Mount Pleasant (2011) s05e04 Episode Script

It's great if we can get friends to train together.
You mean like "Two abs are better than one" sort of thing? Exactly! My dad's dying.
We've been checking out flights to Canada.
I don't really know what to say.
Thank you.
Why are you being like this? Why am I being like what? Is everything all right? Walk away.
Take your hands off her! See why I need to be here? We could have a children's party on one side and then across the road we could have a sandwich buffet for all the parents when it winds down.
You and me have to make sure this kids party we throw blows anything that she's got planned right out the water.
It was empty! It was not empty! There were six squeezes left in that, easy! I tell you what - shall I go outside to the bins and dig it out for you? You shouldn't have thrown it out in the first place! Not without replacing it.
Now I have to go to bed with dog-breath! Right Get off it, leave it! Give it here! Don't you dare! Give it here! Lisa? I'm fine, Dad.
Go back to bed.
Listen, for the last three nights you and him have just had stupid arguments.
They're not stupid.
It were about toothpaste.
Yesterday it were over a cup of tea.
20 years we've been together and I have NEVER had sugar in my tea! I'm worried about you both.
Goodnight, Dad.
You're certainly keeping it up well.
What? Not talking to me.
Three days now, hardly a word.
Well, two if we don't count the one you spent semiconscious.
Have you got something you wanna say? I've never seen you like that, Ella.
You didn't know where you were, what you were doing.
That's not you.
I don't understand what got into you.
You don't? Really? Why don't you think about that just a little bit harder? Ella.
Oh.
Hey.
How you feeling? Like an idiot.
I heard you brought me home.
Thank you.
Ah, we've all been there.
Your roommates weren't quite so grateful.
Don't worry about them.
Just my Dad and my mum's boyfriend.
Yeah, I know, its kind of complicated.
Sounds it.
Listen, if you're off down the uni I can give you a lift, if you want? I'm heading past there anyway, so Yeah, that'd be great.
Thanks.
What the hell do you think you're doing?! What do you know about this kid over the road? I don't know anything about him.
How long has he been sniffing round my daughter? Oh, for! He's just some kid, works at the local garage or something.
He's not "some kid.
" You've been inside, don't tell me you don't recognise the type.
You'd have just let this carry on, would you? Let what carry on? Give me your car keys.
What? Your keys! Oi, Bradley! Can someone get that? It'll be the delivery man.
I'll go.
Oh, happy birthday, Princess.
What you doin'? I love parcels.
I wonder what's in it.
Hey.
"The Online Party Shop.
" Lisa must have ordered stuff for Molly's do this avvy.
What? She never told me.
SHE never had to because SHE paid for it out of her own savings, thank you very much.
Oh, look at this! Banners, balloons, party bags.
And not the crappy ones, either, they're proper, expensive, classy ones.
Since when did you have your own savings account? Since always.
Never mind your beeswax.
You can't put a price on a child's happiness.
Or showing off to the woman over the road.
I'm surprised you didn't book a circus clown while you were at it.
What, like one with a big red nose? Eh? There you go, Bonzo.
Since you're taking the day off you can help me dad get everything ready.
I want this place looking like Disney World by the time I get home.
Bye-bye, sweet-pea.
Right, I'm off.
See you, Dad.
Have fun! "Have fun"? First day off since doing up her new offices and now she's got me decorating here.
Exactly how much fun do you expect us to have?! Dan! You're getting a bit too used to this for my liking.
You're on my way to work, Pauline, and I don't like the idea of you breakfasting alone.
No-one should have to breakfast alone.
I'm only thinking of you.
Oh, yeah? So speaking of being alone Oh, don't start! You don't know what I was going to say.
Yes, you were going to bang on about me asking out my personal trainer The one you fancy.
I do NOT fancy her.
All right, look I admit I've slightly entertained the notion.
It's a very difficult subject to broach I'm trying to play the long game.
And how long would that have been? I don't know You're an idiot.
I don't know why I come here.
Cos no other bugger'll feed you! No more excuses.
Ask her out today.
No, I can't I've told you, it's not that easy.
Not with Fergus around.
Oh, you don't mean to say he's got the hots for her, too? What? Ha! Him? No.
Definitely not.
You know he actually genuinely likes being in there.
You know, in the gym.
Working out.
Takes it all terribly seriously.
I think he's a bit simple.
So what's the problem? Oh, you don't think she likes him? She's always laughing at his jokes.
So? Have you HEARD his jokes? Mm.
Couldn't be a better time to ask her out then.
How do you figure that? Oh, come on! If she fancies Fergus then she's clearly desperate.
Or tapped in the head.
Either way your odds have just shot way up.
# Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother # You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive # See the city breakin' and everybody shakin' # Cos we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive # Ha, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive # Ha, ha, ha, ha, stayin' Ali-i-i-i-i-ive! Here Dan, Dan, Dan.
Look, it's one of them big tents.
Jenna must have hired it for the post-party party.
She's taking this more seriously than our Lisa.
They're both nuts, Baz.
Sometimes I think you and me are the only sane ones on this close.
Hey shall we do Kate Bush? Morning, light of my life.
Good morning, sugar plum.
We do have a kettle, you know? Oh, no, no, no, I'm off the caffeine.
This isn't actually tea, either, this is my lunch.
Watercress and baby leek soup.
Is that all you're having? No.
I am having anchovies on rye for elevenses.
And by half-elevenses you'll have passed out of malnutrition.
Hunger, Lisa, is just an illusion.
Fergus, when are we going to start interviewing for a receptionist? No rush, is there? One of us is here all the time.
Yeah, but it don't look very professional, does it? It's all about perception.
If you feel professional .
.
you'll look professional.
Have you joined a cult or something? 'Hello?' Molly? No, of course it's not Mol - What's crack-a-lackin? Dad? Was that Dan? Er I don't know, love.
I wasn't listening.
Hey, listen, you'll not believe what they're doing over the road.
They've put one of them marquee tent things up.
And just now we watched 'em deliver some whoppin' great speakers.
Didn't we, Dan? What? All she was supposed to be doing was laying on sandwiches for afterwards.
You know what she's trying to do.
She's trying to out-party me! Right.
Don't move.
I'm coming home.
She's coming home.
Of course she is.
Iggly.
Play quietly.
Sorry about this, me mum usually has him whenever I'm working but she's got one of her scuba lessons this morning.
It's fine.
Have you got kids? Jesus, no! Finally! I thought you'd gone to fetch it from Paris or something.
Oh! Glad you approve.
You'll look incredible.
Don't forget the car is coming to fetch you at four.
What do I have to do, exactly? Just walk around, have a drink, talk to people.
We do a lot of this sort of thing for international business types.
They come over for a conference, their company throws a party, and our clients are hired to make up the numbers and add a certain je ne sais quoi to the proceedings.
It's French for "I don't know what.
" Yes, thank you, Paul.
So they're French? No, they're German.
Don't worry about it.
All you need to do is smile a lot and make sure they're having a good time.
It's really not very taxing.
That's your fault.
I told you to keep quiet while I was doing it.
Maybe nobody'll notice.
Yes.
We HAVE been working very hard all morning, thanks for asking.
Yes, you have, Dan.
It's going to be the best "Brith-day" party ever.
I'll re-thread 'em.
Mm.
I can't see anything from here.
How big's the marquee? I don't know.
And how come you're able to just take half a day off like this? You've only been back at work five minutes.
I am co-managing director.
Are you?! And I can take personal leave whenever I see fit.
Fergus didn't give a monkeys, anyway.
He said something like "every challenge is a gift.
" I think the anchovies have gone to his head.
Anyway Right, I need you to go over there, make some excuse up or other and find out what's going on.
No.
Sorry? I said no.
Do you know what, Lisa? I'm getting pig-sick of you barking orders at me 24/7.
You are co-managing director of a recruitment company, you're not co-managing director of this family, and you're certainly not co-managing director of me.
Dan! No! Stay out of this, Barry.
It's none of your business.
You don't even know what this is about, do you? It's about some silly one-upmanship you and her have got going on.
And the rest of us are stuck in the cross-fire.
That woman can host the next Glastonbury for all I care, but not our Molly's joint birthday party - not when we'd agreed I was the one arranging it.
She just wants all the parents to remember her shin-dig and not ours - and do you know what that means? It means her little girl comes out on top and our Molly comes second best.
And that's the kind of thing that stays with you for life.
Not when you're one-year-old, it doesn't! Right.
Do you know what? OK.
Thank you! Where's he going? Does this mean I've got to go? Ooh.
Barry! Er I was just wondering could we borrow some sugar? Were you now? Is it brown sugar you're after? Or maybe just a bit of sweetener? You don't have to make up excuses to come and see me, you know, Barry.
I'm not! We both know why you're really here.
I wasn't, I were just We're You've come to see what bossy bloomers is up to out back.
How did you know? She already tried to get me to do the same round yours.
Well, go on, then.
Here.
She's going full-on Caribbean Nights.
Here you go, smiler.
So, er have you two had another row? What do you mean "another"? Well, you had one about toothpaste last night, didn't you? How do you know that? Barry told me.
When? This morning on Facebook.
Facebook?! Why are you two discussing our private life on Facebook?! Because I'm your mother and he's her father.
And sometimes we like to compare notes.
Speaking of which, how can you live with someone for 20 years and not know they don't take sugar? Oh, for! Look Maybe we have had a couple of barneys lately, but its only over stupid little things like that, it's not a big deal.
It's certainly nothing worth publishing online! Oh, isn't it? Well, let me ask you this - how often do you two still? Do we still what? Oh, my God! What's wrong with you?! I am not about to start discussing me sex life with me mother! Why don't you tell me about yours? You what? Listen, mardy-face, I'm just trying to look out for you here.
Stupid little rows about stupid little things can start getting a lot bigger if you ignore them.
Trust me.
I've been there.
I'll be right there.
Right, what are you having, love? Well? She's having a Caribbean barbecue, calypso music and cocktails.
I knew it! A few sandwiches, my arse! Have you been drinking? No.
What's with the table? Hello, hello! The party cavalry has arrived! That's brilliant! Thanks, Uncle Terry.
Hey, no worries, love.
I got peckish.
What? During the walk from the car? Yes.
Oh, thanks, Auntie Margaret.
Could you fetch some plates and stuff from the kitchen? What's going on? What does it look like? I just thought I'd put a few nibbles out, you know, for the grown-ups at the party.
But But if they fill up with food here Sorry, did you say something? Nothing.
More bags in the boot, Bazza.
Right.
You're back early.
Last lecture got cancelled.
Ella Er that lad over the road, Finn.
Yeah, what about him? You and him aren't? I mean, I know it's none of my business No, it's not.
Has Dad said something? Look, him bringing you home the other night, the state you were in, it's just OK, you're right, you're right.
Not my place.
Forget it.
I'm not stupid, Greg.
All right? I know you're not.
Well, everything's out.
It's like the last supper down there if they'd had onion rings.
Did you get hold of Dan, Lisa? I've tried ringing him.
Goes straight to voicemail.
Honestly, Dad, I don't know what's been the matter with him lately.
All he seems to do is-is snap at me or-or-or sulk.
You've been doing a fair bit of that lately yourself.
I do not snap! I-I don't sulk, anyway.
Well maybe I do.
I don't know what's been the matter with either of us.
Lisa nothing's happened, has it? No, Dad.
I promise.
Everything's the same as it's always been.
It's just that, for some reason, we keep winding each other up.
Your lav's blocked.
What? Oh, God.
Well, use that one if you have to.
No, you're all right, I'd finished, anyway.
He's back.
Blocked? Who's blocked it? Dan.
OK before you say anything I'm sorry.
You are? I am too, then.
No.
I was the one being a tit this time.
I know you're only doing this for Molly and I shouldn't have said otherwise.
But I'm here now.
So let's just make sure she has the best birthday ever.
Oh, thanks, Dan.
Oh, wait! What the bloody 'ell is this?! Just nibbles? If you need a service you've got to book ahead.
And what if I need drugs? Do I have to book ahead for those, too? Don't know what you mean.
I think you do.
Yeah? You an undercover cop or something? A friendly warning.
I don't want to see you anywhere near my daughter again.
Low rent dealers, not her type.
No? No.
And more importantly, they're not MY type, either.
Ella's been through enough shit in her life already.
Yeah.
I kind of get that impression too.
I'm choosing to take that as you agreeing with me.
OK.
Dan? What? Argh! What you doing?! Oh, well, I didn't know you were actually I thought you were in there sulking.
Again.
Dan? I'm not having this conversation now, all right? Well, that apology of yours didn't last long, did it? No, it didn't.
Cos I was right in the first place.
This IS all about getting one over on Jenna.
I'm taking my apology back.
You can't do that! I can.
Well, I'm taking mine back, too, then! Dan? Stop saying Dan! I'm obviously still in here, aren't I?! Right, that'll be another mum.
You better show your face soon, you are not ruining this.
Where's Ella? Studying.
She wants to be left alone.
And just so you know, I asked her about Finn.
You've got nothing to worry about.
Oh, she said that, did she? Well, it must be true, then.
And just so you know, Greg - much as I love the idea of you playing daddy I'd already sorted that little problem.
What does that mean? It means I had a word with him.
Suggested they weren't compatible.
He got the message.
You not gonna answer that? Might be Tanya.
She'll ring back.
Bradley! Hello? No, it's me, actually.
But Gregory's here if you want a word? She doesn't sound happy.
Tanya '.
.
to find out if you qualify, press one.
'Or to opt out, press two.
' Prick.
He never could tell his arse from his elbow.
Did you hear what I said? I said he could never tell his arse from his elbow.
Barry! Barry! Barry! There you are! Finally! Mummy's teaching you to be fashionably late, I see.
Come on, we can start opening the presents now you're here.
Hi, Dan.
I hope you're hungry.
Hungry? What's all this?! Just a few snacks.
Help yourself.
Lisa, I was laying on the food afterwards.
Oh, it's not much, everyone'll still have room for a few sandwiches.
That IS what you said you were doing, isn't it? Right, everyone, the other birthday girl's here so you know what that means - it's pressie time! Come on! Yeah He must spend hours in the bathroom just getting them He does, doesn't he? He is good, though.
Who is? Who are we talking about? Oh, it's all right, Roger, you won't know him.
Well, I might.
Who is it? Jose Enrique.
Oh, well, yes.
He's a singer, isn't he? Yeah, that's him.
Right, go and get yourselves changed and I'll see you out there.
Amita.
Amita, Amita.
Listen, um I just wanted to, erm to ask you something.
Yeah? Well, it's-it's about the towels, actually.
I've noticed that in the changing room there are quite a few towels that haven't been dried properly.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Andy, you do the towels, don't you? What's wrong with the towels? Nothing-nothing-nothing wrong with the towels.
Don't know why I mentioned it.
Very silly of me.
We'll talk No, thanks.
I don't like wearing blindfolds.
They make me fall asleep.
It's true.
It's like throwing a sheet over a parrot.
Give it here, son, I'll show you how it's done.
Here we go That's it, keep it going.
I'd hate anything to go to waste.
If you're going to skulk around in here all day, you may as well have stayed up in the bathroom.
If there wasn't a queue for the toilet I would have done.
You're quite welcome to be a knobhead any other day of the week.
But not today.
Not on Molly's birthday.
I can't believe you've done this.
You knew full well I'd arranged a big barbecue for everyone.
No, I didn't.
Sandwiches you said.
I know you sent Barry round to check up on us.
He wasn't really there to borrow milk.
Yes, he was.
We'd run out, actually.
Funny that.
Cos he asked for sugar! It's harder than it looks, this.
Terry What you doin'? You can't do anything with that now, it's been on the floor.
It'll be fine.
Don't be daft, Lisa, there's glitter and all sorts down there.
OK, don't worry, everyone, the party isn't over yet.
If you'd all like to make your way out and over the road I've organised a big Caribbean barbecue for you! Lots of room, some music, a few drinks.
My mother-in-law has agreed to watch all the little ones, and apparently Barry has offered to help her.
What? I never said that! Yeah, good idea.
Come on, let's all go, we'll clean this up later.
Come on.
Five pounds! Five pounds in one week.
That is fantastic, Fergus! Is it? Rog, five pounds! Yes, I heard.
You're really committed to this, aren't you? I am.
I really am.
D'you know what it is? It's having targets.
Targets and goals.
It's just like in business.
Yeah! Yeah, that is a really good analogy.
In fact I wouldn't normally suggest something like this so early on, but we do a sponsored mini-marathon for charity every year.
Next one's only three weeks away.
How do you fancy signing up for it? Something to work towards? Sounds great.
Of course, it would mean some extra sessions, with me, outside of gym hours.
Yeah, it's no problem.
All right, then, tell you what, let me give you my private number and I'll do it.
Sorry? The mini marathon.
I want to do it too.
Um, are you sure? Yes.
Absolutely.
As long as it's for charity, y'know? OK! Well, I'll go get the forms.
Oh, hello! Brandy, isn't it? Yes.
Um Denise, was it? Yeah, Denise! I've never been to one of these do's before.
Oh, I like your dress, it looks amazing on you.
I should hope so.
It's an exclusive.
Did the agency loan it to you, like mine? No, not this one.
It was a gift.
From a client at one of these parties.
I'm off out now.
Be back by closing, though.
They've got it covered.
We're never busy on a Monday anyway.
No problem.
So how come you're not locked away in your office? Well, I do have some downtime, you know.
All right, see you later.
Hey! Why don't you come with me? Pauline, as much as I enjoy your company, two-year-olds' birthday parties aren't exactly my forte.
Forget that.
All the adults are heading over to the Millers after.
Dan reckons they've got some big marquee thing up and music.
You know what they're like.
It'll be a right laugh.
All right, I shall be delighted to join you.
Shall we take the Merc? Oh, great! What do you want? Is, er Ella in? What?! Hiya.
Oh, hi, what's up? Nothing really.
Mum's chucking some kids' party barbecue thing.
So I figured I'd do one for the evening.
Get some food.
Maybe go see a film.
Thought you might fancy coming along? Oh, um I'm not really dressed for it.
Nah, you look great.
Yeah? Sounds good.
Let's go.
See you later, Mr Dawson.
Greg.
You're empty.
Am I? Oh, yes! Sorry.
Allow me.
I'm Juan.
Denise.
Denise.
That's Juan Werner.
He owns the fourth-largest record label in Europe.
Be nice to him.
I'm nice to everybody.
Excuse me.
She's not picking up.
That talk you had with her worked wonders, didn't it? Almost as well as yours.
Hardly quaking in his boots, was he? Must be losing your touch.
Finn's surname It wouldn't be Miller, would it? No idea.
Right.
Well, since we've nothing better to do here, how's about we go and check out that party? What am I all of a sudden, your plus fucking one? I'm fine here, ta.
Suit yourself.
Hello! What do you mean, "Hello"? Sorry.
I mean, 'ello, 'ello, 'ello.
"A few snacks", you said! A few snacks and a couple of drinks.
I definitely said there'd be drinks.
You didn't say anything about sodding Mardi Gras! How much did all this cost? Can we talk about this later, babe? You really need to go and get changed.
Is everything all right? Yeah.
Fine.
I think I might try one of your cocktails.
Help yourself.
You thirsty? Eh? Oh, yeah.
Pauline! We're playing some board-games with the kids.
Do you want to join in? What the bloody hell would I want to do that for? Ta-ra.
Dan! Bradley.
I, um How you are? Good to see you! Yeah! And you.
Greg said you were, er back.
Where is Greg? Greg's not coming, Dan.
What do you mean? Said he'd rather stay home and watch the telly.
Don't know when he got so boring.
You and me'll have to take him out some night, eh? Eh? Yeah, sure.
That's, er Anyway, I better just Thought you were in prison.
I escaped.
Keep playing with Nana and Uncle Barry, sweet-pea, I'm just going to have a chat with Mummy, OK? Leave the doors open! All right? Hey! Look who it is! Dawson?! Oh, I think you can call me Bradley.
We are neighbours now.
Plus our kids are such good friends.
I'm Ella's Dad.
Didn't you know? Well I'm sort of mid-mingle at the moment, but I'll catch you later, DI Miller.
Oh, no.
Sorry.
It's not DI any more is it? Here he is! Oh, hello, Iggly! Oh, thanks, Fergus.
I'm so sorry about getting you to pick him up.
I had to get a bus back.
It was nowhere near me Mum's.
A bus? I thought you went everywhere by private car these days.
There was one but I decided to leave the place early.
Wasn't feeling well.
Right, I better shoot.
I'll see you Friday, Josh.
Daddy weekend! What? Have you changed your shampoo? Not that I know of.
See you later, then.
Hope you're feeling better soon.
What do you mean? Oh.
Yeah.
I'm sure I will.
Right, I'll leave you to it, then.
You know where I am.
Is that your business call? Afraid so, I'll make it quick.
Colin? Are we happy? Enjoying yourself, are you? Yes, thanks.
Why did you bring him? Why wouldn't I bring him? He's my friend.
What exactly is your problem here, Dan? My problem is the pub and the flat and the expensive presents.
All from a guy you've known three weeks and with me Dad away With Dad away, what? I'm going to start leaping into bed with the first guy that flashes me a smile, am I? No, Mum, that's not what I meant at all! No? Well, if I was you, I'd start worrying more about your own marriage, instead of standing there lecturing me on mine! What was that all about? What did she mean, "our marriage?" Don't you know? The whole world's talking about it, apparently.
Talking about what? Is this about the toothpaste? Is there nobody can take over for a bit? Barry! Barry! Come on, Barry! It's your go! Barry! Barry! That Ella girl over the road, is Finn seeing her? How should I know? Who can keep up? But does this subject change mean you've forgiven me? No, it doesn't! And you still haven't told me how much all of this cost.
Does it matter? Can't we just skip to the part where I make it up to you? Is that meant to be doing it for me? Sometimes I think you only pull this shit for the making up part.
Yeah, well, he's had all the time he needs to already, hasn't he? Hang, on Colin.
I think I want to go back to the pub.
I'm fine walking.
Don't be silly.
I'll give you a lift.
Just let me finish this, I'll be right with you.
Thanks, Trevor.
It's all right.
OK, Colin, put him on.
Listen.
Listen to me, please.
I've already given him half, I didn't have long enough to get the rest.
'But I swear to you I'll' Shh, shh, shh.
You've got one week.
Thank you! 'Thank you, Mr Parkwood!' You're sure? He's caught me in a good mood.
Dan? Dan? What's What's happening? We're all right, aren't we, me and you? I don't know.
But nothing's actually wrong.
Nothing's happened.
Then why do we keep fighting? Well, maybe that's what happens after 20 years.
That's a long time.
It is.
People can't still expect us to run around like a pair of loved-up teenagers, can they? No.
But apparently they do.
I don't think there's anything wrong with us.
I think we're just normal.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think you're probably right.
Yeah.
Little Miss Perfect with her perfect husband.
Every time I look out the window, they're practically rutting on the doorstep.
Is she new? She looks young.
I have no intention of going home now.
I'm stopping with you.
I do not want my daughter going out with some second-rate little drug dealer.
You really want to back away.
It's not working, Dan.
Go on! Cameron.
Tell everyone about my dirty little secret! Cameron!