Tales from the Crypt (1989) s05e03 Episode Script

YES, I THINK THE FISH-EYE LENS WILL DO FINE.
GREETINGS, FASHION FIENDS.
SO GLAD YOU COULD JOIN ME.
BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOUR PAL THE CRYPT KEEPER DABBLED IN PHOTOGRAPHY.
I JUST LOVE WINDING A FEW ROLLS OF KODAGROAN INTO MY CAMERA, TURNING ON THE OLD FRIGHT METER, AND SNAPPING OFF A FEW HEAD SHOTS.
HEE HEE HEE! TONIGHT'S PUTRID PICTURE IS SURE TO INCREASE YOUR SHUDDER SPEED.
IT'S ABOUT A PHOTOGRAPHER WHO'S LOSING HIS TOUCH AND WOULD DO ALMOST ANYTHING TO GET IT BACK.
DID I SAY "ALMOST"? I CALL THIS SICKENING SNAPSHOT FOREVER AMBERGRIS.
FOREVER AMBERGRIS WHAT DO YOU THINK? BE HONEST WITH ME, ALL RIGHT? JUST--YOU KNOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEY'RE NOT BAD.
NOT BAD.
I MEAN, YOU'VE GOT YOUR BASIC MOTHER WITH DEAD CHILD.
YEAH, NOT BAD.
YOU WANT TO SEE MINE? YEAH, SURE.
THESE ARE GOOD, MAN.
COME ON, IKE.
I PREFER TO JERK MYSELF OFF, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
THEY'RE FUCKING SHIT.
DID YOU EVER SEE ANY OF MY OLD STUFF? SEEN IT? MAN, I STUDIED IT.
THE ONE FROM TONKIN, WITH THE SOLDIERS AT BIEN HO? THE ONE THAT GOT YOU THE ROBERT CAPA AWARD? I GOT THAT HANGING IN MY BEDROOM.
AND THE ONE IN '69, WITH THE BUDDHIST BONZE WHO SET HIMSELF ON FIRE, AT THE PROTEST OF DIEM-- IKE-- I WAS 7 YEARS OLD WHEN I SAW THAT, MAN.
I, LIKE, STARED AT IT FOR DAYS.
IKE-- AND THE ONE FROM LEBANON, WITH THE KID WITH THE-- IKE, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME.
OH, SORRY.
OHYOU KNOW, I THINK I'VE LOST IT.
NO WAY, MAN.
NOT YOU.
COME ON, YOU'RE DALTON SCOTT.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST.
SHUT THE FUCK UP, IKE.
HEY, WHAT'S THAT SMELL? IT'S SWEET BALSAM.
IT'S GOOD FOR INCENSE.
THEY GOT GOOD INCENSE IN IRAQ.
I BRING SOME BACK EVERY ASSIGNMENT FOR MY GIRL.
WHO'S THAT, BOBBI? YEAH.
YOU REALLY GOT TO MEET HER SOME TIME, DALT.
HEY, MAYBE THIS TRIP YOU CAN COME BY FOR DINNER SOME NIGHT.
OH, COME ON.
BACK IN THE WORLD FOR 2 WEEKS, ALL THE GIRLS ON THE BEACHES OF SAN DIEGO WAITING FOR ME I'M GONNA COME AND HAVE A COZY DINNER WITH YOU AND YOUR HAUSFRAU.
WELL, LOOK, IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND BOBBI'S THE KIND OF GIRL THAT CAN MAKE YOU FORGET THAT SHIT-STORM BACK THERE JUST BY THE WAY SHE CRINKLES HER BROW, I SWEAR.
YEAH, WELL.
DEEP-SIX THE STINKY STUFF, IKE.
IT'S MAKING ME SICK.
YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT SOME OF THIS? ALL RIGHT.
THANKS, MAN.
WHAT AM I LOOKING AT? WHAT IS THIS? I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M LOOKING AT.
I LOOK AT THIS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M LOOKING AT.
THIS LOOKS LIKE IT WAS SHOT BY MY NEPHEW WITH HIS INSTAMATIC, AND THIS ISN'T THE FIRST.
RANDOLPH-- I WAS TELLING MY GUY AT THETIMES, DALTON SCOTT, IN HIS PRIME, COULD CAPTURE THE HORRORS OF AN ENTIRE WAR IN THE FACE OF A CHILD.
NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN, THAT'S SAID, UH, THROUGH MY NEPHEW? RANDOLPH, I'M WORKING ON SOMETHING REALLY BIG.
I GOT A TIP.
WHERE? CENTRAL AMERICA.
CENTRAL AMERICA IS SO EIGHTIES, DALTON.
YEAH.
THIS IS SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL.
I'M GOING OUT WITH A GUERRILLA-BACKED MERCENARY UNIT.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS STUFF? ISAAC FORTE? THIS KID IS A STAR.
THIS KID IS YOU BEFORE BEIRUT AND PANAMA AND AFGHANISTAN TURNED YOU INTO MY NEPHEW.
I HATE TO THINK OF THE BATON BEING PASSED, DALTON, AND YOU ONLY BOLLOCKS! YOU'RE GOING DOWN SOON? YEAH.
FRIDAY.
BRING ME BACK SOMETHING LARGE, DALTON.
BREAK MY HEART.
BREAK IT IN TWO.
AND, OF COURSE, YOU TAKE THE FORTE KID WITH YOU.
YEAH, OF COURSE.
OH, EXCUSE ME.
I'M LOOKING FOR ISAAC FORTE.
YOU FOUND HIM.
MM-HMM.
BOBBI? Ike: HEY, DALTON.
OH, WOW, MAN, I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D COME.
DALTON, THIS IS BOBBI.
BOBBI, THIS IS-- THIS IS DALTON SCOTT, THE GUY I'M ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT.
I FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU ALREADY.
HEY, COME ON IN, COME ON IN.
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME FOR SUPPER.
WOW, THIS IS GREAT! * YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL * * BABE, YOU'VE GOT TO SEE MY LOVE IS REAL * HEY, DALTON, WANT TO DANCE WITH BOBBI? ISAAC COME ON, BABY.
DANCE WITH THE GUY.
HE'S MY BOSS.
YOU HAVE TO.
COME ON.
HE HASN'T SEEN BLOND HAIR IN 3 MONTHS.
HE'S GOIN' NUTS.
COME ON.
IKE, I'M FINE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
JUST A LITTLE DANCE.
I DON'T DANCE.
IT'S OK.
IT'S OK.
SHE DON'T MIND.
COME ON.
YOU DANCE, EVERYBODY DANCES.
BOBBI'S A GREAT DANCER.
SHE'LL SHOW YOU HOW.
I GOT TO PEE.
IS THIS OK WITH YOU? YEAH.
HE'S DRUNK.
HE'S HOME.
NO OFFENSE, BUT YOU-- DON'T SEEM THE TYPE OF GIRL TO GO WITH A GUY LIKE IKE.
REALLY? COMBAT PHOTOGRAPHER? WELL, WHY NOT? I THINK SPIRITUALISM IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF POLITICAL PROTESTING, YOU KNOW? ISAAC SEES THINGS LIKE NOBODY.
HE HAS THE EYE.
WE WERE OUT HIKING ONCE.
WE FOUND THIS DEAD POSSUM.
IT HAD BEEN DEAD FOR DAYS, DECAYED, SWIMMING WITH MAGGOTS.
IT WAS HORRIBLE.
YET, ISAAC THOUGHT IT WAS, LIKE, LOVELY.
HE--HE DUG IT.
HE TRIPPED ON THE MAGGOTS, ON THE LIFE GROWING WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF DEATH.
HE FINDS BEAUTY EVEN IN THE MOST GROTESQUE THINGS.
THAT IS HIS GIFT.
HEY! EVERYBODY HAVING FUN? YEAH, HAVING A BALL.
THAT GOOD? YEP.
I BEEN IN THE JUNGLE TOO LONG, BABY.
I DRANK TOO MUCH.
HI.
WHOO.
YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T SMOKED THIS SHIT SINCE THE FALKLANDS.
IT RELAXES ME.
ESPECIALLY AFTER AN INTENSE FUCK.
YOU LIKE TO WATCH, DON'T YOU, DALTON? EXCUSE ME? OH, YOU KNOW.
PHOTOGRAPHERS.
THEY WATCH WHILE OTHERS DO.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN IKE'S AWAY? OH, THE USUAL WARTIME WIDOW STUFF.
YOU MUST GET VERY LONELY.
SURE, BUT WE ALL HAVE TO MAKE SACRIFICES.
IKE AND ME, WE'RE IN A PRETTY DANGEROUS RACKET.
NOW, IF I HAD A GIRL LIKE YOU AT HOME, I WOULDN'T BE OUT THERE RISKING MY NECK FOR A FEW LOUSY PICTURES.
WHAT IF HE DOESN'T COME BACK? I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.
YEAH, BUT WHAT IF HE DOESN'T? I'D PROBABLY DIE MYSELF.
NOW, THAT WOULD BE A TRAGEDY.
DON'T.
WHAT'S UP? YOU'RE VERY STRONG AND YOU'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE.
ISAAC WORSHIPS YOU, BUT YOU SEE, DALTON, I WORSHIP ISAAC.
TAKE CARE OF HIM FOR ME, OK? TAKE CARE OF MY BABY.
NIGHT.
NIGHT.
DALTON SCOTT.
ROCK.
HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE LIBYA, DALTON.
WHAT BRINGS YOU DOWN HERE? IT'S THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN.
I NEED SOMETHING BIG TO GET ME BACK INTO IT.
I'M A HORSE HAIR AWAY FROM TAKING HIGH-SCHOOL GRADUATION PICTURES.
SAY CHEESE, SKIPPY.
SAME OLD ROCK.
I HEAR NICE THINGS ABOUT VALMALERA.
VALMALERA? IT'S A CAMPESINO VILLAGEWAS.
NOTHING LEFT OF IT NOW.
WORD IS, IT MAKES MY LAI LOOK LIKE A JUNIOR PROM.
OF COURSE, THAT'S STRICTLY CLASSIFIED.
IS THAT IT? NONE OF THE CAMPESINOS KILLED WERE SHOT OR FRAGGED.
THEY FOUND CANISTERS HERE.
THAT AIN'T GOING TO BE EASY TO GET TO.
OH, IT'LL BE EASY TO GET TO.
IT JUST AIN'T GOING TO BE EASY TO LEAVE.
THE VILLAGE IS CONTAMINATED.
GERM WARFARE? DALTON, YOU GO TO VALMALERA, YOU TAKE YOUR PICTURES, AND YOU DON'T COME BACK.
I'LL COME BACK.
BE LUCKY.
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET HER, ALL RIGHT? I'LL SHOW HER A THING OR TWO.
LET'S GET IT TOGETHER, MEN.
THE GHOSTS ARE OUT THERE.
I CAN FEEL 'EM.
YO.
YOU GOT TO EXCUSE UNCLE SALTY, MAN.
HE'S ONE OF THOSE "STILL IN SAIGON, "CHARLEY'S IN THE WIRE, COME ON, BABY, LIGHT MY FIRE, MOTHERFUCKER.
" THERE HE IS.
DALTON SCOTT.
DIE FOR HIS CAMERA, MERCS.
BLEED FOR THE FRONT PAGE.
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, SALUCCI? YOU.
YOU'RE THE ONLY GUY I KNOW WHO USES THE GREAT AMERICAN FIGHTING MAN LIKE A $5.
00-A-THROW BEANER WHORE.
YOU'RE THE ONE SPREADING YOUR LEGS FOR THE HIGHEST BIDDER.
I'M JUST HERE TO RECORD YOUR POSITION.
RELAX, BOYS.
RELAX.
ANYWAY, TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, I AIN'T GOING OUT WITH YOU TODAY.
IKE IS.
I'M GOING DOWN TO VALMALERA.
VALMALERA? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT? HEY, DALTON, THEY SAID IT WAS REAL BAD, MAN-- SAID THE DEAD LOOK LIKE THEY HAD BEEN PUT THROUGH A BLENDER.
SOUNDS RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY.
NOBODY DOES HUMAN SUFFERING LIKE DALTON SCOTT, RIGHT? RIGHT?! HEY, DALTON, CAN I GO WITH YOU? NO WAY, MAN.
ONE OF US HAS TO GO OUT WITH THE MERCS.
IF WE DON'T GET SOME COMBAT SHOTS, RANDOLPH'S GONNA HAVE MY BALLS.
WELL, MAYBE WHAT? MAYBE YOU CAN GO WITH THE MERCS, AND I CAN GO TO VALMALERA.
YOU LITTLE FUCK.
WHAT? YOU PLAY THAT "AW, SHUCKS" THING JUST LIKE A FUCKING PRO, BUT THE TRUTH IS YOU'RE A JACKAL, JUST TRYING TO DEPRIVE ME OF ONE LAST WALK IN THE SUN.
NO, MAN, THAT AIN'T IT.
THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE TO GET BACK TO WHERE I WAS AT THE START OF THIS FUCKING PIG CIRCUS, AND YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME? NO WAY! HEY, DON'T-- COME ON, MAN, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF, ABOUT BEING TOO JADED.
AND THIS IS, LIKE, AN OPPORTUNITY.
WE'D SHARE THE SHOTS.
SHARE THE SHOTS? SHARE THE FUCKING SHOTS?! GET OUT OF MY FACE.
YOU GO.
HEY, I'M SORRY, MAN.
GO.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU CAN CAPTURE IT MUCH BETTER THAN ME.
WE CAN SHARE SO GO GET IT, IKE.
GET IT GOOD.
THANKS, DALTON.
CHANGE OF PLANS, MEN.
I'M COMING WITH YOU.
IKE'S GOING TO VALMALERA.
YOU SENDING HIM ALONE? YEAH, WELL, YOU CAN SEND ONE OF YOUR GUYS, IF YOU LIKE.
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, SEND SALUCCI.
FUCK YOU.
SALUCCI GOES WITH US.
BUT YOU RUN INTO ANYTHING, YOU LAY CHILLY.
AND YOU GET BACK HERE DIDI MAO.
HEY, I'LL BE COOL.
I'LL SHOOT THEM WITH THIS.
MOVE OUT, GUYS.
HEY, UNCLE SALTY, TELL ME, IS THIS THE ONE WHERE THE GOOD GOVERNMENT'S FIGHTING THE BAD GUERRILLAS, OR THE BAD GOVERNMENT'S FIGHTING GOOD GUERRILLAS? AW, SHIT, MAN.
WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? WE'VE BEEN OUT ALL DAY.
WE AIN'T SEEN NO HOOCH, NO NOTHING.
A WASTE OF TIME.
I TELL YOU WHAT-- YOU GUYS ARE GETTING FAT AND LAZY, MAN.
YOU NEED THE EXERCISE.
I TELL YOU WHAT-- PIRATE, I WANTMY FUCKING PENTHOUSE BACK.
KEEP IT DOWN.
HEY, I WAS GETTING WORRIED.
DID YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE? NOPE.
YOU? IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE, DALTON.
I SWEAR TO GOD, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
IT WAS, LIKE, HAUNTED, MAN.
WHATEVER ARTILLERY HIT THESE PEOPLE, HIT THEM HARD.
THERE WAS CRAZY VEGETATION, SPOOKY-ASS BUGS.
SMELL THE FIRE STILL BURNING.
I'M WRITING BOBBI A POSTCARD NOW, TELLING ABOUT IT.
YOU GOT TO SEE IT.
EVEN YOU CAN GET A GOOD SH-- I MEAN, IT WAS AMAZING.
AMAZING, HUH? YEAH.
YOU GET SOME GOOD SHOTS? OH, MAN, I GOT SOME BRILLIANT SHOTS.
WE'RE GONNA HIT 'EM ALL, MAN-- TIME, NEWSWEEK, NEW YORK FREAKIN' POST.
HA HA! I'M GOING TO GET SALUCCI-- SEE IF I CAN'T GET THESE OFF IN THE NEXT MAIL.
HOW THE FUCK DOES HE DO IT? AH, I'M TELLING YOU, DALTON, WAR MIGHT BE HELL, BUT, GOD, IT SURE MAKES YOU SLEEP GOOD.
AAHHH! AAH! WHAT'S THE MATTER? IT BURNS! AAH! IT BURNS! WHAT BURNS? WHAT'S WRONG? I DON'T KNOW! OH! OH! HERE, HAVE A DRINK.
HEY, WHAT'S UP IN THERE, MAN? NOTHING.
NOTHING.
WE'RE OK.
I'M GONNA GET LITTLE WING ON THE RADIO.
AAH! AAH! HEY, WHAT'S UP, DALTON? WHAT'S UP IN THERE, MAN? IKE'S GOT SOME KIND OF FEVER.
SHOULDN'T WE CALL THE MEDIC? NO, MAN.
IT'S OK.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
NO.
WHAT'S UP IN THERE, MAN? I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM, MAN! ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
UHHAAH DALTON! UHH I RADIOED FOR A MEDIC.
THEY'RE GONNA CHOPPER YOU TO BASE CAMP HOSPITAL.
AND IF THE DOCTORS THINK IT'S NECESSARY, THEY CAN GET YOU TO MANAGUA IN 8 HOURS.
AAAHH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! AAH! CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING? YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.
REALLY.
YOU'RE STARTING TO LOOK LIKE THE HOUSE SALAD, WITH DRESSING ON THE SIDE.
VALMALERA? YOU GOT IT, BROTHER.
THOSE PEASANTS WEREN'T KILLED BY NO ARTILLERY ROUNDS.
YOU'RE DEEP IN THE HURT LOCKER NOW.
WHY? WHY DO YOU THINK, ISAAC? WHY? I'M ON THE COMEBACK TRAIL.
AND WHO WOULD LOOK AFTER THAT SWEET LITTLE GIRL OF YOURS? BOBBI.
AAHAAH! THERE GOES THAT WONDERFUL EYE OF YOURS.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO GET ME SOME FRESH AIR.
NO OFFENSE, BROTHER, BUT YOU'RE STARTING TO GET A LITTLE RIPE.
OHHH! BACK IN THE 'NAM, I KNEW A LANCE CORPORAL-- ECHO COMPANY, THIRD BATTALION, KHANH DIEN.
NOW, ONE NIGHT, HE GETS A SMALL CASE OF THE ROT.
WOKE UP IN THE MORNING, THE BUGS HAD EATEN HIS NOSE OFF.
SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY COMBING THE DEEP, HAIRY BUSH FOR BUGS.
AND EVERY BUG HE'D FIND, HE'D CUT IT OPEN LOOKING TO PUT HIS NOSE BACK TOGETHER.
I THINK HE MUST HAVE PICKED UP SOMETHING IN VALMALERA.
I'LL BET HE DID.
AMAZING, ISN'T IT, HOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
CHRIST ON A-- DALT-- YOU KILLED HIM.
I HAD TO.
WHATEVER HE'S GOT IS CONTAGIOUS.
HE WAS COMING STRAIGHT AT US.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, SARGE? I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
WE BURN IT.
WE CAN'T RISK CONTAMINATION.
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, SARGE? I THINK HE'S RIGHT.
WE BURN IT MOST RICKI TIC.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH.
I'VE BEEN COVERING THE WAR RACKET SINCE INCHON, AND I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH HORROR.
YOU'VE GOT IT BACK, DALTON.
YOU'VE GOT IT BACK.
YOU'LL GET ANOTHER CAPITAL AWARD FOR THIS STUFF.
TOO BAD ABOUT FORTE, THOUGH.
KID WAS GOOD.
KID WAS REAL GOOD.
WAR IS HELL, RANDOLPH.
THESE ARE LOVELY.
THANK YOU, DALTON.
IT WAS THE LEAST I COULD DO.
THIS CAME FROM ISAAC YESTERDAY.
IT WAS WEIRD, READING HIS POSTCARD, KNOWING IT WAS WRITTEN BY A DEAD MAN.
YOU WERE NICE TO GIVE HIM THAT LAST ASSIGNMENT.
HE WAS VERY GRATEFUL.
YOU WERE THERE.
DID HE SUFFER? NO.
HE WENT VERY, VERY PEACEFULLY.
THERE WAS THIS LETTER CAME WITH HIS POSTCARD AND PACKAGES.
IT WAS A CRAZY LETTER, SAYING HOW YOU SENT HIM TO THAT VILLAGE KNOWING HE'D GET SICK.
HOW ISAAC TOOK THE PICTURES, YOU DIDN'T.
HOW, AFTER HE WAS SICK, YOU SHOT HIM DEAD.
IT WAS FROM A DOMINIC SALUCCI.
I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT.
I STILL DON'T.
I KNOW YOU BULLIED ISAAC, BUT I KNOW YOU REALLY LOVED HIM.
I LOVED HIM LIKE A BROTHER.
I SAW THE PHOTOS, DALTON.
THEY WERE ISAAC'S PHOTOS.
YOU KILLED MY ISAAC.
WHATEVER HE HAD WE'VE NOW GOT.
WHAT? ISAAC SENT ME SOME OF THE BALSAM FROM THE VILLAGE.
WE JUST SMOKED IT.
WE'LL BOTH DIE.
SURE.
WE ALL HAVE TO MAKE SACRIFICES.
YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY.
NO! GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! NO! OH, GOD, NO! NO! NO! NO! NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL ROMANCE.
BOY GETS GIRL.
BOY LOSES GIRL.
BOY GETS GIRL AND GOES TO PIECES OVER HER.
YOU'LL BE PLEASED TO KNOW, KIDDIES, THAT THINGS TURNED OUT PRETTY WELL FOR BOBBI.
SHE GOT HERSELF A JOB AND STARTED MODELING FOR VIC-GORE-IA'S SECRET.
BEAUTIFUL.
BEAUTIFUL! TURN YOUR HEAD A LITTLE MORE TOWARD ME.
JUST A LITTLE MORE LITTLE MORE AH, PERFECT!