The Sarah Jane Adventures s05e05 Episode Script
The Man Who Never Was: Part 1
'13 Bannerman Road is where th lives, 'and it's home to things imagination.
'There's an extra terrestrial the wall, 'her son, a genetically oy genius, 'a school girl investigator road, 'her adopted daughter her world 'and a whole universe of adventure rstep.
' Ready? Hi.
I'm Joseph Serf.
I'm here to introduce rom Serf Systems, the world's newest and best puter.
The 15th at 5pm.
in your diary.
The day the Serf Board arrives, begins.
Billions of dollars of research ent have gone into this compact evice.
Excuse me.
Did I say device? I mean a friend.
From the 15th, the question.
SQUEAKING How did we manage e Serf Board? Hello? SQUEAKING Hello? LIFT BELL RINGS Idiot.
SQUEALING SHE SCREAMS Do you want to see tomorrow, today? Morning, Sky! I think I've got ing he wants.
Oh, it doesn't matter, Mum, he says, up, it's straight to the fridge, got any bacon? Well let him starve.
When I went up were bare.
Are you all right, Sky? st a little nervous.
I'm meeting Luke face-to-face, not just on the screen.
Well, you couldn't tter brother.
Oh.
Right, yeah.
Not my room any more.
Luke, oh, welcome home.
Hi, Mum.
Hi, Clani! Clyde, Rani, Clani.
It's meant to be funny.
He can't keep away.
Luke, meet Sky in person.
Sky.
Hi.
Hi, Sky! You're taller than bcam.
Sorry, I just went in your room, It's the best room, ive here any more.
Hey, finally face-to-face.
It's the clash of the nerds.
test success.
Frankenbane's monster, human student, living off Pot Noodles, rising Loose Women.
Yeah, shut up.
pe we can be friends.
Of course we'll be friends.
I suppose we're sort of d sister.
Tea? I had to leave K9 back at Uni.
I made this.
A dog whistle.
Cos you never know.
What's he doing up there? ry.
The whole lot! He wouldn't come '.
.
ness me, what a terrible shame.
' Oi, Mr Smith, don't be nasty.
We could always swap you for another I hardly think good exchange.
Well, it's the launch on, at five! 'Affordable device.
' Excuse me.
Did I say device? And nobody knows what it does The rumours say everything! There's a rehearsal of the launch .
Just three of the country's very been invited.
Do you know any of them? n? Ahem.
I said just the top been invited.
Yeah, so what if we swap a ticket? I mean me! Me! What d'you think pays for all this, ? Sorry, I just didn't think it Yeah, almost good enough, Rani.
Who said you're going to miss it? at.
I'm not going to miss it, either! , Sky.
Oh, I'm sorry, l I could manage.
I shouldn't really be taking y unprofessional.
That's so unfair! Basically, we blab anything before the actual release But what if I disagree and conditions? They're fine, just sign it.
Believe me, if he says they're fine, Whatever you say.
Sarah Jane Smith! Let me drink you in! Luke, Sky, Lionel Carson.
friend.
I could have been so much more! Now I am a ruin.
on! Lionel was my editor when the nationals.
He moved on to food and wine.
So why are you covering ? I pulled rank.
To impress my grandchildren.
I leave the technical stuff I can't abide computers.
Nothing wrong er, says I.
What's a typewriter? Goodness me! Make me feel even more old-fashioned, You were old-fashioned new-fangled.
My son and my daughter.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Good gentlemen! I'm John Harrison, Serf Systems ons.
The rehearsal is about to begin.
ollow me up.
Well, that's us.
Would you care in memory of what might have been? Oh, go on, then.
BUZZING Luke, can you feel that? Electricitybuilding up.
ong.
Probably just a storm on the way.
No, this feels different, strange.
'And then I shall say' Please say hi to Joseph Serf! And cue Mr Serf.
Wow.
Not half bad in the flesh.
He's like you, Sarah Jane, Thank you, Johnny.
pleased to meet you.
And then I'll do this.
Whoa, who's that beautiful guy? Yes, very good, sir, ous.
You stand there, sir, and your camera three.
Is the teleprompt t position, sir? Yeah, looking good to me.
And then straight into the spiel? iel, sir.
The Serf Board will revolutionise ay we play.
Every home should have one.
ill have one.
Perfect, sir.
And then the attendees will each d, like so.
The Serf Board.
Take it home, nd learn.
It's a phenomenon.
And you're going to love it.
Why wait is my motto.
Download, browse, photos, books You're going to love it.
It's the future, it's tomorrow and you love it.
You want one, you need one, ts one, everybody's got to get one.
(Did you see that? (But that's impossible!) Um, excuse me, can we have hush, please? But, Sarah Jane, he But you did see that? It's tomorrow and you love it.
It's so easy to use! evolution! it must be good to impress you.
I never saw the point of computers, this is so easy to use.
h! Bye.
Ah, look what you've got.
urrah for Mum? Something weird happened in there.
about? Just for a moment, he flickered.
Right, back home.
check this out.
What if I stay, tches? There could be other people Good idea.
Where shall we start? Oh, no.
Luke is old enough himself.
And I'm not? No, you're not.
Sorry.
You be careful! Come on, Sky, home.
Right! Let's have a look at you, No, Clyde, wait.
We should check it out first.
Only Luke and me saw it happen.
Well, Luke's got superior senses, and Sky's sensitive to electrical er tiny.
Mr Smith, the digital database.
The rehearsal was recorded, so somebody at Serf must have sent a copy.
That may take some arah Jane.
Here you are.
Hey, you're doing that It was when Serf was saying a Serf Board.
You want one, you need one, ts one, everybody's got to get one.
Freeze itbetween frame 4:34:21 There's nothing there.
it.
Roll back a tenth of a frame, .
Time flexing applied.
That's impossible! That's not the recording, him! The rest of the picture didn't move.
ling you.
I'm getting just a bit suspicious.
e A word.
What A word? Mr Smith, give us everything you've t is he? Joseph Samuel Serf, th May 1972.
Graduated Harvard 1993, founded Serf Systems, then completely after a near-fatal skiing accident Following this, y reclusive.
No interviews or pictures.
The only images available after this Look.
In all these photographs, anything.
He never touches anybody.
No, no, more than that.
He walks, h people.
He's amazing! This technology, tic! But he sits down.
He gets It's like a photo.
You can fold it up, Aye-aye, who's that guy that's him, who's he? John Harrison, PR for Serf Systems.
The skiing accident.
The real Serf, he died .
He was replaced.
And shortly afterwards, velopment Ah, wait.
Lionel.
He hates computers.
The moment he aved about it! This Serf Board, what if it's ? They've replaced Serf, y.
But why? What's this all for? And today's the launch.
n every home? You can count me out.
Mr Smith.
full spectrum analysis.
Let's see what Luke finds out.
And while we wait I want an interview with Mr Serf.
But he doesn't do interviews, ever.
Rani.
Mr Serf does not give interviews, 'Oh, but the Serf Board, amazing!' I have to do follow-up with Mr Serf! You're invited to the launch.
Oh, if I could just speak erf, to tell him there are no glitches.
Go on, Miss Smith.
Oh, well, Mr Serf warm, so real, so natural, and I'm sure my readers know such a genuine human being.
Well, that's different, Miss Smith.
ver.
Marvellous.
I'll see you soon! One of the country's top Wow, Sarah Jane.
Just wow!at a bit dangerous, y know you know! Oh, I know they know I know.
y to get in.
And they know you know you know.
Sometimes that's the best way.
I need to bring them out into hey're planning.
And you need me.
I saw the glitch, ing else.
What, another family outing? ou wait here.
Find out what Mr Smith ome on, Let's go! What's up? It's daft.
ike it's watching us.
How goes the spying? I checked the car park, got a coffee, but nothing.
No more glitching, nothing weird.
It's time for your interview.
OK.
Meet you both back here hour.
Miss Smith! I hear you're a fan of I certainly am, Mr Serf! Call me Sarah Jane.
Joseph.
I'm sorry, I can't shake your hand.
not? Mr Serf suffers te peanut allergy.
I haven't been eating nuts.
But you might have been in a nutty I can't be too careful.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
convenient Sorry, of course I mean nient.
Does Mr Harrison need to be here, Actually, I'd prefer to stay.
After all, I'd hate there to be hes.
Oh, with you around, Mr Harrison, I'm sure everything ke clockwork.
Oh, yes.
I pride myself I can deal ners that get into those works.
Hm.
Before we start, could I get 'm parched.
Certainly, Miss Smith.
Tea? Coffee? What was that? No, I'll just have water, please.
Nice, clear water, ee right through.
Coming right up.
Wouldn't you like some? t in here.
I'm fine, thank you.
Now, he Serf Board.
Yes, let's.
Deep scan complete.
Tell us the worst.
The Serf Board is a standard ter.
And? But it can't be! The hologram, the big launch Hold on.
(Right.
What ifit's got at him?) I can hear you, Clyde.
e.
It's not the first time ething was OK Do you remember the Rakweed? We wait for the others to get back.
ch time! How will you feel yone's walking down Bannerman Road with their arms mputer"? Clyde, no!on, the clock's ticking.
Let's just switch it on, see what OK.
But we do it my way.
We take precautions.
The implications communications Oohbutterfingers! Would you mind Joseph? Oh, please, Miss Smith, do use mine.
An electrical surge? No, it feels strange.
down below.
We'll tell Mum when she gets back.
Let's take a look.
Come on, it's what you always do.
Not a chance.
Going down! How's the liking each other thing I'll let you know.
Hey, it was my idea! Well, I'm delicate, manly way.
I've got artists' fingers! Just like the old days.
h.
Yeah.
I meant to say, with Ellie It's OK.
Right, let's do this! STRANGE HOWLING OK, I can't sense the electrical Coming from further down.
Unless there's an override command.
Knew it! There's nothing.
Really, nothing.
I'm going to take these off.
In fact, it's more than Bog standard.
What's so special about this? So it's not the Board itself.
It looks cool, that's all.
What did I tell you? Then what is going on? Down here! STRANGE NOISES CONTINUE SCARY GROWLING Whatever it is, it's through there.
'But Mr Serf, the functionality That's Mum! 'I mean, volutionised the concept.
'Our dedicated team of specialists 'the functionality r one priority.
' Well, you must have ed, Joseph, when you got your hands or the first time.
I mean, to see your dreams id reality.
I'd love to tell my readers how that nt of view.
I always had faith THEY SQUEAK Keep up! .
.
the ideas man.
Well, can be so intangible.
Oh, dear.
What am I saying? That's OK, Miss Smith.
Smile! Joseph, are you all right? Keep up, keep up! Keep up, keep up! We all say thongs we don't moan.
Spelling, spelling! Forgove methings we don't mean.
Keep shadow in sync, Thoughtful smile, not sexy smile! It's incredible! They're controlling him! Everything What else do you want to know? Oooh.
I'm.
.
! A spillage! Emergency stand! Steady on thumb.
And one, two, three andup! Crease fabric, crease fabric! I'm so sorry.
What a clumsy clot you are, th.
One of our country's most ournalists is, apparently, veable scatterbrain.
Well, Miss Moth.
Miss Smith.
do you want to know? I hope I can stop yself, for a start.
Hypno to ten.
Hypno-power to ten, hypno-power to Mum You love the Serf Board, Sarah Jane.
It's the most amazing computer seen.
Stronger hypno, stronger hypno.
And I am the most amazing man seen.
Yes, yes.
You're such a handsome man, Mr Serf.
But I'm an old hand at hypnotism.
And when it comes to men, I actually prefer something of! Gotcha! Failure! Light sculpture failed! Failed! Stand down, await orders! This is alien technology! And it's pretty erratic.
Alien technology? You mean, something that's not made this? One false move, Miss Smith, dead.
Mum, no! Intruders! You! Please, let her go, she's my sister.
You YOU YOU!!! Sky, get out of there! g to kill us.
We're in! Trevor and Janet Shah.
Escaped? Then find her! The cavalry's coming and the missus.
This time you are working lives.
We've got to work Serf.
No!
'There's an extra terrestrial the wall, 'her son, a genetically oy genius, 'a school girl investigator road, 'her adopted daughter her world 'and a whole universe of adventure rstep.
' Ready? Hi.
I'm Joseph Serf.
I'm here to introduce rom Serf Systems, the world's newest and best puter.
The 15th at 5pm.
in your diary.
The day the Serf Board arrives, begins.
Billions of dollars of research ent have gone into this compact evice.
Excuse me.
Did I say device? I mean a friend.
From the 15th, the question.
SQUEAKING How did we manage e Serf Board? Hello? SQUEAKING Hello? LIFT BELL RINGS Idiot.
SQUEALING SHE SCREAMS Do you want to see tomorrow, today? Morning, Sky! I think I've got ing he wants.
Oh, it doesn't matter, Mum, he says, up, it's straight to the fridge, got any bacon? Well let him starve.
When I went up were bare.
Are you all right, Sky? st a little nervous.
I'm meeting Luke face-to-face, not just on the screen.
Well, you couldn't tter brother.
Oh.
Right, yeah.
Not my room any more.
Luke, oh, welcome home.
Hi, Mum.
Hi, Clani! Clyde, Rani, Clani.
It's meant to be funny.
He can't keep away.
Luke, meet Sky in person.
Sky.
Hi.
Hi, Sky! You're taller than bcam.
Sorry, I just went in your room, It's the best room, ive here any more.
Hey, finally face-to-face.
It's the clash of the nerds.
test success.
Frankenbane's monster, human student, living off Pot Noodles, rising Loose Women.
Yeah, shut up.
pe we can be friends.
Of course we'll be friends.
I suppose we're sort of d sister.
Tea? I had to leave K9 back at Uni.
I made this.
A dog whistle.
Cos you never know.
What's he doing up there? ry.
The whole lot! He wouldn't come '.
.
ness me, what a terrible shame.
' Oi, Mr Smith, don't be nasty.
We could always swap you for another I hardly think good exchange.
Well, it's the launch on, at five! 'Affordable device.
' Excuse me.
Did I say device? And nobody knows what it does The rumours say everything! There's a rehearsal of the launch .
Just three of the country's very been invited.
Do you know any of them? n? Ahem.
I said just the top been invited.
Yeah, so what if we swap a ticket? I mean me! Me! What d'you think pays for all this, ? Sorry, I just didn't think it Yeah, almost good enough, Rani.
Who said you're going to miss it? at.
I'm not going to miss it, either! , Sky.
Oh, I'm sorry, l I could manage.
I shouldn't really be taking y unprofessional.
That's so unfair! Basically, we blab anything before the actual release But what if I disagree and conditions? They're fine, just sign it.
Believe me, if he says they're fine, Whatever you say.
Sarah Jane Smith! Let me drink you in! Luke, Sky, Lionel Carson.
friend.
I could have been so much more! Now I am a ruin.
on! Lionel was my editor when the nationals.
He moved on to food and wine.
So why are you covering ? I pulled rank.
To impress my grandchildren.
I leave the technical stuff I can't abide computers.
Nothing wrong er, says I.
What's a typewriter? Goodness me! Make me feel even more old-fashioned, You were old-fashioned new-fangled.
My son and my daughter.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Good gentlemen! I'm John Harrison, Serf Systems ons.
The rehearsal is about to begin.
ollow me up.
Well, that's us.
Would you care in memory of what might have been? Oh, go on, then.
BUZZING Luke, can you feel that? Electricitybuilding up.
ong.
Probably just a storm on the way.
No, this feels different, strange.
'And then I shall say' Please say hi to Joseph Serf! And cue Mr Serf.
Wow.
Not half bad in the flesh.
He's like you, Sarah Jane, Thank you, Johnny.
pleased to meet you.
And then I'll do this.
Whoa, who's that beautiful guy? Yes, very good, sir, ous.
You stand there, sir, and your camera three.
Is the teleprompt t position, sir? Yeah, looking good to me.
And then straight into the spiel? iel, sir.
The Serf Board will revolutionise ay we play.
Every home should have one.
ill have one.
Perfect, sir.
And then the attendees will each d, like so.
The Serf Board.
Take it home, nd learn.
It's a phenomenon.
And you're going to love it.
Why wait is my motto.
Download, browse, photos, books You're going to love it.
It's the future, it's tomorrow and you love it.
You want one, you need one, ts one, everybody's got to get one.
(Did you see that? (But that's impossible!) Um, excuse me, can we have hush, please? But, Sarah Jane, he But you did see that? It's tomorrow and you love it.
It's so easy to use! evolution! it must be good to impress you.
I never saw the point of computers, this is so easy to use.
h! Bye.
Ah, look what you've got.
urrah for Mum? Something weird happened in there.
about? Just for a moment, he flickered.
Right, back home.
check this out.
What if I stay, tches? There could be other people Good idea.
Where shall we start? Oh, no.
Luke is old enough himself.
And I'm not? No, you're not.
Sorry.
You be careful! Come on, Sky, home.
Right! Let's have a look at you, No, Clyde, wait.
We should check it out first.
Only Luke and me saw it happen.
Well, Luke's got superior senses, and Sky's sensitive to electrical er tiny.
Mr Smith, the digital database.
The rehearsal was recorded, so somebody at Serf must have sent a copy.
That may take some arah Jane.
Here you are.
Hey, you're doing that It was when Serf was saying a Serf Board.
You want one, you need one, ts one, everybody's got to get one.
Freeze itbetween frame 4:34:21 There's nothing there.
it.
Roll back a tenth of a frame, .
Time flexing applied.
That's impossible! That's not the recording, him! The rest of the picture didn't move.
ling you.
I'm getting just a bit suspicious.
e A word.
What A word? Mr Smith, give us everything you've t is he? Joseph Samuel Serf, th May 1972.
Graduated Harvard 1993, founded Serf Systems, then completely after a near-fatal skiing accident Following this, y reclusive.
No interviews or pictures.
The only images available after this Look.
In all these photographs, anything.
He never touches anybody.
No, no, more than that.
He walks, h people.
He's amazing! This technology, tic! But he sits down.
He gets It's like a photo.
You can fold it up, Aye-aye, who's that guy that's him, who's he? John Harrison, PR for Serf Systems.
The skiing accident.
The real Serf, he died .
He was replaced.
And shortly afterwards, velopment Ah, wait.
Lionel.
He hates computers.
The moment he aved about it! This Serf Board, what if it's ? They've replaced Serf, y.
But why? What's this all for? And today's the launch.
n every home? You can count me out.
Mr Smith.
full spectrum analysis.
Let's see what Luke finds out.
And while we wait I want an interview with Mr Serf.
But he doesn't do interviews, ever.
Rani.
Mr Serf does not give interviews, 'Oh, but the Serf Board, amazing!' I have to do follow-up with Mr Serf! You're invited to the launch.
Oh, if I could just speak erf, to tell him there are no glitches.
Go on, Miss Smith.
Oh, well, Mr Serf warm, so real, so natural, and I'm sure my readers know such a genuine human being.
Well, that's different, Miss Smith.
ver.
Marvellous.
I'll see you soon! One of the country's top Wow, Sarah Jane.
Just wow!at a bit dangerous, y know you know! Oh, I know they know I know.
y to get in.
And they know you know you know.
Sometimes that's the best way.
I need to bring them out into hey're planning.
And you need me.
I saw the glitch, ing else.
What, another family outing? ou wait here.
Find out what Mr Smith ome on, Let's go! What's up? It's daft.
ike it's watching us.
How goes the spying? I checked the car park, got a coffee, but nothing.
No more glitching, nothing weird.
It's time for your interview.
OK.
Meet you both back here hour.
Miss Smith! I hear you're a fan of I certainly am, Mr Serf! Call me Sarah Jane.
Joseph.
I'm sorry, I can't shake your hand.
not? Mr Serf suffers te peanut allergy.
I haven't been eating nuts.
But you might have been in a nutty I can't be too careful.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
convenient Sorry, of course I mean nient.
Does Mr Harrison need to be here, Actually, I'd prefer to stay.
After all, I'd hate there to be hes.
Oh, with you around, Mr Harrison, I'm sure everything ke clockwork.
Oh, yes.
I pride myself I can deal ners that get into those works.
Hm.
Before we start, could I get 'm parched.
Certainly, Miss Smith.
Tea? Coffee? What was that? No, I'll just have water, please.
Nice, clear water, ee right through.
Coming right up.
Wouldn't you like some? t in here.
I'm fine, thank you.
Now, he Serf Board.
Yes, let's.
Deep scan complete.
Tell us the worst.
The Serf Board is a standard ter.
And? But it can't be! The hologram, the big launch Hold on.
(Right.
What ifit's got at him?) I can hear you, Clyde.
e.
It's not the first time ething was OK Do you remember the Rakweed? We wait for the others to get back.
ch time! How will you feel yone's walking down Bannerman Road with their arms mputer"? Clyde, no!on, the clock's ticking.
Let's just switch it on, see what OK.
But we do it my way.
We take precautions.
The implications communications Oohbutterfingers! Would you mind Joseph? Oh, please, Miss Smith, do use mine.
An electrical surge? No, it feels strange.
down below.
We'll tell Mum when she gets back.
Let's take a look.
Come on, it's what you always do.
Not a chance.
Going down! How's the liking each other thing I'll let you know.
Hey, it was my idea! Well, I'm delicate, manly way.
I've got artists' fingers! Just like the old days.
h.
Yeah.
I meant to say, with Ellie It's OK.
Right, let's do this! STRANGE HOWLING OK, I can't sense the electrical Coming from further down.
Unless there's an override command.
Knew it! There's nothing.
Really, nothing.
I'm going to take these off.
In fact, it's more than Bog standard.
What's so special about this? So it's not the Board itself.
It looks cool, that's all.
What did I tell you? Then what is going on? Down here! STRANGE NOISES CONTINUE SCARY GROWLING Whatever it is, it's through there.
'But Mr Serf, the functionality That's Mum! 'I mean, volutionised the concept.
'Our dedicated team of specialists 'the functionality r one priority.
' Well, you must have ed, Joseph, when you got your hands or the first time.
I mean, to see your dreams id reality.
I'd love to tell my readers how that nt of view.
I always had faith THEY SQUEAK Keep up! .
.
the ideas man.
Well, can be so intangible.
Oh, dear.
What am I saying? That's OK, Miss Smith.
Smile! Joseph, are you all right? Keep up, keep up! Keep up, keep up! We all say thongs we don't moan.
Spelling, spelling! Forgove methings we don't mean.
Keep shadow in sync, Thoughtful smile, not sexy smile! It's incredible! They're controlling him! Everything What else do you want to know? Oooh.
I'm.
.
! A spillage! Emergency stand! Steady on thumb.
And one, two, three andup! Crease fabric, crease fabric! I'm so sorry.
What a clumsy clot you are, th.
One of our country's most ournalists is, apparently, veable scatterbrain.
Well, Miss Moth.
Miss Smith.
do you want to know? I hope I can stop yself, for a start.
Hypno to ten.
Hypno-power to ten, hypno-power to Mum You love the Serf Board, Sarah Jane.
It's the most amazing computer seen.
Stronger hypno, stronger hypno.
And I am the most amazing man seen.
Yes, yes.
You're such a handsome man, Mr Serf.
But I'm an old hand at hypnotism.
And when it comes to men, I actually prefer something of! Gotcha! Failure! Light sculpture failed! Failed! Stand down, await orders! This is alien technology! And it's pretty erratic.
Alien technology? You mean, something that's not made this? One false move, Miss Smith, dead.
Mum, no! Intruders! You! Please, let her go, she's my sister.
You YOU YOU!!! Sky, get out of there! g to kill us.
We're in! Trevor and Janet Shah.
Escaped? Then find her! The cavalry's coming and the missus.
This time you are working lives.
We've got to work Serf.
No!