The Nanny s05e03 Episode Script

Oh, Miss Fine, it's been two weeks.
The mourning period has to end.
Oh, it's just so tragic, I mean, it shouldn't have been.
A lot of people screw up their first dates.
( laughter ) Now, get out of those depressing clothes.
No.
I need to wear this.
It gives me closure.
Besides, black is slimming.
( laughter ) And I'm gonna need it.
There's nothing more pathetic than a woman who eats out of frustration because she doesn't have a man.
( laughter ) Do you have any more of this mesquite barbecue sauce? 'Cause it's really yummy.
Just forget it, Brighton.
It's never gonna happen.
Never gonna happen? Just because I screwed up with Elton John you're not gonna date me Oh, you meant Brighton.
( laughter ) I won a radio contest and the winner gets Brian Setzer to shoot a video in their house.
Brian Setzer, I love him.
He used to be a Stray Cat.
I've been listening to him since the early '80s.
Is it true back then people used to listen to their music on some sort of primitive, large, black, vinyl disc? ( laughter ) Only when we weren't enjoying our favorite past-time.
Child hurling.
Dad, it's The answer, Brighton, is still no.
But what's the big deal? I mean, it's three hours on a Friday night.
Look, maybe your father has plans Friday night.
Dinner for two, al fresco, at Nello's, starting with the fried artichokes, God willing.
( laughter ) No, I do not have plans Friday night.
And I am not leaving this house.
But You want one? ( laughter ) She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens Till her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes What was she to do, where was she to go, she was out on her fanny So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door She was there to sell make-up but the father saw more She had style, she had flair, she was there, that's how she became the Nanny Who would have guessed that the girl we described Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? Now, the father finds her beguiling Watch out, C.
C.
And the kids are actually smiling Such joie de vivre She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan The flashy girl from Flushing, the Nanny named Fran.
I can't believe they won't let you have a cat in the dorm.
Mmh.
Hey, you told me that your cousin had a pet and she went to Columbia.
A chicken, at the University of Bogota.
( laughter ) Oh, wow, aren't you hot stuff? You know who you remind me of? Barbara Stanwyck from "The Big Valley.
" ( laughter ) Fran, I just want to look cool for when they come to check out the house for the music video.
Oh, by the way, how can I thank you for getting Dad to say yes? Get your Dad to say yes.
Brighton, you are so pathetic.
I mean, he walks around the house all day with his guitar and he doesn't even know how to play.
Hey, you wear a bra.
( laughter ) Hey, at least I've actually seen one.
- Why don't you just shut up? - You shut up.
( Doorbell rings ) Hey, knock it off.
You're young adults, stop acting like children.
Hi.
Come on in.
Who are you? Bobbi Flekman, VP of Record Promotions.
Say hello to my assistant, Chloe.
- Hello - Shh! I'm talking on the phone.
( laughter ) You know they're so sweet, they're so fresh.
Come on, they're the hottest bands in town.
Don't you love Wu-Tang Clan? With chicken or pork? ( laughter ) Yeah, well if you saw her you'd understand.
(yelling) Brighton, the record lady's here.
I'm Fran Fine, the nanny.
Nanny, you're sure living fat.
I'm just retaining a little.
See, I had some salty fish last night.
Shh.
You, don't talk so much.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you lose your train of thought? No, it's just your voice is so annoying, honey.
( laughter ) Hi, I'm Brighton Sheffield, it's such an honor to I'm nobody.
Hi, I'm Brighton Sheffield, it's such an honor to meet you.
What a handsome boy.
You're gonna look great in all the publicity pictures.
Chloe, make a note, let's get some color on this milquetoast punim.
( laughter ) Where's the father? I've gotta have him sign some of these release forms.
God, that was so weird.
She looked just like you.
Really? Oh, maybe in about 10 years.
( laughter ) Who are you? Oh, Bobbi Flekman.
Wow, aren't we chic? But what's with B'nai B'rith Barbie out there? ( laughter ) Haha.
We're gonna get along just fine.
C.
C.
Babcock, I'm Maxwell Sheffield's partner.
Oh? A partner.
Well, it's nice to meet a sister who's made it to the top.
Where's your office? I travel a lot.
Sometimes I work here, and sometimes I work here.
( laughter ) Uh-huh.
Well, where's your partner? He's the guy I'm really trying to nail down.
Well, get in the line.
( laughs ) ( laughter ) Do we have the hots for our boss? Have we seen our boss? Honey, you look like a smart woman.
You're not, but you look like one.
( laughter ) Baby, you're a doormat, an old shoe.
No man is worth this.
Stop being a masochist.
I am not a masochist.
Well, don't go ( laughter ) Oh, my God, Bobbi.
Maxwell Sheffield, you know, I knew that name sounded familiar.
How the heck are you? I'm great, I'm great.
You know, we go back to London days.
I tried to get him to produce my friend's play, but he thought it was a dog.
What was the name of it? "Hair.
" ( laughter ) "Cats" and "Hair"? ( laughter ) So listen, Bobbi, we have to have dinner together.
All right.
- C.
C.
, are you doing anything? - No.
Oh, great, make reservations for us, would you? ( laughter ) Oh, Miss Babcock, I feel so sorry for you.
You're going to be alone and miserable for the rest of your life.
You heard what just happened? No, what just happened? ( laughter ) - Miss Fine! Thank God.
- What? Get in there, flirt with Max.
Why are you wearing pants? ( laughter ) Let's put it this way.
If I miss one more waxing appointment, I'm going to be pulling a beer wagon for Budweiser.
( laughter ) There's a gorgeous woman shamelessly throwing herself at Maxwell.
I know, but I blew it on the first date.
Not you, Bobbi Flekman.
Now go in.
You know, put on a shirt skirt and get in there and flirt.
It's too late.
The man hates me.
So you blew it.
Are you going to let one lousy date discourage you? You wuss.
I didn't even let his wife stand in my way.
( laughter ) You think I'm pathetic now? You should have seen me as her maid-of-honor.
( laughter ) Forget it.
He's never going to ask me out again.
It's only because he's torn between you and the other woman he loves.
Who? Me.
( laughter ) Don't you see? Bobbi Flekman is an amalgamation of the two of us.
She is everything he is searching for in a woman.
- Beauty, brains and a slut.
- Hey.
You know, you may be on to something.
( Both gasp ) Ooh! ( laughter ) You know what's wrong with this whole relationship between me and Mr.
Sheffield, don't you? I'm not in it.
( laughter ) Well, maybe Mr.
Sheffield and Bobbi Flekman are just friends.
You're always saying how you want to meet new people.
Well, that's different, Val.
That's me! What the hell does he need to meet new people for? Everybody he needs to know is right here.
Yeah.
And you know what I don't get is, how can he be attracted to you and her? The guy's taste is all over the map.
( laughter ) You know, this isn't even really about me, Val.
I'm concerned about the children.
I mean, she's a career woman.
Kids are just an imposition to her.
- Fran - What? ( laughter ) Val, would you go? Yeah.
( laughter ) Oh, Ma.
Have you ever been concerned about losing Daddy? Once.
He was sexually attracted to Kate Smith.
( laughter ) How I get any action from that chubby chaser I'll never know.
( laughter ) I'll tell you, one disastrous little date and Mr.
Sheffield is already looking at someone else.
I mean, if I thought that he liked older women, I would have told him the truth.
( laughter ) Oh, Ma, what am I doing wrong? Darling, you were always very attractive to men, but you never knew how to reel them in.
Somehow, I never passed that on to you.
( laughter ) I just give up.
I just give up.
Don't give up.
Say you're at a buffet, and there's one piece of cheesecake left.
And some obnoxious woman tries to grab it.
What do you do? Cut in front of you, Ma.
( laughter ) Exactly.
Cut right in front of that Bobbi Flekman at the man buffet.
And grab your piece.
( laughter ) Oh, Ma.
How am I gonna do that? Your Chinese chicken salad's here, Bobbi.
Fran, she thought Shh.
Bobbi's thinking, honey.
( laughter ) Brian, bubi! Bobbi, baby.
( Applause ) Maxwell Sheffield, Brian.
- Nice to meet you.
- How do you do? You know, I was in a rock group once.
Yeah, the Strawberry Sheffield's Forever.
( laughter ) Ah, those were the days, my friend.
We thought they'd never end.
( laughter ) You're a friend of Pete Townshend's, aren't you? Yeah, you're that guy that passed on "Tommy.
" ( laughter ) "Tommy," "Hair," "Cats"? ( laughter ) Hey.
Who are they? They're the rest of the Brian Setzer Orchestra.
You got enough food? Oh.
We did.
( laughter ) How am I going to lose weight with all this food here? Remind me later.
I'll give you my trainer's number.
( laughter ) Excuse me, Miss Flekman.
- Yeah? - There's a limo driver out back who has a message for you, from a musician.
Oh, who? Uh, Stink.
( laughter ) You mean Sting? Yeah.
( laughter ) ( knocking at the door ) ( laughter ) Oh, my God, Brian Setzer, Brian Setzer.
Brian, baby, Sheffield's daughter wants an autograph.
Do you mind signing your CD? Sure, what's her name? - Franny Fine.
- Franny Fine? ( laughter ) - Thanks, sweetie.
- You're welcome.
Where's Mr.
Sheffield? Oh, I don't know, Miss Flekman.
Did you just change clothes? No! Oh, I almost blew it, didn't I, Fran? Shh! Val! Go home! Val! Get out! ( laughter ) A damned inconvenience, is what this whole thing is.
There's nothing worse than having to accommodate a bunch of rude dilettantes with over-inflated egos.
Did you ever had to run out in the middle of the night to buy somebody tampons? - No.
- Then shut up.
( laughter ) The only reason I keep this stupid job is because I'm hoping she'll put me in a video.
And you don't think it's pathetic to compromise yourself just for a shot at 15 minutes of fame? Chloe, call casting.
We need to fit someone into the Esther Williams bathing suit.
Is it cut high on the sides? ( laughter ) ( Brian Setzer singing "The House is Rockin") ( people clapping ) Cut! Cut! ( Applause ) What happened? I thought you were gonna be in the music video? Oh, no, I was only kidding.
I'm not going to make an idiot of myself.
- The bathing suit didn't fit.
- It was a petite 12.
( laughter ) All right, everybody, take five.
Well, we'll try it again.
Excuse me, if you opened up one of the seams in the back I don't turn around.
No! ( laughter ) Oh, Bobbi.
Yeah, that's me.
We gotta talk about us.
Uh, you know, it's over for me, and time to move on.
What's over? Well, it's obvious that you're crazy about me, but it's just never gonna happen.
I mean, I'm old enough to be that adorable nanny's mother.
( laughter ) Bobbi, forgive me, I'm a little confused here.
I was under the impression we were just good friends.
Whah-t? ( laughter ) Are you telling me that there's nothing between us whatsoever? Well, I'm dreadfully sorry if I've given you the wrong impression.
Oh, no no, that's okay, that's okay.
You know, I misread signals all the time.
At my age you tend to become muy desperado.
Well, anyway, gotta go, ciao.
Oh, Bobbi, oh, Bobbi, forgive me.
I don't know what came over me.
All of a sudden I felt something.
( laughter ) Something I've been fighting ever since I laid eyes on you, But I thought that you said that we were just friends.
Oh that? Oh, no, that's just a lie that I use when I feel a woman's getting too close.
I've used it on my nanny thousands of times.
( laughter ) Are you all right? Oh, yeah, I mean, I just I like your nanny.
And I feel sorry for her and I'm gonna go to her, she needs me.
No no, wait, I think I love you.
No, get away from me.
Leave me alone, leave me alone.
Leave me alone ( laughter ) Oh, call me crazy, call me impulsive, but will you marry me? ( Gasps ) How could you propose to You know, there is a band waiting in there and I do have a rabbi on speed dial Miss Fine ( laughter ) You knew it was me.
Of course I knew it was you all along.
Well, then I'm holding you to your proposal.
And in New York state, a verbal agreement - Don't push it.
- Done pushing.
Almost.
Why were you kissing Bobbi Flekman? To thank her.
Don't you remember Elton John dropped out of my show thanks to you.
Vaguely.
Well, Bobbi was kind enough to talk to Mick Jagger about replacing him.
Oh.
So it's imperative we all make Bobbi very very happy.
Oh.
( Bobbi screams gagged) I don't get today's music.
The Red Hot Chili Peppers Give me the '60s.
Cream, Vanilla Fudge.
( laughter ) Now that was a turn-on.
( laughter ) ( band playing ) ( singing ) Cut! Cut! Get that darn butler out of the shot.
( laughter ) ( applause ) ( playing Brian Setzer's 'The House is Rockin' )