This is Us (2016) s05e03 Episode Script

1 Previously on This Is Us I just got six messages from the adoption agency.
We have a match.
I free you from your "Jerry Maguire at the U-Haul", what-if marriage proposal that you made.
Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna take it back.
Your life has really been defined by your mothers.
William told me everything he knew about my birth mother.
I'll never know much about her.
There are things, Dr.
Leigh, that I don't feel comfortable talking to you about.
I'm gonna make a change, and find a Black therapist.
(BIRDS CHIRPING) (HAI LAUGHING) (BOTH SPEAK VIETNAMESE) Oh! (MUTED LIVELY CHATTER) DR.
GRADER: Three pounds heavier.
Hey, hey, you hear that, kid? Three pounds heavier than last year.
He's still only in the 30th percentile.
What's that supposed to mean? It means you've got a long way to go to be average.
Randall, just try to be supportive, okay? Your brother's playing football this year.
He's gonna need the extra weight.
Kev's going out for quarterback.
Well, you boys are definitely at the age where your bodies will start changing.
Growth spurts.
Added muscle.
Facial hair.
Geez, Doc, would it kill you to have a Consumer Reports lying around? (JACK SCOFFS) KATE: What is taking them so long? Stewart and Tonya will be at the house in an hour.
Stewart? I thought you weren't talking to Stewart after the big breakup.
He chose to be in my group project.
Oh.
He chose you.
- Interesting.
Mm.
- (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) - Oh.
- RANDALL: What happened - to the candies? - What are you, six years old, nerd? At least I'm not built like a six-year-old, dumb-ass.
KATE: No, you guys just act like a bunch of six-year-olds.
- BOTH: Ha-ha-ha! Ha! - Dad! - Guys.
Both of you.
- Come on, let's go to the car.
Shotgun! Thanks.
Not often do I send parents off with three teens the exact same age going through puberty at the exact same time.
I'm not a religious man, but I'll pray for you.
- Good luck.
- REBECCA: Mm-hmm.
JACK: Hmm.
- (WHISPERS): Yeah.
- Mm.
DR.
WILTON: I don't think of myself as a therapist who works alone, I think of this as a collaboration, like two songwriters.
We will find your positive rhythms while minimizing any negative beats.
- Uh-huh.
- Feel what I'm saying? Okay.
DR.
HALMA: I'm a proponent of CBT and CPT.
CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and CPT is Cognitive Processing Therapy.
I'm sorry, are you frozen? No.
No, I am not.
That said, this isn't about me.
You're gonna have to put in the work.
I'm just here to help you find a deeper understanding of yourself - (CHILD LAUGHS) - and the loved ones around you.
I am so sorry.
(CHUCKLES) My wife had to run out.
Downside of working from home, right? That's okay, man.
Go ahead.
Can you say hi? (WHISPERS): Hi.
APRIL: Hi.
Oh, wow.
I got three of those.
(CHUCKLES): Uh, this is my daughter, April.
April, this is I can't tell you his name because of doctor-patient privilege.
Excuse me.
- Potential patient.
- (LAUGHS) I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I put my foot up in these pancakes.
Who wants some? - Please.
- Oh, yes.
Thanks, Mom.
- Put my foot in these pancakes - We heard.
Yeah, I'm good with cereal.
All right, well, y'all eat up, then.
I don't want you late for online school, okay? That's just a bad look.
Made 'em from scratch.
Yeah, a lot of love went into them - is all I'm saying.
- Oh, my God.
Fine.
Okay.
- RANDALL: Morning.
- Morning, Dad.
How is everybody? There's a lot of teen attitude this morning.
Yeah, one day you hung the moon, the next you're famine, war and pestilence.
Hey, um I think I found my guy, - to replace Dr.
Leigh.
- Oh, wow.
That's great.
So, did you talk about family stuff, or? Just generally.
We, uh, we talked about transracial identity.
I'm having a longer Zoom session with him today.
But, uh, he checks all the boxes, Beth.
He's cool, smart, funny, Black, a young father.
We got a lot in common.
- Young father? - Hey, watch your mouth now.
- Mm, mm.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey.
You barely touched the pancakes.
You refuse to use cage-free eggs.
- RANDALL: Tess, you need to eat.
- I had some yogurt.
I'm good.
(SIGHS) Ugh.
That girl is killing me three times a day.
RANDALL: Mm.
Mmm.
Damn, Beth, you put your foot up in these pancakes.
Thank God for you, baby.
- Mm.
Thank God for you.
- Mwah.
Thank God for these pancakes.
(SOFT, ELECTRONIC CHIMING) Hey.
(DOOR CLOSES) Geez, how many workouts are you up to a day now? Two.
Maybe two and a half.
Why? - Curious.
Me learning about you.
- Ah, yes.
You know, I feel like lately the half sessions are just me burning through crap I got going on with my brother, you know? Not sure those are the muscles you work on for that, but I am not a professional.
Who brought those? Those are balloons from your mom and Miguel.
I thought you told 'em we're not doing engaged engaged.
No, I did.
I did.
I told 'em the whole thing.
But, you know, they're old.
So Anyway, are you, um What are we doing? (CHUCKLES) We are doing a nontraditional engagement, where the woman gets pregnant first and then the man moves in with her because of a global pandemic.
Mm.
That's right.
Now it's Now I remember.
You know, they really got to start making Hallmark cards for people like us.
You know? (CHUCKLES) A-And you're-you're good with with where we are? Yeah.
- You? - Uh, yeah.
Yes.
Don't worry.
These are gluten-free and low-cal.
- But no shirt, no service.
- I'm on it.
(PHONE CHIMES) What's going on here? (GRUNTS) Oh, wow.
What? Uh I think I just got the part.
I mean, pending a-a good meeting with the director, I-I got the part.
(CHUCKLES) The legal movie? The lawyer with the glass eye? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
No, it's not The-the title of the movie is Glass Eye.
He's got two eyes just like mine, made out of - uh - (CHUCKLES): I don't know what eyes are made out of.
- But congratulations.
- This is Thank you.
Yeah, this is great.
Um Although I probably should, uh, stick to, like, just straight-up lean chicken breast and water from here on out.
I got to have my shirt off in the movie for a couple of scenes, love scenes.
So I'm going straight-up Gosling for this or Pitt in Fight Club or something.
- I don't know.
I'm not - (PHONE RINGING) This is my agent.
Sorry, I have to take this.
Um, I'm sorry about this.
I'm-I'm gonna cook you dinner, okay? I'll make dinner? Okay? I'm nervous.
Yeah, I'm nervous, too.
But I'm nervous and I'm excited.
- What is that, like, nerve-cited? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Remember, we're just meeting a potential birth mother.
- Right.
- All right? We're gonna get to know her.
She's gonna get to know us.
No expectations.
Right? Now, am I looking for her and her daughter or just Ellie? No, just Ellie.
Someone's watching her daughter.
Whose name is Willow, by the way.
And she's eight years old, just as a reminder.
(GASPS) Babe.
Oh, my gosh.
Which mask should I wear? - You brought options? - Yes.
- Uh-huh.
- This one.
- And - (INHALES) Yeah.
Ugh.
Flowers.
- What? - Definitely the flowers.
- Really? - Yeah.
I thought you would love this one.
I love it.
Wrong vibe.
Okay.
All right.
Okay, kiss me.
Okay.
All right.
Okay, uh Gosh, Tobe, I want this so bad.
- (EXHALES) - I know.
Now, are we in San Pee-dro or San Pay-dro? I-I don't want to come off looking like a rube.
- I think it's Pay-dro.
Yeah.
- Pay-dro.
- Pay-dro.
San Pay-dro.
- Pay-dro.
Yeah.
- San Pay-dro.
- ELLIE: Kate and Toby? - Hi.
(CHUCKLES) - KATE: (GASPS) Hi! - Hi, I'm-I'm Ellie.
- TOBY: Hi! Hi.
(CHUCKLES) KATE: How nice to meet you.
ELLIE: Yeah.
Welcome to San Pee-dro.
TOBY (QUIETLY): Pee-dro.
Damn it.
- KATE: 'Kay.
- Ha-ha! - That is an amazing mask.
(CHUCKLES) - TOBY: Oh.
(GROWLS PLAYFULLY) Stewart chose to be in your project for a reason, Kate.
He clearly still likes you.
You think so? I have got snacks.
Nothing healthy.
Only the fun stuff, - including Funyuns.
- Mom.
Bagel Bites.
Stewart loves Bagel Bites.
Oh.
How could I forget? - Thanks, Mom.
- Yeah.
Hi, Randall.
- Hey.
- We're building a desert biome.
Want to see? No, I made that in third grade.
(DOORBELL RINGS) Got it! Hi.
I brought Play-Doh for the cacti and aquarium sand - for the desert floor.
- Great.
Come on in.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) KATE: By the way, - I love your mask.
- Oh.
Um, my family's from Pittsburgh.
We are diehard Steelers fans.
I know.
I saw it in your profile.
I wore it as an homage.
My dad is from Johnstown.
- Really? - Yeah.
But don't tell me that you actually named your daughter Willow - after - Willow Rosenberg.
Yes.
- No way.
- Yes.
Oh, I'm a huge Buffy fan.
- Huge.
Yes.
- What? - Okay.
All right.
- (LAUGHS) So can we adopt you? Can we, Tobe? Can we? - You know? - I'm free.
Is that crazy? Okay, it's crazy.
All right No, it's not, I just think we might have strayed from the topic here.
Yes, sorry, sorry.
Having too much fun, okay.
Okay, so, um, why am I placing this child for adoption? I married my high school sweetheart, Willow's father, and I lost him to cancer.
Oh.
And it was awful beyond awful, so I don't want to dwell on it, except to say that it took me a few years to even think about another man, let alone go out with one, in the middle of raising my daughter by myself.
But all of my girlfriends said that it was time for me to get back out there.
So I went on Match and I met up with this handsome stranger and there were drinks, a lot of drinks, and I ended up in his bed about five hours after learning his name.
You must think I'm so messed up.
Not at all.
Trust me, I have thought about this.
I have thought about this more than I have ever thought about anything else in my whole life.
And this baby will do better if she is raised elsewhere.
With parents who really want her.
(LAUGHS): And it'll make me feel like I'm doing something right.
- (PHONE PLAYS "GHOSTBUSTERS") - Oh.
I am so sorry.
That is my friend.
She's watching Willow today, so just one sec.
Sorry.
Ghostbusters! (WHISPERING): When there's something strange in the neighborhood.
- She has "Ghostbusters".
What? - I know.
It's like it's like she's combed through our social media or something.
It's validating that she has exquisite taste in pop culture, - but we should exercise caution.
- I am so sorry.
- No, it's okay.
- My child is having a meltdown, so, uh, I may have to wind this up - just a little sooner than I wanted.
- KATE: Oh, no.
Like, got to call a Lyft in, like, 15.
- Oh.
All right, well - I mean, we could take you, - if you want, right, Tobe? - Oh, no, you don't need to do that.
No, it's fine.
Like - Okay, all right, then.
Well, that buys us more time.
- Let's roll.
VANCE: So, how have things been since we spoke? All good, thanks.
I, uh I like that painting behind you.
Don't tell me.
Uh, Kadir Nelson? Yes.
You collect him? Uh, well, no.
Um, I mean, I've seen his stuff before.
My wife's the one who turned me on to him.
(CLEARS THROAT) She's a big fan.
Beth's her name my wife.
She's Black.
Just so you know, I'm married to a Black woman, so, you know Randall, you know you have absolutely nothing to prove to me, right? Uh (LAUGHS) I'm a little nervous.
I know I told you this morning what brought me here, and I just This is important to me.
- I want to do this right.
- I hear you.
But this is a process.
And keep in mind, not all the work is done here in this room.
You seem like a guy who likes homework, so, here's your first assignment.
Tonight, I want you to write down a story from your childhood just one story.
Something that you think might tell me something about you.
Uh, grab a notebook and keep it handy when it comes to you.
Just something you'd like me to know.
Okay.
- Um - (PHONE CHIMES) Sorry.
Let me shut this down.
Whew! - All right, I'm all yours.
- (CLAPS HANDS) Yeah, you've probably never heard of the director before.
His name is Jordan Martin Foster.
He won the Jury Prize at Cannes.
Are you okay? Yeah, fine.
Just so you know: sex scenes couldn't be less sexy.
Okay? And I'm not even kidding.
I mean, you got crew members standing around all over the place.
Plus, with COVID now, I don't even know if we'll be in the same studio.
For all I know, I'll be in Burbank somewhere, she'll be in Culver City, and they'll just throw us together in post.
You got nothing to worry about.
I'm not worried about it.
Let's go back.
- My feet hurt.
- I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry.
I just wanted to say I am a big fan.
- Oh, thank you.
- Um, Julia.
- Hi.
- Could I get a picture? Okay.
Oh.
Wow.
Congratulations.
How many weeks do you have to go? - Um, just a few months.
- Oh, lucky girl.
You just have the cute little basketball belly.
Me? My son's a year old, I'm still running it off.
Uh let's get that socially-distanced selfie, right? - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- (JULIA LAUGHS, PHONE CLICKS) - There you go.
All right.
- Thanks.
- It's a good one.
Thank you.
Madison! Hey, hey.
Madison? Listen, if you're upset with me - I'm not.
- Okay, listen, you can come to the filming of the love scene if that's really - what's bothering you.
- I am not upset about the love scene.
It seems like you're upset about the love scene.
I'm not upset about the love scene! I'm upset about the pancakes.
I'm upset that she can tell I'm pregnant.
Okay, I'm-I'm upset about a whole bunch of stuff I'm not comfortable sharing with you because we're basically strangers.
(SIGHS SOFTLY) Don't follow me.
I'm walking back to the house.
Go a different way.
I'm so sorry.
Could I get another? I-I blinked.
What? (BIRD SQUAWKING) The oil's boiling.
You said we only have to speak Vietnamese when we are fishing.
You always get the last word in every language.
Everything takes so long.
Fishing the fish, cooking the fish.
Let's play Go Fish.
You need to learn patience, Linh.
Preparing a meal is the way to show someone you love them.
I learned to cook because I want to impress someone very special to me.
Who? So many questions in such a little body.
Sit.
I will not tell you who I cook for, but I will show you how I cook for her.
Her! It's a girl.
Sit.
BOY (ON TV): Hey, - what you doing? - MAN: Oh, just straightening up a bit.
BOY: Yeah, well, we don't go in for that sort of stuff around here.
Huh.
So, you, uh, didn't find anything, did you? - Such as? - Nothing.
I mean, - I just lost Inky's ball.
- Inky? I love Mr.
Belvedere.
Although I'm more of a Who's the Boss? girl.
I bet you're the Brainiac that doesn't need to do homework.
You just watch TV all day and get all As.
I have a routine.
Snack, watch Mr.
Bel, and then do my homework.
I'm in the middle of my routine right now.
- (DOOR OPENS) - JACK: Hey, everybody.
REBECCA: Hey.
How was football? - Fine.
- Fine? Coach said we've got another Terry Bradshaw right here.
Minus the hair loss.
- Yeah, of course.
- Obviously, Kevin.
Hey, you know what else Coach said? Kev gets a little stronger, he's gonna be a force.
So I'm gonna take him out in the garage, pump a little iron.
Oh.
The garage.
Dad's sanctuary.
- Okay.
- Go upstairs and change, all right? - (LAUGHS) - What's going on here? Study group.
Studying what? Relax.
They're fine, Jack.
Really? You're not gonna meddle? No, no, no, no.
Meddling was so Seventh Grade Rebecca.
- This is Eighth Grade Rebecca.
- Oh.
Cool Mom Rebecca.
You know, I can monitor the situation, but in a cool way.
- Okay.
Yeah, Cool Mom.
- Cool Mom.
Cool Mom.
- Hey, babe.
- Yeah.
You really think it's okay for Kev to be pumping iron? I mean, teens' bones and muscles are still developing.
Say the thing you want to say.
No.
Cool Mom Rebecca doesn't meddle.
Okay.
I-I got this.
Yeah, it's really cute.
He, like, has his own little made-up language.
- (ELLIE LAUGHS) - And everything rhymes.
It's really cute.
Oh, hey, Tobe, the sitter said that she can't find any diapers.
Yeah, well, you bought some yesterday.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I did.
- Well, where are they? I don't know.
You brought the groceries in.
Okay.
Ugh.
Come on, Tobe.
You were supposed to check the diaper supply before we left.
No, I checked the diaper supply yesterday and saw that we were low and wrote "diapers" on the shopping list.
Right, and then I bought the diapers that were on the shopping list, and you were supposed to take them - out of the trunk.
- We wouldn't run out of diapers so fast if we could please just buy in bulk.
I'm not gonna hoard diapers, Tobe.
Like, other people need diapers, too.
I'm not talking about buying all of the diapers in the world, but this kid is a human outhouse.
Maybe if we just get, like, an extra box or two.
Okay, so it's my fault? It would be really great, just, like, one time if you could be like, "My fault", like you took the blame just for something.
Just like, "Hey, it was me.
" I take the blame for everything.
I am this family's blame piñata! Pow! Blame scattered on the floor.
Blame piñata.
That's good.
Thanks, it felt good rolling off the tongue.
I'm sorry I left the diapers in the trunk.
- I'm an idiot.
- Babe, you're not an idiot.
And we both know that, uh, we've had our son sit in his diaper for a lot longer than this, so (LAUGHS) Yeah, I actually think he likes it.
'Cause he's gross.
(LAUGHS) (TOBY SIGHS) - Ready? - Yes.
(LAUGHS) (HIP-HOP BEAT PLAYING) Okay, you wanna, you wanna play with me But so confused, all the things to say Want to be invited to parties But you can't even pronounce my name You need to be up on this, right here's where Hey, Mr.
Phillips, I'm a they, not a she.
Told you about 17 times now, so if you've got a problem with that, then screw you! Gettin' lit, all of these weekends I spend gettin' lit I swear to Jesus it's been on my list Hey, Ms.
Jennings.
When we get back to school, don't touch my hair anymore.
Like Solange says, don't touch my hair.
Does this make you uneasy? Does this make you uncomfortable? Because that's how you make us feel.
- Screw you! - Screw you! Okay.
There anything you want to say before we do? We did it last year after Ms.
Jennings touched my hair, - then kept doing it to other kids.
- BETH: Tess, if a teacher touched your hair, you know what, you should have gone to that teacher, or you should have come to us.
You do not post a profane, mocking dance video for the world to see.
I did tell the teacher.
I said, "Please don't touch my hair.
" RANDALL: And did she stop? She stopped with me.
But not with all the other Black students.
Well, Tess, the other students aren't your problem.
Silence in the face of injustice is complicity with the oppressor.
Okay, the teachers didn't get the message when we asked nicely, but they definitely got the message now.
BETH: Hey.
Check the attitude, okay, Tess? Now, this Alex, did she make you do this? Alex is not a she.
They're a they.
Fine.
They.
No one made me do anything.
You tell me to be myself.
Well, this is me now, guys.
Have you seen what's going on in the world? I'm done waiting to figure out who I am.
I'm done being the prissy, quiet little girl you raised in the straight, white suburbs surrounded by straight, white people.
This is who I want to be.
This is who I am.
Go to your room, Tess.
This'll go right here.
Stewart, we can stop pretending why you picked my study group.
I miss you, too.
I picked your group because I like deserts.
This is where the action is.
Snakes, Gila monsters, scorpions.
(TV PLAYING QUIETLY) (LIPS SMACK) It's crazy.
This tastes just like root beer.
Want to try? I should really get to my homework.
That's an angry pour.
Grazie.
What's that? It's a journal for Dr.
Vance.
Supposed to write down a story about my childhood.
Can only imagine what Tess is gonna write about us someday.
She's lashing out.
She should know better.
The Internet has a long memory.
We taught her to know better, Randall.
Yeah.
Yeah, we did.
As a parent, I agree with you.
She did not go about this the right way, but and just stay with me here part of me is kind of proud of her.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) If something bothered me when I was her age, I swallowed it.
I've always been worried that Tess was like me.
You know, internal.
Anxious.
But all of a sudden, she's coming into her own.
She's not afraid of who she is.
She's not gonna have to go see a therapist at 40 to figure that out.
- I know.
And I hear you.
- Mm-hmm.
But they are teenagers now, husband.
- Okay? - Mm-hmm.
This is what we have been training for.
- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) - There has got to be consequences for what she's done.
All right? And strong parenting is not playing good cop, bad cop.
We have to be on the same page.
Starting now.
So you want me to go talk to her? Ding, ding, ding.
- TOBY: No, just pull it once.
- ELLIE: Maybe.
No.
Hold on.
- TOBY: Just pull it once.
Yeah.
- ELLIE: I'm sorry.
(LAUGHS) - There you go.
(LAUGHS) - (KATE LAUGHS) - Thank you for the ride.
This was fun.
- (TOBY CLEARS THROAT) Oh, i-i-it was.
Yeah.
Uh and I'm sorry if our arguing made you feel uncomfortable.
I mean, we actually get along very well, so Yeah, which works out good, 'cause we're married.
(KATE AND ELLIE LAUGH) Well, Doug my husband he used to overbuy condiments.
It was as if he lived in perpetual fear of running out of mustard.
(CHUCKLES): It drove me nuts, and we fought about it constantly.
- Mustard-gate.
Ketchup-gate.
Mayo-gate.
- (CHUCKLES) Mayo-gate was, uh, it was especially bad.
(LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES) I think you can tell a lot about a couple by how they fight.
How they recover.
I have a strong feeling about you guys.
Thanks for coming all the way to San Pedro.
- Yeah.
- Oh, of course.
Our pleasure.
Yeah, love San Pedro.
(LAUGHING): "We love San Pedro.
" Okay, bye.
See you.
Bye.
KEVIN: Hey.
How you feeling? Fine.
Soaked my feet.
Oh, good.
Good.
- So, I-I didn't mean to, uh - Don't.
You did nothing wrong.
I said something.
I don't Was it about the movie or the babies? Uh I had an eating disorder, Kevin.
I'm not sure how much you know, but I've been struggling with eating issues for as long as I can remember, and, um then comes this pregnancy.
You know why that ultrasound picture is on the fridge and not on a bulletin board or a bathroom mirror? I keep that there to remind me to eat.
To eat food, Kev.
To eat food to keep our babies healthy.
Do you know when I go to the doctor, the first thing they do is weigh me? And they announce the number out loud, and I have to remind myself to act proud that I've put on two pounds when for most of my adult life, news like that would just make me spiral.
It's hard to adjust.
I didn't know.
Of course you didn't.
I've been hiding a lot of myself from you.
This whole thing isn't normal, Kev, as much as we pretend it is.
Everything came backwards here, and I'm all over the place.
Insecurities running wild, and-and you're walking around like an Olympic swimmer most of the time.
I'm sorry.
I'm fine.
I love our babies.
I'm just dealing with a lot right now.
It's on me.
All right.
(SIGHS) You ready? (AUSTRIAN ACCENT): I am Hans.
(AUSTRIAN ACCENT): And I am Franz.
- BOTH: And we want to pump you up! - (BOTH LAUGH) - (REGULAR VOICE): Okay.
Let's, uh - (WEIGHT SCRAPES) You know, let's start with just the bar.
'Cause, you know, you're still developing and everything.
Come on, man, throw in some lead.
No, Kev, come on.
The bar is-is plenty heavy.
All right? But first, what I want you to do is, you got to warm up.
Right? We got to loosen things up.
Pull your arm through.
Warm your shoulders up.
There you go.
Yeah.
Go the other arm.
All right.
Go across.
Go across.
- (INHALES, EXHALES FORCEFULLY) - (EXHALES FORCEFULLY) (JACK LAUGHS) All right, here we go.
- (KNUCKLES CRACK) - (GRUNTS) Knuckle popping is optional.
- (KNUCKLES CRACK) - All right.
KATE: Stewart's a desert groupie, Mom.
That's why he wanted to be in our study project.
- It wasn't to be with me.
- REBECCA: Oh.
I see.
I feel like an idiot.
No, don't.
Following your heart is a real strength, Kate.
Yeah, sometimes you end up getting hurt, but most of the time, it'll all work out.
I know it's not the cool thing to say, but I'm really proud of you, and I love you.
TOBY: All right.
Emergency diaper stash restocked.
(KATE LAUGHS) - Ah - What's so funny? Oh, uh, Ellie said the Buffy episode "Hush" was on, so Babe, "Hush"? The one where everyone in Sunnydale loses the ability to talk? Do not insult me.
I know the episode.
- Please.
- Excuse me.
But c-could we just not - text her as much, please? - She texted me.
Come on.
Just admit, it went well.
And could you just be a little excited - about that? - Not really.
This baby stuff wasn't that easy the first time.
You know, with this, we're dealing with a 33-year-old single mother who could, literally, at any moment, change her mind about us.
So instead of asking me to be more excited, could maybe you you try to be a little more terrified? (SIGHS) Okay.
You know what, she does smile a lot when she rubs her belly.
Which is better than the opposite, obviously, but I don't know, I clocked it.
- Oh, babe.
- See? Thank you.
Thank no, that makes me feel better.
Thank you for registering an acceptable level of terror.
- Mm.
- I appreciate it.
Yeah, okay, you're welcome.
She did say that her favorite Star Wars character was Babu Frik.
That's a fresh take.
Respect.
And did you see the look on her face when she noticed that we had forgotten the diapers in the car? That was the look of a woman who is falling hard for us.
- Babe.
- Yeah.
Those are good things.
- Those are good things.
- Okay, well, thank you for registering a, you know, an acceptable level of excitement.
Thank you.
Also, I, um, bought the diapers, for the record.
- You left 'em in the trunk.
- (LAUGHS): Uh Uh, excuse me.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) RANDALL: "Come in.
" "Oh, thanks, daughter, don't-don't mind if I do.
" (SIGHS) "Silence in the face of inequality is complicity with the oppressor.
" - Ginetta Sagan.
- You caught that.
I catch everything, daughter.
There's a right way and a wrong way to get your point across.
Even loudly, if need be.
And this was the wrong way.
And it's not you.
Telling adults to screw themself on the Internet? - That's not you.
- It is me.
It's not.
That is not the person who made my life somersault.
- It's an old reference.
- I remember.
We're taking your phone away for six weeks.
What? What if I'm out? You won't be, 'cause you're grounded for six weeks, too.
Fascist! This is bull You finish that sentence, tack on three more weeks.
Good choice.
God.
(DOOR CLOSES) Did she call you a fascist? Yeah, hon.
I believe she did.
What you want to do is, you line your thumbs up, okay? Make sure that bar is nice and center.
Wrap them around the bar.
Very important.
Thumb around the bar.
Important.
Come on.
Come on.
- Come on.
- (EXHALES SHARPLY) Nice, Kev.
You're doing great.
Last one, Kev.
Last one.
Here we go.
Push it, push it, push it.
Push it.
Work that chest.
Push.
Push.
Push.
Push, push, push, push, push, push, push.
Yeah, hey.
- All right, let's pull this up.
- No, don't touch it.
What's it, too heavy? I could take some weight off.
- No, I got it.
- Well, come on.
Man up.
- (EXHALES) - JACK: Come on, Kev, you're good.
A couple more.
(EXHALES) Good.
(CHUCKLES): Look at you.
You're a monster.
I did it.
Hey, look, Kev.
You put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.
Okay? I'm playing a trial lawyer.
In the movie I-I play a trial lawyer.
Let me ask you a question.
Why does a trial lawyer need to be ripped? I don't know.
He doesn't.
(EXHALES) I count calories, too, Madison.
And I panic inside if I don't get a second workout in every single day.
And I prefer sweating in a dingy garage than going to some celebrity gym because (SIGHS) Oh, God, so many reasons, actually.
This one's stronger, right here.
Put your hand right there.
Strong Eight, nine, ten.
Switch it up.
Flex that! At the top.
Yeah, you did it! - (LAUGHS) - My boy's gonna be a beast.
And as an actor, it just became my currency.
I actually got famous by taking my shirt off.
(SIGHS) I'm getting older and it's getting harder.
And I'm not drinking anymore, which is my other addiction, so I just come in here and I just I channel all of that here, and it's, uh not exactly healthy.
I got stuff, too, Madison.
I got a lot of stuff.
Including stuff with my brother that I still have to work out.
And I I lay in bed sometimes and I, um I just stare at the ceiling and I worry.
(SIGHS) I worry that I'm gonna pass all that on to my kids, you know? All that my unhealthy stuff.
Me, too.
You know, I suppose being parents is gonna be hard enough on its own, without us walking around trying to be polite strangers in front of each other.
I mean, I had the greatest, most connected parents you can imagine, and they missed so much.
(EXHALES) (EXHALES) (SIGHS DEEPLY) (TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY) It's crazy.
This tastes just like root beer.
Want to try? I should really get to my homework.
I always wondered what it would be like to kiss someone like you.
(EXHALES) Sorry I was so preoccupied with Kate's project, I didn't even get to ask you how your day was.
- It w it was good.
- Yeah? Tonya seems very nice.
Yeah.
Night, Mom.
Madison, I'm an alcoholic and I'm a workout addict with daddy issues.
Also, sometimes I get foot corns, and when that baby flares up in the summer, I've been known to wear shoes and socks at the beach.
It's bulimia, my eating disorder.
Um, it almost killed me when I was 17.
I have a handle on it, but even now, sometimes, my daily state of mind is still determined by my weight.
Also, I am obsessed with the show Outlander.
(WHISPERS): I've gone to conventions.
No.
- Yeah.
- You're one of those people? - Yeah.
I'm one of those people.
- (EXHALES) (CLICKING RAPIDLY) - Hey, Grandpa.
- (TIMER DINGS) The woman? The one you were trying to impress with your cooking? Is she the woman in all the pictures around here? So many questions in such a little body.
Linh, it's the woman in all the pictures.
I knew it.