Monk s05e05 Episode Script

Look at that skyline.
It's the second most beautiful sight in the world.
The most beautiful is you.
Standing in front of me.
Are you okay? You you didn't say five words at dinner.
Jay, remember you said we couldn't go out on like this.
You said I had to make a decision.
You were right.
I'm going back to Eric.
- I'm going to try and make it work.
- What? He's my husband, Jay.
I tried to tell you at dinner.
I don't know.
I didn't want to ruin your birthday.
Let's go somewhere.
Just the two of us.
We can go to Bahia Tortolo for the week.
I can get Dr.
Eastman to cover my patients.
No, Jay, you're not listening.
It's over.
We can leave on Monday.
- The boat's already stocked up.
- What is your problem? I'm not going anywhere with you except back to shore.
Whatever you say.
Please.
Just take me home.
I suppose you've told Eric everything.
Are you kidding? You haven't told anyone? I'm not exactly proud of this.
So it's like it never happened.
That's one way to look at it.
Never happened.
MONK Season 5 Epi.
5 Mr.
Monk, Private Eye Mr.
Monk? Hello? - What's going on? - Making lunch.
And what's wrong with those? Uh, those are not quite up to snuff.
You know me.
It's got to be snuff.
What's that? It's a surprise.
Did I ever tell you about my grandpa, Neville Davenport? No, is he in the box? He was a great man.
You remind me of him, actually.
He was an assistant pharmacist in London.
And then, when he was about you age, he completely changed his life.
Just like that.
He quit his job and started a toothpaste company in England.
A toothpaste company in England.
I mean, talk about optimism.
And now, it's the third biggest brand in the world after Colgate and Crest.
Ah, I love that story.
I guess my favorite part is about the toothpaste company.
Mr.
Monk, there's a point to this story.
I don't think so.
I've been listening very carefully.
Okay, so I've been thinking about this.
And, uh I think you should start your own company.
Be a private investigator.
I mean, really go for it.
Hire a PR person.
Be aggressive.
Advertise.
Get new clients.
Um / Mr.
Monk, there are other detectives out there with a fraction of your talent who are getting rich.
You're Adrian Monk.
People will pay a fortune to hire you.
Yeah, that's something to think about.
I thought you'd say that, so I did what Grandpa Neville did, and I took the initiative.
A.
Monk Private Investigations.
$85? That's 85 cents a card.
Mr.
Monk, that doesn't matter.
You can't be afraid to take risks.
I think I can.
In fact, I think I already am.
Hold on.
Germs, heights, snakes, milk, needles, risk.
Yeah, it's on there.
Number six.
You know what Grandpa Neville's favorite expression was? "Leap and the net will appear.
" Well, he sounds like a very pleasant, very insane person.
It's not even at the right address.
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
Shunpike Road.
That's all the way downtown.
- It's the right address.
- It isn't.
Yes, it is.
Can I open my eyes now? Mr.
Monk, your eyes are opened.
When Grandpa Neville first started out, I swear to you his office looked just like this.
Okay, so this is my desk.
And yours is in there.
So when the clients come in, they sit there.
But then they come in here and talk to me.
And if I think they're legit, then I send them in to you.
- What clients? - Oh, they'll be calling.
I took out some ads on the Internet and in the phone book.
- Uh, Natalie, you can't afford this.
- Actually, you're paying for it.
- I can't afford this.
- Oh, yes, you can.
Remember last month when you got that bonus after solving the Kensington case? No.
/ That's because I used it for a down payment.
Grownups have a word for that.
We call it embezzlement.
- Don't tell me Grandpa Neville.
- That's Grandpa Neville.
Well, it's only fitting that we have his picture up.
After all, he is our inspiration, right? Leap and a net will appear.
Okay, I appreciate what you're trying to do here.
I really do, but, uh I have a job.
I am a consultant for the police department.
Not full time.
And, Mr.
Monk, they haven't called in weeks.
Which is fine with me.
I am not an ambitious man.
- I am not Grandpa Neville.
- You just give it a few months.
I'm sorry Months? Okay, a few weeks.
You'll see.
It's gonna be great.
Trust me.
You'll see.
How about Hamburg? I am into yoga, Pilates, getting in touch with my spirituality Been there, married that.
"My hobbies include bike riding, running, cuddling.
" Captain? You got a second? Uh, yeah, um Hang on, Randy.
Uh, just a minute.
Hang on.
You okay? / Yeah! Yeah.
This is, um classified, need-to-know stuff.
- What's going on? - Missing schoolteacher.
Husband's looking better and better.
I talked to a neighbor trouble in paradise.
Anna Pollard's been talking to a lawyer four months ago about filing for a separation.
No kidding? He told me that it was one long honeymoon.
Randy, that man lied to us.
I need to talk to him again.
Yes, sir.
Oh, by the way, my cousin saw your profile on Make-A-Date.
net.
I didn't know you like bossa nova.
Uh, that was, um It was There was an undercover sting operation going on with the Vice.
Okay, I admit it.
I, um I signed on.
I was curious.
Tell your cousin that I was just joking around.
/ That's okay.
You can tell her yourself.
You've been talking to her all week.
- She's Sexy In Sonoma.
- Wait, that's your cousin? When did you put in a hot tub? - I didn't put in a hot tub.
- She said you put in a hot tub.
I had a hot tub when I was at the motel.
Oh, that must be it.
Adrian Monk Investigations.
What is the nature of your problem? Being kept in a room against my will.
You were kidnapped? Oh, my God.
Hold on, hold on.
Do you know who did it? Yes, it was my personal assistant.
Her name is Natalie Teeger.
Natalie It's been two days.
You're human.
You made a mistake.
- It's not a mistake.
- It's a mistake.
Okay, it took Grandpa Neville's business a whole year before it took off.
You know Not everybody feels the same way you do about Grandpa Neville.
For example, I was just thinking how much fun it would be to dig up his body and poke it with a big stick.
Who's Grandpa Neville? And why are we poking him with a stick? Adrian Monk? I'm Linda Fusco.
Wait, do I know you? - Are you an actress? - Real estate.
Oh, oh, oh, Linda Fusco Realty.
On bus stops and billboards.
Wow, I can't believe Larry finally rented this dump out.
How much is he getting, He's having you for lunch.
Next time, you come to me.
Adrian, I've been asking around.
Cops, reporters And they all say that you are the man.
Well, I'm a man.
Oh, no, no, no.
He's just being modest.
He is the man.
He is the gold standard.
He is like Philip Marlow and Sherlock Holmes just rolled into Sweetheart, I'm showing a condo in 20 minutes.
So let's get this going.
Follow me.
Where are we going? It's right out here.
- This is it.
- That's a nice car.
This is a Lucerne 275 North star V8.
I get a new Buick every year.
It's my trademark.
See? There's a scratch.
It's a dent.
Here and here.
Son of a bitch.
And he left this on the windshield.
"Go to Nell.
" Who's Nell? Mr.
Monk, I think that's an H.
- So will you take the case? - What case is that? This is it.
This is the case.
The dented fender? Yes.
It happened at the Marina Wednesday morning.
I have a boat there.
I got there at ten to six to pick something up, and then I came back Mrs.
Fusco Ms.
Fusco.
/ Miss Fusco.
Ms.
Linda Linda, you must be insured.
But why should I pay for something that I didn't do? I love this car.
This is my baby.
And I want you to find that son of a bitch, Mr.
Adrian Monk, and make him pay for it.
- Yeah, it's a matter of principle.
- Exactly.
We'll take the case.
I'll draw up the contracts.
We get $400 a day.
I'll pay you $3000 if you catch the son of a bitch.
And if you don't you get zip.
I work on commission.
Why shouldn't you? Could I talk to you for a second? - Can we go home now? - I think we should do it.
Natalie, it's a fender bender.
It's not even a real crime.
It's a crime.
It's a misdemeanor or something.
Mr.
Monk, we have to start somewhere.
Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Well, what's it gonna be? Are we in business? Yes, ma'am.
We're on the case.
So according to this snap shots looks like her Buick was parked over there.
So maybe somebody backed up.
What do you think? Natalie, what are we doing here? I'm a homicide detective.
Mr.
Monk, I know it's not the crime of the century, but someone did this to her, and Linda Fusco deserves justice too.
Okay, what's next? Getting cats out of trees? Chasing jaywalkers? You know, Grandpa Neville used to always say Grandpa Neville used to say a man's reputation / Okay, okay.
Okay, I'll do it.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Anything but another Grandpa Neville story.
Thank you.
You're right.
You're right.
He backed out like this.
He must've gone this way.
He went the wrong way.
Why was he going the wrong way? Video camera covering the exit.
- He didn't want to be taped.
- Oh, oh, oh! That's good.
Now we're cooking! Yeah.
Now we're cooking.
So if he didn't want to be taped, - why would he leave a note? - Maybe there was a witness.
Somebody saw the accident, was watching him Maybe the perpetrator thought that if he just drove away, the witness would report it.
So he got out - and pretended to leave a note.
- Okay.
All right.
So we have to just find that witness.
Ah, where should we start? We might wanna start with Bill Gibbard.
Bill Gibbard.
That's great.
That's great! Oh, it's exciting! Oh, yeah.
This is a thrill a minute.
Captain Bill Gibbard Deep Sea Fishing Hello, there.
Hi.
We're looking for Mr.
Gibbard.
Captain Gibbard, and you're looking at him.
What's left of him.
But I can't help you today, missy.
Got bull kelp.
It's fouling my propeller something terrible every time I go out past the southeast barrier.
Avoid the southeast barrier.
That's my advice.
Okay.
That's some great advice.
Thank you.
- What kind of dog is that? - He's just a mutt.
Oh, yeah.
How long do they live? Captain, this is Adrian Monk.
- Monk? - Yeah, he's a private investigator.
We wanted to talk to you about a car accident that happened in that parking lot on Wednesday morning at 6:00.
I wasn't here.
Your sign says that you're here at dawn every day.
Well, I guess I must've been.
But I didn't see nothing.
You heard it though, right? It's only a couple hundred feet away.
Are you calling me a liar, Mr.
Monk? Whoa, what are you doing? I don't like private investigators.
Neither do I.
It was her idea.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let's jut settle down here.
Captain, if you happen to remember anything, could you please give us a call? - Here's our card.
- What are you doing? - It's 85 cents.
- Let go of the card, Mr.
Monk.
Let go of the card! Let g Here you go.
Thank you for your time, Captain.
Let's go.
- You owe me 85 cents.
- Fine.
Take it out of my paycheck.
- Don't think I won't.
- How'd you get so cheap? Really? I work for a living.
All right? At least, I used to.
Now I just get bull kelp splashed on me.
I really think that's an N.
- It's not an N, Mr.
Monk.
- What if it is? What if there is somebody out there named Nell who's got all the answers? What is this red swirl? I really think that's a brand name or a logo.
It looks like a J.
Or a T.
- Did you see this? - What? - That's wax.
- What See? That's a clue.
- Isn't this fun? - No.
Hello.
I'm looking for Sam Spade.
Nice place.
Looks like a real office.
It is a real office.
I didn't know you had it in you.
How's business? - It's - Good, good, good.
We're building a client base.
One client at a time.
Really? What are you working on? We're actually in the middle of something very big.
Very exciting.
Challenging.
- Homicide? - Ha ha.
No, it's more of a property damage thing.
Can't really talk about it.
Confidentiality.
- Is this Mitch? - No, that's not Mitch.
- Does that look like Mitch? - I don't know.
That's my grandfather.
That's Neville Davenport.
He's our patron saint.
Was he a detective? Nah No.
He was the famous toothpaste tycoon.
Help me.
/ What? Help me! She's gone mad.
Actually, I was hoping that you might be able to help us.
We hit a wall on that missing schoolteacher.
- You got a minute? - Sure.
We might be missing something.
Her car We found it in a parking lot at a shopping mall ten miles from the house.
Was it locked? Locked, no purse, no third party prints.
She told her husband that she was going shopping.
Now, either she lied to him, or he's lying to us, or somebody grabbed her in the parking lot.
- Where was he? - He says he was at home.
He's now admitting that they were on the rocks.
But I don't think he's the guy.
- Phone records? - We're still checking.
- Last seen wearing? - According to the husband, a light colored dress, sweater, and a pair of yellow flip-flops.
I think I'm a little jealous.
Are you seeing other clients behind my back? Ms.
Fusco, no, no, no.
These aren't clients.
These are former colleagues.
This is Randy Disher, and this is Captain Leland Stottlemeyer.
- Linda Fusco.
- I know who you are.
I've seen your billboards.
Actually, we just saw one yesterday.
Captain said that you looked really Nothing.
He didn't say anything which is strange, because he's usually pretty talkative.
The sign said that you were the number one realtor in Northern California.
Tell me something I don't know.
The elephant's the only mammal that can't jump.
Pardon me? You said tell you something you don't know.
And I told you that the only mammal who can't jump is your elephant.
Ms.
Fusco, can we help you? Yes, I would like to drop this off.
Here is an estimate from the body shop.
My new bumper's going to cost $900.
And when you find this son of a bitch, I want you to make him eat this.
Wait a minute.
This is your big case? A fender bender.
How'd you keep this out of the papers? It is important to me, Captain Leland Stottlemeyer.
By the way, sorry about the divorce.
I've been in real estate for 14 years, and I can smell divorce from Who's couch are you sleeping on? Actually, I'm not sleeping on a couch.
It's a futon.
Thank you, Randy.
Well, when you are ready for your own apartment, why don't you give me a call? - Maybe I will.
- Oh, I know you will.
As a matter of fact, I could show you a couple of things right now.
As a matter of fact, I've got a little time right now.
- My car or yours? - No, I always do the driving.
I'll bet you do.
Let's go.
Randy.
/ Yes, sir.
Why don't you stay here? - And? - And not come with us.
See you back at the station.
Whoo! That was fast.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer.
Oh, hey, I've been there.
- Where? - Joel's.
It's good.
It's a bar on Stanton.
I recognize the J.
I told you that was a J.
Is that important? Hi.
Hi, there.
Welcome to Joel's.
Do you have a reservation? Actually, we'd like to ask you a couple of questions.
- Do you have a card? - A card, yes.
- Well, give it to her.
- She can see it.
You can see it, right? - You're a private eye.
- Yeah, is this Is this from here? Yes, that's one of our doggie bags.
Right, we found some wax on it.
Blue and pink thought it might be from a candle.
Yeah, was there anybody here celebrating a birthday here recently? Maybe Tuesday night? We're thinking he had a birthday cake and then brought it home in one of these bags.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
There was this guy.
He was sitting over there.
Can I help you with something, my man? Oh, yes, uh, this man is a private investigator.
And we would love Yeah, I wasn't really talking to you, honey.
Can I help you with something, my man? Maybe, maybe.
We're looking for somebody who was here on Tuesday night.
We don't really talk about our customers.
People come here, want privacy.
We respect that, so You guys should probably just take a hike.
Here's the thing.
The man I'm looking for may be responsible for a hit and run.
Good for him.
Now beat it.
Here's the thing That's the thing.
Get him out of here.
Oh, Natalie.
Oh, God, Mr.
Monk.
Don't try to talk.
For the love of God, I'm begging you.
Let's just go home, please.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm sorry.
Oh, God, are you okay? I'm so sorry about Hal.
He can be such a creep.
Listen, listen.
This guy you're looking for, okay, Jay Bennett.
He's a regular.
I think he's a doctor.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, yeah.
Oh, card.
/ What? Can you get the card back? She gave us a name.
- She doesn't need the card.
- W wait.
Excuse me, do you still have that business card? Oh, yeah.
Sorry, it's a little bent.
Okay, thank you.
Here, Mr.
Monk.
Here, here, here.
Here's the card.
There, okay.
okay.
Watch your step.
Eggy doesn't like you.
The feeling's mutual.
Let's get this over with.
- You wanna count it? - It's not enough.
What are you talking about? We have a deal.
- That was before.
- Before what? Before a private investigator came poking around.
Monk? What'd you tell him? It's what I didn't tell him.
I didn't tell him that you left here on Tuesday night with a certain young lady and that you came back Wednesday morning, and you were alone.
Now, if I'm gonna be talking to private eyes or maybe even the cops, it's gonna be double.
Okay.
I'll double it.
But after that, forget it.
Here's the first half.
Shut up.
Are you sure you're okay? When I was a detective or a consultant, I would point to the bad guy, and the cops would go in.
And they would get shot at, or beat up, or hit in the stomach.
And it was a wonderful system.
See, everybody was happy.
Okay, Mr.
Monk, we can't just give up now.
Oh, good.
There it is.
Dr.
J.
Bennett Okay.
Please, please, please, please, please? Ah! / What? What do you think? It's been repaired recently.
The headlights don't match.
That one's new.
Left one's dirty.
Can I help you? - Dr.
Bennett? - That's right.
Hi, I'm Natalie Teeger, and this is my boss.
This is Adrian Monk.
Monk? / Yes, uh I'm working for the San Francis I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm I'm a consultant.
I used to be a I don't know what the hell I am.
He's a private investigator, Dr.
Bennett.
Were you in the marina Wednesday morning? / No.
You do keep a boat there, right? Uh / All right.
Let's get this over with.
You know what happened on Wednesday morning and so do we.
- You do? - Are you gonna deny it? I, uh I don't think I should talk about this.
I think I should call a lawyer.
Oh, no, no, no.
I don't think we need to drag lawyers into this.
They're just gonna, you know Blah, blah, blah.
Make a federal case out of it.
- It was an accident, right? - That's right.
I mean, these things happen every day, right? Uh, well - It's not a big deal.
- Not a big deal? What kind of cop are you? Come on, you pay a few bucks.
Everybody walks away.
It's like it never happened.
- What are you talking about? - What are you talking about? - What are you talking about? - What's he talking about? We are talking about this.
We have a client.
You hit her Buick.
And you damaged the fender.
- Her fender? - Yes, it's going to cost her $900.
Plus, I think an apology would be nice.
Yeah, what did you think we were talking about? I don't know, but you got the wrong guy.
The wrong guy Come on! It's a new headlight.
You're so smart? Prove it.
Excuse me.
Hold on.
Wait a minute.
- I don't believe this.
- What? I'm actually starting to care about this case.
This stupid $900 fender bender.
How the hell did that happen? There's brand new carpeting.
There's a washer and dryer in the basement.
And there is a park right down the street for your kids.
When they come to visit.
The one that we saw yesterday was bigger, right? That's true, but this one has a better view.
How do you figure? You see this condo here with the umbrella on the balcony? Yeah.
/ That's me.
You're right.
The view is better.
How much is it? It's $2250 a month, plus utilities.
I don't know.
Leland, it's been five months.
It's time to do this.
Do you think? Unfortunately, I speak from experience.
I know you're in pain, but you can't go around it.
You gotta go through it.
Besides, we'll have something in common.
Really? What's that? I'll have a better view too.
I think there it is.
That's his boat.
All right, so his car wasn't in the lot, so, uh - Let's do it.
- Wait.
Don't.
We don't have a warrant.
We don't need a warrant.
It's a boat.
Well, that's completely false, but it sounds good.
Let's do it.
/ Wait.
I can't go.
The boat is on the water.
I don't do water.
You can't swim? - To be honest, I don't know.
- You don't know.
I mean, I know how to swim technically.
I've just never actually, you know, done it.
All right, I took a correspondence course.
You learned to swim by mail? They sent me a little diploma.
And this.
"Swimming Fundamentals.
Don't panic.
Breathe normally.
Keep kicking.
" Can I have that back? Why did you even take the course? You never go near the water.
- Hello? Tsunamis.
- Mr.
Monk.
You don't have to worry.
You're not even gonna get wet.
Look, look, look, look.
That boat is tied to the dock.
The dock is bolted down.
It's like part of the land.
I'll stay here.
If Dr.
Bennett shows up, I'll whistle.
Leap, and a net will appear.
Kelp.
Jump.
Jump on.
Jump.
Jump.
Go, go.
Hey.
Hey, fella.
Hey, remember me? What's wrong? What's wrong? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
It says, uh, personal reference.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Excuse me.
Stottlemeyer.
Captain, it's me.
It's Natalie.
I'm at the marina.
I'm at Pier 24.
Natalie, I'm a little busy right now.
There's a body.
It's in the water.
I think it's Bill Gibbard.
Mr.
Monk and I were just talking to him yesterday.
Okay, listen, don't touch anything.
I'll call the harbor patrol.
- Be there in a minute.
- Okay.
Okay.
No, no, no, no, Mr.
Monk! Mr.
Monk! Stottlemeyer.
/ Sir.
- How you doing? - Fine.
Hey, Lieutenant.
- What's going on? - Oh, you know, a little bit of everything.
A local fisherman drowned.
ME's on his way.
And Monk is stowed away on a boat.
- And the boat took off.
- What? We were here and we working on Linda's case.
The fender bender? / Yeah, we have a suspect Jay Bennett.
And Mr.
Monk snuck on the boat to look around.
It's all my fault.
I just kept on pushing him.
Jay Bennett.
Dr.
Jay Bennett? That name just came up on the missing schoolteacher, Anna Pollard.
His name's all over the phone records, too.
I was just going through them.
Dr.
Jay Bennett.
Tuesday night.
Tuesday night, he dumped her body in the bay.
And then he came back here He must've hit your car in the parking lot while he was leaving.
That's why he didn't leave his name on the note.
He could not admit that he'd been here.
We need to intercept the boat.
How soon can you get a cutter out here? Damn it.
I have a boat.
This isn't about a dented feder, is it? You figured that out, huh, Mr.
Private Eye? Is this where you killed her? Back up.
Against the railing.
Here's the thing.
I I don't really think I can swim.
I took a course.
But, I never actually, technically It doesn't matter.
You're gonna be dead before you hit the water.
First, the shoe.
"Don't panic.
" Forget that.
"Breath normally.
Flutter kicks.
Hand " Right.
Bennett's in custody.
Coast Guard just intercepted his boat.
Was Mr.
Monk with him? Hey, there he is! There's Monk! - Where? - 20 degrees to port.
Is he swimming? / What's that beside him? Is it a life preserver? Ah, looks like a toilet seat.
Well, if it's floating, why doesn't he just grab it? - Oh too hard to explain.
- Complicated story.
- It's just a weird thing.
- Monk! / Hey! What? What did he say? He said, "Leap and a net will appear, my ass.
" Oh, God.
I'm so sorry.
Here, here, here.
S Southeast barrier.
Southeast barrier? What about it? Her body That's where he dumped her.
- He told you that? - No.
Kelp.
Bull kelp.
It was on his anchor.
It's still wet from the b barrier.
Okay, we'll get some divers out there straight away.
This is Disher.
We need divers out at the southeast barrier.
Oh, Mr.
Monk.
I'm sorry.
Uh sorry, sorry.
Sorry about the net thing.
Oh! Yeah? It's next to the refrigerator.
The other side.
Thank you.
See you around the neighborhood.
I guess you will.
All right.