Gilmore Girls s05e04 Episode Script
Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too
- Hey, you're up.
|- Hey, you're cooking.
Yep, I'm making the works.
Even threw a couple blintzes|in there to confuse you.
- Wow, where did all this come from?|- What? The food, the pans, the bowls,|the spatula? Food's from Doose's, pans and bowls|you had, and the spatula's mine.
- You travel with a spatula?|- Sometimes.
You've actually found yourself|in scraping and flipping situations without the trusty spatula before? The coffee should be ready in a minute.
Smells good.
- Hey, Luke?|- Yep.
You cooking this is so sweet.
But? I just figured, you know,|we'd go to Luke's for breakfast.
- Why?|- Because I like Luke's breakfast.
- I am Luke.
|- I know.
- This is the same stuff I make at the diner.
|- I know.
So what's the difference? The difference is that while you are Luke,|we're not at Luke's.
- So?|- Well, I have my things, you know.
I have certain things,|and one of my things is going to Luke's.
And just because|I now have "Dating Luke" doesn't mean I want to lose|my "Cooking Luke.
" But I am cooking, and I am Luke.
Look, it's like Tommy Lee having|a Starbucks at his house.
- What?|- On the surface, it sounds great.
But half the reason you go|to a Starbucks is to go to a Starbucks you know, to go out and see the people.
- Tommy Lee has a Starbucks in his house?|"- Cribs," baby, watch it.
Like a whole Starbucks,|with workers and everything? The point is that|while some things have changed and that's great I don't want everything|to change completely.
- Okay, I'll see you at Luke's.
|- I'll see you at Luke's.
Hello? CulturaI Disenfranchisement with|"Women's Role Models," do you have it? Oh, God! I hope not.
The book for the class|that I'm officially late to.
- What are you looking for?|- A big boring book.
- Who is that?|- It's Luke.
- Who's that?|- It's Rory.
Luke? It's pretty early in the morning|for Luke to be there unless, perhaps, he woke up there.
- He did.
|- He did what? Are you talking about me? - Man, that's weird.
|- What's weird? - Who's weird? I'm weird?|- The thought of Luke running around naked|in my kitchen.
It's weird.
Luke is not running around naked|in your kitchen.
He is sitting at the table,|and, yes, he's naked.
Don't do that.
Don't tell her I'm naked.
|I'm not naked.
- I'm not naked.
|- He sounds naked.
Well, the chairs are cold.
|He actually tried to make me breakfast.
- Really?|- Yeah, naked.
- Okay, that's it, I'm gone.
|- No, sorry, don't, no.
Rory, Luke is fully dressed.
|He never came in the house.
He just stood outside all night|playing "In Your Eyes" on a boom box.
I have to go.
But if you find the book,|bring it to Friday night dinner, okay? - You got it.
|- Go back to your dirtiness.
Come here.
Thanks a lot.
I photographed it before you moved it,|so if there's any damage you'll be hearing from my lawyer.
- Hi.
|- Hi, introduce me to your friend.
This is a Blaeu printing press,|18th century.
- And it's here because?|- It's Asher's.
He left it to me.
|It's beautiful, don't you think? Yeah, I think it goes great|with the entire width of the room.
I know.
It's a little cumbersome.
|But we don't have to leave it right here.
We could move|it about six inches in any direction.
Paris, we can't just leave it here.
- I have nowhere else to put it.
|- But- And you have to think of the benefits|of having it here.
- Like?|- No one else will have one which means it's unique,|which makes us unique.
Kids our age do crazy things|to make themselves unique piercings, blue hair, kaballah.
|It will be a great conversation piece.
- We'll be the talk of Branford.
|- I believe we will.
We can print our own newsletter,|if you'd like.
"- The Eccentric Gazette.
" I love it.
|- It's from Asher.
Just try it for a while.
I promise, if it gets in the way,|we'll get rid of it.
Paris, it's on my book bag.
I'm late for class, and you put|a printing press on my book bag? Sorry.
It's from my dead boyfriend, okay? I apologize|if my grief is inconveniencing you.
Maybe I'll just put myself on an iceberg|and float myself out to sea so that no one will have|to deal with my suffering.
Well, just get that thing off my bag|before you go.
This is outrageous,|and he will call me back.
And it had better be in a timely manner,|or I will come down there and introduce myself,|and, oh, the fun we'll have.
- Hate this chair.
|- What's the matter, honey? Justin and Cameron having trouble again? I just got off the phone with|the very promising young man working as Taylor's assistant,|to try and talk to the man about this.
No.
He rejected it again? I believe that is what|the bright red letters say.
We only need two lousy parking spaces.
|What is his problem? The list is long.
- This is the third time, Michel.
|- I know.
The third time that bus-and-truck-tour|Mussolini has rejected our permit.
- And I was there for every show.
|- What is "Rejection Code M"? "Applicant's name does not match name|listed on articles of incorporation.
" Is he serious? Apparently, you did not put|your middle name on this application.
However, you did put your middle name|on the articles of incorporation so the names don't match,|and Taylor has no idea who you are.
I'm the person whose foot is going to|prevent him from sitting down.
That's who I am.
You always promise to hurt him,|but then you don't.
- You're a Taylor tease.
|- I'm getting coffee.
- Perfect timing!|- Sookie, I really need some coffee.
- First this.
|- But it's right over there, and - Okay, what am I looking at?|- Jackson's tomatoes.
Here we go.
Where are you going? - I was just going to get a little-|- Eat this.
Isn't that the greatest tomato|you've ever eaten? - It's good.
|- Good? - It's great.
|- Great? All I wanted was a cup of coffee.
|Thank you.
Sorry, Jackson, this is one rocking tomato.
This is the first batch grown in|my brand-new, hydroponic greenhouse.
- Jackson designed it himself.
|- Built most of it myself, too.
You know what this means.
The best tomatoes on the East Coast|and in October.
- October!|- It sure ain't November.
This means year-round vegetables.
I'm never going to be a slave|to Mother Nature ever again.
- If I want to make it|- Then I'm gonna grow it.
You two really found each other,|didn't you? - Do you want another piece of tomato?|- Do I? Boys, leave us, please.
Ben Franklin was out of his mind.
So, come on in.
- Dean, you remember Paris.
|- Yes, I do.
- How you doing, Paris?|- I'm fine.
What's that? That's a printing press.
Haven't you heard? - Texts are out, movable type is in.
|- I've heard that.
So, my room's in there.
- Nice to see you again, Paris.
|- Right back at you.
- You're back with farmer boy? What gives?|- Paris.
- I thought he was married.
|- He was, now he's not.
Well, Hoss returns.
|Who would have thunk? I'm going in my room now.
- Just hold on.
We have to figure this out.
|- Figure what out? You're going to be bringing boys|home now.
We need a system.
I'm not bringing boys home.
|I'm bringing boy home.
- That boy, that's it.
|- I assume you're having sex.
- Paris.
|- You're having sex.
Well, luckily I just bought|some noise-reducing headphones - so that'll help.
|- Oh, boy.
If I put the headphones on, and|then stuff some towels under the door that should do the trick.
If you've got extra towels to stuff,|I got a location suggestion.
- How loud are you?|- Paris, stop.
Look, I don't care.
I just need the|information to formulate a good plan.
I mean, you look all small and squeaky,|but sometimes it's exactly the bunny-looking girls|who can blow the roof off the barn.
I know, just give me|a three-minute warning.
I'm walking away now.
That way, I have time to put everything|in place, put headphones on, etcetera.
- Bye.
|- Is he going to be coming over a lot? Probably, right? Because he's|at his peak now and it's probably one of the only things|he's good at.
So- - Three-minute warning.
|- Right.
- Bread.
|- That's $1.
10, so we're at $17.
33.
- And jam.
|- Generic.
- Yes, Mom.
|- $1.
40, so we're at $18.
73.
Yo, John Nash, enough with the numbers.
I'm just keeping track,|so we don't go over.
It's too much pressure.
I can't think.
If we used coupons,|it would stretch our money.
Dude, the only thing more un-rock and roll|than coupons is that shirt you're wearing.
I've asked you about this shirt.
|You never said anything.
- We're not using coupons.
|- Get enough brewskis there, buddy? Don't worry,|I'm using my own money for this.
- Okay, just|- Just what? I'm not sure why|you need all that beer, that's all.
We've got gigs coming up, and I've kind of|learned through experience that if you say to people, "Hey,|wanna come back for some beers?" and you don't have beer,|they get pissed and leave.
- People.
|- Right.
- Meaning girls.
|- I would prefer it be girls.
Good, okay.
Well, stock up, then, Hef.
|Get some extra for Jimmy Caan.
Guys, how you doing? Great! Hope you're not here for beer,|'cause I think we're buying it all up.
- I'm just here for diapers.
|- Any of your girlfriends need diapers? - What is your problem?|- Problem? No problem.
- Milk.
|- Lane, that was a real brand.
That makes $27, $28, $29, $30,|and $10 makes $40 and here, take a balloon for the little miss.
Election's on Tuesday.
- Morning, Maggie.
How's the family?|- A pain in my rear.
Don't say I said that.
- Morning, Jackson.
|- Hi, Taylor.
Are these the best you got? Unfortunately, October's a terrible time|for tomatoes.
Guess I could always go with canned,|but I hate canned.
If you need any more, Taylor,|I got a nice crop of tomatoes and plenty to go around.
|We could work something out.
Well, that's nice of you to offer.
You're growing them|in that big new greenhouse, right? - Built it with my own two hands.
|- That's very industrious.
Too bad about what's happening|with all that.
Yeah.
What? - Nice cukes, though.
|- Beautiful cukes.
I love cukes in a tricolore salad.
|Adds a nice crunch.
- Too bad about all what, Taylor?|- You know, the greenhouse.
The greenhouse?|What about the greenhouse? - Wait, aren't the cukes three for $1?|- They're two for $1.
- It said 3.
|- Barry, I need a price check on cucumbers.
- Taylor?|- Jackson, please.
This is not the proper forum to discuss|the problem with your greenhouse.
- What problem?|- Barry, if you hear me, yell 10-4.
I'll check the price|on the stupid cucumbers.
Just tell me what's up|with the greenhouse.
Jackson, this is my place of business.
|The unpleasantness with your structure will all be settled|at the next town meeting.
I'm not hearing a 10-4, Barry.
I can't go to the next town meeting.
|I'm watching the baby.
- I'd get a babysitter if I was you.
|-10-4.
You were out smoking again,|weren't you, Barry? - No.
|- Don't lie, I'll smell your breath.
-10-4.
|- I don't like the tone of that 10-4.
I usually like grocery shopping.
|This stripped it of all enjoyment.
I thought you hated grocery shopping|with the guys.
You always bicker.
But that's fun bickering.
That's bickering|we'll look back on in 20 years slap each other on the backs|and say, "What ho, good times.
" So you'll be Dickens characters|in 20 years? You know what I mean.
|I know, I have no right to be bothered by Zach luring women back to the apartment with cheap beer,|because I haven't told him I like him.
I mean, if I had told him I like him|and he was doing that he'd be a creep of the first order.
As it is, he's just exhibiting|basic guy behavior grunt-grunt caveman stuff, which|to be honest, is a bit of the appeal of Zach.
- So, why don't you tell him?|- There's a danger here.
- The roommate thing.
|- The band thing.
Need I mention the rock and roll casualties|from intra-band dating? - I know they're numerous.
|- Not that there's not success stories.
I mean, you've got your Cramps, your|Yo La Tengos, your Kim and Thurstons.
Sonny and Cher, the early years.
Plus, you've got bands|that have survived breakups.
- No Doubt.
|- Wish they hadn't.
X, Supertramp, The White Stripes.
- But in the negative, you have-|- Sonny and Cher, the later years.
Jefferson Airplane, Fleetwood Mac.
I know of two country music stars whose|backup singers shot them in the groin.
Whoa.
That's wicked hate.
- My batteries are dead.
|- Hang on, Lane.
- Your batteries?|- For my headphones.
- When's Dean getting here?|- Calm down, Paris.
We're just gonna watch a movie,|and you're welcome to join us.
Please.
You're 19.
Unless it's "Shoah,"|you two are getting carnal.
- Sorry, you were saying?|- You've got the data.
Now I need insight.
I think you should just tell him.
|This is not going away.
So find the right moment|and see what he says.
And don't mention all|that intra-band dating stuff.
- Just follow your heart.
|- Heart? The girls in Heart|really screwed things up big time.
Hang on.
Hello? - Hey, it's me.
|- Hey, you about on your way? Unfortunately, no.
|I have no way to get there.
- What happened to your car?|- Nothing.
It's just Lindsay needed it.
- Right.
|- I don't know what for.
She just needed it for some reason,|and we're still kind of sharing it.
Right, drag.
I'II look to see|if there's a bus or something.
- That could take hours.
|- Yeah.
- You want to come here?|- To Stars Hollow? How? - Drive.
You got your car.
|- Yeah, I do.
Yeah, no, of course.
- I have a car, and I'll drive to you.
|- Good.
I mean, if you want to.
Definitely.
Yeah, and now|Paris doesn't have to go get batteries.
- What?|- Nothing.
I'll see you in about an hour.
- My place?|- See you there.
Bye.
Sorry.
That's okay.
Listen, I'm going to play you|two Rilo Kiley songs one pre-Jenny Blake breakup, one post.
|Tell me if you hear a quality difference.
The ferocity of attack|is not affected by whether they're in the larval|or nymphal life stage or whether they're|of the one-, two-, or three-host variety.
- I hate this.
Taylor, every year.
|- Yeah, we get it.
Ticks are bad.
Well, maybe people|who are new to our town thus, new to the town meeting,|don't know the hazards of the common tick.
Ticks are bad.
Moving on.
Don't hate the tick messenger.
|Hate the tick.
Now, to continue He's ruined the word "nymphal"|for me forever.
$4 an hour to a babysitter|for a tick lecture? - Don't worry, honey.
He'll get to us.
|- Waste of time.
that's when a tick|clamps onto his host plunges his hypostome into the skin|and feasts on his next blood meal.
You take too much delight in this, Taylor.
Go on, Taylor.
|He's sucking out the blood They feed for extensive periods|and at large volumes up to 500 times their body weight.
This would be|the equivalent of a 150-pound man drinking 9,000 gallons of human blood.
Taylor, please.
We get it.
Let's just vote on whatever it is|you want us to vote on.
- Before I hurl.
|- Yeah.
Fine.
The question before us is: Shall the town|incur the expense of posting signs urging residents to tuck their pants|into their socks during tick season? In favor? Opposed? The measure is defeated by|an irresponsible, devil-may-care majority.
Now we move on to the next item.
The matter of the town "Stars Hollow " vs.
Land ParceI 11423-A.
- Is the parcel holder present?|- If that's me, I'm here.
The parcel holder is present.
Now, said parcel is cited as being in violation of Section 423 Subsection 4C, Subsection 32-B formerly known as Section 424,|Subsection- - Enough!|- Yeah, this is more painful than ticks.
So, the parcel holder requests that|the reading of the citation be waived? Waive it.
Just tell me what the hell's|wrong with my greenhouse.
It's built too close|to the edge of your property.
It's miles away|from the edge of my property.
It's nine and a half feet|from the edge of your property.
Exactly.
According to town codes,|no new structure can come within 10 feet|of the edge of your property.
- That's a technicality.
|- No, that's the law.
And, as town selectman,|it's up to me to see that you abide by it.
Unbelievable! There's a simple solution|if you want to hear it.
- I do, yes.
|- Just move it over six inches.
- You should have just said that before.
|- Perhaps I should have.
Just move the greenhouse over|six inches? That's right.
Good thing I built it on wheels|so I could just scooch it over.
- It's on wheels?|- No, it's not on wheels! Because wheels would have been handy.
I would have to tear it down|to move it over six inches, Taylor.
Too bad you didn't check|with me before you built it.
Could have saved you some heartache.
- Okay, that's not English, hon.
|- Come on, Taylor, this is ridiculous.
This issue is not open for debate.
This is a nice man who is growing|some very nice tomatoes and you just need to oil your knees and go see the wizard,|and get a heart, and drop this.
What is this, Lorelai? Lingering resentment|over the parking space issue? Come on, you rejected it|because I left out my middle name.
How many other Lorelai Gilmores|do you know? - Well, there's your daughter.
|- Okay.
So you know two.
Bet you can't name a third,|unless you knew my grandma.
I think it's about time|to adjourn this meeting.
We're not done with this, Taylor.
- I think we are.
|- Don't bang that gavel.
Your issue is not with me.
I am merely the humble vessel|for the municipal code.
Maybe it's time for a different vessel.
- Where's he going here?|- Not sure.
- A different vessel?|- That's right, a different vessel.
- I'm running.
|- For what? For whatever it is you are.
|What are you again? - Town selectman.
|- I'm running for town selectman.
- Nobody ever runs against Taylor.
|- He's our Papa Doc.
Hon, shouldn't we maybe talk about this? I accept the challenge,|and I look forward to a lively race.
Competition is the whetstone|that sharpens the blade of democracy.
- Meeting adjourned.
|- Whatever you need, friend, I'm with you.
- I need your vote.
|- You got it.
Jackson Belleville.
I'm running|for selectman.
I need your vote.
Jackson Belleville, that's with four "L's".
- I know.
We went to high school together.
|- I still need your vote.
We're gonna need buttons|and balloons and a slogan.
How about something like, I don't know: "Taylor sucks like a tick"? Don't worry.
First blurb.
We'll work it out.
- Hey.
|- Wow, you made good time.
- No traffic.
|- Come on in.
- Your mom got a new plant.
|- Yeah.
- Rory!|- Hi, Clara.
I'm so glad you're back.
|I never liked Lindsay.
- I wouldn't say that to Lindsay.
|- Go.
Dean, was someone at the door? - Rory.
|- Hi, May, how you doing? - Fine, can't complain.
|- Good.
Dean's father's in the basement.
|He says hello.
Hello back.
- I like the ficus.
|- Thank you.
We're done with dinner.
But if you're hungry,|I could scrounge up something to zap.
- I'm fine, thank you.
|- We're going to go upstairs.
All right.
Bye.
- It's your old room.
|- In all its glory.
- Taking up dressmaking?|- Yeah, I am.
Vroom.
I thought they'd gotten rid|of all that stuff by now.
Sorry.
- What?|- It's too loud.
No, it isn't.
Turn it down or I'm going to come over|and do it myself.
- You should really get her some Ramones.
|- I'm sorry about my mom.
This whole thing's been|kind of a surprise to my parents.
I mean, Dad's hardly left the basement.
It's okay.
|It's going to take time for everybody.
- What?|- Turn it back down.
- The college student and the divorcé.
|- Would make a good adult film.
- Dean?|- What, Mom? Just wondering how late|Rory's going to be here.
I don't know exactly.
Because I want to set the alarm|before Dad and I go to bed.
If the front door opens, it'll set it off.
- I'll turn it on when she leaves, Mom.
|- Okay.
It's just that, that will make the alarm|panel in the bedroom chirp.
That wakes us.
Well, Clara's stereo is going|to keep you awake anyways, Mom.
I turned it down.
Just as long as Rory|doesn't stay too late, okay, Dean? - Okay, Mom.
|- Okay.
- We could go to a movie.
|- I'd love that, but it's like 8:30 already.
- I have classes.
|- Right.
- And you're not hungry?|- Not really.
- Want to watch TV?|- Sure.
- It takes a few minutes to warm up.
|- No problem.
So good to meet you,|and see you at the polls.
Aren't you two handy|with a knife and fork.
How are you doing, Sookie? - Thanks.
|- There you go.
Hi, good morning.
Go, Jackson.
When it comes to noise pollution, Jackson|Belleville hears you loud and clear.
That's right.
Thank you so much for your time,|and we'll see you at the polls.
Okay, I think I can make it through the|"G's" before my phone gives out.
- I got mine right here.
|- Great.
Ladies, I offer myself|up to you and your cause.
- What's this?|- I took it upon myself to poll the town.
And I think you're going to be|pretty happy with the results.
- We are?|- Jackson is solidly in the lead.
Already? We just started bugging people.
Well, I modeled my poll|after the Gallup Poll.
The Gallup Poll uses a sample|of 1,005 voters to represent the 280 million people|of the United States.
Using that logic, the correct sampling size|of the town of Stars Hollow would be.
002.
Rounding that up means|one person needs to be polled so I picked me.
You polled yourself? I was right there.
|It seemed like a perfect opportunity.
Okay.
Well, first of all, thank you|for dressing up to talk to yourself.
Secondly, I think you're gonna|need to poll a few more people to get a better sense|of where we really are.
- Okay, I'll see what I can do.
|- Thanks, Kirk.
You did notice that the back of his pants|is shorter than the front? - How does that happen?|- That's Kirk.
It certainly is.
Excuse me, but my customers|aren't getting in the way of your thing here, are they? No, they're fine.
Good, 'cause I can kick them out|or close down for you if you'd like.
That's sweet, but we're good.
So you'll tell me|if my business is in your way? - You'll be the first to know.
|- Lane, great.
Do you think your band|could play at Jackson's rally next week? It's not a lot of cash, but it's|a little something in primetime placement.
- Absolutely.
|- Great.
Jackson picked a song,|so I'll get that info to you.
Cool.
Thanks.
Okay, maybe you were missing|my subtle sarcasm there when I mentioned my customers|being in your way? - No, I didn't miss it at all.
|- Get your war room out of here.
Hey, this is for a good cause.
|Taylor bugs you, too.
Yes, he bugs me.
Okay, then, we're trying to get rid of|your little annoyance.
By becoming my new little annoyance? The night of the rally,|we're going to need a sort of backstage gathering area.
- You cannot gather here.
|- But it's right across from the- - You cannot gather here.
|- Yeah, see, the stage is right over- You cannot gather here.
- Do you like my hair like this?|- Yes, and you cannot gather here.
Wow.
Sleeping with you|is getting me nothing.
All right.
Just gather your crap up,|get it out.
I need the tables.
Quick, give me the baby.
Is he going to sell it? That's it, Davey.
Work it.
Do the clapping.
Very "Manchurian Candidate" of you.
Free ice cream.
Come and get your free ice cream,|compliments of Taylor Doose of Taylor's Old-Fashioned|Soda Shop and Candy Store.
No need to rush, folks.
There's plenty of free,|fresh, handmade ice cream for every single registered voter|in Stars Hollow.
- How dirty.
|- I know.
All he needed was some lying swift boat|captains to complete the ambush.
Now we're going to lose.
No.
He may have the edge,|but we've got the heart.
- Who the hell cares about heart?|- We do, and people will.
We just have to stay focused,|and do this one vote at a time.
Who are you calling? Ben Affleck? Hello, my favorite daughter.
- What do you need?|- I need you to come home.
- Now?|- No, Tuesday.
What's on Tuesday? It's the town selectman elections,|and we're desperate.
Lane's band is playing,|and I'll give you a button.
- I'll be there.
|- Really? Yeah.
You know I'm a sucker|for a good button.
- Thanks, kid.
|- Tell Jackson I'm rooting for him.
- I will.
So, how's school?|- So far, so good.
And how's Paris? Asher left her a 300-pound,|antique printing press which she put in the common room.
- So, same?|- Exactly.
Right, okay.
And, how's Dean? - He's fine.
|- Okay, well, good.
Mom, I have to study.
|I'll see you Tuesday, okay? Okay, see you Tuesday.
Okay, so, Rory's coming back to vote.
So, counting her, you, me,|Jackson and Kirk, that's five.
Why did you say "How's Dean?" like that? - Like what?|- "How's Dean?" - I did say it like that, didn't I?|- Yep.
I don't know.
I think I'm trying so hard to make Rory think I'm totally|cool with the situation that I end up sounding totally|freaked out by the situation.
You're totally cool with the situation? Well, I'm totally on my way|to being totally cool with the situation.
Here, take him.
|He's politically useless to me.
- Sorry.
|- That's okay.
- You sure?|- Yeah.
I'm good.
Just- - Wait.
|- What? - My hair.
|- Okay.
- Is that-|- Yeah, that's good.
- Damn it.
|- Let's just shift here.
- What are you doing?|- I'm just trying to get your seat back.
- I can do that.
|- Okay.
See, good, okay.
So I'll just get like up here,|and then now Ow.
Wait.
Ow.
This isn't working great.
- Sorry.
|- Yeah.
So, what do you want to do? I don't know.
- We could try going to your house or-|- No, my parents are there.
Right.
We could go to Luke's.
He's dating my mom now,|so I get seated right away.
- I don't want to go to Luke's.
|- Okay, then, I'm out.
Your turn.
- Maybe you should just take me home.
|- Okay.
You know, Lane's band is playing|at Jackson's rally and I thought maybe|I'd come back to town to see it.
- Maybe we could go together.
|- No, I don't think so.
Come on, it would be fun.
|At the very least, it could be loud.
No, Rory.
I don't want to go parading|our relationship all over town.
I didn't say- I don't need to rub Lindsay's nose in it|any more than I already have, okay? I wasn't trying to rub|Lindsay's nose in anything.
I was just I'll take you home.
Hello.
- Rory?|- Yep.
- Did I know you were coming home?|- Nope.
That's a nice face.
I'm tired.
I didn't feel like driving|all the way back to school tonight.
I have to deal with James Joyce|first thing in the morning.
Is that okay? The crashing|or the dealing with James Joyce? - Crashing.
|- Absolutely, crash away.
- Need a helmet?|- Just a pillow.
So, just curious what brings you to this neck|of the woods this fine evening? Dean had to give Lindsay the car tonight.
- So I came here to see him.
|- You're a good girlfriend.
Well, it just made sense.
|I mean, I have a car.
- And classes first thing in the morning.
|- What? What did you say? I said, "Who wants Pop-Tarts?" Oh, my God! Come on.
|How long is this taking you? You do not harass the voters.
|This is not Florida.
I just voted for my husband.
|Give me that sticker.
When I married him, I never thought|that someday he'd go into politics.
Of course, his winning|the line dance championship was also a bit of a shocker,|so what the hell do I know? Gee, I wonder who I just voted for.
This is a wonderful night.
Thank you.
Sookie, I just want to say good luck|and may the best man win.
Yeah.
You, too, Taylor.
You know what?|This has been fun, even if we lose.
- We're not going to lose.
|- Even if we do, I'm still glad we did it.
We're not going to lose.
|What's up with you? You taking off? I'm gonna hang out and see Lane's band,|then I'm gonna go.
And I'm gonna make stew for Jackson.
When he loses, he'll get stew.
|He likes stew.
- He's not gonna lose.
|- Okay.
But if he does.
Then he'll get stew.
This is the day the music died.
- Seals & Crofts rock harder than this.
|- My mom likes this song.
It's the song Jackson picked, guys.
|We have to play it.
And then leave town immediately because there's no way we can|ever show our faces around here again.
We could wear masks.
|Then they wouldn't know it was us.
- Dude, they wreak havoc with your hair.
|- And where'll we get them? My parents have a collection of wooden|tiki masks they picked up on trips.
They're pretty cool.
|We'd have to peel the price tags off.
- I'm not wearing smelly wood on my face.
|- Well, then you come up with something.
I say we walk,|because otherwise we're selling out.
We're already backstage.
|People will see us.
- Not if we wear tiki masks.
|- It's worth it to keep our street cred.
Look, Zach, it's for a good cause and if, for one night,|we have to give up our cool and not have girls jiggling up and down wanting to come back to our place|for sucker beer, then so be it.
Whoa, Prohibition Sally.
Part of the point of all this|is appealing to chicks.
- For you, not for us.
|- No, for me, too.
- That's how I met my wife.
|- Well, then not for me.
- Well, you're a chick.
|- Right, so I should know.
I don't even know what|you're talking about anymore.
- We can't cancel the gig.
|- Then what do we do? We do what we do.
We make rock and roll.
Hendrix rocked Woodstock|with "The Star-Spangled Banner.
" - That's true.
|- No one saw it coming.
It's a classic now.
|He turned it into an anthem.
It's "The Star-Spangled Banner.
"|It was kind of already an anthem.
Thanks to Hendrix.
- I'm confused.
|- So am I.
- Are we walking or what?|- We're not walking.
Okay, I got to get out of here.
|I'm going upstairs.
I put out the coffee,|I locked the storeroom and the fridge.
Do not let anyone break anything|or steal anything and lock up when you're done.
You really don't want to wait|for the results? - I'm just afraid I'll get too emotional.
|- Good night.
- You want some more coffee?|- Bye, hon.
- How you doing, honey?|- I'm fine.
He's nervous.
- I can tell.
His neck goes away.
|- I'm not nervous.
I'm fine.
Where are they?|There you are.
You won't believe it.
- Big news.
|- Kirk, sit down.
Can't, these aren't my pants.
I have the results of my latest poll.
I talked to every single person in town|and unanimously they're all voting for Jackson.
- What?|- Are you sure? I am sure.
I talked to|everyone except Taylor but I assumed he was voting for himself,|and they all told me the same thing.
We're going to win? I'm gonna be|the first Town Selectman Lady.
I can't believe it.
Kirk, you're sure about this?|Every single person? Every person except Taylor,|and even that's not a lock 'cause hatred for Taylor runs very deep.
The rally started.
Come on.
|I'm so excited! I don't have to make stew! Lane.
- You're here!|- I'm your groupie.
But don't get any ideas.
I'm saving|experimentation for my junior year.
- I love you.
|- If you need someone to stage dive - just give me a signal.
|- You got it.
- Hello, Stars Hollow!|- Hello! Okay, so the man of the hour,|Jackson Belleville- That's nice, okay.
Well, he's getting ready to come|out here and talk to you but before he does I wanted to take the|opportunity to say thanks.
Wow! Again, wow! Okay, so thanks for all of the support|and the nice thoughts.
This is a great place to live and I wouldn't want to live|anyplace else in the world.
And now let's get this party started.
|I've got a reaI treat for you tonight.
Right here, live on-stage playing one of Jackson's|favorite songs of all time put your hands together,|and let's build the roof for Hep Alien! One, two, three, four.
It's different live, I guess.
- I just saw Taylor in the soda shop.
|- Yeah? - Yeah, I think he knows.
|- Knows what? - Knows that he's gonna lose.
|- Really? He was sitting there all alone, in the dark,|downing spray whipped cream.
- He looked devastated.
|- Yay! - I know, yay, but it's kind of sad, isn't it?|- Why? He deserves it.
I know, but no votes, none?|That's humiliating.
- That's swept-away kind of humiliating.
|- Yeah, you're right, too bad.
You're still yaying|in your head, aren't you? - In 5.
1 surround.
|- I'll be back in a minute.
Andrew, great, hi.
Looks like it's going to be a landslide|for Jackson.
Every single person I know|is voting for him.
- You must be really happy.
|- Yes, I am.
- Could you vote for Taylor?|- What? Jackson's still gonna win.
|It's hard to explain.
It involves spray cream.
|Just trust me.
Great.
Thanks.
- Anna, hi!|- Hi, Lorelai.
Big night, huh? Yeah, real big.
Could you vote for Taylor? Well, that was peppy.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,|what you've all been waiting for the man of the hour the next town selectman of Stars Hollow Jackson Belleville.
Well, jeez, that was quite a welcome.
Thank you all for coming and supporting me in this thing here.
As I stand on this stage,|looking at you all I can't help but think I have a job.
I have a life.
I don't have time to be selectman.
I have a business, I have a kid.
And Sookie and I are trying|to have another one and the doctor has us on this schedule|and it's not flexible.
And what was I thinking? What the hell am I doing here?|I don't want to be selectman.
- An honest man!|- Finally! We're behind you all the way, Jackson! Jackson! Oh, man, I am flying.
- I mean it.
I am two, three feet in the air.
|- It was tight, it was tight.
That's the right term to throw in|at this point, right? You know, no one plays guitar like you,|Zach.
Totally.
It was more than just the gift, sweetheart.
- It was the material.
|- We found our sound.
Cheese works, this is a turning point.
|We have to go for it.
- You are gonna be so famous.
|- Will you remember us when you're huge? Nope.
- You're awful.
|- I'm awful, too.
- Okay, who needs refills?|- I do.
- Me, too.
|- I'm good.
- Grab us a couple beers, would you?|- Okay.
What are you doing in here?|Come and join the party.
I like you, Zach.
I like you as more than a bandmate|and more than a friend.
I like you.
I have liked you|for some time now and I don't think this feeling|is going to go away.
I just thought you should know.
|Here's your beer.
I gotta get some air.
I have Ken Burns' "Jazz" on DVD|if you're into that kind of thing.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
I didn't know you were coming.
- I'm so sorry.
|- It's okay.
This whole situation's turning out to be|a lot harder than I thought.
Not you.
Just Lindsay and|moving back home and my parents.
- I'm not handling it as well as I should be.
|- It's a lot, Dean.
You're doing fine.
I didn't want to yell at you like that.
I worked out the car thing.
|That's not gonna be an issue anymore.
I hope.
And I had a little talk with my mom,|so I think things are gonna be better now.
Okay.
- I'm sorry.
|- It's good.
Don't worry about it.
- Dean, can I ask you something?|- Sure.
- You won't get mad?|- No, I promise.
If Lindsay hadn't found that letter would you Were you going - Would you still have left her?|- Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Okay.
Good.
Everybody, may I have your attention?|The results are in.
Jackson, come on out here.
Okay.
The votes for town selectman|are as follows.
Well, we have a new town selectman,|ladies and gentleman.
Jackson, would you like to say a few|words to your constituency? - No.
|- I would.
Friends and townspeople today in Stars Hollow,|democracy has spoken.
The will of the people has prevailed|and new leadership has been instated.
Your vote has counted.
Free elections are a wonderfuI thing.
A thing to be admired and cherished.
Here in America, we have something else|that is to be admired and cherished it's called a recall election.
I look forward to this|other aspect of democracy which I believe will happen any day now when sanity and reason|have been restored to Stars Hollow.
So in closing, friends,|believe me when I tell you you will have Taylor Doose|to kick around again.
Thank you and God bless.
Jackson, now that we're done|with the sidewalk issue I would like to talk to you about the|permit for expanding my dance studio to include a Tae-Bo room.
I have the pictures|of the hedges right here.
They're at least a foot above|where they're supposed to be and Ruby won't cut them down.
If you need someone in charge|of homeland security I am your man.
I have this great idea for you- The sun sets five minutes earlier for me|'cause her hedges are in the way.
Grabbed us a little victory champagne,|and I thought - You were asleep.
|- No.
- I was just, doing some bills and things.
|- Doing bills? - Yeah.
|- In the dark? Trying to conserve.
So, when you went up earlier,|you were going to bed.
You go to bed early.
Which makes sense|because you get up early.
- And now I got it.
|- It's no big deal.
Just come on in, we'll - No, I can hold on to this till later.
|- Yeah? Yeah.
Good night.
Goes to bed early, I got to remember that.
- Only on some nights.
|- Don't you also hate champagne? - Kind of.
|- Yeah.
I'm learning.
English
|- Hey, you're cooking.
Yep, I'm making the works.
Even threw a couple blintzes|in there to confuse you.
- Wow, where did all this come from?|- What? The food, the pans, the bowls,|the spatula? Food's from Doose's, pans and bowls|you had, and the spatula's mine.
- You travel with a spatula?|- Sometimes.
You've actually found yourself|in scraping and flipping situations without the trusty spatula before? The coffee should be ready in a minute.
Smells good.
- Hey, Luke?|- Yep.
You cooking this is so sweet.
But? I just figured, you know,|we'd go to Luke's for breakfast.
- Why?|- Because I like Luke's breakfast.
- I am Luke.
|- I know.
- This is the same stuff I make at the diner.
|- I know.
So what's the difference? The difference is that while you are Luke,|we're not at Luke's.
- So?|- Well, I have my things, you know.
I have certain things,|and one of my things is going to Luke's.
And just because|I now have "Dating Luke" doesn't mean I want to lose|my "Cooking Luke.
" But I am cooking, and I am Luke.
Look, it's like Tommy Lee having|a Starbucks at his house.
- What?|- On the surface, it sounds great.
But half the reason you go|to a Starbucks is to go to a Starbucks you know, to go out and see the people.
- Tommy Lee has a Starbucks in his house?|"- Cribs," baby, watch it.
Like a whole Starbucks,|with workers and everything? The point is that|while some things have changed and that's great I don't want everything|to change completely.
- Okay, I'll see you at Luke's.
|- I'll see you at Luke's.
Hello? CulturaI Disenfranchisement with|"Women's Role Models," do you have it? Oh, God! I hope not.
The book for the class|that I'm officially late to.
- What are you looking for?|- A big boring book.
- Who is that?|- It's Luke.
- Who's that?|- It's Rory.
Luke? It's pretty early in the morning|for Luke to be there unless, perhaps, he woke up there.
- He did.
|- He did what? Are you talking about me? - Man, that's weird.
|- What's weird? - Who's weird? I'm weird?|- The thought of Luke running around naked|in my kitchen.
It's weird.
Luke is not running around naked|in your kitchen.
He is sitting at the table,|and, yes, he's naked.
Don't do that.
Don't tell her I'm naked.
|I'm not naked.
- I'm not naked.
|- He sounds naked.
Well, the chairs are cold.
|He actually tried to make me breakfast.
- Really?|- Yeah, naked.
- Okay, that's it, I'm gone.
|- No, sorry, don't, no.
Rory, Luke is fully dressed.
|He never came in the house.
He just stood outside all night|playing "In Your Eyes" on a boom box.
I have to go.
But if you find the book,|bring it to Friday night dinner, okay? - You got it.
|- Go back to your dirtiness.
Come here.
Thanks a lot.
I photographed it before you moved it,|so if there's any damage you'll be hearing from my lawyer.
- Hi.
|- Hi, introduce me to your friend.
This is a Blaeu printing press,|18th century.
- And it's here because?|- It's Asher's.
He left it to me.
|It's beautiful, don't you think? Yeah, I think it goes great|with the entire width of the room.
I know.
It's a little cumbersome.
|But we don't have to leave it right here.
We could move|it about six inches in any direction.
Paris, we can't just leave it here.
- I have nowhere else to put it.
|- But- And you have to think of the benefits|of having it here.
- Like?|- No one else will have one which means it's unique,|which makes us unique.
Kids our age do crazy things|to make themselves unique piercings, blue hair, kaballah.
|It will be a great conversation piece.
- We'll be the talk of Branford.
|- I believe we will.
We can print our own newsletter,|if you'd like.
"- The Eccentric Gazette.
" I love it.
|- It's from Asher.
Just try it for a while.
I promise, if it gets in the way,|we'll get rid of it.
Paris, it's on my book bag.
I'm late for class, and you put|a printing press on my book bag? Sorry.
It's from my dead boyfriend, okay? I apologize|if my grief is inconveniencing you.
Maybe I'll just put myself on an iceberg|and float myself out to sea so that no one will have|to deal with my suffering.
Well, just get that thing off my bag|before you go.
This is outrageous,|and he will call me back.
And it had better be in a timely manner,|or I will come down there and introduce myself,|and, oh, the fun we'll have.
- Hate this chair.
|- What's the matter, honey? Justin and Cameron having trouble again? I just got off the phone with|the very promising young man working as Taylor's assistant,|to try and talk to the man about this.
No.
He rejected it again? I believe that is what|the bright red letters say.
We only need two lousy parking spaces.
|What is his problem? The list is long.
- This is the third time, Michel.
|- I know.
The third time that bus-and-truck-tour|Mussolini has rejected our permit.
- And I was there for every show.
|- What is "Rejection Code M"? "Applicant's name does not match name|listed on articles of incorporation.
" Is he serious? Apparently, you did not put|your middle name on this application.
However, you did put your middle name|on the articles of incorporation so the names don't match,|and Taylor has no idea who you are.
I'm the person whose foot is going to|prevent him from sitting down.
That's who I am.
You always promise to hurt him,|but then you don't.
- You're a Taylor tease.
|- I'm getting coffee.
- Perfect timing!|- Sookie, I really need some coffee.
- First this.
|- But it's right over there, and - Okay, what am I looking at?|- Jackson's tomatoes.
Here we go.
Where are you going? - I was just going to get a little-|- Eat this.
Isn't that the greatest tomato|you've ever eaten? - It's good.
|- Good? - It's great.
|- Great? All I wanted was a cup of coffee.
|Thank you.
Sorry, Jackson, this is one rocking tomato.
This is the first batch grown in|my brand-new, hydroponic greenhouse.
- Jackson designed it himself.
|- Built most of it myself, too.
You know what this means.
The best tomatoes on the East Coast|and in October.
- October!|- It sure ain't November.
This means year-round vegetables.
I'm never going to be a slave|to Mother Nature ever again.
- If I want to make it|- Then I'm gonna grow it.
You two really found each other,|didn't you? - Do you want another piece of tomato?|- Do I? Boys, leave us, please.
Ben Franklin was out of his mind.
So, come on in.
- Dean, you remember Paris.
|- Yes, I do.
- How you doing, Paris?|- I'm fine.
What's that? That's a printing press.
Haven't you heard? - Texts are out, movable type is in.
|- I've heard that.
So, my room's in there.
- Nice to see you again, Paris.
|- Right back at you.
- You're back with farmer boy? What gives?|- Paris.
- I thought he was married.
|- He was, now he's not.
Well, Hoss returns.
|Who would have thunk? I'm going in my room now.
- Just hold on.
We have to figure this out.
|- Figure what out? You're going to be bringing boys|home now.
We need a system.
I'm not bringing boys home.
|I'm bringing boy home.
- That boy, that's it.
|- I assume you're having sex.
- Paris.
|- You're having sex.
Well, luckily I just bought|some noise-reducing headphones - so that'll help.
|- Oh, boy.
If I put the headphones on, and|then stuff some towels under the door that should do the trick.
If you've got extra towels to stuff,|I got a location suggestion.
- How loud are you?|- Paris, stop.
Look, I don't care.
I just need the|information to formulate a good plan.
I mean, you look all small and squeaky,|but sometimes it's exactly the bunny-looking girls|who can blow the roof off the barn.
I know, just give me|a three-minute warning.
I'm walking away now.
That way, I have time to put everything|in place, put headphones on, etcetera.
- Bye.
|- Is he going to be coming over a lot? Probably, right? Because he's|at his peak now and it's probably one of the only things|he's good at.
So- - Three-minute warning.
|- Right.
- Bread.
|- That's $1.
10, so we're at $17.
33.
- And jam.
|- Generic.
- Yes, Mom.
|- $1.
40, so we're at $18.
73.
Yo, John Nash, enough with the numbers.
I'm just keeping track,|so we don't go over.
It's too much pressure.
I can't think.
If we used coupons,|it would stretch our money.
Dude, the only thing more un-rock and roll|than coupons is that shirt you're wearing.
I've asked you about this shirt.
|You never said anything.
- We're not using coupons.
|- Get enough brewskis there, buddy? Don't worry,|I'm using my own money for this.
- Okay, just|- Just what? I'm not sure why|you need all that beer, that's all.
We've got gigs coming up, and I've kind of|learned through experience that if you say to people, "Hey,|wanna come back for some beers?" and you don't have beer,|they get pissed and leave.
- People.
|- Right.
- Meaning girls.
|- I would prefer it be girls.
Good, okay.
Well, stock up, then, Hef.
|Get some extra for Jimmy Caan.
Guys, how you doing? Great! Hope you're not here for beer,|'cause I think we're buying it all up.
- I'm just here for diapers.
|- Any of your girlfriends need diapers? - What is your problem?|- Problem? No problem.
- Milk.
|- Lane, that was a real brand.
That makes $27, $28, $29, $30,|and $10 makes $40 and here, take a balloon for the little miss.
Election's on Tuesday.
- Morning, Maggie.
How's the family?|- A pain in my rear.
Don't say I said that.
- Morning, Jackson.
|- Hi, Taylor.
Are these the best you got? Unfortunately, October's a terrible time|for tomatoes.
Guess I could always go with canned,|but I hate canned.
If you need any more, Taylor,|I got a nice crop of tomatoes and plenty to go around.
|We could work something out.
Well, that's nice of you to offer.
You're growing them|in that big new greenhouse, right? - Built it with my own two hands.
|- That's very industrious.
Too bad about what's happening|with all that.
Yeah.
What? - Nice cukes, though.
|- Beautiful cukes.
I love cukes in a tricolore salad.
|Adds a nice crunch.
- Too bad about all what, Taylor?|- You know, the greenhouse.
The greenhouse?|What about the greenhouse? - Wait, aren't the cukes three for $1?|- They're two for $1.
- It said 3.
|- Barry, I need a price check on cucumbers.
- Taylor?|- Jackson, please.
This is not the proper forum to discuss|the problem with your greenhouse.
- What problem?|- Barry, if you hear me, yell 10-4.
I'll check the price|on the stupid cucumbers.
Just tell me what's up|with the greenhouse.
Jackson, this is my place of business.
|The unpleasantness with your structure will all be settled|at the next town meeting.
I'm not hearing a 10-4, Barry.
I can't go to the next town meeting.
|I'm watching the baby.
- I'd get a babysitter if I was you.
|-10-4.
You were out smoking again,|weren't you, Barry? - No.
|- Don't lie, I'll smell your breath.
-10-4.
|- I don't like the tone of that 10-4.
I usually like grocery shopping.
|This stripped it of all enjoyment.
I thought you hated grocery shopping|with the guys.
You always bicker.
But that's fun bickering.
That's bickering|we'll look back on in 20 years slap each other on the backs|and say, "What ho, good times.
" So you'll be Dickens characters|in 20 years? You know what I mean.
|I know, I have no right to be bothered by Zach luring women back to the apartment with cheap beer,|because I haven't told him I like him.
I mean, if I had told him I like him|and he was doing that he'd be a creep of the first order.
As it is, he's just exhibiting|basic guy behavior grunt-grunt caveman stuff, which|to be honest, is a bit of the appeal of Zach.
- So, why don't you tell him?|- There's a danger here.
- The roommate thing.
|- The band thing.
Need I mention the rock and roll casualties|from intra-band dating? - I know they're numerous.
|- Not that there's not success stories.
I mean, you've got your Cramps, your|Yo La Tengos, your Kim and Thurstons.
Sonny and Cher, the early years.
Plus, you've got bands|that have survived breakups.
- No Doubt.
|- Wish they hadn't.
X, Supertramp, The White Stripes.
- But in the negative, you have-|- Sonny and Cher, the later years.
Jefferson Airplane, Fleetwood Mac.
I know of two country music stars whose|backup singers shot them in the groin.
Whoa.
That's wicked hate.
- My batteries are dead.
|- Hang on, Lane.
- Your batteries?|- For my headphones.
- When's Dean getting here?|- Calm down, Paris.
We're just gonna watch a movie,|and you're welcome to join us.
Please.
You're 19.
Unless it's "Shoah,"|you two are getting carnal.
- Sorry, you were saying?|- You've got the data.
Now I need insight.
I think you should just tell him.
|This is not going away.
So find the right moment|and see what he says.
And don't mention all|that intra-band dating stuff.
- Just follow your heart.
|- Heart? The girls in Heart|really screwed things up big time.
Hang on.
Hello? - Hey, it's me.
|- Hey, you about on your way? Unfortunately, no.
|I have no way to get there.
- What happened to your car?|- Nothing.
It's just Lindsay needed it.
- Right.
|- I don't know what for.
She just needed it for some reason,|and we're still kind of sharing it.
Right, drag.
I'II look to see|if there's a bus or something.
- That could take hours.
|- Yeah.
- You want to come here?|- To Stars Hollow? How? - Drive.
You got your car.
|- Yeah, I do.
Yeah, no, of course.
- I have a car, and I'll drive to you.
|- Good.
I mean, if you want to.
Definitely.
Yeah, and now|Paris doesn't have to go get batteries.
- What?|- Nothing.
I'll see you in about an hour.
- My place?|- See you there.
Bye.
Sorry.
That's okay.
Listen, I'm going to play you|two Rilo Kiley songs one pre-Jenny Blake breakup, one post.
|Tell me if you hear a quality difference.
The ferocity of attack|is not affected by whether they're in the larval|or nymphal life stage or whether they're|of the one-, two-, or three-host variety.
- I hate this.
Taylor, every year.
|- Yeah, we get it.
Ticks are bad.
Well, maybe people|who are new to our town thus, new to the town meeting,|don't know the hazards of the common tick.
Ticks are bad.
Moving on.
Don't hate the tick messenger.
|Hate the tick.
Now, to continue He's ruined the word "nymphal"|for me forever.
$4 an hour to a babysitter|for a tick lecture? - Don't worry, honey.
He'll get to us.
|- Waste of time.
that's when a tick|clamps onto his host plunges his hypostome into the skin|and feasts on his next blood meal.
You take too much delight in this, Taylor.
Go on, Taylor.
|He's sucking out the blood They feed for extensive periods|and at large volumes up to 500 times their body weight.
This would be|the equivalent of a 150-pound man drinking 9,000 gallons of human blood.
Taylor, please.
We get it.
Let's just vote on whatever it is|you want us to vote on.
- Before I hurl.
|- Yeah.
Fine.
The question before us is: Shall the town|incur the expense of posting signs urging residents to tuck their pants|into their socks during tick season? In favor? Opposed? The measure is defeated by|an irresponsible, devil-may-care majority.
Now we move on to the next item.
The matter of the town "Stars Hollow " vs.
Land ParceI 11423-A.
- Is the parcel holder present?|- If that's me, I'm here.
The parcel holder is present.
Now, said parcel is cited as being in violation of Section 423 Subsection 4C, Subsection 32-B formerly known as Section 424,|Subsection- - Enough!|- Yeah, this is more painful than ticks.
So, the parcel holder requests that|the reading of the citation be waived? Waive it.
Just tell me what the hell's|wrong with my greenhouse.
It's built too close|to the edge of your property.
It's miles away|from the edge of my property.
It's nine and a half feet|from the edge of your property.
Exactly.
According to town codes,|no new structure can come within 10 feet|of the edge of your property.
- That's a technicality.
|- No, that's the law.
And, as town selectman,|it's up to me to see that you abide by it.
Unbelievable! There's a simple solution|if you want to hear it.
- I do, yes.
|- Just move it over six inches.
- You should have just said that before.
|- Perhaps I should have.
Just move the greenhouse over|six inches? That's right.
Good thing I built it on wheels|so I could just scooch it over.
- It's on wheels?|- No, it's not on wheels! Because wheels would have been handy.
I would have to tear it down|to move it over six inches, Taylor.
Too bad you didn't check|with me before you built it.
Could have saved you some heartache.
- Okay, that's not English, hon.
|- Come on, Taylor, this is ridiculous.
This issue is not open for debate.
This is a nice man who is growing|some very nice tomatoes and you just need to oil your knees and go see the wizard,|and get a heart, and drop this.
What is this, Lorelai? Lingering resentment|over the parking space issue? Come on, you rejected it|because I left out my middle name.
How many other Lorelai Gilmores|do you know? - Well, there's your daughter.
|- Okay.
So you know two.
Bet you can't name a third,|unless you knew my grandma.
I think it's about time|to adjourn this meeting.
We're not done with this, Taylor.
- I think we are.
|- Don't bang that gavel.
Your issue is not with me.
I am merely the humble vessel|for the municipal code.
Maybe it's time for a different vessel.
- Where's he going here?|- Not sure.
- A different vessel?|- That's right, a different vessel.
- I'm running.
|- For what? For whatever it is you are.
|What are you again? - Town selectman.
|- I'm running for town selectman.
- Nobody ever runs against Taylor.
|- He's our Papa Doc.
Hon, shouldn't we maybe talk about this? I accept the challenge,|and I look forward to a lively race.
Competition is the whetstone|that sharpens the blade of democracy.
- Meeting adjourned.
|- Whatever you need, friend, I'm with you.
- I need your vote.
|- You got it.
Jackson Belleville.
I'm running|for selectman.
I need your vote.
Jackson Belleville, that's with four "L's".
- I know.
We went to high school together.
|- I still need your vote.
We're gonna need buttons|and balloons and a slogan.
How about something like, I don't know: "Taylor sucks like a tick"? Don't worry.
First blurb.
We'll work it out.
- Hey.
|- Wow, you made good time.
- No traffic.
|- Come on in.
- Your mom got a new plant.
|- Yeah.
- Rory!|- Hi, Clara.
I'm so glad you're back.
|I never liked Lindsay.
- I wouldn't say that to Lindsay.
|- Go.
Dean, was someone at the door? - Rory.
|- Hi, May, how you doing? - Fine, can't complain.
|- Good.
Dean's father's in the basement.
|He says hello.
Hello back.
- I like the ficus.
|- Thank you.
We're done with dinner.
But if you're hungry,|I could scrounge up something to zap.
- I'm fine, thank you.
|- We're going to go upstairs.
All right.
Bye.
- It's your old room.
|- In all its glory.
- Taking up dressmaking?|- Yeah, I am.
Vroom.
I thought they'd gotten rid|of all that stuff by now.
Sorry.
- What?|- It's too loud.
No, it isn't.
Turn it down or I'm going to come over|and do it myself.
- You should really get her some Ramones.
|- I'm sorry about my mom.
This whole thing's been|kind of a surprise to my parents.
I mean, Dad's hardly left the basement.
It's okay.
|It's going to take time for everybody.
- What?|- Turn it back down.
- The college student and the divorcé.
|- Would make a good adult film.
- Dean?|- What, Mom? Just wondering how late|Rory's going to be here.
I don't know exactly.
Because I want to set the alarm|before Dad and I go to bed.
If the front door opens, it'll set it off.
- I'll turn it on when she leaves, Mom.
|- Okay.
It's just that, that will make the alarm|panel in the bedroom chirp.
That wakes us.
Well, Clara's stereo is going|to keep you awake anyways, Mom.
I turned it down.
Just as long as Rory|doesn't stay too late, okay, Dean? - Okay, Mom.
|- Okay.
- We could go to a movie.
|- I'd love that, but it's like 8:30 already.
- I have classes.
|- Right.
- And you're not hungry?|- Not really.
- Want to watch TV?|- Sure.
- It takes a few minutes to warm up.
|- No problem.
So good to meet you,|and see you at the polls.
Aren't you two handy|with a knife and fork.
How are you doing, Sookie? - Thanks.
|- There you go.
Hi, good morning.
Go, Jackson.
When it comes to noise pollution, Jackson|Belleville hears you loud and clear.
That's right.
Thank you so much for your time,|and we'll see you at the polls.
Okay, I think I can make it through the|"G's" before my phone gives out.
- I got mine right here.
|- Great.
Ladies, I offer myself|up to you and your cause.
- What's this?|- I took it upon myself to poll the town.
And I think you're going to be|pretty happy with the results.
- We are?|- Jackson is solidly in the lead.
Already? We just started bugging people.
Well, I modeled my poll|after the Gallup Poll.
The Gallup Poll uses a sample|of 1,005 voters to represent the 280 million people|of the United States.
Using that logic, the correct sampling size|of the town of Stars Hollow would be.
002.
Rounding that up means|one person needs to be polled so I picked me.
You polled yourself? I was right there.
|It seemed like a perfect opportunity.
Okay.
Well, first of all, thank you|for dressing up to talk to yourself.
Secondly, I think you're gonna|need to poll a few more people to get a better sense|of where we really are.
- Okay, I'll see what I can do.
|- Thanks, Kirk.
You did notice that the back of his pants|is shorter than the front? - How does that happen?|- That's Kirk.
It certainly is.
Excuse me, but my customers|aren't getting in the way of your thing here, are they? No, they're fine.
Good, 'cause I can kick them out|or close down for you if you'd like.
That's sweet, but we're good.
So you'll tell me|if my business is in your way? - You'll be the first to know.
|- Lane, great.
Do you think your band|could play at Jackson's rally next week? It's not a lot of cash, but it's|a little something in primetime placement.
- Absolutely.
|- Great.
Jackson picked a song,|so I'll get that info to you.
Cool.
Thanks.
Okay, maybe you were missing|my subtle sarcasm there when I mentioned my customers|being in your way? - No, I didn't miss it at all.
|- Get your war room out of here.
Hey, this is for a good cause.
|Taylor bugs you, too.
Yes, he bugs me.
Okay, then, we're trying to get rid of|your little annoyance.
By becoming my new little annoyance? The night of the rally,|we're going to need a sort of backstage gathering area.
- You cannot gather here.
|- But it's right across from the- - You cannot gather here.
|- Yeah, see, the stage is right over- You cannot gather here.
- Do you like my hair like this?|- Yes, and you cannot gather here.
Wow.
Sleeping with you|is getting me nothing.
All right.
Just gather your crap up,|get it out.
I need the tables.
Quick, give me the baby.
Is he going to sell it? That's it, Davey.
Work it.
Do the clapping.
Very "Manchurian Candidate" of you.
Free ice cream.
Come and get your free ice cream,|compliments of Taylor Doose of Taylor's Old-Fashioned|Soda Shop and Candy Store.
No need to rush, folks.
There's plenty of free,|fresh, handmade ice cream for every single registered voter|in Stars Hollow.
- How dirty.
|- I know.
All he needed was some lying swift boat|captains to complete the ambush.
Now we're going to lose.
No.
He may have the edge,|but we've got the heart.
- Who the hell cares about heart?|- We do, and people will.
We just have to stay focused,|and do this one vote at a time.
Who are you calling? Ben Affleck? Hello, my favorite daughter.
- What do you need?|- I need you to come home.
- Now?|- No, Tuesday.
What's on Tuesday? It's the town selectman elections,|and we're desperate.
Lane's band is playing,|and I'll give you a button.
- I'll be there.
|- Really? Yeah.
You know I'm a sucker|for a good button.
- Thanks, kid.
|- Tell Jackson I'm rooting for him.
- I will.
So, how's school?|- So far, so good.
And how's Paris? Asher left her a 300-pound,|antique printing press which she put in the common room.
- So, same?|- Exactly.
Right, okay.
And, how's Dean? - He's fine.
|- Okay, well, good.
Mom, I have to study.
|I'll see you Tuesday, okay? Okay, see you Tuesday.
Okay, so, Rory's coming back to vote.
So, counting her, you, me,|Jackson and Kirk, that's five.
Why did you say "How's Dean?" like that? - Like what?|- "How's Dean?" - I did say it like that, didn't I?|- Yep.
I don't know.
I think I'm trying so hard to make Rory think I'm totally|cool with the situation that I end up sounding totally|freaked out by the situation.
You're totally cool with the situation? Well, I'm totally on my way|to being totally cool with the situation.
Here, take him.
|He's politically useless to me.
- Sorry.
|- That's okay.
- You sure?|- Yeah.
I'm good.
Just- - Wait.
|- What? - My hair.
|- Okay.
- Is that-|- Yeah, that's good.
- Damn it.
|- Let's just shift here.
- What are you doing?|- I'm just trying to get your seat back.
- I can do that.
|- Okay.
See, good, okay.
So I'll just get like up here,|and then now Ow.
Wait.
Ow.
This isn't working great.
- Sorry.
|- Yeah.
So, what do you want to do? I don't know.
- We could try going to your house or-|- No, my parents are there.
Right.
We could go to Luke's.
He's dating my mom now,|so I get seated right away.
- I don't want to go to Luke's.
|- Okay, then, I'm out.
Your turn.
- Maybe you should just take me home.
|- Okay.
You know, Lane's band is playing|at Jackson's rally and I thought maybe|I'd come back to town to see it.
- Maybe we could go together.
|- No, I don't think so.
Come on, it would be fun.
|At the very least, it could be loud.
No, Rory.
I don't want to go parading|our relationship all over town.
I didn't say- I don't need to rub Lindsay's nose in it|any more than I already have, okay? I wasn't trying to rub|Lindsay's nose in anything.
I was just I'll take you home.
Hello.
- Rory?|- Yep.
- Did I know you were coming home?|- Nope.
That's a nice face.
I'm tired.
I didn't feel like driving|all the way back to school tonight.
I have to deal with James Joyce|first thing in the morning.
Is that okay? The crashing|or the dealing with James Joyce? - Crashing.
|- Absolutely, crash away.
- Need a helmet?|- Just a pillow.
So, just curious what brings you to this neck|of the woods this fine evening? Dean had to give Lindsay the car tonight.
- So I came here to see him.
|- You're a good girlfriend.
Well, it just made sense.
|I mean, I have a car.
- And classes first thing in the morning.
|- What? What did you say? I said, "Who wants Pop-Tarts?" Oh, my God! Come on.
|How long is this taking you? You do not harass the voters.
|This is not Florida.
I just voted for my husband.
|Give me that sticker.
When I married him, I never thought|that someday he'd go into politics.
Of course, his winning|the line dance championship was also a bit of a shocker,|so what the hell do I know? Gee, I wonder who I just voted for.
This is a wonderful night.
Thank you.
Sookie, I just want to say good luck|and may the best man win.
Yeah.
You, too, Taylor.
You know what?|This has been fun, even if we lose.
- We're not going to lose.
|- Even if we do, I'm still glad we did it.
We're not going to lose.
|What's up with you? You taking off? I'm gonna hang out and see Lane's band,|then I'm gonna go.
And I'm gonna make stew for Jackson.
When he loses, he'll get stew.
|He likes stew.
- He's not gonna lose.
|- Okay.
But if he does.
Then he'll get stew.
This is the day the music died.
- Seals & Crofts rock harder than this.
|- My mom likes this song.
It's the song Jackson picked, guys.
|We have to play it.
And then leave town immediately because there's no way we can|ever show our faces around here again.
We could wear masks.
|Then they wouldn't know it was us.
- Dude, they wreak havoc with your hair.
|- And where'll we get them? My parents have a collection of wooden|tiki masks they picked up on trips.
They're pretty cool.
|We'd have to peel the price tags off.
- I'm not wearing smelly wood on my face.
|- Well, then you come up with something.
I say we walk,|because otherwise we're selling out.
We're already backstage.
|People will see us.
- Not if we wear tiki masks.
|- It's worth it to keep our street cred.
Look, Zach, it's for a good cause and if, for one night,|we have to give up our cool and not have girls jiggling up and down wanting to come back to our place|for sucker beer, then so be it.
Whoa, Prohibition Sally.
Part of the point of all this|is appealing to chicks.
- For you, not for us.
|- No, for me, too.
- That's how I met my wife.
|- Well, then not for me.
- Well, you're a chick.
|- Right, so I should know.
I don't even know what|you're talking about anymore.
- We can't cancel the gig.
|- Then what do we do? We do what we do.
We make rock and roll.
Hendrix rocked Woodstock|with "The Star-Spangled Banner.
" - That's true.
|- No one saw it coming.
It's a classic now.
|He turned it into an anthem.
It's "The Star-Spangled Banner.
"|It was kind of already an anthem.
Thanks to Hendrix.
- I'm confused.
|- So am I.
- Are we walking or what?|- We're not walking.
Okay, I got to get out of here.
|I'm going upstairs.
I put out the coffee,|I locked the storeroom and the fridge.
Do not let anyone break anything|or steal anything and lock up when you're done.
You really don't want to wait|for the results? - I'm just afraid I'll get too emotional.
|- Good night.
- You want some more coffee?|- Bye, hon.
- How you doing, honey?|- I'm fine.
He's nervous.
- I can tell.
His neck goes away.
|- I'm not nervous.
I'm fine.
Where are they?|There you are.
You won't believe it.
- Big news.
|- Kirk, sit down.
Can't, these aren't my pants.
I have the results of my latest poll.
I talked to every single person in town|and unanimously they're all voting for Jackson.
- What?|- Are you sure? I am sure.
I talked to|everyone except Taylor but I assumed he was voting for himself,|and they all told me the same thing.
We're going to win? I'm gonna be|the first Town Selectman Lady.
I can't believe it.
Kirk, you're sure about this?|Every single person? Every person except Taylor,|and even that's not a lock 'cause hatred for Taylor runs very deep.
The rally started.
Come on.
|I'm so excited! I don't have to make stew! Lane.
- You're here!|- I'm your groupie.
But don't get any ideas.
I'm saving|experimentation for my junior year.
- I love you.
|- If you need someone to stage dive - just give me a signal.
|- You got it.
- Hello, Stars Hollow!|- Hello! Okay, so the man of the hour,|Jackson Belleville- That's nice, okay.
Well, he's getting ready to come|out here and talk to you but before he does I wanted to take the|opportunity to say thanks.
Wow! Again, wow! Okay, so thanks for all of the support|and the nice thoughts.
This is a great place to live and I wouldn't want to live|anyplace else in the world.
And now let's get this party started.
|I've got a reaI treat for you tonight.
Right here, live on-stage playing one of Jackson's|favorite songs of all time put your hands together,|and let's build the roof for Hep Alien! One, two, three, four.
It's different live, I guess.
- I just saw Taylor in the soda shop.
|- Yeah? - Yeah, I think he knows.
|- Knows what? - Knows that he's gonna lose.
|- Really? He was sitting there all alone, in the dark,|downing spray whipped cream.
- He looked devastated.
|- Yay! - I know, yay, but it's kind of sad, isn't it?|- Why? He deserves it.
I know, but no votes, none?|That's humiliating.
- That's swept-away kind of humiliating.
|- Yeah, you're right, too bad.
You're still yaying|in your head, aren't you? - In 5.
1 surround.
|- I'll be back in a minute.
Andrew, great, hi.
Looks like it's going to be a landslide|for Jackson.
Every single person I know|is voting for him.
- You must be really happy.
|- Yes, I am.
- Could you vote for Taylor?|- What? Jackson's still gonna win.
|It's hard to explain.
It involves spray cream.
|Just trust me.
Great.
Thanks.
- Anna, hi!|- Hi, Lorelai.
Big night, huh? Yeah, real big.
Could you vote for Taylor? Well, that was peppy.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,|what you've all been waiting for the man of the hour the next town selectman of Stars Hollow Jackson Belleville.
Well, jeez, that was quite a welcome.
Thank you all for coming and supporting me in this thing here.
As I stand on this stage,|looking at you all I can't help but think I have a job.
I have a life.
I don't have time to be selectman.
I have a business, I have a kid.
And Sookie and I are trying|to have another one and the doctor has us on this schedule|and it's not flexible.
And what was I thinking? What the hell am I doing here?|I don't want to be selectman.
- An honest man!|- Finally! We're behind you all the way, Jackson! Jackson! Oh, man, I am flying.
- I mean it.
I am two, three feet in the air.
|- It was tight, it was tight.
That's the right term to throw in|at this point, right? You know, no one plays guitar like you,|Zach.
Totally.
It was more than just the gift, sweetheart.
- It was the material.
|- We found our sound.
Cheese works, this is a turning point.
|We have to go for it.
- You are gonna be so famous.
|- Will you remember us when you're huge? Nope.
- You're awful.
|- I'm awful, too.
- Okay, who needs refills?|- I do.
- Me, too.
|- I'm good.
- Grab us a couple beers, would you?|- Okay.
What are you doing in here?|Come and join the party.
I like you, Zach.
I like you as more than a bandmate|and more than a friend.
I like you.
I have liked you|for some time now and I don't think this feeling|is going to go away.
I just thought you should know.
|Here's your beer.
I gotta get some air.
I have Ken Burns' "Jazz" on DVD|if you're into that kind of thing.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
I didn't know you were coming.
- I'm so sorry.
|- It's okay.
This whole situation's turning out to be|a lot harder than I thought.
Not you.
Just Lindsay and|moving back home and my parents.
- I'm not handling it as well as I should be.
|- It's a lot, Dean.
You're doing fine.
I didn't want to yell at you like that.
I worked out the car thing.
|That's not gonna be an issue anymore.
I hope.
And I had a little talk with my mom,|so I think things are gonna be better now.
Okay.
- I'm sorry.
|- It's good.
Don't worry about it.
- Dean, can I ask you something?|- Sure.
- You won't get mad?|- No, I promise.
If Lindsay hadn't found that letter would you Were you going - Would you still have left her?|- Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Okay.
Good.
Everybody, may I have your attention?|The results are in.
Jackson, come on out here.
Okay.
The votes for town selectman|are as follows.
Well, we have a new town selectman,|ladies and gentleman.
Jackson, would you like to say a few|words to your constituency? - No.
|- I would.
Friends and townspeople today in Stars Hollow,|democracy has spoken.
The will of the people has prevailed|and new leadership has been instated.
Your vote has counted.
Free elections are a wonderfuI thing.
A thing to be admired and cherished.
Here in America, we have something else|that is to be admired and cherished it's called a recall election.
I look forward to this|other aspect of democracy which I believe will happen any day now when sanity and reason|have been restored to Stars Hollow.
So in closing, friends,|believe me when I tell you you will have Taylor Doose|to kick around again.
Thank you and God bless.
Jackson, now that we're done|with the sidewalk issue I would like to talk to you about the|permit for expanding my dance studio to include a Tae-Bo room.
I have the pictures|of the hedges right here.
They're at least a foot above|where they're supposed to be and Ruby won't cut them down.
If you need someone in charge|of homeland security I am your man.
I have this great idea for you- The sun sets five minutes earlier for me|'cause her hedges are in the way.
Grabbed us a little victory champagne,|and I thought - You were asleep.
|- No.
- I was just, doing some bills and things.
|- Doing bills? - Yeah.
|- In the dark? Trying to conserve.
So, when you went up earlier,|you were going to bed.
You go to bed early.
Which makes sense|because you get up early.
- And now I got it.
|- It's no big deal.
Just come on in, we'll - No, I can hold on to this till later.
|- Yeah? Yeah.
Good night.
Goes to bed early, I got to remember that.
- Only on some nights.
|- Don't you also hate champagne? - Kind of.
|- Yeah.
I'm learning.
English