Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) s05e06 Episode Script
Yojimbo
1 You must be insane! [thunder crashes.]
[grunts.]
[laughs evilly.]
You destroyed the entire family.
You demon! [laughs evilly.]
[dramatic music.]
[metallic schling.]
They were infected with evil.
The gods revealed their nature to me, as they do you.
[growls.]
both: [grunting.]
[dramatic music.]
[laughs evilly.]
I tracked you down to bring you to justice.
I see the evil in this realm, Ronin.
I am the definition of justice! Huh! both: [grunting.]
[thunder crashes.]
both: [grunting.]
The gods impart this skill to me, to cleanse the world of evil! both: [grunting.]
You're the evil one! [thunder crashes.]
both: Aah! [grunts.]
[groans.]
[laughs evilly.]
Who are you? [laughs.]
I am Kai, the blade of the gods.
Aah! [screams.]
[squeaks.]
[groans.]
[moans.]
[somber music.]
[heavy guitar chords.]
[glass shatters.]
Ahh! [driving percussive music.]
[jazzy theme music.]
[low growl.]
Now we're talking.
Yeah! I've got an idea! [groans.]
Aw, sewer apples! Booyakasha! [birds chirping.]
[wind whooshes.]
[dragonfly buzzes.]
[panting.]
[dramatic music.]
[crow cawing.]
[somber Eastern music.]
[dramatic music.]
I know you're here.
Come out! [barks and snorts.]
[fluttering.]
Huh? Akemi.
I'm glad you've come.
What happened here? A band of samurai.
They must have been Ronin.
They were led by a mercenary called Sumo Kuma.
I have never heard of him.
All my samurai have been wiped out and many villagers, too.
I barely escaped.
They ransacked the village looking for the holy child but could not find him.
Come, Kintaro is this way.
I hid him well.
[door creaks.]
It's about time! I was in there for days! How dare you treat me so disrespectfully.
I don't like small spaces! This is the holy child? Please humor him.
Kintaro has been pampered his entire life because he is the golden boy, destined to have superhuman abilities.
Just not yet.
My apologies, Kintaro-sama.
This is Miyamoto Usagi.
He is a fierce swordsman, and with his help, I will deliver you to the temple palace.
Bah! This sorry-looking long ear? He looks like he couldn't deliver sushi to a banquet.
[yelps.]
We must get started immediately.
The hour has already grown late.
Uh! Uh! Akemi.
You're injured.
But I am not hurt badly.
I must continue with you to escort the boy uh! No.
You are barely able to stand, much less travel over mountains.
You are right.
Kintaro, you must go with Usagi-san.
Do what he says.
I am not listening to this stupid Ronin.
He was late for the battle, and I don't like his face.
Taro-kun! Do what he says! He will protect you.
Well, I'll all right! But I will hold onto my Axe of Power.
Just remember your place, Ronin, and treat me with the respect I deserve.
Aah! Ugh! Good luck, Usagi-san.
[upbeat music.]
You don't even have a horse? What kind of Ronin are you? Can you carry me, you smelly rabbit? Hello! Can you hear me with those giant ears? Be silent, Kintaro-sama.
We must not be noticed on the road.
What? You dare insult the golden boy by offering a bone? [dramatic music.]
So, Ronin, the gods have brought you to me again.
No one has escaped my blade before.
I need great warriors to destroy you, Miyamoto Usagi, powerful pawns to strike when the time is right.
[speaking Japanese.]
[thunder crashes.]
[continues speaking Japanese.]
together: Aah! [dramatic music.]
Where where the heck are we? Donnie, were you messing with some portal experiment again? Why do you always assume it's me? These are the great warriors I asked for? [laughs evilly.]
[groans.]
Ahh, Turtle Ninja, mythic kappa of legend? I need your help.
I was attacked by a vicious rabbit Ronin.
Save me.
Save me from the wrath of this madman, please.
[dramatic music.]
We can take care of this evil jerkface for you.
No worries, bruh.
He is pure evil.
I can sense it inside of him, corrupting him like a plague.
[laughs.]
Uh! Ahh.
[sighs.]
Evil.
Yes, we can help you, old man.
No problem.
You can count on us.
Hunt down and destroy the long-eared Ronin who travels with a child.
But do not harm the boy.
Go! Do my bidding, Turtle Warriors.
Destroy the one called Miyamoto Usagi! [owl hoots.]
You're useless and slow and probably a terrible cook, too.
It's already night, and the camp should have been set up hours ago! We only just stopped.
You must be patient, Kintaro.
Unless you would like to help.
Do you dare suggest I dirty my hands with peasant work? Fool! He is still a child.
I must remain patient.
[dramatic music.]
What is this? [metallic schling.]
[metallic schling.]
[metallic clanging.]
We must hide! They're a kappa! But like no kappa I have ever seen.
[dramatic music.]
[metallic clanging.]
[groaning.]
Aah! You are not unskilled, demon! A willow branch is thirsty.
Huh! [metallic clanging.]
And I will quench its thirst on your blood.
[metallic clanging.]
[dramatic music.]
I will save you, stupid rabbit.
Aah! Uh! Aah! Uh.
[bell dings.]
Ow! What the? My head.
Oh! What happened? Stop! Kappa, I sense you are under an evil enchantment.
Guys.
Uh.
The kid's right.
We're not bad guys, little pug kid.
Ronin rabbit here is.
Uh.
Usagi is my loyal bodyguard.
Even if he is a useless peasant.
Oh, man, what a headache.
Skull's aching.
Yeah, this is like a double chocolate Mikey pizza hangover.
I sense they are not evil.
Then what are these strange yokai? Strange? Look who's talking, a giant samurai rabbit.
All I remember is that blind wolf guy telling us to find this long-eared samurai.
What blind wolf guy? He summoned us here somehow, to your dimension.
He carried a black spear, like nothing I've ever seen before.
Black spear? That old, blind wolf is not blind, but possessed by evil.
His name is Jei.
He had you under a spell.
Where are you from? Who cares? Look how ugly they are.
[growls.]
And my sensitive nose can't handle how bad they smell.
- Be silent, child! - Aah! Excuse the boy, kappa warriors.
Please, share our campfire.
Thanks, Usagi.
So what's your story? I was Lord Mifune's personal bodyguard in the battle against Lord Hikiji.
[dramatic music.]
Our forces might have been victorious [groans.]
had not a trusted general turned against our lord.
It was my duty to protect his flank.
Aah! I failed.
I became a Ronin, roaming the land.
Now, I am charged with taking this boy to the temple palace of his order.
But where do you come from, strange warriors? My brothers and I are from far away.
It it's kind of hard to explain.
Have we traveled back in time again? I don't think so.
We must have been transported to a different dimension.
one inhabited by anthropomorphic animals instead of humans.
Sounds like my kind of place! But how are we ever gonna get home? Hmm, the monks of Kintaro's order may know a way.
They are powerful mystics.
Ha! These turtles are doomed.
Whatever, Pug-taro.
- [growls.]
- Yeah.
That's what I'm gonna call you.
It's a way better name than Kintaro.
What would a simple reptile know? You don't even have ears or a nose.
[meowing.]
Ah, humph! both: [grunting.]
[dramatic music.]
[bird caws.]
[barks.]
Oh, I can't believe we're stuck here! Donnie, can't you invent something to send us back home? Well, I could build a portal to get back to our home dimension.
But manufacturing all of the necessary wires and components in this feudal age would only take approximately [mumbles.]
57 years.
Sweet! Good thing turtles have long lives.
Listen.
[wind whistles.]
What is it? I don't hear anything.
Horses are approaching from the east.
[horses clomping.]
[dramatic music.]
[horses whinny.]
Kintaro, are these the samurai who attacked the village? [horses whinny and neigh.]
They are.
That's Sumo Kuma.
We need to find out what his plan is for the boy.
But how can we get close enough to hear them? We're ninja.
We're experts at getting close to people.
[horses neigh.]
[whizzes.]
Ugh! Ugh! Bam! What Uh! Quick, before they realize they're missing a few riders.
What about me? You're missing a horse, fools! All right, get in there, shorty.
And don't make a peep.
Let me outta here! I told you I don't like small spaces! I will have your head for this! Don't worry, young one, this is for your own good.
Excitable little guy, isn't he? Hmm, not at all what I pictured as a mystical savior of the realm to be like.
I think he's just grumpy 'cause he missed breakfast.
We all did.
So hungry.
Quiet, Ninjas.
Let's blend in.
[horse neighs.]
Oh, man, easy girl! [horse whinnies.]
Why do horses hate me? [dramatic music.]
Hurry, stragglers.
Keep up! The master awaits us.
[horse whinnies.]
Spread out.
But do not let Sumo Kuma spot you.
[horse whinnies.]
I don't trust Master Jei.
But there is something in his voice that compels me.
He is a wise leader.
We must obey at whatever the cost.
Master Jei? [sniffs.]
Hmm.
[growls.]
[horse whinnies.]
We have intruders in our midst.
[metal clicks.]
[horse whinnies.]
Oh, no.
Watch out! [whizzes.]
Huh! Oh! Thanks, Usagi dude.
Aah! [grunting.]
[horse neighs.]
[dramatic music.]
Ha! How did you find us out? You smell different.
[grunts.]
What? Why do we smell different? We live in the sewer, dude.
Not hard to figure out.
[upbeat music.]
Ha! [grunting.]
both: [grunting.]
[groans.]
both: [grunting.]
Heads-up! Uh! [whizzing.]
both: [grunting.]
Hmm! Ah, uh! [horse whinnies.]
Ha! Faster, Kappa! We are losing them! [yelps.]
[horses whinny.]
Move ahead, Kappa.
Ha! Hoo! Ah! [metallic schling.]
Ha! [metallic clang.]
[growls.]
I have heard of you, long ear.
I will relish crushing your proud skull.
[roars.]
You are no match for me, little one.
Yea! [growls.]
[grunts and groans.]
Yea! both: [grunt.]
Kintaro! Saving this brat better be worth it! Hey! What's going on out there? You stupid kappa! I'll get you for this! You are the worst bodyguards! You couldn't protect a rock! [horse whinnies.]
Ooh! [groans.]
My brain feels like mochi! Ha! [whizzes.]
Aah! [horse whinnies.]
Ride! They're gaining on us! Hurry, Kappa! Ride faster! Oh, no.
Cliff! all: [scream.]
[grunts.]
[laughs evilly.]
You destroyed the entire family.
You demon! [laughs evilly.]
[dramatic music.]
[metallic schling.]
They were infected with evil.
The gods revealed their nature to me, as they do you.
[growls.]
both: [grunting.]
[dramatic music.]
[laughs evilly.]
I tracked you down to bring you to justice.
I see the evil in this realm, Ronin.
I am the definition of justice! Huh! both: [grunting.]
[thunder crashes.]
both: [grunting.]
The gods impart this skill to me, to cleanse the world of evil! both: [grunting.]
You're the evil one! [thunder crashes.]
both: Aah! [grunts.]
[groans.]
[laughs evilly.]
Who are you? [laughs.]
I am Kai, the blade of the gods.
Aah! [screams.]
[squeaks.]
[groans.]
[moans.]
[somber music.]
[heavy guitar chords.]
[glass shatters.]
Ahh! [driving percussive music.]
[jazzy theme music.]
[low growl.]
Now we're talking.
Yeah! I've got an idea! [groans.]
Aw, sewer apples! Booyakasha! [birds chirping.]
[wind whooshes.]
[dragonfly buzzes.]
[panting.]
[dramatic music.]
[crow cawing.]
[somber Eastern music.]
[dramatic music.]
I know you're here.
Come out! [barks and snorts.]
[fluttering.]
Huh? Akemi.
I'm glad you've come.
What happened here? A band of samurai.
They must have been Ronin.
They were led by a mercenary called Sumo Kuma.
I have never heard of him.
All my samurai have been wiped out and many villagers, too.
I barely escaped.
They ransacked the village looking for the holy child but could not find him.
Come, Kintaro is this way.
I hid him well.
[door creaks.]
It's about time! I was in there for days! How dare you treat me so disrespectfully.
I don't like small spaces! This is the holy child? Please humor him.
Kintaro has been pampered his entire life because he is the golden boy, destined to have superhuman abilities.
Just not yet.
My apologies, Kintaro-sama.
This is Miyamoto Usagi.
He is a fierce swordsman, and with his help, I will deliver you to the temple palace.
Bah! This sorry-looking long ear? He looks like he couldn't deliver sushi to a banquet.
[yelps.]
We must get started immediately.
The hour has already grown late.
Uh! Uh! Akemi.
You're injured.
But I am not hurt badly.
I must continue with you to escort the boy uh! No.
You are barely able to stand, much less travel over mountains.
You are right.
Kintaro, you must go with Usagi-san.
Do what he says.
I am not listening to this stupid Ronin.
He was late for the battle, and I don't like his face.
Taro-kun! Do what he says! He will protect you.
Well, I'll all right! But I will hold onto my Axe of Power.
Just remember your place, Ronin, and treat me with the respect I deserve.
Aah! Ugh! Good luck, Usagi-san.
[upbeat music.]
You don't even have a horse? What kind of Ronin are you? Can you carry me, you smelly rabbit? Hello! Can you hear me with those giant ears? Be silent, Kintaro-sama.
We must not be noticed on the road.
What? You dare insult the golden boy by offering a bone? [dramatic music.]
So, Ronin, the gods have brought you to me again.
No one has escaped my blade before.
I need great warriors to destroy you, Miyamoto Usagi, powerful pawns to strike when the time is right.
[speaking Japanese.]
[thunder crashes.]
[continues speaking Japanese.]
together: Aah! [dramatic music.]
Where where the heck are we? Donnie, were you messing with some portal experiment again? Why do you always assume it's me? These are the great warriors I asked for? [laughs evilly.]
[groans.]
Ahh, Turtle Ninja, mythic kappa of legend? I need your help.
I was attacked by a vicious rabbit Ronin.
Save me.
Save me from the wrath of this madman, please.
[dramatic music.]
We can take care of this evil jerkface for you.
No worries, bruh.
He is pure evil.
I can sense it inside of him, corrupting him like a plague.
[laughs.]
Uh! Ahh.
[sighs.]
Evil.
Yes, we can help you, old man.
No problem.
You can count on us.
Hunt down and destroy the long-eared Ronin who travels with a child.
But do not harm the boy.
Go! Do my bidding, Turtle Warriors.
Destroy the one called Miyamoto Usagi! [owl hoots.]
You're useless and slow and probably a terrible cook, too.
It's already night, and the camp should have been set up hours ago! We only just stopped.
You must be patient, Kintaro.
Unless you would like to help.
Do you dare suggest I dirty my hands with peasant work? Fool! He is still a child.
I must remain patient.
[dramatic music.]
What is this? [metallic schling.]
[metallic schling.]
[metallic clanging.]
We must hide! They're a kappa! But like no kappa I have ever seen.
[dramatic music.]
[metallic clanging.]
[groaning.]
Aah! You are not unskilled, demon! A willow branch is thirsty.
Huh! [metallic clanging.]
And I will quench its thirst on your blood.
[metallic clanging.]
[dramatic music.]
I will save you, stupid rabbit.
Aah! Uh! Aah! Uh.
[bell dings.]
Ow! What the? My head.
Oh! What happened? Stop! Kappa, I sense you are under an evil enchantment.
Guys.
Uh.
The kid's right.
We're not bad guys, little pug kid.
Ronin rabbit here is.
Uh.
Usagi is my loyal bodyguard.
Even if he is a useless peasant.
Oh, man, what a headache.
Skull's aching.
Yeah, this is like a double chocolate Mikey pizza hangover.
I sense they are not evil.
Then what are these strange yokai? Strange? Look who's talking, a giant samurai rabbit.
All I remember is that blind wolf guy telling us to find this long-eared samurai.
What blind wolf guy? He summoned us here somehow, to your dimension.
He carried a black spear, like nothing I've ever seen before.
Black spear? That old, blind wolf is not blind, but possessed by evil.
His name is Jei.
He had you under a spell.
Where are you from? Who cares? Look how ugly they are.
[growls.]
And my sensitive nose can't handle how bad they smell.
- Be silent, child! - Aah! Excuse the boy, kappa warriors.
Please, share our campfire.
Thanks, Usagi.
So what's your story? I was Lord Mifune's personal bodyguard in the battle against Lord Hikiji.
[dramatic music.]
Our forces might have been victorious [groans.]
had not a trusted general turned against our lord.
It was my duty to protect his flank.
Aah! I failed.
I became a Ronin, roaming the land.
Now, I am charged with taking this boy to the temple palace of his order.
But where do you come from, strange warriors? My brothers and I are from far away.
It it's kind of hard to explain.
Have we traveled back in time again? I don't think so.
We must have been transported to a different dimension.
one inhabited by anthropomorphic animals instead of humans.
Sounds like my kind of place! But how are we ever gonna get home? Hmm, the monks of Kintaro's order may know a way.
They are powerful mystics.
Ha! These turtles are doomed.
Whatever, Pug-taro.
- [growls.]
- Yeah.
That's what I'm gonna call you.
It's a way better name than Kintaro.
What would a simple reptile know? You don't even have ears or a nose.
[meowing.]
Ah, humph! both: [grunting.]
[dramatic music.]
[bird caws.]
[barks.]
Oh, I can't believe we're stuck here! Donnie, can't you invent something to send us back home? Well, I could build a portal to get back to our home dimension.
But manufacturing all of the necessary wires and components in this feudal age would only take approximately [mumbles.]
57 years.
Sweet! Good thing turtles have long lives.
Listen.
[wind whistles.]
What is it? I don't hear anything.
Horses are approaching from the east.
[horses clomping.]
[dramatic music.]
[horses whinny.]
Kintaro, are these the samurai who attacked the village? [horses whinny and neigh.]
They are.
That's Sumo Kuma.
We need to find out what his plan is for the boy.
But how can we get close enough to hear them? We're ninja.
We're experts at getting close to people.
[horses neigh.]
[whizzes.]
Ugh! Ugh! Bam! What Uh! Quick, before they realize they're missing a few riders.
What about me? You're missing a horse, fools! All right, get in there, shorty.
And don't make a peep.
Let me outta here! I told you I don't like small spaces! I will have your head for this! Don't worry, young one, this is for your own good.
Excitable little guy, isn't he? Hmm, not at all what I pictured as a mystical savior of the realm to be like.
I think he's just grumpy 'cause he missed breakfast.
We all did.
So hungry.
Quiet, Ninjas.
Let's blend in.
[horse neighs.]
Oh, man, easy girl! [horse whinnies.]
Why do horses hate me? [dramatic music.]
Hurry, stragglers.
Keep up! The master awaits us.
[horse whinnies.]
Spread out.
But do not let Sumo Kuma spot you.
[horse whinnies.]
I don't trust Master Jei.
But there is something in his voice that compels me.
He is a wise leader.
We must obey at whatever the cost.
Master Jei? [sniffs.]
Hmm.
[growls.]
[horse whinnies.]
We have intruders in our midst.
[metal clicks.]
[horse whinnies.]
Oh, no.
Watch out! [whizzes.]
Huh! Oh! Thanks, Usagi dude.
Aah! [grunting.]
[horse neighs.]
[dramatic music.]
Ha! How did you find us out? You smell different.
[grunts.]
What? Why do we smell different? We live in the sewer, dude.
Not hard to figure out.
[upbeat music.]
Ha! [grunting.]
both: [grunting.]
[groans.]
both: [grunting.]
Heads-up! Uh! [whizzing.]
both: [grunting.]
Hmm! Ah, uh! [horse whinnies.]
Ha! Faster, Kappa! We are losing them! [yelps.]
[horses whinny.]
Move ahead, Kappa.
Ha! Hoo! Ah! [metallic schling.]
Ha! [metallic clang.]
[growls.]
I have heard of you, long ear.
I will relish crushing your proud skull.
[roars.]
You are no match for me, little one.
Yea! [growls.]
[grunts and groans.]
Yea! both: [grunt.]
Kintaro! Saving this brat better be worth it! Hey! What's going on out there? You stupid kappa! I'll get you for this! You are the worst bodyguards! You couldn't protect a rock! [horse whinnies.]
Ooh! [groans.]
My brain feels like mochi! Ha! [whizzes.]
Aah! [horse whinnies.]
Ride! They're gaining on us! Hurry, Kappa! Ride faster! Oh, no.
Cliff! all: [scream.]