Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s05e04 Episode Script

Salaam alaikum Faisal, You are up early.
Walaikum assalaam.
No point in staying in bed all day the only thing there is my wife.
I'm sensing some trouble at home.
You are sensing right.
You know how some people always criticize everything you do? - I hate that.
- So does Mufeeda! But how will she change if I do not criticize? Faisal, everyone has their faults.
The secret is learning to accept them.
So, you see her faults too.
Good.
I will tell her.
Look, marriage is about accepting your partner for who they really are.
Hm, that is easy for you to say.
You are so blinded by love, you can not even see Rayyan's faults.
And they are obvious.
Rayyan is not perfect.
But I wouldn't call them faults.
They're more like quirks.
What about her laugh that sounds like hiccups? Actually, that laugh is pretty cute.
Or when her face turns red when she's trying to win an argument? Come on! Everybody loves red-face Rayyan.
So, you will not even state one fault.
Well sometimes she hogs the remote.
- Rayyan is a remote-hogger? - Really? - On occasion.
- Intolerable! Mufeeda would never do such a thing to me, and she is a terrible wife.
Rayyan is a monster! Whoa! Let's slow down.
Rayyan is not a monster just 'cause she sometimes hogs the remote.
Rayyan hogs the remote? This relationship is doomed.
- How is the oatmeal? - Mufeeda's is better.
She is an excellent cook.
I should tell her more often.
Thanks, Amaar.
Any time.
Any time.
I lured you right into my trap.
You are three moves away from total annihilation.
Checkmate.
Ah.
Well, you're lucky that didn't go two more moves.
- Salaam alaikum.
- Walaikum assalaam.
- Hi, Reverend.
- Rayyan, lovely as ever, I see.
Are you sure I can't talk you out of settling for this mug? Hmm? it's never too late to convert.
I'm sure she'd rather be with a man who actually knows how to play chess.
Whoa-oh-oh.
But if I'm ever in the market for a self-centred egomaniac, - I'll call you.
- I'm in the book.
Ohh, thank you, I have had such a day.
Two stomach flus, one earache, and a trip to the old folks home because Mrs.
Thomas thought her cat looked sad.
Didn't she have her cat stuffed? Yes.
I gave it a shot anyway.
It can't hurt, right? Oh, I really need a relaxing TV night with you.
Yeah, just be sure you bring your own clicker, Amaar.
I don't get it.
Uhh No, it's-it's just the word is out that you, uh, like to hog the clicker.
You little clicker hog, you.
"Oink, oink, click, click.
" No? Look at the time! I am late for services.
It's Saturday.
Yeah, I'm very, very late.
How did he know about the clicker? Ehh, he must have talked to Faisal.
How does Faisal know? 'Cause I was counselling him and and complaining about me? No, not complaining.
He was complaining about Mufeeda, and I used you as an example on how to accept other peoples faults.
My faults? You're the one who clicks too slow.
If I'm a clicker hog, you're a clicker sloth.
It didn't seem like a big deal.
In the future, please don't tell stories about me.
It makes me look bossy.
Are you ordering me to not tell people you're bossy? Because I can do that.
This is your fifth refill.
Have you no shame? I'm sorry, it's been a slow work week.
So, you have finally managed to drive your husband's business into the ground.
I'm not driving it into the ground! In fact, I just got a voicemail from Odayna.
Someone named Suhail is looking for a contractor.
Suhail? The ultra- conservative Muslim? You know him? Can you put in a good word for me? He does not talk to women.
Aww, is he shy? Suhail will not do business with anyone but a man.
But that's not fair! How am I going to get him to hire me? Easy.
You can't.
Not as long as you are a woman.
A-ha! But, if I were a man Baber! Just the man I need.
Sister Sarah, this is most inappropriate! You are a married woman and I am an eligible bachelor! It is not going to happen.
Firstly, ew-y, and secondly, that is the most sexist thing I've ever heard, which makes you the perfect man for the job.
I am a perfect man but I do not need a job.
Oh, it's not a real job.
I need a fake job even less.
You get to pretend to be the boss of Hamoudi Construction.
But aren't you already pretending to be the boss.
Well, this is important.
Yasir trusted me to keep the place going.
Sarah, you are wasting your breath.
Why would I ever do this? You'd get to look like a big man to a conservative in Odayna.
You had me at "big man!" Oh, whoops.
Rev.
Thorne: Amaar, hey look, I'm sorry for spilling the beans, there.
Did you get in trouble? I'm an adult.
I don't "get in trouble.
" Yikes.
That bad, huh? Nah, she was right.
I should have known.
Next time I'll just share positive things about her.
That will keep you fairly quiet.
What's that supposed to mean? Well, she's bossy, opinionated, pushy, jump in any time here.
That's not true.
She's sweet, - she's sensitive - Sensitive? Yeah, oh Yeah I-I get it.
Uh, yes, sensitive and gentle She's watching us isn't she? - Ha-ha.
- Where is she? No, it's true she is sensitive.
She even cries at Tim Hortons commercials! - She does? - Yeah, like a baby.
- Hmm.
- She's a sucker for feel-good moments.
Really? I didn't know that.
It's one of my favourite things about her.
Well, maybe that's the kind of thing that you should share.
You're right.
Uh, speaking of sharing, are you going to have that pudding cup? No, knock yourself out.
Wait a second, was this conversation just so that you could get the pudding cup? Well, I wanted the apple, but you're fast.
All you have to do is pretend to be my boss.
Then I'll step in as your employee.
You mean secretary.
Well, I wouldn't As your fake boss, I am liking it so far.
Then we just need an invitation to the site and that's where we make our bid.
Got it.
We need to go to the site.
No.
Just one of us is going.
- So I go to the site.
- No.
You stay here.
- With you.
- No, I'm going.
-So I stay here.
- Yes.
- With him.
- No.
He's coming with me.
- So, we're all going together.
- No! Oh, I'm so confused.
This is no way to run my business! It's not your business.
And it will not be for long if I continue to run it like this.
I want to know when do I get to look like the big man? Hello.
I am Suhail.
I am looking for Baber.
Why on earth would you be looking for me? Perhaps because you are the big man.
Oh yes, Suhail, of course.
I am the boss Baber.
I am the big boss of this whole company that I am the boss of.
Salaam alaikum.
We should talk business.
Walaikum assalaam.
Yes, business.
And what better way to start than with a tour of the site! Who are you and why are you talking? Oh, I'm Mr.
Siddiqui's employee.
You mean secretary? Well, I wouldn't Ah.
That explains why you are here.
Oh.
But it does not explain why you are walking around naked! I'm not naked.
These are three quarter sleeves.
They are one quarter too short! Can we just talk about the job? If by we, you mean the men, yes.
You may sit there and say nothing! - But but - Sit! I I think it's going very well.
What are these for? I was going to turn on the radio.
If a Tim Hortons commercial comes on, I don't want you leaking all over my clean counters.
But I only cry during the TV ones.
Hey! So, it is true.
- I'm not saying.
- You just did.
Fine, but those are really good commercials.
How about the one where the kid scores the winning goal and then he looks at his dad and he's so proud.
It is worse than I was told.
Well, who told you? It is un-Islamic to pass on stories about other people.
It was Amaar.
It is perfectly Islamic to guess.
Hi, have you seen Amaar? - Amaar the Imam? - Yes.
Have you tried looking in the 200s? Sorry? Religious studies? Little Dewey decimal joke.
- He's over there in periodicals.
- Thanks.
- Amaar, salaam alaikum.
- Walaikum assalaam.
What are you doing? You told people that I cry during commercials after I specifically asked you not to talk about me.
But I was telling them good things.
Good things that only you know.
For a reason.
I'm a private person and if we're getting married, I just need to know that things between us, stay between us.
You're right.
I promise I will not talk about you any more.
Thank you.
Shh, Amaar! This is a library! It is not a place for your chitter-chatter.
I have told you to stop shushing people! We don't mind talking here.
And if you have such a problem with it then you can go to the quiet room.
I will be good.
She scares me.
You and Rayyan must have been having a terrible fight to be so noisy.
We are not having a fight.
Rayyan just made it clear that she hates it when I talk about her.
You two almost make my marriage seem not dysfunctional.
Wait until I tell Mufeeda that Rayyan forbids you from speaking! No, no, you are not telling Mufeeda anything.
- You are not telling anyone anything.
- Shh-h-h! Okay, you! To the quiet room! And that is how I saved this town from the terrible Anglican.
Another wonderful story, Brother Baber.
You are truly a conservative after my own heart.
Yes.
I am impressive.
You know what's impressive? Hamoudi Construction's track record.
I suppose this rude woman is right.
We should talk business.
Have you had any experience with greenhouses? Yes, of course.
We can paint it any colour that you want.
My favourite are blue houses.
Boss, I think he means a nursery.
Ooh, a baby? Congratulations! I hope it is a boy.
Oh, Baber, you kidder.
Making us sound so unqualified that we wouldn't know what a greenhouse was! For the last time, I am talking to your boss, not you! Yes, but I Women should be seen and not heard! And rarely seen.
Don't you have cookies to bake? Ooh, I did not know you were making cookies.
I'm not.
Then what good are you? - Well - I will answer, no good! Baber: Suhail perhaps that's a little bit too harsh? So, you approve of her behaviour? Perhaps, you are not the conservative big wig I thought.
What? I am the biggest of all wigs.
And Sarah is my lowly secretary.
Go get us coffee, secretary.
- You want me to go? - Obviously! Aren't you forgetting something? Oh yes, how foolish of me.
Don't forget we need those cookies.
Everyone, be quiet.
She is here.
- What are you talking about? - Not you.
We know how what drives you cuckoo.
Really? Faisal told me Amaar told him you have forbidden him to speak of you.
Almost everyone agrees, you are a very controlling woman.
I'm a controlling woman? Now it is unanimous! I can't believe him.
How would he like it if I shared every embarrassing detail about him? Amaar has no embarrassing details.
Oh, come on.
He stashes an emergency bag of chips at work.
Very wise.
He knows the value of a midday snack.
- He loves country music.
- Who doesn't? Travis Tritt is a genius.
He got caught shoplifting bubble gum.
Whoa-oh-oh! Amaar's a gum thief? Oh, Fred, I didn't see you there.
This is perfect.
The chief rug-rider is a known offender! I've been looking for a new "Muslims are bad" angle.
Thanks for the scoop, toots.
Two coffees to go please, Fatima.
Two? How many times have I told you? You cannot have your free refills to go.
One of them is for Suhail.
You have made him your client? Almost.
I am impressed.
I just have to wait for Baber to seal the deal.
I am less impressed.
I had to have him pose as my boss, or else Suhail wouldn't even talk to me.
Now I am not impressed at all.
Oh, I know but we needed the business, so I had to ask myself, what would Yasir do? He would probably come up with some ridiculous scheme.
Exactly.
So now you are out getting coffee like Baber's secretary? I have decided to call myself executive assistant.
Much better.
And for the record.
I'm not just getting coffee.
I also need some cookies.
Amaar, you know how you were upset with me for saying things about you? Well, you're going to laugh but Oh, boy.
Wow, you talk to books too? I thought I was the only one.
Oh, no.
I was just rehearsing a conversation I'm going to have with Amaar.
I am the only one.
Any way, so you're here a lot these days.
Well, it's a public place.
So, I can meet Amaar here.
Oh, you mean like a date? No, we're Muslims.
We don't date.
Yeah, neither do librarians.
Salaam alaikum.
Walaikum assalaam.
Amaar, you know how I was upset with you for sharing things about me I know, and I did it again.
I told Faisal I wasn't going to talk about you, But guess what? That's talking about you.
- I'm so sorry.
- It's fine.
It's just that when someone is so important in your life, you can't help but talk about them, you know? So, can you ever forgive me? Of course I can forgive you.
You know what the worst part is? I know that you would never, ever betray my trust like that.
Right.
And remember, folks, when it's time to spay your cat, think of Jeff's Neuters and Hooters.
Jeff will neuter your pets and look after all your plastic owl needs.
Hi, Fred.
Oh, hey, toots, what brings you around? Got some more dirt to dish for me? No, I don't.
The things I said about Amaar Oh, absolute gold.
An Imam who's a crook? The public has a right to know.
But I didn't have a right to tell.
Please, Fred, I don't want to be the kind of person who passes along gossip.
I really had no right.
Well, I didn't realize you felt so strongly about it.
I do.
I really do.
We don't sweat it, scarfy.
I mean, your people aren't the only ones who can keep a secret.
Okay.
Thanks, Fred.
Sure.
Folks, the Muslim menace has reared its turbaned head once again.
Turns out our local imam has got more sticky fingers than a waffle eating contest.
That's right.
Amaar Rashid is a cutpurse, a scallywag, a common shoplifter.
And how big a step is it really from lifting a shop to blowing it up? Well, okay it's a pretty big step, granted but still, this is a confirmed story from a confidential source.
Phone lines are open! Sarah: Mr.
Siddiqui, sir.
I'm back with your coffee and cookies.
Oh, chocolate chip! Wait.
Where's Suhail? - He left.
- Baber, you idiot! We had a plan, remember? And it is working.
He is gone to the washroom.
And as soon as he comes back, we are going to the site.
Really? That's great! Oh, and about earlier, I'm so sorry, but this cookie is totally unacceptable! What? I said homemade and this is clearly store-bought.
And generic.
Oh, sorry, sir.
Silly me.
But what do you expect from a woman.
She's learning.
I did not think this was possible.
That is why I hired her.
It is getting late, Brother.
We should go to the site.
Finally.
I'll just grab my tape measure and my calculator.
And don't you worry, I'm sure we can come up with a quote that will blow you Oh, come on! Oh, no! Darn! Dang! - Are you okay, Sarah? - Amaar, I'm sorry about the language.
It's okay, I've heard it all.
What's wrong? Well, Baber's taken over my company! Okay, I thought I had heard it all.
He's posing as head of Hamoudi Construction so I can win over this conservative Muslim.
Oh, that's terrible.
I know.
Baber has no business sense.
No, terrible of you.
Lying to get work? I know, I couldn't help it.
This guy is sexist, ultra-conservative and he'd never hire a woman.
Okay, this gets worse.
You know there's no Islamic basis for your client's attitude? There isn't? Well, you see, I never really finished reading the Koran.
Reading makes me sleepy.
It always has.
I mean, to me, "A Tale of Two Cities" will always just be about the best of times.
Okay, all this to make a buck? I know this is bad, but I'm doing it for Yasir.
I don't think even Yasir had a price on sacrificing integrity, Sarah.
Oh, this is the worst of times.
Well, well, well.
I heard the most interesting thing on the radio today.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Now, where would Fred have heard such a tasty little titbit like that about Amaar? Hmm? Hmm? Are you done? It certainly couldn't be from you, could it? No, not after all I've heard about how much you hate sharing personal information, Miss Pot-calling- the-kettle-black.
While this may be very funny for you, Amaar's going to hate me! Relax.
Amaar's a very forgiving man.
I used to consider that his weakness.
- And now? - Oh, I still do.
I just don't exploit it any more.
Of course he's going to forgive me.
But you, you should know better than anyone, once you betray someone, it's very hard for them to see you the same way again.
Amaar! I don't suppose you heard Fred's show.
Uh, the one where he called me a two-bit gum rustler? So you heard it.
Good.
Well, you steal one pack of gum in grade six and it comes back to haunt you.
They weren't kidding about the permanent record.
Well, this may be hard for you to hear, but I I've got something to confess.
I was the one who told Fred about your nimble fingers.
- You did? - Yep.
Sounds like me, doesn't it? Yeah, classic Thorne.
Anyway, all I can say is I am I'm sorry.
And I apologize.
Well, in that case, I accept.
Great! Ha! What a relief.
- Uh, chess? - Why not? Rayyan: Amaar, wait.
He didn't do it.
I did.
I told Fred.
- I know.
- You do? You were the only one I ever told.
And I betrayed your trust.
- On purpose? - Of course not.
Well, then I guess, sometimes, some things just slip out.
They do.
I get it.
I'm sorry I was so hard on you.
There's no reason to apologize.
Then why did you accept his apology? Well, for Thorne, that was a pretty good apology.
Oh, thank you.
And why did you confess to telling a secret that you didn't know? To help you.
Uh, which is a good thing, right? Yes, but, you lied, which isn't.
Oh, will you ever forgive me? - Yes.
- There you go.
Great! Where were we? Checkmate.
Oh, right.
Best of 13? Suhail: My goodness, I can't believe such a low quote for such a big job.
Really? Because I personally would not pay a dime more.
What are you doing at that desk? What are you doing giving quotes? Well, if some people would show up for work more often.
This is none of your business! This is all my business.
I am Sarah Hamoudi and I run this company.
What? A woman? How do you expect me to work with a woman? I don't.
You are rude and sexist and I'm not going to take this anymore.
You are everything a good Muslim is not.
And this woman expects you to leave.
- But - Now! And that's that.
What are you still doing here? Oh, um, there's the small matter of my pay? I'll go.
Hello, kids! Coffee's on me.
Wow! What's the occasion? Well, you know that conservative jerk I stood up to? He still wants to hire me, even after I marked up his quote 20%.
Really? He asked around, it seems Hamoudi Construction is still the best company in the county! I guess he likes a bargain - more than he hates women.
- Hmm.
Well, congratulations, Mom.
You stuck to your guns and you got what you wanted.
Yasir would be proud.
Thank you.
So, what did I miss? I'm not telling.