The Secret Life of the American Teenager s05e04 Episode Script

GRACE: Previously on The Secret Life of the American Teenager We heard the good news! You got married! Hey, how are you? I heard you were in the hospital.
If you had cared how I am, you would have called me to tell me that you got married yourself.
This year, I'm asking each of the seniors to mentor a freshman coming into the school.
That's a great idea.
Kathy! Hey! KATHY: I don't mind talking to you, but I don't want to be like you.
There's something else I need to tell you.
I'm gay.
You have a thing for young girls, don't you? Look, pal, you just stepped over the line.
I love you! I've always loved you! Pappas is our Tebow! So why should we stay here if we could be in Italy? I can't follow you all over the world.
Does your dad know you decided to go to this cooking school? What do you think I should do? I told you, you are on your own.
Does that include all trouble? You really want to do this? Let this idiot marry us? Not really.
Thanks! We changed our mind! Oh, wait.
But wait! I love you.
I love you, too.
What are you talking about? We can't say we're not married.
We already said we are.
You're kidding me, right? We can't keep this up.
Just look at the damage done in less than a week.
We have to stop lying before this gets any worse.
Don't exaggerate.
This is not some kind of crisis, we're just telling one lie.
Uh, what? It's not one lie.
It's a lie that's leading to another one and another one and another one, because it's such a big lie! Whoa.
What are you yelling at me for? You're as much to blame for this as I am.
No, I'm not! You're the one who blurted out, "Oh, we're married!" Look, Amy, I think we have to get our parents together tonight when my dad gets home, all of them, and we have to tell them the truth.
I can't live like this.
We can't live like this.
Yes, we can.
We have to! We'll just do what my parents did.
We'll say we got married when we didn't, and then we'll get married and not say we did.
No, I don't want to do what your parents did.
I don't want to live a lie for God knows how long.
It's not even really a lie when you think about it.
It's just delaying telling the truth.
And I had to lie! My dad was so proud of us! So proud of me.
He loves me.
He'll still love you if you tell him we didn't go through with it.
We can elope any time you want.
Run off a second time? After seeing how everyone feels about our running off the first time? Yes.
Really, Amy? Yes! Really! We'll get married and they don't need to know when or where.
No, because they think we're married now, and we're not! And until then, we can't just keep lying.
We're getting into this deeper and deeper.
Calm down, all right? Don't tell me to calm down.
I hate that.
"Calm down.
" It's not a good thing to say to me when I'm not calm.
It makes me more not calm.
I'm sorry, but I can't really talk about this anymore.
I have to go.
John! This conversation isn't over.
We haven't decided what we're going to do yet.
I have.
John! Come on, sweetie.
Let's go.
You have to get to the nursery and Mommy has to get to school.
Okay? What? Amy, think about it.
We can't do this.
We can't do this to John.
There are a lot of bad consequences to lying and teaching our son that it's okay to lie could be one of them.
Telling the truth can have bad consequences, too, you know.
Come on, let's just get everything out in the open and deal with it.
We can just apologize for lying and just Just do what? Go back to not being married? I like being married, being pretend married.
I don't.
Okay, but you like me, right? (CHUCKLES) I like you.
So, just pretend to be married for right now and then you can decide where and when we get married next time.
See you later, husband.
See you later, pretend wife.
Ashley? What, are you hiding or something? (SHOUTING) No! Falling in love is such an easy thing to do Birds can do it We can do it Let's stop talking Let's get to it Let's fall in love I got a "dear Dad" letter! A "dear Dad" letter! Yeah, I heard you the first time.
So, she left? For Italy? Like you didn't know? I didn't know! I texted her and she didn't text me back.
Oh, really, Anne? Ashley has enough money to get to Italy, to live in Italy without anyone's help? She has a credit card, but I don't think that it's enough to get her to Italy.
It has a $200 limit.
Then how did she get to Italy! Toby? Toby, of course, Toby.
The two of them ran off together to have sex in Italy! If she calls either one of us, we're going to tell her to get her butt back home! I don't like the way that she left, but maybe it's not the worst thing, at least she's interested in something.
Maybe she'll become a great chef.
She's not interested in cooking.
She's not interested in anything but getting away from her family and I think she should be here right now and I want her home and I'm going to go get her.
Wait! Open the card that she addressed to me and read it to me.
Maybe she told me something she didn't tell you.
She used to tell me everything, you know, before you made her love you more than she loves me.
Well, now she loves Toby more than she loves either of us, so open the card and read it to me.
Oh, and by the way, you're responsible for her getting this bad case of wanderlust at her young age, letting her drive cross-country and flying all over Europe with her.
You're the one who took her riding around in that house on wheels after we split up.
Remember that summer? That's when she got excited about getting out and seeing the world.
(SCOFFS) Like it's a bad thing, seeing the world.
Just open the damn card! "Dear Mom.
" Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, ha! Same thing as mine! She hates goodbyes, wish her well.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
You know what? I'm going to Italy.
I'm going to Italy.
I'm gonna find her.
I'm gonna bring her home and I'm gonna leave that idiot of a boyfriend of hers over there to fend for himself.
Toby.
That teenage philanderer.
I ought to I'm here, sir.
I'll call you back.
She's gone.
Our Ashley is gone.
She's not "our Ashley.
" She's my Ashley and how the hell did she get the money to go to Italy on her own? I don't know.
I figured Anne.
It wasn't Anne.
Oh.
Well, then, I don't know.
What does your note say? A lot of stuff, seven pages of stuff.
Let me see it.
I can't do that.
And why not? Uh, it's personal.
It talks about, you know, intimate things.
Oh, geez.
She said she figured I would hate her now.
If I hated her, I wouldn't miss her and I should hate her.
But I don't.
Oh, God, what am I gonna do without her? Without Ashley? What are you doing? Uh I'm letting all the blood rush to my brain.
I'm hoping it'll help me think more clearly or that I'll just pass out and not have to think at all.
Are you on drugs or are you just acting stupid? Get up.
I'm not on drugs.
And I did actually think that that would help me focus.
All right, well, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Meaning? Meaning as long as you're not doing something crazy because you're on drugs or drinking or any of that stuff, then I'm not going to concern myself.
If you need to lie down or stand on your head or do a jig to get some focus, go at it.
Did you come in here to tell me that? No, I came in here to tell you that I was going out to dinner with Camille tonight and the conversation took a left turn when I saw you upside down.
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
Okay.
Okay.
Did you wanna ask if I wanted to go with you two? Do you want to go with the two of us? I don't know.
What time are you going? What the hell difference does it make what time we're going? If you want to go with us, you're welcome to go with us.
If you don't want to go, you're welcome to get food on your own.
You're a big boy now.
You can get your own dinner if you want to.
Or do you need me to stay here and make you dinner and feed it to you? Here comes the plane! It's your life, Ben.
You gotta man up and get it together.
I told you I wasn't gonna help you out if you got into trouble with this girl, and I'm not.
There's nothing to do.
Dylan's father wants to just sit back and wait and see what happens.
And what do you want? What's to your advantage here? To sit back and wait or to tell someone in authority what she did? It's not what she did.
It's what we did, what I did.
No.
What she did.
Have a nice day at school.
Mom, I'm at school.
I just got here.
I can't talk.
I'll call you back, all right? No, not all right.
Do you know that Ashley left for Italy? No.
I knew she was going, or she said she was going or she wanted to go or something.
So, you didn't give her the money? No.
Mom, where would I get the money to give to Ashley to go to Italy? (CHUCKLES) Don't be ridiculous.
I have to go.
Do not hang up.
I thought maybe you got some money for your wedding or something.
Like I would give my wedding money to Ashley to go to Italy? Please.
Hold on.
I have another call.
Mom! I'm at school.
My classes are gonna start any minute.
I can't hold.
It's Madison and Lauren.
I'll call you back.
Well, we were thinking we'd have a big party and invite all of Amy's family and Ricky's family and Amy's friends and Ricky's friends.
None of the girls that he slept with, though, nothing like that.
So, you and Lauren want to give Amy a wedding reception? Not a wedding reception, really.
Kind of.
It's kind of a wedding reception.
No.
I really appreciate the gesture.
It's really very kind of you, but if anyone is going to have a wedding reception for my daughter, I think it should be her mother and her father.
Well, her mother or father haven't said anything about doing anything, so I just I have to go.
No.
No wedding reception.
We ran off and got married because I don't want a wedding or a wedding reception or a party or a get-together or a luau or anything else like that.
We eloped so no one has to do anything.
But we want to do something.
You're our best friend.
You got married.
We want to celebrate with you.
We want to buy you gifts and take pictures and It's Ricky, isn't it? Ricky doesn't want anything.
That's not fair, Amy.
That's not fair to you.
No.
It's not because of Ricky.
Ricky would be fine with it.
I'm not fine with it.
And I'll tell you what's not fair.
It's not fair to me that you two went around me to my mother to do this.
Around you? That's not what we were doing, going around you.
Yeah, you told us she was upset that she didn't get to go to the wedding, so, naturally, we thought we should call her first.
Because she always feels left out and now that she's gay, we don't want her to think we're homophobic or anything because we're not.
It's not a good day to bother my mother with this.
She and my dad just found out that Ashley ran away to Italy.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) What! Amy, I'd like to have a wedding reception for you and I don't want you to say no.
Okay, well, a wedding reception would be for both Ricky and me and Ricky just doesn't want to do that and he's my husband, so I can't let you do that.
You or Dad.
Or anyone else.
But I thought you said Shh! Look, Mom, you've got enough to worry about with Ashley today.
Ricky and I are fine.
We're just fine.
Without a wedding.
Another wedding.
+ (WHISTLE BLOWS) (ALL SHOUT) (ALL SHOUT) Ready! Ready, hut! (WHISTLE BLOWING) Pappas.
Get over here.
Take five.
I'm sorry.
I have no idea what she's doing here.
It's all right.
I understand these things.
You do? You understand my old girlfriend showing up at practice? (SIGHS) Coach Watkins is gonna kick me off the team.
No, he's not.
Now get over there and make it fast.
Hi! Grace, I told you I don't want to talk to you.
Well, that's besides the point because I really want to talk to you.
This is a really nice football field, it's, like, so pretty! I'm at football practice.
This isn't high school! I can't just take time out to talk to you.
No matter how pretty it is here.
Obviously you can.
What are you doing? Don't be waving to my coaches, Grace.
Are you nuts? I'm nuts about our lord, Jesus.
Oh, no.
You came over here to witness to me? I just feel like a new person since going back to my old religion.
Which, by the way, is also your religion.
I just hope that we can share that religion together again.
I'd like us to share something together again, which is why I am not interested in renewing my faith in a religion that doesn't condone sex in casual relationships.
So, you're still sinning with Raven? Kind of.
Oh, no.
Let me guess.
You've settled once again for oral sex and other things when what you really want is a real relationship with a woman that you love and that loves you.
I gotta go.
So, I was talking to Coach Watkins What! And he doesn't have any objections to you being a little more public about being a Christian.
I am not a Christian.
I don't claim to be a Christian.
I don't wanna be a Christian or a Muslim or a Buddhist or a Republican or a Democrat.
And I can't pretend to be something I'm not.
Isn't that exactly what you're doing? What? You're pretending not to be a Christian when I know that you are.
No, I'm not.
I gotta go.
Well, thank you for talking to me.
I didn't want to talk to you.
And don't ever show up at this practice field again, Grace.
Coach Watkins says I'm welcome here any time.
Have a blessed practice! She's a Christian? I'm not sure.
I don't know what the requirements are, but she says she is.
It's a good angle.
Christian quarterback still in love with his high school virgin girlfriend.
Mmm-mmm.
Press doesn't have to know that.
Adrian! This is so cool! Look at you! You're in college.
Not really, not for a couple more days.
I'm just in the college bookstore.
I'll see you around, okay, Grace? Okay, I totally deserve this.
Look, I'm really sorry about how I acted the last time I saw you.
Shh.
Do not say anything about anything.
This is my new school.
This is my new life.
Speaking of new life Don't say anything about that, either.
About you and your new life.
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to believe it.
You're like the boy that cried wolf too many times.
You're right, you're absolutely right.
But, you know, eventually there was a wolf, a real wolf.
Just like there is a real No, no, no, no.
Don't want to hear it.
I don't blame you for not believing me.
I haven't exactly been a good shepherd the past few years.
Or is it sheep? Good sheep? Can sheep be both plural and singular? I haven't been a good leader or a good follower, a good shepherd or a good sheep? Neither.
You've been more like a good fisher of men.
I can't believe you even know the reference! Yeah, look, I just came to pick up a book I ordered and then I'm getting out of here, so good luck to you and have a good senior year and we'll see you.
Or not.
Well, I'm really happy that I ran into you.
I really missed you.
And I really wanted to apologize, so thanks for letting me do that.
And I don't know if you're interested but if you want to come to church with me any time, I'd love to take you.
Not interested.
I understand.
But maybe some time in the future.
No.
Okay, well, just let me know if you change your mind.
I won't change my mind.
(SIGHING) Look, Adrian, I just think that maybe the school board would look more favorably on Omar if you're both churchgoers, you know? Okay, I hope I'm not going to be hitting myself in the head later for asking you this, but what the hell are you talking about? The investigation.
What investigation? The investigation into whether or not Omar is a pervert.
Omar is having the school board investigate the whole thing to try to clear his name.
But that may prove to be more difficult than he thinks.
Because? Because first he dated you, and then he came to our school where there are many more high school girls.
Omar is not a pervert.
That's ridiculous.
And I don't believe anyone on the school board is going to believe that.
I know, but that's the power of suggestion.
Ben suggested that Omar is a pervert and now people at school are talking about it like it's a possibility.
But I'm sure the lord will see Omar through his travails.
You know what? I hate the lingo.
Okay? The travails, the lords, the sheep, the Fish? Can't help it.
I'm just filled with the spirit.
Yeah.
You're filled with something.
Have a blessed afternoon in the bookstore, Adrian.
+ (RINGING) Go ahead.
Hi, Adrian, could I call you back? You know Omar is having the school investigate your calling him a pervert? I have to call you back.
I'm actually In a meeting.
A meeting with who? Let me call you back.
Oh, yeah.
Let's talk about your calling Omar a pervert.
Look, it's nothing.
Nothing legal, anyway.
Not like this fire situation.
Uh, it could be legal.
And it could be worse than this fire situation.
Is Omar a pervert? Do you have reason to believe he's a pervert? No.
Not really.
And that's not what I came here to talk about.
I realize that, but, (SIGHS) Ben, if you're going around calling teachers perverts, you better have a reason.
And if you do have a reason, I want to know, because, one, he's a danger to the school and, two, he says he's in love with Adrian.
Well, there's no evidence that he's a pervert.
Is it your gut feeling he's a pervert? No, look.
I pretty much just falsely accused him of being a pervert and now there's some school board investigation or something.
Yeah.
And if they conclude that you made up some lie that harms Omar's reputation, there might be a civil case against you to go along with the criminal case.
I know that.
Look.
I just went into that school with Dylan to get a tour of the school and we ended up in the science lab and Stop! Just stop right there.
I advise you to get an attorney.
Really? Before you confess to a crime, well, yeah, you're gonna need to get an attorney.
Are you about to confess to a crime? Does your father know you're doing this? No.
He told me to handle it on my own.
Look, Ben, the reason I wanted to talk to you the other day was that I thought you knew something you weren't saying, like maybe your girlfriend did something that you would never do, maybe you were covering up for something that you might want to tell me about.
Does that mean there's a criminal investigation going on? Dylan's father said there wasn't.
But, of course, I guess you wouldn't necessarily tell either one of us if there was or if we're Oh, God, are we suspects? Arson suspects? You're not going to faint again, are you? I hope not.
Okay.
Look, let's get your dad to come in.
He should be here.
No.
I don't want my dad to come in.
Look.
He told me to handle it on my own and I'm going to handle it.
I don't think I started any fire at that school, but I was there.
And we lit a Bunsen burner Oh, geez, Ben! (SIGHS) (INTERCOM BEEPS) Carol? Yes, sir? Could you get me Detective Shanahan, please? Right away.
What? I'm going out with Jack for her.
I'm trying to get information.
And I'm not getting it by having sex with him.
We're just fooling around.
There are better ways to get information.
We can just get Wendy to ask her dad if he knows anything about the school burning down.
No, we can't! We can't ask him! He's a cop.
Which is why he would know something.
Oh, no.
Is that where Wendy is? Is she talking to her dad? I don't know.
She might be.
(SIGHS) Great.
What if he jumps to the conclusion that all of us are involved? Why all of us and not Wendy? Because he doesn't think that Wendy could be involved with anything illegal.
Why not? Why not? Because she hasn't had sex.
So, he totally trusts her.
I've got that same thing going on here.
What does not having sex have to do with not starting a fire? It makes Wendy and me more trustworthy.
We don't have sex so we don't do anything wrong.
Except maybe burn a school down here and there.
No, I didn't! I did not burn the school down.
Who lit the Bunsen burner? The Bunsen burner? Who lit it? You lit it? (SIGHING) Oh, no.
Who lit the Bunsen burner? Don't answer that.
I don't remember.
I'm your attorney.
I'm here to advise you.
And I advise you to not answer any questions at this time, Mr.
Boykewich.
But I really don't remember.
How can that hurt me? You might remember later.
And (CHUCKLES) And it'll look as if you lied about not remembering.
Don't answer any more questions, please.
Let me ask you something.
Is this your first case? What difference does that make? I don't remember who lit the Bunsen burner.
(CLEARS THROAT) + I thought I might find you here.
(CHUCKLES) I work here.
Yeah.
I brought you some tacos, thought you might like a little snack.
Thanks for coming by, but don't shut that door.
Why did you tell the school board to investigate whether or not you're a pervert? I had to, but we can't talk about it.
The investigation could end up going the other way.
It's the power of suggestion.
Ben said you were a pervert and now people might actually think that for no reason.
As much as I'd like to continue this conversation, I really can't.
I've been told not to talk about this with anyone.
And I have a feeling the school board might want to ask you a few questions.
I'm not a student here.
They can't ask me any questions.
Adrian, I don't know how that works.
Maybe they can, maybe they can't.
But if they do, just tell them the truth.
Okay, well, the truth is everyone lies.
So, if they ask me anything, I'm going to tell them we're both Christians and that we were attracted to each other because we are both sheep.
And the lord has seen us through many travails.
Who are you, my mother? Do not pretend to be something you're not.
Not for me, anyway.
I love you just the way you are.
And we haven't done anything wrong.
And I haven't done anything wrong.
That might not matter.
(SIGHS) Oh, look who's here.
Bye, Adrian.
You see how that's done? You talk, then you walk.
Bye, Adrian.
You walk.
You're not getting the walk portion of this lecture.
Walk with me.
Uh That's how it's done.
And keep walking.
You were told not to discuss this matter with anyone.
I know.
And keep walking.
Bunny said to tell you to cook this cut longer and slower if you have the time, like 325 for three hours.
Perfect.
Thanks.
Hi, Son-in-law.
Hi, Mom.
I guess you got three moms now.
I'm a lucky guy, I think.
What are you doing here? I was driving down to talk to George about Ashley.
Ashley took off for Italy without telling anyone.
Oh, yeah, Amy texted me.
We didn't give her any money.
Ashley's pretty resourceful and she's smart, so I guess she'll be okay.
Still, she is only 17, and I feel really guilty for suggesting that she might like that school.
Anyway, I guess that Ashley's just being Ashley.
I guess she's on her own whether we like it or not.
Just like you and Amy are on your own, but I want you to know that I would very much like to be a part of your life together.
Okay, well, thanks for dropping by.
Wait, I'd like to talk to you.
Can you take five minutes? Uh, Bunny really hates it when we have visitors.
Okay, then I'll buy something.
Give me three steaks.
I'll take some steaks over to the house for your mom and for George.
We'll have steak tonight.
Oh, no, you don't have to buy anything.
No, it's fine, I don't want you to get into trouble.
I'll bring over some steaks to you after work.
No.
I don't want you to do that.
I wanna just pay for the steaks and take them out of here like any other customer.
So, give me three steaks and I want you and Amy to have a wedding.
How 'bout just the steaks? Ricky, I know it's not important to you right now but it is important to have some kind of celebration with friends and family.
Maybe for other couples, but it's just not important to us.
Not important to the two of you or not important to you? My mom is dying.
Her Alzheimer's is getting worse and I want her there at your wedding.
It'll make up for her not being at my wedding.
And I know that sounds selfish, and it is selfish, but please, Ricky, I don't want Amy to regret my not being at her wedding like I'm regretting my mother not being at my wedding.
But, I hate to point this out, you're divorced.
I don't care.
I still wish my mother was at my wedding.
But you're gay.
Does the wedding even matter now? That's not the point.
The point is not to have regrets.
So, please, Ricky.
Let me just throw you a wedding, or a wedding reception or a party or something else.
Sooner or later, someone is going to do it and I want it to be me.
I want to be a part of your lives.
I wanna be a part of Amy's life.
(SIGHS) I don't know what to say.
Then say yes.
Look.
I can't speak for Amy, I can't, but whatever Amy says, I'll go along with her.
No, whatever you say, Amy will go along with you.
How about we just have a little, small wedding in the backyard? All you have to do is show up.
You have to ask Amy.
You eloped when George asked you to elope, so you already had the wedding he asked you to have, so now I'm asking you to have the wedding that I want you to have.
What's the big deal? You're already married.
What's the harm in celebrating? (SIGHS) Oh, man.
I know this is a terrible thing to do to you but I'm only asking you because I really want you to do it.
And I think that it's something that Amy wants, too.
I'm not so sure about that.
Amy told me, Ricky.
She told me that you don't want to have a wedding but that she does.
I thought that maybe she didn't.
That she ran off because she didn't wanna have a wedding or she didn't want me at her wedding if she had one.
But, apparently that's not true and I feel guilty for even thinking that.
So, come on, let her have a wedding.
It's not a matter of me letting her.
Wait.
Amy said I don't want a wedding? She said she wants a wedding, but I don't? That's what she said this morning.
All right, then.
All right? Yeah.
Whatever you want.
Whatever you and Amy want.
And do it up as big as you want.
Go all out.
Well, I don't know how big Amy would want.
I don't know either.
But the sooner, the better.
Well, if it's going to be a big wedding, it's gonna take some time.
How about we go back to that July fourth date that you set in the first place? That's almost a year from now.
It'll give me time to find a date for the wedding.
I'm sure you'll be dating soon enough.
I hope so.
Thank you Ricky.
Amy is going to be so happy! I'm so glad you let me talk you into this! Yeah.
You talked me into this.
And when Amy asks how this happened, remember that.
You talked me into this.
Don't forget your steaks.
I got what I wanted.
Bye.
I love you.
Oh.
Love you, too.
And please, take the steaks.
+ You know, arson cases are really hard to prove.
Unless someone confesses! I didn't confess.
Yeah, you kind of did.
Fine.
I just want to get it over with.
(CHUCKLES) This is just starting.
This is gonna go on for months and months.
The arson investigation might have come to a close this week if you hadn't confessed! Yeah, but I'd still be worrying day to day whether I had done the right thing.
I can use that.
That's the first thing that you've said that I could possibly use.
Hey, Dad, what are you doing out here? Hey.
Oh! I brought you something.
Dinner.
Uh, this is not a good time.
Thanks and I'll see you later.
Uh, from Poppy's Tacos.
Oh, come on, have dinner with me.
Adrian, this is really sweet of you but you should have called first.
I'm right in the middle of something.
Oh, geez.
You know about Ben and the fire? Is that what this is about? Um I had to excuse myself from the case, of course.
He confessed.
He came in and confessed to burning the school down.
I was pretty sure he'd rat out the girlfriend, but no.
The school.
Yeah.
The girlfriend's school, right? Right.
(SCOFFS) Uh Yeah, I didn't know.
What do you mean you didn't know? Why'd you bring me dinner if you didn't know? I thought you might be able to stop the school board from continuing this investigation with Omar.
I don't want him to get pegged as a perv.
Well, I can't do anything about that.
That's not a criminal case.
It's just a school board investigation.
Right now, anyway.
But you're right, it could backfire.
But if it doesn't, I wouldn't be surprised if it turns into a civil case.
Especially since Ben comes from the money he comes from.
Wait a minute.
Do you think there's any possibility my condo could be taken away? I doubt it.
But, Adrian, you can always live with us.
I'm done here.
That kid's an idiot.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is this the girlfriend? Ex-wife.
Oh.
Your Daughter.
Sorry.
Wow.
Ben? Ben burned down the school? I burned What are you doing here? Well.
I came down here to try to save Omar but you need divine intervention just as much as he does.
How would you feel about going to church? Geez, it was just an idea.
No? (REUNITED  PLAYING) I remember how much fun we used to have cooking together.
Do you remember what we did after dinner? (CHUCKLES) Not after.
That was before.
Oh, that's right.
And a couple of times, during.
(KATHLEEN CHUCKLING) (SCREAMS) It's like seeing a jack-in-the-box in the window, isn't it? Is she waiting for us to tell her to come in or what? It's still her house.
Ooh, she's mad.
Aren't you going to invite me in? Hi, Anne.
Not you.
You don't live here.
Does she? No.
And neither do you.
But come on in, it's your house.
I didn't know you were coming, but it is your house.
Did you hear from Ashley? Did you? I asked you first.
I'll just be in the living room or somewhere.
Oh, no, stay here.
This is what life with George will be like.
Not like this.
Not like flowers and candles and dancing.
Did you want to dance with her? No, I did not.
I wanted to come and have dinner with you and Nora to talk about Amy's and Ricky's wedding, which I'm planning.
Not to say I won't be including the rest of you in the decision making.
That's over, done, already taken care of.
I planned the wedding and the wedding is over.
They want to have another wedding, a real wedding.
No they don't.
You do, so you can get over Mimsy not coming to ours.
Okay, we can talk about this some other time.
I have to get home.
And by the way, Ashley did call me.
No, she didn't.
If she had, you'd know where she got the money, and if you knew where she got the money, you wouldn't be here.
You'd be over at Mimsy's or wherever her husband Eugene is.
If he's still around.
He's still around.
George, just tell her.
I don't need your help.
Ow! Ow! Okay! Okay, it was your mother.
Apparently, Eugene missed one of her accounts.
She sent sugarplum 10 grand.
What! That's right.
So I guess we'll be seeing Ashley in what, a couple of years? How did this happen? I'll tell you how it happened.
Even with her brain not working, she's smarter than all of us.
Ten grand? (SIGHS) Okay, I have to go.
I have to get home.
Good night.
Good night, Kathleen.
And I'm sorry about before.
Of course, you're welcome to come to the wedding.
Even if you come with him.
Hmm.
Of course you'll come with him.
Wedding's over.
No wedding.
Either way, I really appreciate the invitation.
And don't go like this.
Why don't you stay and have dinner with us.
No! Well, I did bring some steaks.
Perfect! Sounds good.
Come on.
Sit down.
I don't know where he is.
I feel really bad how I left this morning.
It's hard not to help him.
It's also hard to watch him continue to screw up.
Leo, if Ben gets involved in some kind of criminal case, I think maybe you should help him.
No.
I said I wouldn't.
And I'm not going to.
I have to draw the line some place and this may not a good place, but what is? Well, I agree with the part where you said this isn't a good place.
Look, you can't let Ben go to jail.
Ah, he's not gonna go to jail, but he's going to have to think he is before he stops rescuing girls who like to get into trouble.
I'm going to have to let him be scared out of his wits.
Otherwise, he's not going to learn anything.
My guys tell me they don't think the police will ever pursue this.
There's not any evidence that it's anything other than a leaky gas line.
Still, he has to clear himself.
(KNOCKS) I confessed.
You confessed? To what, exactly? I don't know.
That I started the fire.
That we were there and we lit the Bunsen burner and we may have burned down the school.
You don't know that you did that but you confessed? What! Isn't that what you wanted me to do? I wanted you to tell the truth to Ruben, or whoever you talked to.
It was your girlfriend who lied her way into the building.
It was your girlfriend who roasted the marshmallows over that Bunsen burner, and she lit that Bunsen burner.
Yeah, but Yeah, but it was your girlfriend who locked up, turned off the lights and closed the door.
You told me that.
Did you tell Ruben that in your confession? I left it at "I can't remember.
" And the police are all involved now.
I got a public defender.
What! Look.
You wanted me to handle it and I handled it.
Maybe you should go back to letting all the blood rush to your brain.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Dylan.
Hi, I was going to call you.
Why is there a Detective Shanahan in the living room with my parents? Don't panic.
It's all going to be fine.
No, it's not.
+ Go find Bennie and he can eat dinner with us, okay? Okay? Okay.
Okay.
Thanks, bud.
Who's Bennie? His bear.
I thought that was Frankie.
His new friend at school is Bennie, so Now the bear is Bennie.
Ooh! What smells so good? Lasagna.
I didn't have a lot of time.
I closed up the shop tonight for Bunny.
Here.
You got a package from Mimsy.
It came overnight.
Just toss it, it's probably just another bag of socks.
She keeps sending me socks.
You can open it later.
Guess who dropped by today? Who? Your mom.
Are you calling one of your moms my mom or you mean Anne.
Your mom.
She dropped by here? By the butcher shop.
(SIGHS) Oh, no.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Did you tell her I didn't want to have a wedding? I'm sorry.
I had to tell her that.
I couldn't take the pressure.
You can take the pressure.
Uh, no, actually I can't.
I couldn't.
What does that mean? That means I agreed to have a wedding.
You did what? I told you this lie is getting bigger and bigger and now we have to have a wedding.
Or a wedding reception.
Or a big party or something.
No, we don't! And I certainly do not want my mother in charge of our wedding or a wedding reception or a big party for us! Why is that? Because that's the reason why I didn't want a big wedding in the first place! I don't want her to be at our wedding! Because? Because I'm not that comfortable with her being gay and my parents being divorced and her being gay.
And you know what else? I hate Ashley! She's not comfortable with it either and she just ran away! Again! To Europe! I've never even been to Canada! Well, at least you're starting to tell the truth, my fake wife.
We're going back to that squirrel guy.
Even if we do, we're still going to have to go along with the wedding that your mother wants to have all because you said you wanted a wedding and I didn't.
Ugh! Why did I tell our stupid parents that we're married? Yeah.
Grace talked to Jack's dad and he said we could use the church hall as long as there's no drugs or alcohol involved.
I don't know, Madison.
Amy's mom was pretty clear that she didn't want us to do anything.
Well, it's not a wedding.
They're already married, it's just A party for the whole school? Not for the whole school, but we don't want to leave anyone out so we should probably just invite anyone who wants to come.
But no parents of course, that way Mrs.
Juergens Oh, wait.
She's not Mrs.
Juergens anymore.
What do we call her? What we've always called her, Amy's mom.
Right.
Well, Amy's mom doesn't have to know.
Yeah, but what if she does throw them a wedding, then she'll be upset with us and she won't invite us.
Amy is not going to let her throw her a wedding.
Ricky doesn't want one.
No, it was Amy who doesn't want one.
I don't care who wants what.
It's a good reason to throw a party, and Amy should probably register for some china or some flatware.
Yeah, and crystal or glasses.
And linens.
They'll need linens, like sheets and towels and stuff.
Yeah.
And pots and pans.
'Cause Ricky loves to cook.
And I bet they don't have a coffeemaker.
I don't think they drink coffee.
Okay, well, they'll need other appliances.
Like a popcorn maker.
A waffle iron.
A blender.
Not a wedding, a dinner party.
For 50 people or so.
That's not a wedding.
If we're going to throw a wedding, let's throw a wedding.
I'm from India.
I know how to do this! We'll pitch a tent on that vacant lot down the street, invite four or five hundred people, and have the bride and groom ride in on elephants.
Oh, that would be fun, wouldn't it? But no, I don't think we'll get 'em to go along with that.
And who are the four or five hundred people we'd invite? Probably had a hundred children through here.
Let's invite all of them and all their adoptive families, and what about your family back in New York? Wouldn't your aunts, your mom's sisters, like to see Ricky and Amy wearing those wedding bands? Well, that would be nice, but they hate to travel.
They won't fly.
We never spend any money.
This is my only son's wedding.
We'll have them driven out.
Oh, It'd be nice to see them.
And, you know, they've never met Ricky.
Then you will see them.
So, are you going to be bringing your family over, too? Let's not go crazy.
It's your mother, isn't it? She still doesn't like me.
She'll come around.
After 20 years? We didn't have a wedding.
She was insulted.
Well.
We'll definitely have to get her over here for this one.
Yeah, hi.
I was wondering how much would it be to, like, have a dinner at your restaurant for, say, a dozen people.
To start? I don't know.
A green salad.
Yeah.
I'll go with that.
Choice of dressings? Yeah, give 'em a choice.
Oh! And we'll need some meat.
Maybe chicken or something that tastes like chicken.
Dessert.
Yeah, we'll need dessert.
Okay, cake.
That's great.
Just a small, very small wedding cake.
That's everything.
What! Are you kidding me? Forget it.
They're already married, anyway! (SCOFFS) No.