Really.
I have been.
Might need a new pair of glasses, though.
Silly old cow that I am.
What did you make of them? Well, it wouldn't be the first time a mother and son had come to blows.
It is a strange setup they have.
Well, this is Cornwall.
Even so, there's obviously some sign of mental impairment.
Early dementia.
I'll see if I can speed up her referral for a psychological evaluation and chase her urine analysis and toxicology.
And I'll cross them off my Christmas card list.
Bert? I-I lost my sea-legs, Doc.
Did you take those tablets I prescribed you? I was going to start today.
Well, get up.
I don't know whether I can.
Get a room, you two.
Grandad's got a rabbit to cook for tea.
Does anyone know any nice recipes? I like to I've never cooked one.
I could make it into just a stew, I suppose.
Veg and that.
Or fry it up.
They're not rodents, you know.
Some people think so.
They're game, which doesn't mean they're up for anything, although they do like to shag Mr Mclntyre needs his rash looking after.
Ick.
Don't forget his new prescription for that stuff I can't pronounce.
This lady has a bad back, thinks it could be a slipped disc or possibly a trapped nerve Shut up.
It's getting bad again, Doc.
Come in.
Who wants tea and cake? Sit down on the floor.
What? On the floor.
Since she didn't have the good sense, let alone the good manners, to take the tablets I prescribed you It was a new house red, Doc, that I was trying to - Be quiet.
you're going to have to perform the Epley manoeuvre If you do it right, it repositions particles in your ear and you won't have any more problems.
Er the symptoms are in your left ear so turn your head to the left and lie down.
Remain like that for five minutes and then turn to the other side No, wait! Remain like that for five minutes! Then turn to the other side for a further five minutes.
Am I meant to be remembering this, Doc? Yes.
A further five minutes in that position, then sit up straight for 30 seconds and you should be fine - For goodness' sake! One more time through that, Doc.
What are you doing?! Sorry.
Making too much noise? I was going to arrange your leaflets, medical magazines and journals, then I thought I'd make a cake for the patients.
Then I saw your pots and pans and I thought I'd give them a good clean.
How many cups of coffee have you had? Just the one.
Although, I did have a hot chocolate as well.
Mint.
Some people can't stand the flavoured ones, but I love 'em.
Have you had an energy drink or a caffeine tablet? Er Those drinks dehydrate you.
Stop talking! Look into the light.
Why? Just turn your head.
Your pupils are dilated.
Mydriasis caused by illness, trauma or drug abuse.
Have you been taking drugs? What are you saying? I don't take drugs.
Have you banged your head recently? No.
I did take a couple of pills.
They weren't drugs, though.
What are you doing? Accelerated heart rate.
You're fired.
What? You've been taking stimulants.
I've taken energy pills.
Amphetamines more like.
It is totally and utterly unacceptable.
Doc - I hardly think that's a sackable offence.
Come on.
You didn't think taking amphetamines before work in a doctor's surgery was a sackable offence? Really? Bert.
Bert! Wake up.
Doc.
The Epley manoeuvre.
What are you doing? My farm is not an art supply store.
Mum said it'd be OK.
I very much doubt that.
Fine! Take them.
I'm too old and too dignified to stand around arguing about chicken feathers.
How is she, by the way? Your mother.
Feeling better? She's great.
No need to bother us any more.
She says hello.
Mrs Dunwich? Hello? Shirley? Ooh! Shirley.
What's happened to you? He's killed me.
Doc, you caught me in the middle of a surveillance operation.
Penhale, I'm looking at the results of a urine analysis on one of my patients.
There's a high concentration of arsenic.
Arsenic? Do you have a case of poisoning? Haven't had one of those in a while.
Never, in fact.
Listen.
I think the son is trying to kill the mother.
It's the er Dunwich family at Cliffside Farm.
Roger that.
Thanks, Doc.
I'll take it from here.
No, you won't.
I need to go to the chemist to get some dimercaprol but I'll meet you there.
And, Penhale the son is possibly deranged and has a firearm.
If I get there first I'll wait for you.
What you doing here? Who are you? It's Ruth Ellingham, dear.
Shirley! He's poisoned me.
Your son? He put something in my food.
Weedkiller.
I'm dying.
Well, let's not be premature.
I'll get help.
Now, is there a phone up here, or only downstairs? Nothing to worry about.
Put that down! Hello, Michael.
You're here.
Again.
Yes.
I was concerned about your mother.
I'm sure you are as well.
There's nothing wrong with her! So there's no need to take her away.
I think she might be ill, Michael.
She's always complaining.
Yes, I've noticed that, too.
Must be very painful for you.
You know since I've moved here, I've seen so many guns.
Everyone seems to have one.
You need them for the vermin.
What kind of gun is that? Do you think it would be too heavy for me? Huh? Rats are getting at the chicken's eggs.
Can I? I don't know about that.
OK.
I just wanted to see what it feels like.
Knowing me, I'd probably shoot the chickens and miss the rats.
I've gotta warn you - don't go pointing that at anyone.
It's loaded.
Mum! We should help her, Michael, shouldn't we? What's the matter, Mum? Mum? Is she dying? You won't be able to manage without me, will you? You should've thought of that! Don't say that.
You poisoned me, you murderer! No, Mum.
No, Mum.
I wouldn't.
Why would you think that? She's delirious.
She doesn't know what she's saying.
She needs water.
Michael, could you get some water for your mother? I'm not drinking any of it.
He'll put weedkiller on it.
I wouldn't! I wouldn't! Even if I did, the weedkiller's Hear that? 'Even if I did.
' That's practically a confession! Just hurry, Michael.
Go on.
Get me out of here.
I'm working on it.
But we must keep calm.
Now, is there a phone up here? No.
A mobile, then? I-I think it's in my handbag.
Over there.
Just like me.
Never throw anything away.
I think your son is repenting, dear.
His fear of losing you is somewhat greater than his desire to kill you.
Why are you saying that? There! See? Weedkiller! If you plan to poison someone, you could at least try and be subtle about it.
No! Look, Mum, it's harmless.
It's not Michael.
Mum? Over there! What are you doing? Now, Michael.
All right.
Not ideal, but we can work with it.
Now, you watch him, while I go and - Stay there! I mean it! Not another move! Doc.
Doc let's not be hasty.
Caution is nine tenths of what it takes to stay alive in a potentially explosive situation.
You've left your lights on.
Don't hate me, Mum.
I'll be good, I promise.
I'm your best little boy.
Just give me another chance.
Show some dignity, man.
Hello! It's Dr Ellingham.
Er in here, doctor.
No, Martin! Help me! Head's quite a bit better now, doctor, thank you.
Glad to hear it.
Oooh, gun.
Get in here, you.
Over there! Go on.
Now er Mrs Dunwich.
Er yes You're confused, which is understandable.
You've absorbed a huge amount of arsenic.
You should be dead, really.
So now you're on his side.
Doc, Doc leave it to me.
I'm trained in the art of hostage negotiation.
Nonsense.
I see you couldn't avoid getting involved.
I was trying to help them, Martin.
Everybody, Be quiet! I'm gonna shoot the next person who talks.
But I'm innocent, Mum! Believe me Why would I want to hurt you? Because you're lazy.
You want the house.
You're just like your father.
No! Mum, no! I wouldn't I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, please! Stop whining.
What are you doing? Put that down now! For God's sake! What do you think I'm going to do? Throw it at you and hope you swallow some? Non-toxic, pet-safe.
And it's biodegradable.
Shut up.
No arsenic.
It's harmless.
What about my stomach pains? That doesn't prove anything.
What it proves, dear, is that Michael hasn't been poisoning you.
I told you, Mum.
There's a peculiar odour in this room.
I'm afraid that's the smell of murder, Doc.
It's like garlic.
And French cooking.
I think that it's copper arsenate and I think it's coming from this disgusting green wallpaper.
Which is lovely, Shirley.
They used to use arsenic as a pigment in wallpaper until they found the fumes it gives off kill you.
Fumes? No, you're lying! No, I'm not.
It lies dormant until it's disturbed.
How long has this wallpaper been like this? I started stripping it about a month ago.
Moocher doesn't finish anything.
And the abdominal pains, did they start about then? I-I dunno.
M-Maybe.
And I assume that the paranoia started then, too.
Wh The arsenic has affected your mental capabilities, Mrs Winchelsey.
I told you it wasn't me.
If you finished what you started none of this would have happened.
Maybe now would be the time to put the firearm down, Shirley.
Rubbish! I'm not falling for that.
Poisoned by the wallpaper Leave it to the professionals, eh, Doc.
Now then, Shirley What are you doing? Taking control.
I'm a busy man, Shirley.
Can't spend all day nattering with you.
We both know that the gun isn't loaded.
So why don't you be a dearjust hand it over.
Am I hit?! You idiot.
I never expected that to happen.
Here.
Not you.
I'll give you something to counteract the effects of the arsenic.
Dimercaprol.
It's a good thing, unless you want to continue feeling ill.
Good work, Doc.
I distract her, you get the gun.
Textbook stuff.
Good work, people.
Pats on back all round.
You all right, Mum? Yeah.
Of course I am.
There we go.
Up the step.
You have no right to send her away.
I need her here.
I can take care of her, you know.
Your mother needs to go to hospital.
She will recover.
And as soon as she is discharged, you can pick up your dysfunctional relationship where you left off.
No thanks to you.
What? Unbelievable.
Is he actually a policeman or just pretending to be one? Ellingham.
What? Right.
Try and get him onto his side and keep him warm.
I'll be there in a few minutes.
Patient.
Typical slacker.
Do anything to get out of mowing the lawn.
Got me bang to rights, love.
Lying down on the job.
Doc'll be here soon.
Good.
He needs to be set right.
He shouldn't have sacked you.
I want to give him a piece of my mind.
Grandad.
Morwenna Grandad Please.
Grandad No.
No, no, no, no Please.
One two, three four, five Please Grandad.
Don't you dare leave me.
One, two, three He just keeled over, Doc.
Do something.
Right Can you hear me, Mr Dunwich? I've called an ambulance.
When did his breathing get bad? It seemed like forever.
A minute ago, maybe.
Is he going to be all right? His pulse is stable.
How did you know to do CPR? I saw it on the telly.
Do you have any aspirin? Er I'll go and get it.
Doc! Yes.
If you don't give the child her job back I'm going to be waiting for you at the gates with a big stick.
You just had a cardiac arrest, you're in no position to threaten me.
Did you feel any pressure in your chest or pain before it happened? No.
Sure? Your left arm? It's been fine.
He's been overdoing it.
Scampering about all over the place since he started taking these energy pills.
Energ- Show me these energy pills.
Are these the one you were taking! They're army pills or something.
Grandad found them in his old stuff.
See? Definitely not amphetamines.
That's exactly what they are! You've both been taking Methamphetamines.
They came from the government, didn't they, Grandad? The handed them out to soldiers in during the Second World War to keep them going.
They're not for geriatrics and teenagers.
I was just trying to help.
You've given yourself a heart attack and lost your granddaughter her job.
That's really helpful.
Doc she didn't know.
She deserves a second chance, don't you think? She's a good girl.
Well, that remains to be seen.
Sit up.
Take this.
Thanks, Doc.
Here's some water.
How do I look? A bit flushed.
Pulse is fine.
Regular.
I suppose that's the closest I'm going to get to a compliment.
Regular pulse.
It feels all wrong.
Going out and leaving the baby.
You've nothing to worry about.
Apparently I have some medical training.
Make sure you check if he needs changing.
And read him a bedtime story.
He seems to like the one about the talking fire engine.
Highly unlikely that he can grasp the concept of a fire engine, let alone one that is apparently sentient.
Studies have shown that talking to infants can help develop their cognitive skills.
Yes.
To a certain extent.
Bye.
Er this is an article by a Dr Henry Wolfstein of the need to focus on cytotoxic therapies for cancer patients.
There's a picture of Dr Wolfstein there.
'Patients with advanced liver cancer who had not previously received chemotherapy were randomly allocated to three different regiments representing minimal, conventional and intensive cytotoxic treatments.
Patients with impaired renal function were excluded from the analysis and results were stratified, according to risk category, based on retrospective analysis of previous studies.
Results support the conclusion' Hello! Officer in need of assistance.
And some trousers.
Who are you? I'm Elinor.
His grandmother.
Lulu What are you doing here?