The L Word s05e05 Episode Script

Previously on The L Word And I got invited to a Barry Bird party.
Those, you know, velvet mafia type underground parties for all the closet Hollywood homos.
You won't be doing any podcasting from here.
- Oh, no.
- That's Daryl Brewer, one of the top breaking point guards in the NBA.
- Ow.
- Ow.
- Sorry, girl.
- Oh, it's okay.
I've got two.
I like you.
- I'm Dawn Denbo.
- Hi.
This is my lover, Cindi.
Welcome to SheBar.
This is Kit, from the Planet.
We're not trying to take any business away from you.
Don't even sweat it.
We're not even going to serve coffee.
Oh, now.
Who the hell is that? That's Niki Stevens.
Isn't she gorgeous? She's the lead in our movie.
Girls in L.
A.
love their drama.
Girls everywhere love their drama.
We took care of that problem.
We don't cheat, and whatever we do we do together.
No drama.
How could you let a student stand in front of your class with a gun pointed to his head? You are really lucky that you have Jodi.
Yeah.
Okay, everyone.
Quick round-table introduction, then we'll get on with it.
Hi.
My name's Cammie, and I'll be playing Shaun.
What's up, everybody? My name is Susan, and I will be playing Alysse.
Hi.
I'm Lauren.
I just took the most hellish flight to get here, so I'm very happy to see you all.
I'm playing the role of Helen.
Hello.
I'm Isabella.
You can call me Bella, and I'm playing the role of Bev.
All right! Hi.
I'm Gretchen, and I'll be playing Nina.
Can I just say how excited I am to be here? Yeah! I think we're going to do some very important work.
Apologies.
I was signing papers in my new loft.
I'm Begonia, playing the predator.
- Hello.
- Hey.
And I'm Cheryl and I'm playing Cat.
You all just watch out.
Hi.
I'm Marci.
Donna, the soccer player.
Hey, all.
Happy to be representing the dudes.
I'm Greg.
I'll be playing Jim, Jesse's fiance.
Don't think I'm a bitch because I'm wearing my sunglasses inside.
I, um, just got my pupils dilated, which is weird, but, anyway, I just I'm not being rude.
I just have to wear them.
Oh, and I'm Niki, playing Jesse.
Peace.
I'm Tina.
I'm the producer.
I'm also the executive vice president of creative affairs for Shaolin Pictures.
Welcome.
Hi, everyone.
My name is Jennifer Schecter and I am the writer, and I'm also the director of Lez Girls, and I just want to say how thrilled I am I really am to have all of you guys here.
This is the culmination of so many things for me, so I want to welcome you guys to the first table read-through of Lez Girls.
Whoo! Yay! Whoo! Hey.
Hey Hi.
I, uh I was just having a quick drink.
I had a brutal day at work.
You've been avoiding me.
No, I haven't.
Okay, yeah, maybe I have.
I'm sorry.
I just think we should talk about it.
That's all.
Okay.
Yeah, you're right, let's talk.
Do you want to have a drink? Oh, I'm sorry, I can't right now.
I'm supposed to meet Jodi, but I Oh.
What about tomorrow afternoon? I can't tomorrow.
I have meetings all day Right.
And Jenny is having this party tomorrow night for all the actors.
I've got to go to that.
I don't want to make it difficult.
I'm really I'm not trying to.
I I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
- No, no, no.
- I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
You and Jodi are together.
Okay? I don't want to get into this whole fucked-up push-me, pull-me thing with you.
Let's not get all freaked out and weird and manipulative about it Am I being manipulative? Is that No.
Let's just talk when we talk.
- Okay? - Okay.
Have a good night.
Yeah, you too.
It's going to be so insane at Jenny's party with the whole cast of Lez Girls there.
Really? Well, it's like that game, "who would play you in a movie?" Except it's real life.
Yeah.
I always thought Parker Posey should play me, but, you know.
Well, Beech and I have a strategy session tomorrow night.
I won't be home until late.
Well, you can come after.
Yeah, okay.
the topic tonight homosexuality Hey, Tash, that basketball guy from the other night's on TV.
He's always on TV.
publicly last year, the reaction from the sports community was mixed.
today, another NBA player, Daryl Brewer, has voiced his disapproval of Amaechi's homosexual lifestyle.
John Amaechi recently announced he's gay, becoming the first in the NBA to come out.
what do you think of his decision to come out publicly as a gay man? First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team.
You know? I don't think that's right.
I don't want any faggots in the locker room looking at me or brushing up against me on the court.
I don't like gay people, so I let it be known.
Oh, my god, you little sneaky fag.
Oh, my god, Tasha, come here.
You're not going to believe this.
Hold on.
This is crazy.
Okay, ready? Hold on.
as a gay man? first of all, I wouldn't want him on my team.
You know? I don't think that's right.
I don't want any faggots in the locker room looking at me or brushing up against me on the court.
I don't like gay people, so I let it be known.
That little piece-of-shit poseur.
It's one thing to keep your business to yourself, but it's another thing to go spread lies and hatred.
I know! He was, like, three feet away from me, asking me about my shoes.
Whatever.
He'll get his someday.
It's because of people like that that you have to fight so hard to keep your job.
I wish I could smack the shit out of that guy and out his hypocritical ass, but it ain't going to happen.
So much for that.
You heard it here from news live.
We'll continue to bring you more as this story unfolds.
Stay with us.
Daryl Brewer's previous comments have angered Hi.
How are you? Um, good, good.
How are you? Doing well.
Can't complain.
This is looking good.
It's new.
Oh, yeah.
We've expanded.
Oh, and I see you did the drive-thru window.
I remember Kit was talking about doing that.
Yeah, yeah, she told Dawn.
Apparently, L.
A.
lesbians like to do everything in their car.
That, and they love their caffeine.
Mm.
Planet Coffee? Come on, that's so tired.
You should try our new blend.
It's so much more flavorful.
Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm.
Plus, we have so many other delicacies to offer.
- Really? - Yeah.
Like what? Tarts, pie, muffins Mm-hmm.
lady fingers.
I could go on.
Well, then, maybe you should think about giving out a sampler so everyone gets a taste.
Yeah.
Anyway, why don't you Why don't you come over to our place this afternoon and we'll cook you up something special? - Yeah? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Sure.
Okay.
I'll be there.
I'll see you later.
Yes, you will.
Have a good day.
Yeah, you too.
Yeah! Mm-hmm.
And who is the other girl? Oh, well she was the one I met in Cabo.
She was so beautiful and she went to UCSB, so, you know, we did the whole commute thing from L.
A.
to Santa Barbara for a while, then it kind of turned into a drag, so we ended it, and that's when I met the other girl, Jimmy.
Mm.
Jimmy.
That's so ugly.
Jimmy was a "boi.
" You know, not B-O-Y boy, but B-O-I boy, and she was super adorable and I actually had so much fun with her except for when she was drunk, because then she was a total a-hole, right? Right.
So, anyway, do you have a girlfriend? No.
Why not? Because I have to be a good girl and be serious about my work.
What about this one? No.
Adele, do you like it? I think you look beautiful.
Don't listen to her.
She wears "mom" jeans with camel toe.
It's true, Adele.
Listen, you just need to be more mid-western and middle of the road.
She really didn't become fashion forward until she started this Svengali-like relationship with Karina.
What's a Svengali? A Svengali is a character in a George Du Maurier novel called Trilby, and he's a hypnotist and he meets a young woman and turned her into a performer and his muse, and he became controlling and she found that she couldn't perform without him.
Totally sounds like Jimmy a total a-hole.
Wow.
That looks pretty.
Jesus! Fuck, Adele.
Oh, sorry, sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.
You scared the shit out of me, woman.
Sorry.
Jenny just gave me the keys to the house so I could drop this stuff off.
Oh, god, I didn't know you were baking.
I was going to get some cakes from Sweet Lady Jane.
No, no, no, no.
You don't have to, you don't have to.
I'm making, um, party brownies, so don't worry about it.
Party brownies? Huh? What are party brownies? Party brownies.
Oh, party brownies! Hi, Max.
You know, when I was a kid, Our neighbors had this huge pot farm in their backyard, and, um, my dad was a fireman so he was always trying to call the cops on them, but, and I don't know, I think that the sheriff must've been a pothead because I thought you said your dad was a travelling salesman? Yeah, he was.
He just, um he just volunteered with the fire department on the weekends.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Anybody need anything from the grocery store? I'm going to go get the food.
- No, I'm fine, thanks.
- Yeah? Knock-knock! Hey, come here.
Okay.
Yes, I will.
Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you? - Good.
- Good.
Nice to see you.
How's it going? - Good.
How are you? - Good.
How's Jenny's indentured servant working out there? I think she's kind of cute.
- I know! In a nerdy kind of way.
- Yes - Yeah, I think so too.
- Really hot.
I think there's something kind of off about her maybe.
Really? Like what? Like she's not exactly who she pretends to be.
You're one to talk there, Max.
Ooh! You know what? Fuck off.
So, what'd you want me to work on? Oh, oh, oh! - You just fucked it.
- Mm-mm.
Mm.
Major project.
Okay, and you don't have any program to make my boobs look smaller? No.
Okay, go.
One last time.
Okay, here it is.
* Alice in Lesboland! * Hi.
This is Alice pieszecki, and this is a very, very special edition of Alice in Lesboland.
I've got a little beef that I need to talk about.
Um, I was invited to a party over the weekend.
I was very excited, I got all dressed up, and I met a fabulous, super-nice, flaming homosexual man named Daryl Brewer.
Ring a bell? I guess he's a he's a big sports somebody.
I don't know, plays a little b-ball.
Don't ask me.
So even though I wasn't supposed to, I took this this, uh, little video of him.
You can roll that.
okay, so you can imagine, you know It gets me every time.
I'm waking up in the morning and I see this, Daryl on TV, saying this on the national news.
Roll it.
I don't want any faggots in the locker room looking at me or brushing up against me on the court.
I don't like gay people, so I let it be known.
All right, I'm letting it be known, mr.
Brewer, that you're a homo.
Yes.
And a hypocrite.
Yes, you are.
I love that part.
And I'm Alice Pieszecki, and this is Alice in Lesboland, and I'm out.
So you sure you want to do this? Oh, my god, put it up.
Let's go.
Launch it.
What do you do? Okay.
Just upload.
All right.
There it goes.
Yoo! Hello? Hey.
Hey.
Come on up.
Hey.
Hello.
You like what you see? Nice shoes.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm good.
How are you? - I'm good.
- Yeah? Where's Dawn? I hope you don't mind, but I kind of want you all to myself.
But I thought you did everything together, right? Isn't that what you said? Don't worry about it.
Mm.
She'll be fine, really.
Look, we have a very open relationship.
Yeah, but if I recall, I think Dawn was pretty clear on the rules, right? Oh So, do me a favor.
Call her, get her over here, then we can all bring sexy back together.
She's at work.
Cindi, I don't want drama, so, please, in the spirit of full-disclosure, would you What? get her on the phone.
What's the deal? I mean, you like her better than me, is that it? No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Then what? You made the rules.
I didn't.
Oh, that's so nice of you.
I can't.
All right, do you want to fuck me or not? Hmm? What? Whoa.
Hey, Kit.
Did you know that those SheBar girls are serving breakfast and coffee down the street? I thought they said they were just going to do nightlife.
Well, apparently nightlife is now in the day, and it involves bagels and lattes.
And it had a drive-thru window.
What? Are you kidding me? - No.
- Girl, that was my idea.
I told that Dawn Denbo that I was thinking about having one of them things put in.
Really? Yeah.
Hey, Max.
What's up? Really? Okay, thanks.
Hey, Kit, can I use your TV? Can we put it on? Um, yeah.
Yeah.
Um, channel 11.
Yeah.
And here he is, Daryl Brewer in front of his Michigan home.
I can only apologize to my family and my friends and teammates and ask for the Lord's forgiveness.
I'm going to take this time to be with my loved ones and to seek the help that I need.
Thank you for your time.
- Oh, my god! - but it wasn't until an online journalist, Alice Pieszecki - They know my name! - posted footage of Brewer on her gay website, ourchart - Oh, my god! - Girl, look at you.
engaged in intimate acts with another man, that this story has received national attention.
The clip was quickly uploaded onto YouTube, where it had an estimated 500,000 hits within the first two hours after it was posted.
No comment from Brewer on the identity of the man he was kissing.
I can't believe that Daryl Brewer is gay! Oh! Oh, my god, I have, like, What? Whatever you do, move the Crane shot to the beginning of the day.
Oh, yeah, and you know what? Jenny still hasn't met with the production designer.
We really need that to happen, okay? And, you know, could you be there to take notes? Tina? Tina, Tina, Tina.
Tina, guess who had the most amazing idea.
Guess who should be in the movie? Sounder II.
He's so cute, he's perfect.
Totally.
- Aren't you? You're perfect.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, Jenny, dogs can be really difficult for a production.
They can make you go a lot longer, it costs a lot more.
They have these specially trained, camera-ready dogs anyway when they do use the dogs, and I don't know if Sounder's ready for that.
Well, he thinks he's ready for it, so I'm going to get Sally to get him his temporary working papers.
Yeah, Sally will love it.
Oh, totally! It's such a good idea.
Sally has, like, Did you meet sally's maltese? Well, at least the two of them are getting along.
How'd that happen? We have Adele to thank for that.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
How did you do it? Jenny hated her.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I didn't really I didn't really do anything.
I just I knew that Jenny knew how much Niki wanted the role, and that it came out of personal conviction, because she relates so You saved the picture, kid.
Adele, can I talk to you for a second? Um, first of all, I just, uh, I want to tell you how much I appreciate what you did, finessing the situation with Jenny and Niki.
It took a lot of initiative, and, god, I just think you're going to be a great asset to production.
I do.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I just, um, I just want to contribute in any way that I can.
Well, that's great, because, um, you know, Jenny's a first-time director, and sometimes, first-time directors, they can get distracted or caught up in the wrong things, and it would be great if you could just keep me apprised of anything that you might think might be an issue for production.
Do you do you mean you want me to spy? Oh, no, no, no, no.
I wouldn't want you to betray any confidences.
Just give me a heads-Up If you see any potential problems.
That's all.
For Jenny's benefit.
- Okay.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.
- Just for Jenny.
Yeah.
I'm here to help, so, that's great.
Great.
I'm counting on you.
Thanks.
Tasha Williams.
Leave a message.
Hey, Tash, it's me.
Hi.
I really I've been trying to reach you all day, and I really, really, really need to talk to you, because I am being asked to go on Crossfireball, or I don't know.
Whatever.
And I posted that video of that guy, Brewer, and, um, yeah, it went viral, and it's crazy, and all these news organizations want to talk to me, so I need to talk to you, because I need to know what you want me to say.
Okay, it's important to me, so please call me back.
We're going to get those fuckers.
Whoo! Okay, I love you.
Call me.
Bye.
Yes, I am professional.
Yes, okay.
Hi, Tina? Hi.
Hi, it's me.
Um I just wanted to double-check that you'd be able to take Angie the weekend of the fourth.
I think I might have to I might have to go out of town.
Um well, I don't have my book in front of me, but I'm sure it will be fine.
Okay.
Great.
Is that it? Yeah.
No.
Well I don't know.
It's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal.
I just I just don't know what to do, but I know you're busy.
No, no, no, no.
What? never mind.
It's okay.
What is it? Well, there's this major controversy brewing here, because Jodi let one of her students perform this particularly provocative art piece and now the board of trustees is completely up in arms, and Jodi wants to talk to them, but I think it's a terrible idea, because she's bound to tell them all what a bunch of assholes they are, but if she starts talking to them, it's just going to exacerbate the whole situation, and, really, they're gunning for her.
Let her speak for herself.
Jodi's a very capable person.
And very hot-tempered.
Yeah.
Look.
I know you want to fix everything, okay? But you just have to let her fail or succeed all on her own, okay? Otherwise, it's just a disaster for both of you.
So you're saying that I should stay out of it? Yeah.
Support her, advise her, but, otherwise, let her deal with it herself.
Okay.
Okay, I'm sorry to talk your ear off.
I'm I just need somebody to talk to.
No, that's fine.
Look, I've got to go.
I have a meeting.
Right.
Right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
I can't wait for you to meet the actress playing Shaun.
Is she a 10? Okay, here's all the extension cords I have.
Good.
Adele's just out back or out in the front, putting up the lights.
Hey, Jenny how's everything working out with her, anyway? Great.
She's so good.
I mean, I just don't imagine what life would have been like without her.
Because I have to say, you know, something wasn't quite sitting right with me about her, so I, um, did a little background check on her.
Okay.
So? Remember how she said her mom was hospitalized from '86 to '92? And that her dad was a travelling salesman? Right.
Well, okay, she said he was out on the road the whole time she was in the hospital, right? Yeah? Then she said he hurt his back in a factory accident.
I mean, I don't get it.
Max, I don't need to know this shit before festivities begin.
I got to say, I like Adele.
I just think she's a sweetheart.
Yeah, I know.
It's just I just checked out her story a little bit, and, um, the hospital she said her mom was in from '86 to '92 the Birdwell Sanitarium It closed in '87.
Well, I'm going to assume that's because it was a troubling time in her life and her memory's not that clear on it.
- Yeah, Max.
- Maybe.
- Adele! - Maybe.
- Adele, come here.
- Jenny, don't tell her.
- Shut up! - Don't.
Come on! - Adele! - Yeah, yeah, yeah? What is it? Max thinks that there's something really suspicious about you, because he said that the sanitarium that you said your mother was in while she was sick was actually closed.
Adele, it's not like I was checking up on you or anything.
I was researching something for Alice, and I ran across this thing Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wanted to clear the air, you know? Yeah, that's totally fine.
I mean, I get why it would be confusing.
Um my mom was She was at Birdwell, but she when she tried to Sorry.
Oh She we had to take her to a high-Security institution, down in Winter Park.
So, I don't know, maybe Birdwell closed down after that.
I don't know.
Okay.
I'm going to go finish.
Just go finish hanging the lights.
Now that was some good thinking.
Okay, everybody settle.
We're back in five, four, three, two Ms.
Pieszecki, why did you feel compelled to post the footage you shot of Daryl Brewer on the internet? Oh, well, originally, I didn't I didn't videotape him with the intention of outting him, - it was more of a personal - Now, it's hard to believe that you weren't seeking notoriety by filming him and then posting the footage on your website.
No, I no.
I just thought it was very mean, what he said about gay people Rhat's freedom of speech.
That's his prerogative, to say whatever he wants to, but it's a violation of his privacy if you're going to videotape him when he doesn't think he's being watched, and then have it put up on the world wide web! No, I I didn't think it would get so big.
You never thought it would get so big? You're an internet journalist, and you didn't realize the power of the net? Come on! I mean, these things go viral in an instant.
It destroys careers! Imus, Isaiah Washington, you know, the list goes on! Yeah, but it wasn't like that Do you regret what you did, ms.
Pieszecki? Do you care that you might have destroyed this man's family? I don't buy it Wait a minute! Why should I feel bad for hurting this guy? I mean, when he's hurting me and millions of other gay people by saying such hateful comments? Yeah, but the bottom line is Look, he started this by saying awful things in the first place! So, you're going to take it upon yourself - to then go after every - No, I'm talking! I'm not finished! Listen.
Gay people are bashed and and harassed and killed every day, and then you've got this guy, who's gay himself, and he's saying this garbage? It's disgusting! I totally respect someone's choice to stay in the closet, I do.
If that's what they want to do, I get it, but I don't think it's okay to kiss your boyfriend one day and then go out and trash gay people the next Especially if you're a public figure and you have people looking up to you! So, no, I don't feel bad.
I do not feel bad about what I did.
Well, she's got a good point, Pat.
Uh, I'd like to actually go back to what we spoke about earlier, if we could, uh I have an idea.
Yeah? Yeah.
Why don't we just skip the party? You just don't want to give Jenny the satisfaction.
No, that's not it.
I'm letting that go.
Jenny can do whatever she wants with her silly movie.
I'm completely detached from the notion that it has anything to do with my life.
It is fiction.
Fiction.
I would rather stay here with you.
I've been missing you with all this nonsense at work.
I think we need to reconnect.
Hey.
Yeah? I want to dance.
You want to dance? Yeah.
Oh, christ.
Let's go to the party for a little while, then we'll come home and connect.
Okay? Okay? I want to change my clothes.
- How are you? - Hi.
- Good.
- Hi! This is for you.
- Oh.
So sweet.
- To get the party started.
Thank you.
Come to the back.
I want to show you something.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
Thank you.
So you're playing Shaun? Yeah.
Good.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
You know, I'm not gay.
Okay.
I have a boyfriend.
Good for you.
I just play gay.
Right.
"Gay for pay.
" That's cute.
Hi! Bette! Hi, Jenny.
Hi! Hello, Jodi! Mwah! - Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.
You guys want something to drink? Jodi, do you want a drink? Sure.
Adele! Make them something great.
Thank you.
Bye! Cheers.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god! Hi! How are you? It's so nice to see you! You have to meet "Alysse.
" - Look! - Is this? - Yes! - Oh! Oh Wow! Hi.
I'm Susan.
Oh.
Alice.
Playing Alysse, playing Alice.
Wow.
Wow! - You? Really? - Yeah! God.
Oh! Alice.
How you doing? - Good.
- I don't see it.
- I know.
- I can change hair? No, no, no, no it's just I have some ideas.
I was actually going to get in touch with you through Jenny.
I don't know if if you're open to it, or - Totally open.
- Okay.
I'm, like, wide open Yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Hi.
Thanks for talking to me earlier today.
It's fine.
It was fine.
I mean, I know it's awkward, and I just felt really, really stupid.
- No - Tina! - Hi.
- Hi! Isabella.
It's good to see you.
Yeah, thanks for coming.
Isabella Perkins, this is Bette Porter.
Hi.
It's really nice to meet you.
I'm such a fan of your work.
Oh, my god.
Bette! I should have recognized you from your photos.
I've been researching you online.
It's so wonderful to meet you! You've been researching me? Mm, Isabella is playing Bev in Lez Girls.
Wow.
Uh, god.
I mean, I knew that you were in the movie, I-I just didn't realize that you were going to be playing Jenny's warped interpretation of me.
It must be difficult for you to have your life and relationships examined.
No, it's fine.
It's fiction, right? - I mean, it's fiction.
- It's fiction.
- Fiction.
- It's so important for actors to get to the truth.
I was hoping you could help me with my "whys"? - Your "whys"? - Mm-hmm.
I can see you are an incredibly passionate and accomplished woman.
You know, you've worked hard to be get you are.
You know, you're bold and uncompromising in your vision and your approach to life, you've got a great marriage to a kind and generous partner You know what, Bella? I don't know if the party Is the place to really But something is wrong.
Why? I mean, what is it in Bev that seeks to sabotage everything she's built? Why does she cheat with the plumber? Does she seriously think that Jenny's idiotic drivel is reflective of me and my life, at all? I can't answer your fucking "whys.
" You know why? Because it's not me.
It's not me.
And apart from anything else I am frankly fucking flabbergasted I am flabbergasted that she cast such a white actress She's white.
Okay? Was Mary-fucking-Poppins not available? I mean, really, what the fuck can she possibly know about my life? What can she know? Is she black? Thank you.
Bette, can I just I want to go.
Excuse me.
I want to get out of here.
What's the matter with you? You're flirting with her.
I'm having a good time.
With that Helena clone? I'm not flirting with her.
I'm just talking with her.
She's nice and interesting.
She's all over you.
You're insane.
She's the straightest person I've ever met.
I was trying to explain to her how lesbian sex works.
Plus, she has a boyfriend.
Chill out.
Well, I'm leaving.
Fine.
I'll see you later.
Fine! Bette.
I'm so sorry.
I had no idea that Isabella would blindside us like that.
You know what? The thing is she's not wrong.
I still don't have any answers to any of her "whys.
" I don't.
What happened the other night, it was a mistake.
- Okay? - It shouldn't have happened.
I know, I know.
We just got caught up in a moment.
Yes.
It's just not going to happen again.
No.
No.
Of course not.
Are you are you sorry that it did? Yes.
I am.
Are you in love with Jodi? Yes.
I am.
I was trying to get Tasha on the phone all day to tell her about it, couldn't get her, on the cell phone, thinking "get on the phone.
" Hey, do you want one? No, I'm good, thanks.
Hey, listen, they're not gay.
I promise.
Oh, my god what if they were gay? What if our brownies were gay? They're all fucking each other.
You're hot! I'm fine! Shane! Shane! Shane! Hey, Shane! Yeah.
Hey.
How are you doing? - Yeah.
- Cindi.
Oh? Cindi, no.
I'm fucking Dawn Denbo, and this is my lover, Cindi.
Yeah.
I'm talking to you.
I'm telling you, you've gone and messed the wrong bi don't look at her! You've messed with the wrong bitch, bitch.
You fucking come into my house and fuck my beautiful girlfriend without even the courtesy of inviting me Cindi, you said it was okay! - Stop.
- But Seriously, I'm this close.
You said that it was fine.
You said it was What the fuck! - Wait, you expect me to believe - Tell her that my baby no, no, no, no, no.
What do you think I am? An idiot? Does it look like I was born yesterday? Oh, motherfucker.
Okay.
That's funny, you know that is.
You know what I'm going to do? Babe, just for you? I am going to fucking ruin you.
Okay? And every one of your smug-ass motherfucking friends.
And you I don't even know you, but you're going down, too.
How about that? Me? Yes, you are.
Yeah.
And the stupid-ass fucking Planet? It's done.
All right? It's all done.
Yeah.
Oh, that's good, go ahead and be smart-ass.
And let me tell you one more thing.
Keep those skinny fucking hands of yours to yourself, all right? It's on, all right? It's fucking on.
Cindi! I'm so sorry.
Cindi! I didn't mean to get you in crap.
Turn the music back up! Who was that? She those are the two girls that own SheBar.
- Oh! - Oh! Wait, wait.
Okay, be serious.
Want to do me? I'll get to you.
I don't get that.
Like, I mean, okay, I know that they meet on a couch and they have, like, this, like, intense conversation about books, and I know that, but What? I mean, then they just go to the bathroom and start getting it on? Totally! Come on! It's so cheesy! Oh, my god.
Fuck o no! Yes, it is, it's, like, Cinemax - No - Oh, sorry, Cinema It's true! Oh, my god, I just had the most awesome idea.
Okay, you've got to go over there.
Go over there.
Right here? Yeah, yeah, okay, we're going to fucking workshop the scene! - Now? - Yes, now! Okay, okay.
Just you put your hands over your face.
Okay, you've got to be serious.
Okay.
- Okay.
- You are Jesse.
Take your hands off your face and transform.
Go for it.
Go! No, come on! Be Jesse.
Be serious.
Okay, you have just met the most alluring oh, hey, come on! Just be serious.
So, like, I'm gonna yeah, be serious.
Okay, Karina and Okay, so, like, you're sitting across from this woman and she's, like, the most alluring, intoxicating woman of your whole life.
She's, like, talking about, like, fucking silver water, and you're, like, just going insane, and your, like, heart is, like, in your throat, and then you remember.
You have this man, named Jim, who likes to swim, and you're just, like "What am I going to do?" - Yeah, but you have to - Wait wait Two emotions.
Okay.
Who are you going to be? Okay, I'm going to be me.
Okay, let me try, okay.
Okay, Karina and Jesse? Karina.
I have to pee! This is when she comes into the bathroom, and she's looking at you, and then She takes you, and she turns you around and she pushes you against the wall and then she kisses you.
See? Now you have to go.
Or Jesse stays.
Niki stays.
Whoa! No, no, no, no! Who's in there? Oh, fuck.
It has no lock.
Where's my There's no lock.
Take it off! Take it off! Fuck you! I totally have these shoes.
You do? I got them on sale.
They're my Daisy Dukes.
We're going to fuck in a closet.
The irony hasn't escaped me.
Pool party! Shut up! It's fine, you know? I used to fuck in this pool.
Fuck it! Who cares? Used to be my pool.
What? It used to be my pool.
Let's go swimming! You guys, I think I lost my buzz.
I'm going to go get another pot brownie.
"It's on," girlfriend! Whoo-hoo! Wahoo! I'd like to make a noise complaint.
Whoo! My next-door neighbor.
Oh, my god.
Baby.
Where've you been? I've been trying to call you all day.
Why would you do that? Do what? Out that guy like that.
You turned his whole fucking life upside-down.
I did that for you! What are you what are you talking about? You said, "I hope that guy gets what's coming to him," so I gave it to him.
Yeah, but it's not your job to put his business out there like that.
Who are you to judge that man's life? You don't know what he's going through, or what his circumstances are.
What is the difference between you outing him and the military outing me? Oh, my god, that's so different! No, it's not different! And then you do it on national fucking television! I tried to call you all day to see if that was all right.
How can that be all right? That's that's our problem.
You never think! I am so fucking sick of you talking to me like that.
No! Seriously, though.
Like, when is this going to stop? And now you're you're doing TV interviews, and you've got newspapers calling, and you're like the big deal all of a sudden.
What? Did you ever think that might not be the most discreet thing to do while I'm prepping for my hearing? You know that they're watching me! You're such a fucking hypocrite! You say you don't want what you're going through to change my life, but then the second I do something that I want to do, you get mad at me You're not getting my point.
You know, we just see things differently.
Why is my life supposed to stop because you want to live in a fucking closet? I did not sign up for that bullshit.
You did.
I am allowed to say what I want and do what I want and fucking out who I want, and love who I want.
Because I live in the goddamn U.
S.
of fucking A! And I'm the one out there fighting for your right to be ignorant.
I can't even be around you right now.
Oh, I can't be around you! Fuck you! Honey.
Um I don't think you should drive.
No, no, no, I'm just gonna call a cab Oh.
I don't think you should drive.
No, I don't mind driving.
I'm not drunk.
- No, no, no.
You can sleep on the sofa.
- I'm calling a cab.
- No, no.
- Yes.
- No, I'm calling a cab.
Come.
Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
No, you're crazy.
I'm gonna call a cab.
I promise you I wasn't gonna drive, I was gonna call a cab.
Ooh.
What? No, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna stay here.
- I'm gonna go.
- You've got to drink some water first.
Drink water.
Drink water.
Sit down.
Sit down.
I can't stay here.
Did you know I used to live here? Okay.
Jesus, that party was like the ninth circle of fucking hell.
So did that woman ever let you go? I had a great time.
Um, Tina got really drunk.
I couldn't let her drive.
I'm going to get her a pillow.