Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e04 Episode Script

- (Voiceover) Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. - We're (we're)
Ready (ready)
To (to)
Party
We're ready to party we're ready ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti (I'm scared) ♪
Come on in come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing! Fiesta! Romancing! Siesta! ♪
Samba! La Bamba! Ay caramba!
Disguises (disguises)
Surprises (surprises)
And pies of (and pies of) all sizes ♪
Come on in come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
- If this show were any more entertaining
we'd be on pay-per-view.
(upbeat instrumental music)
- Your cat and dog are getting thinner
stop your work and go make dinner.
Ha ha, very cute.
(doorbell ringing)
Who could this be now?
Yes?
- Hey, y'all Jon Arbuckle?
- Yes.
- You're really and for truly Jon Arbuckle in person?
- Yes?
- My dear wonderful citified cousin,
I am so happy to see you.
I could kiss a pig.
- Stop that!
- What's the matter Jonny,
don't y'all recognize your dear cousin Roscoe me?
- Roscoe?
- Oh no, this is another one of those episodes
where we put up with one of Jon's relatives.
(grumbling)
- So I decided to head for the big city,
I figured y'all could give me a job
y'all being a big-time cartoonist person
and all stuff like.
- A job?
- You know I'm an educated person I am.
I can spell C O W cow.
Oh give me a job cousin, pretty please, please, please!
- Well
- John would have to be out of his mind
to give cousin Roscoe a job, he'll do it.
- (Jon) Okay Roscoe, I'll give you a job.
- Told ya.
I just hope cousin Roscoe doesn't get in the way
of the important things like eating, sleeping, watching TV.
- Okay cousin, first thing I want you to take
those new tiles up to the roof one at a time.
- Oh I can do that Johnny.
You give me a chore to do and it is as good as done,
it is, it is.
- I'll be inside working.
- I'll just show Johnny what a good employee I is.
Lulabelle will be so proud.
Now, one at a time will take too long,
I'll take them up all in one trip.
- Pepperoni, mushrooms, pineapple, Canadian bacon,
sausage.
- This is my new favorite station,
it's the all pizza toppings channel.
- Cousin Jon will be so proud of me.
Ah, made it.
I'm a smart person I am, I got brains.
I got so many brains I ain't even used them all yet.
Uh oh, I better think of a solution to this right quick.
- This channel is making me hungry,
so get me some microwave pizza.
I said get me some microwave pizza.
Do what I say or I'll hit the ceiling.
- Roscoe!
- Wasn't my fault cousin,
that there is the flimsiest roof I ever done fallen through.
Oh please give me another chance cousin.
Please, please, please?
- Alright, I'll find you another chore to do.
- (Garfield) Hello, cat still under here.
- Can you run a power mower Roscoe?
- Oh I can run anything.
I can run a mile, I can run a contest, I can even run--
- No, just mow the yard!
- I will just mow the yard.
Wait till Lulabelle gets a load of
what a good yard mower I be.
- If I can't watch TV,
I'll do the next best thing, I'll sleep.
Maybe I'll be lucky and have a dream with commercials in it.
- To turn mower on turn switch marked on.
This thing here is way too confusing,
I'll just fiddle with buttons till it starts.
Uh oh.
Whoa!
Hey, whoa mower, stop!
- More Cantolone.
Hello?
Hello, anyone?
Hmm, I'm having one of those days.
Actually, I seem to be having
several of those days all at once.
- Roscoe stop kidding around of that power mower,
you shouldn't, oh no!
No, stop, help!
- (Roscoe) I'm trying cousin,
but this contraption just will not listen.
- (Jon) No, not through the dining room!
- This is good, the living room rug so needed a trim.
Could I suggest getting rid of cousin Roscoe?
- I know what you're thinking Garfield.
- Johnny my dear understanding relative person,
give me another chance, please?
I gotta make Lulabelle proud of me.
- Lulu Belle?
- She is my best girl back home,
only she say she won't up and marry up with me
lessen I show her I can do something well.
- Now there's a bachelor for life.
- Okay, okay, one more chance.
- You will not ever regret it Johnny.
- Lulabelle, hmm?
- I know that look Garfield, you're thinking of something.
- Just a little way to make sure cousin Roscoe
doesn't become a regular.
- You sure about this Garfield?
That's right, a one-way bus ticket here to town.
The name?
Lulabelle, that's right, and I'll need it delivered to her.
- It's all part of my plan to get rid of cousin Roscoe,
stick close to me and you won't get hurt.
- Now Roscoe, do you know what a vacuum is?
- It's that thing he's got keeping his ears apart.
- Sure do cousin, just let me at it and I'll make you
and Lellebelle prouder than a peacock at me.
I am one fine vacuumer person I am, I am.
- I hope you know what you're doing Garfield.
- Relax, the one great thing about failure
is that it's consistent,
some people you can always count on to mess up.
Cousin Roscoe won't disappoint me.
- Hey, you shouldn't oughta do that!
- I don't like the sound of this.
- Wait till you hear what comes next.
- Y'all come out of there you!
Alright, alright, I know how to get you out of there,
I will just put her in reverse.
Hey you, y'all stop that!
- What's going on out there?
- Don't go out there, you'll be sorry.
(screaming)
Come on pupper, I think cousin Roscoe's job is done.
- You did this Roscoe, this is all your doing!
- You're right, I've done every bit of it.
- Oh Roscoe, you learned how to do something well.
- Lellebelle!
- And now that you got yourself a skill,
I'd be pleased as punch to marry you.
- Y'all would?
(cheering loudly)
Thank you cousin Johnny, we'll send you a wedding invite.
- Ooh, you'll be the handsomest groom.
- I don't get it, what does she think he learned to do well?
This house being wrecked by Roscoe Arbuckle,
Home Wrecker Company.
Pretty clever Garfield.
- Naturally.
- Gee, now they're going to get married
and live happily ever after.
I almost feel like crying.
- Well, if you really want to cry,
figure out how much new furniture's gonna cost you.
(upbeat instrumental music)
Run for your life, it's a rabid muskrat!
I liked the part where he made you fetch it on all fours.
- Oh shut up.
(crickets churping)
(owl hooting)
- Well, I guess that's enough reading for tonight.
Nothing like a nice warm mud bed.
Huh?
Oh, it's you.
- Yeah, we can't sleep Orson.
- Read us a story.
- Yeah, your stories can put anyone to sleep.
- I'll ignore that.
Okay, I'll read you a story.
- You read us all of these.
- All except this one, Rumplestiltskin.
- Oh, this is a great story.
- Dumb name.
- Are there any monsters in it?
- No.
- Can you put some monsters in it?
- And some spacemen?
- And ninjas, ooh we love ninjas!
- There are no ninjas in Rumpelstiltskin.
- Oh, that's no fun.
We want ninjas! We want ninjas!
- Alright, alright, I'll put some ninjas in.
- And monsters?
- And monsters and dinosaurs and whatever you want.
Once upon a time there was a miller
who lived in the forest with his beautiful daughter.
All day long they--
- (Booker) That's boring!
- Yeah, let's make him a ninja.
- A ninja?
But the story isn't
Fine, he's a ninja.
All day long the miller, ninja and his daughter
would work at the mill.
- (Booker) Let's make her a ninja too.
- Her? But she's
Alright, she's a ninja too.
So all day long they would work at the mill making flour--
- (Booker) Ninjas don't make flour, they duel.
- (Orson) So all day long they would duel.
(speaking foreign language)
When who should come to the door, but the King's Herald.
- (Sheldon) Ninja!
- (Orson) Ninja
And he read a proclamation from His Majesty which said:
(speaking foreign language)
- (Sheldon) What did he say?
- I don't know, I don't speak ninja.
- Okay, change him back.
- (Orson) The King's Herald said
- Hear ye, hear ye,
you are ordered to appear before his majesty
and to prove that you have some worthy skill.
- See, the king insisted that everyone in his kingdom
be able to do something really useful,
but the miller, ninja, was worried.
- Orson, what are you doing up so late?
- I'm reading them the story of Rumpelstiltskin.
Anyway, the ninja was worried--
- There are no ninjas in Rumpelstiltskin.
- There are now Wade.
The ninja was worried--
- I'm tired of ninjas let's make them monsters
- Alright they're monsters.
The monster was worried--
- I don't like monsters.
- (Orson) Okay, no ninjas, no monsters.
They're a miller and his daughter, got that!
- (Wade) I don't want to play a girl.
- (Orson) Okay, a miller and his son,
just let me get through this.
The miller was worried
because his son didn't have any skills.
- I am a failure, I can do nothing right.
- (Orson) So the miller decided to lie to the king.
- (Booker) Can the king be a ninja?
- (Orson) No, the miller told the king a big fib.
My daughter, my son has a wonderful skill.
He can spin straw into gold.
Well, the King thought this was terrific.
- This is terrific.
- (Orson) He summoned two of his finest soldiers
and sent them to the miller's cottage
where they quickly seized the miller's son.
So the king took the son to a room and said:
- You're not leaving until you spin
all this straw into gold.
- Well it was a pretty big pile of straw
and the son did the only thing he could do.
He was locked inside the room and the ninja stood guard.
- Oh, what's ya doing piggo?
- Reading Rumpelstiltskin, and he knew there was no way--
- There are no ninjas in Rumpelstiltskin.
- There are now. - There are now.
And he knew there was no way
he could spin the straw into gold.
- Thanks a lot Dad.
Oh, whoa is me, I am locked in here
and commanded to spin straw into gold,
which I can not do and I am in big trouble.
- (Orson) When suddenly who should appear but--
- (Booker) A 50-foot ape.
- (Orson) No, not a 50-foot ape,
when suddenly who should appear but--
- (Sheldon) A really neat space alien!
- (Wade) A space
- No, no really neat space alien,
what appears is a funny little man!
And the funny little man said--
- (Sheldon) Can he at least be a superhero?
- (Orson) Okay, he's a superhero.
- Hello, I'm a funny little man
and I can spin all this straw into gold for you.
- Oh please funny little man, it would save my life
if you did, please, please, please!
- I will do it, but you must give me--
- How 'bout his VCR?
- His VCR?
Alright, the little man said:
- I will do it, but you must give me your VCR.
- It is a deal.
- (Orson) So the little man went to work.
(humming happily)
Well, in no time at all he'd spun all the straw into gold
delighting the son.
The little man, superhero, was a sport though,
he said he'd give the son a way to keep his VCR.
- Booker, are you as bored by this as I am?
- It's a snooze and a half.
- After the king let the son out,
the little man offered the son a deal.
- You can keep your VCR if you can guess my name.
- Guess your name?
Ha, that ought to be a cinch.
Is it Fred? - No
- Sam? - Nope
- Elliott? - Nope
- Jason? - No way.
- (Orson) The son just kept on guessing far into the night.
- Irving, Floyd, Ichabod, Michael, Sidney,
John, Paul, George, Ringo,
Larry, Moe, Curly, Shemp, Howey, Frank?
- No.
- (Orson) But without success.
(speaking slurred)
- Prince, Englebert?
- Sorry, you only get one more guess.
- Yay like, hi there Rumpelstiltskin, que pasa?
- I know it, I know your name, your name is--
- But before the duck son could say the name,
a hurricane came up.
- A hurricane?
- Yes a hurricane, a it blew the duck away
so he couldn't take his VCR back.
- Oh no, momento!
- Guys
- Then a spaceship came by and it rescued the handsome duck
and flew him back to reclaim his VCR.
- Guys stop this.
- (Roy) But the rooster was determined to get it back
with the aid of his trained dinosaurs.
- Trained dinosaurs?
Where did the trained dinosaurs come from?
- Same place all those ninjas came from.
- But then, the Third Marine Division landed
with their anti-trained dinosaur squadron.
- But the mole people were too smart for the marines.
- Guys!
- You hear all that Sheldon?
- Yeah, trust grown-ups to ruin a story.
- They should have just left it with ninjas.
Good night Sheldon.
- Good night Booker.
- (Wade) Then 83 monsters take the VCR back.
- (Roy) Then 84 monsters and a giant moth
grab it back from the duck.
- (Wade) Yeah.
(instrumental carnival music)
- These little traveling carnivals are fun.
One day they're here, the next day they're in another state.
- With pizza like this I'm not surprised.
Yuck!
I should have asked them to hold
the anchovies and the styrofoam.
- Good evening, could I perhaps interest you and your cat
in having your fortune told, only five dollars?
- Jon's entire fortune is five dollars.
- You mean, you can tell us what'll happen in the future?
- Come into by tent and say goodbye to all uncertainty.
- Never mind uncertainty, say goodbye to five dollars.
- Yeah.
- This will not hurt,
I only study the lines in your palm and I,
no, you have the mark of the pentagram,
the symbol of evil!
- Oh no, that's mozzarella.
You're not much at reading paws lady,
try old I'll believe anything.
- Your turn Mr. Arbuckle.
I see, I see you are very successful.
- Well
yes.
- Strike one.
- And talent, oh you are very, very talented.
- Well, some people seem to think so.
- Strike two.
- Oh, and women find you very attractive.
- Well
- Strike three, you're out.
I'll be right back.
- Huh?
- Here's your money Madame Ouspenskaya,
I can't imagine how you knew so much about me.
- For an additional fee
I can tell you even more Jon, I can--
- Okay, my turn to read your future.
I see you meeting a tall dark man.
I see him pointing out that you don't have a license
for this crooked operation.
I see you packing up quickly and moving to a new area code.
- This is your fault cat, you did this to me.
I will put a curse on you.
On your head I place the curse of the wolf.
Whenever the moon is full
you will turn into a wolf creature.
- Come on, let's go.
Thanks cat, we've been after this lady for a long time.
- The nerve of her, conning Jon out of money, that's my job.
- Garfield, she put a curse on you.
- Relax Arbuckle, you'd have to be real low on brains
to worry about me becoming a monster when the moon is full.
I have my snack foods all alphabetized
from avocado dip through zum-zum chocolate bars.
Now we just need a movie.
Shh, it's already started.
- It is a curse, every time the moon is full
I am transformed into the most dangerous,
most feared creature in the world.
- He becomes a gym teacher?
- No one is safe when the moon is full
and the clock tolls midnight.
(choking)
(growling)
(dramatic organ music)
- Garfield, will you keep the TV down?
I'm trying to get some work done!
You don't have to get nasty about it,
just keep the TV down.
Garfield?
Alright, alright, I'll make you a sandwich.
What's gotten into that cat?
- It is the curse that does it,
the curse of the wolf creature.
- Oh no, the gypsy's curse!
I have to find that gypsy and get her to undo what she did.
- What happened?
I feel like I was turned into a wolf creature.
You all know that feeling.
It's okay Odie, I'm me again.
You were worried about me weren't you pupper?
- Mm-hmm.
- What a lovely buffet dinner for my guests.
Attention everyone dinner is ready.
- Oh no!
A wolf creature!
- Oh well, it's still better
than having Arbuckle's cat around.
- I'm too late, the carnival
and Madame Ouspenskaya have left town.
- Not too late, but thanks to you and that cat
I'm out of business.
- Madame Ouspenskaya, it's my cat,
your curse worked, it turned him into a wolf.
- Don't be silly my curses never work, I'm a fraud.
In fact, my accent isn't even real.
- Well, this curse worked, come on, you have to lift it.
- I have my book of spells here.
I can undo the curse,
but how you gonna find the wolf creature?
- He may be a wolf creature,
but deep inside he's still Garfield.
- Where are you going?
- Just stopping off for a little bait.
- How could he smell lasagna that far away?
- Trust me, Garfield can.
Here he comes.
Quick, while he's eating!
- Here is the counter-curse.
I remove the curse of the wolf from your head cat,
return to your normal self.
It didn't work.
- (Jon) No, that's how he always eats.
- How would you like it if someone put a spell on you?
Let's see monsters, demons, door-to-door salesman, frogs.
Ah, here's the one.
- Oh no, not that one!
- On your head I place the curse of mimess.
Whenever the moon is full you will turn into
the most horrifying creature of them all.
- Garfield, you turned her into a
a mime.
- There he is, get him, get him!
Get him good.
(screaming)
A mime!
- There's worse things in this world
than wolf creatures you know.
- Hmm?
(upbeat instrumental music)