The Office (US) s05e05 Episode Script

You guys look amazing.
Stanley, I thought you hated halloween.
He wears it so he can sleep at his desk.
- Who are you? - Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.
- I like your shoes.
- Thank you.
- Will you help walk me to the fax? - Sure.
I got her, I got her, I can help you.
- You look amazing.
- Inappropriate.
Thank you.
- Who are you, Larry King? - Gordon Gekko.
- From the insurance commercials.
- Yeah Awesome.
Let's put a smile on that face.
Damn it, Creed! I've been up since 4:00! Sweet'stume, dude.
Who are you supposed to be? Cool.
You are a cat.
We were looking for kitten.
Give me one second.
Jim Halpert.
- Hey, New York.
Happy Halloween.
- Thanks.
My costume's getting a lot of attention.
So apparently no one dresses up for Halloween here.
I wish I had known that before I used grease paint for my moustache.
And I can't even take off my hat because then I'm Hitler.
Wanna see a magic trick? I'm gonna make a pencil disa Disappear.
Episode 5x05 "Employee Transfert" (1.
00) OK, I think we are set.
We have puzzles, string for cat's cradles.
Burned this last night.
A little road trip CD.
Puppets.
Look at all this stuff.
It's only 7 hours.
When corporate found out that we were dating, they decided they were gonna transfer Holly back to her old branch in Nashua, New Hampshire.
Michael's taking a personal day to move me up.
Road trip! Right? Breaker one-nine, copy Copy that, breaker.
Those Duke boys are at it again.
Do not touch my radio.
- Kidding.
- We're not doing anything.
It's been a weird week since we found out I had to transfer.
Michael wanted me to quit and get some job here in Scranton, I said "why don't you quit and get some job in Nashua?" He said "I asked you first.
" I said "first" at the same time he did.
And then I said "jinx.
" And then we never talked about it again, and haven't been back to the conversation, so All right, everybody, I am out of here.
- Jim, you are in charge.
- I'll walk you out.
You're quite a gentleman.
You can let people go a couple of min early if you want.
All right, we'll see.
No.
I'm off to New York.
My brother Pete from Boston and my brother Tom from New Jersey are taking Pam and I out for lunch to celebrate the engagement.
Or maybe to beat me up.
I can never tell with those two.
Good morning, temp.
Good morning.
Good morning, Dwight.
Thought I'd go casual today.
Good morning, everyone.
Good morning.
Hello.
How are you, Phyllis? That's funny.
Take that sweatshirt off! - Hey, buddy.
- Andy.
Remember when I jokingly yelled at you to take your sweatshirt off? Totally joking.
But you should know those colors are sacred.
Not that I care.
But if you're not a Cornell man.
- You probably shouldn't wear them.
- No, I get it.
I totally understand.
And I just want to assure you that I mean no disrespect.
You see, I'm applying.
Come on, you think you could get into Cornell? Well, if someone who barely out-sells Phyllis can get in, I should be fine.
- I'm sitting right here, Dwight.
- I meant that as a compliment to you.
As well as a slight to Andy.
Cornell is a good school.
And I want to better myself through higher education.
If it makes Andy angry, so be it.
I have to unpack this weekend, but maybe next weekend we go to the outlets! Mike, you driving every weekend? We're gonna switch back and forth, the driving.
Sometimes we'll just meet in the middle.
It'll be fun.
Wait a sec.
I love this song.
Life is a highway I wanna ride it all night long If you're going my way I wanna drive you all night long If you're going my way Hey there.
So, how do you think we're gonna do against Penn this year? Nathan Ford's arm looks pretty strong.
Well, he's had a pretty good season so far Stop saying "we.
" You did not go to Cornell.
You're just doing this to screw with me.
Not so.
Cornell is an excellent school.
Without its agricultural program, we probably wouldn't have cabbage.
At least not modern cabbage.
I know it's an excellent school, Dwight.
I went there.
My blood runs big red.
Someday we'll both get together in Comstock Hall and just laugh about all of this.
Hey, future baby sis! How are you, Tom? Nice to see you.
I asked Tom and Pete to come early so we could play a prank on Jim at lunch.
Pretty awesome, right? I think they're into the idea.
They're probably thinking, "that Pam Beesly, "she's the coolest sister-in-law on the planet.
"She's the best.
"The absolute best.
" OK, so, here's what I'm thinking.
I'm gonna say that before ceramics class I took off my ring.
And then when I changed back out of my smock, it wasn't in my pocket anymore, and I lost it.
That's perfect.
You know what'd be even more hilarious? Remember that thing we did when Jim was in high school with his girlfriend? That would be hilarious.
We should totally dog her about being an artist, - never making any money.
- That's awesome.
Like she basically has a hobby for a job.
So, not the ring, then? Not doing the ring, then.
I think this is better.
This is nice.
It's fun.
He hates it when we pick on his girlfriends.
They came up with that idea really fast.
- This trip is longer than I thought.
- Yeah, it did look shorter I was having a nightmare.
You were sleeping? - You were talking before.
- Was I? Really? - Was I saying anything interesting? - Not really.
All right, what's the scoop? How far? Four hours.
Almost halfway there.
- We're only halfway? - Halfway! You know what I want to do? I want to pull over and find a little bed and breakfast for when we meet in the middle.
Emphasis on the bed.
And the breakfast.
Next exit isn't for five miles.
Let's check there.
- Hey, guys.
- How are ya? Good to see you.
Nice to see you again, Pam.
Pam, I haven't seen you in so, so long.
All right.
So now we can sit and get comfortable.
There's nothing out here, man.
I don't know.
I just imagined a hotel right here.
A pool over here.
Little breakfast place With really good bacon.
Just Here we go.
Fourth time's a charm.
Life's like a road where you just One thing here and the next day back Sometimes you deal with it then you don't Sometimes you do what you want It's out there - Are you crying? - No.
- Allergies? - No.
- Did Darryl touch you? - What! No, Darryl did not touch me.
Can we just keep going, please? - What's the matter? - It's not gonna work.
- Sure it is.
- There's too much distance.
It's gonna work.
It'll be fine.
We've only been dating each other for a few weeks.
Listen to me.
- I like you so much.
- I like you too.
- And I've dated almost 4 women last - I've dated 4 guys last year too.
No.
In like, the last 10 years.
I've dated almost 4 women.
And you are so far above them it is stupid.
Michael, don't.
Don't.
Don't make it harder than it has to be.
That's what she said.
Holly thinks that this relationship is over.
Well, you know what, I am not gonna give up that easy.
I'm going to make this way harder than it needs to be.
Take that down.
- Excuse me? - Take that down! I once dated a couple of guys from Cornell.
They were really nice, gave me a ride home.
I seriously doubt anyone from Cornell dated you.
It's pronounced "colonel.
" Highest rank in the military.
It's pronounced Cornell! It's the highest rank in the Ivy league.
Andy, let's just talk about this man to man - after work.
What do you say? - Fine.
Good.
- Good.
- Can we That's big red bear! That's a bobble big red bear! God! If you leave on friday by 5:00, you'll be rolling in at midnight at best.
And then sleep in saturday.
That only leaves us less than 24 hours before you have to go back again.
I will talk to you on the bluetooth the entire trip.
So we're talking constantly all the way.
I'll tell you everything that I see.
Everything that I pass by.
Things that I witness on the road.
Maybe I'll see an accident one weekend.
How long could we keep that up? - Years.
- Years? Years of just a few hours every weekend? Here's my wish.
I want you to meet a great guy, and I want you to be happy.
- Thank you.
- My wish has come true, incidentally.
Because you've met me and you are happy.
Clever, Mike.
So Pam, how much money does an artist make after they leave art school? Not a lot of money in the arts, right? That's not really true.
There's a lot to do with an art degree, actually.
Maybe Pam should pay the check by drawing a picture on this napkin.
That's a little rude.
What's your deal? - Just having fun, Jimmy.
- Right, Pam? You know what, I think we're a great couple.
I think we're a classic couple.
I think we're like Romeo and Juliet.
I think we.
go together so well.
We're like peanut butter and jelly.
- Don't you think? - I do.
Then, don't do it.
Please don't do this.
Please don't do this.
What's up? I just thought I'd try you.
I'm thinking about that story where you ran into the girl you used to babysit.
- I don't know what I'm gonna do! - Please call me back.
- I'm not gonna be OK.
- You will.
No, I won't.
I'm not strong.
I'll go back to Jan, and I hate Jan.
Oh, god! - You might be interested - What? Andy, I've been meaning to ask you, which a cappella group should I join? The Harmoniacs or the Do-Re-Migos? Assuming you had the voice to be in any of them, it's irrelevant.
Because I called admissions, and it looks like I will be conducting your university interview.
- That's a conflict of interest.
- Yeah.
Big one.
So should I not let you in now, or do you want to do the interview, and then I won't let you in? - Interview.
- Excellent.
When the hourglass strikes 3:00, then in the room whence employees confer.
- What? - The conference room.
Who are your role models? If I had to put his chances into a percentage, I would say he has none-percent chance.
So Dane Cook.
Jack Bauer.
And Eli Whitney.
You're doing great.
Life is a highway I wanna ride it all night This is my niece, Vanessa.
She's a trumpeter.
- And look at her.
- Cute.
It must be really fun for you and Marcy.
She only knows how to play When the saints go marching in.
- I love that one.
- Yeah, but She doesn't think she's gonna be, like, a career musician, right? Here we go again.
What's your deal today? Just saying, how many famous trumpeters can you name, besides Louis Armstrong? - Miles Davis.
- One.
- Chet something.
- Half.
- The point is that there are jobs - Dizzy Gillespie.
Also good.
and hobbies.
I love baseball more than anything, but you don't see me trying to get on the Mets.
Pete, you couldn't make the Mets.
She's at Pratt.
You play JV baseball.
Will you lighten up a little bit? Just calling it like I see it.
I don't know if I'm going to make any money with art.
I mean, it's a very competitive field.
But I've a professor who says that I've a lot of promise.
And if I don't try now, I never will, so Guys, what is going on? We pranked you.
It was Pam's idea.
Pam was the mastermind.
Got you.
That was killer.
I was so close to blowing it.
Let's see how well you know your big red history.
Bring it.
Who was Cornell's 8th president? - Dale Raymond Corson.
- I'm sorry, that's incorrect.
Cornell's 7th president was, in fact, James A.
Perkins.
Comprehension skills sub-par.
Interviewing skills sub-par.
What are you writing? You can't even give Cornell your full attention.
On the contrary, I'm helping Cornell by evaluating their interviewers.
Nobody wants that to happen.
Well, when they get my evaluation, we'll see if they're interested.
Applicant is attempting to blackmail interviewer, showing low moral character.
Interviewer is threatening applicant with an arbitrary review process.
Applicant is wasting everyone's time with stupid and inane accusations.
Interviewer has suspect motives.
Applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid.
Interviewer has turned off applicant's interest in Cornell, and they are going to go to the vastly superior Dartmouth.
Ever heard of it? I think I have everything I need.
I think I have everything I need.
You will be hearing from the Cornell Application Department.
And you will not be pleased with the result.
And your affiliation with Cornell will end completely! will end completely.
That is all, sir.
You may go.
There's another dolly in the truck, Mike.
You could take more than a lamp.
For the record, I wanted to go another direction.
Which was way better.
Well, I'll be the judge of that.
What do you got? I lost my engagement ring in ceramics class.
Left it in my smock.
I had this whole thing where I go back to class, wrongly accuse another girl.
Look, I even used makeup to put a ring around my finger.
- You can hardly see, it's very subtle.
- That is good.
Thank you.
Truthfully, anything would have been better than that prank.
Text message from my brother.
"Pam cool.
Welcome to the family.
" How about at Thanksgiving we prank Tom about being bald? - This is the last of it.
- That's mine, actually.
- Maybe put it back in the truck.
- You're not staying? You know, I have some things I need to do this weekend.
I just remembered, so I'll just ride back with you.
- But you want me to put it back.
- I'll be down in just a second.
So I think I'm gonna go back with Darryl.
- Bye.
- OK, bye.
I know it's hard, Mike.
Break-ups hurt.
We didn't break up.
Looked like it.
Sometimes when I'm down like this, it helps to sing the blues.
That's a really pretty song.
No, no, check it out.
Look.
Wanna do that? That's when you hit me with what's getting you down.
No, wait, you You supposed to Never mind.
I thought I'd come in casual today.
Man, I'm hungry.
Anyone else feel like a beet? - Where did you get those? - What, these? Bernard Farms.
Best beets in the state.
I see what you are doing.
But I do not know where you are going with this.
You will.
As soon as you visit my new beet farm.
You're supposed to cook these, aren't you? Cornell.