iCarly s05e06 Episode Script

Christopher Cane presents: An evening with iCarly.
Good evening and thank you for inviting me into your living rooms.
Of course, my name is Christopher Cane.
On the television show Victorious, I play the role of Rex, alongside my bumbling sidekick, Robbie.
My popularity is undeniable, as evidenced by my two golden globe nominations.
Thank you.
Tonight, I will be interviewing the cast.
And showing bloopers from iCarly, a show I've never seen, but apparently, is wildly popular.
You may not know this, but I, Christopher Cane, almost auditioned for iCarly.
Let's have a look.
Okay, why don't you go ahead and slate for us.
Christopher Cane.
Rage talent.
Auditioning for the role of Spencer on iCarly.
Great.
Are you ready? Yes.
I read the script last night.
- Awesome.
- Is it supposed to be funny? Why don't you just read The Scene? No.
I don't think I'm interested in playing this role.
Okay, fine.
Who's auditioning next? Uh, Jerry Trainor.
Jerry Trainor? I hope you enjoy scream-acting.
Please leave.
Could I get this validated? Hey everyone!!! By turning down the role of Spencer, I was able to spend that summer with my wife deedee.
Who disgusts me.
And now, my first guest.
She stars as Carly's best friend and quintessential sass-pot, Sam Puckett.
Please welcome a girl who's clearly to my right.
Jennette McCurdy.
Hey Christopher.
That's cool to be here.
Oh, you like salsa? It called "christopher cane's salsa.
" It tastes good.
- Let's give Jennette a jar of my salsa.
- We don't have any.
Wait.
We don't have one here? Really? No one has a jar of my salsa here?! Apple juice? Oh no, nothing.
I'm good.
Then what do you want? Well you know, you could interview me.
- About what? - iCarly? - I'm on Victorious.
- Yeah, yeah.
Awesome show.
Yes.
We were nominated for an emmy.
I know.
So was iCarly.
Oh, we have my salsa now? Good, bring it in.
Um well, what am I supposed to do this? Look into the x-camera and say: "Christopher cane's salsa rocks my mouth.
" I-I-I really don't feel comfortable doing that.
Ryan seacrest said it.
He ate the whole jar.
Okay.
Are you saying you're better than Ryan seacrest? I never said I was better than Look into the x-camera and say it.
Fine! Christopher Cane's salsa rocks my mouth.
Try it with more enthusiasm.
No.
I said it.
Now let's just watch my bloopers, okay? You're very pushy, but all right.
What do they put in this lasagna to make it so What? No, my quesadillas! - The mart guy from the smoothie? - Yeah.
Cut.
Oh cheese Cut.
In five, four, three, two.
- Yep! - Shut up! - Hold.
- Are you okay? - Oh yeah, that was awesome.
- A foot, there.
Boogita boogita boogita.
- I told you I could do it.
- I can do it better than you.
My moustache is danglin' from my face.
It's like Sorry Sam loves Freddie.
Sam loves Freddie.
- Carly - Sam loves Freddie.
I'm good.
Ahh so should we.
.
Talk more about my role on iCarly? No.
Off you go.
Now.
If you are exciting about seeing a good guest tonight, you'll have to wait a bit longer.
Because up next is Nathan Kress.
He plays Who is he? - Plays Freddie on iCarly.
- Oh.
He's the boy.
Yes, sir.
Please give some gratuitous applause for Nathan Kress.
Hey! Thanks Christopher, thanks for asking me to be on your show.
I didn't ask you.
My associate producer asked you then she was fired.
Uhh I see.
Apple juice? - No.
Thanks.
- Let's talk salsa.
What does salse have to do with my work on iCarly? Good nuts, man.
The entire world doesn't revolve around you, now, does it? Well, no but Ooh, I'm Nathan Kress.
iCarly iCarly iCarly iCarly blah blah blah.
- Look, I don't see why you're hav - Salsa! Okay.
What am I supposed to do with this jar of "christopher cane salsa"? Hold it up to your face.
- All right, but why do you want - Now.
Over here, Nathan Nathan, over here.
Smile, Nathan.
- Over here.
- Smile, Nathan.
Tweet those pics and post them on my website.
Can we just roll my blooper package? What? Oh.
Whatever.
In here Mrs.
Benson.
I'm not your mother.
I'm her mother.
- That's right.
- Mrs.
Puckett! - Sorry.
- Hey, mom.
Way to blow it!!! I was gonna suggest mis - .
- hold.
If it stops transmitting and triggers an emergency distressing on my Cut! And as the victims of her crime, you may attend a Yeah, but there we can.
Hold but he took your.
Do it again.
But he took your phone.
- Try it again.
- Why do I keep doing that?! - Why? - That's what we want to know! No, you weren't supposed to come to me, yet.
What's going on? - Interesting bloopers.
- Thanks.
What show are they from? iCarly.
- Well security! - Secur? - Well no no no - Come on.
What's going am I done? Okay wait wait wait.
Hang on I'm not even sure who that was.
My next guest is both well-known and unappealing.
He plays the role of Spencer Shay with all the subtlety of a wild monkey.
Before he played Spencer, you may have seen him in the men's room at the burbank airport where he cleaned the urinals.
Here he is now.
Jerry Trainor.
I never cleaned urinals at the airport.
I never cleaned the urinals at the airport.
- Is that why you got fired? - I didn't get fire Okay, I get it You're just upset 'cause I'm dating Stephanie now.
Alright.
Let me explain this to the audience so they follow along.
I used to date a girl named Stephanie when she was in her prime.
After I was finished with her, she and Jerry started dating.
Yeah, and she's a great girl.
Yes.
I have some used *** I don't want anymore.
Perhaps you'd like to have those too.
- Hey! Look - Now, now, let's be friendly.
- Apple juice? - No.
Dose Stephanie still make that cute snoring sound when she's.
Stop talking about Stephanie.
Does she still talk about me? Hey, I thought I was here to be interviewed about iCarly.
And for you to show a bunch of my bloopers from the show Stephanie's mother still emails me.
Dude.
She says Stephanie was at her happiest when she was with me.
Show my bloopers.
Let us pivot our heads.
Hey.
I'm Spencer Shay.
I know we just met but I drank a double I can't talk.
Hey.
You guys are doing the cowboy and the idiot farm girl and the things That's the one.
You guys are doing the cowboy and the idiot farm girl I can't even get out "girl," now.
Cut! You got change for a lead pipe?! It's a steel pipe.
Is it? So if your mom rents the room to T-Bo then he'll have a place to stay, your mom's got some extra money comin' in every money month Hold.
Money month? Hey! Who's ready to see the tr Hey, hey, hey!! - Who's I want - Jerry?! Come on, Marty.
Let's go look for my money - in my dirty clothes.
- Try that line again.
Come on, Marty.
Let's go look for money through my son of a But they showed me Ha! - Hey! - I hate you! - I hate you so much.
- Sorry.
Let's really try and impress the big cheese on this take! You do a great job, Jerry.
I literally can't see anything in these goggles.
And here's a pic of Stephanie and me in Hawaii.
And here you see Stephanie and me gazing at the sunset.
Here we are together in the emergency room at the Hey! Why are you showing pictures of you and my girlfriend? Here's one of Stephanie and me in a hot tub.
Victorious was nominated for an emmy.
So was iCarly.
Watch a few commercials.
Then we'll be right back with more stars from iCarly.
Including T-Bo, Miranda Cosgrove.
And the only one I really care about: the lovable Gibby.
Buy my salsa!!! I'm Christopher Cane and I'm back with a fresh glass of apple juice.
Tonight, I'm interviewing the stars of iCarly.
So far we've met Jennette McCurdy, Nathan Kress, and the guy who plays the stupid brother.
But don't fret.
Because now we're going to meet someone worthy of being on the show.
Ladies and gentleman, I present you.
America's gift to comedy: Gibby.
- Great to be here, Christopher.
- It's beyond great.
You know, in the history of the show, I've only been nervous to meet three guests: Paul mccartney, Gary busey, and now, Gibby.
Why were you nervous to meet Gary busey? Have you seen Gary busey? He's like a wild lion **.
But you're Gibby.
Actually my real name is Noah.
I like calling you Gibby.
Hey, whatever bakes your potato.
Bakes your potato.
And that was off the cuff.
- Genius.
- Ah, I'm just a dude.
No.
You're the dude.
- Would you like some apple juice? - Nah.
I'm good.
Do you like me? Yeah.
Sure.
You seem cool.
So we could be friends? Sure, why not? Yes! Wait, let me clarify.
You're saying you and I can socialize, text message each other, watch a ball game together? - Yeah.
I guess.
- Will you read to me? Well.
Let's uh let's do that later.
- It's a date.
- Great.
So, uh, can we watch my bloopers from iCarly? What Gibby wants, Gibby gets.
Roll Gibby's bloopers! Gibbeh.
Gibbeh.
Gibbeh.
Gibbeh.
I'm going to show you some photos.
I recommend the Boston grove.
- Sorry about that.
- Cut! Try it.
- Here.
Draw face on this grapefruit.
- No! There's already a face on that grapefruit.
And now watch as I whi That was the trick Wow! They're having a big sale at bil sorry.
- So you'll do something for me in return? - That seems fair That seems fair.
Me, I'll do anything.
I'm sorry.
Jerry, please stop.
- It's on, now.
- I just called you out.
I'm just playing no, you're not.
Oh my God.
You know what you're doing.
Gibbeh.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, my God, those were hilarious.
Ohhh.
Ohhh.
Wow.
You really like bloopers.
Your bloopers.
I really like yours.
- Well ok.
- Do you enjoy puzzles? Puzzles? Uh, yeah they can be fun.
Perfect.
I have a huge puzzle at home, like a thousand pieces.
I haven't even started it.
We'll put it all together ourselves.
Just the two of us, puzzling the night away.
Listen, I should probably go.
Ladies and gentlemen, one last time.
Give it up for my dear friend Gibby!!! Ohhhhh, I miss him already.
I don't know what it is about Gibby.
He's just got it.
In fact, I think I'm going to speak to my Agent about he and I doing a movie together.
Perhaps a body comedy with a sports theme.
I mean, as adults, why are we wasting our time on nickelodeon - when Gibby and I could be out - Uh, Christopher? What are you? - I'm boogie.
- What? - I play T-Bo on iCarly.
- Oh You're an actor on the show? Yeah.
My character runs grovy smoothie.
So, people would know you if they saw you? Uh-huh.
I can recognize the lie.
Salsa.
What's this? Just hold up the jar, look into the x-camera, and say: Christopher Cane's salsa rocks my mouth.
All right.
Christopher Cane's salsa rocks my mouth.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
Wait.
I thought we're gonna watch my bloopers? Security? All right, let's go.
They said we were gonna see my bloopers.
All right then.
If you watch iCarly then you may have noticed my next guest.
She's an actress.
She has brown hair.
Enjoys toast.
Sometimes wears embarrassing hats.
Now please applaud with both hands for Miranda cosmoofs.
Actually, my last name is Cosgrove.
Look, sweetheart, we have three minutes to do this.
You really wanna waste time debating your last name? No, sorry.
So, you know Gibby.
Yeah.
Well his real name is Noah Munck.
Do you think he'd take me sailing? - I don't know - Imagine it.
Imagine it: Gibby and me on a 30-foot catamaran, wind blowing through our hair.
So, being on iCarly is really fun.
Oh yes.
Which of your fellow cast members do you hate the most.
What? Is this Jerry? Do you hate Jerry Trainor? No I love Jerry.
We all get along really well.
That's so interesting.
I hear you dated Johnny Depp.
- No.
- Are you sad that he dumped you? - I never dated him.
- Salsa.
Hold that jar up, look into the x-camera and say: Christopher Cane's salsa rocks my mouth.
Why, what's this for? Charity.
You swear this is for charity? Do you want to see your bloopers or don't you? Well, yeah.
- Then do as I instructed.
- Okay! Cue the music.
Christopher Cane's salsa rocks my mouth.
You all heard it.
Johnny Depp's ex-girlfriend said she likes my salsa.
So go buy it.
I never dated Johnny Let's take a look at some hilarious bloopers.
Christopher Cane's salsa Christopher Cane's salsa Christopher Cane's salsa rocks my mouth.
R-r-r-r-ocks my mouth.
I said it.
Christopher Cane's salsa rocks my mouth.
Rocks my mouth.
These aren't my bloopers.
You know, you was so adorable on Drake and Josh.
Oh Thanks.
What happened? Just show my bloopers, okay? My, what a temper you have.
I see why Johnny Depp dumped you.
Let's view Miranda's bloopers.
Well.
Ah I don't wish to overstay my welcome.
- Goodnight.
- My hand's stuck to my Somebody helps me! I'm just Sam and Freddie have been calling me, like, ten times a day Sorry.
That was weird.
I don't know what I just did.
How did this happen? You guys have sorry - Cut! - Happen.
- Isn't it crazy.
- How did it happen? Is this a new Portion of our lives? What's going on here? Portion.
A new portion.
Sorry.
You know how the show goes.
We say stupid stuff and do What'd I just say? Stupid stuff.
What? But? But Cut! I'm so crazy, I'm sorry.
No! I'm not putting it on!! - How could you not know what it means? - I do know what it means.
It means "wo bu zhidao!" Which was insane.
Sorry.
It looks like a crap, doesn't it? A crap? A crap! She calls a *** crap.
It looks she goes, - it looks like a crap.
- And I said "crep!" - No no no, a ***.
- It's a french ***.
- I'm back! - Get her!! Hey! Alright, go! Go! What are you doing? Well, the show is over.
I thank you all for joining me in this behind-the-scenes look into the interworkings of the television show iCarly.
And now, as you might hear my alter ego, Rex, say on the show: C'mon, man.
Let's go to northridge.
Goodnight.