Fuller House (2016) s05e05 Episode Script

1 Ah, sleeping baby and a cup of warm tea.
Hmm.
Finally, pure quiet.
Shh.
Stephanie, why are you still talking? - Mm.
- Kimberlina! Mm.
There goes my pure quiet.
I am here for my goodbye kisses! Oh, you've come to the right place, Fernando.
I will miss you so.
This is the worst telenovela ever.
Fernando's leaving today for a week in Monte Carlo where he's being honored by the Racing Hall of Fame.
Remember? No, but I'll pretend I do to make this go faster.
I will be back in one week, just in time for the grand reopening of Uncle Monty's.
It is almost like I'm saying goodbye to my racing-circuit life, and I'm saying hello to my sandwich life.
It's not almost like that, it's exactly like that.
Now, you're gonna be late for your flight.
It's not for another nine hours.
- Oh, well, then you better get a move on.
- No, no, no.
Why? No.
Goodbye, my love.
Mwah.
- Love you.
- Miss you.
Mwah.
Oh, yeah.
So where were we, chamomile? Pop the non-alcoholic champagne.
You and me ain't gonna happen.
My kid just got into AP History.
Oh, good for Max.
No, Jackson.
Janet Jackson? No, my Jackson.
I just got the letter from the school.
I didn't know he took the placement test.
I cannot wait to tell him the good news.
He is gonna be so excited.
I'm open for the pass.
Score! Carjack for the point.
Hey, Jackson, guess what, uh, came in the mail today.
Mom, I'm in the middle of a game.
Yeah, but it's really good news.
You got into AP History.
All you have to do is just sign this fo Wow.
The kid seemed thrilled.
I could forge his signature on the form.
I've been doing Dad's since middle school, and I've been doing yours ever since the bank said I cou AP History.
Wow, that is fascinating.
Jackson's been like this all summer.
I can barely get him to engage with me about anything.
All he wants to do is play that video game.
I have no idea what's going on in his life.
Well, he's a teenage boy.
Communicating with his mother is at the bottom of his list.
Right next to cleaning his room and showering.
I don't know.
Maybe you could, you know, pick up some of his interests.
Oh, no, I have to shower every day.
I was talking about video games.
Video games? I don't know if I'd be good at that.
Ho ho, I am so good at this.
Carjack just joined.
Why does that name sound so familiar? Hey, Doombuggy, how about a game? It's Jackson.
That's why it sounds so familiar.
Wow.
Doombuggy, nice move.
How come I've never seen you on Rocket League before? Uh, uh uh uh, first time playing.
You got mad skills for a first-timer, bro.
Thanks.
Uh, but I-I better sign off, bro.
Are you sure you can't hang for a game? Uh, no.
I gotta do chores.
But I don't mind 'cause being responsible's cool.
Oh, hey, before you go you want to be my partner and try to qualify for the Rocket League NorCal finals? Does that mean we'd be spending a lot of time together? Like pretty much every day.
That would make me so happy.
Uh, I mean, yeah, yeah.
Cool.
Whatevs.
Later, potater.
Steve.
Hey, how long you been standing there? Uh, long enough to know that whatever this is is wrong, bro.
Okay, I-I-I can explain.
Are you gonna explain in your regular voice or in this voice? I'm gonna explain in my high-pitched nervous voice.
I-I was learning to play Jackson's video game, because I wanted to spend more time with him, and then, all of a sudden, he joined my game.
And he started talking to me, which he never does, and then I tried to sign off, but he just kept talking, and-and I really liked it, and is that so wrong? Well, it doesn't sound right.
I know it's not right.
Ah, why didn't I just go with not showering? What if he finds out? He won't because I am never gonna play again.
Except for one more time.
Because I already promised I would, and Doombuggy doesn't break a promise.
You do hear yourself, right? Yeah, I'm trying not to.
Come here.
This quiet is really healing.
The quiet's not that healing when you keep talking about how quiet it is.
Ah.
Unacceptable! You know, I'm starting to think the kitchen is not the ideal quiet place.
I want 40 pounds of provolone delivered to Uncle Monty's on Friday.
Not Thursday.
Not Saturday.
Friday.
Or heads will roll.
What? Okay, then, Lily.
Put your grandpa on the phone.
He's so good with kids.
Aw, look at my little bro stepping up to the challenge.
They've got the grand reopening of Uncle Monty's in a week, - and he is on it.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, Jimmy, we have a problem.
Not now, Max.
I'm on the phone with our supplier.
Our butcher's granddaughter's playing hardball.
Yeah, you may wanna hang up.
Okay, Lily, give a kiss to Pop-Pop.
I've got to go bye-bye.
This better be important.
Lily's very hard to get on the phone.
She's got tumbling all afternoon.
You know how you had us put flyers around San Francisco about next week's grand reopening? Well, we did.
Oh.
Okay, that wasn't nearly as dramatic a story as I was expecting.
The flyers have the wrong date on them.
They say that the grand reopening is tomorrow, not next Saturday! What will Jimmy do? The kid's good.
I'm hooked now.
Wait.
Let me see that.
That can't be right.
Oh.
What do you know? Fernando messed up the flyers.
Then he got on a plane to Monte Carlo.
That is so Fernando.
Honey, how are you being so understanding? You do realize you're screwed, right? I do now.
It kind of took a second to kick in.
I guess we need to take down the flyers and cancel the reopening.
We can't.
Papa put the wrong date on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and something called AOL? Okay.
I can do this.
I've got one day to prepare for the most important business day of my entire life, and the future of Uncle Monty's depends on it.
Dun, dun, dun This is my new favorite show.
- Okay, let's win this game.
- Here comes the chip shot.
Goal-al-al-al! Hey, great game, Doombuggy.
I needed some fun.
I've been a little stressed lately.
Really? What's up? I made it into this AP History class, and my mom has been trying to talk to me about it.
Yeah, well, deadlines are strict.
I mean, at my high school, they are.
I passed the test to get in, but if I take the class, and I don't do well, I'm worried I'm gonna disappoint my mom.
It happens all the time because my brother is so perfect.
Well, I'm sure she doesn't expect you to be perfect.
Have you tried talking to her? 'Cause moms are cool to talk to.
You're hilarious, Doombuggy.
Hey, I gotta go.
Oh, hey, Jackson, there you are.
There's something I need to tell you.
Uh, yeah, sure.
Hang on.
No way! This is awesome! I just got into the Rocket League NorCal finals tomorrow.
Wow, that that's great.
What whatever that is.
It is the biggest gaming tournament.
I've been trying to get into it for years.
And the best part is, I finally get to meet my partner Doombuggy.
Say what now? It's live at the Oakland Esports Arena.
Oh, man, I can't wait to tell Doombuggy.
He's gonna be so psyched.
Little did Jackson know, Doombuggy was not psyched.
Not psyched at all.
Right.
- Tomatoes.
- Check.
- Coleslaw.
- Check.
Gruff but lovable dishwasher.
Check! Did you guys see the line outside? It's around the block.
I sure did.
Glad you guys are back.
I've been yelling "banner", but nobody's been here to say "check".
Check.
Well, unfortunately, the banner that Fernando ordered won't be ready until the grand reopening next week.
Well, then what's this? You're lucky you're marrying into D.
J.
's family.
She's the only person in the world who has a cedar-lined, temperature-controlled banner closet.
Yeah, half my wardrobe's on the floor, but as long as she has her perfect banner Stay focused, Steph.
- Ready? - Yep.
All right.
Aw, that's perfect.
It's perfect-ish.
Oh, I can fix that.
What else do you have to chop? I'm in the zone.
Look at this place, babe.
It's awesome.
I mean, you you really got everything all set up and ready to go.
You're actually gonna pull this off.
Huh.
You sound kind of surprised.
What? Me? No! No.
I Hey.
You guys, the line is so long.
Well, people love Uncle Monty's.
Ladies, can I talk to you for a second? I really need some advice.
Yeah.
Well, first, I'd ditch the blouse.
Not helping.
Okay, this is kind of insane, but I went online, and now Jackson thinks I'm a 16-year-old boy, and I have to meet him in an hour at an esports arena as my alter-ego Doombuggy.
So, what's the insane part? So, when I said that you should start playing video games to have a common interest with Jackson, this is where you wound up? Well, I didn't set out to do this.
And I did try to tell him, but then, when he got into the tournament, he got so happy and truth be told, when he started opening up to me, I got really happy.
Oh, I don't know what to do.
Well, there's only one solution.
I've got a ten-gallon hat and a fake mustache in the car.
- I also have a costume for you.
Come on.
- No, no, no.
Or you could be a normal person and do what you always do.
Tell the truth and accept the consequences.
What else you got? Okay, I know.
You're right.
Uhh.
Why do I have to be so honest and wise? Hey.
Hi, sweetie.
I gotta run, but I'll be back later.
- Great.
I'll see you later.
Nice blouse.
- Thank you.
You guys, that line outside is immense! I'm so glad we bought this place.
People love Uncle Monty's.
Yeah, people especially love Uncle Monty's when there's a Groupon.
Say what now? In all the chaos, I totally forgot we offered a Groupon for opening day where we're gonna roll back the prices to the original 1972 prices.
What a cool idea.
Hey, we should buy a bunch of sandwiches.
They're gonna be so cheap.
Huh.
1972 prices.
That would mean a sandwich we normally sell for $12 we're gonna be selling for 82 cents.
Right.
I should've mentioned that.
Oh, so that's why there's a line around the block.
I-I-I don't mean to be a killjoy, but we're about to open, and we don't have enough ingredients to feed all those people.
That means we won't be able to honor our deal, and hundreds of loyal customers will be turned away, and the new management of Uncle Monty's will be trashed on Yelp before we even begin! Well, better get to work.
Here we are at the Rocket League NorCal finals with two minutes until the match starts.
Team Fender Bender is still short a player.
Will they forfeit? Is Doombuggy doomed? Jackson, hey.
Hey, Mom, what are you doing here? Well, there's something I have to tell you.
Now's not a good time.
I'm waiting for Doombuggy.
But he's late, which is weird, because he's always saying how important it is to be punctual.
I'm afraid Doombuggy isn't coming.
How do you know that? Because, um I'm Doombuggy.
Yeah, right, Mom.
No, Jackson, I'm serious.
I'm serious, bro.
Eat your vegetables.
Hang on.
What? Yeah, I learned to play the video game so that I could spend time with you, and we were having such a good time I can't believe you tricked me.
I thought I was playing with another guy, and all along, it's been you? Yeah, I know you're upset.
Of course I'm upset.
I I told you stuff.
Like personal stuff.
Things I would never tell you because you're my mom.
Jackson, I'm sorry.
I should've told you the truth.
Yes, yes, you should've.
Look, I didn't want to disappoint you by letting you know what I did, just like you didn't want to disappoint me with AP History.
It's just Sometimes I feel like it's easier not to try at all than to risk letting you down.
Honey, I wish you had as much faith in yourself as I have in you.
You would never disappoint me if you took a class and you tried hard, no matter what grade you got.
Just I'm sorry all of this happened.
And I'm sorry you're gonna have to forfeit.
I'm gonna go.
Where you going, Doombuggy? Say what now? You may be my mom, but you're still the best darn Rocket League player I've ever met.
We got a tournament to win.
What do you say? I'd say We've got spirit.
Yes, we do! We've got spirit.
How 'bout you? Sorry, bro.
I won't let that happen again.
Okay, that's ten corned beef Reubens, uh, two pastramis, and an egg-salad wrap.
With your Groupon discount, that comes out to nine dollars.
Nine dollars? That's it? Huh.
Then double my order.
Ho ho ho.
Maybe everybody here doesn't have a Groupon.
Hi.
Can I ask who's planning on using a Groupon? There's a Groupon? Okay, we're all out of provolone, prosciutto, and pickles.
I tried calling Lily, but they wouldn't wake her up from her nap.
Here you go meatball sub.
Wait a minute.
This meatball sub only has two meatballs on it.
Uncle Monty's sandwiches have four meatballs.
We don't have the meats.
We're not gonna make it through the hour.
Listen to me, little man.
I don't care how dire things get.
Uncle Monty's never sends out a subpar sub.
Uncle Monty's is known for its integrity.
Uncle Jimmy, we're out of turkey, pastrami, and turkey pastrami.
Face it, Jimmy.
We're toast.
By the way, we're also out of toast.
I'm so sorry, honey.
No, you were right to doubt me, Steph.
I thought I could pull this off, but I can't.
Oh, no.
No, I am really proud of you.
You've done literally everything you could in a really bad circumstance.
But I think it might be time to throw in the towel and shut the door.
Hi, everybody.
I'm Jimmy.
I'm one of the new owners here at Uncle Monty's.
I'm not Uncle Jimmy.
Although I am an uncle.
- He is a good uncle.
- Thank you.
Unnamed customer.
But what I don't feel like right now is a very good steward of the Uncle Monty's name.
Uncle Monty's has always been the one constant in my life ever since I was a boy.
That and my sister Kimmy.
And Oprah.
And Transformers.
Where is he going with this? I don't know, but I can't believe he mentioned me before Oprah.
You know, Uncle Monty's is more than just a sandwich.
It's also chips and sides and a pickle.
It's a way of life.
That's why me and my buddies bought this place.
But today, I really feel like I'm letting you guys down.
Because of some unforeseen circumstances, we no longer have the supplies to give you all the sandwich you've come to expect and deserve.
Now, there are some who say I should cut corners and scrimp on ingredients, That was me.
And I still recommend it.
But I would rather close the shop than to serve one meatball sub that's two meatballs short of a full Uncle Monty sandwich.
- So - You know what? I only bought 20 sandwiches because I'm famously cheap.
But I can share.
Here.
Take one.
And I was gonna eat half and freeze the rest for lunch tomorrow but who would like half a turkey Reuben pastrami? I'll take that.
Hey, I got back as fast as I could, but first, I had to stop and pick up some friends.
Lily and Lily's Pop-Pop! Steve told me that Jimmy was in trouble, and that's all we needed to hear.
Hey, we got here as fast as we could.
Yeah, and we won our competition.
Wow, guys.
I don't know what to say.
Now we can give everyone the sandwiches they deserve.
You've saved Uncle Monty's.
No, Jimmy.
You saved Uncle Monty's.
You know, Uncle Monty's saved me many times.
It was a good thing he had the defibrillator behind the counter.
I feel like the most special guy in the world.
I feel like George Bailey in that movie where he's got a wonderful life.
You know what they say every time a bell rings, an angel gets a sandwich.
That's-That's actually not what You know what? I'm gonna give that to you.
Hey, Mom, I've been thinking.
I'm gonna take that AP History class.
Ahh.
Oh, I am so happy.
Good for you.
I-I mean, yeah, cool.
Whatevs.
No big.
Okay, everybody, we're back in business.
- Let's make some sandwiches.
- Right.