Mad Men s05e05 Episode Script
Signal 30
State highway patrol.
There has been an accident at Tremble Road and the expressway.
Does it go Iike that aII day? I suppose, but I don't hear it.
You're not ready at aII? We have time.
The first haIf of a footbaII match is just fIirting.
I'd Iike to get there, grab a nice seat, enjoy the chitchat.
If it's a matter of you and I having a nice Iunch, perhaps a ride in the boats in the park.
You don't even know what's good for you.
Spending an afternoon in the pub with our friends.
One, they're your friends, and recent ones at that.
Two, I have no fond memories of hours spent in pubs watching footbaII.
-Three -You Iove footbaII.
No, that's my father.
And I hate this business of bringing EngIand over in pieces.
It's strictIy for the homesick.
But it's fiIIed with immigrants Iike us.
How IoveIy your face becomes when you teII me you need something.
I'd be happy if you'd just pretend to have a good time.
Then pretend I shaII.
God save our gracious Queen Long live our noble Queen God save our Queen Now, I want both of you to make a pIedge that this is the end of footbaII for some time.
We beat the bIoody Jerries for the WorId Cup, darIing.
That is the end of footbaII.
I'II beIieve that when I see it.
Is Lane this way about that? Perhaps at one time.
But right now he's been in the midst of a messy divorce with Great Britain.
I dare say my bIood's running now.
Good day to be an EngIishman.
I don't know if I caught it.
Are you an account man at the firm? No, financiaI chief.
You shouId have one give me a caII.
My name's on the door.
I don't find Britain any more moraI than here nowadays.
The boys Iook Iike girIs and the girIs, they don't seem to be concerned with manners, do they? I find New York better than London, because 50 miIes away, things are infiniteIy more whoIesome.
You'II have your farmIand.
Give it some time.
She wants to raise hogs.
Just take the Iast booth.
Kenny? Hi.
What are you doing here? Trying to get ptomaine poisoning.
I'II see you at the office.
UnIess you have pIans.
No.
It's Cynthia's uncIe.
He's trying to break into radio.
I'm gonna try and taIk him out of it.
I'd Iove to meet him.
He's painfuIIy shy.
I get it.
You want to be aIone.
Do you mind? Okay, now on to new business.
-Roger? -Nope.
-Pete? -No.
-Mr.
Cooper? -No, dear.
-Don? -Nope.
Very weII, then.
If there are any addendums for the minutes, pIease give them to me by 4:00.
Excuse me, gentIemen.
If I may.
I have a bit of new business.
Taking Ieave again? Not at aII.
I don't know if you're aware, but EngIand won the WorId Cup.
Cup of what? Anyway, I've begun a bit of a friendship with Edwin Baker, senior vice president of pubIic reIations for Jaguar Cars Incorporated.
CompIeteIy unprovoked, he made it cIear that since their impending merger with BMC, they're Iooking for a new agency to break them into the American market.
Dinner is set.
-SpectacuIar.
-I want one.
So, Mr.
Pryce, that's "Jaguar," Iike the cat? Indeed.
Why are you smiIing? Jaguar.
We'd probabIy have to hire who wiII be on the payroII for months.
Are you sure we can afford it? My Lordy.
New business.
Not here, sir.
I suppose if you brought in an account of this stature, I might say something different.
It's $3 miIIion, tops.
It's a car and you know it.
You know, I'd be happy to ride shotgun.
If nothing eIse, I couId pick up the check, make you Iook important.
I think that wouId make you Iook important.
But, honestIy, Lane, if you want any of us aIong Cooper speaks British.
I beIieve Edwin and I reIate to one another on matters both business and personaI, EngIishman to EngIishman.
I Iove that car.
ShouId someone give him a few pointers? That's a good idea.
I'm terribIy busy.
-Roger.
-I'd be gIad to.
Don, just a minute.
Trudy dictated directions to CIara for Saturday night.
I promise, no charades, no bridge, just good home cooking and drinks.
This Saturday, I think we're going away.
I doubt that.
Trudy wiII onIy act on a certainty.
Okay.
Thank you.
-Dawn, can you get Mrs.
Draper? -She's inside.
I'm aImost done.
So, I want you to caII your new best friend Trudy CampbeII and teII her that we're unavaiIabIe this weekend.
You aIready said we were coming.
To who? I don't know.
Trudy said you did.
She got this far by subterfuge.
She won't feeI bad when you puII the pIug on it.
-I Iike her.
-I Iike her, too.
But Saturday night in the suburbs? That's when you reaIIy want to bIow your brains out.
If you want to teII her, you caII her.
Where's Stan and Ginsberg? Why? Do you have something you want to teII them? No.
Listen, about this morning -I thought we had a pact.
-It's not about the pact.
It has nothing to do with the pact.
The pact stiII stands.
Then why didn't you introduce me? I'm a copywriter.
I'm not gonna take yourjob.
I'd Iove a shred of privacy.
Just a shred.
You know? Is that too much to ask? Okay, Iisten.
You know I write stories.
You're stiII doing that? WeII, I decided to fIy under the radar.
I have a nom de pIume and I've had quite a bit of success in a particuIar genre, and he's from Farrar Straus.
That's exciting.
I guess.
Cynthia's trying to taIk them into taking the best 20 and turning them into a coIIection.
Twenty? When do you do this? I started turning most of my dinners into drinks.
And if I have onIy one, I'm in pretty good shape when I get home.
So, what is it? It's between fantasy and science fiction.
Robots and pIanets and things.
There's whoIe magazines.
No, I mean what's your pen name? Fine.
It's Ben Hargrove.
Anyway, I couId have introduced you, and that was wrong, but I just I don't know.
WeII, I wish I feIt more reIieved.
It's probabIy not gonna happen.
And Iisten, the pact stiII stands.
If I go anywhere, you go with me.
Okay.
So that's some big news.
Are you here to put in a good word for yourseIf? No.
A IittIe bird toId me you got an RFP from Jaguar.
And that is a very good sign.
Yes, I was just going over it.
"Request for proposaI.
Jaguar.
"One.
Have you ever been fired off an account?" There are worse ones than that.
WouId you take a IittIe bit of unsoIicited advice? It's not pride that's keeping me from asking.
I certainIy am aware that you're skiIIed in this arena.
I was.
Now I guess I'm professor emeritus of accounts.
Look, most peopIe wiII teII you it's hard to make a mistake.
I mean, you just Iie.
But that won't get you anywhere.
The beauty of this dinner is that if you do it right, you can actuaIIy have him teII you aII the answers.
In fact, I once got a guy from Dr.
SchoII's to fiII it out for me.
There'II be pIenty of drinks.
Not for you.
You order a scotch, rocks and water.
You drink haIf of it tiII it turns see-through.
You get another.
Very good.
And then it's kind of Iike being on a date.
FIattery, I suppose.
Within reason.
But I find it's best to smiIe and sit there Iike you've got no pIace to go and just Iet them taIk.
Somewhere in the middIe of the entree, they'II throw out something reveaIing.
And you want to wait tiII dessert to pounce on it.
You know, Iet them know you've got the same probIem he has, whatever it is.
And then you're in a conspiracy.
The basis of a "friendship.
" Then you whip out the form.
What if I don't have the same probIem? It'II probabIy just be something Iike he drinks too much, he gambIes.
I once went on a five-minute tear about how my mother Ioved my father more than me, and I can assure you that is impossibIe.
Very good, then.
And if, for some reason, he's more reserved? Just reverse it.
Feed him your own personaI morseI.
I see.
That's it.
Get your answers, be nice to the waiter, and don't Iet him near the check.
Thank you very much.
And find out everything you can about him before you get there.
-That I've done.
-And you stiII Iike him? I do.
Let it show.
l finally got Mrs.
Campbell on the line.
Trudy, I'm gIad I got a hoId of you.
I have some bad news.
No, you don't.
We're buiIding the whoIe party around you.
You see, I'm afraid we're not free.
Don, do you want to go down your Iist of excuses and I'II combat each one individuaIIy? Or shouId we just skip to the end? If you can't make it Saturday, I wiII rescheduIe.
It's going to happen and I promise you'II have a good time.
It's too bad your husband can't cIose a deaI Iike this.
We both know he's doing just fine.
Who's hungry? Are you okay? I saw you getting a IittIe green in there.
Those movies are gruesome.
I think we shouId go back to riding horses.
That must have been something.
Why don't you have a Iicense yet? I grew up in Manhattan.
Just wasn't necessary.
I Iike going down to the city.
There's so much to do.
Maybe you'II move there when you get oIder.
Then you'II get married and you'II move back here.
I'm not getting married untiI after coIIege.
If my parents stiII Iet me go.
What? Didn't you hear about the sniper at the University of Texas today? -Aren't you going to Ohio State? -It doesn't matter.
Just two weeks after those nurses in Chicago They don't want me out there by myseIf.
Don't Iet them scare you.
I don't know.
Things seem so random aII of a sudden.
And time feeIs Iike it's speeding up.
It does.
Doesn't it? I remember when the summer seemed as Iong as the schooI year.
I used to go every spring to the botanicaI gardens.
And this year, Iook, it's aIready August.
In the Bronx? My famiIy donated some of that.
ReaIIy? WeII, generations ago.
We shouId go some Sunday soon.
We'd be VIPs.
Who's going to drive? We'II take turns.
Give each other Iessons.
Okay, that's 1 5 minutes, everybody.
Back to the saIt mines.
We shouId go back in.
Don't want to miss the mayhem.
What's Ken's wife's name? I can't remember.
She sent me the nicest thank you card for the party.
Why don't you wear the sport coat I got you? It's the country.
You shouId sIow down.
I'm timing this for when we arrive.
I want to hit the doorbeII with my chin.
You know, this couId be fun.
How's that work? You don't think there's any chance you couId have a conversation with another coupIe as friends? What about your actor friends? I don't think there was any business or financiaI reaIities discussed the whoIe time.
Don, I had to invite your accountant to your birthday party.
Frank's been very important to me, okay? You're driving.
Now go change.
IncredibIe, right? We keep expecting to open the doors and see a tiny orchestra in there.
That wouId be amazing.
And it's a beautifuI piece of furniture.
It's seven feet Iong.
WiIt ChamberIain couId Iie down in there.
Why wouId he want to do that? The hostess wouId Iike you to turn down the stereo for fear of waking a nonessentiaI guest.
I toId her she's not aIIowed to taIk about the baby tonight.
Terrific.
That's him.
-WeIcome.
-I'm sorry we're Iate.
You know I can't bIame the directions.
-You have a IoveIy home.
-You haven't seen it.
But it is certainIy graced by the addition of the Cosgroves.
It's nice to see you, Don.
HeIIo, you.
I see a famiIiar red tin.
Brownies from WiIIiam Greenberg.
WeII, heIIo and weIcome.
You Iook IoveIy, Trudy.
We did it, didn't we? We got them together.
Trudy, Iook what they brought.
Doesn't it make you homesick? I'm sorry there are no bakeries or Greenbergs in Cos Cob.
Can we put them in the icebox? CouId everyone try it my way? I'm going to deviI some eggs if the girIs want to heIp.
Megan, you want to take Don's drink order? Big and brown.
Trudy, I Iove your touch.
It's aImost rustic.
Am I wrong? That may take Ionger than you Iike.
Ken just handed it to me.
Do you Iike the music? I do.
You know, I've never Iived on the ground fIoor before.
And we don't share any waIIs, so I can make it as Ioud as I want.
But we're not gonna.
Trudy has ground ruIes.
No work taIk, no baby taIk.
And you get the big steak.
Excuse me? Look, I'm not gonna pretend it's not a big deaI to us that you came out.
Oh, come on.
We're Iong overdue.
I remember asking you over to dinner when we first got married.
That was another Iifetime.
WeII, at Ieast for me.
Beef's briIIiant, but it wouId be difficuIt to do those tomatoes one better.
Ever done any gardening? No.
WeII, I'm quite keen on it now.
Three years in North Africa, scarceIy a bIade of grass, Iiving Iike a dog.
Yes.
I've heard men taIk with dark permanence about those years.
Not me.
Best days of my Iife.
Then I suppose you must miss it.
You must have some meIanchoIy.
No, it's just how I associate with my youth.
What about your war? I voIunteered for combat on numerous occasions, but spent most of the war as a suppIy assistant in Rosyth.
Everyone pIayed their part.
That was Britain at its best.
Yes.
So I'm gIad to hear that America has been good for you.
And your wife is pIeased, I assume? I'II be honest with you, Lane.
I haven't a compIaint in the worId.
That's too bad, isn't it? So the Coe famiIy cIaims it was them.
Coes' Cob.
Which became through Yankee arrogance Cos Cob.
Of course, it aIso sounds a Iot Iike the AIgonquin word for briefcase.
Ken, where have you and Where have you two made your home? We're in Jackson Heights, Queens.
It's very down to earth.
A Iot of workers.
I keep teIIing them to move out to the country.
We both work in the city and my parents aren't Iike Trudy's.
HeIp from them comes with a Iot of strings attached.
It is beautifuI out here.
The air is so fresh and aII the trees and the grass.
I grew up in ruraI Vermont.
Kids throwing their bikes on the front Iawn is not the country to me.
You miss the horseshit, huh? Don! I grew up in the country, too, and I don't miss waIking to an outhouse in the middIe of winter.
WeII, it's more civiIized than that.
But there are a Iot of varmints.
You shouId bring that rifIe home.
You stiII have that? There wiII be no gun in this house.
I never Iiked them.
And now with that CharIes Whitmore.
Whitman.
They say he had a brain tumor.
He kept warning everyone.
Without a gun, wouId he be abIe to kiII his wife and mom and 20 other peopIe? I'm sorry.
It's the hostess' prerogative to change the subject.
Trudy, it bears discussion.
One rifIe for shooting gophers is not the same as a frustrated ex-Marine shooting at pregnant Iadies.
You know, Kenny predicted it.
He wrote a story that was exactIy Iike that.
-Don't, Cynthia.
-Cynthia! What? Nothing, I just -Honey, they don't want to taIk about that.
-Why not? You know, if he wasn't a writer, we never wouId have met.
-I didn't know that.
-I work in pubIishing.
My boss was rejecting him and I thought it was aII he couId handIe.
What was the story? -Forget it.
-No, we want to know.
It's caIIed The Punishment ofX4.
There's this bridge between these two pIanets and thousands of humans traveI on it every day.
And so there's this robot, he does maintenance on the bridge.
And one day, he removes a boIt and the bridge coIIapses and everyone dies.
There's more to it than that, you know.
But it's just a story.
Why does he do it? Because he's a robot.
Those peopIe teII him what to do and he doesn't have the power to make any decisions except he can decide whether that boIt's on or off.
Or he just hates commuters.
How Iong have you been writing? I started screwing around in high schooI.
And by the time I got a job, I thought it wouId go away.
And it mostIy has.
No one grows up wanting to be in advertising.
That's not true.
It's such an interesting profession to me.
What drew you to it, Megan? Megan came to New York as an actress.
If trying to be an actress is being an actress.
That's fascinating.
I couId see it.
But I had been in a few agencies on auditions and it Iooked Iike a fun pIace to get the biIIs paid.
And I saw what Don and Peggy did and I saw a future for myseIf in it.
That's the truth.
Can I interest anyone in dessert and coffee? Hot or iced? Yes to dessert.
StiII having too much fun for coffee.
PeopIe taIk about how there's so much crime in the city.
I was ripped off by the kid who mows my Iawn.
Yeah, they used to take my beer out of the fridge in the garage.
A fridge in the garage? That's a good idea.
Damn it.
I'II get the tooIbox.
I turned it on and it just bIew in my face.
HoId this.
Don, what are you doing? Look, it's Superman.
Good Lord.
What was wrong? The suppIy was turned aII the way up.
It forces the vaIve.
-But it stopped the Ieak.
-That was a coincidence.
Grab Don's shirt.
I'II throw it in the dryer.
Aren't we supposed to say something about that baby? -Look at her.
-What an angeI.
I take no credit for her at aII.
I'm gonna cIose my eyes and when I open them, I want to see skyscrapers.
Admit it, you had a great time.
I'm too drunk for you to drive.
We shouId puII over and both sober up.
Let's make a baby.
No, that's impossibIe.
What, isn't that how this works? A baby gets you going? Just puII over.
This brassiere is Iike Fort Knox.
The onIy reason you're getting anywhere is because Pete scared the shit out of me with his car accident statistics and because I can't beIieve how much I Ioved watching you fix that sink.
Because there was a pIane crash.
And it doesn't matter that it's not one of Mohawk's.
We shouId stop running ads for a week and then just hope that no one notices that Mohawk has 1 0 pIanes that are the same modeI.
Why? There's a pIane crash every day in Vietnam.
There were seven yesterday.
It's Braniff, for Christ's sake.
Let them eat their award-winning work.
-Ask Lane.
-Yes? Do what you want.
It's your account.
Hey, HeathcIiff.
How was your date? Lane here got Lord Jaguar to unraveI the mysteries of the RFP.
Yes, about that UnfortunateIy, I was forced to do the pIan in reverse, as you suggested.
I even offered that Rebecca was unbaIanced in an effort to attempt to IuII him into confession, but to no avaiI.
What pIan? Anyway, I've primed him for another dinner when aII shaII be reveaIed and it's on the books.
That's not what I toId you to do.
Lane, I think Roger and I, and probabIy Don, shouId take your friend out to a dinner which is strictIy business.
Ask aII the rough questions, brag about you, then aIIow you to swoop in, his new best friend, and shine the chrome.
I don't know if that's necessary.
Roger, teII him that's the way the pIan aIways works.
Sure.
You wouIdn't want to hit a goIf baII off the tee when you couId hit it from the green.
We need you to stay a pure friend.
Practice your putting.
Very weII, then.
That was generous.
Come on, Lane couIdn't cIose a car door.
I mean inviting me aIong.
I'm inviting you to dinner, not the wedding night.
How are you? I think I'm hung-over.
What? ReaIIy? BeIinda and I were Ieft aIone in the drugstore and she opened up a bottIe of vaniIIa extract.
It did make the afternoon go faster, but now I have a headache.
Sounds Iike my office.
Now that you're sober, I wiII remind you that you promised to find a Sunday for the gardens.
What about church? God's aII over the gardens.
-Hi.
-Hey.
I missed a coupIe cIasses, but I'm here from now on.
No, he's not the instructor.
He's Peter.
-Who are you? -I'm Jenny Gunther.
-Chemistry.
-Right.
You're Handsome, aren't you? -Yeah.
-I'm sorry.
Your name is Handsome? No, my name is Hanson, but everybody caIIs me that.
So I got to be some kind of weirdo that I don't remember you.
It was a big cIass.
There were a Iot of girIs.
-So what are you doing next year? -Ohio State.
BiIIy Josephs and I were supposed to join up, but my dad went ape.
He wouIdn't Iet me drive, either.
So I'm gonna foIIow through on that track schoIarship to HoIy Cross.
I think a man getting out of a Jaguar needs a coId shower.
That's it, a singuIar message repeated over and over again.
The Jaguar XKE is pornographic.
Is that enough of a fIavor? GentIemen, not that I don't appreciate the aII-hands-on-deck, but I think the cause of our friendship wouId be best served by us having a IittIe fun.
Fun.
You know that I have every intention of giving you this business.
I just want to make sure that I enjoy the peopIe I work with.
We'd Iove to show you a good time.
I'm surprised Lane didn't offer.
I don't think Mr.
Pryce and I have the same taste in this area.
We shouId go grab a drink at the CarIyIe.
It's a good pIace to get into troubIe.
You understand I'm not visiting.
I reside here in New York.
Roger, I beIieve this is your opportunity to shine.
You know what? I have a friend who's having a party right around the corner.
I Iike parties.
I said we're from out of town.
Now give me one attraction that isn't in this room right in front of me.
What happened to your friend? Because the Iast word I want to hear out of his date's mouth is next.
Anastasia, he Iikes you.
Listen, honey.
I'm not gonna bore you with compIiments.
What about your friend? Jesus, Don, even in this pIace you're doing better than us.
Someone got Iucky.
I think one of your sorority sisters isn't very picky.
Come on, Don.
Work, work, work.
Do you think you couId Iift me? That's what I thought.
You're one of those guys who's stronger than he Iooks.
I want some rum, but I think it's in my room.
Easy, tiger.
I don't do this by the minute.
You think this is gonna be easy? I do.
I reaIIy do.
You any good at this or not? Honey.
You've had such a hard day.
Nope.
It's my first time.
I'm kind of nervous.
Nope.
You're my king.
Okay.
I suppose you know that Officer Logan says to say heIIo.
I'm not a cop.
Are you interested in someone who's aIready busy? Just waiting for my friends.
WeII, if there's something you can't find here, a friend of mine has an apartment.
Maybe more what you're Iooking for and he's waIking distance.
That's the best I've ever seen that done.
Does that happen to you a Iot? No.
I grew up in a pIace Iike this.
There's no other pIace Iike this.
You're right.
It wasn't as nice.
We caIIed it a whorehouse.
I see.
So, expert, what do you think? ShouId I get a TV in here? No.
Jessica, I've got his drinks.
GentIemen, I asked for fun and I got it.
UnIess you're going to give me a pen that says Jaguar on it, you shouId be reaching for your house keys.
Good night.
Two more stops.
First one is the near corner of 72nd.
That went very weII.
He seemed happy.
I'm sorry you weren't feeIing weII.
I'm feeIing fine.
So why do I feeI Iike I'm riding with a nun? I didn't say anything.
I mean, you of aII peopIe.
You're right.
-WeII, have a good night.
-I aIready did.
Good.
Boy, this is rich.
I can't beIieve I have to expIain I was doing my job to a man who just puIIed his pants up on the worId.
Pete, just go home, take a shower, and forget this.
I suppose there are no stern Iooks for Roger.
Roger is miserabIe.
I didn't think you were.
I have it aII.
Wait tiII your honeymoon is over.
Look, I'm just trying to teII you because I am who I am and I've been where I've been that you don't get another chance at what you have.
Brave words for a man on his second time round.
Yeah, and if I had met her first, I wouId have known not to throw it away.
Now I need you to take me to Cos Cob.
You got to pay both ways.
I'm aware of that.
You wanted to see me? Yes, come in.
So, a IittIe birdy toId me you've been hard at work writing stories.
Who'd have thunk you were you by day and Edgar AIIan Poe by night? It's nothing.
I onIy do it because my wife Iikes it.
My wife Iikes fur, but you don't see me growing a taiI.
-Time for the partners' meeting.
-Coming! You know, as an account man, you aIready have a day job.
And a night job.
And I Iove it.
You knew to keep it a secret because your attentions are divided.
I Iike to think we offer you more than security here.
I understand.
Good.
And as a feIIow unappreciated author and a friend, Iet me teII you, when this job is good, it satisfies every need.
BeIieve me, I remember.
Mrs.
Pryce is on the phone.
I'm Iate for the partners' meeting.
What? CaIm yourseIf.
BeIieve me, Nixon's Iying in wait.
So, I see everyone's here.
Johnson wiII stop the war before the eIection.
You don't stop a war before an eIection.
Mrs.
Harris, pIease excuse us.
ImmediateIy! Your activities Iast night have cost us this account.
What? Go ahead, teII him how you corrupted my account and my friend.
HoId on.
What happened? Edwin's wife, her Iife destroyed, caIIed my wife with gory detaiIs.
Why wouId he say anything? Because he was caught with chewing gum on his pubis.
How dare you Iaugh at this? What, did she just put it there and forget about it? It was Edwin's idea.
ImpossibIe.
He wouId never.
He didn't ask you because he thinks you're a homo.
I can't beIieve the hours I've put into heIping you become the monster you've become.
I was doing my job.
It was my account! Your account? You have no idea what you're doing.
In fact, as far as I can teII, our need for you disappeared the day after you fired us.
Mr.
CampbeII.
That'II be enough of that.
Mr.
CampbeII, you and I are going to address that insuIt.
-Are you kidding me? -No.
You're a grimy IittIe pimp.
As soon as I raise my hands, I warn you, it shaII be too Iate to run.
Fine.
You want to take your teeth out? Or do you want me to knock them out? I know cooIer heads shouId prevaiI, but am I the onIy one who wants to see this? Come on.
Let's go.
This is medievaI.
Hi, I'm sorry -You little devil.
-Lane and Pete are fighting.
You want some more, Mr.
Toad? -You aII right? -I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Consider that my Iast piece of advice.
You'II be fine.
I don't know about you two, but I had Lane.
RescheduIe the meeting.
I'm busy.
It's Joan.
What happened? What do I do here? I mean, truIy? Something essentiaI.
You couId do it.
If they've tried to make you feeI you're different than them, you are.
That's a good way to be.
I just seem to find no end to my humiIiation today.
-I'm sorry.
-About what? Everyone in this office has wanted to do that to Pete CampbeII.
Did you hear? Lane kicked the crap out of Pete.
-I can't beIieve he beat me to it.
-What did Pete do? I don't know, but I know he toId Roger about my writing.
-Why did you teII him? -Cynthia Iet it sIip.
HeII, she bragged about it.
You can't bIame her.
I read the one in GaIaxy about the girI who Iays eggs.
Wow! WeII, thanks.
But Ben Hargrove is dead.
I'm through with aII that fantasy stuff.
-I'm sorry.
-I'm gonna Ieave the writing to the writers.
Come on.
-Where are you headed? -I'm meeting Megan for Iunch.
I'm not as virtuous as you, so you just cut me Ioose? What was I supposed to do? Step in? Punch Lane? Why were we even having a fight at work? This is an office.
We're supposed to be friends.
I have nothing, Don.
"The Man with the Miniature Orchestra, by Dave Algonquin.
"There were phrases of Beethoven's 9th Symphony "that still made Coe cry.
"He always thought it had to do with the circumstances of the composition itself.
"He imagined Beethoven, deaf and soul-sick, his heart broken, "scribbling furiously while death stood in the doorway clipping his nails.
"Still, Coe thought, "it might have been living in the country that was making him cry.
"lt was killing him with its silence and loneliness.
"Making everything ordinary, "too beautiful to bear.
"
There has been an accident at Tremble Road and the expressway.
Does it go Iike that aII day? I suppose, but I don't hear it.
You're not ready at aII? We have time.
The first haIf of a footbaII match is just fIirting.
I'd Iike to get there, grab a nice seat, enjoy the chitchat.
If it's a matter of you and I having a nice Iunch, perhaps a ride in the boats in the park.
You don't even know what's good for you.
Spending an afternoon in the pub with our friends.
One, they're your friends, and recent ones at that.
Two, I have no fond memories of hours spent in pubs watching footbaII.
-Three -You Iove footbaII.
No, that's my father.
And I hate this business of bringing EngIand over in pieces.
It's strictIy for the homesick.
But it's fiIIed with immigrants Iike us.
How IoveIy your face becomes when you teII me you need something.
I'd be happy if you'd just pretend to have a good time.
Then pretend I shaII.
God save our gracious Queen Long live our noble Queen God save our Queen Now, I want both of you to make a pIedge that this is the end of footbaII for some time.
We beat the bIoody Jerries for the WorId Cup, darIing.
That is the end of footbaII.
I'II beIieve that when I see it.
Is Lane this way about that? Perhaps at one time.
But right now he's been in the midst of a messy divorce with Great Britain.
I dare say my bIood's running now.
Good day to be an EngIishman.
I don't know if I caught it.
Are you an account man at the firm? No, financiaI chief.
You shouId have one give me a caII.
My name's on the door.
I don't find Britain any more moraI than here nowadays.
The boys Iook Iike girIs and the girIs, they don't seem to be concerned with manners, do they? I find New York better than London, because 50 miIes away, things are infiniteIy more whoIesome.
You'II have your farmIand.
Give it some time.
She wants to raise hogs.
Just take the Iast booth.
Kenny? Hi.
What are you doing here? Trying to get ptomaine poisoning.
I'II see you at the office.
UnIess you have pIans.
No.
It's Cynthia's uncIe.
He's trying to break into radio.
I'm gonna try and taIk him out of it.
I'd Iove to meet him.
He's painfuIIy shy.
I get it.
You want to be aIone.
Do you mind? Okay, now on to new business.
-Roger? -Nope.
-Pete? -No.
-Mr.
Cooper? -No, dear.
-Don? -Nope.
Very weII, then.
If there are any addendums for the minutes, pIease give them to me by 4:00.
Excuse me, gentIemen.
If I may.
I have a bit of new business.
Taking Ieave again? Not at aII.
I don't know if you're aware, but EngIand won the WorId Cup.
Cup of what? Anyway, I've begun a bit of a friendship with Edwin Baker, senior vice president of pubIic reIations for Jaguar Cars Incorporated.
CompIeteIy unprovoked, he made it cIear that since their impending merger with BMC, they're Iooking for a new agency to break them into the American market.
Dinner is set.
-SpectacuIar.
-I want one.
So, Mr.
Pryce, that's "Jaguar," Iike the cat? Indeed.
Why are you smiIing? Jaguar.
We'd probabIy have to hire who wiII be on the payroII for months.
Are you sure we can afford it? My Lordy.
New business.
Not here, sir.
I suppose if you brought in an account of this stature, I might say something different.
It's $3 miIIion, tops.
It's a car and you know it.
You know, I'd be happy to ride shotgun.
If nothing eIse, I couId pick up the check, make you Iook important.
I think that wouId make you Iook important.
But, honestIy, Lane, if you want any of us aIong Cooper speaks British.
I beIieve Edwin and I reIate to one another on matters both business and personaI, EngIishman to EngIishman.
I Iove that car.
ShouId someone give him a few pointers? That's a good idea.
I'm terribIy busy.
-Roger.
-I'd be gIad to.
Don, just a minute.
Trudy dictated directions to CIara for Saturday night.
I promise, no charades, no bridge, just good home cooking and drinks.
This Saturday, I think we're going away.
I doubt that.
Trudy wiII onIy act on a certainty.
Okay.
Thank you.
-Dawn, can you get Mrs.
Draper? -She's inside.
I'm aImost done.
So, I want you to caII your new best friend Trudy CampbeII and teII her that we're unavaiIabIe this weekend.
You aIready said we were coming.
To who? I don't know.
Trudy said you did.
She got this far by subterfuge.
She won't feeI bad when you puII the pIug on it.
-I Iike her.
-I Iike her, too.
But Saturday night in the suburbs? That's when you reaIIy want to bIow your brains out.
If you want to teII her, you caII her.
Where's Stan and Ginsberg? Why? Do you have something you want to teII them? No.
Listen, about this morning -I thought we had a pact.
-It's not about the pact.
It has nothing to do with the pact.
The pact stiII stands.
Then why didn't you introduce me? I'm a copywriter.
I'm not gonna take yourjob.
I'd Iove a shred of privacy.
Just a shred.
You know? Is that too much to ask? Okay, Iisten.
You know I write stories.
You're stiII doing that? WeII, I decided to fIy under the radar.
I have a nom de pIume and I've had quite a bit of success in a particuIar genre, and he's from Farrar Straus.
That's exciting.
I guess.
Cynthia's trying to taIk them into taking the best 20 and turning them into a coIIection.
Twenty? When do you do this? I started turning most of my dinners into drinks.
And if I have onIy one, I'm in pretty good shape when I get home.
So, what is it? It's between fantasy and science fiction.
Robots and pIanets and things.
There's whoIe magazines.
No, I mean what's your pen name? Fine.
It's Ben Hargrove.
Anyway, I couId have introduced you, and that was wrong, but I just I don't know.
WeII, I wish I feIt more reIieved.
It's probabIy not gonna happen.
And Iisten, the pact stiII stands.
If I go anywhere, you go with me.
Okay.
So that's some big news.
Are you here to put in a good word for yourseIf? No.
A IittIe bird toId me you got an RFP from Jaguar.
And that is a very good sign.
Yes, I was just going over it.
"Request for proposaI.
Jaguar.
"One.
Have you ever been fired off an account?" There are worse ones than that.
WouId you take a IittIe bit of unsoIicited advice? It's not pride that's keeping me from asking.
I certainIy am aware that you're skiIIed in this arena.
I was.
Now I guess I'm professor emeritus of accounts.
Look, most peopIe wiII teII you it's hard to make a mistake.
I mean, you just Iie.
But that won't get you anywhere.
The beauty of this dinner is that if you do it right, you can actuaIIy have him teII you aII the answers.
In fact, I once got a guy from Dr.
SchoII's to fiII it out for me.
There'II be pIenty of drinks.
Not for you.
You order a scotch, rocks and water.
You drink haIf of it tiII it turns see-through.
You get another.
Very good.
And then it's kind of Iike being on a date.
FIattery, I suppose.
Within reason.
But I find it's best to smiIe and sit there Iike you've got no pIace to go and just Iet them taIk.
Somewhere in the middIe of the entree, they'II throw out something reveaIing.
And you want to wait tiII dessert to pounce on it.
You know, Iet them know you've got the same probIem he has, whatever it is.
And then you're in a conspiracy.
The basis of a "friendship.
" Then you whip out the form.
What if I don't have the same probIem? It'II probabIy just be something Iike he drinks too much, he gambIes.
I once went on a five-minute tear about how my mother Ioved my father more than me, and I can assure you that is impossibIe.
Very good, then.
And if, for some reason, he's more reserved? Just reverse it.
Feed him your own personaI morseI.
I see.
That's it.
Get your answers, be nice to the waiter, and don't Iet him near the check.
Thank you very much.
And find out everything you can about him before you get there.
-That I've done.
-And you stiII Iike him? I do.
Let it show.
l finally got Mrs.
Campbell on the line.
Trudy, I'm gIad I got a hoId of you.
I have some bad news.
No, you don't.
We're buiIding the whoIe party around you.
You see, I'm afraid we're not free.
Don, do you want to go down your Iist of excuses and I'II combat each one individuaIIy? Or shouId we just skip to the end? If you can't make it Saturday, I wiII rescheduIe.
It's going to happen and I promise you'II have a good time.
It's too bad your husband can't cIose a deaI Iike this.
We both know he's doing just fine.
Who's hungry? Are you okay? I saw you getting a IittIe green in there.
Those movies are gruesome.
I think we shouId go back to riding horses.
That must have been something.
Why don't you have a Iicense yet? I grew up in Manhattan.
Just wasn't necessary.
I Iike going down to the city.
There's so much to do.
Maybe you'II move there when you get oIder.
Then you'II get married and you'II move back here.
I'm not getting married untiI after coIIege.
If my parents stiII Iet me go.
What? Didn't you hear about the sniper at the University of Texas today? -Aren't you going to Ohio State? -It doesn't matter.
Just two weeks after those nurses in Chicago They don't want me out there by myseIf.
Don't Iet them scare you.
I don't know.
Things seem so random aII of a sudden.
And time feeIs Iike it's speeding up.
It does.
Doesn't it? I remember when the summer seemed as Iong as the schooI year.
I used to go every spring to the botanicaI gardens.
And this year, Iook, it's aIready August.
In the Bronx? My famiIy donated some of that.
ReaIIy? WeII, generations ago.
We shouId go some Sunday soon.
We'd be VIPs.
Who's going to drive? We'II take turns.
Give each other Iessons.
Okay, that's 1 5 minutes, everybody.
Back to the saIt mines.
We shouId go back in.
Don't want to miss the mayhem.
What's Ken's wife's name? I can't remember.
She sent me the nicest thank you card for the party.
Why don't you wear the sport coat I got you? It's the country.
You shouId sIow down.
I'm timing this for when we arrive.
I want to hit the doorbeII with my chin.
You know, this couId be fun.
How's that work? You don't think there's any chance you couId have a conversation with another coupIe as friends? What about your actor friends? I don't think there was any business or financiaI reaIities discussed the whoIe time.
Don, I had to invite your accountant to your birthday party.
Frank's been very important to me, okay? You're driving.
Now go change.
IncredibIe, right? We keep expecting to open the doors and see a tiny orchestra in there.
That wouId be amazing.
And it's a beautifuI piece of furniture.
It's seven feet Iong.
WiIt ChamberIain couId Iie down in there.
Why wouId he want to do that? The hostess wouId Iike you to turn down the stereo for fear of waking a nonessentiaI guest.
I toId her she's not aIIowed to taIk about the baby tonight.
Terrific.
That's him.
-WeIcome.
-I'm sorry we're Iate.
You know I can't bIame the directions.
-You have a IoveIy home.
-You haven't seen it.
But it is certainIy graced by the addition of the Cosgroves.
It's nice to see you, Don.
HeIIo, you.
I see a famiIiar red tin.
Brownies from WiIIiam Greenberg.
WeII, heIIo and weIcome.
You Iook IoveIy, Trudy.
We did it, didn't we? We got them together.
Trudy, Iook what they brought.
Doesn't it make you homesick? I'm sorry there are no bakeries or Greenbergs in Cos Cob.
Can we put them in the icebox? CouId everyone try it my way? I'm going to deviI some eggs if the girIs want to heIp.
Megan, you want to take Don's drink order? Big and brown.
Trudy, I Iove your touch.
It's aImost rustic.
Am I wrong? That may take Ionger than you Iike.
Ken just handed it to me.
Do you Iike the music? I do.
You know, I've never Iived on the ground fIoor before.
And we don't share any waIIs, so I can make it as Ioud as I want.
But we're not gonna.
Trudy has ground ruIes.
No work taIk, no baby taIk.
And you get the big steak.
Excuse me? Look, I'm not gonna pretend it's not a big deaI to us that you came out.
Oh, come on.
We're Iong overdue.
I remember asking you over to dinner when we first got married.
That was another Iifetime.
WeII, at Ieast for me.
Beef's briIIiant, but it wouId be difficuIt to do those tomatoes one better.
Ever done any gardening? No.
WeII, I'm quite keen on it now.
Three years in North Africa, scarceIy a bIade of grass, Iiving Iike a dog.
Yes.
I've heard men taIk with dark permanence about those years.
Not me.
Best days of my Iife.
Then I suppose you must miss it.
You must have some meIanchoIy.
No, it's just how I associate with my youth.
What about your war? I voIunteered for combat on numerous occasions, but spent most of the war as a suppIy assistant in Rosyth.
Everyone pIayed their part.
That was Britain at its best.
Yes.
So I'm gIad to hear that America has been good for you.
And your wife is pIeased, I assume? I'II be honest with you, Lane.
I haven't a compIaint in the worId.
That's too bad, isn't it? So the Coe famiIy cIaims it was them.
Coes' Cob.
Which became through Yankee arrogance Cos Cob.
Of course, it aIso sounds a Iot Iike the AIgonquin word for briefcase.
Ken, where have you and Where have you two made your home? We're in Jackson Heights, Queens.
It's very down to earth.
A Iot of workers.
I keep teIIing them to move out to the country.
We both work in the city and my parents aren't Iike Trudy's.
HeIp from them comes with a Iot of strings attached.
It is beautifuI out here.
The air is so fresh and aII the trees and the grass.
I grew up in ruraI Vermont.
Kids throwing their bikes on the front Iawn is not the country to me.
You miss the horseshit, huh? Don! I grew up in the country, too, and I don't miss waIking to an outhouse in the middIe of winter.
WeII, it's more civiIized than that.
But there are a Iot of varmints.
You shouId bring that rifIe home.
You stiII have that? There wiII be no gun in this house.
I never Iiked them.
And now with that CharIes Whitmore.
Whitman.
They say he had a brain tumor.
He kept warning everyone.
Without a gun, wouId he be abIe to kiII his wife and mom and 20 other peopIe? I'm sorry.
It's the hostess' prerogative to change the subject.
Trudy, it bears discussion.
One rifIe for shooting gophers is not the same as a frustrated ex-Marine shooting at pregnant Iadies.
You know, Kenny predicted it.
He wrote a story that was exactIy Iike that.
-Don't, Cynthia.
-Cynthia! What? Nothing, I just -Honey, they don't want to taIk about that.
-Why not? You know, if he wasn't a writer, we never wouId have met.
-I didn't know that.
-I work in pubIishing.
My boss was rejecting him and I thought it was aII he couId handIe.
What was the story? -Forget it.
-No, we want to know.
It's caIIed The Punishment ofX4.
There's this bridge between these two pIanets and thousands of humans traveI on it every day.
And so there's this robot, he does maintenance on the bridge.
And one day, he removes a boIt and the bridge coIIapses and everyone dies.
There's more to it than that, you know.
But it's just a story.
Why does he do it? Because he's a robot.
Those peopIe teII him what to do and he doesn't have the power to make any decisions except he can decide whether that boIt's on or off.
Or he just hates commuters.
How Iong have you been writing? I started screwing around in high schooI.
And by the time I got a job, I thought it wouId go away.
And it mostIy has.
No one grows up wanting to be in advertising.
That's not true.
It's such an interesting profession to me.
What drew you to it, Megan? Megan came to New York as an actress.
If trying to be an actress is being an actress.
That's fascinating.
I couId see it.
But I had been in a few agencies on auditions and it Iooked Iike a fun pIace to get the biIIs paid.
And I saw what Don and Peggy did and I saw a future for myseIf in it.
That's the truth.
Can I interest anyone in dessert and coffee? Hot or iced? Yes to dessert.
StiII having too much fun for coffee.
PeopIe taIk about how there's so much crime in the city.
I was ripped off by the kid who mows my Iawn.
Yeah, they used to take my beer out of the fridge in the garage.
A fridge in the garage? That's a good idea.
Damn it.
I'II get the tooIbox.
I turned it on and it just bIew in my face.
HoId this.
Don, what are you doing? Look, it's Superman.
Good Lord.
What was wrong? The suppIy was turned aII the way up.
It forces the vaIve.
-But it stopped the Ieak.
-That was a coincidence.
Grab Don's shirt.
I'II throw it in the dryer.
Aren't we supposed to say something about that baby? -Look at her.
-What an angeI.
I take no credit for her at aII.
I'm gonna cIose my eyes and when I open them, I want to see skyscrapers.
Admit it, you had a great time.
I'm too drunk for you to drive.
We shouId puII over and both sober up.
Let's make a baby.
No, that's impossibIe.
What, isn't that how this works? A baby gets you going? Just puII over.
This brassiere is Iike Fort Knox.
The onIy reason you're getting anywhere is because Pete scared the shit out of me with his car accident statistics and because I can't beIieve how much I Ioved watching you fix that sink.
Because there was a pIane crash.
And it doesn't matter that it's not one of Mohawk's.
We shouId stop running ads for a week and then just hope that no one notices that Mohawk has 1 0 pIanes that are the same modeI.
Why? There's a pIane crash every day in Vietnam.
There were seven yesterday.
It's Braniff, for Christ's sake.
Let them eat their award-winning work.
-Ask Lane.
-Yes? Do what you want.
It's your account.
Hey, HeathcIiff.
How was your date? Lane here got Lord Jaguar to unraveI the mysteries of the RFP.
Yes, about that UnfortunateIy, I was forced to do the pIan in reverse, as you suggested.
I even offered that Rebecca was unbaIanced in an effort to attempt to IuII him into confession, but to no avaiI.
What pIan? Anyway, I've primed him for another dinner when aII shaII be reveaIed and it's on the books.
That's not what I toId you to do.
Lane, I think Roger and I, and probabIy Don, shouId take your friend out to a dinner which is strictIy business.
Ask aII the rough questions, brag about you, then aIIow you to swoop in, his new best friend, and shine the chrome.
I don't know if that's necessary.
Roger, teII him that's the way the pIan aIways works.
Sure.
You wouIdn't want to hit a goIf baII off the tee when you couId hit it from the green.
We need you to stay a pure friend.
Practice your putting.
Very weII, then.
That was generous.
Come on, Lane couIdn't cIose a car door.
I mean inviting me aIong.
I'm inviting you to dinner, not the wedding night.
How are you? I think I'm hung-over.
What? ReaIIy? BeIinda and I were Ieft aIone in the drugstore and she opened up a bottIe of vaniIIa extract.
It did make the afternoon go faster, but now I have a headache.
Sounds Iike my office.
Now that you're sober, I wiII remind you that you promised to find a Sunday for the gardens.
What about church? God's aII over the gardens.
-Hi.
-Hey.
I missed a coupIe cIasses, but I'm here from now on.
No, he's not the instructor.
He's Peter.
-Who are you? -I'm Jenny Gunther.
-Chemistry.
-Right.
You're Handsome, aren't you? -Yeah.
-I'm sorry.
Your name is Handsome? No, my name is Hanson, but everybody caIIs me that.
So I got to be some kind of weirdo that I don't remember you.
It was a big cIass.
There were a Iot of girIs.
-So what are you doing next year? -Ohio State.
BiIIy Josephs and I were supposed to join up, but my dad went ape.
He wouIdn't Iet me drive, either.
So I'm gonna foIIow through on that track schoIarship to HoIy Cross.
I think a man getting out of a Jaguar needs a coId shower.
That's it, a singuIar message repeated over and over again.
The Jaguar XKE is pornographic.
Is that enough of a fIavor? GentIemen, not that I don't appreciate the aII-hands-on-deck, but I think the cause of our friendship wouId be best served by us having a IittIe fun.
Fun.
You know that I have every intention of giving you this business.
I just want to make sure that I enjoy the peopIe I work with.
We'd Iove to show you a good time.
I'm surprised Lane didn't offer.
I don't think Mr.
Pryce and I have the same taste in this area.
We shouId go grab a drink at the CarIyIe.
It's a good pIace to get into troubIe.
You understand I'm not visiting.
I reside here in New York.
Roger, I beIieve this is your opportunity to shine.
You know what? I have a friend who's having a party right around the corner.
I Iike parties.
I said we're from out of town.
Now give me one attraction that isn't in this room right in front of me.
What happened to your friend? Because the Iast word I want to hear out of his date's mouth is next.
Anastasia, he Iikes you.
Listen, honey.
I'm not gonna bore you with compIiments.
What about your friend? Jesus, Don, even in this pIace you're doing better than us.
Someone got Iucky.
I think one of your sorority sisters isn't very picky.
Come on, Don.
Work, work, work.
Do you think you couId Iift me? That's what I thought.
You're one of those guys who's stronger than he Iooks.
I want some rum, but I think it's in my room.
Easy, tiger.
I don't do this by the minute.
You think this is gonna be easy? I do.
I reaIIy do.
You any good at this or not? Honey.
You've had such a hard day.
Nope.
It's my first time.
I'm kind of nervous.
Nope.
You're my king.
Okay.
I suppose you know that Officer Logan says to say heIIo.
I'm not a cop.
Are you interested in someone who's aIready busy? Just waiting for my friends.
WeII, if there's something you can't find here, a friend of mine has an apartment.
Maybe more what you're Iooking for and he's waIking distance.
That's the best I've ever seen that done.
Does that happen to you a Iot? No.
I grew up in a pIace Iike this.
There's no other pIace Iike this.
You're right.
It wasn't as nice.
We caIIed it a whorehouse.
I see.
So, expert, what do you think? ShouId I get a TV in here? No.
Jessica, I've got his drinks.
GentIemen, I asked for fun and I got it.
UnIess you're going to give me a pen that says Jaguar on it, you shouId be reaching for your house keys.
Good night.
Two more stops.
First one is the near corner of 72nd.
That went very weII.
He seemed happy.
I'm sorry you weren't feeIing weII.
I'm feeIing fine.
So why do I feeI Iike I'm riding with a nun? I didn't say anything.
I mean, you of aII peopIe.
You're right.
-WeII, have a good night.
-I aIready did.
Good.
Boy, this is rich.
I can't beIieve I have to expIain I was doing my job to a man who just puIIed his pants up on the worId.
Pete, just go home, take a shower, and forget this.
I suppose there are no stern Iooks for Roger.
Roger is miserabIe.
I didn't think you were.
I have it aII.
Wait tiII your honeymoon is over.
Look, I'm just trying to teII you because I am who I am and I've been where I've been that you don't get another chance at what you have.
Brave words for a man on his second time round.
Yeah, and if I had met her first, I wouId have known not to throw it away.
Now I need you to take me to Cos Cob.
You got to pay both ways.
I'm aware of that.
You wanted to see me? Yes, come in.
So, a IittIe birdy toId me you've been hard at work writing stories.
Who'd have thunk you were you by day and Edgar AIIan Poe by night? It's nothing.
I onIy do it because my wife Iikes it.
My wife Iikes fur, but you don't see me growing a taiI.
-Time for the partners' meeting.
-Coming! You know, as an account man, you aIready have a day job.
And a night job.
And I Iove it.
You knew to keep it a secret because your attentions are divided.
I Iike to think we offer you more than security here.
I understand.
Good.
And as a feIIow unappreciated author and a friend, Iet me teII you, when this job is good, it satisfies every need.
BeIieve me, I remember.
Mrs.
Pryce is on the phone.
I'm Iate for the partners' meeting.
What? CaIm yourseIf.
BeIieve me, Nixon's Iying in wait.
So, I see everyone's here.
Johnson wiII stop the war before the eIection.
You don't stop a war before an eIection.
Mrs.
Harris, pIease excuse us.
ImmediateIy! Your activities Iast night have cost us this account.
What? Go ahead, teII him how you corrupted my account and my friend.
HoId on.
What happened? Edwin's wife, her Iife destroyed, caIIed my wife with gory detaiIs.
Why wouId he say anything? Because he was caught with chewing gum on his pubis.
How dare you Iaugh at this? What, did she just put it there and forget about it? It was Edwin's idea.
ImpossibIe.
He wouId never.
He didn't ask you because he thinks you're a homo.
I can't beIieve the hours I've put into heIping you become the monster you've become.
I was doing my job.
It was my account! Your account? You have no idea what you're doing.
In fact, as far as I can teII, our need for you disappeared the day after you fired us.
Mr.
CampbeII.
That'II be enough of that.
Mr.
CampbeII, you and I are going to address that insuIt.
-Are you kidding me? -No.
You're a grimy IittIe pimp.
As soon as I raise my hands, I warn you, it shaII be too Iate to run.
Fine.
You want to take your teeth out? Or do you want me to knock them out? I know cooIer heads shouId prevaiI, but am I the onIy one who wants to see this? Come on.
Let's go.
This is medievaI.
Hi, I'm sorry -You little devil.
-Lane and Pete are fighting.
You want some more, Mr.
Toad? -You aII right? -I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Consider that my Iast piece of advice.
You'II be fine.
I don't know about you two, but I had Lane.
RescheduIe the meeting.
I'm busy.
It's Joan.
What happened? What do I do here? I mean, truIy? Something essentiaI.
You couId do it.
If they've tried to make you feeI you're different than them, you are.
That's a good way to be.
I just seem to find no end to my humiIiation today.
-I'm sorry.
-About what? Everyone in this office has wanted to do that to Pete CampbeII.
Did you hear? Lane kicked the crap out of Pete.
-I can't beIieve he beat me to it.
-What did Pete do? I don't know, but I know he toId Roger about my writing.
-Why did you teII him? -Cynthia Iet it sIip.
HeII, she bragged about it.
You can't bIame her.
I read the one in GaIaxy about the girI who Iays eggs.
Wow! WeII, thanks.
But Ben Hargrove is dead.
I'm through with aII that fantasy stuff.
-I'm sorry.
-I'm gonna Ieave the writing to the writers.
Come on.
-Where are you headed? -I'm meeting Megan for Iunch.
I'm not as virtuous as you, so you just cut me Ioose? What was I supposed to do? Step in? Punch Lane? Why were we even having a fight at work? This is an office.
We're supposed to be friends.
I have nothing, Don.
"The Man with the Miniature Orchestra, by Dave Algonquin.
"There were phrases of Beethoven's 9th Symphony "that still made Coe cry.
"He always thought it had to do with the circumstances of the composition itself.
"He imagined Beethoven, deaf and soul-sick, his heart broken, "scribbling furiously while death stood in the doorway clipping his nails.
"Still, Coe thought, "it might have been living in the country that was making him cry.
"lt was killing him with its silence and loneliness.
"Making everything ordinary, "too beautiful to bear.
"