Gilmore Girls s05e06 Episode Script
Norman Mailer, I'm Pregnant!
- Hey.
|- Hey, back.
- Ready?|- Almost.
Almost? I just have to find my keys,|and finish the laundry.
That's not almost.
Sounds like we're going to have to|speed to the movies park illegally, and you hit the bathroom|while I grab the popcorn.
We'll meet back at the seats|all sweaty and aggravated.
Well, of course, I'll be aggravated.
|You forgot the Red Vines.
No keys here.
- You know the lights are on in your jeep?|- Yeah.
The porch light's out, and it was dark,|so I left the jeep on for the light.
Could you lift, please? - But the battery's going to die.
|- No, I timed it.
It takes 12 hours for the battery|to wear out.
I go to work at 8:00,|giving me two hours to spare and a whole day to recharge.
Not here, either.
Down, please.
Why don't you just change the porch light? Have you seen how dirty it is up there with those creepy moths|that fly in your face? And you could swallow one|and end up with some weird hand-to-moth-to-mouth disease.
There's no such thing.
- Did you see "Mothman Prophecies?"|- Yes.
- Okay, then, did you see the sequel?|- There's a sequel? Yes.
It is a heartbreaking saga in which Richard Gere|gets a life-threatening disease from changing a dirty porch light.
- There was no sequel.
|- Well, it's still really gross up there.
How long has it been out? Since Rory broke up with Dean|the first time.
- Not the sequel.
|- Yes, he was the last one to change it.
Jess never changed the porch light,|by the way.
Okay, this room is definitely|keyless.
Kitchen.
- You left your keys in the stove?|- No.
My socks.
Your socks.
Of course.
How naive of me.
It makes them warm and slightly toasty.
That's weird.
What's weird?|There's so much to choose from.
They're still damp.
I followed the recipe,|bake at 250, 10 minutes a side You think my oven's broken? - What about your dryer?|- No, the dryer's fine.
- I think we should get to the movies.
|- All done.
Let's go.
- Keys.
|- Forget about them.
- Just leave the door unlocked.
|- You can't.
- That's not safe.
|- Sure it is.
Just because you say it's safe|doesn't make it safe.
- If you build it, they will come.
|- Have you checked out by the - Keys are in the door.
|- They are? That's right.
I had to go in the back way|because the porch light was out.
- They're stuck.
|- Yeah, yeah, that happens.
There.
You ready? I can never pick you up here again.
I had a dream about you last night.
If this gets dirty, feel free|to keep it to yourself.
I dreamt that in spite of the fact that you knew I wanted to be|assigned the religion beat you went behind my back to Doyle,|cooked him dinner, and stole it from me.
It's just a dream, Paris.
You made veal parmesan, and it felt real.
I don't make veal parmesan.
I don't make anything,|and I don't want the religion beat.
I want features.
You know that.
- You say you want features.
|- And I mean it.
Dreams tell you things.
It's our subconscious talking to us,|warning us telling us about things that are happening.
- Paris-|- My dream was telling me that you were stabbing me in the back|with your veal parmesan.
Well, I must have|really overcooked it, then.
- Let me smell your hands.
|- Go away.
You used a lot of garlic.
- Bye.
|- Rory, listen to me.
We're close, like friends,|and I would hate for something as trivial as competition for|the religion beat to come between us.
Oh, my God, I don't want the religion beat.
- We could end up like the Van Burens.
|- As in Mr.
and Mrs.
President? - As in Abby and Ann.
|- Right.
Sisters in blood, but bitter rivals.
- They don't even speak anymore.
|- That's because one of them is dead.
- You don't want the religion beat?|- I'm sorry.
You meant the religion beat.
- No, I don't.
|- Sanora Thomas was in my dream, too.
She was pouring the wine.
|Yo, Sanora.
Where's the fire? - Hey, Rory, did you see this?|- See what? It's no big deal.
Glenn here got himself published|in "The New York Times.
" - You're kidding.
|- It's no big deal.
"It's no big deal," he says.
This is the article you wrote about the reprinting|of "The Anarchist Cookbook.
" - It's no big deal.
|- This was in our last issue.
And the "Times" picked it up.
They do that every now and then.
They pick up something,|and they publish it.
And that's what they did|with our boy Glenn here.
- Please don't pat my back again.
|- Well, congratulations, Glenn.
Don't say it loud.
People are looking.
- You should be proud.
|- Why? It's not even my best piece.
- It's still pretty amazing.
|- It is amazing.
It's absolutely amazing that|I spent all summer in Indiana working my ass off with|the "Muncie Messenger.
" And you went from "Star Trek" convention to Boba Fett fan club symposium,|and, yet, looky here.
The New York Times.
|Isn't that great, Rory? Aren't you seeing how great it is? Look, get off my bus, okay?|I don't know why they picked it.
I didn't ask them to pick it.
|I don't even read "The New York Times.
" You don't read- Well, Glenn, it's great,|and we're all just really happy for you.
Whatever.
Man, it's R.
W.
Apple again.
God, does he have anyone else to talk to? What? It's like "Being There.
"|He's Chauncey Gardiner.
Hey, Doyle, you have to look at it this way.
You edited that piece and|if it hadn't been edited well the "Times" never would have picked it.
That's a great way to look at it.
Thank you.
It's because of me that|he's going to be Bob Woodward.
I made it happen.
So someday when I'm running|the circulation department at the "Muncie Messenger,"|and Glenn is accepting his Pulitzer Prize I can point up at the screen|at the local bar where I regularly stop on my way home|to get drop-dead, blind drunk and say, "I helped him get there.
" Then I can fall off the stool and throw up.
Thank you so much for that, Gilmore.
I never would have thought|to look at it that way if it hadn't have been for you.
- Hey, Mom.
|- So, how are you? Do you want to laugh? - Laughing would be good.
|- Luke did the funniest bit before.
- I though you would-|- Will you stop? I did not do a bit.
What are you talking about? The bit.
- It was a riot.
|- It wasn't a bit.
I banged my head on the stove,|and it hurt like hell.
No, you said it funnier before.
Do it again.
I told you.
I never did it in the first place.
|You did it.
It's your bit.
How could it be my bit when|it's your head in the oven? Exactly.
My head, my conk, no bit.
Mom, just wondering, did you call|for any particular reason? Just checking in.
Seeing how|you're doing.
How're you doing? - I'm fine.
|- What's wrong? What makes you think|something's wrong? - You got Bambi voice.
|- I do not have Bambi voice.
- Spill, please.
|- I'm just really behind.
Behind what? I'm behind at the paper.
|Way, way behind at the paper.
Everyone else had these|amazingly productive summers.
Internships at hometown papers getting articles reprinted|in "The New York Times.
" And me, the person who's been talking|about being a journalist her entire life.
What did I do? I wasted two whole months|running away to Europe with Grandma.
Slow down.
First of all, Europe, waste? You had major and valuable experiences.
|The architecture, the food seeing my mother without|her makeup on in the morning.
But this is the time for work, for learning.
I didn't even consider|an internship anywhere.
I was so wrapped up|in my own personal whatever.
- I can't believe I did this.
|- Okay.
Let's take a step back here.
|You say you're behind.
- I am behind.
|- So, you'll catch up.
You say that like it's easy.
No, I say that like it's|what you're going to do.
You've done it before.
You were behind at Chilton, remember,|and then you hit a deer and everything was fine.
The two incidents|were in no way connected.
- But you caught up, right?|- That was high school.
This is college.
|A very big, important college.
Okay, different school, but same Rory.
|You're great at the catch-up thing.
You're the catch-up girl,|not to be confused with ketchup girl because that's not you at all.
You were strictly|a mustard and relish girl from day one.
That's a little condiment humor for you.
I'm really going to|have to work constantly.
Maybe I'll look for something|part-time at a local paper.
Good, that's good,|or you could work for a fishmonger.
- What?|- Because there's lots of newspapers there.
Jeez, what the He did it.
He did the bit.
Luke, do it again.
Do it louder for Rory.
- Hey, Mom.
|- Yeah.
- You sound happy.
|- I am, kid.
What? Mr.
Mailer, it's just such a great honor|to be doing this interview.
So I just want to thank you- - Can I give you a tip?|- Yes, sir.
I wouldn't start that way|for a simple reason.
I don't trust compliments.
|I've been getting them for years.
Sometimes I deserved them,|sometimes I didn't.
But generally when people|give you a compliment there's one of two things|wrong with them.
Either they are false,|or what's worse is they're sincere.
They really mean the compliment.
|And then they're offering you their loyalty.
I'm kind of a stingy, cold fellow I don't want to give all that loyalty back.
So, either way, let's skip the compliments.
Let's talk about|What are you working on now? I'm going to keep saying no to you.
|I can't tell you what I'm working on.
I never tell anybody what I'm working on.
|A novel is like a secret affair and you don't bring other people in on it.
Norman Mailer's back|for the third time this week.
Yep.
Sure is.
This is so exciting.
|I've got to call and tell Rory.
You know, she read|The Naked and the Dead when she was still wearing|footsie pajamas.
Chicken's burning.
This is our first step|on the road to being saloned.
I mean, as soon as word gets out that Norman Mailer|is having lunch at the Dragonfly it's just a matter of time before the rest of the literati|come sweeping in.
Sound's great.
We'll have to keep Gore Vidal|on the other side of the room.
But, you know,|probably Gabriel Garcìa Màrquez will run interference for us.
- Butter bath, boys.
Butter bath!|- Everything okay? Sure.
I'm thrilled and delighted that Norman Mailer is coming|in here every day and sitting at a table for four,|and ordering nothing at all but tea.
- Tea?|- Iced tea.
Glass after glass after glass.
- I'm sure he orders more than iced tea.
|- Are you, now? All right.
You make great iced tea.
|I mean, legendary.
So, can you blame him? All I know is, when Billy Joel|came into the Independence Inn he would pack it away.
Appetizers,|main course, two, three desserts.
That was a man that knew how to eat.
|And he was almost able to hide it.
- Yes, but have you ever read his novels?|- This is a restaurant, not a coffee shop.
Come on, Sookie, this is fun.
We're the cool place where|Norman Mailer likes to hang.
It'll give us street cred, you'll see.
- Fine.
|- Need some more iced tea.
Gee, I wonder who that's for? Lina, economic development.
|Sang, Woodbridge hall.
Benji, legal issues.
Paris, religion beat.
Me? Really? I hadn't thought.
All right.
Jerry, city arts.
|Rory, features.
Glenn, crime.
- What, you don't want crime?|- I don't care.
Maureen Dowd told me it's all the same,|not that that big flirt has any idea what she's talking about.
All right.
That's it.
Congratulations if you|got what you wanted.
And if you didn't, I could care less.
Get cracking.
Doyle, thank you so much|for the features beat.
- I can't tell you how excited I am.
|- Then please don't try.
I'm going to kick butt.
|You just wait and see.
You're a reporter now, Gilmore.
|You got to learn to say "ass.
" I'll work on that.
Hey, listen, I have about a million|ideas for my first story I was wondering|if I could run them by you see what you think.
Two minutes.
Go.
Okay, first, I thought I could do an update|on unionizing the janitorial staff.
You know, a classic power struggle.
|Haves versus the have-nots.
Okay.
Or, and I already|have a headline for this one "Yale's liberal activist network,|a thing of the past?" Catchy.
Then, there's the issue|of illegal music downloading on campus which I imagine is a major- - Oh, no.
|- What? - He's back.
|- Bye.
Well, Doyle, my friend.
You're looking very, very well.
|How you been? I've been great, Logan.
|It's great to have you back.
Yeah? Well, I stayed away as long|as I could, but the "Yale Daily News " - it called to me.
|- Sure.
So, how's everything? How's the family? Everything's fine.
The family's the family.
|My desk.
Beautiful.
You know, Logan,|I actually didn't know exactly when you were coming back|and I gave out the beats.
That's fine.
|I'll take whatever one you got left over.
Actually, there's none left.
Perfect.
Just the one I wanted.
|Relax, Doyle.
I'm just here for the pretty picture|in my father's head.
I'm not going to be any trouble at all.
Logan, please.
You? Trouble? Stop.
It's just, glad to have you here.
Be careful, Doyle.
You might hurt yourself.
Better get back to work, right, boss?|Rory, nice to see you.
You know Logan?|How do you know Logan? I don't know him, I met him.
|My friend introduced us.
- So you're not friends?|- No, definitely not friends.
That guy's a real piece of work.
He took last year off|with a bunch of his friends.
He was going to sail Daddy's yacht|around the world, until he sank it.
- He sank his father's yacht?|- Right off of Fiji.
They spent six months|gallivanting and partying and God knows what-ing there, till Daddy|sent one of his planes to bring him back.
- I'm guessing his father's rich.
|- His father's Mitchum Huntzberger.
Mitchum Huntzberger,|the newspaper guy? The newspaper magnate.
The man owns at least 12 different papers.
|I spent two years kissing Logan's butt.
- Don't you mean "ass"?|- Whatever.
I guess it's time to pucker up again.
Man, I hate those kind of guys.
- What kind of guys?|- Those privileged white males.
Doyle, you're a privileged white male.
Well, he's more privileged,|and way more whiter.
Why am I talking to you?|Meg, why am I talking to Gilmore? My story.
We were picking a story.
Right.
Well, they all sound fine to me.
I think I'll go with the downloading story.
Good.
Go with your gut.
Now get to work.
Hello.
City desk.
Smitty here.
|Take this down.
I got a hot scoop on a tall blonde,|and I got to put it to bed on the double.
How do you see your position|in "American Letters?" I'm either the best or I'm not,|and I have no idea.
And, in fact, I don't even|worry about it anymore because it doesn't matter|that you think you're the best.
There are 20 of us around.
|20 American writers right now I could name them, but I won't who think they're the best|living American writer.
And I'm one of those 20.
|On the other hand I don't want to make friends|with some of those guys because they're bastards.
Okay, who is your favorite author|of all time? - So, how are we doing over here?|- We're fine.
Thank you.
Hey, you know what goes great|with iced tea? Pork tenderloin.
- Maybe later.
Thanks.
|- We have a great menu here.
I'm holding a couple as we speak.
- We're fine.
Thank you.
|- Okay.
Hey, I don't know if the waiter told you,|but today is Wednesday.
And on Wednesday, at the Dragonfly we play a little something|I like to call "stump the chef.
" Which is me.
And the way we play|is that you name any dish in the world and I will make it for you.
And if I don't know what it is,|then you get your lunch completely free.
What the devil is she talking about? Actually, could we have|some lemon for the iced tea? Lemon? Sure.
One plate of lemon, coming up.
If you change your mind,|I'll be in the kitchen you know, with the food.
I already have a ton of data,|and pages of research.
And the best thing is|Nancy, this girl on the fourth floor her father was the guy|who ran security at the gallery when Lars Ulrich sold all his art and he said he'd try to get him|on the phone for an interview and I got to breathe now.
I think that was a record.
What do you think? You think it|sounds big enough important enough? - Yes, I do.
|- I think so, too.
I feel very, very good about this, Forester.
Excellent to hear, Gilmore.
Monsignor, why is asking you|to keep your cell on vibrate during mass in case I need to|fact check a quote outrageous? Rabbi Feldman's doing it for me|on Shabbos.
And he's flying against the Talmud there.
So, when do I get to read|this story of yours? Well, I figure I'll finish a draft in time|for our date tomorrow night.
So you can have a romantic night|of proofreading.
- Pretty hot, don't you think?|- Yeah.
Listen.
I'm kidding.
You don't have to read it.
|I'll read it to you.
- I have to work tomorrow night.
|- What? - I'm sorry.
|- Since when do you work on Thursday? Since Taylor decided to try and cash in|on the 24-hour trucker crowd.
- What trucker crowd?|- The trucker crowd off Highway 84.
Since when does the trucker|crowd off Highway 84 come through Stars Hollow? - Since we installed an Icee machine.
|- Wow.
Yep.
I'm stuck here pulling the new shifts|until we see how it's catching on.
- Sounds rough.
|- Yeah.
You haven't lived until you've heard Taylor|belt out "Stand By Your Man.
" - You deserve hazard pay.
|- Already submitted for it.
So no tomorrow night.
|Bummer.
How about Saturday? Saturday, I'm here.
|What about next week? I've got Tuesday and Wednesdays off.
I have this article,|and I'm already behind on my reading.
Next weekend? Going to Maine for my grandparents'|wedding anniversary.
- Well, it was nice knowing you.
|- Way to stand by your man.
- So I guess it's week after next.
|- Yeah, I guess so.
I turn in my article on that Monday.
Monday night it is.
They say absence makes|the heart grow fonder.
- Yeah, sex can do that also.
|- Amen, brother.
Okay, I got to go.
You have to stir the nacho cheese every|20 minutes, or it forms kind of a rock.
- Go stir the cheese.
|- Call you tomorrow.
Okay.
Bye.
Did you know that priests|have a fabulous sense of humor? Just stay one lightning bolt's length|away from me at all times, please.
You want to go check out|some Mormon bingo around 5th? No, thanks.
- How's your article coming?|- Very good.
Good.
So you must've found a new|angle on it, right? Right.
New angle.
Yeah, you know, downloading stories|are everywhere, and they all say exactly the same thing.
Downloading's up.
|CD sales are down, but up from last year.
It's not hurting the music industry,|but the music industry is hurting.
It always seems like there's got|to be more to it than that but there never is.
But, you have a fresh angle, so good.
- Yeah, good.
|- Okay, I'll be back late.
If Rabbi Feldman calls,|tell him I got the stats from Edward James Olmos' office.
|So, I'm good.
- Bye.
|- Yeah, bye.
Never mind.
I see the note in pink.
- Thank you, Lorelai.
|- You're welcome.
Okay, I see a lot of growth this month.
The initial drop-off, which we all knew|was going to happen after the opening has sort of settled.
And you're doing|a good 70 to 75% occupancy which is pretty good.
Yeah, and the holidays are coming up.
We're booked solid|the last three weeks of November.
Well, that's all positive news.
So, let's just talk about the things|we can do to help till then.
- So, we need help?|- Well, yes.
Some.
It's the first year,|and you're building the business there's not a lot of profit right now.
And personally, I'd feel better if we could|lighten some of the financial load.
- Financial load?|- That sounds bad.
I could put in for overtime, and I don't.
Look, you need to get some of these|burdens off of you, for example, lunch.
- What about lunch?|- Breakfast seems to be breaking even and you're doing fine with dinner,|but lunch- - What about lunch, Ann?|- You're hemorrhaging money at lunch.
You have a full staff|for a basically empty dining room.
I think it might be a good idea|to drop lunch until you get|your occupancy rate up higher and- Drop lunch? Did she say, "Drop lunch"? Just until we get our occupancy|rates up a little higher.
- A lot higher.
|- I don't understand.
- That's the only thing we can do?|- Well- I mean,|I just think it's extremely coincidental that the only thing we can do|to save the inn is to get rid of lunch.
- I'm sure it's not the only thing.
|- I mean, lunch is my thing.
Why do we have to get rid of my thing?|Why can't we get rid of Michel's things? What things?|I stand behind a desk and answer a phone.
- What of mine can you possibly get rid of?|- The desk.
- Put the phone on the wall|- What? and write on your shoe.
|'Cause he goes through a lot of paper.
- Okay, Ann, would you just-|- It's not fair.
It's not fair that everybody|else gets to keep their thing - and I have to get rid of my lunch.
|- Ann's just trying to help.
- Ann hates me.
|- No, I don't.
Okay, Ann, how would you like to|go in the kitchen and get yourself - a cup of coffee?|- I don't hate her.
I know.
Michel, can you|get Ann some coffee? Absolutely, and then I'll go hang my phone|on the wall.
I have to tell you,|looking good is so important when you represent|the face of the company, no? I mean, I am the first thing|that a customer sees when they walk through that door.
Your suits are not a deduction, Michel.
- What are you doing?|- She's taking my lunches away.
- She's trying to help us.
|- This is all Norman Mailer's fault.
He just sits around ordering nothing,|yammering on and on.
So, he was married to Marilyn Monroe.
|Who wasn't? - That was Arthur Miller.
|- I'm going to kick him and pinch his nose.
Hey.
Get a grip, Sookie.
|We're trying to launch a business here.
- The restaurant is part of the business.
|- I know.
And cutting out lunch is not the- Temporarily cutting out lunch.
|Temporarily, Sookie.
Just until things perk up, which they will.
And when they do,|the lunches will go back, just like before.
- Sookie? Okay?|- Fine.
Just give it time.
And we're going|to leave Mr.
Mailer alone, right? Because I don't care how old he is,|he can take you.
I know.
So we're booted up, and we're searching|the network for other clients, right? And then you enter the album you want|in the search field, right? - The new Interpol.
Have you heard it?|- I think so.
Little less Joy Division this time.
More Nick Cave|got mugged by Paul Weller with some "Seventeen Seconds,"|sort of, Cure, thrown in.
But, anyway, for better quality,|you choose the file with the highest bit rate.
It's a trade-off 'cause it's a bigger file size.
The lower the bit rate, the smaller the file,|but lower quality.
Got that? - Higher, smaller.
Lower, larger.
|- Higher, larger.
Lower, smaller.
Check this out.
I can download a band's entire catalog|with the push of a button.
I can take down all 22 Chicago albums.
There's "Chicago One,"|Chicago Two, Chicago Three "Chicago Four.
" Neat, huh? Yeah, really neat.
Chicago Nine, Chicago Ten.
I hate Chicago.
Use a trombone, go to jail.
But my goal is to get it all,|from Abba to Zappa.
There's the Christmas album.
Okay, that's really fascinating stuff,|but let me ask you, do you still buy CDs? Yeah.
Anything to add to that? You heard the CD sales are up this year? Yes, I did.
Down last year.
Up this year.
Weird.
Cool! Here's a 1986 bootleg of|"Chicago live at "the Cumberland Civic Center,"|in Portland, Maine.
So, Len, tell me about when Or if - Yeah?|- I just, I lost my train of thought.
I hate that.
You know what?|I think I'm going to go get a cup of coffee.
Coffee sounds good.
|I'll be back in a minute.
I'll be here.
Didn't see you there.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
Hold on.
I get it.
You're ringing.
Howdy, ma'am.
Hold on, hold on.
- Yes.
Hi.
Hello.
|- Lor.
- Chris?|- I can't get her to stop.
- Stop what?|- Crying, screaming.
She's not hot, there's no fever,|and I can't get her to eat.
- We're talking about Gigi, right?|- Yes.
Okay, because, you know,|Sherry's really thin, so I - Are you sure she's not hot?|- No, I already checked.
I don't know what to do.
She's everywhere, she won't sit still.
She keeps climbing out of her crib,|and she's moving really fast.
Chris, honey, calm down.
Where's Sherry? She's not here.
She's out again.
When is she getting home? I don't know what to do.
|I didn't know who to call.
The nanny is not answering her pager and Sherry's friends,|they don't have kids or like kids.
- I just-|- I'll be right there.
Bye.
I owe you so big.
You look great.
How long ago did Axl Rose leave? Yeah, the place is kind of a mess.
|I tried to clean up earlier.
But she keeps climbing out of the crib.
|When she's not climbing, she's screaming.
I don't know what to do here.
I mean, I keep thinking she's hungry,|but she won't eat.
Oh, crap! There she goes again.
Come on, Gi.
|Let's go back in the crib, huh? You tell him, girlfriend.
- She hasn't slept for days.
|- I'm guessing that makes two of you.
Yeah, well.
Come on, Gi, just a little sleep, huh? - Chris, where is Sherry?|- She's away.
Come on.
Seriously, Gigi.
|$500 if you stay in there for 10 minutes.
Hold out, kid.
|You've got him on the ropes now.
- She doesn't need your help.
|- No, she doesn't.
Just come here.
Hi.
Oh, wow.
I hear strained spinach is the new pink.
|Here you go.
It's okay.
Here you go.
- That's it?|- Yeah.
- You mean, she's going to stay in there?|- Yeah.
Until her hair grows long enough|for the prince to shimmy up.
- What?|- Come on.
God, I am so sorry, Lor.
For what? I hardly ever call you or Rory,|but the minute I'm in trouble - Well, that's what we're here for.
|- Yeah.
I've been traveling so much,|then I get home to this and I didn't know what to do.
|I swear I didn't know what to do.
- Chris.
|- Yeah? - Where is Sherry?|- Sherry is in Paris.
Wow.
Lucky girl.
When does she get back? She's not.
She's I got home from Seattle,|and the nanny was here and she handed me a note.
It said that Sherry had been|offered a job in Paris and she had decided to take it.
What? She said she had put her career on hold|for almost two years.
She said I'd been gone for most|of that time, which I guess is true and she wasn't|going to let this opportunity pass.
She said it was my turn.
She was sorry,|but she had to do this for her.
- Wow.
|- Yeah.
- I'm stunned.
|- Pretty much my same reaction.
But Gigi? She just takes off on Gigi? Okay, well, you smell as good as you look.
- I haven't showered since Seattle.
|- Really? Well, I'm hot.
Okay, how about this for a plan?|You go take a shower and I will order some food,|and I'll start to clean up- - Hey, I can't do this.
|- Do what, shower? You've done it before.
You just turn the water on, and step in.
|Wait, remove clothes, then step in.
I can't raise her.
|I cannot raise her all by myself.
- Yes, you can.
|- What makes you think so? Because you have to.
Chris, she's your daughter,|and you're going to find a way.
- I did.
I did it with Rory.
|- You're different.
- Yes.
I was 16.
|- You're different.
I mean, you're special.
You're stronger.
You're like a superhero with red boots,|and a golden lasso.
It was one Halloween, Christopher.
I mean, you raised Rory all by yourself.
You had no one to help you,|and you didn't look back.
That's right.
But if I had decided to bail on Rory|and follow the Bangles around the world which is what I planned to do|until the Demerol kicked in then you would have put on the red boots|and golden lasso.
And you would have raised her,|and everything would have been fine.
Except she wouldn't have|introduced you to anyone or let you go to the parent night at school,|because you look so freaky.
- I don't know.
|- She is your daughter.
And I don't even know her.
|I've been gone so much.
- Well, welcome home, babe.
|- I don't want to screw this up, Lor.
You're not going to.
|I know you can do this, Chris.
You ever get tired|of being my cheerleader? Hey, as long as I look cute in the skirt,|I'm good to go.
Okay.
- I really need to shower.
|- Yeah.
I'll clear a path and order some food.
- Yeah, no applesauce.
|- You got it.
So, you really think I can handle this? No doubt in my mind.
Go.
I've got the crying.
Hey, Lor.
|I don't know what I'd do without you.
Yeah, you're going to find out|real soon if you don't- Take off clothes, get in shower,|turn on water.
I'm going.
Just another manic Monday Geller! - Do you see what I have here in my hand?|- I'm busy, Doyle.
Rabbi Baron says he's changed|his number twice.
Oh, please.
Father Callahan|is threatening a restraining order.
If I had a nickel.
And the Honorable|Muhammad Abdul Aziz says that you stole his flip-flops.
What a lie.
|He leaves them out in his hallway and I have told him a million|times that people suck and- - Paris!|- What? You have threatened, stalked|and basically freaked out every religious leader|within a 100-mile radius.
This paper has never|received so many complaints in the history of its existence.
|And how the hell did you get Jesse Jackson's barber's number? How? Hey, you gave me this beat to find a story,|not to kowtow and make nice and- - Geller!|- What? Way to go.
- Thanks.
|- Don't you dare give back those flip-flops.
Not a chance.
They fit perfectly.
Hey, Doyle,|I think I want to change my story.
- Yeah?|- The downloading story was a dead-end.
- There's nothing there.
|- You're telling me.
- What?|- I got bored just hearing you pitch it.
So, what do you got now? Okay, last night, I was in|one of the bathrooms over at Berkeley and this girl came in, slightly toasted.
She was wearing a full-on ball gown|with one of those plastic gorilla masks.
- Not something you see every day.
|- Exactly what I thought.
So I followed her out to the parking lot,|and she got in this fancy black SUV.
And said the phrase "in omnia paratus, "|which means "ready for anything.
" I know, I took Latin.
"QueI" impressed.
Continue.
All this seemed a little weird,|but interesting weird, you know.
So, I don't know,|maybe it's all this hanging out with a real newspaperman like yourself,|but my antenna went up.
I felt there was a story there.
|Did you catch the subtle sucking up? Caught it.
Continue.
So, I googled the phrase.
|Not quite sure what I was looking for.
But then, I found this.
|See, it links the phrase with a club here at Yale.
It's sort of a secret society,|kind of Skull and Bones kind of creepy group,|dating back to the 1800s.
This phrase was their motto.
Now, that alone, not that interesting.
|But here.
Look.
I found this in a 1996 edition|of the "Yale Daily News.
" It's an article on whether or not|this club actually exists.
A life and death brigade.
|Yeah, I know these guys.
- You do?|- No, I've heard of them.
They're apparently even more elusive|than the Skull-and-Bones crowd.
Of course they've never been linked|to masturbating in a coffin so I automatically like these guys better.
What do you know about them? Not much.
The paper's tried|to track them down before.
We've gotten a few leads But no one's ever gotten close enough|to confirm anything.
We all know they exist,|but we don't know they exist.
It's all just too, too|God, I hate those stupid clubs.
I want to do this story.
I want to find this club, track them down,|get on the inside.
- What do you think?|- Go with your gut.
You said that|about my downloading story.
Hey, you don't trust my gut.
- Finally.
|- What are you doing out here? Am I wearing the same thing|I wore last Friday night? What? Halfway here, I was struck|by the overwhelming feeling that I wore this exact outfit|to dinner last Friday night.
There's no way I'm going in there to see my mother wearing|the same thing I wore last Friday night.
Because I may not remember,|but she sure as hell will.
- I don't know.
|- You don't know? You don't remember,|but you expect me to? Well, you look at me more than|I look at me.
You sit across me at dinner.
You had more of a chance|to imprint my ensemble in your brain.
- Sorry.
No imprint.
|- That hurts.
I'm sure you don't remember|what I was wearing.
- I most certainly do.
|- Okay, what was I wearing? You were wearing a lovely|and delicately understated outfit.
- You were definitely wearing these arms.
|- Way to imprint, lady.
Stand in front of me just in case.
Hello.
Hi, we should be on the guest list.
|Halston and Liza are expecting us.
Okay, let's try it straight.
|Hi, we're here for dinner.
I'm Lorelai, the daughter.
|This is Rory, the granddaughter.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
Right this way.
She's acting weird.
She knows I'm wearing|the same outfit as last week.
- She wasn't here last week.
|- The world's small.
Maids talk.
- About you?|- Yes.
With all that's going on in the world,|all the maids in existence are talking about you.
Okay, now you're making me|seem a little stuck-up.
Can I get you a drink? - Yes, a martini, please.
|- Coke, please.
Maybe we should wait for my mother.
- Is she coming down soon?|- No.
Okay.
Do you know if she saw|what I was wearing through the window? Mrs.
Gilmore isn't here.
- She's not?|- Where is she? She's at a dinner|for the children's hospital.
So she's not going|to be here at all tonight.
No, I'm afraid not.
Okay, I guess we can just You know, we'll just go have dinner|in the pool house with Dad.
Mr.
Gilmore is out of town.
- He is?|- Till Tuesday.
We've officially become afterthoughts.
Would you like me to make you two|something for dinner? Well, since everyone's gone,|maybe I'll just head back to school.
I have a lot of work to do at the paper.
Yeah.
Okay.
That would be one option.
|Going back to school.
However, another option would be|staying here, ordering pizza and eating dinner|on the living room floor on paper plates.
You're evil.
- Would you bring us a phone book, please.
|- Right away.
- Get crazy.
|- Okay.
- Let's really live it up.
Carpe diem, baby.
|- I'm touching the rug with my feet.
You're perverse.
And when she brings the drinks,|let's not use coasters.
I wonder if there's anything in here|that we could un-alphabetize.
The rug is so soft.
You would not believe.
Would gluing everything in this room|to the ceiling so that it's in exactly the same place but upside down|be going too far? - A little.
|- So, dish? - Absolutely.
|- Sherry left your dad.
What? When? A couple of days ago.
|She got a job offer in Paris and she packed her tiny pants|in a bag and bailed.
- What about Gigi?|- Left her with Chris.
- No way.
|- Yeah.
He came home,|and the nanny handed him a letter.
I can't believe this.
|How could she just leave like that? I have no idea.
- How do you know all this?|- He called me.
- When?|- Yesterday.
He was freaking out because he couldn't|stop Gigi from crawling out of her crib.
And, you know,|I do have to hand it to him he gets extra points for the very original|duct-taping-of-the-diaper move.
- The place was a wreck.
|- You went over there? Yeah.
I calmed him down,|and we sort of got the place in order.
And I think everything's going to be okay.
I'm going to go back on Monday and|just make sure everyone's still breathing.
That's very nice of you.
Well, your dad is going to need a little help|being a dad.
I mean, because he was your dad, so no news flash here.
But you should see Gigi.
|She's huge, and gorgeous, and a belter.
Great.
Dinner is served.
It's a beautiful one-and-a-half mile hike.
There's a waterfall around this bend here.
And over here are|some of the oldest birch trees in the area.
A rare butterfly nature preserve|is off to the right here.
Excuse me.
|Michel, would you take over for me? Yes.
Of course.
Okay, so over here|by this semi-polluted brook you will find large, scary spiders and a fascinating display of poison ivy.
Luke, slow down.
I can't come now.
I'm working.
He what? Okay.
Fine.
I'm on my way.
Yes, I'm running.
|My feet are going like a cartoon character.
There are dust clouds behind me, and the|background keeps repeating itself.
Bye.
Which brings you|to the rattlesnake curve where people have actually died,|painful, but very picturesque deaths.
Lunch at the Dragonfly.
|Get your lunch at the Dragonfly.
You have not eaten lunch|till you've eaten lunch at the Dragonfly.
I mean it, Kirk, get away from here.
I am on the sidewalk, Luke.
|You do not own the sidewalk.
The sidewalk is for the common people.
The hoi polloi, the everyman.
And every man and every woman would like to have a delicious lunch|at the Dragonfly.
I'm going to call the cops.
Cops get free pie with lunch|at the Dragonfly.
Kirk, what are you doing?|You're a giant hot dog.
Technically, I'm a giant wiener.
|The costume tag says "wiener.
" Get him away from my diner.
I mean it.
Don't you worry, Lorelai.
I have no intention of abandoning my post,|and I will not rest till every single person in Stars Hollow|has tried lunch at the Dragonfly.
Kirk, I don't understand this.
I'm trying to scrounge up|a lunch crowd for you so I figured I'd go where|everybody already has lunch and get them over to you.
I'm doing a pretty good job,|if I do say so myself.
But who asked you Oh, boy.
Okay, Luke, I'm very sorry.
|This won't happen again.
Come on, Kirk.
|I'm sorry, but why a hot dog? - The Dragonfly doesn't serve hot dogs.
|- The quiche made me look fat.
- If I see him aground here again-|- You won't.
Let's go, Kirk.
This is as fast as I can go in this outfit.
Hey, Huntzberger.
- Hey, you waiting on me?|- Could be.
- Well, I'm flattered.
|- Your prerogative.
You here on business or pleasure? I just thought maybe I'd give you a chance|to respond to my article.
What article? The article I'm doing on|the Life and Death Brigade.
Don't really know|what you're talking about.
You don't? I thought you would.
It's a club.
One of these super secret,|super exclusive clubs here at Yale.
Membership spans a thousand centuries.
|Secret handshakes, and secret sayings a lot of running around in a circle|in your underwear.
- That kind of thing.
|- Sounds pretty secret.
Yeah, anyhow, I'm doing, sort of,|an exposé on this one particular club and I figured since you're in it maybe you'd like to have|your point of view included.
- I'm in it?|- Well, aren't you? I have yet to run around in a circle|in my underwear.
Well, okay.
I mean, I have proof that|your grandfather was in it which means that your father was in it,|which should mean that you're in it.
- But maybe not.
Okay.
|- Sorry to let you down.
No letdown.
It would have been nice but I have plenty of stuff without you,|and I'm sorry to have bothered you.
You got plenty without me, huh? Yeah, I have the ball gowns,|the girl in the gorilla mask In Omnia Paratus.
|Very fancy catchphrase, by the way.
The license plate on the black SUV,|and about a dozen other little things.
I mean, getting an interview|with an actual member would have been great,|but I'm okay without it.
- Great.
|- Yep.
Plus, I'm completely onto|your routine now.
- Wow.
|- Yeah.
So I figure I'll just track you and you'll eventually lead me|there anyway.
So, hey, it would be easier|if you would have talked to me now but I can do it the other way if you want.
- The other way?|- Yes.
- With you tracking me?|- Yes.
- Following my every move?|- Yeah.
- I pick that way.
|- Okay, but- We can start right now.
|I'm heading back to my room.
I'll keep the window open|in case you feel the need to sneak in and track me from the inside.
- Thanks for the info.
|- Absolutely.
And, hey, good luck with that article.
|Sounds like hell of a scoop.
Sookie, what was the first thing|we agreed on when we opened the inn? - What?|- Keep Kirk away from the business.
Then I get a call from a not so jolly Luke|and I run down there and I find a giant hot dog|handing out 10% off flyers for lunch at the Dragonfly.
- Who was the giant hot dog?|- Kirk was the giant hot dog.
I didn't tell him to dress|like a giant hot dog.
- Why would he dress like a giant hot dog?|- Because it's Kirk.
Sookie, the giant hot dog suit|was a given the minute you talked to Kirk.
I don't understand|what you were thinking.
I was thinking we needed to drum up|some lunch business.
- But there is no lunch.
|- Since when? Since when?|Sookie, we all agreed.
Ann said- I did not agree.
I did not agree to stop serving lunch.
Sookie, come on.
|It's the only thing we can do.
We have to.
You heard Ann,|we can't afford this.
- Who's all this food for?|- All we need is a little time.
And the people are going to come.
And I paid Kirk out of my own money,|by the way so you don't have to worry about that.
I'm worried about this.
- What?|- What are we doing with all this food? Who's going to eat it? Why are there|seven kitchen people working when the only person out there|is Norman Mailer? - Hey, this is what I do.
|- Sookie, we're dropping lunch.
It's just temporary, but as of now,|I'm sorry, it's gone.
Fine.
No lunch.
From now on, there's no lunch.
Everybody stop what you're doing,|because as of now, there's no more lunch.
Boys, sorry to break up the party,|but as of now, there's no more lunch.
It's been canceled.
You happy, Norman Mailer?|Lunch has been canceled.
That means no more iced teas.
|No more lemon slices.
No more hanging out at a restaurant,|ordering nothing because you're Norman Mailer|and you can.
It's just like me coming into a bookstore,|and reading your books without buying them.
Can I borrow this? I'm not going to pay for it.
|Just stand here and read.
Yeah.
Someone sure likes|to use his big words.
Can I get some more iced tea|for the table? Excuse me, Mr.
Mailer.
I'm terribly sorry.
What? Yeah, write that down.
- What?|- This is his fault.
It is not his fault.
He takes up space, he drinks iced tea,|he scares the other people off.
He does not.
|Why are you being so nutty about this? I don't know why|I'm getting so nutty about this.
I mean, I hear myself getting nutty.
And I know that there's no one|coming for lunch.
And I know that Norman Mailer's|not responsible for no one coming for lunch.
And I tell myself it's just temporary,|and there's still dinner and breakfast.
And that's good,|and I can do a lot with that.
And I try to calm myself down,|and that just only seems to make me crazier.
All I want to do is cry and scream and - Oh, my God, I'm pregnant.
|- You're pregnant? I'm pregnant.
Norman Mailer, I'm pregnant.
Congratulations.
- Hey, you okay?|- Yeah.
I think I had some bad host|at one of the masses yesterday.
Hey.
- Is the hot dog with you?|- No.
Kirk is at home.
- Good.
Make sure he stays there.
|- I will.
So, you still mad at me? - Nope.
|- You seem mad.
Not mad, just bugged.
Luke, I swear, Kirk will never bother|your business on our behalf again.
- It's not that.
|- What then? I got this table of bozos|sitting over there all day long ordering nothing but iced tea.
Why don't we focus on writing? I knew you'd come up|with a question like that.
It's like, why don't you push|my Cadillac for me? Bummer.
Rory, hey, what are you doing here? Here.
It's good to see you, kiddo.
Come on in.
Sit down.
Gigi is asleep, which is basically a miracle,|but what the hell for you, I'll wake her up.
- No, it's okay, I can't stay long.
|- Well, come sit down.
No, I can't stay.
- Okay.
|- I don't want you calling Mom anymore.
- What?|- I want you to stay away from her.
Rory- Mom's in a relationship now,|and she's doing really great.
He's kind and|Well, he's there, and she's happy.
I think that's great, Rory, I- You'll mess it up.
|You'll mess everything up.
Because every time you come back,|it always ends up the same way.
Mom's crying, and you're not being there.
|I know it's not your fault.
I know you don't mean it to be that way,|but that's how it is.
I just needed some help, that's all.
Next time you need help,|call a nanny, or a babysitter or call me, just leave Mom alone.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
Kiss Gigi for me.
English
|- Hey, back.
- Ready?|- Almost.
Almost? I just have to find my keys,|and finish the laundry.
That's not almost.
Sounds like we're going to have to|speed to the movies park illegally, and you hit the bathroom|while I grab the popcorn.
We'll meet back at the seats|all sweaty and aggravated.
Well, of course, I'll be aggravated.
|You forgot the Red Vines.
No keys here.
- You know the lights are on in your jeep?|- Yeah.
The porch light's out, and it was dark,|so I left the jeep on for the light.
Could you lift, please? - But the battery's going to die.
|- No, I timed it.
It takes 12 hours for the battery|to wear out.
I go to work at 8:00,|giving me two hours to spare and a whole day to recharge.
Not here, either.
Down, please.
Why don't you just change the porch light? Have you seen how dirty it is up there with those creepy moths|that fly in your face? And you could swallow one|and end up with some weird hand-to-moth-to-mouth disease.
There's no such thing.
- Did you see "Mothman Prophecies?"|- Yes.
- Okay, then, did you see the sequel?|- There's a sequel? Yes.
It is a heartbreaking saga in which Richard Gere|gets a life-threatening disease from changing a dirty porch light.
- There was no sequel.
|- Well, it's still really gross up there.
How long has it been out? Since Rory broke up with Dean|the first time.
- Not the sequel.
|- Yes, he was the last one to change it.
Jess never changed the porch light,|by the way.
Okay, this room is definitely|keyless.
Kitchen.
- You left your keys in the stove?|- No.
My socks.
Your socks.
Of course.
How naive of me.
It makes them warm and slightly toasty.
That's weird.
What's weird?|There's so much to choose from.
They're still damp.
I followed the recipe,|bake at 250, 10 minutes a side You think my oven's broken? - What about your dryer?|- No, the dryer's fine.
- I think we should get to the movies.
|- All done.
Let's go.
- Keys.
|- Forget about them.
- Just leave the door unlocked.
|- You can't.
- That's not safe.
|- Sure it is.
Just because you say it's safe|doesn't make it safe.
- If you build it, they will come.
|- Have you checked out by the - Keys are in the door.
|- They are? That's right.
I had to go in the back way|because the porch light was out.
- They're stuck.
|- Yeah, yeah, that happens.
There.
You ready? I can never pick you up here again.
I had a dream about you last night.
If this gets dirty, feel free|to keep it to yourself.
I dreamt that in spite of the fact that you knew I wanted to be|assigned the religion beat you went behind my back to Doyle,|cooked him dinner, and stole it from me.
It's just a dream, Paris.
You made veal parmesan, and it felt real.
I don't make veal parmesan.
I don't make anything,|and I don't want the religion beat.
I want features.
You know that.
- You say you want features.
|- And I mean it.
Dreams tell you things.
It's our subconscious talking to us,|warning us telling us about things that are happening.
- Paris-|- My dream was telling me that you were stabbing me in the back|with your veal parmesan.
Well, I must have|really overcooked it, then.
- Let me smell your hands.
|- Go away.
You used a lot of garlic.
- Bye.
|- Rory, listen to me.
We're close, like friends,|and I would hate for something as trivial as competition for|the religion beat to come between us.
Oh, my God, I don't want the religion beat.
- We could end up like the Van Burens.
|- As in Mr.
and Mrs.
President? - As in Abby and Ann.
|- Right.
Sisters in blood, but bitter rivals.
- They don't even speak anymore.
|- That's because one of them is dead.
- You don't want the religion beat?|- I'm sorry.
You meant the religion beat.
- No, I don't.
|- Sanora Thomas was in my dream, too.
She was pouring the wine.
|Yo, Sanora.
Where's the fire? - Hey, Rory, did you see this?|- See what? It's no big deal.
Glenn here got himself published|in "The New York Times.
" - You're kidding.
|- It's no big deal.
"It's no big deal," he says.
This is the article you wrote about the reprinting|of "The Anarchist Cookbook.
" - It's no big deal.
|- This was in our last issue.
And the "Times" picked it up.
They do that every now and then.
They pick up something,|and they publish it.
And that's what they did|with our boy Glenn here.
- Please don't pat my back again.
|- Well, congratulations, Glenn.
Don't say it loud.
People are looking.
- You should be proud.
|- Why? It's not even my best piece.
- It's still pretty amazing.
|- It is amazing.
It's absolutely amazing that|I spent all summer in Indiana working my ass off with|the "Muncie Messenger.
" And you went from "Star Trek" convention to Boba Fett fan club symposium,|and, yet, looky here.
The New York Times.
|Isn't that great, Rory? Aren't you seeing how great it is? Look, get off my bus, okay?|I don't know why they picked it.
I didn't ask them to pick it.
|I don't even read "The New York Times.
" You don't read- Well, Glenn, it's great,|and we're all just really happy for you.
Whatever.
Man, it's R.
W.
Apple again.
God, does he have anyone else to talk to? What? It's like "Being There.
"|He's Chauncey Gardiner.
Hey, Doyle, you have to look at it this way.
You edited that piece and|if it hadn't been edited well the "Times" never would have picked it.
That's a great way to look at it.
Thank you.
It's because of me that|he's going to be Bob Woodward.
I made it happen.
So someday when I'm running|the circulation department at the "Muncie Messenger,"|and Glenn is accepting his Pulitzer Prize I can point up at the screen|at the local bar where I regularly stop on my way home|to get drop-dead, blind drunk and say, "I helped him get there.
" Then I can fall off the stool and throw up.
Thank you so much for that, Gilmore.
I never would have thought|to look at it that way if it hadn't have been for you.
- Hey, Mom.
|- So, how are you? Do you want to laugh? - Laughing would be good.
|- Luke did the funniest bit before.
- I though you would-|- Will you stop? I did not do a bit.
What are you talking about? The bit.
- It was a riot.
|- It wasn't a bit.
I banged my head on the stove,|and it hurt like hell.
No, you said it funnier before.
Do it again.
I told you.
I never did it in the first place.
|You did it.
It's your bit.
How could it be my bit when|it's your head in the oven? Exactly.
My head, my conk, no bit.
Mom, just wondering, did you call|for any particular reason? Just checking in.
Seeing how|you're doing.
How're you doing? - I'm fine.
|- What's wrong? What makes you think|something's wrong? - You got Bambi voice.
|- I do not have Bambi voice.
- Spill, please.
|- I'm just really behind.
Behind what? I'm behind at the paper.
|Way, way behind at the paper.
Everyone else had these|amazingly productive summers.
Internships at hometown papers getting articles reprinted|in "The New York Times.
" And me, the person who's been talking|about being a journalist her entire life.
What did I do? I wasted two whole months|running away to Europe with Grandma.
Slow down.
First of all, Europe, waste? You had major and valuable experiences.
|The architecture, the food seeing my mother without|her makeup on in the morning.
But this is the time for work, for learning.
I didn't even consider|an internship anywhere.
I was so wrapped up|in my own personal whatever.
- I can't believe I did this.
|- Okay.
Let's take a step back here.
|You say you're behind.
- I am behind.
|- So, you'll catch up.
You say that like it's easy.
No, I say that like it's|what you're going to do.
You've done it before.
You were behind at Chilton, remember,|and then you hit a deer and everything was fine.
The two incidents|were in no way connected.
- But you caught up, right?|- That was high school.
This is college.
|A very big, important college.
Okay, different school, but same Rory.
|You're great at the catch-up thing.
You're the catch-up girl,|not to be confused with ketchup girl because that's not you at all.
You were strictly|a mustard and relish girl from day one.
That's a little condiment humor for you.
I'm really going to|have to work constantly.
Maybe I'll look for something|part-time at a local paper.
Good, that's good,|or you could work for a fishmonger.
- What?|- Because there's lots of newspapers there.
Jeez, what the He did it.
He did the bit.
Luke, do it again.
Do it louder for Rory.
- Hey, Mom.
|- Yeah.
- You sound happy.
|- I am, kid.
What? Mr.
Mailer, it's just such a great honor|to be doing this interview.
So I just want to thank you- - Can I give you a tip?|- Yes, sir.
I wouldn't start that way|for a simple reason.
I don't trust compliments.
|I've been getting them for years.
Sometimes I deserved them,|sometimes I didn't.
But generally when people|give you a compliment there's one of two things|wrong with them.
Either they are false,|or what's worse is they're sincere.
They really mean the compliment.
|And then they're offering you their loyalty.
I'm kind of a stingy, cold fellow I don't want to give all that loyalty back.
So, either way, let's skip the compliments.
Let's talk about|What are you working on now? I'm going to keep saying no to you.
|I can't tell you what I'm working on.
I never tell anybody what I'm working on.
|A novel is like a secret affair and you don't bring other people in on it.
Norman Mailer's back|for the third time this week.
Yep.
Sure is.
This is so exciting.
|I've got to call and tell Rory.
You know, she read|The Naked and the Dead when she was still wearing|footsie pajamas.
Chicken's burning.
This is our first step|on the road to being saloned.
I mean, as soon as word gets out that Norman Mailer|is having lunch at the Dragonfly it's just a matter of time before the rest of the literati|come sweeping in.
Sound's great.
We'll have to keep Gore Vidal|on the other side of the room.
But, you know,|probably Gabriel Garcìa Màrquez will run interference for us.
- Butter bath, boys.
Butter bath!|- Everything okay? Sure.
I'm thrilled and delighted that Norman Mailer is coming|in here every day and sitting at a table for four,|and ordering nothing at all but tea.
- Tea?|- Iced tea.
Glass after glass after glass.
- I'm sure he orders more than iced tea.
|- Are you, now? All right.
You make great iced tea.
|I mean, legendary.
So, can you blame him? All I know is, when Billy Joel|came into the Independence Inn he would pack it away.
Appetizers,|main course, two, three desserts.
That was a man that knew how to eat.
|And he was almost able to hide it.
- Yes, but have you ever read his novels?|- This is a restaurant, not a coffee shop.
Come on, Sookie, this is fun.
We're the cool place where|Norman Mailer likes to hang.
It'll give us street cred, you'll see.
- Fine.
|- Need some more iced tea.
Gee, I wonder who that's for? Lina, economic development.
|Sang, Woodbridge hall.
Benji, legal issues.
Paris, religion beat.
Me? Really? I hadn't thought.
All right.
Jerry, city arts.
|Rory, features.
Glenn, crime.
- What, you don't want crime?|- I don't care.
Maureen Dowd told me it's all the same,|not that that big flirt has any idea what she's talking about.
All right.
That's it.
Congratulations if you|got what you wanted.
And if you didn't, I could care less.
Get cracking.
Doyle, thank you so much|for the features beat.
- I can't tell you how excited I am.
|- Then please don't try.
I'm going to kick butt.
|You just wait and see.
You're a reporter now, Gilmore.
|You got to learn to say "ass.
" I'll work on that.
Hey, listen, I have about a million|ideas for my first story I was wondering|if I could run them by you see what you think.
Two minutes.
Go.
Okay, first, I thought I could do an update|on unionizing the janitorial staff.
You know, a classic power struggle.
|Haves versus the have-nots.
Okay.
Or, and I already|have a headline for this one "Yale's liberal activist network,|a thing of the past?" Catchy.
Then, there's the issue|of illegal music downloading on campus which I imagine is a major- - Oh, no.
|- What? - He's back.
|- Bye.
Well, Doyle, my friend.
You're looking very, very well.
|How you been? I've been great, Logan.
|It's great to have you back.
Yeah? Well, I stayed away as long|as I could, but the "Yale Daily News " - it called to me.
|- Sure.
So, how's everything? How's the family? Everything's fine.
The family's the family.
|My desk.
Beautiful.
You know, Logan,|I actually didn't know exactly when you were coming back|and I gave out the beats.
That's fine.
|I'll take whatever one you got left over.
Actually, there's none left.
Perfect.
Just the one I wanted.
|Relax, Doyle.
I'm just here for the pretty picture|in my father's head.
I'm not going to be any trouble at all.
Logan, please.
You? Trouble? Stop.
It's just, glad to have you here.
Be careful, Doyle.
You might hurt yourself.
Better get back to work, right, boss?|Rory, nice to see you.
You know Logan?|How do you know Logan? I don't know him, I met him.
|My friend introduced us.
- So you're not friends?|- No, definitely not friends.
That guy's a real piece of work.
He took last year off|with a bunch of his friends.
He was going to sail Daddy's yacht|around the world, until he sank it.
- He sank his father's yacht?|- Right off of Fiji.
They spent six months|gallivanting and partying and God knows what-ing there, till Daddy|sent one of his planes to bring him back.
- I'm guessing his father's rich.
|- His father's Mitchum Huntzberger.
Mitchum Huntzberger,|the newspaper guy? The newspaper magnate.
The man owns at least 12 different papers.
|I spent two years kissing Logan's butt.
- Don't you mean "ass"?|- Whatever.
I guess it's time to pucker up again.
Man, I hate those kind of guys.
- What kind of guys?|- Those privileged white males.
Doyle, you're a privileged white male.
Well, he's more privileged,|and way more whiter.
Why am I talking to you?|Meg, why am I talking to Gilmore? My story.
We were picking a story.
Right.
Well, they all sound fine to me.
I think I'll go with the downloading story.
Good.
Go with your gut.
Now get to work.
Hello.
City desk.
Smitty here.
|Take this down.
I got a hot scoop on a tall blonde,|and I got to put it to bed on the double.
How do you see your position|in "American Letters?" I'm either the best or I'm not,|and I have no idea.
And, in fact, I don't even|worry about it anymore because it doesn't matter|that you think you're the best.
There are 20 of us around.
|20 American writers right now I could name them, but I won't who think they're the best|living American writer.
And I'm one of those 20.
|On the other hand I don't want to make friends|with some of those guys because they're bastards.
Okay, who is your favorite author|of all time? - So, how are we doing over here?|- We're fine.
Thank you.
Hey, you know what goes great|with iced tea? Pork tenderloin.
- Maybe later.
Thanks.
|- We have a great menu here.
I'm holding a couple as we speak.
- We're fine.
Thank you.
|- Okay.
Hey, I don't know if the waiter told you,|but today is Wednesday.
And on Wednesday, at the Dragonfly we play a little something|I like to call "stump the chef.
" Which is me.
And the way we play|is that you name any dish in the world and I will make it for you.
And if I don't know what it is,|then you get your lunch completely free.
What the devil is she talking about? Actually, could we have|some lemon for the iced tea? Lemon? Sure.
One plate of lemon, coming up.
If you change your mind,|I'll be in the kitchen you know, with the food.
I already have a ton of data,|and pages of research.
And the best thing is|Nancy, this girl on the fourth floor her father was the guy|who ran security at the gallery when Lars Ulrich sold all his art and he said he'd try to get him|on the phone for an interview and I got to breathe now.
I think that was a record.
What do you think? You think it|sounds big enough important enough? - Yes, I do.
|- I think so, too.
I feel very, very good about this, Forester.
Excellent to hear, Gilmore.
Monsignor, why is asking you|to keep your cell on vibrate during mass in case I need to|fact check a quote outrageous? Rabbi Feldman's doing it for me|on Shabbos.
And he's flying against the Talmud there.
So, when do I get to read|this story of yours? Well, I figure I'll finish a draft in time|for our date tomorrow night.
So you can have a romantic night|of proofreading.
- Pretty hot, don't you think?|- Yeah.
Listen.
I'm kidding.
You don't have to read it.
|I'll read it to you.
- I have to work tomorrow night.
|- What? - I'm sorry.
|- Since when do you work on Thursday? Since Taylor decided to try and cash in|on the 24-hour trucker crowd.
- What trucker crowd?|- The trucker crowd off Highway 84.
Since when does the trucker|crowd off Highway 84 come through Stars Hollow? - Since we installed an Icee machine.
|- Wow.
Yep.
I'm stuck here pulling the new shifts|until we see how it's catching on.
- Sounds rough.
|- Yeah.
You haven't lived until you've heard Taylor|belt out "Stand By Your Man.
" - You deserve hazard pay.
|- Already submitted for it.
So no tomorrow night.
|Bummer.
How about Saturday? Saturday, I'm here.
|What about next week? I've got Tuesday and Wednesdays off.
I have this article,|and I'm already behind on my reading.
Next weekend? Going to Maine for my grandparents'|wedding anniversary.
- Well, it was nice knowing you.
|- Way to stand by your man.
- So I guess it's week after next.
|- Yeah, I guess so.
I turn in my article on that Monday.
Monday night it is.
They say absence makes|the heart grow fonder.
- Yeah, sex can do that also.
|- Amen, brother.
Okay, I got to go.
You have to stir the nacho cheese every|20 minutes, or it forms kind of a rock.
- Go stir the cheese.
|- Call you tomorrow.
Okay.
Bye.
Did you know that priests|have a fabulous sense of humor? Just stay one lightning bolt's length|away from me at all times, please.
You want to go check out|some Mormon bingo around 5th? No, thanks.
- How's your article coming?|- Very good.
Good.
So you must've found a new|angle on it, right? Right.
New angle.
Yeah, you know, downloading stories|are everywhere, and they all say exactly the same thing.
Downloading's up.
|CD sales are down, but up from last year.
It's not hurting the music industry,|but the music industry is hurting.
It always seems like there's got|to be more to it than that but there never is.
But, you have a fresh angle, so good.
- Yeah, good.
|- Okay, I'll be back late.
If Rabbi Feldman calls,|tell him I got the stats from Edward James Olmos' office.
|So, I'm good.
- Bye.
|- Yeah, bye.
Never mind.
I see the note in pink.
- Thank you, Lorelai.
|- You're welcome.
Okay, I see a lot of growth this month.
The initial drop-off, which we all knew|was going to happen after the opening has sort of settled.
And you're doing|a good 70 to 75% occupancy which is pretty good.
Yeah, and the holidays are coming up.
We're booked solid|the last three weeks of November.
Well, that's all positive news.
So, let's just talk about the things|we can do to help till then.
- So, we need help?|- Well, yes.
Some.
It's the first year,|and you're building the business there's not a lot of profit right now.
And personally, I'd feel better if we could|lighten some of the financial load.
- Financial load?|- That sounds bad.
I could put in for overtime, and I don't.
Look, you need to get some of these|burdens off of you, for example, lunch.
- What about lunch?|- Breakfast seems to be breaking even and you're doing fine with dinner,|but lunch- - What about lunch, Ann?|- You're hemorrhaging money at lunch.
You have a full staff|for a basically empty dining room.
I think it might be a good idea|to drop lunch until you get|your occupancy rate up higher and- Drop lunch? Did she say, "Drop lunch"? Just until we get our occupancy|rates up a little higher.
- A lot higher.
|- I don't understand.
- That's the only thing we can do?|- Well- I mean,|I just think it's extremely coincidental that the only thing we can do|to save the inn is to get rid of lunch.
- I'm sure it's not the only thing.
|- I mean, lunch is my thing.
Why do we have to get rid of my thing?|Why can't we get rid of Michel's things? What things?|I stand behind a desk and answer a phone.
- What of mine can you possibly get rid of?|- The desk.
- Put the phone on the wall|- What? and write on your shoe.
|'Cause he goes through a lot of paper.
- Okay, Ann, would you just-|- It's not fair.
It's not fair that everybody|else gets to keep their thing - and I have to get rid of my lunch.
|- Ann's just trying to help.
- Ann hates me.
|- No, I don't.
Okay, Ann, how would you like to|go in the kitchen and get yourself - a cup of coffee?|- I don't hate her.
I know.
Michel, can you|get Ann some coffee? Absolutely, and then I'll go hang my phone|on the wall.
I have to tell you,|looking good is so important when you represent|the face of the company, no? I mean, I am the first thing|that a customer sees when they walk through that door.
Your suits are not a deduction, Michel.
- What are you doing?|- She's taking my lunches away.
- She's trying to help us.
|- This is all Norman Mailer's fault.
He just sits around ordering nothing,|yammering on and on.
So, he was married to Marilyn Monroe.
|Who wasn't? - That was Arthur Miller.
|- I'm going to kick him and pinch his nose.
Hey.
Get a grip, Sookie.
|We're trying to launch a business here.
- The restaurant is part of the business.
|- I know.
And cutting out lunch is not the- Temporarily cutting out lunch.
|Temporarily, Sookie.
Just until things perk up, which they will.
And when they do,|the lunches will go back, just like before.
- Sookie? Okay?|- Fine.
Just give it time.
And we're going|to leave Mr.
Mailer alone, right? Because I don't care how old he is,|he can take you.
I know.
So we're booted up, and we're searching|the network for other clients, right? And then you enter the album you want|in the search field, right? - The new Interpol.
Have you heard it?|- I think so.
Little less Joy Division this time.
More Nick Cave|got mugged by Paul Weller with some "Seventeen Seconds,"|sort of, Cure, thrown in.
But, anyway, for better quality,|you choose the file with the highest bit rate.
It's a trade-off 'cause it's a bigger file size.
The lower the bit rate, the smaller the file,|but lower quality.
Got that? - Higher, smaller.
Lower, larger.
|- Higher, larger.
Lower, smaller.
Check this out.
I can download a band's entire catalog|with the push of a button.
I can take down all 22 Chicago albums.
There's "Chicago One,"|Chicago Two, Chicago Three "Chicago Four.
" Neat, huh? Yeah, really neat.
Chicago Nine, Chicago Ten.
I hate Chicago.
Use a trombone, go to jail.
But my goal is to get it all,|from Abba to Zappa.
There's the Christmas album.
Okay, that's really fascinating stuff,|but let me ask you, do you still buy CDs? Yeah.
Anything to add to that? You heard the CD sales are up this year? Yes, I did.
Down last year.
Up this year.
Weird.
Cool! Here's a 1986 bootleg of|"Chicago live at "the Cumberland Civic Center,"|in Portland, Maine.
So, Len, tell me about when Or if - Yeah?|- I just, I lost my train of thought.
I hate that.
You know what?|I think I'm going to go get a cup of coffee.
Coffee sounds good.
|I'll be back in a minute.
I'll be here.
Didn't see you there.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
Hold on.
I get it.
You're ringing.
Howdy, ma'am.
Hold on, hold on.
- Yes.
Hi.
Hello.
|- Lor.
- Chris?|- I can't get her to stop.
- Stop what?|- Crying, screaming.
She's not hot, there's no fever,|and I can't get her to eat.
- We're talking about Gigi, right?|- Yes.
Okay, because, you know,|Sherry's really thin, so I - Are you sure she's not hot?|- No, I already checked.
I don't know what to do.
She's everywhere, she won't sit still.
She keeps climbing out of her crib,|and she's moving really fast.
Chris, honey, calm down.
Where's Sherry? She's not here.
She's out again.
When is she getting home? I don't know what to do.
|I didn't know who to call.
The nanny is not answering her pager and Sherry's friends,|they don't have kids or like kids.
- I just-|- I'll be right there.
Bye.
I owe you so big.
You look great.
How long ago did Axl Rose leave? Yeah, the place is kind of a mess.
|I tried to clean up earlier.
But she keeps climbing out of the crib.
|When she's not climbing, she's screaming.
I don't know what to do here.
I mean, I keep thinking she's hungry,|but she won't eat.
Oh, crap! There she goes again.
Come on, Gi.
|Let's go back in the crib, huh? You tell him, girlfriend.
- She hasn't slept for days.
|- I'm guessing that makes two of you.
Yeah, well.
Come on, Gi, just a little sleep, huh? - Chris, where is Sherry?|- She's away.
Come on.
Seriously, Gigi.
|$500 if you stay in there for 10 minutes.
Hold out, kid.
|You've got him on the ropes now.
- She doesn't need your help.
|- No, she doesn't.
Just come here.
Hi.
Oh, wow.
I hear strained spinach is the new pink.
|Here you go.
It's okay.
Here you go.
- That's it?|- Yeah.
- You mean, she's going to stay in there?|- Yeah.
Until her hair grows long enough|for the prince to shimmy up.
- What?|- Come on.
God, I am so sorry, Lor.
For what? I hardly ever call you or Rory,|but the minute I'm in trouble - Well, that's what we're here for.
|- Yeah.
I've been traveling so much,|then I get home to this and I didn't know what to do.
|I swear I didn't know what to do.
- Chris.
|- Yeah? - Where is Sherry?|- Sherry is in Paris.
Wow.
Lucky girl.
When does she get back? She's not.
She's I got home from Seattle,|and the nanny was here and she handed me a note.
It said that Sherry had been|offered a job in Paris and she had decided to take it.
What? She said she had put her career on hold|for almost two years.
She said I'd been gone for most|of that time, which I guess is true and she wasn't|going to let this opportunity pass.
She said it was my turn.
She was sorry,|but she had to do this for her.
- Wow.
|- Yeah.
- I'm stunned.
|- Pretty much my same reaction.
But Gigi? She just takes off on Gigi? Okay, well, you smell as good as you look.
- I haven't showered since Seattle.
|- Really? Well, I'm hot.
Okay, how about this for a plan?|You go take a shower and I will order some food,|and I'll start to clean up- - Hey, I can't do this.
|- Do what, shower? You've done it before.
You just turn the water on, and step in.
|Wait, remove clothes, then step in.
I can't raise her.
|I cannot raise her all by myself.
- Yes, you can.
|- What makes you think so? Because you have to.
Chris, she's your daughter,|and you're going to find a way.
- I did.
I did it with Rory.
|- You're different.
- Yes.
I was 16.
|- You're different.
I mean, you're special.
You're stronger.
You're like a superhero with red boots,|and a golden lasso.
It was one Halloween, Christopher.
I mean, you raised Rory all by yourself.
You had no one to help you,|and you didn't look back.
That's right.
But if I had decided to bail on Rory|and follow the Bangles around the world which is what I planned to do|until the Demerol kicked in then you would have put on the red boots|and golden lasso.
And you would have raised her,|and everything would have been fine.
Except she wouldn't have|introduced you to anyone or let you go to the parent night at school,|because you look so freaky.
- I don't know.
|- She is your daughter.
And I don't even know her.
|I've been gone so much.
- Well, welcome home, babe.
|- I don't want to screw this up, Lor.
You're not going to.
|I know you can do this, Chris.
You ever get tired|of being my cheerleader? Hey, as long as I look cute in the skirt,|I'm good to go.
Okay.
- I really need to shower.
|- Yeah.
I'll clear a path and order some food.
- Yeah, no applesauce.
|- You got it.
So, you really think I can handle this? No doubt in my mind.
Go.
I've got the crying.
Hey, Lor.
|I don't know what I'd do without you.
Yeah, you're going to find out|real soon if you don't- Take off clothes, get in shower,|turn on water.
I'm going.
Just another manic Monday Geller! - Do you see what I have here in my hand?|- I'm busy, Doyle.
Rabbi Baron says he's changed|his number twice.
Oh, please.
Father Callahan|is threatening a restraining order.
If I had a nickel.
And the Honorable|Muhammad Abdul Aziz says that you stole his flip-flops.
What a lie.
|He leaves them out in his hallway and I have told him a million|times that people suck and- - Paris!|- What? You have threatened, stalked|and basically freaked out every religious leader|within a 100-mile radius.
This paper has never|received so many complaints in the history of its existence.
|And how the hell did you get Jesse Jackson's barber's number? How? Hey, you gave me this beat to find a story,|not to kowtow and make nice and- - Geller!|- What? Way to go.
- Thanks.
|- Don't you dare give back those flip-flops.
Not a chance.
They fit perfectly.
Hey, Doyle,|I think I want to change my story.
- Yeah?|- The downloading story was a dead-end.
- There's nothing there.
|- You're telling me.
- What?|- I got bored just hearing you pitch it.
So, what do you got now? Okay, last night, I was in|one of the bathrooms over at Berkeley and this girl came in, slightly toasted.
She was wearing a full-on ball gown|with one of those plastic gorilla masks.
- Not something you see every day.
|- Exactly what I thought.
So I followed her out to the parking lot,|and she got in this fancy black SUV.
And said the phrase "in omnia paratus, "|which means "ready for anything.
" I know, I took Latin.
"QueI" impressed.
Continue.
All this seemed a little weird,|but interesting weird, you know.
So, I don't know,|maybe it's all this hanging out with a real newspaperman like yourself,|but my antenna went up.
I felt there was a story there.
|Did you catch the subtle sucking up? Caught it.
Continue.
So, I googled the phrase.
|Not quite sure what I was looking for.
But then, I found this.
|See, it links the phrase with a club here at Yale.
It's sort of a secret society,|kind of Skull and Bones kind of creepy group,|dating back to the 1800s.
This phrase was their motto.
Now, that alone, not that interesting.
|But here.
Look.
I found this in a 1996 edition|of the "Yale Daily News.
" It's an article on whether or not|this club actually exists.
A life and death brigade.
|Yeah, I know these guys.
- You do?|- No, I've heard of them.
They're apparently even more elusive|than the Skull-and-Bones crowd.
Of course they've never been linked|to masturbating in a coffin so I automatically like these guys better.
What do you know about them? Not much.
The paper's tried|to track them down before.
We've gotten a few leads But no one's ever gotten close enough|to confirm anything.
We all know they exist,|but we don't know they exist.
It's all just too, too|God, I hate those stupid clubs.
I want to do this story.
I want to find this club, track them down,|get on the inside.
- What do you think?|- Go with your gut.
You said that|about my downloading story.
Hey, you don't trust my gut.
- Finally.
|- What are you doing out here? Am I wearing the same thing|I wore last Friday night? What? Halfway here, I was struck|by the overwhelming feeling that I wore this exact outfit|to dinner last Friday night.
There's no way I'm going in there to see my mother wearing|the same thing I wore last Friday night.
Because I may not remember,|but she sure as hell will.
- I don't know.
|- You don't know? You don't remember,|but you expect me to? Well, you look at me more than|I look at me.
You sit across me at dinner.
You had more of a chance|to imprint my ensemble in your brain.
- Sorry.
No imprint.
|- That hurts.
I'm sure you don't remember|what I was wearing.
- I most certainly do.
|- Okay, what was I wearing? You were wearing a lovely|and delicately understated outfit.
- You were definitely wearing these arms.
|- Way to imprint, lady.
Stand in front of me just in case.
Hello.
Hi, we should be on the guest list.
|Halston and Liza are expecting us.
Okay, let's try it straight.
|Hi, we're here for dinner.
I'm Lorelai, the daughter.
|This is Rory, the granddaughter.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
Right this way.
She's acting weird.
She knows I'm wearing|the same outfit as last week.
- She wasn't here last week.
|- The world's small.
Maids talk.
- About you?|- Yes.
With all that's going on in the world,|all the maids in existence are talking about you.
Okay, now you're making me|seem a little stuck-up.
Can I get you a drink? - Yes, a martini, please.
|- Coke, please.
Maybe we should wait for my mother.
- Is she coming down soon?|- No.
Okay.
Do you know if she saw|what I was wearing through the window? Mrs.
Gilmore isn't here.
- She's not?|- Where is she? She's at a dinner|for the children's hospital.
So she's not going|to be here at all tonight.
No, I'm afraid not.
Okay, I guess we can just You know, we'll just go have dinner|in the pool house with Dad.
Mr.
Gilmore is out of town.
- He is?|- Till Tuesday.
We've officially become afterthoughts.
Would you like me to make you two|something for dinner? Well, since everyone's gone,|maybe I'll just head back to school.
I have a lot of work to do at the paper.
Yeah.
Okay.
That would be one option.
|Going back to school.
However, another option would be|staying here, ordering pizza and eating dinner|on the living room floor on paper plates.
You're evil.
- Would you bring us a phone book, please.
|- Right away.
- Get crazy.
|- Okay.
- Let's really live it up.
Carpe diem, baby.
|- I'm touching the rug with my feet.
You're perverse.
And when she brings the drinks,|let's not use coasters.
I wonder if there's anything in here|that we could un-alphabetize.
The rug is so soft.
You would not believe.
Would gluing everything in this room|to the ceiling so that it's in exactly the same place but upside down|be going too far? - A little.
|- So, dish? - Absolutely.
|- Sherry left your dad.
What? When? A couple of days ago.
|She got a job offer in Paris and she packed her tiny pants|in a bag and bailed.
- What about Gigi?|- Left her with Chris.
- No way.
|- Yeah.
He came home,|and the nanny handed him a letter.
I can't believe this.
|How could she just leave like that? I have no idea.
- How do you know all this?|- He called me.
- When?|- Yesterday.
He was freaking out because he couldn't|stop Gigi from crawling out of her crib.
And, you know,|I do have to hand it to him he gets extra points for the very original|duct-taping-of-the-diaper move.
- The place was a wreck.
|- You went over there? Yeah.
I calmed him down,|and we sort of got the place in order.
And I think everything's going to be okay.
I'm going to go back on Monday and|just make sure everyone's still breathing.
That's very nice of you.
Well, your dad is going to need a little help|being a dad.
I mean, because he was your dad, so no news flash here.
But you should see Gigi.
|She's huge, and gorgeous, and a belter.
Great.
Dinner is served.
It's a beautiful one-and-a-half mile hike.
There's a waterfall around this bend here.
And over here are|some of the oldest birch trees in the area.
A rare butterfly nature preserve|is off to the right here.
Excuse me.
|Michel, would you take over for me? Yes.
Of course.
Okay, so over here|by this semi-polluted brook you will find large, scary spiders and a fascinating display of poison ivy.
Luke, slow down.
I can't come now.
I'm working.
He what? Okay.
Fine.
I'm on my way.
Yes, I'm running.
|My feet are going like a cartoon character.
There are dust clouds behind me, and the|background keeps repeating itself.
Bye.
Which brings you|to the rattlesnake curve where people have actually died,|painful, but very picturesque deaths.
Lunch at the Dragonfly.
|Get your lunch at the Dragonfly.
You have not eaten lunch|till you've eaten lunch at the Dragonfly.
I mean it, Kirk, get away from here.
I am on the sidewalk, Luke.
|You do not own the sidewalk.
The sidewalk is for the common people.
The hoi polloi, the everyman.
And every man and every woman would like to have a delicious lunch|at the Dragonfly.
I'm going to call the cops.
Cops get free pie with lunch|at the Dragonfly.
Kirk, what are you doing?|You're a giant hot dog.
Technically, I'm a giant wiener.
|The costume tag says "wiener.
" Get him away from my diner.
I mean it.
Don't you worry, Lorelai.
I have no intention of abandoning my post,|and I will not rest till every single person in Stars Hollow|has tried lunch at the Dragonfly.
Kirk, I don't understand this.
I'm trying to scrounge up|a lunch crowd for you so I figured I'd go where|everybody already has lunch and get them over to you.
I'm doing a pretty good job,|if I do say so myself.
But who asked you Oh, boy.
Okay, Luke, I'm very sorry.
|This won't happen again.
Come on, Kirk.
|I'm sorry, but why a hot dog? - The Dragonfly doesn't serve hot dogs.
|- The quiche made me look fat.
- If I see him aground here again-|- You won't.
Let's go, Kirk.
This is as fast as I can go in this outfit.
Hey, Huntzberger.
- Hey, you waiting on me?|- Could be.
- Well, I'm flattered.
|- Your prerogative.
You here on business or pleasure? I just thought maybe I'd give you a chance|to respond to my article.
What article? The article I'm doing on|the Life and Death Brigade.
Don't really know|what you're talking about.
You don't? I thought you would.
It's a club.
One of these super secret,|super exclusive clubs here at Yale.
Membership spans a thousand centuries.
|Secret handshakes, and secret sayings a lot of running around in a circle|in your underwear.
- That kind of thing.
|- Sounds pretty secret.
Yeah, anyhow, I'm doing, sort of,|an exposé on this one particular club and I figured since you're in it maybe you'd like to have|your point of view included.
- I'm in it?|- Well, aren't you? I have yet to run around in a circle|in my underwear.
Well, okay.
I mean, I have proof that|your grandfather was in it which means that your father was in it,|which should mean that you're in it.
- But maybe not.
Okay.
|- Sorry to let you down.
No letdown.
It would have been nice but I have plenty of stuff without you,|and I'm sorry to have bothered you.
You got plenty without me, huh? Yeah, I have the ball gowns,|the girl in the gorilla mask In Omnia Paratus.
|Very fancy catchphrase, by the way.
The license plate on the black SUV,|and about a dozen other little things.
I mean, getting an interview|with an actual member would have been great,|but I'm okay without it.
- Great.
|- Yep.
Plus, I'm completely onto|your routine now.
- Wow.
|- Yeah.
So I figure I'll just track you and you'll eventually lead me|there anyway.
So, hey, it would be easier|if you would have talked to me now but I can do it the other way if you want.
- The other way?|- Yes.
- With you tracking me?|- Yes.
- Following my every move?|- Yeah.
- I pick that way.
|- Okay, but- We can start right now.
|I'm heading back to my room.
I'll keep the window open|in case you feel the need to sneak in and track me from the inside.
- Thanks for the info.
|- Absolutely.
And, hey, good luck with that article.
|Sounds like hell of a scoop.
Sookie, what was the first thing|we agreed on when we opened the inn? - What?|- Keep Kirk away from the business.
Then I get a call from a not so jolly Luke|and I run down there and I find a giant hot dog|handing out 10% off flyers for lunch at the Dragonfly.
- Who was the giant hot dog?|- Kirk was the giant hot dog.
I didn't tell him to dress|like a giant hot dog.
- Why would he dress like a giant hot dog?|- Because it's Kirk.
Sookie, the giant hot dog suit|was a given the minute you talked to Kirk.
I don't understand|what you were thinking.
I was thinking we needed to drum up|some lunch business.
- But there is no lunch.
|- Since when? Since when?|Sookie, we all agreed.
Ann said- I did not agree.
I did not agree to stop serving lunch.
Sookie, come on.
|It's the only thing we can do.
We have to.
You heard Ann,|we can't afford this.
- Who's all this food for?|- All we need is a little time.
And the people are going to come.
And I paid Kirk out of my own money,|by the way so you don't have to worry about that.
I'm worried about this.
- What?|- What are we doing with all this food? Who's going to eat it? Why are there|seven kitchen people working when the only person out there|is Norman Mailer? - Hey, this is what I do.
|- Sookie, we're dropping lunch.
It's just temporary, but as of now,|I'm sorry, it's gone.
Fine.
No lunch.
From now on, there's no lunch.
Everybody stop what you're doing,|because as of now, there's no more lunch.
Boys, sorry to break up the party,|but as of now, there's no more lunch.
It's been canceled.
You happy, Norman Mailer?|Lunch has been canceled.
That means no more iced teas.
|No more lemon slices.
No more hanging out at a restaurant,|ordering nothing because you're Norman Mailer|and you can.
It's just like me coming into a bookstore,|and reading your books without buying them.
Can I borrow this? I'm not going to pay for it.
|Just stand here and read.
Yeah.
Someone sure likes|to use his big words.
Can I get some more iced tea|for the table? Excuse me, Mr.
Mailer.
I'm terribly sorry.
What? Yeah, write that down.
- What?|- This is his fault.
It is not his fault.
He takes up space, he drinks iced tea,|he scares the other people off.
He does not.
|Why are you being so nutty about this? I don't know why|I'm getting so nutty about this.
I mean, I hear myself getting nutty.
And I know that there's no one|coming for lunch.
And I know that Norman Mailer's|not responsible for no one coming for lunch.
And I tell myself it's just temporary,|and there's still dinner and breakfast.
And that's good,|and I can do a lot with that.
And I try to calm myself down,|and that just only seems to make me crazier.
All I want to do is cry and scream and - Oh, my God, I'm pregnant.
|- You're pregnant? I'm pregnant.
Norman Mailer, I'm pregnant.
Congratulations.
- Hey, you okay?|- Yeah.
I think I had some bad host|at one of the masses yesterday.
Hey.
- Is the hot dog with you?|- No.
Kirk is at home.
- Good.
Make sure he stays there.
|- I will.
So, you still mad at me? - Nope.
|- You seem mad.
Not mad, just bugged.
Luke, I swear, Kirk will never bother|your business on our behalf again.
- It's not that.
|- What then? I got this table of bozos|sitting over there all day long ordering nothing but iced tea.
Why don't we focus on writing? I knew you'd come up|with a question like that.
It's like, why don't you push|my Cadillac for me? Bummer.
Rory, hey, what are you doing here? Here.
It's good to see you, kiddo.
Come on in.
Sit down.
Gigi is asleep, which is basically a miracle,|but what the hell for you, I'll wake her up.
- No, it's okay, I can't stay long.
|- Well, come sit down.
No, I can't stay.
- Okay.
|- I don't want you calling Mom anymore.
- What?|- I want you to stay away from her.
Rory- Mom's in a relationship now,|and she's doing really great.
He's kind and|Well, he's there, and she's happy.
I think that's great, Rory, I- You'll mess it up.
|You'll mess everything up.
Because every time you come back,|it always ends up the same way.
Mom's crying, and you're not being there.
|I know it's not your fault.
I know you don't mean it to be that way,|but that's how it is.
I just needed some help, that's all.
Next time you need help,|call a nanny, or a babysitter or call me, just leave Mom alone.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
Kiss Gigi for me.
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