Grown-ish (2018) s05e03 Episode Script

1
Where are my headphones?
I have to have them here somewhere.
Where are my earbuds?!
I just put them here!
One thing I wasn't prepared for
in college is having a roommate.
Earbuds don't have feet!
Earbuds don't wander off!
I mean, yeah, I have siblings,
and I even lived with a girlfriend once,
but this is different.
What are you looking at?!
And that's because Zaara Ali
has always been a fighter.
She fought for her life in the hospital.
She fought to be respected.
She fought her way through the boys
for her spot on the field.
She fought for her identity.
Nice butch boots, lez!
Thanks!
And ever since we've become roommates
I said, what are you looking at?!
she's been fighting with me.
Nothing.
Are those my earbuds, klepto?
Uh, they're definitely not.
My grandma got these for
me as a gift for Easter.
Oh, Grandma got you earbuds?
My grandma got married off
to a man she didn't love
after her village flooded.
My grandma blew up a boat once.
That's neither here nor there.
Okay.
If I find out these are mine,
I'm gonna cut your
ear off in your sleep.
Van Gogh style.
Yo!
Hey. You guys like me, right?
Hey, boo, I got this one.
Hey, you is kind,
you is smart, you is important.
I am serious.
If there is one thing
that I have going for me,
aside from natural curls
and 6 feet of height,
it is that I am somebody
that everybody likes.
Everybody except for Zaara.
I mean, it sounds like a hater to me.
And you gotta know,
haters is gonna hate.
Say, "Later, hater."
And, you know, let that
hater be your motivator.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Bro, do you get all of your
advice from Lil Wayne lyrics?
- Yeah.
- Hey, I think it might be
just, like, a
straight-dude, lesbian thing.
What do you mean?
You know how, like, super-straight dudes
and lesbians don't mix?
It's like potato salad and raisins.
Like, you're not gonna eat that.
But But we're friends, Slick.
Nah.
Every time I turn around,
you just there, bam.
I gave you half my fries.
Well, then she has got
the wrong idea about me.
I am for equal rights. I
have voted for gay causes.
Bro, do you even have any gay friends?
My aunt's gay.
You're just not down,
bro. He's just not down.
Damn. Am I not down?
I've always thought there's
no question that I'm an ally.
If there's one thing I'm good at,
it's appreciating a woman.
Did that sound sexual?
I did not mean for that to be sexual.
Okay. You guys have given
me something to think about.
Thank you.
Hi. Yes. Can I get a Americano?
Heavy cream, seven
Splendas, a drop of caramel,
a dash of cinnamon,
just mix it all in there.
Don't judge me. I like
it sweet. Thank you.
So, dude, what are you doing here?
Do you have the day off or what?
I thought you had work.
I'm killing it so much
at work right now
This is a big mistake.
You can get your final
check at the end of the week.
Ohh.
I'm ahead on all my accounts, so
Ohh. Boss moves only, huh?
- Only way I move.
- That's what I like to hear.
So you got this then, right, boss?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got us.
Thank you. I got it next time.
I just I got that.
I just paid rent, and the university
only hands out checks biweekly,
so gotta keep the lights
on, even if that means
not having my razor
plugged in at the same time.
Yeah, I was gonna say, your
shit looks kind of patchy.
- That's not a nice thing to say to someone.
- Sorry.
- You know?
- My bad.
What are you gonna do?
Yo, did you see this? Look at this.
Global Studies Department.
"We've Got Them All."
We're not Pokémon.
Why are diverse voices only important
in the Global Studies Department?
Why doesn't the Chemistry
Department look like that?
Or Economics?
Yeah, no, the economy's
the economy crazy, bro.
But, anyway, things
are really fuego for me
right now professionally.
That's some Spanish I picked up
for one of our Brazilian clients.
I thought they speak
Portuguese over there.
Yeah, that that's the
point of the whole campaign.
It's to make Spanish the new
national language of Brazil.
It's a whole thing. It's gonna be fire.
I'mma take this. This
is my frat brother Ray.
Yeah. I gotta hook him up
with one of our clients.
Keep everything real.
Keep the synergy going.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know?
- Do your thing, man.
- Ray! Yeah, buddy. So, we're, uh
We're good for the interview
tomorrow at 2:00 p.m., yeah?
Great.
Amongst Dr. Du Bois' strongest arguments
for viewing this time
period as a success
is the establishment of
public education in the South
for the very first time, yes?
And one of the most overlooked
aspects in Du Bois' critique
of the historical
framing of Reconstruction
was how the Negro thought
they'd be overlooked
when trying to sneak into my class late.
That is the third time this month.
Guys, come on. This is a seminar, okay?
You can't get lost in the crowd.
I can literally see
every single one of you,
from Josiah, who still pops his collar
for reasons we don't understand,
to Jonathan in the back, who
sleeps with his eyes open.
He thinks he's fooling
us. He's fooling no one.
And to Michelle with the adult braces.
- Yes, ma'am.
- My name's Danielle.
That's what I said,
Michelle. Thank you so much.
Now, listen, I don't
tolerate lateness
not in my students nor
their assignments, okay?
My assignment's not late.
I just sent it to you.
What do you
Okay. Let's see.
Oh, hello, there.
You're just in time for my
report on W.E.B. Du Bois'
quintessential work,
"Black Reconstruction."
Prior to its publishing
in 1935, it was widely felt
that Reconstruction
had been a total fail.
This view was espoused
in 1878 by James Pike
in "The Prostrate State."
Gross.
That's offensive.
But it was propagated by an overall
scholarly acceptance of white supremacy
during a time of widespread
Southern disenfranchisement
for most African-Americans
and a gang of Caucasians.
Rent is too damn high!
So good.
In 1929, prominent Black activist
and all-around bad bitch
Anna Julia Cooper asked
There's nothing wrong
with lovin' who you are ♪
She said, "'Cause He
made you perfect, babe" ♪
Hey, roomie!
Welcome home to your safe space.
What the hell is this?
Well, I realized today that
I have never taken the time
to acknowledge you for the strong,
Indian-American, gay
goddess that you are.
So I decided that, tonight,
we are gonna make it
Room 212's first annual
Ally Appreciation Night.
What's that smell?
Oh.
Baby, I was born this way ♪
It's a vindaloo fondue.
I took all the curry
spices and mixed them
with a curated blend of cheeses.
Why would you fill a
200-square-foot room
with Indian food and cheese?
Bro, don't worry!
We will crack a window
during the after-dinner movie.
I've got the 2016 GLAAD
Award-winning film "Carol"
ready for us to watch.
Bro, I don't want to watch a
lesbian love story with you, ever.
And I'm not eating any of
your cheesy Indian hate crime.
Okay. I have tried.
I have really made an
effort to connect with you
and to make our dorm a
comfortable living space,
but you just don't
[bleep] with me, heavy!
You're right. I don't [bleep] with you.
But everybody does!
Why are you so against being my friend?
I don't want your lesbian love
fest or your anal organizing.
I don't want a BFF, and
if I did, it wouldn't be
- some silly-looking straight dude like you.
- Sill
I just want a roommate
that leaves me alone!
Fine! Okay!
You want me to leave you alone.
Then I will just leave
you all the way alone.
- We're done!
- Good!
Great!
Know what?
You don't deserve this vindaloo.
- Come on, come on. Got 'im!
- You saw that?
Yo, first the school disrespects me,
then this freshman disrespects me.
I'm beginning to not like
this whole adult-life thing.
Yeah, I mean, it just
feels like it was easier
when we were in school,
kickin' it and playing
video games all day.
I mean, that's kind of
what we're doing right now.
With the crushing weight of
adulthood on our shoulders.
Dudes, it is over for me
and Zaara as friends
and maybe roommates.
But you know what? I
don't need her to like me.
How'd he get in your apartment?
Well, Zoey made me give him a key.
I even have to put a deadbolt on
the door when I'm taking a shower.
He has no respect for boundaries.
What if I put in a
request for a room change?
What do you think
she'd think about that?
Nice. Giving her what she wants.
That'll show her who's boss.
Listen, freshman No, that's weird.
Junior. Listen, Junior.
Having a crazy roommate is
a part of being in college.
Me and my freshman roommate, we
didn't even last a whole six months.
- What happened?
- I don't know.
Something about him not
liking my freestyle drumming,
- which is ridiculous.
- Yeah.
Anyway, the point is,
roommate drama's a part of it.
Just don't let it
throw you off your game.
You just need to get with some people
who really appreciate you.
Isn't isn't the Shirts
and Skins Party coming up?
- Yeah.
- Oh, uh, that naked party.
Yeah. Is that a real thing?
Oh, it's real, all right.
Absolutely. And it's very ratchet.
Just ass and racks on display for you.
Okay. I can get behind
that. Y'all going or ?
Oh, no. Of course not, dude.
- I'm a professor. Have some respect.
- I'm grown.
Whoa! Get the bazooka! Get the bazooka!
Well, quit telling me how to
play the game and guard my six!
Okay. Good. Great. I am
going to a naked party.
Oh, that was close.
Hey, uh, future brother-in-law,
is it cool if I crash on this couch?
Seems like you guys are pretty close
to wrapping this game up, right?
Ahh. Let me get the
You need to change
the locks on your door.
You want to get in on this?
- I'm good, thank you.
- Okay.
I'm sorry for ♪
- Yo, yo, yo.
- Hey.
- What's up?
- What's going on, man?
Yo, I'm, uh
I'm truly grateful for this
job opportunity, man, really.
Come on, bro. You know we
blood in and out the yard.
- Yeah.
- And you've always been a hard worker.
- I can't knock your hustle.
- Well, this is much appreciated.
And I've already been
ruminating on a couple ideas
for, you know, your businesses.
You know, just some market
research and suggestions
for the next three quarters,
guaranteed to up your productivity
with minimal investment, bro.
Listen. Uh, I think we
got our wires crossed, man.
I'm just looking for
somebody that's not afraid
to get they hands dirty. That's all.
Oh, I'm ready to get straight filthy.
I mean, you know
as a barback.
You really gonna slap me in the
face with a barback position?
Well, it sounded like you
were in a real tight spot,
and it's all I got open right now, so
All right. Well, you can keep that open.
I didn't major in scraping jalapeño
poppers off of party platters.
Later, man.
Okay. Here we go.
I wish she would come in late.
Ooh, I wish she would. Come on.
Annika really about to come
into my office hours late?
She does not know who
she's messing with. Mnh-mnh.
Good afternoon, Professor Jackson.
So nice of you to carve out some time
in your busy schedule to
check in on me. What's up?
"What's up? What's up?"
Have a seat, please.
I'll tell you what's up.
You made a mockery of my assignment
and a mockery of the
great Dr. W.E.B. Du Bois
by sending in that bootleg TikTok
on some Black Reese Witherspoon ish.
I'm sorry My Black
Reconstruction project
is anything but bootleg.
These are what we in
the social-media world
like to call "analytics."
It tells us how many
people have seen our posts,
a.k.a. how many coins we can snatch.
And this shows how many views
my "bootleg" assignment has right now.
That's the number right
there? 100,988 views. Wow.
And counting. Since posted
less than 24 hours ago.
Not to mention 20,000-plus reposts
and 400,000-plus likes,
including one from Cordae.
And that's not counting
the reposts of the reposts, Professor.
Okay. So, what? Some
rappers got behind it.
That's great and all. You still dis
No, no, no, no. Not just rappers.
Real changemakers, like
Stacey Abrams, Color of Change,
and Rachel Cargle promoted it, too.
- Rachel Cargle?
- Yep.
Now #BlackReconstruction is trending,
right after #RiRisFeet.
Okay. All right. You know what?
I'm gonna be honest. When
you came in here today,
I was ready to just
just humiliate you, really,
make an example out of you.
But you have given me an idea.
- Wait. I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
You were gonna humiliate me?
Oh, yeah. It was gonna be bad.
Probably would've gotten fired for it.
But we don't have to worry about that.
Because you've inspired me. Dismissed!
Eh, yeah, we hot, know how we do it ♪
Comin' straight out the fryin' pan ♪
Top of the world, feelin'
just like I'm flyin', man, eh ♪
You know what?
Who cares if I have a
roommate who hates me?
I am a fun, likable guy,
and it is Wednesday night,
so I'm gonna have a fun time
at this Shirts and Skins Party.
I mean, obviously, it
is still a school night,
so I will be leaving by 1:00,
but it's a Hump Day naked party!
So from now until 12:59,
I'm gonna tear it up.
Bro.
What's going on?
Yo, I thought this was a naked party.
It is, but it's split into two areas
Shirts
and inside, Skins.
Ah.
This Shirts section's
pretty packed, huh?
Yeah, very few are brave enough
to venture into the Skins Room.
I'll probably head in, but
I'm too sober right now.
Yo, do I need to be oiled up?
I feel like a lot of
people are oiled up.
Chill, bro.
Let's get some Skins Room courage.
Okay.
You've gotta be kidding me.
I specifically went out
the fire escape to
avoid running into you.
What are you even doing here?
You just come to stand
in the corner and judge?
Um, I'm here to have fun with
my actual, chosen friend, Slick.
Ha! Your idea of fun is
studying for the SATs.
Uh, I'm tripping way too hard for this.
Trust me you do not want to air
out dorm business in these streets.
Mnh. I do not have time for this.
Come on, Zeke. Let's
go into the Skins Room.
I know Zaara doesn't
have the balls to go in.
Oh, my ovaries are bigger than
your "testicles" will ever be.
You should get that checked out.
Yeah, sis.
Yeah!
What you about to do, bro? Huh!
Shoot. Ain't no thang.
Hold that for me.
Unh-unh! No halfsies.
Should we sit?
Um, do we put a towel down first?
That guy didn't.
You know, when my parents
split, I-I took it real hard.
I think that's why I have
issues opening up, ya know?
- Oh!
- No, thank you.
- God, please, just close back up.
- Oh, my
Mnh.
I don't know what I was
expecting a naked party to be,
- but this is not it.
- No.
You have beautiful eyes. I
keep getting lost in them.
Aw. Thanks. I I keep getting
lost in in yours, too.
Oh.
Ugh.
- No.
- Just leave it.
Bro, just let it go. Oh.
Oh, that's so gross. That's
so gross. That's so gross.
Just get more guac.
Ew. What kind of hair
do you think that is?
Could literally be any kind.
Ohh
Do you wanna bounce?
Yeah. Let's get the hell out of here.
Yeah. Boss moves only.
Yo. What's going on, Pop?
There he is! Too busy to
pick up your dad's calls, huh?
No, my bad. I've just had
so much stuff going on.
I told your moms you was
just loaded with work,
- but you know she likes to worry.
- Oh, I know.
We're both really proud of you, son.
Your moms can't stop bragging
to the ladies at church.
It's It's really nothing.
But you know I'm always here
for you if you need anything.
Advice, money. Anything.
Actually, I
Nah, it's all good.
It's just nice to hear your voice, Pop.
If you think you're proud of me now,
wait till you hear about this
new client I have in Brazil.
No way! Moist chip.
- Yeah. Moist.
- Soggy chip.
Oh, this one broke apart.
You know what'd make
these nachos way better?
Mnh-mnh.
A dash of dude's chest hairs.
Revolting.
If I wasn't gay already,
I definitely am now.
Mm. It was like a
butcher's shop in there.
Just meat swinging to
and fro, back and forth.
You know, honestly, I did not peg you
for someone who would
go to a naked party.
I am full of surprises.
No, you're not.
No, I'm not.
But I'm also not closed-minded.
Look, if I was roommates
with somebody who didn't have
any Black friends, I think
I'd be a bit wary of them, too.
It bothers me that I
don't have gay friends
and that I've never
even thought about it.
So I get why you don't like me.
It's not that.
Balancing school and my
internship at the hospital
has been a struggle.
My whole life has been running
towards becoming a doctor,
and I feel like I'm tripping
at the starting line.
But what if this isn't
just a rough start?
What if I'm just not cut out for this?
Hey, as someone that
you've been pretty hard on,
I think I can say you're
being too hard on yourself.
I literally dropped out
of college on my first day,
so trust me I understand
what it means to get
off to a rough start.
You dropped out one day into college?
This isn't about me!
I'm just saying, I understand pressure,
and I know what it can do to you.
So if something is bugging
you, just let me know,
and I'll do what I can.
Anything?
Anything.
Can I borrow your earbuds?
I legit have no idea where I put mine.
Oh, you know what? Keep them.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Thanks!
Want to listen to something
together on our walk back?
Great. Let me just type "queer Indian
doctor playlist" into my Spotify.
If I didn't know you were joking,
I would punch your penis
back into your body.
Wow. That is harsh.
You're really harsh with the insults.
Come on, man. You've got this.
All right? You got nothing to lose.
If the school isn't gonna listen to you,
you gotta make them listen to you.
Gotta make this university live
up to its pledge of diversity,
and what you have to
say is more important
than any teen dance challenge.
All right. Here we go.
What are you doing, though?
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Y-You're a professor,
damn it. A professor!
You've worked your whole life for this!
Got a 401(k).
You're gonna embarrass yourself.
Just quit being a bitch and do it.
Ohh. You calling me a bitch?
All right. Heard ya.
Wakanda forever.
Hey. How you guys doing?
Professor Aaron Jackson here,
and today I'm going to be rating
Cal U's faculty diversity by department.