Being Human (UK) s05e06 Episode Script

I'm the Devil.
When the time is right, I will rise.
NO! Everything you love will die.
Everything you're scared of will come true.
And he ceased the dragon, that ancient serpent who is the Devil and Satan, and bound him for a thousand years.
And when the thousand years are ended, Satan will be released from his prison and he will come out to deceive the nations that are at the four corners of the Earth, to gather them for battle.
Oh, I've waited so long for this.
OK.
OK, so I can't Rentaghost out.
Why can't I Rentaghost out? What's he done to me, the bastard?! OK.
Don't panic.
Wait a sec.
Can I walk through walls? Can I do that? Am I basically one of the X-Men? Argh! That'll be a no, then.
Think.
And be calm.
Just rest your hand on that roof.
Easy-peasy, summer-breezy, OK.
Is there a torch on this COCKING TOUCHSCREEN?! Oh, that's it.
Ah.
Ah.
OK.
OK, let's do this.
Oh, yes, sweet as! Ha! Ha! I'm a bloody X-Man.
Oh! We are nailing this.
I'm sorry.
I'll see you.
OK, Hatch.
OK, you bastard, I'm coming for you! You, my friends, have been given evolution's winning lottery ticket.
You've been upgraded.
But we aren't the only inhabitants of this secret world, and there are those who envy our splendour Werewolves.
I shall now pause for giggles.
Well, well, well.
I bet someone's ears were burning.
Who are you? Do you want a glass of water? Nah, I'm good.
Who are you? Good Hal, Bad Hal? I need to hear you say it.
Your friend is dead.
What happened to him? Just my turn.
Now I see you.
We wake up in the world the other has created around them.
So you woke up and killed Natasha? Oh, God, this again? Look, don't get me wrong, I've killed entire phonebooks of people, but in this instance, she killed herself.
And why would she do that, then? I've absolutely no idea It was always going to end like this, wasn't it? Your Hal put up a good fight, to be fair.
He loved you both very much.
Nah.
He thought I was stupid.
Quite the opposite.
But I do.
I think you're a beast of the field.
Night follows day and I follow him.
I wouldn't overanalyse it.
He was kind and clever and odd, and now he's gone! There's just you! Does that not bother you at all?! Not really.
He exhausts me.
A mask of civility is always the hardest to maintain.
But I don't need to tell you that.
Shall we do this, then? Let's.
Agh! Argh! Agh! God, you're predictable.
OK, ladies.
We need to talk.
Blimey, my throat.
I need a Strepsil.
Some of them put up quite a fight, like they knew what I was going to do to them, and wanted to hang on to what they were.
Captain Hatch? I've never understood why you lot are so proud of being human.
A monkey falls out of a tree and invents the digital watch.
That's basically it, isn't it? You're standing up? Of course! Haven't you heard? He will rise.
What are you? Some kind of Type 2? I've had loads of names over the years.
Azazel, Old Nick, Old Scratch, Voland, The Stranger.
I'm sure you've been poking around ghosts and ghouls long enough to have heard one of them.
I don't believe you.
I'd do a trick for you, I'd turn water into wine, but it's been copyrighted.
Tell me a secret.
Something you've never even said out loud before.
My father beat me.
When he died, his body was laid in a coffin in our front room.
The night before the funeral, I crept downstairs and pissed on him.
Now, now.
You created the sound and fury that brought me back.
We made such a great team, I have one last favour to ask you.
Why do you keep on saving him?! He killed Natasha! How many times? She killed herself.
I hate to say it, but he's right.
Her ghost told me.
She was sent here to break us up.
It's Rook's latest attempt at saving his department.
Did she mention why she? Because Captain Hatch told her to.
What? The old bloke in the wheelchair? Except he isn't an old bloke in a wheelchair.
He's the Devil.
We've been played.
My God, we've been played! He wants to start another war! What are you talking about? The Devil feeds off the conflict between werewolves and vampires.
Last century, he incited a full-scale war between us.
In the end, we performed a ritual to cut off his power supply and confine him to his current body.
But it looks like he's made a comeback.
Why does vampires and werewolves fighting give the Devil power? And why does doing a ritual defeat him? Our conditions come from him, so his curses have to be united against him.
The ritual must be performed by a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost.
So we just do the ritual again.
There's a catch.
What? No, it's fine, I should be able to remember all the gubbins.
It was nearly 100 years ago, though.
Why should we trust you? Because the apocalypse is bad news for everyone.
But trust is a curious thing, isn't it, Alex? Your friend was struggling to defy something, the power of which you will never understand.
But you let others manipulate your friendship and erode your trust.
This has got nothing to do with us.
You have got nothing to do with us.
You know what? I really don't have time to listen to this bullshit.
You need to see what's happening outside.
I need to do something first.
You must have missed his heart.
I should put him out of his misery.
Kinder, in the long run.
Two minutes, all right? OK.
Shit's getting real out there.
It's OK, don't panic.
I'm here to help.
Shh Brilliant.
Cheers.
Um, now, then, bit of a confession.
I'm not going to help you.
I just have this thing about witnesses, you know, blah-dee-blah.
Agh! OK, but, look, thanks for the blood and everything.
Erm, you won't be forgotten guy in denim shirt.
Do you think we can trust him to help us with this ritual thing? We don't have much choice, he's the only one that knows what to do.
And what do we do with him afterwards? I suggest we head back to the hotel.
That's the last place any of us saw Hatch.
Well In your own time.
What's going on? Like I said, shit just got real.
So what's he done to them? See how the bodies are positioned, how the blood has exploded outwards? They jumped from the rooftops.
How did he make Natasha kill herself? She just said that he whispered in her ear.
Is that how he does it? He just whispers in their ears and makes them kill themselves? He can't whisper to everybody in the whole world.
But how's he suddenly got the power to do this now? It must have been the proximity.
He had a vampire and a werewolf squabbling under his nose.
It must have been enough to give him a foothold.
Wait, was this caused by that bloody Employee of the Month competition? I knew it! Those things always lead to shit like this! Clearly, Mr Rook did all he could to exacerbate the situation too.
In fact My God Speak of the Devil.
Let me get this straight Mass hysteria.
Suicides.
Resurrecting the anti-Christ.
All to safeguard your pension? You can't be allowed to simply run free.
You need regulation, society needs men like me to protect them! Yeah, and how's that working out for you? And how's that working out for you? It was the greater good, don't you understand? A handful of deaths to stop 10,000.
Tom, say, "I refer you to my earlier statement," and then gesture around.
I refer you What? Do you have you any idea of the horror you've unleashed? I do.
He came to see me.
What, Hatch did? What did he want? The Emergency Broadcast Codes.
In the event of a national emergency, the Government can seize control of all television and radio broadcasts.
My department has them, in case one of your tribes ever attempts a coup.
What is it? What's wrong? What was it you said, he can't whisper to the whole world? I think he just found a way.
'Witnesses say that chaos began earlier this morning, 'when the first spate of suicides occurred.
'The deaths swept across the Welsh capital and its surrounding areas, 'causing disruption to all parts of the community.
'Police are investigating the situation, 'but have declined to comment at this time.
'It's thought the death toll began on Barry Island, 'in the Vale of Glamorgan, 'but the fatalities were soon reported in Cardiff city centre' Get in! '.
.
Scenes of devastation have caused hysterics and confusion.
' Ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls I'm sorry to interrupt your evening's viewing, but we need to talk.
I have something to tell you.
But first, there's a couple of things I'd like to get off my chest.
You see, ever since you crawled out from the primordial soup and flopped onto the beach, I thought I was the one holding you back.
Distracting you, with shiny stuff and gunpowder.
And then I was put on the reserves bench, shall we say? And I thought, "Oh, well, that's that.
"Without me whispering in their ears, they'll build utopia!" Well, dearie me, I got that wrong.
He made you so he could retire, did you know that? You were meant to be the pinnacle of evolution.
A creature so sophisticated and powerful, you wouldn't need him.
And he could go back to his gardening and his wordsearch puzzles.
But what do you do? You elect leaders that despise you, and rob you of your freedom and dignity.
You pollute and devour your Eden.
You know beauty to be false, but you prostrate yourselves before it.
You think to be a philistine is honest, to be educated is cunning.
You find the lowest common denominator and then you dig deeper.
I was supposed to be the lesson.
I was the warning.
I was the villain.
And you all became my tribute act.
There is nothing I can do.
Nothing, in all the palaces of the imagination, worse than what you do to each other.
You dragged the world to the brink of the abyss Well done! And now I'm just going to give it that final nudge.
Hal, don't! They're still human! We're going to take a little break, but join us when we come back, for that very special message.
One hundred years, trapped in this broken body.
One hundred years of aching bones and skin like dust, and getting up five times in the night to pee.
And you know what kept me going? Knowing I'd see you again and pull out your hearts.
And then, one day, you stroll into the hotel with a werewolf.
Talk about a "get-out-of-jail" card! All I needed to do was pour a little pestilence into your ears, and here we are.
We're united now.
You can't use the power of us fighting any more.
United? Really? Because I'm getting resentment, fury, hints of heartbreak.
It doesn't matter.
We won't let you win.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll see Oh, hello.
You found your way back, then? I wouldn't want miss a bullshit Super-Villain speech from one of the cast of Cocoon! Why are you here? What are you going to do? Well, I'll talk you through it, but I'm on a bit of a tight schedule.
I'm going to carve the world into four kingdoms.
Here, the North will be Kingdom of the Dead.
And the East, Russia and Asia, the Kingdom of Disease.
In the South, Africa, the Kingdom of Famine.
And in the West, the Americas, the Kingdom of War.
Can anyone see where this is going? No? Does nobody go to Sunday School any more? It's basically a Four-Horsemen-of-the-Apocalypse thing, but I'm doing it on my own.
Cutbacks.
Crikey, look at the time.
Slit the young fella's throat, if they try to stop me.
Hatch! Blood of the wolf.
Blood of the vampire.
Ring any bells? Do they know what this means? We do.
Yeah What does it mean? Oh, Hal.
Didn't you read them the small print? Nobody gets out of this alive.
Not even you, dear.
The ritual kills all participants.
We skip off into oblivion together, hand in hand.
It's true.
But we don't care, do we, chaps? I'm up for it, if you are.
Let's roll.
Drink it.
Erm, I can't.
Trust me.
Any last requests? Actually, forget it, I don't give a shit.
Oh, dear.
Bang Where are we? You tell me.
Belarus.
The Battle of Orsha.
This is where I became a vampire.
What happened? The army surgeon was a vampire already, he recruited me.
Is that him? I've been watching him for quite a while.
I don't feel Something's wrong.
Well, someone stuck a lance in your tummy, it's bound to make you feel a bit out of sorts.
No, something else.
Something's missing.
Oh.
I wonder what that Oh, hang on.
Yes, of course! The surgeon hasn't found you yet.
You're still human, Hal.
So where's this? It's my holiday.
I'm back on holiday.
This is where I was staying with my dad and my brothers.
Oh, my God, and that's their clothes.
Must be more to it than that, more to it than just a holiday, or else we wouldn't be here.
Yeah.
Tonight's when I die.
You were a tough one.
I couldn't take you back to when you became a werewolf because you were just a baby, you wouldn't know what I was talking about.
So I'm giving you this.
My home? Where we already live? You're missing the important bit.
And it's right under your nose.
Or not.
Let me give you a clue.
Who isn't here? Hal and Alex? No.
Someone else.
The Wolf.
It's gone.
I'm making you an offer.
Say no to his nibs over there, stay human, live your life.
None of this is real.
How do you know?! I'm the bloody Devil! How do you know I can't travel through time?! I can't stay here.
Without me to stop you, you'll tear everything apart.
About 450 years after you've died of old age! I can't stay here, I remember everything! Five centuries of life and progress.
Yes, well, I'd keep quiet about all that, if I was you.
Start bashing on about hovercrafts and off-peak gym membership, they'll lock you up.
What about Tom and Alex? I'm talking to them too.
I'm not omnipresent, but I can multi-task.
Oh, hello.
Is he with you? Is it real? You're feeling things, aren't you? Temperatures, hunger.
Just think what else you could experience.
Love.
A career.
Sex.
Babies.
No.
No, I have to be dead, to stop Mr Snow and the vampires from taking over the world.
And then a few months later, you come along.
Not in this world.
This world's as safe as houses.
But my world, what happens to that? Now, now.
Don't be greedy.
You get this world, I get that.
Oh, and you get him.
Dad! Is there an ashtray in here? Is it a dream? Bit of a grey area, that.
Call it an alternative.
Just think.
A life without the Wolf.
In return? Nothing.
Literally nothing.
You do nothing.
You just stay here.
What about you? Well, don't worry about me.
I'll be out of the picture, leave you two in peace.
Well, technically, three.
What do you mean? I've got it! Henri for a boy and Amy for a girl.
What do you think? Leo.
My God, Leo I've missed you.
Do you remember when we first met? What? I got off the train from Southampton.
I'd never seen so many people.
In my pocket, I had the letter saying I had a job on the London Underground.
You rushed through the crowd.
You shook my hand, and very quietly, you said you were part of a welcoming committee for supernatural brethren.
Leo, please Why did you want me? To fight.
For dog fights.
Felix Hart.
Leonard Price.
Albert Perry.
Fred Saunders.
Johnny White.
Do you know who they are? Why are you doing this? They're all the people I killed.
By the time I died, I couldn't remember what I had for dinner the night before, but I never forgot those five names.
If you resist him and die here in this forest, or die of old age in 50 years, how many lives will that save? Because it's not just your victims, is it? Without you, I would probably have slipped through that crowd, worked hard, saved, opened my shop, fallen in love, had a family and not killed five people! I couldn't have saved you any earlier.
I wasn't I wasn't me, I was another man entirely.
So save me now.
But Henri spelt H-E-N-R-I.
After Henri Giffard, who invented the steam injector and the powered airship.
And Amy after Amy Johnson, the female aviator.
Or do you think they're too much to live up to? What's wrong? You're awfully pale.
You're pregnant.
And you're Allison.
Oh, dear.
I know what this is.
Delayed shock.
Happened to my father.
The day Mum entered the third trimester, Dad climbed up on top of the garden shed and ate a whole tin of Quality Street.
Strong sweet tea is what you need! Come on, soldier.
It's all right? You've had it checked, the baby? You Noggin! You came to the 12-week scan, don't you remember? You cried when you saw its little feet.
And then I cried.
And then the scanner lady cried.
How did we meet? What?! Tom, you're scaring me now.
No, it's fine, I remember, it's just I love the way you tell it.
Picture the scene - a crazy, mixed-up kid, lost in a strange and brutal town.
Her mission? A walking tour of the sites of archaeological significance.
She slips into a cafe, to use the facilities, and there behind the counter is a certain Mr Dishy-McDish of Dishtopia.
Then Hal's shift finished and you walked in! Ha-ha! And we went to a museum.
Ostensibly, to chaperone Hal and Alex, but I had an ulterior motive.
Nothing gets the heart racing like dioramas of Palaeolithic man.
I was biding my time and as soon as we hit the gift shop, I pounced! Is there anything weird about us? Anything we have in common.
Well, heaps of things.
The same values, the same sense of humour.
And we both hated Black Swan, but that strikes me as entirely reasonable.
But without nothing there, we're so different.
Why would you still be with me now? Because you're you! You're kind, and brave, and clever, and not too shabby in the sack department.
I want this to be true.
What? Tom, it is.
But how long can it go on for? As long as you like.
I think I know what's happened.
You've been asleep and you had a dream.
One of those really realistic dreams that seem so real that when you wake up, everything else seems fake.
But you've got to say to yourself, this is the real world, and everything that went before, that was the lie and this is my life.
You'll have to excuse me, Allison.
I think I'm having a Quality Street moment.
Perhaps you could go in the living room and read a magazine or a novel? Oh, er, OK What do you want, you know, from life? All this.
But for real.
Wasn't really happening, though.
Do you know what the definition of madness is? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
How d'you know that? I seen it on Eggheads.
I was going to drop it into a conversation to impress Hal, but the moment ain't come up yet.
Yes, Hal, what's going on with him at the moment? He's gone.
He does this.
He gets sort of replaced.
Well, to be fair, he still said he'd join in with the ritual.
And he knows it all flows back to whoever's blood it is and kills them.
That's not his blood in the flask.
He's using somebody else's blood.
Seriously? Ha! Will it still work? Well, it would weaken me, but that's all.
That's how I ended up in this body.
Chances are, I'd be back on my feet in 100 years.
He's a slippery bugger, isn't he? Hey, what's this? Alex Sweetheart You're crying.
Is this about Ryan's tattoo still? That was the last conversation that we had.
We argued about his tattoo and the spelling mistake.
That must be the last memory that you have of me.
What? You would have of me if, you know, something happened.
Exactly.
So stop being a dick and be nice to your poor dad, eh? Oh, Dad.
You're looking peaky.
Can't, erm What's his name? Hal.
Hal.
Can't you see Hal tomorrow? You look shattered.
Have an early night.
And, you know, don't worry about us.
You can do all the washing and the ironing in the morning.
Always looking after me.
I've grown very fond of you over the years.
I'm out of my depth here, love.
Is this a woman's thing? Shall I ring Nana? Or your Uncle Adrian? I'm fine, I'm just really happy.
Sweetheart, you can't go on a date when you're looking this happy.
I don't know if I can cancel.
I don't know how this works! How long since you last went out on a date? Maybe you're right.
All this is so I feel so strange What are you thinking? What?! Good God, woman, I just came in here to look for an ashtray.
For me, just tell me what's running through your head right now.
Your mum was an idiot.
Dad.
I don't mean I'm not trying to bring up old I mean walking out like that, missing seeing you, here and now, what you've become, I mean And you.
Yes, I have aged really well, to be fair.
Listen, I'm really sorry about earlier.
Mates again? Yeah.
God, yeah.
You're going to make me go back outside to smoke, aren't you? I thought I'd hidden your cigarettes.
Bought some more.
It's YOUR inheritance I'm spending.
I love you, Dad.
Well, you'd be mad not to.
That was a low blow.
Using him.
I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't show you the whole picture.
Everything you're missing.
Why? Why are you doing this? It's what I was made for.
God knows why.
Literally.
Grand scheme of things, circle of life, all that.
I don't really get a say in it.
I just have one purpose.
Chaos.
Cancel your date, play swing ball with your brothers, go home, fall in love.
I'd say that's a lot more real than where you came from.
Are you real? I think I'm symbolic.
I'm not sure if that's the same thing.
I wanted to say goodbye.
You did, don't you remember? Not to you, to Tom and Alex.
Alex will live too now! Yes.
Of course she will.
That's good.
There was a man here.
I didn't see anyone.
I'm sure of it.
We talked.
You are delirious.
You lost so much blood.
Close your eyes.
I wish I could remember I feel I have to remember something To ignore the man, the army surgeon, that's what you have to do.
Remember to die, Hal.
I was with Tom and Alex in a studio, and he was there, the man was there.
Shh, shh.
Then we were here.
I was thinking something.
Before you arrived.
About what he was saying.
There wasn't anyone there.
It's only ever been me.
No.
I was thinking I was thinking that this is a trick! You're making me sad, Hal.
Shut up! You're just symbolic! I want to talk to him.
I want to know what he's doing with the others.
It's misdirection.
While I'm here, what are you doing with the others? You didn't answer my question.
What are you going to do to the world? A bit late to worry about that.
I've already started.
But my family, my friends, you're going to hurt them.
Hurt them? They're right here! Hal and Alex, what are you doing to them? Fuck 'em! This is what you want.
You think they'd give up their dreams for you? You think Hal would give up anything for you?! Look at what I'm offering you.
There's no shame in living a dream if it's better than reality.
Who's going to thank you for giving this up? Who's going to know? You know where you went wrong? You should have put us together.
Everything is incomplete without them.
But my real family, the ones that I can't see, they're in danger.
That's not Allison in there.
How can you have spent a century living among people, without learning anything about us? You forget that we are not like you Deep down We're human.
Here! Here! I'm over here! Now, if you don't mind, I've a hot date to get ready for.
So, thank you very much for your kind offer, but I'm afraid I Do you know what? Sod it.
Bunch of poofs! Thank God, I'm still me.
I was good again.
It was ghastly.
You're not using your blood, so you won't die.
You lied to us.
It won't kill the Devil, it'll just put him out of action for 100 years.
It's self-preservation, that's all.
If you can find another ghost and werewolf, be my guest.
You never run out of ways of being a dick, do you? Guys Shit.
OK, we do it anyway.
And if he comes back in 100 years, then you kick his arse properly.
Yeah, yeah, it's a date.
Hal, I just drink it, yeah? Welcome back.
Come closer.
That's it, right up to the television.
I've got a secret to tell you all.
Everybody loves a secret, don't they? Ou suis-je? Qui etes The Government has launched an inquiry into how the gas was released, and how a retired army captain, suffering from dementia, was able to gain access to the television studio.
"Poison gas fumes," they really expect people to believe that? I don't see why not.
People will believe whatever gives them the fewest nightmares.
What happened to the Devil? He'll have returned to the atmosphere, to people's hearts.
Still, it looks like Rook's got his department back.
Maybe that's a good thing, though.
There's still a lot of monsters about.
That's my cue to go.
I have a surprisingly low threshold for passive aggression.
OK, we do this now.
But he just said that the Devil will come back one day.
Won't we need Hal to defeat him and stuff? We'll do it, we'll find a way.
God, I knew you'd do this, I knew you'd pussy out! Oh, and, Alex Sorry things didn't work out between us.
I know "other me" was keen as mustard.
Well, maybe "other you" should have stuck around.
Hal, If this is it, will you say goodbye as Good Hal? My best mate.
If this is my last memory of you, will you make it a nice one? Goodbye, Tom.
You deserve better friends than me.
Are we wasting our time, doing all this, trying to be human? Tom, don't ask him.
The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Is that what we're doing? Hal.
Don't take everything away.
I'm not part of this little project now, which gives me a clarity I didn't have before.
Annie, George, Mitchell, Nina, the two of you, what none of you realised, none of us realised, is - the desire to be human is the end, not the beginning.
To want it is to have it.
You're not wasting your time, Tom.
You've already won.
Adieu.
Alex, why are you holding the door shut? Oh, Tom.
You understand why we're doing this, don't you? I understand why you're going to try.
Don't suppose you fancy just sort of surrendering? I'm not the "just sort of surrendering" type.
Tom, put the stake down.
You don't have the stomach for this fight.
I do.
Do you know what the difference is between you and the other Hal? I see it now.
The other Hal never underestimated me.
What do we do now? I don't know.
Yes, what is the protocol in these situations? Bollocks.
Answer it.
We're going to answer it.
Are you going to run? I don't "run".
Alex.
Door.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
Awkward.
Bloody hell.
I come in peace.
Alex! Alex, Alex! What?! Am I jumping the queue? D'you want to stamp on his neck first? He did stop Hatch.
Shit the bed, you think we're even now? He brought the Devil back! He brought him back! Basically, there's some sort of debate as to whether the end justifies the means.
We're talking to the ghost, by the way.
Perhaps you can explain.
I thought I was doing a good thing.
Or, at least, a necessary thing.
God, change the bloody record.
What's he doing here, anyway? Does he want us to forgive him, is that it?! What do you want? We were in the middle of something.
I came to tell you that I have resigned my post.
What the hell did Natasha or any of those people die for?! What did any of those people die for? What did any of this happen for?! None of those deaths were in vain.
The future of the department is assured now.
Our work.
THEIR work.
Their essential work can continue.
Fuck this, I can't listen to this.
Get him out of here, before I poltergeist an anvil on his head! Perhaps it is too soon.
Perhaps none of this can make sense yet.
I do have a question.
How can you hear Alex? She talked about the deaths and Natasha.
You responded.
How? What am I like? Your insides are on fire.
Argh! When I realised Rook was about to kill me, I fled that old tired body and entered this one.
Now it's too late! I'm too powerful! We have to do the ritual! What are you waiting for?! He'll kill us all! Just do it! Do it! Now, drink it! The Devil needs to possess a human.
You're the only human here.
His spirit is going to come back and take you again! When it does, kill me! Rook? Rook! Is everyone OK? Alex? Hmm What about you? Are you Good Hal, Bad Hal? Both.
Neither.
I can't explain it.
No, even I felt that.
What? Your head You're bleeding It's not just the cut.
I'm aching.
I feel like I've been hit by a bus.
Oh, shit, look, my tights are ripped! Tom! Hit me! Aw! Jesus But I felt it.
That actually hurt! Tom, what about you? The Wolf's gone.
I can't find it.
Hal, what's happening? Our curses came from the Devil.
With him dead, properly dead, they've gone.
We're human.
Are you still eating?! You're going to make yourself sick.
That's the plan.
Hmm, another sensation that I've missed.
Tea? Nah, I'm stuffed.
Oh, go on, then.
Just a wee one, though.
And a coffee.
Mmm, and some hot chocolate.
And some biscuits.
D'you think we should ring first? Y'know, me turning up, on my family's doorstep, literally risen from the grave.
My dad'll have a heart attack.
Trust me, I don't think there's a good way of doing this.
It's starting in two minutes.
Have you asked her yet? I was waiting for an appropriate moment.
Well, now's good.
Look, she's there.
Were you planning to stay in Scotland, with your family? We're assuming you will, and that's fine, we completely understand But we want you to stay with us, because you're sound.
Yeah.
Quite.
Erm, but this is your home too and you'd be more than welcome to come back here.
I'd like that.
We'd like that.
Well, I'd like it very much.
We would.
Ooh, erm.
Before I died, the plan was to live.
To leave home, to see the world.
So going back there now would be a bit like wasting this second chance.
But would staying here be any better? I don't know.
Can we do this thing with my family first? I can't really make a decision until we've done that.
You should have waited till later.
What? So what happens now? With us? I know it's ten kinds of weird, but I think we need to discuss it.
I do too, erm, I just assumed that you'd want to wait until you'd seen your family.
Oh, no.
I do.
But I just need to know what else there is for me here.
Me.
There's me.
It's starting! Right.
It's 10p a bet, before they price it, obviously.
Closest to the actual value wins.
And, Hal, if it's something you used to own, you miss that round.
What? Once.
That happened once.
Hey, what was your dream? Where did Hatch put you? Somewhere a long way away.
But it didn't have you two there.
I told him he should have put us together, that it was incomplete without you two.
And here we are.
Here you are.
Sshh! 'A first on the Antiques Roadshow.
We've been to our fair share of stately homes'