Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020) s05e03 Episode Script

1
♪
♪
FREEMAN:
Captain's Log, stardate 59393.7.
Today, theCerritos is docked
at theCosmic Duchess,
an interstellar cruise ship
the size of a moon.
With a multitude of climate
zones, theme parks and casinos,
there's something for everyone.
However, we are not
here to relax.
[CHITTERING]
- [SCREAMS]
- A nanite cluster
has infested the resort,
consuming metal
to self-replicate.
Starfleet has ordered us here
to humanely capture
and study
the microscopic robots.
Ooh, we're doing pest control?
Fun!
Wow, I've never seen anyone
happier to chase
an unpredictable robot clump
through a bunch of ducts.
It's great to have
you back, Tendi.
I echo Mr. Rutherford's
enthusiasm.
Despite the increase
in cheering,
your presence is a comfort.
Ooh, the Duchessis amazing.
[GASPS]
One of the space casinos
has a bunch
of Dixon Hill slot machines.
240 24-hour spas,
an indoor water park,
and an underwater dry park?
I don't even know what that is,
but I'm gonna find
the [BLEEP] out.
Ooh, this is gonna be awesome.
As soon as we clean up
those nanites, I'm gonna
Sorry, Mr. Boimler, but you
and I have a little side quest
we need to take care of.
Ew, don't wink.
Winking's gross.
Not when I pair it
with my signature smirk.
Worse.
Enjoy your mission
with the big boys.
Shut up.
It's great, though, right?
I'm so excited.
Ah, it's nice to finally
have a straightforward,
simple mission with no drama or
- Babe, wait up.
- [WINCES]
Mwah.
Ah! You weren't about to leave
your girlfriend behind,
were you?
[WINCES, SHUDDERS]
My what?
♪
♪
♪
Whoa. Um, what's with
the civilian shuttle, sir?
You, me and Billups are going
on a little undercover mission.
Oh, cool. I love spy stuff.
[GASPS] Do we get to wear
the black body suits?
Better. As of now, we're just
a trio of vacation bros.
Call me Zack Ransom.
And I'm Gilbert Manhandle,
literary dilettante
with a gambling addiction.
Nobody's going to remember that.
You can be Zandy Billups.
Fine. But I'm still
a gambling addict.
[JET GROANS NEARBY]
Whoa, Jet, what happened to you?
Commander Ransom did.
What do you mean?
Just went on a mission
and lost both my hands.
Hurts like hell,
and I can't scratch my nose.
Oh Oh, my God,
that's horrible.
Doctor T's going to grow me
a new set,
but Ransom's bad, man. Real bad.
Uh, what do you mean?
The whole mission,
he kept making me
do the dangerous stuff.
I got ordered to lift a rock
and, like, 50 piranha bats
flew out.
Bye-bye, hands.
He uses guys like us
as canaries in coal mines.
Better we get our hands eaten
than him.
Let's get a move on,
Mr. Boimler.
[MOANS IN PAIN]
Admiral Milius is AWOL,
came down with a touch
of vacation madness.
In his last communication
with Starfleet Command,
he told them to shove a coconut
up their butt.
So, uh, why do you need me?
I've never been
on a spy mission.
- [GRUNTS]
- Don't worry,
you're exactly what I need.
BILLUPS: I really want to be
Gilbert Manhandle.
Ugh, no. You gotta be
something normal, like Zandy.
[WHIMPERS]
[SEA BIRDS CAWING]
T'LYN:
Mariner, I find it odd
that you have never mentioned
that you have a girlfriend.
I-I don't.
Jennifer and I
broke up, like, forever ago.
- Are you sure you broke up?
- Yes!
You know, actually,
okay, now I'm remembering,
she dumped me.
She gave me back a candle.
Babe, get over here.
You're going to love this.
Hmm.
She does not appear
to share your assessment.
There's some ionic residue
on this lamp.
- Glumpus was here for sure.
- Glumpus?
I decided to give
the nanites a name,
since they glump so much.
Aw, cute.
Hmm, scans indicate
- the cluster
- Glumpus!
Sorry, the "Glumpus" consumed
this cart's electrical system.
It appears to be
harvesting material
and power for self-replication.
Which means we can use
an energy cell to lure it in.
Be right back.
- Mwah.
- [GASPS]
She totally thinks we're
still together. This is nuts.
Perhaps she has
a brain parasite.
- Uh, yes.
- I already scanned for that, she's clear.
Ah! I'm so happy to be
back scanning.
How did it go when you came
back to the Cerritos?
I couldn't have been
any clearer.
Okay, h-here's how it went:
I saw her in the bar,
and instead of talking,
I just walked right past her.
So
But you said,
"We need to break up," right?
Of course I did.
With silence.
Oh, my God,
we never fully broke up.
[GASPS] I just assumed
it was clear.
W-We haven't said a word
to each other in, like, forever.
Assumptions are anathema
to communication.
You're anathema.
Fine, all right, I messed up.
I guess I'll go
break her stupid heart
since that's what
you all seem to want.
[MUTTERING]
Hey, Jennifer
Sorry I ran off.
I just had this great idea
for how to catch the Glumpus.
It'll do wonders
for my transfer application.
I just wanted to
Wait, what transfer?
[SIGHS] I wasn't sure
how to tell you.
I was offered a promotion
to the Manitoba.
This is my final mission
with the Cerritos.
Oh, thank God.
I mean
What?
Babe
Mmm.
I know it means
the end of Jariner,
- but I couldn't turn it down.
- Jariner?
There's a bunch of Andorians
on the 'Toba.
It's a perfect spot
for me to advance,
as long as nothing
goes wrong on this mission.
I'm really happy for you, babe.
Now, let's just focus on having
a great last day together.
Aww, thanks, babe.
I love how well
we talk things out.
Haaa.
That's us.
Just a couple
of chatty chattersons.
- Well, how did she take it?
- She didn't have to.
Lucky for me, the whole thing
just kinda worked itself out.
I'll be avoiding a messy,
emotional conversation
once again.
Now, let's catch
ourselves a Glumpus.
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
No need for that.
The sun here is artificial.
It knows when you've
been sufficiently tanned.
Oh, you know, just trying
to be extra safe today.
You know me, all about safety.
Admiral Milius charged a few
hundred Salurian Coladas
to a tab at this bar.
We should split up,
see if anybody saw him.
Mr. Boimler, why don't you
ask those Gallamites?
[SNARLING]
Oh.
Okay
Uh, how about I go
talk to those, uh,
very friendly-looking guys
instead?
RANSOM:
Kreetassans?
[CHUCKLES]
Love the initiative, Boimler.
[EXHALES]
BOIMLER:
Hey there, fellas.
I'm just an average
vacationer, like you.
I love leisure, et cetera.
[ALL GASP]
How dare you drink
in front of us!
Oh, is, uh, alcohol
frowned upon in your culture?
- [GASPS]
- That does it, you pervert.
- [SCREAMS]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
My bro is ignorant of your ways.
He did not mean to offend.
I'm so sorry
you had to see that.
Filthy. What a filthy
little man.
It's gonna be okay.
Kreetassans consider eating
to be more intimate than mating.
I thought you knew that.
Ugh, I do. I'm sorry.
- [SLURPING]
- I guess my mind's just been
on other things.
Apparently, one of Milius's acolytes
spends a lot of
time at the top of that
huge, dangerous mountain.
♪
- Better get climbing.
- [GROANS]: Oh.
If we just put
this energy cell here,
the Glumpus should be drawn
right to it.
I'm not so sure about this.
We don't really know how Glumpus
processes energy
Just give her a win.
That is a great plan, sweetie.
Mm!
Curious.
Ah, don't waste those
big Vulcan brain juices, T'Lyn.
He's just a novelty
beach crooner.
Krog is my favorite musician.
Oh. Sorry.
I-I've heard
he's very, uh, tropical.
He is a master
of the Vibe Tubes.
Babe, babe, babe, look.
It's working.
- Dang it.
- Hey, that was close.
You know, w-we could try
phasering the energy cell.
Get it charged up
so it's more enticing.
That's a little dangerous.
Uh [CHUCKLES]
Why-why don't
we just wait carefully
until it comes back?
Mm, I'm fine with that.
Just means more time
to spend cuddling up
with my snuggle fluff.
Mmm
- Nope, nope. No time.
Let's boost it.
All right.
Let's scoop up this bad boy
- so we can get out of here.
- [KNUCKLES CRACK]
Why do you sound so eager to end
our final mission together?
I mean, I just I, uh
I have, I have, like,
a ton of work.
[GASPS]
Looks like we're not done yet.
[PANTING, GRUNTING]
- [GRUNTS]
- I think I see our target.
She's a Denobulan, right, Zandy?
- Zandy?
- [SIGHS]
[SIGHS] Gilbert?
Yup. That's her.
If we want to get invited
to Milius's compound,
she's the one to talk to.
Looks like she's
about to hit the slopes.
See if you can get in good
with her, Mr. Boimler.
BOIMLER: Okay, yeah, there are
a lot of kids on that hill.
I can handle this.
See you at the bottom, brahs.
This canary is about to fly.
[GRUNTS] Oh, boy.
- Easy does it.
- Canary?
It's hard to think of an animal
that's good at skiing.
[GASPS] Wa-cha!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
H-H How do you
make the gravity stop?
Whoa!
[SCREAMING]
[GASPS]
[GRUNTS]
- Get off me!
- Ah! It's my first time.
Please just help me
get down the hill.
You're grabbing my genitals!
- Why are they on your back?
- Where else would they be?!
- [GRUNTS]
- [SHRIEKS]
[SCREAMING]
[GASPING]
Wow, I've never seen someone
go off that cliff and live.
Whew, yeah.
Guess I'm lucky that Starfleet
keeps me in space
most of the time.
My bones aren't
very dense, so
[GASPS] You're Starfleet?
[GRUNTS] Admiral.
Starfleet is here.
- You have to get out of there fast.
- [GRUNTS]
Damn it.
What the hell
was that, Mr. Boimler?
Well, I was able
to trace the comm.
At least we've got
the Admiral's location.
Yeah, but now
he knows we're coming.
Next time, try to have a little
fortitude in the face of danger.
- Ah
- Whoa!
[SCREAMS]
MARINER:
We need to split up.
Jennifer, T'Lyn, Rutherford,
you check the balcony.
- Tendi and I
- You're splitting us up?
Ah [CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
My sweet, loving girlfriend
and I will take the balcony.
The rest of you,
check the orchestra.
Are you trying to get rid of me?
No. I'm just trying
to find this Glumpus
so you don't jeopardize
your transfer.
Wow. That's so thoughtful
of you.
Thank you so much.
J-Jennifer.
This is bananas.
How can she possibly
think we're a couple?
Perhaps because
you are pretending to be.
I mean before today.
Everyone's relationships
look different in Starfleet.
We're always on away missions,
or separate shifts,
or getting transformed
into things. [GASPS]
Was she on that team
that got turned into crystals?
I don't know.
We never talk.
[SIGHS] It seems like she's just
trying to make it work.
[GASPS] Like your parents do.
Yeah.
God.
Ugh, you're right.
Damn it. [SIGHS]
Jennifer, wait up.
Huh, this lazy river seems like
it's getting pretty choppy.
[SCOFFS] Billups, how much
farther to the compound?
At our meandering speed,
15 minutes?
Uh, that cave
is not looking lazy.
RANSOM:
Could be a trap.
- Mr. Boimler, head in there and report.
- [GASPS]
You just said
it could be a trap.
I'm trying to give you
a win here, brah.
I am not your brah, okay?
- Shh. Guys.
- [ARGUING CONTINUES]
We might want to
keep our voices down.
And I'm not your
coal mine canary, either!
I am a good officer!
[SCREAMS]
[GASPS]
Okay, maybe not
the best officer.
Huh, maybe we can
incapacitate Glumpus
with a localized
electromagnetic pulse.
Maybe a magnetic net?
A magnetic net may
be difficult to obtain.
Perhaps we
T'Lyn?
What's wrong?
Oh, Krog's Vibe Tubes.
This must be where
he's playing tonight.
I am having difficulties
maintaining my focus
in anticipation
of Krog's propinquity.
Ooh, we should all go, if his
instruments don't get eaten.
MARINER: Are you sure this is the best
place
to be looking for nanites, babe?
It's attracted
to energy, sweetie.
Oh, yes. I know, honey.
Your stupid plan
just made it huge, remember?
Are you [BLEEP] kidding me?
You're the one
who phasered the power cell.
[GRUNTS] To make you happy.
JENNIFER: Are you sure
there isn't anything
you want to get off your chest,
my love?
I just want you
to get your transfer.
- Isn't that what you want?
- What I want
is for you to admit
that you're
Oh, [BLEEP].
Don't move.
- What?
- It's a
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine, ten. [MUMBLING]
- Icosahedron!
- Oh, my God.
Run! [SCREAMS]
[GRUNTS]
[ALL SCREAM]
No, no, no, no! [SCREAMS]
[GASPS] That thing
just ate our friends.
♪
Congrats on being hostages
in AWOL Falls.
"An ideal place
to hide from Command."
- Can I get you a refreshment?
- Maybe a spritz?
Ugh. You can't hold us here
forever.
[LAUGHS] The Admiral has
requested a private audience.
Guys, tell him
I'm not the canary.
He's not the canary,
you monsters!
- What does that even mean?
- I don't know.
Okay, look, before you hurt me,
just know that I'm too frail
to torture.
Too much pain and I'll just die.
You're-you're gonna be
disappointed.
MILIUS: Lieutenant Junior Grade
Bradward Boimler.
[WHIMPERS]
MILIUS: I've been
watching you all day.
- You're grabbing my genitals!
- [SCREAMS]
You knew we were coming?
MILIUS: I'm a Latinum Elite Guest.
The front desk calls whenever
a Starfleet team shows up
to try and capture me.
But an idea can't be captured.
- I'm pretty sure we can capture you.
- [SLURPING]
You know,
'cause you're just a guy
wearing open-toed sandals.
I'm more than just "a guy"!
You and I are cut
from the same cloth.
You're an admiral.
That doesn't matter.
They don't care about us.
We've been thrown to the wolves
by our superiors.
Is that why you went AWOL?
Command gave you
dangerous missions?
Worse.
They gave me boring ones.
I spent years in Starfleet
hoping to land a
meaningful, prestigious post,
to study rare phenomena,
to discover new life.
But do you know
what insufferable missions
my ships were given?
Uh, Borg stuff?
The milking of space whales!
[GASPS] W-What kind?
The Gormagander
- or those Galaxy's Child things?
- All of them!
I dedicated my life to Starfleet
and was relegated
to an interstellar dairy farmer!
[SLURPING]
Ah
No matter how far up
the ladder you climb,
there's always
someone higher up,
pouring hot garbage down on us.
But you're an admiral.
Who was doing that to you?
The system.
The dream
assignments never come,
which hurts me
just as much as you are
by being thrown into danger.
You want peace, safety
and extended happy hour
on Mondays?
Then go AWOL with me.
Happy hour does sound happy.
[SCREAMING, SHOUTING]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
Hang on, guys.
We're coming.
Stay calm.
Conserve oxygen.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
Ugh. I can't believe
we're gonna get killed
by a goddamn icosahedron.
[GRUNTS]
This is all my fault.
I'm the one who set
that stupid trap.
Yeah, but I encouraged you
to juice it up
- 'cause I wanted this day to end.
- [BOTH SHOUT]
Ugh. Here we go.
Jennifer, we aren't a couple.
We broke up a year ago.
- Yeah, I know.
- Wait, what? You do?
But the-the babe-ing
and the kissing and the
- I was [BLEEP] with you.
- Wha
[STAMMERS]
Why?
Because we never
officially broke up,
and I wanted you to admit it.
No, well I-I mean,
we didn't have some, like,
big, emotional,
performative talk about it,
but I think it was pretty clear.
Yeah, it was all
on your terms, though.
You didn't give me
a chance to apologize.
You just phased me out.
It sucked.
I was getting shipped off
to Starbase 80.
Everyone thought I was a traitor.
Even my mom.
I needed you to have my back
when nobody else did.
I only liked dating you
because of how bad you were.
It didn't even occur to me
that you might've been innocent.
Yeah, I-I guess
I could be pretty bad.
We both could.
Clearly.
[SIGHS]
Okay, then.
Jennifer, I'm officially
breaking up with you.
I officially accept.
RUTHERFORD [OVER COMM]:
Mariner, do you read?
I'm in the Glumpus.
[GASPS]
Ruthie. Are you okay?
I just detected a signal
that's controlling the nanites
from in here with me.
If you can disrupt it, it should
be able to deactivate the swarm.
- But it absorbs energy.
- [GASPS] Wait.
Do you think you can trust me,
one last time?
Boimler, listen to me.
We didn't bring you with us
to be expendable.
We brought you because
you're reliable and smart.
Plus, you're wiry.
- And we always need a wiry guy.
- Really?
Yeah, I mean,
on the frail scale,
nobody else on the Cerritos
comes close.
You didn't want me
as a human shield?
No. You're good
at problem-solving
and you can crawl through ducts.
And that's, like, 99%
of most undercover ops.
[SIGHS] I was trying
to give you a chance
to show us how brave you are.
In hindsight, that probably
came off as pretty cruel.
They're lying to you,
Mr. Boimler.
Why did he throw you
into danger all day?
Because I knew
he could handle it.
You're a capable,
prepared officer.
Extremely prepared,
to an unhealthy degree.
You noticed.
Oh, well.
[HUMMING]
Sorry, Commander.
Looks like Mr. Boimler's
made his decision.
You're damn right I have.
- [SHOUTS]
- [SCREAMS] Stop him!
- [LAUGHS]
- [GRUNTING]
He's too greasy and wiry.
- It's like trying to grab a string bean.
- Whoo!
Ha, ha!
Oh!
MARINER:
Are you sure this'll work?
Nope, but we're out of time.
- Jump!
- [BOTH SCREAM]
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
We need to disrupt the signal.
That's still the plan.
Hit it, T'lyn.
[INHALES SHARPLY]
Hmm.
[SHARP TONE PLAYING]
It's working. Keep vibing.
[DINGS]
[CHEERING]
[SCREAMING, SHOUTING]
MILIUS: Quickly, my acolytes,
it's almost happy hour.
I must escape
to the Diamond Lounge.
Throw yourselves at them.
Sacrifice your very lives!
That's not really the vibe
we're here for.
Yeah, I should probably
be getting back.
My wife thinks
I'm at the buffet.
No.
You can't force me to return.
I'll be put in charge of a fleet
that's stationed at Starbase 80
or something.
Sorry, brah,
but the vacation's over.
And I still have my hands.
Both of them.
[CLEARS THROAT]
You are Krog on the Rocks.
That is correct.
And you are a Vulcan.
I apologize for playing
your Vibe Tubes.
It was presumptuous.
That is illogical.
You have saved my life.
You practice logic?
In my ongoing quest
for inner chill,
I have become an adoptee
of Vulcan meditative practices.
I am a big fan of your work.
And I of yours.
[EXHALES]: Oh, yeah.
Well, even though we
weren't a great couple,
I guess we make a decent team.
- I guess so.
- [SIGHS]
I'm sorry I made you sit on
your feelings for a whole year.
I really went
out of my way to avoid
a direct conversation, huh?
Look, you're talking
to someone who pretended
to still be in a relationship
to trick her ex
into fully breaking up with her.
I'm sorry, too.
We really are sort of chaotic.
That's why we were fun.
Whoa, check this out.
The nanites weren't
acting independently.
- What does that mean?
- That signal.
They were being controlled
by a single, microscopic ship.
MARINER: Wait,
is that an Intrepid-class?
RUTHERFORD:
They're hailing us.
[EXHALES]
Starfleet, thank God.
This is Captain Tersal
of theEndeavor.
Our ship was pulled through some
sort of parallel universe fissure.
We've been through
a month of hell.
A month?
FREEMAN:
Captain's Log, supplemental.
A routine nanite relocation
has unexpectedly become
a rescue mission.
A Federation starship
from a dimension
of a much smaller scale
was stranded in ours.
Their attempts at gathering
power and materials
to create their own dimensional gate
appeared to us as a destructive swarm.
Thank you again
for providing us
with safe harbor,
Captain Freeman.
I just wish
we were able to devise
a way to send you back home.
We've encountered a fissure
similar to the one
that pulled you here,
but, we can't recreate it.
I appreciate the effort.
Perhaps we're doomed
to live
out our days the size of an amoeba.
Well, we might not
have the resources,
but, Mr. Boimler here
was able to pull some strings
with an admiral.
I'll be canceling
all previous missions
and focusing solely on getting
you home, Captain Tersal.
Admiral Milius?
You exist in my dimension, too.
But there, you just milk whales.
Uh, yes, well,
that's not the case here.
T'Lyn, I got you something.
Hmm. It appears someone
has defaced this image.
What? No, it's Krog's autograph.
It holds no scientific value.
Oh. I guess I can recycle it.
I should keep it in my quarters,
in case I need to study
handwriting in the future.
Hey. 'Bout to head off
to the Manitoba.
I'm glad we finally talked.
Yeah, last time
when I was leaving,
neither of us
handled it very well.
Good luck at the new gig, babe.
Thanks, babe.
[GASPS]
This is the first time
I haven't been mortal
enemies with an ex.
Exciting.
I'm proud of you, Mariner.
Sounds like you had
a tough conversation.
Sure, I mean it took a giant,
destructive ball of nanites
to get me there, but still.
It counts.
So, Milius agreed to help
the micro-ship get back home?
Yep. He even showered.
I managed to show
a full-blown admiral
how rewarding Starfleet can be.
- How cool is that?
- Great work, Lieutenant.
I told you,
always good to have a wiry guy.
Thank you, sir.
Have you seen Ensign Manhaver?
We're going to a lava planet
to try and wrangle
some crystalline spiders.
He loves dangerous stuff.
Figured he'd want in.
Oh, there he is, behind the bar.
BOIMLER: Oh, [BLEEP].
He sees you, Jet. Run!
RANSOM: Hey, get back here.
This is gonna be fun.
There's gonna be magma.
JET: I just got these hands!