Jane the Virgin (2014) s05e06 Episode Script
Chapter Eighty-Seven
1 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: All righty, friends and foes, You recall Jane was in the middle of a classic love triangle.
On one side, her ex-husband Michael came back from the dead.
I still love you, Jane.
NARRATOR: On the other, ex-boyfriend, baby daddy Rafael.
RAFAEL: All I want is to put this ring on your finger.
NARRATOR: And our poor Jane, well, she was wrecked, and she realized I can't just dismiss how I feel about Michael.
NARRATOR: Which, seemingly, sent our Rafael down a dark path.
Also in a tricky situation, Alba.
See, she married Jorge so he could get his green card.
Only, she still had feelings for him.
Oh, and Petra and J.
R.
seemed like they were headed for a breakup, too.
- Please! - I gave up everything for you.
It was all a lie! NARRATOR: But they fought their way back to each other, not that they were home free.
I didn't e-mail Milos.
It's right here, Petra, how you said you won't testify against him if he gives you the hotel.
What are you talking about? - I didn't write this.
- It's from your account.
NARRATOR: I know! Straight out of a telenovela, right? Well, imagine this.
Rose, aka Sin Rostro, was the one who faked Michael's death and wiped his memories.
Tell me why you did it.
ROSE: I had my Eileen face on, and my phone fell.
And as we both bent down to pick it up, my mask came unglued.
I don't believe you.
I think it has something to do with this number.
So you're working with the police now.
Tell them there's no chance in hell they'll ever figure out what that number is.
NARRATOR: Yikes! Who knows what she's up to.
Well, I do, but I can't tell you yet.
When Jane Gloriana Villanueva was 25 years old, she said good-bye to Michael Cordero Jr.
For the last time I love you.
NARRATOR: Or so she thought.
Michael! I am so proud of you.
NARRATOR: And, friends, that good-bye was a moment that Jane replayed in her head over and over and over XIOMARA: Enough.
You can't keep looking at old pictures of Michael.
Call him.
I want to.
I-I-I'm trying.
But every time I think I'm ready, I think about my family, and how much I love Rafael.
Who doesn't want to see you now.
Because of my feelings for Michael.
Exactly.
You have them, so call.
What's going on? BOTH: What? (WHISPERING): Sexy NARRATOR: Sorry.
Let me show you what Alba sees.
Oh, who am I kidding? It's not even sexy in slow motion.
Ma! Uh, we were talking about something really important.
Agreed.
- Start slow.
- There is no slow.
If I open the door, the floodwaters will rush in.
It is not a floodgate, it's just a text.
Send it.
Okay.
Fine.
Fine.
"Hi.
" (SHOUTS) (CELL PHONE BUZZING) I told you it wasn't just a text! He's already calling me back! Answer it.
(GROANS) - Hi, hey.
- MICHAEL: Hey.
Do you have any time this afternoon? Um, can you hang on a second? Now what? He wants to hang out.
Uh, you think that's gonna be casual? I mean, what are we supposed to talk about? The weather? Oh, or how about the fact that I'm living at home again because Rafael kicked me out of the house because I had to explore things with Michael even though I don't know what that means? A-And how is that even possible? What am I supposed to do? Huh? Put on my wedding lingerie and say, "Welcome back, to this.
" Take a deep breath and calm down.
Just grab some coffee with him.
Decaf.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
NARRATOR: Ooh, she hit "speaker, "not "mute.
" Michael? Hi.
Yeah, coffee sounds good.
MICHAEL: But that's not why I was calling.
DENNIS: We think Rose lied about the reason she gave Michael amnesia.
She said she bumped into me as Eileen NARRATOR: You remember Eileen, right? Rose only with this mask.
And she said I saw her mask, but I didn't.
I mean I would remember seeing a mask peel off.
So why do you think she did it? We don't know, but we think it has something to do with this number I wrote down in my notes.
It's a sequence she typed over and over.
And before I died, I'd been focused on it 'cause it came up so much in Susanna's keystroke log.
NARRATOR: You remember Susanna, right? Rose only with this mask.
Oops, my bad, that's Shelly.
Sorry, Rose had a lot of masks.
Here's Susanna.
Oh, wow.
I I can't believe you were still investigating Rose after you left the force.
Oh, just occasionally.
I mean, the woman's a monster and she was still out there.
(GUNSHOT) (GASPS) Oh, my God, Michael! The thing is, I've been going through my memories a thousand times of that day, and it's all pretty fuzzy.
Unfortunately, memories are notoriously unreliable.
NARRATOR: I think I said something like that once, but I can't quite remember.
Anyway, uh, Dennis suggested we walk through the day together.
See if any details come back.
Yeah, okay, sure.
So you and Rafael broke up? I don't want to talk about that with you.
Okay.
That's fine.
I'm I'm sorry.
I'm just confused, as you obviously heard.
No, I get it.
Let's just walk through the day, then.
Great.
Uh I remember everything exactly.
Uh, we said good-bye in the doorway of our old apartment.
I had given you a lunchbox with a policeman on it, and then I said Michael! I am so proud of you.
(MICHAEL LAUGHING) - What's so funny? - Oh I can't believe I brought a lunchbox to the LSATs.
It was sweet.
Oh, I know, of course it was.
It's just weird to think about now.
You know, the guys at the ranch would hog-tie me and throw me in the pigsty if they found out that I brought a lunchbox to work.
(CHUCKLES) Right.
(CHUCKLES) It's just hard to laugh since the lunchbox is tied to the last words I ever said to you before you supposedly died.
Right.
I'm sorry.
But actually, those weren't the last words you said to me.
(CHUCKLES) Trust me, I replayed that moment over and over.
No.
I remember.
You said I am so proud of you.
MICHAEL: And then I turned back.
Oh, your gas tank's on empty, so don't forget to fill it up before your meeting with Chloe.
Thanks.
Now hurry up and go.
Oh, my God.
I I can't believe I forgot about that.
And then I sent you a final "good luck" e-mail while I was pumping gas, and you never responded.
I definitely replied.
No, you didn't.
If you sent that e-mail, I would've read it obsessively for the last four years.
No, I-I know I sent that.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Uh, hello? Okay, I-I'm sorry.
I'm on my way.
It's Mateo's karate dojo.
Rafael didn't show up to pick him up.
I have to go.
Rafael? Shoot, they called you? I'm sorry.
I-I messed up.
Is everything okay? I'm fine.
NARRATOR: Oh, friends.
How Jane wanted to reach out and touch him right then, but alas, everything had changed.
Just have a lot of stuff going on at the office.
In fact, since you're here, do you mind just taking Mateo and the girls? I should got to get back to work.
Yeah, no problem.
How was karate practice? Good, I'm amazing! - Do it.
- Ask her.
Ask me what? What are drugs? Excuse me? I saw Daddy taking pills, and Ellie and Anna said he's on drugs.
NARRATOR: As you'll recall, we last left Jane with a very simple question JANE: What are drugs? Uh Well, drugs are a very bad thing, and something you should never, ever take.
And also, Daddy is not taking drugs, so don't worry about that.
Yes, he is.
He's got a real pill problem.
What? No, he doesn't.
But what-what makes you say that? We saw him take them.
Grown-ups take a lot of pills.
Vitamins and aspirin These are different.
Daddy always takes his pills in secret and keeps them on the top shelf of the bathroom cabinet where we can't reach them.
They're probably benzos.
What? Mommy left the parental controls off the iPad last week, and we watched a lot of inappropriate shows.
We know all about the opioid crisis, too.
Well, good for you, and that has nothing to do with your dad.
We need to talk.
Fine.
Make it quick.
I'm preparing for a meeting with a computer security expert to get to the bottom of the weird e-mails coming from my account.
Preparing by looking at the IT guy's vacation photos? If you must know, the computer security expert is J.
R.
's close friend, Leona.
NARRATOR: Ah, IT gal.
I've never met any of J.
R.
's friends before, so I'm just doing a little research.
Got it.
Well, um, I wanted to talk to you about something serious, but honestly I don't even know how to say it, but Spit it out, Jane.
Right.
Sorry.
I'm just I'm worried about Rafael, and I want to talk to him and be there for him, and obviously I can't, but I think he might be in a really dark place.
Of course he's in a dark place.
You dumped him.
The kids think he's on drugs.
- What? - The twins saw him taking pills in secret.
Apparently, Mateo did, too.
So can you please talk to him? You're probably overreacting, like you always do.
Sorry, did I do something to offend you? I'll talk to Rafael and figure out what's going on.
Now, go.
J.
R.
's coming by and if she sees you, she'll be in a bad mood.
Rafael, hey, it's me, um Just hoping to talk when you get a minute.
ROGELIO: Talk dirty to me, baby.
Tell me how much you want the carnal gift of Rogelio.
So, so much.
(CHUCKLES) It's been too long.
Way too long.
(XIOMARA CHUCKLES) (EXHALES) Oh, but you're sexier than ever.
- Mm-hmm? - And, uh Oh, my God.
Your penis got even bigger.
(XIOMARA LAUGHS) (GASPS) Oh, sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
(GASPS) (GASPS) (EXHALES) It's no big deal.
Masturbation is normal.
It's just that I really miss making love to you.
But I don't want to pressure you before you're ready.
I get it.
It's fine.
NARRATOR: Yeah, don't beat yourself um, up about it, Rogelio.
And I miss our sex life, too.
And I want it back.
You do? But, I just haven't really felt like it.
A-After everything my body's been through this year.
But maybe it's time we try.
What about tonight? We could go out on a date and then I'm in.
Metaphorically.
And also, hopefully, literally.
LEONA: You're screwed.
- What do you mean? - Well, your anti-virus program is ancient; pretty much any experienced hacker could just spoof your IP address.
(SCOFFS) Of course.
See? It's Milos.
(SCOFFS) I filed an injunction against him to regain control of the hotel.
He's obviously retaliating.
Can you secure it? - Yeah, no problem.
- Mm.
Okay, perfect, thank you.
Well, take that, Genius Bar.
(LAUGHS) By the way, I really dig your ink.
Thanks.
Do you have a go-to artist or anything? I-I'm considering getting one of my own.
Really? Of what? Uh, butterfly? Lower back.
I love that idea.
Thanks, Leona.
You should go.
I should get going, too.
I have to go to the, uh, animal shelter.
What are you talking about? Oh, I was, um, thinking of using the security breach as an excuse to get the girls a dog.
They've been asking.
I'm a big fan of dogs.
Rescues only, obviously.
- You are? - Yes.
Have you been stalking me on Instagram? RAMOS: Down, lioness.
Petra was obviously just curious about my good friend.
My apologies.
Best of luck with the rescue dog.
- I'll see you at Truck Shop tomorrow? - Um, we'll see.
Uh-huh.
Wow, she hated me.
She didn't hate you.
That much.
Next time just play it more low-key.
Make your creepy, stalker hints more subtle.
Next time when? Leona blatantly didn't invite me to the truck shop tomorrow.
She's not really hanging out at a truck shop, right? (CHUCKLES) No.
It's a gay club.
And she didn't invite you 'cause, well you don't exactly look like the club type.
What does that mean? You're too posh for the club scene.
I am not, I love nightclubs.
NARRATOR: Yep, nightclubs and rescue dogs.
Petra's favorites.
Okay, look I want to try getting to know your life more.
Leona's important to you.
So she's important to me, too.
(SIGHS) Okay.
Come.
Yeah.
JANE: I don't have a good feeling about this.
I want to help, but digging into the past is bringing up all these memories from when Michael was investigating Rose and got shot on our wedding night.
(SIGHS LUSTFULLY) - Abuela.
- Ay! No, Michael definitely didn't write it.
I definitely wrote it.
I just can't remember my password.
I tried everything I could think of.
Try M-L-J-T-M-5-1-9.
Five, one, nine.
Good memory.
Well, it stands for Michael Loves Jane The Mostest.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, wow.
And 5/19 is our wedding anniversary.
(CHUCKLES) What? Nothing, it's just, I was a lot sappier than I remember.
You weren't sappy.
You were romantic.
I'm sorry.
Didn't mean it like that.
- It's definitely romantic.
- Can you just please find the e-mail that you claim to have sent? I know I wrote it.
Okay, here it is.
You wrote, "All gassed up, good luck.
" And I wrote Oh, wow.
I never sent it.
It's been in my draft folder all these years.
- Why didn't you send it? - I don't know.
I remember being in line, writing it.
Oh, it was right when I bumped into Eileen.
I bent down, picked up her stuff and I saw something; I know I saw something, I just can't remember what it was.
Can we go to the coffee shop tomorrow, see if it helps? Michael, do you see that car? It circled twice before it parked.
Okay.
Isn't that suspicious? I don't think so; he's probably just looking for a spot.
Yeah, okay.
Probably right.
NARRATOR: Also suspicious? Are you on drugs? Nice to see you, too.
Why is your apartment such a mess? Because I have three kids and no maid service.
Why are you here? Jane's concerned about you.
I don't want to talk about Jane.
I'm concerned, too.
So tell me what's going on.
NARRATOR: Oh, my God.
What? Nothing.
(STAMMERS) I've never seen you wear jeans before.
What's the occasion? Well, if you must know, I have a very important event at the Truck Shop, I'm breaking them in.
You're going to a truck shop? (SCOFFS) It's not a truck shop.
It's a lesbian hotspot which you obviously know nothing about.
Oh, well.
The jeans look nice.
If Jane likes them, they're wrong.
Get me a new pair.
Actually, let me try those on.
But these are my favorite jeans.
I've had them since high school.
Perfect; so they're already broken in.
Now go take them off.
I spoke to Rafael, you can relax.
I'm handling it.
So there's something to handle? I need to get back to work.
So do you.
I-If there's something going on with Rafael, I-I need to know before I let Mateo stay with him.
Mateo will be fine.
I also have children with Rafael, remember? (STAMMERING): Okay okay.
What is going on? Why are you acting like this? (GASPS) Am I not giving you enough attention again? Oh, please.
I'm just looking out for Rafael, okay? If he wanted you to know what's going on, he'd tell you.
So mind your own business.
NARRATOR: Also getting a smackdown? (SMACK) (YELPS) (GIGGLES) (SIGHS) Thank you, Rogelio, for doing all of this.
It's very romantic.
You ain't seen nothing yet, Mrs.
De la Vega.
(GIGGLES) Ah NARRATOR: This is going very well.
Perhaps we should give them a minute.
I'm sorry, uh I'm just not feeling it.
XIOMARA: And I haven't since chemo.
I thought my sex drive would be back by now.
And mentally, I feel ready.
But physically Well, that's another story.
You're most likely experiencing chemo-induced menopause, which can affect everything from hormone levels to your physiological response to stimulus.
Menopause? But I'm only in my 40s.
It's a good thing; the lower your estrogen levels, the lower your chances of relapse.
Okay, so when do you think my sex drive will come back? It's different for everyone.
- But it will.
- I'm sorry.
I just can't say with any certainty.
Let's just focus on the good part.
Menopause reduces the risk of the cancer coming back.
And that's all we want.
The muffin was dry.
Okay, good.
Do you remember anything else? No.
Nothing.
BARISTA: Jane.
MALE BARISTA: Eileen.
(GASPS) Oh, I'm so sorry.
It's my fault.
Let me get that.
Here you go, Buttercup.
(CHUCKLES) Sorry.
Eileen.
- I know why Rose gave me amnesia.
- NARRATOR: I do, too! - What? Why? - Eileen was a stranger to me, so I didn't think anything of it at the time, but the website I saw on her phone, the username was "Buttercup.
" NARRATOR: Like in The Princess Bride.
- No, I know, he's telling it.
- I don't follow.
Dread Pirate Roberts was the alias of the guy who created the online Silk Road, which is basically the eBay of vice.
People can seek out anything from hit men to drug dealers.
Dread Pirate Roberts was the hero in The Princess Bride and Buttercup was the heroine.
NARRATOR: Rose always did love a good play on words.
So you think this website is her version of the Silk Road? Username Buttercup.
And the keystroke I found must be the password.
Dennis, call me.
It's important.
Oh, my God.
That's the car.
Th-The same one that was circling the block by my house, we are definitely being followed.
I'm sure it isn't.
Think about it: Rose almost killed you twice and now you're running around investigating her again? You don't think it's possible that she would send someone after you? You're right; we got to move.
Now.
I texted Dennis.
We should wait here for him.
You okay? No, I'm scared.
Like I was four years ago.
And mad? Because of four years ago? God.
NARRATOR: Whoa.
Too much baggage.
I can't believe you were still investigating Rose back then.
What did you expect me to do? I was a cop.
No, you weren't.
You'd given it up.
At least that's what I thought, - I guess you were lying to me.
- I had to.
I knew how much you hated it.
Hell, that's why I quit.
No, you left because you were unhappy on desk duty.
Yeah, that definitely was a part of it, but the bigger part was I knew how freaked out you were by me being a cop.
So I stopped.
You're saying I'm the reason you gave up your career? (DOOR OPENS) (JANE GASPS) (SIGHS): Oh Sorry to scare you guys.
We've been keeping a protective detail on you out of an abundance of caution.
That was my guy you saw out there.
NARRATOR: A heads-up would've been nice.
But the good news is, we haven't seen anything out of the ordinary.
You're safe.
Oh.
Yeah.
Can you just give us a minute, please? Yeah.
Thank you.
(DOOR CLOSES) So? Am I the reason you gave up your career? Yeah.
I wanted to do it for you.
(PHONE BUZZES) So what are we really trying to hold onto? What do you mean? You weren't doing what you loved.
You were lying to me.
I mean, how was that good for either of us? I was happy.
I know I was happy.
But you wouldn't be now.
All our memories are silly and sappy and What do you want me to say? I've changed.
(PHONE BUZZES) Look, I have to go.
Mateo's been working on this project.
Let's talk later.
(SIGHS) NARRATOR: I will take this moment to point out one irony: Jane hated police work and yet, she could never resist playing detective.
What the hell are you doing? I-I texted you that I was coming over.
Y-You forgot to send Mateo's art project with him to school.
And you thought you were gonna find it in my medicine cabinet? I'm sorry.
Look, I-I'm worried that you're in a dark place.
Whatever place I'm in is none of your business.
You lost the right to ask about my personal life when you decided to explore things with Michael.
But it is my business when your personal life affects our family.
You've missed pickups, you're oversleeping, you're not at work.
'Cause I'm not feeling well.
Which, again, is none of your business.
You need to leave.
Well (SIGHS) I'm 46 and and my sex life is over.
Good to know.
Thanks for the a NARRATOR: Well, well, well.
Look who's suddenly a sexpert.
But Ma.
Are you done? Okay.
And thanks.
That's really good advice.
I'm so glad you're home.
I've missed you, mi amor.
NARRATOR: Wow.
Alba might not need her huevito much longer.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) I don't need an excuse to kiss my wife, do I? Who are these creeps killing the mood? You got home at the perfect time.
We have some guests from the immigration office.
They're here on a surprise home visit.
I'm sorry.
I-I didn't know we had company.
May we take a tour of your home? Oh, boy.
The only thing more uncomfortable than Alba and Jorge with immigration officials is Petra trying to pretend like she's used to wearing jeans.
RAMOS: Then after Ryan and Shawna broke up, all hell broke loose.
Everyone had to take sides.
I don't even know these people, but I'm obviously Team Shawna, because girl power, am I right, ladies? We should deport Petra from this lesbian bar.
Am I right, ladies? Well, uh, first of all, Ryan is also a woman.
And, uh, she's clearly the victim in this breakup, because not only did Shawna dump her, but she also took full custody of their cat even though Ryan paid for all of its cancer treatment.
Female Denzel, girl on fire Hey, I'm going to the bathroom.
Do you want to come with? No, I'm happy hanging with the girls.
Ha.
Everything's leaky (AIR HORN BLOWS) Hey, ladies, don't forget to sign up for the Tatas and Tushies contest! It's gonna get wet and it's gonna get wild! Best dancer gets a free bottle of champagne! (HOWLS) So, who's gonna dance so we get a free bottle? Why don't I just order one for the table? That way, we don't have to get our jeans wet.
Yeah, dancing's kind of the point.
LOOKALIKE: This isn't really your scene, huh? Or partying in general? Are you kidding? No, I love to party.
Me and my friends get lit.
Sure, if it were 2015.
Ah.
Oh, Petra, I have to talk to you, now.
LEONA: Oh, you're friends with Petra? She was just telling me all about how you guys get lit.
Oh, yeah.
Y-You should see how crazy we get on our Sunday brunches.
Last week, we split a mimosa.
What are you doing here? I'm sorry, but things with Rafael are getting worse and I'm really worried.
Okay, look A-and I know we broke up, but I'm still the mother of his child.
I still get to know what's happening with him, especially if he's hurting himself or doing drugs, or He is not doing drugs, Jane.
He started taking antidepressants.
Na, Na, Na, Na, Na NARRATOR: You'll recall, Jane just learned that Rafael was on drugs.
Anti-depressants? Just not the kind she imagined.
Yes.
Are you satisfied? Well, I'm glad that he's taking care of himself, - and getting help.
- Great.
Now, I'd really rather not hold your hand while you process this for the next ten hours, so go home, Jane.
I'm sorry, why are you being such a bitch to me? What? What did I do? You asked for my advice, and then you didn't take it.
Excuse me? I told you to send Michael away, and instead you broke Rafael's heart.
That's why you're mad at me? You're creating chaos for our whole family, and-and I just don't get why you're doing this.
Okay, first of all, I'm not doing anything.
These are my feelings, I can't control them.
- I just don't understand.
- You don't have to.
Lord knows, I don't understand all the choices that you make, but I still support you because that's what friends do.
And so, if you are serious about being my friend, you need to get over yourself and support me.
(AIR HORN BLOWS) What up, ladies? Who's ready for the Tatas and Tushies contest? (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) If you want to shake it for that free bottle of bubbly, come up on stage! You're right, Jane.
We should support each other no matter what.
So can you help me out right now? What? Where are we going? I light it up, I set it off What are you doing? I need to show J.
R.
's friends that I am not stuck-up, that I can be fun.
Look like you're having fun, Jane! Support your sister, please.
I'm hanging on by a thread.
NARRATOR: Wow.
For a tatas and tushies contest, she's shaking a lot of elbow.
O-Okay, less arms, more butt.
Shake your ass.
Um wiggling.
Why are you wiggling? Don't wiggle stop wiggling! - Okay, this is not helping.
- Grind up on me.
I don't know how to do that.
Just, uh, spell your name with your butt.
Lina taught me in the eighth grade formal.
What is that? Times New Roman? (LAUGHS) In cursive.
Oh, okay.
Now roll the R.
Roll it.
Roll it like you mean it! There you go.
I light it up, I set it off Oh oh, lowercase R.
Okay, I like it.
(BOTH LAUGH) Low-key get my dough, though, I light it up I set if off, put hashtag, no photo That's $300.
It's fine! She's rich! (SHOUTS) Oh! (SCREAMING, CHEERING) Now watch me do it, I set it off Now watch me do it, I set it off I set it off CROWD (CHANTING): Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! (CHANTING CONTINUES) BOTH: Eh! Is this hot enough for you? Oh, yeah.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Oh, Ro oh ROGELIO: My God.
Sorry.
(DEVICE VIBRATING) NARRATOR: Looks like Rogelio's not the only one going down the rabbit hole.
I'm glad to-to see you helping yourself.
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) Would you like some company? NARRATOR: Finally, things seem to be back on track.
Let's give them another minute.
Or four.
(PASSIONATE MOANING, KISSING) Never mind.
I'm sorry.
I-I'm just not ready.
Don't be sorry.
I'm just confused.
When I saw you strumming your lady guitar, I assumed that meant you've- you'd gotten your groove back.
(WEAK CHUCKLE) It's not that simple.
When I was by myself, I was able to finally get out of my head a little.
But with sex, I am just not there yet.
Well, what can I do to help? I think, for now, this is something I'm gonna have to work out on my own.
Of course.
Whatever you need.
Joint bank accounts, joint credit card statements.
Bring it all to your interview.
We'll be in touch to schedule it.
NARRATOR: And maybe it was the lingering effects of their kiss, or the fact that they almost got busted by Immigration, but in that moment, Alba knew she had to come clean to her fake husband.
(EXHALES) (SNIFFLES) And, hey, thank you for getting up there with me, and teaching my butt the alphabet.
(LAUGHS) And listen, I'm sorry.
You're right.
Friends support, so whatever happens with Michael, I'm here.
(SIGHS) Kiss already.
(LAUGHS) Okay, I'm gonna leave.
Okay.
Oh, hey-o.
I only got second place, but, you know, it came with a free pitcher of beer.
(CHUCKLES) Beer's not really my thing.
NARRATOR: Oh, what do you like, Leona? Okay, look.
I have been nothing but nice to you.
And I get that you think I am snobby and uptight It's not because you're uptight.
Then what is your problem? How about the fact that you broke my best friend's heart? And ruined her career? And honestly, it's really hard to even look at you without wondering how you're gonna hurt her next.
And speaking of broken relationships Hey.
I just wanted to apologize.
I shouldn't have gone through your things earlier today, and I'm sorry.
I was just really worried.
Okay.
Is that it? NARRATOR: No, friends, it isn't.
Jane wanted to tell Rafael that she was sorry that she was the one causing him this pain.
Yeah, that's it.
Okay.
Look, can you do me a favor? Of course, anything.
Can you just give me some space? I'll talk to you in three days when it's your turn to get Mateo.
NARRATOR: Friends, through the years, we have seen our Villanueva women in all states, haven't we? You okay? Definitely.
But we have yet to see them all (ALL CRYING) cry at the same time.
- Oh, no.
- JANE: Abuela.
- XO: Are you okay? - JANE: No.
What? But are you okay? Jorge doesn't love her.
What? I'm heartbroken about Rafael and confused about Michael.
Mom? What's wrong? I don't want to have sex, and I love having sex.
- Mom! - JANE: (LAUGHS) Oh, God! Man.
Times have changed.
Could you imagine Ma saying that a couple of years ago? Yeah.
Me, too.
Such a different person.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Ha.
You know, it's funny.
I've been so focused this whole time on how Michael has changed, but I guess I have, too.
PETRA: I need to change, now.
Just tell me what Leona said.
Nothing.
She and I are different, and she was just pointing that out.
No, she needs to back off.
N-No, stop.
Hey.
I get it.
Okay? She's your friend.
She should be protective.
Friends support each other.
NARRATOR: Wow.
Look who's suddenly the friendship expert.
Besides, she'll come around, once she sees how I've changed.
And how happy I'm going to make you.
- So I was thinking - Mm-hmm? Maybe tonight I should sleep over? Yeah? Yeah.
Okay.
(ELSA AND ANNA SCREAMING) Scary man! He was just in our room.
He ran onto the balcony! MICHAEL: Oh, my God, I was right.
NARRATOR: Hey, I figured it out, too.
Don't take all the credit.
We're inside her network.
Username Buttercup.
This is it.
Rose's criminal Craigslist.
DENNIS: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
BOBBY: Cordero led the police to the Satin Road.
But don't worry, I managed to shut it down in time.
Good.
Should I take care of Cordero? If the cops are onto the Satin Road, we've got bigger problems.
We need to move up the timeline.
Leave Michael alone.
He's irrelevant now.
NARRATOR: Well, not to all of us.
That was so close.
Yeah.
But it was still a good find.
We know how she's making her money now.
"We"? Well, what do you think? Would you ever come back to the force? (PHONE BUZZES) Which brings us here, now.
I wanted to apologize, for overreacting before.
No, I didn't mean to crap on all on our memories.
You didn't.
I did.
A little.
But I get it.
It wasn't perfect.
You know, I think it actually was.
Oh, your gas tank's on empty, so don't forget to fill her up before your meeting with Chloe.
Thanks.
Now hurry up and go.
MICHAEL: I remember thinking how lucky I was to be married to you, which is how I felt every single time you walked into a room.
Or out of our room.
It was perfect, but for who we were then.
But we're just different now.
Yeah.
We really are.
But what's not different is the way I feel towards you, and sitting here, how much I just want to hold your hand.
The truth is, we'll never know what could be as long as we're here, in Miami, surrounded by the ghosts of our past.
Come with me to Montana.
(CHUCKLES): What? Just for a couple days.
Let's get out of here.
What do you say? Let's go.
NARRATOR: Wow.
She really has changed.
On one side, her ex-husband Michael came back from the dead.
I still love you, Jane.
NARRATOR: On the other, ex-boyfriend, baby daddy Rafael.
RAFAEL: All I want is to put this ring on your finger.
NARRATOR: And our poor Jane, well, she was wrecked, and she realized I can't just dismiss how I feel about Michael.
NARRATOR: Which, seemingly, sent our Rafael down a dark path.
Also in a tricky situation, Alba.
See, she married Jorge so he could get his green card.
Only, she still had feelings for him.
Oh, and Petra and J.
R.
seemed like they were headed for a breakup, too.
- Please! - I gave up everything for you.
It was all a lie! NARRATOR: But they fought their way back to each other, not that they were home free.
I didn't e-mail Milos.
It's right here, Petra, how you said you won't testify against him if he gives you the hotel.
What are you talking about? - I didn't write this.
- It's from your account.
NARRATOR: I know! Straight out of a telenovela, right? Well, imagine this.
Rose, aka Sin Rostro, was the one who faked Michael's death and wiped his memories.
Tell me why you did it.
ROSE: I had my Eileen face on, and my phone fell.
And as we both bent down to pick it up, my mask came unglued.
I don't believe you.
I think it has something to do with this number.
So you're working with the police now.
Tell them there's no chance in hell they'll ever figure out what that number is.
NARRATOR: Yikes! Who knows what she's up to.
Well, I do, but I can't tell you yet.
When Jane Gloriana Villanueva was 25 years old, she said good-bye to Michael Cordero Jr.
For the last time I love you.
NARRATOR: Or so she thought.
Michael! I am so proud of you.
NARRATOR: And, friends, that good-bye was a moment that Jane replayed in her head over and over and over XIOMARA: Enough.
You can't keep looking at old pictures of Michael.
Call him.
I want to.
I-I-I'm trying.
But every time I think I'm ready, I think about my family, and how much I love Rafael.
Who doesn't want to see you now.
Because of my feelings for Michael.
Exactly.
You have them, so call.
What's going on? BOTH: What? (WHISPERING): Sexy NARRATOR: Sorry.
Let me show you what Alba sees.
Oh, who am I kidding? It's not even sexy in slow motion.
Ma! Uh, we were talking about something really important.
Agreed.
- Start slow.
- There is no slow.
If I open the door, the floodwaters will rush in.
It is not a floodgate, it's just a text.
Send it.
Okay.
Fine.
Fine.
"Hi.
" (SHOUTS) (CELL PHONE BUZZING) I told you it wasn't just a text! He's already calling me back! Answer it.
(GROANS) - Hi, hey.
- MICHAEL: Hey.
Do you have any time this afternoon? Um, can you hang on a second? Now what? He wants to hang out.
Uh, you think that's gonna be casual? I mean, what are we supposed to talk about? The weather? Oh, or how about the fact that I'm living at home again because Rafael kicked me out of the house because I had to explore things with Michael even though I don't know what that means? A-And how is that even possible? What am I supposed to do? Huh? Put on my wedding lingerie and say, "Welcome back, to this.
" Take a deep breath and calm down.
Just grab some coffee with him.
Decaf.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
NARRATOR: Ooh, she hit "speaker, "not "mute.
" Michael? Hi.
Yeah, coffee sounds good.
MICHAEL: But that's not why I was calling.
DENNIS: We think Rose lied about the reason she gave Michael amnesia.
She said she bumped into me as Eileen NARRATOR: You remember Eileen, right? Rose only with this mask.
And she said I saw her mask, but I didn't.
I mean I would remember seeing a mask peel off.
So why do you think she did it? We don't know, but we think it has something to do with this number I wrote down in my notes.
It's a sequence she typed over and over.
And before I died, I'd been focused on it 'cause it came up so much in Susanna's keystroke log.
NARRATOR: You remember Susanna, right? Rose only with this mask.
Oops, my bad, that's Shelly.
Sorry, Rose had a lot of masks.
Here's Susanna.
Oh, wow.
I I can't believe you were still investigating Rose after you left the force.
Oh, just occasionally.
I mean, the woman's a monster and she was still out there.
(GUNSHOT) (GASPS) Oh, my God, Michael! The thing is, I've been going through my memories a thousand times of that day, and it's all pretty fuzzy.
Unfortunately, memories are notoriously unreliable.
NARRATOR: I think I said something like that once, but I can't quite remember.
Anyway, uh, Dennis suggested we walk through the day together.
See if any details come back.
Yeah, okay, sure.
So you and Rafael broke up? I don't want to talk about that with you.
Okay.
That's fine.
I'm I'm sorry.
I'm just confused, as you obviously heard.
No, I get it.
Let's just walk through the day, then.
Great.
Uh I remember everything exactly.
Uh, we said good-bye in the doorway of our old apartment.
I had given you a lunchbox with a policeman on it, and then I said Michael! I am so proud of you.
(MICHAEL LAUGHING) - What's so funny? - Oh I can't believe I brought a lunchbox to the LSATs.
It was sweet.
Oh, I know, of course it was.
It's just weird to think about now.
You know, the guys at the ranch would hog-tie me and throw me in the pigsty if they found out that I brought a lunchbox to work.
(CHUCKLES) Right.
(CHUCKLES) It's just hard to laugh since the lunchbox is tied to the last words I ever said to you before you supposedly died.
Right.
I'm sorry.
But actually, those weren't the last words you said to me.
(CHUCKLES) Trust me, I replayed that moment over and over.
No.
I remember.
You said I am so proud of you.
MICHAEL: And then I turned back.
Oh, your gas tank's on empty, so don't forget to fill it up before your meeting with Chloe.
Thanks.
Now hurry up and go.
Oh, my God.
I I can't believe I forgot about that.
And then I sent you a final "good luck" e-mail while I was pumping gas, and you never responded.
I definitely replied.
No, you didn't.
If you sent that e-mail, I would've read it obsessively for the last four years.
No, I-I know I sent that.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Uh, hello? Okay, I-I'm sorry.
I'm on my way.
It's Mateo's karate dojo.
Rafael didn't show up to pick him up.
I have to go.
Rafael? Shoot, they called you? I'm sorry.
I-I messed up.
Is everything okay? I'm fine.
NARRATOR: Oh, friends.
How Jane wanted to reach out and touch him right then, but alas, everything had changed.
Just have a lot of stuff going on at the office.
In fact, since you're here, do you mind just taking Mateo and the girls? I should got to get back to work.
Yeah, no problem.
How was karate practice? Good, I'm amazing! - Do it.
- Ask her.
Ask me what? What are drugs? Excuse me? I saw Daddy taking pills, and Ellie and Anna said he's on drugs.
NARRATOR: As you'll recall, we last left Jane with a very simple question JANE: What are drugs? Uh Well, drugs are a very bad thing, and something you should never, ever take.
And also, Daddy is not taking drugs, so don't worry about that.
Yes, he is.
He's got a real pill problem.
What? No, he doesn't.
But what-what makes you say that? We saw him take them.
Grown-ups take a lot of pills.
Vitamins and aspirin These are different.
Daddy always takes his pills in secret and keeps them on the top shelf of the bathroom cabinet where we can't reach them.
They're probably benzos.
What? Mommy left the parental controls off the iPad last week, and we watched a lot of inappropriate shows.
We know all about the opioid crisis, too.
Well, good for you, and that has nothing to do with your dad.
We need to talk.
Fine.
Make it quick.
I'm preparing for a meeting with a computer security expert to get to the bottom of the weird e-mails coming from my account.
Preparing by looking at the IT guy's vacation photos? If you must know, the computer security expert is J.
R.
's close friend, Leona.
NARRATOR: Ah, IT gal.
I've never met any of J.
R.
's friends before, so I'm just doing a little research.
Got it.
Well, um, I wanted to talk to you about something serious, but honestly I don't even know how to say it, but Spit it out, Jane.
Right.
Sorry.
I'm just I'm worried about Rafael, and I want to talk to him and be there for him, and obviously I can't, but I think he might be in a really dark place.
Of course he's in a dark place.
You dumped him.
The kids think he's on drugs.
- What? - The twins saw him taking pills in secret.
Apparently, Mateo did, too.
So can you please talk to him? You're probably overreacting, like you always do.
Sorry, did I do something to offend you? I'll talk to Rafael and figure out what's going on.
Now, go.
J.
R.
's coming by and if she sees you, she'll be in a bad mood.
Rafael, hey, it's me, um Just hoping to talk when you get a minute.
ROGELIO: Talk dirty to me, baby.
Tell me how much you want the carnal gift of Rogelio.
So, so much.
(CHUCKLES) It's been too long.
Way too long.
(XIOMARA CHUCKLES) (EXHALES) Oh, but you're sexier than ever.
- Mm-hmm? - And, uh Oh, my God.
Your penis got even bigger.
(XIOMARA LAUGHS) (GASPS) Oh, sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
(GASPS) (GASPS) (EXHALES) It's no big deal.
Masturbation is normal.
It's just that I really miss making love to you.
But I don't want to pressure you before you're ready.
I get it.
It's fine.
NARRATOR: Yeah, don't beat yourself um, up about it, Rogelio.
And I miss our sex life, too.
And I want it back.
You do? But, I just haven't really felt like it.
A-After everything my body's been through this year.
But maybe it's time we try.
What about tonight? We could go out on a date and then I'm in.
Metaphorically.
And also, hopefully, literally.
LEONA: You're screwed.
- What do you mean? - Well, your anti-virus program is ancient; pretty much any experienced hacker could just spoof your IP address.
(SCOFFS) Of course.
See? It's Milos.
(SCOFFS) I filed an injunction against him to regain control of the hotel.
He's obviously retaliating.
Can you secure it? - Yeah, no problem.
- Mm.
Okay, perfect, thank you.
Well, take that, Genius Bar.
(LAUGHS) By the way, I really dig your ink.
Thanks.
Do you have a go-to artist or anything? I-I'm considering getting one of my own.
Really? Of what? Uh, butterfly? Lower back.
I love that idea.
Thanks, Leona.
You should go.
I should get going, too.
I have to go to the, uh, animal shelter.
What are you talking about? Oh, I was, um, thinking of using the security breach as an excuse to get the girls a dog.
They've been asking.
I'm a big fan of dogs.
Rescues only, obviously.
- You are? - Yes.
Have you been stalking me on Instagram? RAMOS: Down, lioness.
Petra was obviously just curious about my good friend.
My apologies.
Best of luck with the rescue dog.
- I'll see you at Truck Shop tomorrow? - Um, we'll see.
Uh-huh.
Wow, she hated me.
She didn't hate you.
That much.
Next time just play it more low-key.
Make your creepy, stalker hints more subtle.
Next time when? Leona blatantly didn't invite me to the truck shop tomorrow.
She's not really hanging out at a truck shop, right? (CHUCKLES) No.
It's a gay club.
And she didn't invite you 'cause, well you don't exactly look like the club type.
What does that mean? You're too posh for the club scene.
I am not, I love nightclubs.
NARRATOR: Yep, nightclubs and rescue dogs.
Petra's favorites.
Okay, look I want to try getting to know your life more.
Leona's important to you.
So she's important to me, too.
(SIGHS) Okay.
Come.
Yeah.
JANE: I don't have a good feeling about this.
I want to help, but digging into the past is bringing up all these memories from when Michael was investigating Rose and got shot on our wedding night.
(SIGHS LUSTFULLY) - Abuela.
- Ay! No, Michael definitely didn't write it.
I definitely wrote it.
I just can't remember my password.
I tried everything I could think of.
Try M-L-J-T-M-5-1-9.
Five, one, nine.
Good memory.
Well, it stands for Michael Loves Jane The Mostest.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, wow.
And 5/19 is our wedding anniversary.
(CHUCKLES) What? Nothing, it's just, I was a lot sappier than I remember.
You weren't sappy.
You were romantic.
I'm sorry.
Didn't mean it like that.
- It's definitely romantic.
- Can you just please find the e-mail that you claim to have sent? I know I wrote it.
Okay, here it is.
You wrote, "All gassed up, good luck.
" And I wrote Oh, wow.
I never sent it.
It's been in my draft folder all these years.
- Why didn't you send it? - I don't know.
I remember being in line, writing it.
Oh, it was right when I bumped into Eileen.
I bent down, picked up her stuff and I saw something; I know I saw something, I just can't remember what it was.
Can we go to the coffee shop tomorrow, see if it helps? Michael, do you see that car? It circled twice before it parked.
Okay.
Isn't that suspicious? I don't think so; he's probably just looking for a spot.
Yeah, okay.
Probably right.
NARRATOR: Also suspicious? Are you on drugs? Nice to see you, too.
Why is your apartment such a mess? Because I have three kids and no maid service.
Why are you here? Jane's concerned about you.
I don't want to talk about Jane.
I'm concerned, too.
So tell me what's going on.
NARRATOR: Oh, my God.
What? Nothing.
(STAMMERS) I've never seen you wear jeans before.
What's the occasion? Well, if you must know, I have a very important event at the Truck Shop, I'm breaking them in.
You're going to a truck shop? (SCOFFS) It's not a truck shop.
It's a lesbian hotspot which you obviously know nothing about.
Oh, well.
The jeans look nice.
If Jane likes them, they're wrong.
Get me a new pair.
Actually, let me try those on.
But these are my favorite jeans.
I've had them since high school.
Perfect; so they're already broken in.
Now go take them off.
I spoke to Rafael, you can relax.
I'm handling it.
So there's something to handle? I need to get back to work.
So do you.
I-If there's something going on with Rafael, I-I need to know before I let Mateo stay with him.
Mateo will be fine.
I also have children with Rafael, remember? (STAMMERING): Okay okay.
What is going on? Why are you acting like this? (GASPS) Am I not giving you enough attention again? Oh, please.
I'm just looking out for Rafael, okay? If he wanted you to know what's going on, he'd tell you.
So mind your own business.
NARRATOR: Also getting a smackdown? (SMACK) (YELPS) (GIGGLES) (SIGHS) Thank you, Rogelio, for doing all of this.
It's very romantic.
You ain't seen nothing yet, Mrs.
De la Vega.
(GIGGLES) Ah NARRATOR: This is going very well.
Perhaps we should give them a minute.
I'm sorry, uh I'm just not feeling it.
XIOMARA: And I haven't since chemo.
I thought my sex drive would be back by now.
And mentally, I feel ready.
But physically Well, that's another story.
You're most likely experiencing chemo-induced menopause, which can affect everything from hormone levels to your physiological response to stimulus.
Menopause? But I'm only in my 40s.
It's a good thing; the lower your estrogen levels, the lower your chances of relapse.
Okay, so when do you think my sex drive will come back? It's different for everyone.
- But it will.
- I'm sorry.
I just can't say with any certainty.
Let's just focus on the good part.
Menopause reduces the risk of the cancer coming back.
And that's all we want.
The muffin was dry.
Okay, good.
Do you remember anything else? No.
Nothing.
BARISTA: Jane.
MALE BARISTA: Eileen.
(GASPS) Oh, I'm so sorry.
It's my fault.
Let me get that.
Here you go, Buttercup.
(CHUCKLES) Sorry.
Eileen.
- I know why Rose gave me amnesia.
- NARRATOR: I do, too! - What? Why? - Eileen was a stranger to me, so I didn't think anything of it at the time, but the website I saw on her phone, the username was "Buttercup.
" NARRATOR: Like in The Princess Bride.
- No, I know, he's telling it.
- I don't follow.
Dread Pirate Roberts was the alias of the guy who created the online Silk Road, which is basically the eBay of vice.
People can seek out anything from hit men to drug dealers.
Dread Pirate Roberts was the hero in The Princess Bride and Buttercup was the heroine.
NARRATOR: Rose always did love a good play on words.
So you think this website is her version of the Silk Road? Username Buttercup.
And the keystroke I found must be the password.
Dennis, call me.
It's important.
Oh, my God.
That's the car.
Th-The same one that was circling the block by my house, we are definitely being followed.
I'm sure it isn't.
Think about it: Rose almost killed you twice and now you're running around investigating her again? You don't think it's possible that she would send someone after you? You're right; we got to move.
Now.
I texted Dennis.
We should wait here for him.
You okay? No, I'm scared.
Like I was four years ago.
And mad? Because of four years ago? God.
NARRATOR: Whoa.
Too much baggage.
I can't believe you were still investigating Rose back then.
What did you expect me to do? I was a cop.
No, you weren't.
You'd given it up.
At least that's what I thought, - I guess you were lying to me.
- I had to.
I knew how much you hated it.
Hell, that's why I quit.
No, you left because you were unhappy on desk duty.
Yeah, that definitely was a part of it, but the bigger part was I knew how freaked out you were by me being a cop.
So I stopped.
You're saying I'm the reason you gave up your career? (DOOR OPENS) (JANE GASPS) (SIGHS): Oh Sorry to scare you guys.
We've been keeping a protective detail on you out of an abundance of caution.
That was my guy you saw out there.
NARRATOR: A heads-up would've been nice.
But the good news is, we haven't seen anything out of the ordinary.
You're safe.
Oh.
Yeah.
Can you just give us a minute, please? Yeah.
Thank you.
(DOOR CLOSES) So? Am I the reason you gave up your career? Yeah.
I wanted to do it for you.
(PHONE BUZZES) So what are we really trying to hold onto? What do you mean? You weren't doing what you loved.
You were lying to me.
I mean, how was that good for either of us? I was happy.
I know I was happy.
But you wouldn't be now.
All our memories are silly and sappy and What do you want me to say? I've changed.
(PHONE BUZZES) Look, I have to go.
Mateo's been working on this project.
Let's talk later.
(SIGHS) NARRATOR: I will take this moment to point out one irony: Jane hated police work and yet, she could never resist playing detective.
What the hell are you doing? I-I texted you that I was coming over.
Y-You forgot to send Mateo's art project with him to school.
And you thought you were gonna find it in my medicine cabinet? I'm sorry.
Look, I-I'm worried that you're in a dark place.
Whatever place I'm in is none of your business.
You lost the right to ask about my personal life when you decided to explore things with Michael.
But it is my business when your personal life affects our family.
You've missed pickups, you're oversleeping, you're not at work.
'Cause I'm not feeling well.
Which, again, is none of your business.
You need to leave.
Well (SIGHS) I'm 46 and and my sex life is over.
Good to know.
Thanks for the a NARRATOR: Well, well, well.
Look who's suddenly a sexpert.
But Ma.
Are you done? Okay.
And thanks.
That's really good advice.
I'm so glad you're home.
I've missed you, mi amor.
NARRATOR: Wow.
Alba might not need her huevito much longer.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) I don't need an excuse to kiss my wife, do I? Who are these creeps killing the mood? You got home at the perfect time.
We have some guests from the immigration office.
They're here on a surprise home visit.
I'm sorry.
I-I didn't know we had company.
May we take a tour of your home? Oh, boy.
The only thing more uncomfortable than Alba and Jorge with immigration officials is Petra trying to pretend like she's used to wearing jeans.
RAMOS: Then after Ryan and Shawna broke up, all hell broke loose.
Everyone had to take sides.
I don't even know these people, but I'm obviously Team Shawna, because girl power, am I right, ladies? We should deport Petra from this lesbian bar.
Am I right, ladies? Well, uh, first of all, Ryan is also a woman.
And, uh, she's clearly the victim in this breakup, because not only did Shawna dump her, but she also took full custody of their cat even though Ryan paid for all of its cancer treatment.
Female Denzel, girl on fire Hey, I'm going to the bathroom.
Do you want to come with? No, I'm happy hanging with the girls.
Ha.
Everything's leaky (AIR HORN BLOWS) Hey, ladies, don't forget to sign up for the Tatas and Tushies contest! It's gonna get wet and it's gonna get wild! Best dancer gets a free bottle of champagne! (HOWLS) So, who's gonna dance so we get a free bottle? Why don't I just order one for the table? That way, we don't have to get our jeans wet.
Yeah, dancing's kind of the point.
LOOKALIKE: This isn't really your scene, huh? Or partying in general? Are you kidding? No, I love to party.
Me and my friends get lit.
Sure, if it were 2015.
Ah.
Oh, Petra, I have to talk to you, now.
LEONA: Oh, you're friends with Petra? She was just telling me all about how you guys get lit.
Oh, yeah.
Y-You should see how crazy we get on our Sunday brunches.
Last week, we split a mimosa.
What are you doing here? I'm sorry, but things with Rafael are getting worse and I'm really worried.
Okay, look A-and I know we broke up, but I'm still the mother of his child.
I still get to know what's happening with him, especially if he's hurting himself or doing drugs, or He is not doing drugs, Jane.
He started taking antidepressants.
Na, Na, Na, Na, Na NARRATOR: You'll recall, Jane just learned that Rafael was on drugs.
Anti-depressants? Just not the kind she imagined.
Yes.
Are you satisfied? Well, I'm glad that he's taking care of himself, - and getting help.
- Great.
Now, I'd really rather not hold your hand while you process this for the next ten hours, so go home, Jane.
I'm sorry, why are you being such a bitch to me? What? What did I do? You asked for my advice, and then you didn't take it.
Excuse me? I told you to send Michael away, and instead you broke Rafael's heart.
That's why you're mad at me? You're creating chaos for our whole family, and-and I just don't get why you're doing this.
Okay, first of all, I'm not doing anything.
These are my feelings, I can't control them.
- I just don't understand.
- You don't have to.
Lord knows, I don't understand all the choices that you make, but I still support you because that's what friends do.
And so, if you are serious about being my friend, you need to get over yourself and support me.
(AIR HORN BLOWS) What up, ladies? Who's ready for the Tatas and Tushies contest? (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) If you want to shake it for that free bottle of bubbly, come up on stage! You're right, Jane.
We should support each other no matter what.
So can you help me out right now? What? Where are we going? I light it up, I set it off What are you doing? I need to show J.
R.
's friends that I am not stuck-up, that I can be fun.
Look like you're having fun, Jane! Support your sister, please.
I'm hanging on by a thread.
NARRATOR: Wow.
For a tatas and tushies contest, she's shaking a lot of elbow.
O-Okay, less arms, more butt.
Shake your ass.
Um wiggling.
Why are you wiggling? Don't wiggle stop wiggling! - Okay, this is not helping.
- Grind up on me.
I don't know how to do that.
Just, uh, spell your name with your butt.
Lina taught me in the eighth grade formal.
What is that? Times New Roman? (LAUGHS) In cursive.
Oh, okay.
Now roll the R.
Roll it.
Roll it like you mean it! There you go.
I light it up, I set it off Oh oh, lowercase R.
Okay, I like it.
(BOTH LAUGH) Low-key get my dough, though, I light it up I set if off, put hashtag, no photo That's $300.
It's fine! She's rich! (SHOUTS) Oh! (SCREAMING, CHEERING) Now watch me do it, I set it off Now watch me do it, I set it off I set it off CROWD (CHANTING): Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! (CHANTING CONTINUES) BOTH: Eh! Is this hot enough for you? Oh, yeah.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Oh, Ro oh ROGELIO: My God.
Sorry.
(DEVICE VIBRATING) NARRATOR: Looks like Rogelio's not the only one going down the rabbit hole.
I'm glad to-to see you helping yourself.
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) Would you like some company? NARRATOR: Finally, things seem to be back on track.
Let's give them another minute.
Or four.
(PASSIONATE MOANING, KISSING) Never mind.
I'm sorry.
I-I'm just not ready.
Don't be sorry.
I'm just confused.
When I saw you strumming your lady guitar, I assumed that meant you've- you'd gotten your groove back.
(WEAK CHUCKLE) It's not that simple.
When I was by myself, I was able to finally get out of my head a little.
But with sex, I am just not there yet.
Well, what can I do to help? I think, for now, this is something I'm gonna have to work out on my own.
Of course.
Whatever you need.
Joint bank accounts, joint credit card statements.
Bring it all to your interview.
We'll be in touch to schedule it.
NARRATOR: And maybe it was the lingering effects of their kiss, or the fact that they almost got busted by Immigration, but in that moment, Alba knew she had to come clean to her fake husband.
(EXHALES) (SNIFFLES) And, hey, thank you for getting up there with me, and teaching my butt the alphabet.
(LAUGHS) And listen, I'm sorry.
You're right.
Friends support, so whatever happens with Michael, I'm here.
(SIGHS) Kiss already.
(LAUGHS) Okay, I'm gonna leave.
Okay.
Oh, hey-o.
I only got second place, but, you know, it came with a free pitcher of beer.
(CHUCKLES) Beer's not really my thing.
NARRATOR: Oh, what do you like, Leona? Okay, look.
I have been nothing but nice to you.
And I get that you think I am snobby and uptight It's not because you're uptight.
Then what is your problem? How about the fact that you broke my best friend's heart? And ruined her career? And honestly, it's really hard to even look at you without wondering how you're gonna hurt her next.
And speaking of broken relationships Hey.
I just wanted to apologize.
I shouldn't have gone through your things earlier today, and I'm sorry.
I was just really worried.
Okay.
Is that it? NARRATOR: No, friends, it isn't.
Jane wanted to tell Rafael that she was sorry that she was the one causing him this pain.
Yeah, that's it.
Okay.
Look, can you do me a favor? Of course, anything.
Can you just give me some space? I'll talk to you in three days when it's your turn to get Mateo.
NARRATOR: Friends, through the years, we have seen our Villanueva women in all states, haven't we? You okay? Definitely.
But we have yet to see them all (ALL CRYING) cry at the same time.
- Oh, no.
- JANE: Abuela.
- XO: Are you okay? - JANE: No.
What? But are you okay? Jorge doesn't love her.
What? I'm heartbroken about Rafael and confused about Michael.
Mom? What's wrong? I don't want to have sex, and I love having sex.
- Mom! - JANE: (LAUGHS) Oh, God! Man.
Times have changed.
Could you imagine Ma saying that a couple of years ago? Yeah.
Me, too.
Such a different person.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Ha.
You know, it's funny.
I've been so focused this whole time on how Michael has changed, but I guess I have, too.
PETRA: I need to change, now.
Just tell me what Leona said.
Nothing.
She and I are different, and she was just pointing that out.
No, she needs to back off.
N-No, stop.
Hey.
I get it.
Okay? She's your friend.
She should be protective.
Friends support each other.
NARRATOR: Wow.
Look who's suddenly the friendship expert.
Besides, she'll come around, once she sees how I've changed.
And how happy I'm going to make you.
- So I was thinking - Mm-hmm? Maybe tonight I should sleep over? Yeah? Yeah.
Okay.
(ELSA AND ANNA SCREAMING) Scary man! He was just in our room.
He ran onto the balcony! MICHAEL: Oh, my God, I was right.
NARRATOR: Hey, I figured it out, too.
Don't take all the credit.
We're inside her network.
Username Buttercup.
This is it.
Rose's criminal Craigslist.
DENNIS: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
BOBBY: Cordero led the police to the Satin Road.
But don't worry, I managed to shut it down in time.
Good.
Should I take care of Cordero? If the cops are onto the Satin Road, we've got bigger problems.
We need to move up the timeline.
Leave Michael alone.
He's irrelevant now.
NARRATOR: Well, not to all of us.
That was so close.
Yeah.
But it was still a good find.
We know how she's making her money now.
"We"? Well, what do you think? Would you ever come back to the force? (PHONE BUZZES) Which brings us here, now.
I wanted to apologize, for overreacting before.
No, I didn't mean to crap on all on our memories.
You didn't.
I did.
A little.
But I get it.
It wasn't perfect.
You know, I think it actually was.
Oh, your gas tank's on empty, so don't forget to fill her up before your meeting with Chloe.
Thanks.
Now hurry up and go.
MICHAEL: I remember thinking how lucky I was to be married to you, which is how I felt every single time you walked into a room.
Or out of our room.
It was perfect, but for who we were then.
But we're just different now.
Yeah.
We really are.
But what's not different is the way I feel towards you, and sitting here, how much I just want to hold your hand.
The truth is, we'll never know what could be as long as we're here, in Miami, surrounded by the ghosts of our past.
Come with me to Montana.
(CHUCKLES): What? Just for a couple days.
Let's get out of here.
What do you say? Let's go.
NARRATOR: Wow.
She really has changed.