The Upshaws (2021) s05e03 Episode Script

1
[funky instrumental music playing]
Are you sure Dad's still at work?
Did you call all the casinos?
And the hospitals?
And the hospitals at the casinos?
Relax. Your dad texted me.
He and your aunt are working late.
And you believe that?
I believe I can say that, and you can't.
Besides, your daddy sent a picture.
I know your father. [chuckles]
Do you though?
Maybe you should wait until morning
to tell him about me and Tristan.
He's gonna be tired.
I want him in the right headspace.
Baby, would you relax, all right?
This is not my first time
breaking news to your dad.
Oh, right. Bernard.
Can we at least put on a little lipstick?
It never hurts.
Good night.
Nobody need no damn lip
Ooh! Oh. Oh.
I could use a pop of color.
[door opens]
- Hey. Hmm, mm. There you are.
- [groans tiredly]
- Oh shit.
- [Regina chuckling]
Are we home already? I'm so tired
[door closes]
I don't even remember driving here.
'Cause I drove, you stupid
You know what you are.
You should You know what you look like.
I'm going to bed.
It's exhausting
wrangling a jackass all day.
[Bennie] Hmm.
Baby.
Look at my hard-working man.
You want something to eat?
Yeah, you might have to chew it for me.
Well, we had your favorite,
breakfast for dinner.
Pancakes, scrambled eggs,
grits, Aaliyah's got a boyfriend,
bacon, sausage.
Can you put it all in between a pancake
and make me a sandwich?
All of it?
I don't think you heard everything I said.
I did.
And you're good
with Aaliyah having a boyfriend?
I don't care who brings my plate up.
Just let me go lay down.
Aaliyah's got a boyfriend?
[vocalizing]
Solid as a rock ♪
[vocalizing]
Solid, solid, solid, solid ♪
Aaliyah!
Hurry up, baby.
I wanna see you before you go.
Mom, no pressure,
but how's my costume coming
for the school play?
I told you, I cannot create a costume
without knowing who you're playing.
Someone from Black history.
Well, you're halfway there.
Come back when you got a name.
[Regina gasps] Oh! Oh, you look so cute.
Oh, come on, Upshaw Thunder,
you look so cute.
[laughing excitedly]
Thanks for lending me your earrings.
Of course, baby. It's your first date.
- What are you talking about? We hang out
- It's your first date.
- [admonishing chuckle]
- Right. Right.
Big day for me.
- Whoo!
- [chuckles]
[doorbell rings]
Oh man. I told him to text me
so I can meet him at the curb.
At the curb?
We don't do that. Open the door.
Bennie, he's here!
Look who I just met.
Come on, so I can see you in the light.
Um so this is my mom.
You've clearly met my dad.
That's everybody. We gotta go.
Oh, would you wait a minute?
Come on, Tristan and I
haven't had a chance to kiki.
Yeah, Aaliyah.
- Let me and your mom do a kiki.
- [Regina chuckles]
What's a kiki?
How am I supposed to know?
We the same age.
Oh! Is this him?
Okay. I'm Aunt Lucretia.
Ms. Turner to you.
It's nice to meet you, Ms. Turner.
[Lucretia] Mm-hmm.
Don't get used to seeing me.
My living here
is only a temporary situation.
Until there's a full moon,
and then she goes out hunting.
[howling]
[Tristan laughs]
Yo, Aaliyah told me you were funny,
Mr. Upshaw.
She told you right. [chuckles]
Oh, did she?
Uh-huh, I guess somebody
doesn't want my money when I'm gone.
Money? You broke as MC Hammer.
This too shall pass.
Just wish you'd step
on the gas a little, Lord.
Hi, I'm Maya.
I like your hair.
Are they gonna grow up to be dreads?
Um only if they eat their vegetables.
Don't do that.
I'm in third grade.
Now that you know us,
it's your turn.
Everybody, sit down.
Um, well,
I I'm a junior.
- I work part-time.
- [Regina] Mm.
And after I graduate,
I'm hoping to get into SCAD.
SCAD? What kind of drug is that?
No, baby. [chuckles]
SCAD. That's an art school.
Come on, you know that.
You know damn well he don't know that.
Tristan's an amazing artist.
You should really see his stuff.
Some other time. We gotta go.
Oh, oh. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Art? Hold up, now.
What's your tag?
Oh, no, sir. I I mostly focus on anime.
Anna-Mae that live up on 21st?
You been spray-painting Anna-Mae's house?
All right. Eh-eh-eh-mm.
Let me get a picture of y'all
before you go.
What you doing? This ain't prom.
Aaliyah, let your mama have a picture.
As a matter of fact,
let me go get a selfie
in front of this boy's license plate.
I'll just send you one.
Yeah. Just make sure
that big-ass Mickey Mouse bow stay tied.
Come on, Tristan.
It was nice meeting y'all.
Y'all cute.
I don't like that little dude.
Of course you don't like him.
He's everything you're not.
Hard-working, ambitious,
life behind his eyes.
[Bennie] Y'all bought that shit?
Him in here acting all nice.
"Yeah, I go to SCAD, and I paint."
He seemed nice.
Please. I ran that same play
on your parents when I first met 'em.
- Hmm. I remember that night.
- [suspenseful music playing]
[cheerful humming in distance]
Mom, how come
I don't smell any mac and cheese?
Well, Regina
because I didn't make any.
I only get one more bread this week,
and I'm using it on these biscuits.
I don't wanna hear any flipping noise
about this baked chicken.
Damn, Estelle.
Just 'cause you on the Watchers
don't mean everybody wanna be.
I've been watching your weight
for 20 years.
When's it gonna do something?
Keep mocking my journey, Earl.
I'll kick you to the curb,
get me a Wesley Snipes up in here.
[chuckling]
See your mama, Regina?
I took her to see Mo' Better Blues.
Everybody was looking at Denzel.
She's sitting up there
looking at Sweaty Snipes.
I got two eyes, Earl.
When is that knucklehead coming?
We're not gonna wait for him to eat.
I know I'm not.
Could y'all please just be chill?
Don't embarrass me.
That little boy's
supposed to be suppressing us.
Daddy, it's "impress."
Oh, I know what it is.
We don't give a damn
about this little boy.
[doorbell rings]
Okay, that's Bennie. Just please be nice.
No. [hesitating]
No, you be nice. Stay back.
- Mr. Turner!
- Hey.
I'm Bennie Upshaw.
Uh, this is for you.
Oh, you got me a little Hennessy, huh?
Oh damn.
Why is it half empty?
Oh, I'm not old enough to drink.
I borrowed it from my parents.
No, you stole this. [chuckles]
But your parents won't be getting it back.
Come on in, Bennie. Yeah.
- Hi, Regina.
- Hey.
So pretty. Thank you.
Now, I thought you said
your sister was at college.
This pretty young thing
can't be your mother.
Ooh-hoo-hoo! Somebody's charming.
Okay, young man. Come on,
have a seat right here.
You know,
that Pacer and that Bull game is on.
Estelle, uh, get the TV trays out.
[muttering]
[groans]
We gonna eat my food at my table.
Now, just put it in the foil,
and then we gonna eat it at halftime.
I'm in.
- Yeah, man.
- [TV turns on]
Everybody like Michael Jordan,
but, uh, Reggie Miller's my guy.
Yeah, yeah.
But he won't get his teeth fixed.
I know. He's got money.
What's he waiting on?
I don't know.
I'm talking 'bout the man's mouth
look like general admission.
Teeth sitting everywhere.
Regina told me you were funny, Mr. Turner.
Oh yeah? [chuckles]
Aaliyah's little boyfriend charmed you
just like I charmed them.
He's shady, and I'm gonna prove it.
Oh, Bennie, leave the little boy alone.
Hmm. Hang on, Regina.
He he might sense something.
Maybe the boy's shitty
on a level that only dogs can hear.
Thank you. You feel me?
If my kid's gonna be dating somebody,
I need to know everything about him.
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey. We're headed out.
Bye, Kelvin.
Bye, Atlanta.
[instrumental music playing]
Mommy, Auntie, can you help me
practice my lines for the school play?
Oh, you finally got a script.
What's it about?
Everyone gets to play
a famous person in Black history.
Ooh, I love that. Who'd you get?
- Rosa Parks.
- Ah yeah! Mm-hmm!
That's 'cause my baby's a star.
They don't let just anybody play
the mother of the civil rights movement.
I know, 'cause Xavier
asked us if he can play her,
and Miss Wilson told him
Indiana was way too red for his truth.
Well, alrighty.
Let's hear it.
[Maya clears throat]
My name is Rosa Parks, and I didn't move.
Are you waiting for me to do it again?
Uh
we're waiting for you
to do the rest of it.
- That's all I say.
- [Regina] What?
[chuckling] Baby, that can't be right.
Uh, okay, does Rosa maybe,
like, ride the bus till intermission,
and then come back
with a fierce monologue?
No.
Let me see it.
- Heh! That's really all they gave her.
- [refrigerator opens]
Told ya.
And I'm not gonna beg for it,
but would a "Good job, Maya" kill you?
Look at this. Every single one of 'em.
"I'm Madam C.J. Walker."
"I was portrayed by an actress
from the movie The Help."
Gina, these mother
Girl, these crack
Hey! Stop it.
Um baby, go go on upstairs
before your aunt busts a vein.
Not without my applause.
Get your butt upstairs.
Regina, what the hell is this?
Look.
"I'm George Washington Carver."
"I'm nuts for nuts"?
This shit is ridiculous.
Yeah, not to mention
botanically incorrect.
Everybody knows peanuts are legumes.
There's a lot they're not mentioning.
Like, like, where's the suffering?
Where's the injustice?
[mutters angrily]
This shit ain't about us.
All right, hold on.
They can't all be like that.
Oh, hell no.
"I'm Ruby Bridges,
and I went to a new school."
That made it sound like she moved.
See?
This is that anti-woke,
can't make white kids sad,
pretend it never happened bullshit
they're pushing all over the country.
You know what?
I'm going down to that school,
and I'm gonna set
this Miss Wilson straight.
Wait. Hang on. All right?
Now, this is my kid,
so if anybody's gonna have a "talk talk"
with this teacher, it's me.
Then, in the only words
that she wrote for Harriet Tubman,
keep up.
I said keep up!
You can't just pop up
at a school, you nut.
I'm in the appointment portal.
You wanna holler at her at 12:00 or 3:00?
3:00.
I'll skip lunch
so I'll be good and hangry.
[instrumental music playing]
Hey, Tony.
You find anything in Tristan's car yet?
Just this sketchbook.
Man, this boy can draw his ass off.
You wrong for having Tony
go through that kid's car.
You did good with Aaliyah.
You should trust her.
Davis, you don't get an opinion on kids.
Your sperm don't even work.
Man, I told you that in confidence!
I grew up near a power line.
Well, as a mother,
I believe kids should be raised
in an environment of trust.
I hate new parents.
I hired you to do some electrical stuff.
Go plug something into something.
Aww, someone's been watching me work!
Ain't nobody been watching.
Mr. Upshaw, I appreciate
the free oil change,
but, like, it's been two hours.
My shift starts soon.
All right. Come on, let's check it out.
Hey, Tony.
- What we got?
- [Tony] I don't know, man.
I'm running out of stuff
to take out of this thin
Hey.
Uh
The, uh
Yeah, the oil looks clean to me.
Is that my stereo?
Are those my tires?
Is this my car?
[hesitating] Aight, man.
Let me level up with you, okay?
Man to man.
Know where I can get a little weed?
Where's your stash?
I don't smoke weed, sir.
Okay, you Do you want a drink?
They got a gentlemen's club
down by the airport.
Do you know it?
Okay, you know what?
I'm I'mma just Uber to work.
That's not a no.
Sir,
no disrespect, but [sighs]
look, I really like Aaliyah.
And she likes me.
I'm a good guy.
So maybe,
instead of looking for what's wrong,
you can just just give me a chance.
[sighs]
Them jaws were real tight
over their little oil change.
Must be getting too close. Hmm.
[instrumental music playing]
Cretia, let me do the talking.
I'm better at talking to
[whispers]white people.
Why are you whispering?
You do know we're free, right?
Not according to this play.
So let's go holler at Miss Wilson.
Old lowdown, history-erasing piece of
Sis?
What in the self-hating,
Candace Owens bullshit is this?
You two look angry.
Are you here about the E. coli scare,
or the play?
Uh, the play,
but I'mma need to circle back
'cause my kid eats here.
I know your little play made me sick.
All right, I'm Regina Upshaw,
Maya's mother,
and this is her aunt, Lucretia.
Yeah, we're a little concerned.
Nice to meet you both,
and as I told the other concerned parents,
this is the best I can do.
We're living in a time
where they're banning books.
They don't want us
teaching Black history at all.
You aren't teaching it at all.
That's because
the school board has gone crazy.
That's why I put my kids
in private school.
On a teacher's salary?
Why are you in my pockets?
Look, I had to fight just to get this,
and hopefully these kids
will look these people up.
But in the meantime,
maybe you can teach 'em at home.
Oh, so now you want me to do your job?
Okay.
I got an idea.
Why don't we just pull Maya out this play?
No, we can't do that. She's excited.
She's been working really hard
on her little sentence.
Okay, look,
I'll see what changes I can make.
But I got New Edition tickets tonight,
and they say Bobby is coming.
They always say Bobby's coming.
Thank you.
Anything you can do, we appreciate.
You're welcome. Oh, wait!
While you're here, would either of you
like to buy some candy?
My kid's school is going to
the Civil Rights Museum in Memphis.
It's white chocolate.
Life ain't right.
[instrumental music playing]
Why are you mad?
You want a southwest egg roll?
Tristan just called.
You really went to Chili's?
I went to three of 'em.
But I found him.
You need to leave him alone.
What is your problem?
Aaliyah, I need to know
all about who you dating. I'm your father.
I'm not gonna let you just do whatever.
Hey, Aaliyah. Hey, Mr. Upshaw.
What's up, Pops? Me and Savannah
finna watch a movie in the basement.
Aight. Shut that door.
I don't wanna hear all that noise.
Seriously?
Seriously. That shit's annoying.
Anyway, I'm looking out for you.
Look out for me?
Thanks to you, Tristan doesn't wanna
come over here anymore.
Aaliyah, you don't get it. [sighs]
I know how boys are.
Tristan seems all nice,
but trust, you haven't seen the real him.
Yes, I have. You just don't like him
because he's nothing like you,
and that's why I like him.
Damn!
[instrumental music playing]
[groans sleepily]
All right. I know that look. What's wrong?
It's Tristan.
[gasps]
Shit, what you find on him?
Nothing.
That's the problem.
I'm going to sleep.
I mean, the boy is nothing like me.
Ain't girls supposed to like guys
that's kind of like their dad?
So let me get this straight.
You keeping me up
'cause Aaliyah doesn't have daddy issues?
Yeah, call me when she doesn't do drugs.
You don't get it.
I'm supposed to be a model. An example.
What does that say about me?
[confused chuckle] Nothing.
Oh, baby,
you are a great father.
Aaliyah likes Tristan
because Aaliyah likes Tristan.
I finna go wake her up
and tell her she can't.
[Regina chuckles]
Yeah, yeah, that'll work.
Baby, you cannot force them apart.
That'll just bring 'em closer together.
Like us.
What you talking about?
It took your parents months
to start hating me.
I blame Bernard.
Heh! Man, please.
They hated
your wannabe-slick ass from jump.
My parents saw
right through your little act.
Nice to meet you.
Bye.
- Nope. No. Uh-uh. No! Nah!
- Nope. Mm-mm. No, ma'am.
- I hate him.
- I hate him.
Hate?
Let me put it this way.
Lucretia was the one
who liked you the most.
- Oh damn.
- [chuckles]
[sighs] Baby,
Tristan is who Aaliyah likes right now.
That might change, but for now,
you need to get on board.
And put the boy's car back together.
I can try,
but I think I might've used
the boy's pieces in some other cars.
[instrumental music playing]
- What about this?
- Yeah, yeah.
Excuse me, sir, can you please
There's four of us.
Yep.
Man, I hate
these little hard-ass school chairs.
Don't worry. It's a short play.
I just hope
Maya can remember all her line.
As soon as she says it, we out.
I'm not sitting around
for this happy-clappy,
struggle-free bullshit.
Why doesn't Kelvin have to be here?
I don't know.
I don't know where he's at.
- Now shush and support your sister.
- [clapping]
Look. They even got them
entering from the right wing.
Parents, students, and faculty,
the third grade class proudly presents
a snapshot from Black history.
Snapshot is right.
Don't blink.
[Regina] Mm-hmm.
She lost me at "proudly."
I'm Martin Luther King Jr.,
and I had a dream.
All right, maybe Miss Wilson
did some improvements.
It used to say,
"And I have a lot of streets
named after me."
But it's still not clear.
Half a weed gummy,
and I dream a lot of shit too.
Look, the man had a ministry.
He had a purpose. He
Hey, hey, Lucretia, hush, all right?
Maya's up. We'll be out in a minute.
Hi, I'm Rosa Parks, and I didn't move.
Hey, folks,
there's more seats in the back.
What kind of tweak is that?
You sit there, baby.
Enabler.
This is killing my soul.
Hi, I'm Harriet Tubman.
Everyone, grab your freedom buddy.
Freedom buddy?
Nope, that's it.
My name is Malcolm X.
Wakanda forever.
Really, Miss Wilson?
Oh, that ain't on me. That boy went rogue.
Oh snap! I'm recording this.
How how can y'all just sit there?
This isn't Black history.
These are Black Snapple facts.
Give me that bus pass.
I'm Rosa Parks.
Jim Crow laws forced me
to sit in the back of the bus.
One day, I sat in the front
and refused to give up my seat
to a white man.
They threw me in jail.
That started the bus boycott. Google it.
[audience applauds]
Really? I was playing it all wrong.
Hand over that lantern, Harriet.
Don't make me chase you.
I'm Harriet Tubman.
I'm an abolitionist who escaped slavery.
I went back and helped
other enslaved people to freedom
through the Underground Railroad.
Like a subway?
No. On foot.
And they set dogs on me.
[mouthing]
Google it.
Oh no. You not gonna get me fired.
- Ow!
- [Lucretia] Boy, it's just tape.
I am Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
I did more than dream.
I led marches and boycotts
for civil rights.
I did it non-violently,
and I was killed for it.
That last part seems important.
Ya think?
Google it.
And speaking of people
who were killed for what they believed in
Gimme those glasses, Malcolm.
These are my real glasses.
Come up off that bow tie.
Cretia, here come the man.
- Uh-oh.
- [Bennie] Resist!
Make 'em work for it.
Looks like I'm about to be Rodney King.
Google it.
Enslaved Africans were here
before the Mayflower.
Google it.
[instrumental music playing]
[Lucretia] Looks like I'm about
to be Rodney King. Google it.
Dang, Auntie, you going viral.
I should've went up there.
I know Black stuff.
[message notification chimes]
We're good. My dad's not home.
Oh, cool.
You ready?
Yeah, just let me grab my purse
and we can hit mini golf.
Cool. Hope you didn't
wanna listen to music.
Your dad didn't put my stereo back in.
Thank you for still dating me.
I'm gonna say something on Yelp.
Yeah, don't do that.
[door opens]
Oh, hello, Mr. Upshaw.
Um let me save you some trouble.
Uh, all I've got are my keys,
my my phone, and my wallet.
No drugs, no nothing.
Relax, Tristan.
Come on and have a seat, son.
What you and Aaliyah up to tonight?
Just a little putt-putt.
That better not be code for something.
Oh, no, sir. It's just mini golf.
How's the car driving?
Everything but the music is great.
Getting a lot of thinking done.
Yeah, well, while you thinking,
make sure you keep your eyes on the road.
Don't be driving like no maniac.
You got my daughter in the car.
Oh, right. Don't worry, sir.
It it's a Kia.
You know, I'm not Speed Racer.
Yeah.
Boy, what you know about Speed Racer?
Everything.
That's what got me into anime.
That's what anime is?
Man, we called that shit a cartoon.
I love me some Pops Racer.
[chuckles] Man, I mean, Racer X is my guy.
[Aaliyah] Okay, let's go.
Oh dear God.
No, they seem cool. Let it simmer.
Remember when Speed finally found out
Racer X was his brother?
Yeah, and he was holding his mask
looking out like
- Right. He's like, "Rex, come back."
- "What's up, nigga?"
[Tristan laughs]
I don't know what's happening right now,
but I do not like it.
At all.
Hey, y'all seen this? I'm going viral.
They want me on the Sherri Shepherd Show.
[knocking on door]
Tristan?
Dad?
I thought
your mom and I told you not to come here.
[theme music playing]
[music fades out]