Keeping Up Appearances s05e03 Episode Script

( theme music playing ) GOOD MORNING, DEAR! I SAID, GOOD MORNING, DEAR.
TIME TO WAKE UP ON THIS, OUR SPECIAL DAY.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
YOU'RE PRETENDING TO HAVE FORGOTTEN.
BUT I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN THAT, RICHARD BOUQUET.
YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN MIND.
YOU'RE GOING TO SURPRISE ME.
ARE YOU UP? WHAT TIME IS IT? ARE YOU SMILING AT ME? OF COURSE I'M SMILING AT YOU.
BUT WHY ARE YOU SMILING AT ME? I SHALL GO AND MAKE SOME TEA.
A VERY GOOD MORNING TO YOU.
WHAT HAVE I DONE? I WONDER WHAT HE'S BOUGHT ME.
HE'S SO THOUGHTFUL, BLESS HIS HEART.
A LITTLE BOSSY NOW AND AGAIN BUT SO THOUGHTFUL.
I WONDER WHA THE SURPRISE IS.
PERHAPS IT'S COMING BY POST.
WE'LL SEE WHA THE POSTMAN BRINGS.
WHEN I'M CALLING YOU! ONSLOW, WAKE UP.
THERE'S A MAN IN OUR BEDROOM.
I REMEMBER A TIME WHEN I COULD SAY THA WITH MORE CONFIDENCE.
( groans ) WHAT'S WRONG? THERE'S A MAN IN OUR BEDROOM.
I THINK HE'S ASLEEP.
HE'S HAVING A BETTER TIME THAN I AM.
I'M NOT SEEING THINGS, LOOK.
NEAR THE WALL! OH.
IT'S YOUR FATHER.
WHY IS HE JUST SITTING THERE? THERE'S PROBABLY SOME VERY REASONABLE EXPLANATION.
SUCH AS WHAT? HE'S DEAD.
HE'S NOT DEAD.
HE LOOKS DEAD.
Daisy: HE OFTEN LOOKS DEAD.
- GO AND WAKE HIM UP.
- OH, DAISE, THAT'S ONE HELL OF AN ASSIGNMENT FOR THIS TIME OF THE MORNING.
ESPECIALLY IF HE IS DEAD.
WAS THAT THE POST? Richard: I DON'T THINK SO.
HE WOULD BE LATE THIS MORNING.
OH WELL, IT ALL ADDS TO THE EXCITEMENT.
AH, THERE YOU ARE, DEAR.
READY FOR BREAKFAST? JUST THE USUAL.
NO, NO, NO! NOT THE USUAL.
SOMETHING SPECIAL.
NOW WHAT WOULD YOU REALLY LIKE THIS MORNING FOR BREAKFAST? YOU JUST SIT THERE AND THINK ABOUT I AND TELL ME.
DO I HEAR IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE YOU COOKED ME-- COMING UP.
OH, FIRST I MUS JUST CATCH THE POSTMAN.
ENJOY YOUR ORANGE JUICE, DEAR.
ALL THAT LOVELY VITAMIN C.
SHE'S IN A REALLY GOOD MOOD.
I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL.
Hyacinth: BACK IN A MOMENT.
( footsteps approach ) OH, THERE YOU ARE.
A STONE IN MY SHOE.
OW! OW! OW! THAT'S BETTER.
DON'T YOU JUST HATE I WHEN YOU GET A STONE IN YOUR SHOE? I'M WAITING FOR MY MAIL.
HAVE YOU ANYTHING FOR ME? YES.
I KNEW IT.
HE'S PRETENDING HE'S FORGOTTEN AND ALL THE TIME-- - IS THIS ALL? - THAT'S IT.
THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE.
I'M EXPECTING A PACKAGE FROM MY HUSBAND.
SORRY, NO MORE FOR BUCKET.
- "BOUQUET.
" - ARE YOU SURE? THIS IS MOST INCONVENIENT.
MY HUSBAND'S ANNIVERSARY GIF IS LURKING SOMEWHERE IN YOUR SORTING HOUSES.
YOU CAN TELL THE POSTMASTER GENERAL-- I DON'T SEE HIM THAT OFTEN.
THAT HE'LL HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS! YOU HAVE A NAP.
YOU'LL BE QUITE SAFE DOWN HERE.
IT WAS TERRIBLE.
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT NOW.
ONSLOW'S HERE.
HERE YOU'LL NOTICE, WHEN I SHOULD BE IN BED, YOUR FATHER SHOULD BE IN BED.
I'M NOT GOING BACK UP THERE.
NEVER EVER.
- IT WAS HORRIBLE.
- NOW YOU JUST GO TO SLEEP.
OH, WHAT'S UP WITH FATHER? HE SAYS HIS BEDROOM'S HAUNTED.
HE'S SEEN SOMETHING.
IF WE HAVE GOT A GHOST, LET'S HOPE IT'S HANDY ROUND THE HOUSE.
WHAT KIND OF GHOST IS IT? IT'S THIS FIGURE OF A WOMAN.
WOULDN'T YOU KNOW? THAT'S ALL WE NEED AROUND HERE, ANOTHER WOMAN.
YOU'RE NOT STILL ON ABOU MR.
WHATSIT, ARE YOU? WELL, CHANGING HIS MIND LIKE THAT.
GOING BACK TO SOME REDHEAD IN POLAND.
( sighs ) OH WELL, MEN.
WHO NEED THEM? WE GIRLS DO.
YOU MUSTN'T BE SO BITTER, ROSE.
MEN HAVE JUS AS MUCH RIGH TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS AS US LADIES.
WELL, I COULDN' PRONOUNCE HIM ANYWAY.
WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT? SORRY, DADDY.
I'M NOT GOING BACK UP THERE.
IT WAS GHASTLY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL GE HYACINTH'S VICAR.
OH YES! LET'S GET THE VICAR.
OH, BUT NOT BEFORE I'VE GOT MY MAKE-UP ON.
I'LL PU THE KETTLE ON.
NO, I WANT THE SENIOR POSTAL OFFICIAL.
HMM? WELL, IF HE'S THE AREA MANAGER I SUPPOSE HE'LL HAVE TO DO.
THOUGH I SHOULD HAVE PREFERRED SOMETHING ON A NATIONAL SCALE.
WHO ARE YOU CALLING? A VERY NEGLIGEN POST OFFICE.
THEY'VE LET YOU DOWN.
LET ME DOWN? AND A VERY GOOD MORNING TO YOU TOO.
THOUGH IT'S NOT BEEN A GOOD MORNING FOR ME.
LOOK, YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS FAILURES IN YOUR DEPARTMENT.
THE SURPRISE FROM MY HUSBAND HASN'T ARRIVED.
NO, FOR OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
HE NEVER FORGETS OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
WELL NO, OF COURSE IT WAS COMING BY POST.
YOU'VE LET HIM DOWN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE PACKAGE.
IT'S A SURPRISE.
ALL I KNOW IS IT HASN'T ARRIVED.
YES, I'LL GIVE YOU MY NAME AND ADDRESS.
IT'S "BOUQUET.
" B-U-C-K-E-T.
NO, IT IS "BOUQUET.
" - AND MY ADDRESS-- - HYACINTH, I CAN EXPLAIN.
- OVER BREAKFAST.
- OH.
NOW I'M GOING TO COOK YOU A FULL I'LL JUST PU THE KETTLE ON.
NO, LEAVE ALL THAT.
IT REALLY IS A BIG SURPRISE, ISN'T IT? YES.
I THINK THAT IT WILL BE.
YOU KNOW THEY HAD ANOTHER BURGLARY AT NUMBER 23? THEY'VE TAKEN THE VIDEO AGAIN.
DON'T THIEVES LACK IMAGINATION? - THAT'S TWICE IN THREE MONTHS.
- MM-HM.
HYACINTH WILL BE LIVID.
SHE CAN'T BEAR ANYONE GETTING MORE ATTENTION THAN HER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GOING TO CALL HYACINTH AND TELL HER.
OH, THAT'S WICKED.
JUST A CARING ACT, LIZ.
I MEAN, WHA ARE NEIGHBORS FOR? SHE'LL HATE IT.
I KNOW SHE'LL JUST HATE IT.
YES! NOW COME ALONG.
DON'T KEEP ME IN SUSPENSE ANY LONGER.
WHERE'S MY SURPRISE? IS IT SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED? NOT REALLY.
OH, A COMPLETE SURPRISE.
RICHARD, HOW CLEVER OF YOU.
WELL, TO-- - TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, HYACINTH-- - ( phone ringing ) EXCUSE ME, DEAR, THAT'S BOUND TO BE SOMEONE IMPORTANT.
BOUQUET RESIDENCE.
LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.
HYACINTH, FOR ONCE IN ALL THESE YEARS I'VE FORGOTTEN OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
I'M TERRIBLE SORRY AND I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU SOMEHOW.
HYACINTH, FOR ONCE-- THAT WAS EMMET.
NUMBER 23 HAS BEEN BURGLED AGAIN.
THAT'S TWICE IN THREE MONTHS.
HOW PRETENTIOUS.
WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, DEAR? THE SURPRISE FOR OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
BECAUSE OF ALL THESE BURGLARIES I'VE DECIDED TO HAVE SECURITY INSTALLED FOR YOU.
OH, RICHARD! WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA.
OH! OH! OUR OWN CUSTOM-MADE SUPERIOR SECURITY INSTALLATION FOR BETTER CLASS PREMISES.
THEN PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND THE REASON WE'RE NOT BURGLED IS OUR SECURITY SYSTEM, AND NOT THAT WE'VE NOTHING WORTH TAKING.
OH, AND THERE YOU WERE PRETENDING YOU'D FORGOTTEN.
NO, IT HAS TO BE TODAY.
SOMEONE HAS TO CALL TODAY.
YES, I REALIZE YOU CAN' INSTALL IT TODAY BUT CAN YOU SEND SOMEONE ROUND TO INSPECT THE PLACE? NO, I REALIZE IT'S SHORT NOTICE.
EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT ARE YOU MARRIED BY ANY CHANCE? HAVE YOU EVER FORGOTTEN YOUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY? WELL, THEN YOU'LL UNDERSTAND MY URGENCY.
YOU ARE A GENTLEMAN, SIR.
OH, ONE MORE THING.
CAN YOUR REPRESENTATIVE PRETEND THAT I ORDERED IT A WEEK AGO? GOOD MAN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I WANT YOU TO BE THE FIRS TO KNOW, ELIZABETH.
I'M GOING TO BE ALARMED.
OH, YOU NEEDN' BE ALARMED, HYACINTH, I HAVEN' TOUCHED IT YET.
NO, DEAR.
RICHARD IS GOING TO ALARM ME FOR OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
- BISCUIT? - THANK YOU.
YOU HAVE TO ADMIRE HIS SPIRI AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
IT'S HIS SURPRISE FOR ME.
TO ALARM YOU FOR YOUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY? YES, HE'S GETTING A FIRM OF SPECIALISTS IN TO DO IT.
AND I'D THOUGH HE'D FORGOTTEN.
FOR ONE TERRIBLE MOMEN I'D THOUGHT HE'D FORGOTTEN.
HELLO, BOY.
- OH HELLO, VICAR.
- GOOD MORN-- OH, A BURGLAR ALARM! YES, OF COURSE, DEAR.
WELL, YOU HAD ME WONDERING THERE FOR A MOMENT.
I THINK IT'S SWEET OF RICHARD TO WANT TO SECURE ME AGAINST INTRUDERS.
IS IT BECAUSE OF THE BURGLARY AT NUMBER 23? OH NO, DEAR.
HE ORDERED IT SOME TIME AGO.
I BELIEVE THAT HE FEELS AS I DO.
THAT SOMEONE HAS TO SE THE TONE FOR THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
WILL IT BE A VERY LOUD TONE, HYACINTH? OH YES, DEAR.
OF COURSE.
BUT IN THE BES POSSIBLE TASTE.
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE MUST HAVE WONDERING WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN ALARMED BEFORE.
AFTER ALL, THERE IS EXTENSIVE INTERES IN MY ROYAL DOULTON WITH THE HAND-PAINTED PERIWINKLES.
YES, I CAN ASSURE YOU THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD KNOWS ABOUT IT.
THERE YOU ARE, YOU SEE? BISCUIT? NO THANK YOU.
AND THEN THERE'S SHERIDAN'S PEARL BUTTON COLLECTION.
NO, I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NOBODY THESE DAYS WITHOUT A BURGLAR ALARM.
FATHER'S BEEN SEEING A FIGURE.
FEMALE.
- A FIGURE? - IT WAS TERRIFYING.
I'LL NEVER SLEEP IN THAT ROOM AGAIN.
OF COURSE YOU WILL, FATHER.
JUST AS SOON AS THE VICAR'S WRESTLED WITH IT SPIRITUALLY.
I DON'T KNOW THAT I'M TERRIBLY GOOD WITH APPARITIONS.
DON'T EVEN LIKE TO BE TOO CLOSE TO THE COFFIN AT FUNERALS.
JUST GIVE I A WHACK, VICAR.
- DO YOUR BEST.
- I'M SURE HE WILL.
OTHERWISE WE'RE STUCK WITH HIM IN OUR BEDROOM.
NOT THAT THERE'S ALL THAT MUCH HAPPENING IN OUR BEDROOM.
THEY CAN BE SUCH LONELY PLACES, BEDROOMS.
IT WAS THERE GRINNING AT ME.
I WOKE UP, OPENED MY EYES AND THERE IT WAS.
I THINK THAT PERHAPS WHAT I OUGHT TO DO IS SEEK SPECIALIST HELP.
THE CHURCH HAS PEOPLE THAT SPECIALIZE IN THIS.
OH, YOU CAN DO IT, VICAR.
WE'VE ALL GO FAITH IN YOU.
PUT HIM DOWN, ROSE.
HE'S GOT WORK TO DO.
WE'LL BE RIGH BEHIND YOU, VICAR.
Rose: YOU CAN RELY ON THAT.
GO ON UP, VICAR.
WE'VE NEVER BEEN HAUNTED BEFORE.
UP TO NOW THE ONLY PERSISTEN UNWELCOME VISITOR HAS BEEN THE RENT MAN.
Onslow: AND YOUR HYACINTH.
THAT'S THE ONE, VICAR, THERE.
I THINK I CAN PROBABLY DO THIS FROM OUTSIDE THE DOOR.
OH NO, YOU GO IN, VICAR.
JUST MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
I COULD GO IN WITH HIM IF HE LIKES.
IT'S SOMETHING HE HAS TO DO ON HIS OWN.
I DON'T MIND ROSE WITH ME IF SHE WISHES.
SHE'LL ONLY GE UNDER YOUR FEET.
BE GONE! I COMMAND YOU! ( creaks ) ( whimpers ) I WAS GOING ANYWAY.
NO NEED TO MAKE A FUSS.
IT WAS HE INVITED ME LAST NIGHT.
AT OVER-60s.
( doorbell rings ) BUCKET? - IT'S "BOUQUET.
" - WHAT? - "BOUQUET.
" - OH, RIGHT.
SORRY.
TRY AGAIN.
( doorbell rings ) MRS.
"BOUQUET?" I'M FROM EXCEL ALARMS.
DO COME IN.
AFTER YOU'VE REMOVED YOUR SHOES.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO I ALLOW ALIEN SHOES ON MY HERRINGBONE WOODBLOCK OR MY GRADE ONE AXMINSTER.
IT'S A HOUSE RULE.
OF COURSE.
SHE IS! SHE'S GETTING THE POOR DEVIL TO REMOVE HIS SHOES.
LOOK! SHE'S BEING FAIR.
SHE'S LETTING HIM SI ON THE DOORSTEP.
HOW THOUGHTFUL OF HER.
SHE KNOWS HER MANNERS.
HE COULD BE HOPPING ABOUT ON ONE LEG.
I THINK IT'S A TRIUMPH FOR RICHARD.
YOU KNOW WHY ALL THIS HAS HAPPENED, DON'T YOU? AND YOU KNOW WHY THEY'RE GETTING THE SECURITY SYSTEM.
BECAUSE RICHARD FORGOT THEIR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
HE ONLY CAME UP WITH THIS SCHEME AT THE LAST SECOND.
AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW HE FORGOT? NO, AND HE'S GOT AWAY WITH IT.
- WELL, GOOD FOR RICHARD.
- YES.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THE POOR CHAP LOOK SO RELIEVED.
I BET.
I SHALL NEED EXTRA SECURITY FOR MY LOUNGE.
IT HOUSES MY ROYAL DOULTON WITH THE HAND-PAINTED PERIWINKLES.
- EVERY ROOM WILL BE SECURE, MADAM.
- GOOD.
PASS.
WHAT COLOR CHOICES DO YOU OFFER FOR THE BOX? - THE BOX? - THE THING THAT GOES ON THE WALL.
THE THING PEOPLE CAN SEE OUTSIDE.
- OH, YOU MEAN THE ALARM ITSELF.
- YES.
IT'S BLUE.
I DON'T WANT BLUE.
WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE? I'M AFRAID THAT'S WHAT WE USE, MADAM.
IT'S BLUE.
LOOK! - YOU'LL HAVE TO ALTER THAT.
- WHAT? I HAVE MY MIND SE ON A DUSKY PINK.
THERE WAS A STATELY HOME WE VISITED ONCE AND THEIRS WAS DUSKY PINK.
YES, EVERYBODY ELSE WAS LOOKING AT THE REMBRANDTS.
BUT I REMEMBER THINKING THEN, "YES, THAT'S VERY NICE.
" IF I EVER HAVE AN ALARM, I WANT IT TO BE DUSKY PINK.
DUSKY PINK WHAT KIND OF NOISE DO YOU MAKE? NOISE DO I MAKE? NO WORSE THAN YOUR AVERAGE HUMAN BEING.
NO, I MEAN THE ALARM.
WHAT KIND OF NOISE DOES THE ALARM MAKE? - IT'S A SIREN, MADAM.
- A SIREN? I HOPE IT'S LIKE THE QE2'S.
WE'VE SAILED ON HER, YOU KNOW.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH INDEED.
AND I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU.
- YES.
- DON'T FORGET YOUR SHOES.
NO.
- SORRY.
- I'M SORRY.
BYE, AFTERNOON.
( motor starts ) WAS THAT A NOISE? THE ONLY NOISE I CAN HEAR IS YOU SAYING "WAS THAT A NOISE?" - WE DO HAVE TO BE CAREFUL, RICHARD.
- WHY? IT'S OUR LAST NIGH WITHOUT AN ALARM.
YOU WANT ME TO GO AND HAVE A LOOK ROUND? YES, DEAR.
WITH PARTICULAR REFERENCE TO MY CAPO DI MONTE AND MY ROYAL DOULTON WITH THE HAND-PAINTED PERIWINKLES.
I'D HATE IT IF WE'RE BURGLED TONIGHT.
OUR LAST ALARMLESS NIGHT.
ESPECIALLY BY THE LOWER CLASS TYPE OF BURGLAR WHO GOES TO NUMBER 23.
ANYONE WHO GOES TO NUMBER 23 TWICE HAS TO BE LACKING IN TASTE.
I CANNOT BEAR THE THOUGH THAT SHERIDAN'S PEARL BUTTON COLLECTION MIGHT GO TO PEOPLE OF THAT CALIBER.
IT'S FINE.
THERE'S NO ONE ABOUT.
GOOD.
OW! WAS THAT A NOISE? YES, IT WAS ME STUBBING MY TOE IN THE DARK.
OH.
WELL THAT'S ALL RIGHT THEN.
DUSKY PINK? THE QE2 SIREN? YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE THE TELEPHONE NUMBER OF THE STATELY HOME THAT ALSO HAS THE DUSKY PINK ALARM, DO YOU? I THOUGHT I MIGH JUST GIVE THEM A CALL SINCE WE'VE BOTH CHOSEN TO BE ALARMED IN THE SAME WAY.
NO, I'M AFRAID WE HAVEN'T, MADAM.
NEVER MIND.
I'LL TRY DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES.
WELL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORK AND FOR NOT DAMAGING MY WALLS TOO BADLY.
OH, RICHARD.
OUR OWN ALARM SYSTEM.
WHAT A WONDERFUL ANNIVERSARY PRESENT.
WHICH FOUR NUMBER CODE HAVE YOU CHOSEN TO STOP AND STAR THE SYSTEM? A ROMANTIC ONE.
A ROMANTIC NUMBER? A ROMANTIC NUMBER THAT WE SHALL NEVER FORGET.
AS YOU WERE KIND ENOUGH TO BUY IT FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY I THOUGHT I'D CHOOSE A NUMBER WE'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER.
THE DATE OF OUR WEDDING.
THE DAY, THE MONTH AND THE LAST TWO DIGITS OF THE YEAR.
NOW ISN'T THAT ROMANTIC? WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY MEMORABLE.
DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD HOLD AN ALARM WARMING PARTY? - IS THAT USUAL? - I DON'T THINK SO, NO.
I THOUGH I'D INVITE THOSE PEOPLE FROM THE STATELY HOME.
OH WELL.
PERHAPS ANOTHER TIME.
I KNOW WHAT I COULD DO.
I COULD TELEPHONE NUMBER 23 AND TELL THEM IF THEY'RE BEING BURGLED AGAIN, THEY CAN PHONE US AND WE'LL SOUND OUR ALARM.
( mimicking siren ) - READY? - YEAH.
OF YOU GO, YOU TWO.
ENJOY YOUR EVENING.
ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T MIND ME POPPING OUT FOR A DRINK? GOOD HEAVENS NO.
WHY SHOULD I? I'M PERFECTLY SAFE HERE NOW I'M ALARMED.
NO, OFF YOU GO.
I'VE PLENTY TO DO.
DRAWING UP MY GUEST LIS FOR MY SECURITY AND ALARM WARMING CANDLELIGHT SUPPER.
COME ON, RICHARD.
BYE! ( shrieks ) YOU WILL TREAD CAREFULLY AS YOU PASS MY HOUSE, WON'T YOU? I'VE RECENTLY INSTALLED A VERY SENSITIVE AND EXPENSIVE ALARM SYSTEM.
I'D HATE YOU TO BE STARTLED IF IT SHOULD GO OFF.
PASS.
YES, THAT'S THE WAY.
PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS.
AND YOU GOT AWAY WITH IT.
SHE STILL DOESN'T KNOW YOU FORGOT THE WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
SHH! IT'S A TRIUMPH AGAINST ALL ODDS.
I NEVER THOUGH I'D MAKE IT.
WELL DONE, RICHARD.
I THINK THIS DESERVES ANOTHER ROUND.
THANKS VERY MUCH, EMMET.
( alarm beeping ) WHAT'S THAT? UH, A NINE, TWO OH MY GOD, WHAT WAS THE YEAR? WHAT YEAR DID WE GET MARRIED? I'VE ONLY GO SECONDS TO THINK.
SHE'LL KILL ME! SHE WILL KILL ME! IT WAS '62.
IT WAS '62.
( beeping stops ) OH MY GOD.
THAT WAS CLOSE.
THAT WAS CLOSE.
( sirens blaring ) IT WASN'T '62! RICHARD BOUQUET! YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THE DATE OF OUR WEDDING.
NO! NO I DIDN'T! ( theme music playing )