The Secret Life of the American Teenager s05e03 Episode Script

GRACE: Previously on The Secret Life of the American Teenager If Amy and Ricky got married, I am really going to be upset with you.
Why? Why me? Be upset with them if you want to be upset with anyone.
It's just that I'm not ready to go back to my house and confront everyone.
Part of the reason I wanted to elope was because I'm tired of everyone being involved in our business.
They were roasting marshmallows over a Bunsen burner.
What? And an hour later, boom, the lab blows up and the school burns down.
I can't keep dating Jack to get information.
I don't love him.
I don't love him at all.
Is Amy okay? I think maybe she and Ricky eloped last night.
to talk.
Ben! Ben! You think you're going to hell because we kissed? Is that why you're a Christian again? That might have something to do with it.
Ashley, do you remember that cooking school you applied to in Italy? Yeah? No! You got accepted.
No, you can't go to Italy.
You don't have any money.
And you're not giving her any.
We got married.
BOY: Ricky on a stick? Ricky on a stick? Ricky on a stick.
Ricky on a stick.
Ricky on a stick? Rick on a stick? Ricky on a stick? Rick on a stick? Ricky on a stick? Rick on a stick? Ricky on a stick.
I'm so happy for you and Ricky and John! Congratulations, Mrs.
Underwood! Hi, Amy! Congratulations.
I wanted to give you this gift from me.
It's the book on which your vows are based.
Thanks, Grace.
I just thought you should have it, 'cause you know it is the foundation for a good marriage.
Very nice.
Amy! Amy! Wait up! We heard the good news! You got married! Finally, huh? Yeah, finally.
Um, I guess that's for me? Who do you think it's for? Yeah, well, thanks.
That's a very large wedding cake.
My mom insisted on making it, she owns a bakery, you know.
Yeah, I know.
And how sweet of her.
And how sweet of the two of you to bring it in for me.
I really didn't know anything about it.
Hey, how are you? I heard you were in the hospital.
How am I? Who cares how I am? If you had cared how I am, you would have called me to tell me that you got married yourself.
So, I guess Good luck to you.
Have a nice life.
You keep the top layer and then freeze it.
Yeah.
Ben, are you all right? Ricky on a stick? No.
I'm not.
Do you need to talk to Alice? No, I don't need to talk to Alice! He's kind of having an anxiety attack.
But it has nothing to do with you.
Congratulations! Ben! Wait! (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) I heard there's going to be some kind of low class flash mob.
Yeah.
I was hoping to get in on it, but I didn't have time to work on it.
It's pretty intense.
It's pretty pathetic.
MADISON: We're so excited for you! Yeah, and don't worry about us not getting to see you get married, just as long as you're happy.
What are you so dressed up for? And why did you change your hair? Oh.
Um You know what they say, blondes have more fun.
Okay, see you, Amy.
I think she's had enough fun.
Bye! Congratulations! What is going on? Congratulations! We're practically in-laws now, right? Yeah.
I guess we are.
See ya later, sis.
Yeah, see you later, bro.
(GASPS) (PLAYING POP MUSIC) It's a beautiful night We're looking for something dumb to do Hey, baby I think I want to marry you Is it the look in your eyes? Or is it this dancing juice? Who cares, baby I think I want to marry you Well, I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go Go No one will know Know Oh, come on, girl Who cares if we're trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blow Blow Shots of Patron Patron And it's on, girl Don't say no, no No, no, no, no Just say yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah And then we'll go, go Go, go, go If you're ready Like I'm ready 'Cause it's a beautiful night We're looking for something dumb to do Hey, baby I think I want to marry you Is it the look in your eye? Or is it this dancing juice? Who cares, baby I think I want to marry you (CHUCKLES) I'll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like ooh So what you wanna do? Let's just run, girl If we wake up and you want to break up that's cool Cool No, I won't blame you You It was fun, girl Don't say no, no No, no, no, no Just say yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah And we'll go, go Go, go, go If you're ready Like I'm ready 'Cause it's a beautiful night We're looking for something dumb to do Dumb to do Hey, baby I think I want to marry you Is it the look in your eye? Look in your eye Or is it this dancing juice? Dancing juice Who cares, baby I think I want to marry you Just say "I do" Tell me right now, baby Tell me right now, baby Baby Just say "I do" Tell me right now, baby Tell me right now, baby Baby It's a beautiful night We're looking for something dumb to do Hey, baby I think I want to marry you (CHUCKLES) Is it the look in your eye? Look in your eye Or is it this dancing juice? Dancing juice Who cares, baby I think I want to marry you (LAUGHS) (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) Ricky on a stick? See you.
Really.
It's not this big a.
Falling in love is such an easy thing to do Birds can do it We can do it Let's stop talking Let's get to it Good morning.
Come on, tell me.
Tell you I already know.
Know? You're married! Oh.
That.
Yeah.
You big knucklehead! You're supposed to ask the girls to marry you in private and get married in public.
Yeah, well, you're supposed to get married before you have the kid, but we like doing everything backwards.
As long as you're happy.
We're happy.
Congratulations.
Oh, you heard, huh? I heard.
Eloped, huh? If that's what you call it, yeah.
I'll let you two talk.
Your mom sent this.
It's a little gift for you and Amy.
Insurance forms? Amy and John on your insurance with us.
Medical and dental.
Really? Yeah.
That's wife.
And your son.
And I know Amy at the church nursery, but it's not like this insurance.
This'll take care of everything.
Oh.
Yeah.
This is great.
Thanks.
I want to wish you all the best.
That's really nice of you, Leo.
I really appreciate everything you've done for me, the job, the apartment.
You've been to the staff here, and it's nice to see my family's old apartment, nice to see it come back to life.
And here.
Have a little something for you.
I can't take this.
It's for you and Amy, a little something to get you started.
This looks like to get us started.
Leo, this is way too generous.
Just say "thank you.
" Thank you.
It's a rare thing to find loyal, honest young man.
You did a good thing, in marrying Amy.
So, when are classes starting? I've got another couple of days.
And what are you majoring in? Business.
I think.
Sounds good to me.
What are you hoping to do with it? I'm not sure.
I'd love for you to consider a career at this company, my company.
Feel free to get more involved in whatever aspect of the business that interests you.
Maybe you want to get a butcher's license, spend a little time at the offices, maybe you want to check into the international aspect of the business.
What are you interested in? Mostly in not offending anyone in your family.
Like Ben.
Don't worry about it.
He and I have had this conversation a hundred times.
He has other ideas about what he wants to do with his life.
If you want a career here, I'd love to have you.
This is my business, not Ben's.
So, think about it, think about whether or not this is the place for you.
Yes.
You might want to discuss it with your wife.
All right, I'll discuss it with Amy, but she already knows that I would want to be in business with you.
I've told her before, that would be the best thing that could ever happen, if you wanted me to be a part of this business.
Happy to hear it.
Thanks.
So, we'll see you around.
Are you sure about this? You wanted to see me? Hey, nice cake.
Thanks.
You want a piece? Sure.
I thought you and Ricky on the fourth of July.
We were, but then I don't know, we just decided to do something else.
This doesn't affect my going to school here or anything, does it? No, not at all.
It might if you two here, but you're fine.
This is all wonderful news, your getting married.
I mean, why have a big wedding, right? It costs so much money these days.
Mmm.
Good cake.
Oh.
Thanks.
Ben's girlfriend's mom made it.
Which is a little weird if you ask me, but anyway.
The cafeteria lady wouldn't let me leave it in the lunchroom.
So, maybe you could Oh, no.
No, it's too much for my office.
Plus I've got meetings all day.
But, um, look, I wanted to talk to you about something.
This year, I'm asking each of the seniors to mentor a freshman coming into the school.
Oh, that's a great idea.
I'm glad you think so.
I have a really special girl I want you to meet.
She just moved into the neighborhood and she needs a lot of help.
I have a son, you know.
I'm not really up for taking on someone who needs a lot of help, but I think you're for the job.
son Kathy! Hey! Ooh.
Cake! I can't believe you're married.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Well, I am.
Usually guys who knock you up won't marry you, you know.
I know.
I don't like the term "knocked up.
" What's wrong with "knocked up"? It just It has "victim" written all over it.
I think it would be great if women could stop seeing themselves as victims so often and take responsibility and control of their lives.
I am a victim.
Oh, my gosh.
I didn't realize.
What, you were Oh, geez, you were No.
No.
I was talked into having unprotected sex by my nerdy boyfriend who convinced me he had a foolproof scientific birth control method, which depended on him stopping at just the right time.
I knew it didn't sound right.
But you did it anyway.
He was very persuasive.
He made me want to do it, you know what I mean? I'm giving the baby up for adoption.
I already found a family for her.
I don't want my life to be over just because my boyfriend wasn't as smart as I thought he was.
Look, I don't mind talking to you, but I don't want to be like you.
My life isn't over.
I'm finishing up high school, I'm going to college, and And you're 18 and married.
To the guy who knocked you up.
These are your favorite cookies, you know.
If you say so.
I brought them all the way back from Paris.
Just for you.
Well, aren't you nice.
I love Paris.
My husband and I used to go there all the time.
I need to tell you something.
Something I should have told you a long time ago.
Oh, I know.
You've lost your virginity.
You're not fooling anyone, you know.
I know, Mom.
I want to apologize to you for not including you in my wedding.
Oh, that's okay.
You were at mine, though.
What? Oh, nothing.
There's something else I need to tell you.
Amy ran off and married Ricky.
They eloped.
Oh, honey.
Oh, honey, don't cry.
And, Mom, there's something else I need to tell you.
(SNIFFLES) I'm gay.
Of course.
Gay Paris.
Oh, it's such a wonderful city.
The City of Lights, you know.
Yeah, that's the one.
My husband loved Paris.
Did I tell you that? Hey, Mom.
Hey, yourself.
Heard from your bride since she left for school? No.
Why? Ethan planned a big surprise for her in the hallway this morning.
She loves surprises.
Does she? No, not at all.
Well, she's probably gonna love this one.
What is it? Oh, I'll let Amy tell you.
Or show you.
She probably got it all on her phone.
So you have the day off? I have the day off but I'm working tonight at the clinic, you know I do that sometimes.
When's Dad back? On Friday.
And he can't wait to see you.
Why? Why? Because you're married.
You're our married son.
And we're very proud of you.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Is that it? No, that's not it.
I have something for you.
Oh.
No.
Don't give me anything.
You've done enough for me.
And I've got to get over to the campus bookstore.
I want to pick up my books.
I don't want to wait till the last minute.
These were my mother and father's wedding bands.
And I noticed that you and Amy didn't have wedding bands, and I can't take these, Mom.
These have to have a lot of sentimental value.
What if we lost them or something? You're not going to lose your wedding band.
And it would make me feel good to see the two of you wearing my parents' wedding rings.
Uh, but, you know, if you don't want to wear them, that's fine.
Oh, no, no, no.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
That's the last thing in the world I want to do.
You know me.
I just feel guilty taking something from you that's this important to you.
You are far more precious to me than any piece of gold.
And now you're married! No offense, but I am not doing it.
Unless it's a requirement for graduation.
And if it is, I'm getting a lawyer.
I don't think you need a lawyer.
And I doubt that there's anything illegal about this.
It's the new senior program.
Each senior will mentor a freshman.
Not this senior.
Ben, you went to summer school.
You don't have a heavy class load.
You need to get interested in something.
Something other than girlfriends.
I am not the mentor type.
I'm a senior in high school and I'm divorced.
Who needs that kind of mentor? You're also a guy who has learned from his mistakes.
No, I haven't.
What was your first year like here? I bet it wasn't easy.
You can say that again.
Well, that's what this program's about.
To make sure freshmen have an easier time adjusting to high school.
To make sure we see trouble coming and do something about it before it's too late.
You're dreaming! I am not capable of seeing trouble coming.
That's how I keep ending up in trouble.
What do you mean? Are you in some kind of trouble now? No! All right, Ben, this is your senior year.
This should be the best year of high school.
And no matter how bad the other years were, this could be a good year for you.
Or not.
Are you sure you're not in some kind of trouble? No.
No, you're not sure, or no, you're not in any trouble? Both.
And stop fishing for information just because I don't want anything to do with your little mentor program.
Okay, well, why don't you take some time to think about this and we'll talk again next week.
Yes, why don't we? Oh.
Excuse me.
I was just going in there to the counselor's office.
What the hell are you doing here? I'm teaching.
I'm finishing up a requirement for my master's.
What? Yeah.
I'm teaching here this semester.
You have a thing for young girls, don't you? Yeah, I knew it.
You're a pervert.
What are you talking about? Adrian is only 18, you know.
She's almost 19 and I'm 22.
Yeah.
Well, that makes her three years younger than you.
Look, pal, you just stepped over the line.
I'm not some kind of pervert just because I'm dating your ex-wife.
And you better not ever say that within these walls again because that is a very serious accusation.
And I don't like it.
Oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it? Punch me? Go ahead.
I would risk getting arrested as well as lose everything I've worked for at college for the past four years just to punch you? Pervert.
All right, that does it.
I'm going to report you right now.
I have no choice but to report you right now.
I want this on record.
Otherwise your false accusations could come back to haunt me.
I want the authorities called.
Oh.
Oh, no.
No.
No authorities need to be called.
Yeah, they do.
Oh, come on.
I just I momentarily lost my My sanity, you know, thinking about you and Adrian.
You're divorced.
You have another girlfriend now.
Not a good one.
Look, I'm sorry.
I'm an idiot.
I'm a little on edge.
It's the first day of school.
And it's overwhelming.
I take it all back.
All of it.
You can't take it back.
You accused me of being a pervert and I work at the school.
And you should never accuse any teacher of doing something that you know they didn't do, because it makes it all the harder to go after the few teachers who should be taken out of the classroom and put in jail.
What is wrong with me? Hey, Ben.
What is wrong with you? Cake? No, thank you, Amy.
It's very good cake.
Everyone's been enjoying it.
At least a hundred people have told me it's the best wedding cake they've ever had.
Did you have to get married? I mean, really, why now? Was the fourth of July not soon enough? Are you pregnant again? What? Ben! I've lost the edit function.
I can't keep the words in my mouth.
I love you! I've always loved you! Wow.
He accused you of what? I can't believe this.
It's my first day of school.
Yeah, well, unfortunately, we have to report these things.
Unbelievable.
So what happens now? The police come in and question me or something? Oh, no, I don't think so.
It sounds more like a name calling than an actual accusation.
The principal will talk to Ben, and then he'll talk to you, and the principal knows Adrian.
Well, what does that mean? Adrian is a very nice girl.
Absolutely.
What, did she date one of her teachers? Has she ever done anything like that? No.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
There's a lot of that going around today.
I want it on record that I was falsely accused and I haven't done anything.
Okay.
I am a young, black professional, and I'm not going to have my teaching career ruined the first day of school.
I got it.
(SIGHS) Damn.
Hey.
What are we doing? Ben Boykewich just accused some teacher of being a perv.
Oh, and then he proclaimed his love to Amy Juergens.
He's cracking up.
Yeah.
And why is he cracking up? Something is going on, something we don't know about.
I bet Raven knows.
I know she knows.
He is not good for Dylan.
Mmm.
He's not good for anybody.
He's a nut.
Why did they have to ruin our senior year? It's like Invasion of the Skanks.
Just ignore them.
Why do they have to wear those stupid uniforms? I know.
I wish we had uniforms.
Me, too.
And I just feel so poor now that they're here.
I know.
And we're not poor.
And I feel fat.
Me, too.
They just seem so much cooler than us.
Yeah, well, I know, but what are we going to do about it? This.
You are kind.
You are smart.
You are important.
Stop quoting The Help.
Can't.
Doesn't it make you feel so much better? Kind of.
What are you guys doing out here? I saw Ben walk past class and I went to the restroom.
And then I heard him out here accusing some teacher of being a perv.
And I'm telling you, this guy is no perv.
I think I've seen him somewhere.
But, anyway, Ben challenged him to a fight.
A fight? Yeah, and this guy is like this huge good-looking guy.
Wait a minute, it wasn't Omar, was it? Daniel's friend? He's student teaching here.
Oh, yeah, that was him! A perv? Omar is the nicest guy in the world.
His mother is a minister.
Forget Omar.
Tell her the other part, the important part.
What's going on? Tell her.
Tell me what? Ben ran into Amy out here in the hallway with her big cake you got her, and he told her he loved her.
And he always has and he's really upset that she got married.
What? You're dumping him.
He's cracking up and he's dangerous now.
Dangerous how? You two better tell us what's going on.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) JACK: Play 23! Ten-hut! Pappas is pretty good.
I'm just not sure he has any leadership qualities.
I wouldn't write him off.
He's got solid skills.
We got a lot of guys with solid skills.
He did a good job for us.
He's a Christian, you know.
Hot damn! Pappas is our Tebow! Oh, no, he's not a good Christian.
His dad's a minister but I don't think Jack even goes to church anymore.
Get him back in church.
I don't care how you do it.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Uh, could you help me? I need that book on the top shelf and I can't reach it.
Sure.
I'll get it for you.
Hey, Adrian.
Ricky! Hi.
Here.
See you around.
Hope so.
Oh, he's married.
Pay no attention to him.
(CHUCKLES) So I guess you heard.
Yeah.
Good for you and Amy.
I hope you'll be very happy.
I know I wasn't happy when I was married, but hey, I'm not married anymore.
I mean, Ben is a nice guy, he's a really nice guy.
It just You know, it gets old, being with the same person all the time.
What happened to your boyfriend? Oh, he got all upset because I kissed Grace.
But he'll come around, they all do.
I'm happy being with Amy, really happy.
So, let me see your schedule.
Do we have any class together? Mmm, I doubt it.
I'm in the business school.
Still, let me see.
Huh.
Freshman English.
You're kidding.
Oh, loosen up, will you? We're going to be bumping into each other now and then, and I'm not uncomfortable if you're not uncomfortable, and you shouldn't be uncomfortable.
Unless of course you're still thinking about me.
No, I'm not.
Good.
Because I'm not going to be fooling around here like I did in high school.
I've got a goal.
I'm going to graduate with honors and get into law school.
Sounds good.
And what are your plans? Other than being married to Amy and raising John? Any goals? Not really.
Just want to do the best I can.
So that you can end up doing what? I don't know.
Okay, well, just in case your goal is to rise to the top of Boykewich International, which I think you'd be great at, Ben Boykewich is never going to let that happen.
He hates the butcher business, but he hates you more.
See you.
Wait.
Wait.
Ben doesn't hate me, he's my friend.
Why would he hate me? Are you kidding? You just married the woman he loves.
Home sick? Jacob got home sick? Baby.
I think he panicked when it came to registering for school this morning, and he wanted to go home and see his mom and his friends.
So that's that.
I have a feeling he'll be back.
You would know, half-sister, half-brother.
Will you drop that please? I'm not half anything.
Half-Christian, half-not-a-Christian.
(CHUCKLING) That's not funny.
Okay.
Do you mind if I say the blessing before we all just dig in like animals? Who's an animal? I'm fine with that.
Say the blessing.
Oh, come on.
Do we have to? Tom.
Shall we join hands? Sure.
Dear Lord, bless this house and all that are in it and please watch over our half-brother, Jacob, as he travels back to his home.
Amen.
Bless the food to the nourishment of our bodies and let it give us the strength to abstain from sex outside of marriage.
No amen on that one.
Guide us in our daily choices, helping us to choose what is right over what is wrong and giving us the good sense to know the difference.
Are you finished? Please help those children whose parents are still children themselves and watch over all the families, all over the world Would you guys please stop it? That's completely sacrilegious.
You asked to say a blessing.
You didn't say anything about a lecture.
Especially by a half-sister, half-brother.
And I thought my family was nuts.
My other family.
My former family.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING) Well, it's my family now, but Jack's coach is calling me.
I wonder what he wants.
No phone calls during dinner.
Yeah.
Coach? I guess I'm gonna have to work my way up to being a stepfather.
Go with half-father.
Half-father, half-mother.
That's one too many, Tom.
You gotta know when to stop.
I'm a grown man.
Okay.
What is this? Beans and weenies.
Or is it weenies and beans? Mmm.
Beans and weenies.
No offense, but it's revolting.
Mmm.
I like it.
My mom makes this.
When I was a kid, we used to pretend that we were cowboys eating around a campfire and we'd eat it right out of the pan on the stove.
And the person who picked up the square white thing in their spoon got to wear the cowboy hat.
(SCOFFS) That's a hunk of animal fat, you idiot.
Really? 'Cause I just ate it.
And it was delicious.
That's why it was the prize.
This is why I am going to cooking school in Italy.
I was going to talk to you later about it, but you might be sick later.
I got into that cooking school.
We leave Sunday.
What? We leave Sunday.
I can't go to Italy on Sunday.
I have to mow the lawn.
And I don't have any money.
And you can't go either.
Excuse me.
Seconds.
I hate it here.
So why should we stay here if we could be in Italy? Oh, I don't know.
Because this is your family and they love you? Oh, yeah, this is my family who loves me, you and Nora, the three of us eating beans and a hunk of animal fat.
We have to get out of here before our lives are completely ruined like Ricky's.
You knew I couldn't stay here.
Is that why you slept with me? So I'd go on another one of your big adventures? I told you, Ashley, I can't follow you all over the world.
I didn't even know about the school thing when I slept with you the first time.
I don't want to go.
I want to stay here.
I like it here.
Well, I don't.
Ashley, I love you.
And you love me.
Stop running away.
Um, hi, just going to ask this one question.
Ashley, does your dad know you decided to go to this cooking school? He doesn't have any say in it.
(SIGHS) Great.
Now I've got to go home and convince my parents to pay for me to go halfway around the world so I can be with the girl they don't think I'm having sex with.
Unbelievable! There's a second white square! It's my lucky day.
Kind of.
(BABBLING) Did I tell you that Ashley is going to Italy to cooking school? Is that the one with the baby? No, that's Amy.
Amy and Ricky got married.
They eloped.
My daughter eloped too, you know.
I made her feel so bad about that.
I wish I hadn't done that.
My daughter was such a lovely girl.
So lovely and smart.
Do you know my daughter? I'm getting to know her.
WAITER: Your salads will be coming up shortly.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
So, what's the plan, Ben? What do you want to do? The clock is ticking.
There's nothing I can do.
They're married.
Ben, not about Amy and Ricky.
Forget that.
About the other situation.
What do you think I should do? Why would you listen to me now? You never listened to me before.
I told you, you are on your own.
Is that just in regard to the trouble with Dylan or does that include all trouble? All trouble? You're in more trouble than that? I, uh, called one of the teachers a pervert.
Because? It's Adrian's boyfriend, Omar.
Omar is student teaching.
I didn't know.
It took me by surprise.
I misspoke.
You called him a pervert for absolutely no reason? Yeah, and, uh, he reported me.
And now there's going to be some sort of investigation.
What happened to you, Ben? You used to be such a good kid.
And now Now you're a good man, Ben, but you just keep doing stupid, stupid things.
I know.
I'm angry.
I'm really angry and just out of control.
Angry about what? About what happened with you and Adrian, losing the baby? Are you still upset about that? That's always going to hurt, but no.
I'm angry that Ricky stole my life.
Amy should have been mine.
Then none of this would have happened.
(SIGHS) Hello! I'm here and I'm (CLEARS THROAT) Hi.
What is going on? Your friend Omar dropped by.
Just wanted to introduce myself to your parents.
You know, in case we ever decide to go out again or anything.
Oh, really? Sure you just didn't have a bad first day at school and need legal help? We heard all about it.
Did you hear all about it? Ben called me.
We're not going to talk about Ben when we have company over, are we? No, of course not.
Come on.
Sit down.
Let's eat.
Really, Omar, what are you doing here? I don't just drop by your parents' house and have dinner with them.
You can if you want, but I got the impression that you're not interested in getting to know my parents.
I, on the other hand, am interested in getting to know yours.
I told you, I'm focusing on school this year.
Well, if anyone would understand that, that would be me since I'm a teacher.
And by the way, my mom's a Protestant minister and my dad's in law enforcement.
He's a detective.
He traced down your dad for me.
I really like you.
Stop trying to impress them.
It's too late.
(SCOFFS) This is good.
Yeah.
I've eaten so much of it, I feel sick.
I feel sick, too, but not from the cake.
My mother sent insurance forms for us to fill out so the company can put you and John on the insurance.
Hmm.
That's nice.
Yeah, I know.
And then Leo gave us an envelope full of cash and invited me to be a part of the business.
Wait, that's so great.
That's what you've always wanted.
Oh.
Right.
And my mom gave us these.
They belonged to her parents.
Are you going to wear a wedding band? Are you? I guess so.
I've been assigned a freshman girl to mentor.
She's six months pregnant.
And I'm supposed to help her make the right decisions.
Boy.
Are you going to change your name? I don't know how that works.
I mean, everyone is already calling me Mrs.
Underwood.
Oh.
There was a surprise wedding shower for me at the nursery.
There are gifts in the car that I didn't bring in.
I just feel so guilty.
Some of these ladies just work part-time and they bought us gifts.
But I suppose we're keeping the gifts.
I suppose we are.
I don't know, Amy.
Did we do the right thing? It's too late now.
(CHUCKLES) Got the wedding video in the mail.
(BOTH LAUGH) You want to see it? Yeah.
Sure.
PRIEST: Do not move off the marks.
Stay right where you are.
Do not move off that mark.
You're completely surrounded.
It's going to be a beautiful video.
Here we go.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Oh! It's the wrong book! Hold on while I get the right one.
Where did you find this guy? The Internet.
Got it! Got it! Y'all cheer up! Vows are coming.
Did you write your vows? No.
We didn't write anything.
Did you get your flowers? $49.
99.
It will last you a lifetime.
It's okay.
No, you should have flowers.
We'll take the flowers.
Silk.
Oh.
$49.
99.
Pay as you go.
Here.
Whoo-hoo! Yee-haw! Steak night! Oh, I forgot something.
Rose petal scent.
Can we get on with this? Oh, you've got your whole life together.
What's the rush? Slow down.
Okay.
Got it, Dicky? That's Ricky.
Ricky and Amy.
Got it, Dick.
Let's do a little dance.
What? A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer in your pants.
Chuckles the Clown.
Mary Tyler Moore? Oh, forget it.
We got to get the We got to get the mood up.
Get the blood flowing.
You're going to need that on your honeymoon.
I'm gonna play y'all a record that inspired all of this.
Amy.
I know.
This is not what I was expecting.
This wasn't on the Internet? No.
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) The day the squirrel went berserk In the First Self-Righteous Church See them squirrels, that's what I'm talking about! Come on, get with it! (SONG CONTINUES ON STEREO) Hallelujah! I am not dancing.
(PRIEST LAUGHING) (LAUGHS) I feel stupid.
Because this is stupid.
You really want to do this? Let this idiot marry us? Uh (LAUGHING) Well, we'll certainly remember it for the rest of our lives.
You want to remember this? You want this to be our wedding? Not really.
Me neither.
We don't have to do this, we can go somewhere else, this weekend or another weekend.
I know, but I don't know how to get out of this, and we already paid him.
Let's just make a run for it.
You go, I'll stop him if he comes after you.
No, I'm too scared.
He's crazy.
Go! Go! Are you sure? Look at him! He probably doesn't even have a license to marry us.
Run, Amy, run! Thanks! We changed our mind! Oh, wait.
But wait, we're getting to the good part.
Oh.
Ricky, my door is locked.
Sorry, sorry.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I can't believe I didn't open the door for you.
It's okay, it's okay.
- I love you.
- I love you too.