Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s05e05 Episode Script

1
Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola
Ah, my son.
E kaabo, Dad.
Look at you. [LAUGHS]
You are a man now.
You both have become too American.
Because that is where you dragged us,
and it is where you left us.
Dele is my son.
That is true, but do not forget,
I am the one raising him.
And for you, Auntie
a matching gele, handmade in Lagos.
Ooh! Thank you, Tayo.
When I wear this to church,
all the ladies will
pray for my downfall.
Oh. This will fit like a glove.
I don't see you in months,
and you know exactly how
much weight I have gained.
Is bringing gifts
to your ex-wife's
family a cultural thing?
It is a me thing.
Great. Then it's not offensive
that I think it's weird.
Someone is jealous they
didn't get a fancy shirt.
I didn't realize it was
so easy to buy your love.
Well, now you know.
- I'm gonna go see how Abishola's doing.
- When you come back,
I will tell you about my promotion.
Your promotion?! How exciting!
What's the Yoruba word for
"pain in the ass"?
It is just one dinner.
With fabulous, Nigerian prizes!
We will get through this.
Tayo will spend some time with his son,
and then he'll be gone.
I came in here to bitch about him.
When you don't help, I look petty.
He wants his presence to bother me,
so I will not give him the satisfaction.
All right, I'll stop talking trash.
No, no, no. I like it.
Then let's go out there and deal
with that ass-kissing blowhard.
[LAUGHS] Okay.
[LAUGHTER]
Ah, you are just in time.
We have exciting news.
Tell us what we've won!
You are going to be
seeing a lot more of me.
Tayo is moving to Detroit!
No!
We'll be right back.
["IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING]
There is no good reason
Tayo would come back after 12 years.
Why is he doing this to me?
Isn't he here because of his promotion?
You're right, Gloria.
Of course it is that simple.
Obviously, he's here to ruin your life.
What are you talking about?
He is jealous of how happy you are.
You have a successful husband,
a promising career
and a sexy best friend.
And he's determined to take it all away.
Or he's just here to start his new job.
Abishola, don't listen to her.
She's just trying to calm you down.
He has already started
turning my family against me.
Auntie and Uncle love him.
He's coming after the
people you love the most,
which must mean I am next.
Will you stop?
I am helping!
You're making her paranoid.
Gloria,
if you were about to
be eaten by a snake,
would you want your best friend
to stop that from happening,
or would you want them to say,
"Oh, no, it's okay.
The snake is just here for work"?
Sweetie, you really think that
man uprooted his whole life
and moved here just to mess with you?
Yes, Gloria, we think there is a chance!
Oh, my God!
It is beautiful.
When I wear it, all the women at church
will pray for my downfall.
TAYO:
The worst part of divorcing Abishola
was that I lost access to
your fantastic cooking.
That is a tragedy.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Tayo.
Ah. Hello.
What are you doing in my house?
Just catching up with Mummy.
She is my mummy.
Oh, Abishola,
there is plenty of Mummy to go around.
You cooked dinner for him?
You know how much she loves to spoil me.
It was the least I could do
after you bought me that lovely dress.
Another gift.
You are like an uninvited Santa Claus.
It is so nice to have a man in
the house who has an appetite.
- Bob is so skinny now.
- Is he sick?
No, he is not sick.
I was wondering the same thing.
I would love to see you in this, Mummy.
You should try it on.
Good idea.
You will take pictures for my Instagram.
My followers deserve a treat.
Okay, that will be fun.
What is your game, snake?
I am visiting my family.
It is my family.
It seems I have done
something to upset you.
I am not upset.
You should tell the vein in your neck.
Only Bob can look at my neck.
Maybe you should eat something.
You're always agitated
when you're hungry.
You need to leave.
I would like to wait
until my son gets home.
I will have him call you,
just like I have done
for the last 12 years.
Enough!
I am here, and there is
nothing you can do about it,
so stop your whining.
Ta-da!
Mummy, you are a vision.
Abishola, take the picture.
Tayo, get in this.
I will tag you.
Come.
[SNORING]
Bob?
Bob!
- Bob!
- What? What?
I've been thinking.
I've been sleeping.
This is only the beginning
of what Tayo is going to put us through.
Uh-huh.
We need to take back
control of our lives.
Sure.
By starting a new one. In Chicago.
- What?
- He has taken my family.
There's no need for us to stay.
Well, what about my family?
Why would he want them?
We're not going anywhere.
- Come here.
- Oh.
Come here.
Now, look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.
This sucks.
- It sucks a big one.
- Mm.
Here's an idea.
Instead of letting him
take our happiness,
let's really rub it in his face.
I'm listening.
Well, when he shows up,
we'll drown him in PDA.
Hold hands, kiss, hug.
- I could also squeeze your buns.
- [LAUGHS]
Hey, that's good thinking.
The point is, we got this.
[SIGHS] Okay.
What do you say?
Should we get some sleep?
Yes.
Mmm.
Hey!
I'm just practicing.
Gloria, what do you need?
Dr. Bradford, this is Abishola.
- Hello.
- Pleasure to meet you.
I hope to be a doctor one day myself.
- Hmm.
- She's a therapist.
Oh.
I hope to be a real doctor.
What's happening here?
I wanted you two to talk.
About my surgery?
About her anger.
I am not on the clock.
This is very unprofessional.
Be nice. I'm shaving you later.
I am sorry she's bothering you.
You have unresolved issues
with your ex-husband,
you'd never go to therapy on your own,
and she's willing to help.
No, I'm not!
Before I leave, do you need anything?
- Yes. Can you take her with you?
- [SCOFFS]
After my surgery,
you and I should speak
about your boundary issues.
Oh, now you're on the clock.
[TV PLAYS INDISTINCTLY]
Thank you for including me in this.
Of course.
It is a church men's group.
All are welcome except women.
[LAUGHS]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
- Sorry I'm late.
- Uh, don't apologize to me.
Apologize to God.
My bad.
- Bob.
- Tayo.
Tunde.
So, we'll be seeing you at church, too?
Ah. I am a man of God.
Well, God bless ya.
I see you brought some beer.
That's very generous.
Yeah, I didn't want to show up
empty-handed or uninvited.
That reminds me, Uncle.
I thought your friends
might enjoy a gift
- from Cuba.
- [UNCLE TUNDE GASPS]
Tayo brought some Cuban cigars!
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
And Bob has brought enough
beers for five people.
Well, I can't smoke. [CLEARS THROAT]
I don't want to get cigar breath.
Your ex-wife and I have a
pretty hot date night planned.
Mm. Good for you.
Yeah, it is.
'Cause we're so in love.
Thinking about taking her on
a little getaway this summer.
You ever been to Fiji?
- Yes, I went there with Abishola.
- All right, listen.
You're at Auntie and Uncle's,
you're at the house,
now you're here.
We're a little Tayo'd out.
I see.
Abishola asked you to say something.
This is coming from me.
[CHUCKLES] If you say so.
I do. If you're gonna be
in Detroit for business,
we got to figure out a
way to make this work
so it doesn't drive everybody nuts.
I understand.
- Really?
- Absolutely.
- Well, good.
- I can see that my being here
is putting a strain on your marriage.
It's not.
You are obviously threatened by me.
I'm not threatened.
Okay.
- I just told you we had a hot date.
- Mm-hmm.
Usually people who
have a healthy sex life
don't have to plan it out.
Next time you come over, you'll see.
She gets real grabby.
They also don't have to brag about it.
I'm not bragging, I'm telling the truth.
Abishola and I have plenty of sex!
Bob, please,
this is a Christian meeting.
You're a real pain in the idi.
Idi means ass.
Pack your bags.
We're moving' to Chicago.
What happened?
Guess who showed up at men's group
and embarrassed me in
front of my God friends?
Oh, no
As soon as Tayo spoke,
I just wanted to punch
him in his smug face.
I'm glad you did not.
I wouldn't have wanted to miss that.
I don't know why I thought I
could reason with that guy.
He is not reasonable.
Yeah, you tried to tell me,
but in my head,
I was saying, "It's not that bad,
she's being Abishola about it."
"Abishola about it"?
Well, you know how you can get.
I do not. Tell me.
That doesn't matter.
The point is, you're right.
The point has changed.
When you worry about something,
you have a tendency to jump
to the worst-case scenario.
Which I find endearing.
I do not do that.
Honey, when Dele got his hair braided,
you said he was going to prison.
He still might.
Okay. My mistake.
- It was.
- Let's just drop it.
Great idea.
Maybe we don't even need to talk at all.
Honey, come on. Tayo wants us to fight.
I'll let you squeeze my buns!
- Karo.
- Ah.
E karo, Mummy. I was just cleaning up.
I know you slept on the couch.
I saw you when I came out
to watch Jimmy Kimmel.
I just dozed off.
I also heard every word
of your argument with Bob.
[SIGHS]
Do I always think about
the worst-case scenario?
Of course. That is how I raised you.
Bob thinks it is a bad thing.
Because Bob has never
faced any hardship.
I do worry a lot.
You are supposed to.
When you consider the
worst-case scenario,
you can stop it from happening.
Exactly.
You have overcome many
obstacles in your life.
Anyone who questions how you did that
does not understand your strength.
- Thank you, Mummy.
- Mm.
If those people on the
Titanic thought like us,
they would still be alive today.
I don't think they would.
That was about 100 years ago.
Shut up! I am helping you.
All right, Wi-Fi should be good to go.
Ah, someday you must
explain your trick to me.
I unplug it and then I plug it back in.
You are so handy.
- Don't mention it.
- And kind.
Okay, thanks.
You also have an incredible
memory for sports scores.
Super Bowl 16, go.
Niners 26, Bengals 21.
What the hell is going on right now?
We just thought you might like
a reminder of how special you are.
Why?
Just in case someone's arrival
has someone feeling insecure.
The one "someone" is Tayo.
The other "someone" is you.
The guy's a little annoying,
but I'm fine.
The Bob I know would never shout
about how many times he
makes love to my niece.
Yeah, that wasn't great.
What can I say?
The guy gets under my skin.
Oh, it is natural for you to
be a little threatened by him.
You are worried we love him
more than we love you.
You got me. That's the issue.
Doesn't it feel good to say it?
Put your fears to rest. You are our Bob.
And no one can replace that.
Thank you.
As soon as I found out
the truth about Tayo,
I came straight here.
Well, I called Gloria
to tell her I was right,
and then I came straight here.
What did you find out?
Well, first of all, I learned that
my Nigerian gossip network
is as strong as ever.
Would you like to know
who is going to win
the next election?
Just tell me about Tayo.
Fine. Waste your vote.
Tayo is not just here for work.
He's a snake.
A slithering sidewinder.
The promotion is real,
but he only applied for it
because his wife in
Nigeria has left him.
Oluwa mi o.
Oh, save the oluwa mi o
for the coup de grâce.
- What is it?
- The pièce de résistance.
- Kemi.
- Okay.
Tayo's wife has left him
for his brother.
No!
Yes.
That look on your face
is all the thanks I need.
But also, you should thank me.
- Hey.
- Hello, Bob.
How are you, my love?
"My love." Wow.
I kind of thought you'd
still be mad at me.
That is in the past.
The most wonderful thing has happened.
Tayo's life has fallen apart.
That's great.
Yes.
I'm so happy for you both.
Your credit is impeccable.
And it would be nice
to have you across the hall.
It really would.
But your application has been denied.
Sorry.
What is the problem?
We are Team Bob.
He won't like bumping into you
every time he comes to visit.
That does not matter.
It matters to Bob, so it matters to us.
You are going to reject me
because he is an insecure little baby?
Hey, watch your mouth.
He is our insecure little baby.
Have a blessed day.
It is a shame.
I was going to offer
you one year's rent.
Up front.
We are reconsidering your application.