Lip Sync Battle (2015) s05e03 Episode Script

1 - Hit it! - (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) It takes two to make a thing go right - Hit it! - I wanna rock right now I'm not internationally known But I'm known to rock a microphone Because I get stupid, I mean outrageous Stay away from me if you're contagious Like one, two, three, get loose now Hello, Lip Sync nation! What's up, what's up? Tonight is all about a beauty and her champ.
And to take us through this heated battle is the lyric champ who always brings the heat on the Mic it's LL Cool J! They call me Big L'y, Big Silly - Big Money - Hands up, hands up, hands up! - Let me hear you say "hell yeah! - AUDIENCE: Hell yeah! - Say "hell yeah! - AUDIENCE: Hell yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, she's dynamic.
She's fantastic.
She's a low-key hopeless romantic.
She is Chrissy Teigen.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - I like it, I like it, I like it.
- Oh my I'm freaking out! Tonight, I got two of my very best friends.
It feels very close to home.
And this is gonna be (BLEEP) awesome.
I don't even know how else to say it, I'm sorry.
- You're absolutely right.
You have a right to feel that way.
- It's been a long time since I swore, and I feel like this one deserves it.
That's a (BLEEP) lie.
Ahh! - (CHEERING) - LL COOL J: Let's get it! She's an actress who's appeared in the film Just Go With It.
She's a model who's appeared on Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue.
And you can catch her now on Grace & Frankie.
She is Brooklyn Decker! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And he is a US Open champion.
He's a member of the tennis Hall of Fame.
He is Andy Roddick! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) I don't like to name drop, but these are truly our best friends on the planet.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Brooklyn, you're going first tonight.
Andy, hit the VIP.
Brooklyn, come on over.
Should be a lot of fun.
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - LL COOL J: Brooklyn, what message are you trying to send to Andy? I feel sorry for him, 'cause he married a crazy bitch.
(LAUGHTER) You don't have to convince me, yeah.
(LAUGHTER) Everybody, make some noise for Brooklyn Decker! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Who you tryin' Ta mess with ese? Don't you know I'm loco? - (CYPRESS HILL "INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE") - Ohh! To da one on da flam, boy it's tough I just toss that ham in the fryin' pan Like Spam, it's done when I come in, slam Damn, I feel like the Son of Sam Damn, the lights are blinking I'm thinking It's all over when I go out drinking Oh, makin' my mind slow That's why I don't (BLEEP) wit da big four-oh Bro, I got Ta maintain Like me is goin' insane Say what?! - Insane in the membrane - LL COOL J: Say what?! Insane in the brain! Insane in the membrane Insane in the brain! Do my (BLEEP) undercover Now it's time for the blubber Blabber to watch that belly get fatter Fat boy on a diet Don't try it I'll jack your ass like a looter in a riot My (BLEEP) fat, like a sumo, slamming that ass Leavin your face in the grass 'Cause you know, I don't take a duro, lightly Punks just jealous 'cause they can't outwrite me Or kick that style, wicked, wild Happy face never seen me smile Rip that mainframe, I'll explain Like me is going insane - Why's that?! - Insane in the membrane Insane in the brain! Insane in the membrane Insane in the brain! Say what, say what! I think I'm goin' crazy (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) CHRISSY: I love my Brookie.
She is all arms and legs, - and we love her for it.
- Wow.
And your dancing - I'm like a wet noodle.
- has always been a strong point.
My body's like a floppy, wet noodle.
- And I just go crazy with it.
- (LAUGHTER) LL COOL J: So, Br Brooklyn, you're a mom, you're an actress, you're you're a wife, you're, you know, a supermodel.
I'm I'm all of it.
- You're all of it? You're all of that, and then some.
- I am all of it.
LL COOL J: With all of that being said, with all the things you are, what would it be like having a Lip Sync Battle championship belt around your waist? There are so many trophies of Andy's in the house.
- Right.
- I have zero trophies and awards.
So, honestly, it would be a life highlight.
Like, I could put it up next to the US Open trophy.
CHRISSY: Word.
I know what that's like.
(LAUGHTER) Listen, Andy, Andy.
What was it like seeing Brooklyn on stage doing her thing? I I gotta be honest, like, I didn't know she knew the words to that song.
- (LAUGHTER) - I think you got most of 'em correct.
I feel less confident than I did before she sang Cypress Hill.
- (LAUGHTER) - We'll see.
You can head on over to the VIP, Brooklyn.
- Andy, come on to the stage, baby.
- I can't wait for this.
All right, what's your first song of the night? How you gonna hit Brooklyn after that performance? Well, I didn't know she was gonna go Cypress Hill.
Mine is more of a a thoughtful ode to my wife.
- CHRISSY: Oh, my gosh.
- LL COOL J: Nice, nice! Here is Andy Roddick! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (THE DAN BAND "TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART") Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit lonely And you're never coming round Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit tired Of listening to the sound of my tears Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit terrified I see the (BLEEP) look in your eyes Turn around, bright eyes (BLEEP) every now and then I fall apart And I need you now tonight I (BLEEP) need you more than ever And if you'll only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever And we'll only be making it right 'Cause we'll never be wrong Together we can take it to the end of the line Your love is like a shadow on me all the time I really need you tonight Forever's gonna start tonight For-(BLEEP)-ever gonna start to Once upon a time I was falling in love Now I'm (BLEEP) falling apart Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the heart Total eclipse of the, total eclipse of the Total eclipse of the (turn around bright eyes!) Total eclipse of the, total eclipse of the (turn around) A total eclipse of the heart Total Eclipse! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Andy always comes through.
I thought, I swore, I was scared, that was very good, thank you for saving me.
In my former life, we got, you know, you get fined, you get a point penalty, you get a game penalty for gratuitous cussing, - so this was just amazing for me.
- (LAUGHTER) ANDY RODDICK: It was awesome.
All right, Brooklyn, come on, talk to me about that performance.
After rearing two children, I just appreciate such kind, kind words.
I do appreciate the children, I do.
- Yeah, thank you.
- (LAUGHTER) - Well, Andy, you can go on over to the VIP.
- Thank you.
LL COOL J: You guys can talk about the children.
You know it's goin' down tonight.
And I promise you nobody is safe.
These two are going all out to win that belt.
Chrissy, this thing is gonna be serious.
Listen, even vows can't save these two now.
I can't wait to see what they bring next.
Stay there, it's Lip Sync Battle.
It's crazy, it's a real battle, baby, Lip Sync Battle.
It takes two to make a thing go right Lip Sync Battle is back, and we've got a husband and wife battle going down.
Brooklyn Decker is bringing the ruckus to her husband, Andy Roddick.
She's not a game.
Let's a take look at how in her quest to win that belt, she had to drop her model behavior.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - Hi! - Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi! - INSRUCTOR: Are you ready?! - Yes! I am singing the song of my dreams.
BROOKLYN DECKER: I'm doing a tribute to the queen.
Got some big shoes to fill, girl! The biggest.
- INSTRUCTOR: Hey! - DECKER: Ugh! DECKER: The rehearsal was so intense.
- Push him! - (DANCERS AND DECKER TALKING, INDISTINCT) I actually pulled one of the producers into it.
And I might have gyrated on his body.
And then, I would kind of be here.
And then go up, and I would play with him.
Boom! He he gave consent prior.
- INSTRUCTOR: It's really good.
- It's really good.
This is a husband and wife face-off.
I couldn't hold your weight, I was, like, "Ugh! Took me out at the knees, lady.
I'm nervous that it's gonna have lasting damage.
Don't practice! DECKER: If I lose, it might be second-family time.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (BEYONCE "SORRY") Sorry, I ain't sorry Sorry, I ain't sorry I ain't sorry He trying to roll me up (I ain't sorry) I ain't picking up (I ain't sorry) Headed to the club (I ain't sorry) I ain't thinking 'bout you (I ain't sorry) Me and my ladies sip my D'USSÉ cup I don't give a (BLEEP), chucking my deuces up Suck on my (BLEEP) had enough I ain't thinking 'bout you I ain't thinking 'bout (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Middle fingers up, put them hands high Wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye Tell him, boy, bye Boy, bye Middle fingers up, I ain't thinking 'bout you Now you want to say you're sorry Now you want to call me crying Now you gotta see me wilin' Now I'm the one that's lying And I don't feel bad about it It's exactly what you get Stop interrupting my grinding I ain't thinking 'bout you I ain't sorry No, no, hell nah Looking at my watch, he shoulda been home Today I regret the night I put that ring on He always got them (BLEEP) excuses I pray to the Lord you reveal what his truth is Big homie better grow up Me and my whoadies 'bout to stroll up I see them boppers in the corner They sneaking out the back door He only want me when I'm not there He better call Becky with the good hair He better call Becky with the good hair (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Oh, my God! Wow! LL COOL J: I mean Serena Williams! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Serena, let me just ask you, You been you appeared in the-in the actual video - with Beyonce, obviously.
- Yep.
What was it like doing it live for the crowd here, like, bein' here? Oh, my God, it was so fun! (SERENA LAUGHING) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) SERENA WILLIAMS: It was so fun.
Brooklyn did so good! We're here to win this.
I'm here to win this.
- (LAUGHTER) - Absolu Oh yeah.
I heard, I heard.
Chrissy, Brooklyn isn't playing any games.
She's not playing any games.
She came to win.
- Brooklyn, we're the worst dancers on the planet.
- DECKER: Stop it! - No, we're not! - CHRISSY: And all of a sudden, you were next to Serena.
And you guys were both the most incredible queens I've ever seen, it was so cool! So, Brooklyn, you brought out the Grand Slam queen, brought out your inner gangster.
Talk to us about this moment.
I ain't sorry.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) - I mean, you guys, like - LL COOL J: Aww.
DECKER: the queen! The.
Queen.
All right, so, so Andy.
Now, come on, come on, did you have any idea Brooklyn was capable of all of this? No! This is so cold! It's my wife of a decade, And one of my best friends from childhood, coming out, middle fingers, F-you.
- Like, what is going on? Like - (LAUGHTER) - RODDICK: Oh, my Lord.
- It's that girl power.
Girl power's in effect tonight.
LL COOL J: You guys go on over to the VIP.
Head on over to the VIP, there you go, thank you.
I ain't sorry about any of this! Okay, maybe this hat, yeah this hat, - maybe a little bit.
- Bust out the hat.
Well, the stakes have been raised.
(CHUCKLES) Crazy And then for somebody rise to the occasion, come back and find out how it all goes down, baby.
This is Lip Sync Battle! Middle fingers up It takes two to make a thing go right We're back with more Lip Sync Battle .
Andy Roddick is no stranger to intense competition.
This isn't a match, it's a battle.
So, before we bring him out, let's see how he planned to get the upper hand.
This is the first time Brooklyn and I have gone head-to-head in public.
RODDICK: It's normally about changing diapers.
Just drop in and see what this loser's doin'.
- BROOKLYN: Loser?! - Yeah, that's right.
- Get you in the right frame of mind.
- Hi.
All right, so, let's go see what sort of disaster I'm gonna create here.
INSTRUCTOR: Woo! That won't be your reaction by the end of the night, I swear.
- What're you most nervous about? - Uh, the rehearsal.
- RODDICK: Slide - Slide.
- INSTRUCTOR: Yes! - Oh, shit, forgot, go again.
Do I step, or just down? How do you guys remember this (BLEEP) all the time? The theme and the vibe should be the last time I actually danced in public was the '90s.
This part's stressing me out.
(EXHALES) So there are actually gonna be people here.
I've actually never been on a stage before in my life.
Apologies for what you're about to see.
Can you start it again? I thought we were at nevermind.
For someone demanding privacy, you're-you're awfully close to my interview.
RODDICK: Brooklyn, I love you, but I'm coming for you tonight.
If I somehow pull off a miracle and win, do not make me sleep on the couch.
(CHEERING) (BRUNO MARS "FINESSE" FEAT.
CARDI B) BRUNO MARS: Ooh, don't we look good together? There's a reason why they watch all night long Woo! Yeah, know we'll turn heads forever So tonight I'm gonna show you off When I'm walkin' with you I watch the whole room change Baby, that's what you do No, my baby, don't play Blame it on my confidence Oh, blame it on your measurements Shut that shit down on sight That's right We out here drippin' in finesse It don't make no sense Out here drippin' in finesse - You know it, you know it - LL COOL J: Hey! Turn it up! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) CARDI B: Drop top Porsche, Rollie on my wrist Diamonds up and down my chain Cardi B, straight stuntin', can't tell me nothin' Bossed up and I changed the game It's my big Bronx boogie, got all them girls shook My big fat ass got all them boys hooked I went from dollar bills, now we poppin' rubber bands Bruno sang to me while I do my money dance like ayy Flexin' on the 'Gram like ayy Hit the Lil' Jon, okay, okay Oh yeah, we drippin' in finesse and getting paid, ow Yeah, we got it goin' on, got it goin' on Don't it feel so good to be us, ayy? Yeah, we got it goin' on, got it goin' on, yeah BRUNO MARS: Yeah, we got it goin' on CARDI B: Yeah, we got it goin' on, got it goin' on Don't it feel so good to be us, ayy? Yeah, we got it goin' on, got it goin' on BRUNO MARS: You know it, you know it (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Oh, my God! Yeah, I can't believe what I'm seeing.
Andy! Your footwork is incredible! - LL COOL J: Crazy.
- CHRISSY: I had no idea.
I was so blown away by Brooklyn and Serena the first time, and I was and now I'm, like We've never had somebody do this before.
This was, like, a secret attack.
- LL COOL J: Double agent vibe.
- CHRISSY: I like it.
I said I came to win! (LAUGHS) You came to win.
You did come to win! You can't lose! - WILLIAMS: Can't lose! - (LAUGHTER) LL COOL J: Yo, that's the best thing ever, she can't lose.
Chrissy LL COOL J: So, is this the most - impressive mixed double you ever seen? - CHRISSY: LL, I am so biased, but I love these two as people.
And I've just been such a huge fan of Serena for so, so long.
This, to me - LL COOL J: Yeah.
- is the most incredible episode we've ever had.
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - LL COOL J: Amazing.
Brooklyn how do you feel about Andy's secret chess move, bringing Serena into his performance? - DECKER: Serena - (CHEERING) You were in the bombass-iest of performances I have ever seen.
- It was so good! - It was real good.
So, Andy and Serena, head over to the VIP LL COOL J: There's a lot of money, be careful.
Lot of slippin' and slidin' tryin' to get out of here.
The battle didn't disappoint, as Andy and Brooklyn delivered hot performance after hot performance tonight.
Each of them worthy to be called champion.
Only one, though, will get to take home that amazing Lip Sync Battle Oh, this beautiful, beautiful piece of leather-bound jewelry may be going home in the same home tonight.
(INDISTINCT) I would love to be a fly on the wall in that house.
I'm dying to see who takes it, you too? - Don't move - It's Lip Sync Battle , baby! - It's Lip Sync Battle.
- Lip Sync Battle! Serena can't lose! It don't make no sense Out here drippin' It takes two to make a thing go right LL COOL J: Welcome back to Lip Sync Battle! Now, tonight, we had a husband and wife battle that thoroughly entertained as they went toe-to-toe to deliver us a phenomenal show.
(CHEERING) Chrissy, it's time, you ready? - Yes! - Serena, you ready? - I'm ready.
- LL COOL J: All right.
Is the Lip Sync Battle champ Andy Roddick? (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Or, is the Lip Sync Battle champion Brooklyn Decker? (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) The Lip Sync Battle champion is Brooklyn Decker! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) LL COOL J: Make some noise, make some noise! LL COOL J: So, Brooklyn.
You're the new Lip Sync Battle champion.
Now, how does it feel? How does that belt feel around your waist right now? This is the first trophy that I've ever had in my house.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) LL COOL J: Serena, you had your bets tonight.
you told me you could not lose.
Was impossible.
How do you feel right now? I feel good, I came here to win with one of my friends.
(CHUCKLES) You were right.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) LL COOL J: A big thanks to Brooklyn Decker, and Andy Roddick for being a big part of the Lip Sync crew tonight.
Shout out to Lip Sync nation.
We appreciate you from the bottom of our hearts.
One love from me, LL Cool J and Chrissy.
And remember, whatever you do in life, whatever you do, baby, "Knock 'em out the box, L, knock 'em out, L!" - Middle fingers up, put them hands high - LL COOL J: I ain't sorry! - Wave it in his face - LL COOL J: I ain't sorry! I ain't thinking 'bout you I ain't sorry I ain't sorry I ain't sorry I ain't thinking 'bout you I ain't sorry I ain't sorry