iCarly s05e04 Episode Script

So ya see, this engine is an exact replica of a 1951 Santa fe trudge master.
Wow.
See these four rivets right here? A 1952 model would have six rivets.
Hey, I'm not gonna lie.
I'm super-bored by this.
Well, if you would have been at my train club meeting on Saturday night, you wouldn't've been "bored" watchin' this baby in action.
Pretty sure I woulda been.
Hi, Carls.
Hey, pretty baby.
Hey, lil' samanther.
Alllll right, let's cool it with the public display of affection.
Oh, c'mon, we haven't kissed in two days.
Our lips are starving.
Over the weekend? 'Cuz we didn't see each other.
You didn't go "play trains" with him on Saturday night? Nah, my mom and I went to dinner then we did some"Shopping.
" After school right? Can't.
I gotta go with my mom to her lady doctor.
And I thought you said you were going to soccer practice.
Oh yeah.
You joined the soccer team? Nah, me and Wendy are just gonna hang out by the bleachers and hit golf balls toward the field.
That's when the soccer girls are out in the open.
Okay so you guys aren't gonna hang out together today, and you didn't see each other at all this weekend? Nope.
Uh, nuh-uh.
Isn't that kinda weird? Nah.
We're just not into the same kind of things.
Different strokes, bay-beh.
But you're a couple now.
So? So part of dating is you learning to like stuff he likes, and you learning to like stuff she likes.
WellI got another meeting with my model train club on Wednesday night.
Wanna come? Should I be polite and lie? Yes.
I'd love to, baby.
I'd love to, baby.
Aw, that's m'little fibber.
Are you guys about to start soccer practice? Uh-huh.
Gotta run! Sam Soccer girls are not targets! Stay my baby.
You know I hate it when you do that voice.
What voice are you talking about? Stop doing the voice.
Stop doing itStop doing it.
Stop it.
Spencer! What're you doing here? I was just cruisin' by on my motorcycle.
Thought ya might want a ride home from skyool.
Okay, but do you mind if we stop wait, wait, wait.
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.
Who is that woman? Uhh, that's miss Hamilton.
She works for principal Franklin.
No way! Jenna?! Hey Jenna! Hi.
Can I help you with something? Oh come on, you don't remember me?! Uhhhhh alright, maybe this will remind you no Jenna! I don't wanna go to bed! I wanna stay up and watch full house with Dave coulier! Oh my God! Spencer shay?! You got it, dude! I am so lost here.
Jenna was my babysitter when I was like ten years old and she how old were you? I dunno.
Fifteen? Yeah you were.
So, maybe we should get together for dinner or something.
I would love that.
This is Jenna! I see Jenna.
Oh.
Colleen, what happened? II dunno I was on the soccer field about to kick the ball and something hit me in the head.
Ah jeez.
I should take her to the nurse.
Yeah, yeah Get her to the nurse.
Well, uh, I'll call ya! You better.
What could've hit that girl in the head? I know nothing.
In 5, 4, 3, 2 I know, you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one every time just see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give it your best and leave the rest to me leave it all to me (leave it all to me) leave it all to me just leave it all to me For your shortcakes? - Sure.
- Yes! I think it's sweet your sister's being our little server tonight.
Yeah, she can be real sweet when I offer to pay her twenty bucks.
You said forty.
Forty bucks.
Hey, you wanna know a secret? Immediately.
Okay, well when I was ten And you were my babysitter I had a little crush on you.
You knew?! You wrote me love poems And don't you remember the night my boyfriend came over? And I told him he had a stupid face? Yes, and then you bit him.
Yeeeaahhh, he was salty.
Oh gosh, it's already eleven o'clock.
I should go.
Ahhh.
Bye Carly! See you at school! And you should go to bed.
No way! There is a boy meets world marathon on starting at midnight.
Ah! You're not watching that.
But it's Ben savage! You need to get some sleep! You promised that guy you'd finish his sculpture by the end of the week and you haven't even started on it.
But I just wanna sncer.
Go brush your teeth and go to bed.
Okay.
It was good seeing you again.
Back atcha.
Uhh Look, a murderer! See ya.
You're a man-child.
Well, you have a stupid face.
See? That's what I mean when I say you're a man-child Excuse me? Oh, what? You just proved it.
You just proved you're a man-child.
You proved it Poop! Man-child.
Man-child.
You're seven minutes late.
I know, I'm sorry Sam made me stop at the hardware store.
They were havin' a sale on hatchets.
Hey, she's a girl.
No girls allowed at train club meetings.
C'mon, let her stay she's cool.
Yeah bringing the number of cool people in this room to one And a half.
Aw.
I know.
Gross, they're flirting! C'mon.
Out ya go, girl! Hey! Let go of my wrist! Sam? You're squeezin' too hard! Sam! Let go of my wrist! Sam? LetLet goOf My oh, Sam.
Anybody else wanna throw me out? Oh, no.
You can stay.
Okay, let's get this meeting okay, let's get this meeting of the training bros started.
You really don't want to say that in front of me while I'm holding a hatchet.
While I'm holding a hatchet.
AndSit.
C'mon quackersSit.
We're not putting this duck on iCarly! Why not? 'Cuz he has no talent.
But what am I gonna do with him? Take him back to the pond.
What? And just let all the other ducks laugh at him 'cuz he failed at show business? And they were shocked when they saw the X-ray.
Hey hey, we're back.
How was pint's? Best lasagna ever.
I know, right? You guys have the cheesecake? No.
Jenna wouldn't let me have dessert.
'Cuz someone refused to eat his vegetables.
I didn't wanna.
Is that a duck? Yes.
Does he have any talent? None.
Okay Spencer, tell you what What? Since we didn't have dessert, you want me to make you some popcorn? Will ya?! After you brush your teeth and get into your pajamas.
Why can't I just have whiny boys don't get popcorn.
I'm not whining.
I'm not whining! Is that his date, or his babysitter? Or his babysitter? I'm not sure.
He doesn't understand!!! Okay, can you guys make one a'these trains move? Can I at least get that much excitement tonight? Train number one or number two? Well, you make me think of number two, so let's go with that.
So let's go with that.
Behold.
Good run.
Good run.
Very smooth.
Why are you all clapping? None of you are ever gonna get married boys! Who wants milk and fig nooters?! Oh! Nooters! Nooters! Oh my God.
Okay, that's it, that's all.
Hey, no.
C'mon, it's almost over.
Why'd you turn it off? Because that movie is too scary for Spencer.
No it's not.
Movies like that give you nightmares.
C'mon, it's almost over! I said "no.
" Why can't we j- that's it go to bed.
But I don't but I don't right now.
Is like a grown man now.
Sorta.
So? WellYou're kinda treating him like a child.
Go to bed, Carly.
I'm not tired.
Go to bed.
But but Good night.
And sit down.
And sit down.
Let's finish this thing.
Uh, no.
I have had much better nooters.
Dude, your mom's nooters are stale.
They're all like crunchy on the outside.
They're nasty.
It makes a noise.
Hey, what's she doing?! Look, I set up both trains to go at the same time.
No! - No! - Sam don't! Okay, model trains are pretty cool.
- There's train in my milk.
- Drink it! Wow.
Your sculpture's just starting to look really good.
Thanks.
Can I have a juice pouch? You've had enough juice.
Okay.
Aw great.
What? Listen to this email I just got from my model train club guys.
"Dear Freddie.
"Due to the recent explosion "at our last meeting "caused by your female, "you are hereby kicked out "of the training bros.
"Please return your cap, "whistle, and protective cup within three business days.
" What's a protective cup? It's this thing you put on hey, hey, hey.
She's not ready for that.
Cup of what? I'm sorry I got ya kicked out, baby.
It's not your fault.
Carly's the one who said we needed to participate in each other's activities.
Okay, so Sam didn't fit in with your "training bros".
Why don't you try doing something Sam likes? Okay.
What's the least illegal thing you like to do? Oooh, least illegal? Uh? Oh, well, on Saturday I'm goin' to visit my favorite cousin and Uncle.
You can come with.
That doesn't sound too bad.
They live where? Prison.
'Course.
Okay let's go.
ICarly starts in twenty.
Hey, you guys are doin' the cowboy and the idiot farm girl who thinks the cowboy's mustache is a squirrel? Yep.
Yessir.
Aw, c'mon we gotta go up and watch this.
Uh, you can play after you finish your sculpture.
But the guy's not coming to pick it up 'til Sunday.
Spencer Why can't we just hey! Okaaaaay! Hey, hey, Sammy! Uncle carmine! Hey.
'Sup Chaz? Uh, the same ol'.
Uh, this your new fella? Oh, the b-f? Uh, yeah.
Freddie, this is my Uncle carmine and my cousin Chaz.
Freddie Benson.
Delightful to meet you guys.
Hey, you just be good to our little Sammy.
Or we'll stab ya.
All over.
So uhhh I brought you the stuff.
You did not! Two of 'em.
Where? No way! They're in his pants! Uh huh.
Oh c'mon, hand 'em over.
Quick while the guards ain't lookin'.
I'm not comfortable with this.
Will you hurry? Fine! Okay, w-w-wait Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Whoa, whoakayOh! Prisoners in my pants.
Alright.
Hey! That kid's got somethin' in his pants! No, I don't! It's uh, it's a, growth! Honey glazed hams? Nice try, carmine.
Take these two to the hole.
What are you gonna hey, watch the arm! I didn't know about the hams! I'm an American citizen! I got pork rights! Yeah, what about our pork rights?! So now what, they're gonna stab me? No.
Not 'til they get outta here.
And then Sam yelled at me all the way home.
Well, it shouldn't have taken you that long to pull 'em out.
Oh, excuse me for not being skilled at removing hams from my pants.
So.
Maybe it's not so important that you guys do things together.
You were the one who said it was.
Well, I don't have a boyfriend, so what do I know? I need a biscuit.
You guys want some biscuits? No.
Yes.
Okay.
I'll get Sam a biscuit but Freddie doesn't want a biscuit, so I'm sorry I couldn't get the hams outta my pants.
I'm sorry I blew up your 1952 Fudge master.
Trudge master.
Trudge.
And it was a 1951.
You can tell because the '52 has six rivets on the front, whereas shut up.
"So the pudgy monkey "went up to the man "in the floppy hat and said, "'mister floppy hat man "will you show me the way to banana land?'" and then what happened? Well"The floppy hat man "looked at the pudgy monkey "and said, 'I'll show you "the way to banana land, "but first, I'm gonna tickle you!'" okay.
Stop it, don't do it! OkayOkay This needs to stop right now.
What? What's the problem? What's the problem?! You're lying there wearing footsie pajamas while this "woman" reads you the adventures of the pudgy monkey, and you're asking me what's the probl?!?! Isn't it past your bedtime? You're not the babysitter a'me! And you're not his babysitter anymore, either! You two are not having a normal relationship here! But I like her And she smells pretty.
We've known each other forever.
I know, but I think you two are taking this "connection" you have and you're trying to force it into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
I mean, doesn't it feel a little bizarre and unnatural? Yes.
I'm creepy.
Well, don't feel bad.
Just I don't know, be friends or something.
But stop pretending you can be boyfriend and girlfriend when you both know it's just weird and wrong.
This is weird and wrong.
Yeah.
I'll just go.
Wait, Jenna.
Before you leave Yes? Does the pudgy monkey ever make it to banana land? Well, the real point of the story isn't whether he makes it to banana land.
It's about the things he learns along the way does he make it to banana land? Yes.
Good night! So She wasn't talking about us.
I know.
ButDo you think maybe you and I are taking some "connection" we have And Trying to force it into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing? Yeah.
Well, I meanI dunno It's like, after all the years of us being, like, at each other's throats And you kissing me That night at school It was prettyIntense.
Hey, it put me in a mental hospital.
So The kiss was just "intense"? And fun.
Yeah, I just I don't know if you and me really "click" That way.
Yeah.
But maybe one day, if you get a little more normal Or you get a little more abnormal So did we just break up? Feels like it.
But, it wasMutual, right? Yeah.
But I'm still gonna tell people I dumped your butt and broke your nerdy little heart.
Fair enough.
Oh well.
I love you.
I love you too.
It's only ten-thirty.
That works.
Okay.