Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! (2007) s05e04 Episode Script
Choices
1
Announcer: IT'S
"BRULE'S RULES" WITH CHANNEL 5's
DR. STEVE BRULE.
Dr. Brule: HI.
I'M DR. STEVE BRULE WITH SOME
BAD NEWS.
MY AUNT JOANNE JUST DIED.
TIM AND ERIC
AWESOME SHOW
TIM AND ERIC
AWESOME SHOW
Tim: WELCOME TO THE "TIM AND
ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!"
Eric: GUESS WHAT.
IT'S TIM'S LAST DAY.
[ DRUMBEATS ]
Tim: GONNA ASK ME ABOUT WHA
I MIGHT GONNA BE UP TO, OR
Eric: TIM, WHY THE HECK YOU
LEAVING THE SHOW?
Tim: I, ACTUALLY, ERIC
AM WORKING ON PUBLISHING MY
FIRST BOOK.
I AM A BOOKMAN.
AND IT'S CALLED "CHOICES."
IT'S BECOME A HUGE BEST SELLER,
SO I'M LEAVING MY DAY JOB AND
GOING OUT AND PURSUING MY REAL
DREAM OF BECOMING A PUBLISHED
AUTHOR.
SO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THIS HAS BEEN A REAL TREA
WORKING HERE WITH YOU.
Eric: WELL, TIM, ON BEHALF OF
EVERYONE ON THE STAFF OF THE
"AWESOME SHOW" AND RICHARD DUNN,
I WANT TO CONGRATULATE ON YOUR
NEW BOOK --
WHAT IS THIS?
Tim: WELL, THIS IS "CHOICES."
Eric: WHY DOES IT HAVE MY
FACE ON IT?
Tim: DON'T
I WAS GONNA E-MAIL YOU ABOU
THIS.
IT'S
Eric: "THE PROBLEM WITH
ERIC WAREHEIM"?
Tim: WELL, IT'S AN
AUTOGRAPHICAL BOOK ABOUT OUR
FRIENDSHIP AND PRETTY MUCH THE
WORKING RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE.
Eric: LOOKS LIKE IT'S A
[BLEEP] BOOK TO ME.
Tim: [ CLICKS TONGUE ]
Eric: CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR
NEW LIFE.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
Tim: THANK -- THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
Eric: THIS AREA'S CLOSED NOW.
I HAD THE HONOR AND PRIVILEGE
OF WORKING WITH A LOT OF REALLY
OUTSTANDING ACTORS.
YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE
BUSINESS 35 YEARS.
HAVE YOU DONE MOTION CAPTURE?
ABSOLUTELY.
WORKED ON THIS FEATURE IN, LIKE,
JANUARY -- DECEMBER, JANUARY --
THAT WAS JUST AWFUL.
[ LAUGHS ]
AND I'M LIKE, "EXCUSE ME.
I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM."
SO, DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK
YOU'RE GONNA GET A GOOD
PERFORMANCE OUT OF YOUR CREW
WHEN YOU YELL AND SCREAM A
THEM?
NO.
[ LAUGHS ]
I GOT THAT ONE FROM MY DAD.
DID YOU EVER WORK ON
"JOURNEYMAN"?
YEAH, I WORKED A SHOW THA
WAS WORKING ACROSS THE STAGE --
THE STAGE ACROSS THE STREET.
WHICH ONE?
IT WAS "DRAGNET," 1989.
MM-HMM.
I WAS ON THE CREW THAT HUNG YOUR
SCAFFOLDING.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
BUT I WORKED THE [BLEEP] OU
OF THAT SHOW.
I WORKED THAT WHOLE PERIOD A
THAT LOT.
I WORKED ON "EMERGENCY."
I STARTED WITH
"BATTLESTAR GALACTICA."
I WORKED ON THAT.
I WORKED ON "QUINCY."
"LAVERNE & SHIRLEY,"
"MORK & MINDY."
"NANCY DREW."
MY FACE SHOULD LOOK A LITTLE
BIT FAMILIAR TO YOU, 'CAUSE I
WASON THAT SHOW FOR A LONG
TIME.
SORRY, BARRY.
THANKS FOR BEING WITH US.
AND THANKS FOR WATCHING
"ALL DOLLED UP."
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
[ BANG! ]
SO, DAVE, HOW'S YOUR LOVE
LIFE?
THANK YOU FOR ASKING,
LAMBADOG.
I MET A NICE LADY, AND IT'S
TAKEN CARE OF.
AND I MADE A SONG ABOUT HER.
AND LET'S START WITH THE MUSIC.
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE
WITH AN INSECT WOMAN
FROM ANOTHER WORLD
I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE
WITH AN INSECT GIRL
WHEN I MAKE LOVE TO HER
IT'S LIKE GETTING BIT BY
BEDBUGS
WHEN SHE LEAVES MARKS ON MY
BODY
THEY'RE REALLY LOVE MARKS
IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH AN
INSECT WOMAN ALL MORNING, WHA
DO YOU DO WITH THE REST OF THE
DAY?
I GIVE BIRTH TO THOUSANDS OF
SPIDER BABIES THAT LEAVE WEBS
ALL OVER MY BED.
SHE'S A WOMAN
SHE'S AN INSEC
SHE'S A WOMAN
SHE'S AN INSECT!
SHE'S A WOMAN
SHE'S A WO-O-O-MA-A-A-A-N
[ INSECT BUZZING ]
[ COUGHS ]
[ INSECT BUZZING ]
Tim: FOR ME, IT'S LIKE, "WHA
AM I GONNA DO WITH THE CASH
RIGHT AWAY?"
AND I GREW UP READING PEOPLE
LIKE JOHN STEINBECK AND
STEVE KING AND EVERYBODY LIKE
THAT, SO FOR ME TO BE A
PUBLISHED AUTHOR IS SORT OF A
DREAM COME TRUE, AND
FOR HE'S A JELLO GOOD
FELLOW
FOR HE'S A JELLO GOOD
FELLOW
FOR HE'S A JELLO GOOD
FELLOW
NOBODY CAN BE DENIED
FOR HE'S A [MUMBLES] FELLOW
NOBODY CAN BE DENIED
Tim: WELL, GUYS, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH FOR COMING.
THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THA
YOU'RE HERE FOR THIS, AND I PRAY
THAT WE KEEP IN TOUCH, AND YOU
KNOW MY CELL, SO MAKE SURE YOU
PASS IT AROUND.
THIS IS FOR YOU.
I REALLY APPRECIATE --
[ SPLAT! ]
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!
Eric: IT'S FOR THIS BOOK,
MAN.
IT'S A BUNCH OF LIES.
"ERIC DOESN'T HAVE A PENIS.
IT'S JUST SOME SCAR TISSUE FROM
A LARGE VAGINA THAT WAS SEWED
SHUT."
Tim: MAYBE IT IS TRUE.
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
Eric: DUDE, HERE -- "EVEN IF
ERIC DID HAVE A PENIS, IT WOULD
BE A TINY, BLACK PENIS."
MY MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA READ
THIS, MAN.
THIS IS ALL LIES.
Tim: WELL, LISTEN, I GOT TO
DO SOMETHING, ERIC.
IT'S A BEAR MARKET OUT THERE
WITH BOOKS.
I GOT TO PUT IN SOME KIND OF
TRASH.
[ SMACK! ]
YOU WANT TO GO?
[ WHAP! ]
[ WHAP! ]
[ WHAP! ]
[ WHAP! ]
[ SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! ]
[ WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! ]
[ SMACK! ]
[ CRACK! ]
[ SLURP! ]
[ SMACK! ]
Eric: AAH!
[ SMACK! ]
Tim: OOH!
[ WHAP! ]
UNH!
[ WHAP! ]
UNH!
[ BLUB! ]
[ SMACK! SMACK! ]
[ SMACK! SMACK! ]
HA!
Eric: UNH!
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
GOOD LUCK ON YOUR BOOK
CAR-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-EER.
Tim: [ SIGHS ]
GUYS, I-I'M SORRY.
I GOT TO GO GET MY FRIEND BACK.
ERI-I-I-I-C!
EHHHHHHHEH.
WHAT?
EHHHH
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE MONEY'S
ALL GONE?
I'M SORRY, JIM.
YOU'RE GONNA LOSE THE HOUSE.
NO, WE CAN'T LOSE THE HOUSE.
THERE'S REALLY NOTHING I CAN
DO AT THIS POINT, JIM.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT MY FAMILY?
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED GETTING A
JOB?
NO!
NO, THAT'S NOT AN OPTION!
SON OF A BITCH!
[ GUN COCKS ]
[ WHIMPERS ]
DINNER'S READY, HON!
[ SQUEAK! ]
[ SNIFFS ]
[ SNIFFING ]
WHAT IS THAT?
LAMB?
YOU'RE MAKING LAMB WITH OUR
MONEY PROBLEMS?!
FOR GOD'S SAKE, JENNIFER, WHA
WERE YOU THINKING?!
I'M GONNA KILL ALL OF YOU, AND
THEN I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF!
RELAX, HON.
IT'S NOT LAMB.
IT'S H'AMB FROM CINCO FARMS.
CINCO FARMERS HAVE TAKEN THE
ESSENCE OF REAL LAMBS AND
HAM-RELATED PRODUCTS AND KNEADED
IT INTO A FRESH H'AMB LOAF.
H'AMB ALSO COMES WITH THE
ESSENCE OF LAMB AEROSOL SPRAY,
FILLING THE WHOLE HOUSE WITH THE
WONDERFUL SMELL OF LAMB.
I SMELL LIKE LAMB.
H'AMB.
H'AMB.
H'AMB.
All: [ Chanting ] H'AMB,
H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB
SO GOOD WITH RADISHES.
All: [ Chanting ] H'AMB,
H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB,
H'AMB.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
IF YOU LOVE LAMB, YOU'LL LOVE
H'AMB.
THANKSCINCO.
AND FOR THE SEAFOOD LOVERS,
NOW THERE'S HAM'BSTER.
[ GUNSHOT, THUD ]
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO MOVE TO A
BIG PLANET TO HAVE ALL THESE
LITTLE INSECT BABIES.
[ BURPS ]
EXCUSE ME.
[ BURPS ]
OH, MY GOODNESS. EXCUSE ME.
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
Tim: EHHH!
THERE YOU ARE.
[ SIGHS ]
GEEZ.
I-I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS BOOK.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN
IT.
I'M S--
Eric: I MEAN, IT JUST HURTS.
Tim: I TELL YOU WHAT I'M
GONNA DO.
GIVE ME THAT.
I'M GONNA TEAR OUT EVERY PAGE OF
THIS BOOK THAT'S NOT TRUE.
Eric: YEAH?
Tim: RIP!
Both: RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
Tim: [ LAUGHS ]
Both: RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
All: RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
Tim: EVERYBODY!
All: RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
Tim: HEY, ONE MORE PAGE.
YEAH!
Eric: THEY'RE ALL GONE.
YOU HAVE NO BOOK NO MORE.
Tim: WELL, I DON'T NEED NO
BOOK NO MORE, ERIC.
I JUST WANT MY FRIENDSHIP BACK
WITH YOU.
CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
Eric: COME HERE.
Tim: WHAT'S UP?
Eric: I don't forgive you.
Tim: WHAT?
[ GROANING ]
All: RIP!
RIP!
RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
Eric: OHH!
[ DRIP! DRIP! ]
[ WHIP! THUD! ]
[ SQUISH! SQUISH! SQUISH! ]
Tim: WELL, I SUPPOSE I
DESERVED IT.
[ SPITS ]
Announcer: IT'S
"BRULE'S RULES" WITH CHANNEL 5's
DR. STEVE BRULE.
Dr. Brule: HI.
I'M DR. STEVE BRULE WITH SOME
BAD NEWS.
MY AUNT JOANNE JUST DIED.
TIM AND ERIC
AWESOME SHOW
TIM AND ERIC
AWESOME SHOW
Tim: WELCOME TO THE "TIM AND
ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!"
Eric: GUESS WHAT.
IT'S TIM'S LAST DAY.
[ DRUMBEATS ]
Tim: GONNA ASK ME ABOUT WHA
I MIGHT GONNA BE UP TO, OR
Eric: TIM, WHY THE HECK YOU
LEAVING THE SHOW?
Tim: I, ACTUALLY, ERIC
AM WORKING ON PUBLISHING MY
FIRST BOOK.
I AM A BOOKMAN.
AND IT'S CALLED "CHOICES."
IT'S BECOME A HUGE BEST SELLER,
SO I'M LEAVING MY DAY JOB AND
GOING OUT AND PURSUING MY REAL
DREAM OF BECOMING A PUBLISHED
AUTHOR.
SO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THIS HAS BEEN A REAL TREA
WORKING HERE WITH YOU.
Eric: WELL, TIM, ON BEHALF OF
EVERYONE ON THE STAFF OF THE
"AWESOME SHOW" AND RICHARD DUNN,
I WANT TO CONGRATULATE ON YOUR
NEW BOOK --
WHAT IS THIS?
Tim: WELL, THIS IS "CHOICES."
Eric: WHY DOES IT HAVE MY
FACE ON IT?
Tim: DON'T
I WAS GONNA E-MAIL YOU ABOU
THIS.
IT'S
Eric: "THE PROBLEM WITH
ERIC WAREHEIM"?
Tim: WELL, IT'S AN
AUTOGRAPHICAL BOOK ABOUT OUR
FRIENDSHIP AND PRETTY MUCH THE
WORKING RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE.
Eric: LOOKS LIKE IT'S A
[BLEEP] BOOK TO ME.
Tim: [ CLICKS TONGUE ]
Eric: CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR
NEW LIFE.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
Tim: THANK -- THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
Eric: THIS AREA'S CLOSED NOW.
I HAD THE HONOR AND PRIVILEGE
OF WORKING WITH A LOT OF REALLY
OUTSTANDING ACTORS.
YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE
BUSINESS 35 YEARS.
HAVE YOU DONE MOTION CAPTURE?
ABSOLUTELY.
WORKED ON THIS FEATURE IN, LIKE,
JANUARY -- DECEMBER, JANUARY --
THAT WAS JUST AWFUL.
[ LAUGHS ]
AND I'M LIKE, "EXCUSE ME.
I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM."
SO, DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK
YOU'RE GONNA GET A GOOD
PERFORMANCE OUT OF YOUR CREW
WHEN YOU YELL AND SCREAM A
THEM?
NO.
[ LAUGHS ]
I GOT THAT ONE FROM MY DAD.
DID YOU EVER WORK ON
"JOURNEYMAN"?
YEAH, I WORKED A SHOW THA
WAS WORKING ACROSS THE STAGE --
THE STAGE ACROSS THE STREET.
WHICH ONE?
IT WAS "DRAGNET," 1989.
MM-HMM.
I WAS ON THE CREW THAT HUNG YOUR
SCAFFOLDING.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
BUT I WORKED THE [BLEEP] OU
OF THAT SHOW.
I WORKED THAT WHOLE PERIOD A
THAT LOT.
I WORKED ON "EMERGENCY."
I STARTED WITH
"BATTLESTAR GALACTICA."
I WORKED ON THAT.
I WORKED ON "QUINCY."
"LAVERNE & SHIRLEY,"
"MORK & MINDY."
"NANCY DREW."
MY FACE SHOULD LOOK A LITTLE
BIT FAMILIAR TO YOU, 'CAUSE I
WASON THAT SHOW FOR A LONG
TIME.
SORRY, BARRY.
THANKS FOR BEING WITH US.
AND THANKS FOR WATCHING
"ALL DOLLED UP."
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
[ BANG! ]
SO, DAVE, HOW'S YOUR LOVE
LIFE?
THANK YOU FOR ASKING,
LAMBADOG.
I MET A NICE LADY, AND IT'S
TAKEN CARE OF.
AND I MADE A SONG ABOUT HER.
AND LET'S START WITH THE MUSIC.
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE
WITH AN INSECT WOMAN
FROM ANOTHER WORLD
I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE
WITH AN INSECT GIRL
WHEN I MAKE LOVE TO HER
IT'S LIKE GETTING BIT BY
BEDBUGS
WHEN SHE LEAVES MARKS ON MY
BODY
THEY'RE REALLY LOVE MARKS
IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH AN
INSECT WOMAN ALL MORNING, WHA
DO YOU DO WITH THE REST OF THE
DAY?
I GIVE BIRTH TO THOUSANDS OF
SPIDER BABIES THAT LEAVE WEBS
ALL OVER MY BED.
SHE'S A WOMAN
SHE'S AN INSEC
SHE'S A WOMAN
SHE'S AN INSECT!
SHE'S A WOMAN
SHE'S A WO-O-O-MA-A-A-A-N
[ INSECT BUZZING ]
[ COUGHS ]
[ INSECT BUZZING ]
Tim: FOR ME, IT'S LIKE, "WHA
AM I GONNA DO WITH THE CASH
RIGHT AWAY?"
AND I GREW UP READING PEOPLE
LIKE JOHN STEINBECK AND
STEVE KING AND EVERYBODY LIKE
THAT, SO FOR ME TO BE A
PUBLISHED AUTHOR IS SORT OF A
DREAM COME TRUE, AND
FOR HE'S A JELLO GOOD
FELLOW
FOR HE'S A JELLO GOOD
FELLOW
FOR HE'S A JELLO GOOD
FELLOW
NOBODY CAN BE DENIED
FOR HE'S A [MUMBLES] FELLOW
NOBODY CAN BE DENIED
Tim: WELL, GUYS, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH FOR COMING.
THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THA
YOU'RE HERE FOR THIS, AND I PRAY
THAT WE KEEP IN TOUCH, AND YOU
KNOW MY CELL, SO MAKE SURE YOU
PASS IT AROUND.
THIS IS FOR YOU.
I REALLY APPRECIATE --
[ SPLAT! ]
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!
Eric: IT'S FOR THIS BOOK,
MAN.
IT'S A BUNCH OF LIES.
"ERIC DOESN'T HAVE A PENIS.
IT'S JUST SOME SCAR TISSUE FROM
A LARGE VAGINA THAT WAS SEWED
SHUT."
Tim: MAYBE IT IS TRUE.
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
Eric: DUDE, HERE -- "EVEN IF
ERIC DID HAVE A PENIS, IT WOULD
BE A TINY, BLACK PENIS."
MY MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA READ
THIS, MAN.
THIS IS ALL LIES.
Tim: WELL, LISTEN, I GOT TO
DO SOMETHING, ERIC.
IT'S A BEAR MARKET OUT THERE
WITH BOOKS.
I GOT TO PUT IN SOME KIND OF
TRASH.
[ SMACK! ]
YOU WANT TO GO?
[ WHAP! ]
[ WHAP! ]
[ WHAP! ]
[ WHAP! ]
[ SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! ]
[ WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! ]
[ SMACK! ]
[ CRACK! ]
[ SLURP! ]
[ SMACK! ]
Eric: AAH!
[ SMACK! ]
Tim: OOH!
[ WHAP! ]
UNH!
[ WHAP! ]
UNH!
[ BLUB! ]
[ SMACK! SMACK! ]
[ SMACK! SMACK! ]
HA!
Eric: UNH!
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
GOOD LUCK ON YOUR BOOK
CAR-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-EER.
Tim: [ SIGHS ]
GUYS, I-I'M SORRY.
I GOT TO GO GET MY FRIEND BACK.
ERI-I-I-I-C!
EHHHHHHHEH.
WHAT?
EHHHH
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE MONEY'S
ALL GONE?
I'M SORRY, JIM.
YOU'RE GONNA LOSE THE HOUSE.
NO, WE CAN'T LOSE THE HOUSE.
THERE'S REALLY NOTHING I CAN
DO AT THIS POINT, JIM.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT MY FAMILY?
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED GETTING A
JOB?
NO!
NO, THAT'S NOT AN OPTION!
SON OF A BITCH!
[ GUN COCKS ]
[ WHIMPERS ]
DINNER'S READY, HON!
[ SQUEAK! ]
[ SNIFFS ]
[ SNIFFING ]
WHAT IS THAT?
LAMB?
YOU'RE MAKING LAMB WITH OUR
MONEY PROBLEMS?!
FOR GOD'S SAKE, JENNIFER, WHA
WERE YOU THINKING?!
I'M GONNA KILL ALL OF YOU, AND
THEN I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF!
RELAX, HON.
IT'S NOT LAMB.
IT'S H'AMB FROM CINCO FARMS.
CINCO FARMERS HAVE TAKEN THE
ESSENCE OF REAL LAMBS AND
HAM-RELATED PRODUCTS AND KNEADED
IT INTO A FRESH H'AMB LOAF.
H'AMB ALSO COMES WITH THE
ESSENCE OF LAMB AEROSOL SPRAY,
FILLING THE WHOLE HOUSE WITH THE
WONDERFUL SMELL OF LAMB.
I SMELL LIKE LAMB.
H'AMB.
H'AMB.
H'AMB.
All: [ Chanting ] H'AMB,
H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB
SO GOOD WITH RADISHES.
All: [ Chanting ] H'AMB,
H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB, H'AMB,
H'AMB.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
IF YOU LOVE LAMB, YOU'LL LOVE
H'AMB.
THANKSCINCO.
AND FOR THE SEAFOOD LOVERS,
NOW THERE'S HAM'BSTER.
[ GUNSHOT, THUD ]
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO MOVE TO A
BIG PLANET TO HAVE ALL THESE
LITTLE INSECT BABIES.
[ BURPS ]
EXCUSE ME.
[ BURPS ]
OH, MY GOODNESS. EXCUSE ME.
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
Tim: EHHH!
THERE YOU ARE.
[ SIGHS ]
GEEZ.
I-I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS BOOK.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN
IT.
I'M S--
Eric: I MEAN, IT JUST HURTS.
Tim: I TELL YOU WHAT I'M
GONNA DO.
GIVE ME THAT.
I'M GONNA TEAR OUT EVERY PAGE OF
THIS BOOK THAT'S NOT TRUE.
Eric: YEAH?
Tim: RIP!
Both: RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
Tim: [ LAUGHS ]
Both: RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
All: RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
Tim: EVERYBODY!
All: RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
Tim: HEY, ONE MORE PAGE.
YEAH!
Eric: THEY'RE ALL GONE.
YOU HAVE NO BOOK NO MORE.
Tim: WELL, I DON'T NEED NO
BOOK NO MORE, ERIC.
I JUST WANT MY FRIENDSHIP BACK
WITH YOU.
CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
Eric: COME HERE.
Tim: WHAT'S UP?
Eric: I don't forgive you.
Tim: WHAT?
[ GROANING ]
All: RIP!
RIP!
RIP!
RIP! RIP! RIP!
Eric: OHH!
[ DRIP! DRIP! ]
[ WHIP! THUD! ]
[ SQUISH! SQUISH! SQUISH! ]
Tim: WELL, I SUPPOSE I
DESERVED IT.
[ SPITS ]