The Sopranos s05e06 Episode Script
Sentimental Education
# You woke up this morning # # Got yourself a gun # # Your momma always said you'd be the Chosen One # # She said you're you're one in a million # # You've got to burn to shine # # But you were born under a bad sign # # With a blue moon in your eyes # # When you woke up this morning # # And all that love had gone # # Your papa never told you about # # Right and wrong # # But you're you're lookin' good, baby # # I believe that you're feelin' fine # # Shame about it, born under a bad sign # # With a blue moon in your eyes # - # So sing it now # - # Woke up this morning # # Got a blue moon got a blue moon in your eyes, yeah # # Woke up this morning # # You say you woke up this morning # # The world turned upside down # # Lordy, well, things ain't been the same # # Since the blues walked in our town # # But you're but you're one in a million # # 'Cause you got that shotgun shine # # Shame about it, born under a bad sign # # With a blue moon in your eyes, yeah # # Woke up this morning # - # Uh-huh # - # And got yourself a gun # - # Woke up this morning # - # Got yourself a gun # - # Uh-huh # - # Got yourself a gun.
# What the fuck? Aw, shit! So, Bundino, why you fuck me like this? What the fuck you talkin' about? I got a whole leg covered with Neosporin.
I just spent an hour with the cops explainin' how it went down.
I no forget you professional criminal.
Let me ask you somethin'.
If I really wanted to rob you, you think I'd have to put up with this bullshit? Well, just so you know.
I didn't take your truck.
I lost my study guide, my fuckin' flashcards.
I'm sick of this fuckin' prejudice against ex-cons.
I never hire you if I no need Tony Soprano for union.
Not for him, I show you the fucking window.
Great.
Hey, I thought you liked the other one.
The Corn Pops.
Here, take it.
What, no juice either? I told you, write it down.
I'll have the girl pick up whatever you want.
She doesn't know the difference between fruit roll-ups and Pop-Tarts.
I know, everybody's an idiot to you.
You know they got these places called supermarkets where you go, and you buy the things that you like.
I'll reimburse you.
And when am I supposed to do that? Well, as far as I can tell, you spend most of your time on the phone or sittin' on the couch perfecting that pissy look on your face.
Add coming home drunk, sounds like you.
- What the fuck did you say to me? - Let the fuck go of me.
Or what? Or what? One of these days, you wait, I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass.
What's wrong with right now then, huh? What's wrong with right now? Come on! Blah.
Now you got nothin'.
# Angels sent you # # I've searched everywhere # # Just to find someone # - Thank you, Mary.
- You're welcome.
I hated to call you in but I got this midterm report from Mr.
Fiske, Anthony's English teacher.
And, uh, well, it doesn't hit the mail for a few days and I thought maybe we could get a jump on it and avert any real crisis.
Wonderful, another crisis.
He's still well below the C average he needs for the colleges we discussed.
There is also an issue with his five paragraph essay.
"Animal Farm"? Anthony submitted his one-line topic late.
Then two drafts.
The first was apparently sketchy.
The second, Fiske said, was "suspiciously cogent.
" Plagiarism.
He thinks my son cheated? He spent almost an entire Saturday afternoon at the library.
- I think it's obvious what's going on.
- What do you mean? Anyone else shows sudden improvement, he gets a gold star.
My son gets his act together and suddenly he's a cheater? I know what people think, Bob.
Italian-American, father in the carting industry Are you suggesting some sort of bias? Because that's a very serious charge.
I have met this Mr.
Fiske.
He's a cold fish.
Couldn't you or one of the other teachers talk to him? Tell him how hard AJ's trying? Nothing will make a better argument than continued effort on AJ's part.
But hey, there there's still a shot.
This semester's grade is heavily weighted on their term paper - on "Lord of the Flies.
" - My stomach is in knots.
That's why I thought it important that you come in.
Though it did take me about an hour to decide what to wear.
Me too.
Does that mean you've thought about my dinner offer? I probably shouldn't say this but I have thought about nothing else since you called.
Well, we can't do justice to any discussion of "Madame Bovary" over the phone.
That's the thing though.
That book was way over my head.
Why would you even be interested in someone like me? Because of just that.
I mean, who admits this stuff? Not only are you very attractive, you're unpretentious, - you say what's on your mind.
- So a big mouth.
I see how that would attract a man like you.
So, should we grab a meal or not? Well, there are other things to think about.
My husband for one.
Your husband's gonna have to get used to the idea that your life is moving on.
I'm not worried about my life.
Oh! You know what? Call me naive, but in this day and age I don't really think your husband if he found out is going to break his son's teacher's legs.
Not to mention how that would play in the admissions office at Arizona State.
I don't get it.
What's so funny about that? Honey, aren't you gonna eat something? Janice made lasagna.
It's not so great but you need something on your stomach.
We're gonna go.
Got to stop at my mother's.
Gwen just told us how you met.
They let you use the internet in the can? They let you post an ad.
I got to read some of that shit.
I bet it's hysterical.
He's, uh trying to concentrate.
"Vascular Physiology.
" "Neurotomy.
" Shit.
T made it out like it was a big gym test.
Some people don't realize what massage involves.
I'm practically doin' two years of medical school on my own right now.
One thing I learned in recovery, other people's definitions of you, sometimes they're more about makin' themselves feel better.
You got to define yourself.
Keep your eye on the tiger, man.
- See you, Tony.
- Bye.
I suppose I could speak with Monsignor Bava, have him call his nephew at Kmart.
That'll fix us in the Huggies department.
Well, the diaper drive covers "Clothe the naked.
" What do you say we work on "Feed the hungry"? - This looks delicious.
- Thanks for inviting me, Carm.
Pleasant surprise, indeed.
So, how goes life these days? Actually, I think I met somebody.
- Really? - Just kind of happened.
We had been working on this project together and suddenly we both realized that there were certain feelings.
And I like him as a person too, of course.
Don't get me wrong.
The funny thing is, I was sure he was gay.
He sort of reminded me of you.
He's an intellectual.
You know what I mean? Anyway, we had been friends, I guess, and then he called to ask me out.
And suddenly all the formality dropped away.
When I saw him the other day, he looked at me with this intensity.
Now I know it's wrong, but the truth is, I feel it too.
You know, if you really want to discuss this, I think we should include Tony in the conversation as well.
Why are you sounding, I don't know, kind of hostile? I'm not.
Perhaps that's your sin talking.
This is none of Tony's business.
Who knows what he's been up to, and not just during the separation either.
That doesn't change the fact you made a commitment to each other before God.
Maybe you should send the papal nuncio to Tony and remind him of that.
Why am I the only one held to any kind of standards? And for that matter, if this is wrong, why did God put this man in my life? Is it God that put him there? Or is there a particular need you have right now? See, I never understand this.
Didn't He put the need there? Say when, seņor.
You! Office! punched in yet.
This is still my time.
Yeah? I give you a hard time about my truck the other day.
Cops find two kids Feel free to apologize any time.
Anyway, they investigate.
Could be joyride.
But I think maybe behind it is my cousin in the north side.
- You know if they found my books? - Who knows? You study hard for massage, yeah? The licensing test is pretty hard.
Huge failure rate.
If you pass, then what you do with this? Be a professional masseur.
You no think of massage "kageh"? You know, small sauna.
Yeah, I could see it.
Four or five tables, soothing atmosphere.
Pipe in a little Keith Jarrett.
First thing, I get stuck with you.
I think, "Oh, shit.
God damn it.
He lazy American and criminal.
No good for Kim.
" But you work for Kim and future.
Like Korean people.
I wouldn't say that.
I come from Korea.
Only new shoes and uncle's address.
Worse than prison.
But I become "jah-soo-suhng-gah," the boss.
That's why I try to help you.
Help me how? What are you talking about? I stake you the money in a storefront.
I got a travel agency in mini-mall over at West Caldwell.
Shitty business with a fucking three-year lease.
You know, my daughter, very interested in massage.
Physical therapy.
Top two-thirds class.
Good for her.
It's a tough nut to crack.
She no like physical therapy no more.
Cripple people make her sad.
Now, she watch TV, live at home, do nothing.
You pass test then you, me, my daughter, we make the big success journey.
Okay? Jesus.
Yeah, all right.
I don't know what to say, Kim.
Thanks.
I laid it out for him.
He wants to move back here.
- It's got to be with your approval.
- This was your idea? It was mutual.
He's upset 'cause you don't get the kind of cereal he likes.
He threw it in the sink.
How am I supposed to focus at school with no breakfast? I got dizzy.
I'm sorry.
I don't see why the two of you can't work this out between yourselves.
Well maybe I don't want to live in a place where people use violence against children.
Violence? You're lucky I didn't put my shoe up your ass.
You see? Now that's abuse.
I know what my rights are.
I can call social services and they'll send a case worker.
Go ahead! He'll get the other shoe! - This is demoralizin'.
- Well, now maybe you see That a son of mine would even consider callin' in the authorities! - Go ahead, live where you want.
- Fine.
Family meeting? - Try to stay awake, AJ.
- Keep walkin'.
I just want my old room back.
You wanted to live with your father.
Live with your decision.
- I don't like it there.
- Funny, I thought I was the problem.
- I make you miserable, remember? - I never said that.
- You did.
- Absolutely.
For me to even consider having you back, we're gonna have to establish some non-negotiable ground rules.
- Like what kind? - Let your mother talk.
First and foremost, school comes first.
That means putting the brakes on your social life parties, phone calls, Devin.
You are at a crisis point grade-wise, so you will make sure that your work is done on time and correctly.
All right.
I will not tolerate cursing.
After 16 years of uninterrupted potty mouth from you people, I get slammed? This is my house.
You will treat me with respect.
Is that it? I want you to involve me in your life a little.
All right, fine.
All right.
Go get your stuff from the car.
We played that just right.
I think his time over there with me whipped him into shape a little.
Hmm.
I think you'll see a difference.
Which muscles attach to the coracoid process? Okay, I fucking know this.
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Oh, fucking study hall again.
Vito, where the fuck is my Tupperware? Keep your shirt on.
My wife's bringing it down this afternoon.
Pectoralis minor and the coracobrachialis, of course.
And? - Come on.
Even I know this.
- Fuck, fine, what is it? - Biceps! - What the fuck? Oh, fuck, I knew that.
My mind's all over the place.
Fear knocked at the door.
Faith answered.
- There was no one there.
- Why do you want to do this shit? So you can touch a bunch a strangers? You really skeeve the human body, don't you? You like this so much, let me ask you a question.
Why do pissing, shitting and fucking all happen within a two-inch radius? Everybody asks that, Paulie.
There's no answer for it.
They're all sources of pleasure, though.
Get the fuck out of here! I know this shit and then the next minute it's gone.
I don't know how you do it working full time.
If your parole officer's a problem, give our guy Jimmy Curran a call.
He's a supervisor.
It's not that.
It's all this pressure now that I got this opportunity.
Sungyon Kim, my boss, he's going to back me on a whole storefront operation.
The Korean? You're looking for money, why not come to me? Well, this is different.
This self-owned business shit is like a religion to these people.
Plus, the guy sees something in me.
You know, in some ways, the whole prison thing is not that different from being an immigrant.
Word to the wise: remember Pearl Harbor.
We really were the last people in there.
At least they were subtle about it.
Was it the stacking the chairs or running the vacuum? Relax.
Sorry.
"Madame Bovary.
" It's a first edition.
Well, Modern Library's first edition.
Thank you.
That is so sweet.
Honestly, though, I don't know.
The story's very slow.
Nothing really happens.
I think he could've said what he has to say - with a lot less words.
- Outside nothing happens.
But inside she has these extremes of boredom and exhilaration.
You should try it again.
And what a wonderful thing to have in a den.
You know, you look really beautiful in this light.
I don't do this a lot.
Do what? Sitting in a car, with a man, not really knowing what to do, or if I should at all.
And feeling like some teenager which was, believe it or not I have to tell you.
I haven't been with anyone.
You're a virgin? This is my lucky night.
Stop with the jokes.
I'm so glad you're here.
So, how was it? Oh, cut it out.
So, what is "Abelard and Heloise"? It looks religious.
I just like to read in there.
It's the classic story.
A 12th century scholar falls in love with his underage student, gets her pregnant.
God, in the 12th century? And they're found out.
And her uncle, the abbot, has him castrated.
It's timeless, really.
Even though he becomes a monk and she a nun, their passion burns on through these incredible letters through the rest of their lives.
You, with these books.
Education should never stop.
It enriches all aspects of life.
Hmm, I know.
I wish someone could convince AJ of that.
I keep thinking he could start over in college but who knows if he's even going to get the chance? He will.
All our students matriculate.
You got to be fucking kidding me.
No way! Why do they take so long? All they have to do is spit out the results.
That's me.
Blundetto.
I'm only authorized to inform you that your score meets or exceeds the required minimum for licensure.
And you're now board certified in massage and body work by the state of New Jersey.
Honey, you passed.
You passed! Oh Jesus.
I couldn't have done it alone.
Oh my God, look at you.
You did it, baby.
You did it.
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
It's been a month since my last confession.
- Carmela? - I had sex with that man.
I know we talked about commitment, the sacrament of marriage, but I don't know.
- You sound remorseful.
- I am.
I'm also confused, though.
The truth is I have been walking around on a cloud, like Maria in "West Side Story.
" It's not right.
Have you heard of "Abelard and Eloise"? I think it's "Heloise.
" And from what I remember it ends badly.
I know, exactly.
But, something in me has been reawakened.
And even if it never happens again with this man, just knowing that feeling of passion again, I don't know if it's ever going to go away.
- I'll need it.
- If it never happens again? Carmela, I can't absolve you of a sin you're going to continue to commit.
You need to show resolve, a firm purpose to change.
Yeah, I know, I know.
So, this man takes you to restaurants, fulfills certain physical desires, tells jokes.
But will he be there beyond the here and now? When you're too old to walk to the bathroom, will he be there to help you? What, and you think Tony will? Carmela, you took a vow.
You both did.
For your penance, I want you to do something kind for Tony.
- I don't think I can, Father.
- Then pray for him, not only that God will touch his heart but that He'll touch yours as well.
It's not much now, but it's a pretty flexible space.
Plus you got the dog groomer next door in case your Korean friend wants some lunch.
You know they really do eat dogs.
- Not all of them but I asked Kim.
- Jesus Christ.
I'm thinking of building a row of rooms here with different themes.
Asian for shiatsu, a little Danish thing for Rolfing, even though technically it's Swedish.
Well, sounds like it's all coming together.
Look, Ton', I know you're disappointed.
What the fuck you talking about? The way things turned out since I left the can.
Going civilian.
Over here I'm going to put an oasis with big plants.
Like a waiting area for the customers.
They could buy some $30 hand cream while they look at one of those fountains with the koi in it.
- I can get you the koi.
- Really, giant carp? How the fuck do you get that? It's done.
Don't give it another thought.
- Tony, you here? - Up front.
Hey.
I came by to get the keys.
I would have gone by the laundry but my dad's such a hard-on at work.
Tell me about it.
Amanda, this is my cousin Tony.
- Hey.
- Hey, how are you? Hey, do you believe there's a dog groomer there in case somebody needs a snack? Place is nice.
A little paint, maybe - Amanda, This is my cousin Christopher.
- Hey.
So, I met this guy at a club on Canal.
He says he can hook us up with ginseng, fake rhino, nerve tea, all that herbal shit.
We could keep it up front with the koi thing.
- If we're still doing that.
- Koi's taken care of.
Well, I got to book.
Nice meeting you guys.
What's she here for, happy endings? She's not going to do massage at all.
She's Kim's daughter.
She's trying to find herself.
She'll do the books and shit.
Oh.
Nice ass.
Those ceiling tiles come right out so I can install the sound system myself.
Think you could put in a word with number one daughter there? - For what? - Get some of that Kung Pao kootchie.
You fucking guys, this is important to me.
Sex agrees with you.
You look great.
You're being discreet, right? Well, sneaking around is actually half the fun.
It's like you have this secret, you know, you want to scream to the world.
Yeah, but do yourself a favor, though, huh? - Yeah.
- So, how was it? Uh, I will say that he took his time.
Oh, you're not getting off that easy.
Come on, details.
- Hello there.
- Hey, AJ.
Hey, Aunt Ro.
How was school? It sucked.
Mr.
Wegler pulled me out of language lab to go over my term paper notes.
I didn't have my stuff with me so he puts his faggy hand on my shoulder and says "Do your best.
" That's his job, to get you into college.
Or maybe he's just a big homo.
Could be.
I'm making ziti for dinner.
Go start your assignments.
I will call you.
Could I watch TV first? Promise me you're going to work later.
- But you got to help me.
- I will.
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, my Jackie.
- Oh, honey.
They never caught those goddamn Chinks who killed him.
Oh my God.
It hurts.
So I'm finding the other copy when Gene the actuary - completely unloads on me.
- Jerk.
Like yelling is going to make me do anything but screw up more.
You know you have to remember that when you're the boss.
The boss.
It's amazing, isn't it? Jerks.
Garbage pails are right there.
Come on.
- Holy fuck! - What?! Oh my God, is it a fetus? - Oh my God! - Shh! - It's crack, or crank maybe.
- They were drug dealers? Yeah, they were probably thinking they were being tailed by the cops.
Honey, your parole.
Happy? Come on.
I have never seen that much money before.
There's got to be Look at this.
You're doubly blessed.
You're right.
Kim, now this.
I am going to buy you a ring.
You are the sweetest, sweetest man.
But you should put it into the business.
See, I got to start thinking like that.
It's a learning curve.
Well, it seems to say here that this Piggy represents intellectualism over the physical.
So maybe the eyeglasses are symbolic.
And that's a good topic for section two in your outline.
AJ! Wake up! I'm not going to do this by myself.
How are you going to finish this paper? It's not going to write itself.
So now this so-called bag, you sure it wasn't on some old lady's arm? I can't believe she thought it was a baby.
People do that shit.
Madonn' mi'.
How many guys you got to jerk off on a massage table to make that? I don't know.
What do you charge without the table? Cristal, gentlemen? Keep it coming, honey.
From now on, anytime somebody steps in a pile a shit, it'll be known as a Blundetto.
To the Blundetto! - Oh, wait.
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
- I wasn't ready.
# Cross over the river, beyond every cloud # # She's past the wind # # Blowing loud # # Over the mountain # # A girl waits for me # My God, you scared me.
What are you doing here? Jesus.
Nice greeting.
How are you? Everything okay? AJ left this in his room.
Thought he might need it to turn in.
Did you even look at this? Who the hell is Anne Dunham? How the hell should I know? Well, she's obviously some girl who was an expert on "Lord of the Flies" three years ago.
This is an A-plus paper.
Since when do you eat duck? I can't believe he would do this.
Neither can I, considering how tight he is with money.
That's not what I meant.
You think he bought this? God damn it! Hello? Hi, I was just laying here thinking about you.
What are you wearing? Yes, hello, Mr.
Wegler.
I'm afraid now is not a good time.
I'm serious.
I want to know.
Uh, well, yes.
Thank you very much.
I will make sure that he brings it in.
Okay.
Goodbye, Mr.
Wegler.
I made reservations at that crab place down by the shore.
Dinner and a little night swimming.
Right, okay.
Thank you.
What did that fag want? Jesus Christ, Tony, everybody's a fag to you.
Maybe you're a fag, you ever think about that? Can I help it if I know one when I see one? Really? What are the signs education, culture? Sucking a guy's cock usually tips me off.
How do you know who sucks whose cock? You got a little secret? And what do you care, anyway, if somebody's gay? It must be some big fear of yours or you wouldn't talk about it so much.
I forget now.
What part of hell did you say they go to? Are they with the abortion doctors or the child molesters? - That was a long time ago.
- Now you're all open-minded that you got a couple of friends that are bologna smokers.
- Right? - What the fuck are you doing? Going for a swim.
Would you leave your goddamn socks here? Your underpants? # A girl waits for me.
# Hey, that's some beautiful suit.
I had to get it.
It went with the shoes.
Whose got those? Vito's guy? Vasily's, custom-made.
Only thing I ever found in the street is my first wife.
Dealer has 20.
Son of a bitch.
- Whoa.
- I just took a beating at craps.
- How you guys doing? - Pocahontas here is scalping us.
What's the matter? Just nothing.
I don't know.
I just keep thinking about AJ and that girl's paper.
Oh, it's a pretty common thing, Carm, really.
Honestly, you know, the important thing is you took a stand.
A lot of parents just take it in stride, or even condone it.
It's just the cheating, you know.
It's just not like him.
He's always done his work.
Poorly, a lot of the time, and late but he always did it, he never cheated.
Well, wait.
Didn't I read somewhere in his record that he stole a test at Verbum Dei? Please, no, that was just acting out.
He was with a bad crowd.
They were there to vandalize the science lab, but it was locked, so they stole some tests.
Well, I was a late bloomer too.
Union college took a chance on me because they saw that I had potential, but I wasn't that mature.
That's all this is.
AJ's just fighting to keep peace with the kids who seem further ahead.
You know, you ask me, I think he was driven to cheating.
It's that-that Mr.
Fiske.
He is ridiculous with the pressure.
I mean, how hopeless would you feel if you really worked on something and still got a "D"? I have been there, Carm.
You're worrying for nothing, I promise.
I have thought about this all day.
You know I almost called you from the faculty parking lot.
- Oh, Bob.
- What? Stop.
Bob, I What's the matter? I can't right now, I'm sorry.
I'm too upset.
Carmela, stay.
What are you doing? What kind of mother am I? I mean, look at us.
Do you realize under the laws of the Church I am still married? - The Church? - I can't do this tonight.
- I'm sorry.
- Jesus, Carmela, come on.
# Thrill me, thrill me # # Walk me down the lane where shadows will be # - # Will be, hiding lovers # Okay, thanks.
It was a fucking blast.
You sure you don't want to eat? Steak and eggs up by Skyway's.
- Oh, I can't.
- Come on, shut the door.
I'm going to mange then hit the sack for the next 14 hours.
# They told me be sensible with your new love.
# Hey, I thought once they move you upstairs you get to leave early.
No such luck.
Got a second? The Soprano kid.
How is he doing? Got his paper yet? Well, the usual.
Solidly below average.
So what, a "C"? Well no, that's a little generous for 10% insight, - 90% Cliff Notes.
- This is an important class, Tom.
Anything less than a "C" is going to blow that kid out at Arizona State.
You think it's going to make a difference? As dean of college admissions and head of your department, I happen to know it's a fact.
He's doing his best.
Well, like my dad used to say, "The world needs ditch diggers too.
" Let me ask you something.
How is floating this kid a C-minus going to fuck things up here? AJ Soprano's a spoiled lox.
He'd be lucky to go to a trade school.
It's a D-plus.
Tom, cut him a break.
So what does it mean to the kid who really breaks his ass in here if Fredo Corleone can get a "C" 'cause you asked? Is that what this is about? His background? Good night.
I'll be working over at the place.
That's good dedication.
Way to go.
See, regular people need a place to relax too.
They can't just hop on a plane to the Bahamas, right? Hey, guys, what do you think of Daddy's business? Jason, Justin, I'm talking to you.
- I like it.
- Yeah, it's nice.
Maybe someday when this thing takes off you guys can work here, like as a summer job or something.
Would you like that? Working with your old man? Sure.
All right, put those away.
You got to do your homework before I take you back or your mom's going to kill me.
Mom says we need helmets to ride the scooters you got us.
We'll stop at Sports Authority.
- Come on, do your homework.
- Where? I don't know.
Here, on the floor over there.
Hold it like this.
Ready? Ha! - That was fast.
- I took a shortcut.
You ever think of painting that ceiling? Maybe.
How about a glow-in-the-dark solar system like I had in college? - I was thinking blue, maybe.
- Mm.
You know, like when you stick your hand in the Caribbean.
Oh, yeah.
Do you think Union College is a good place for AJ? I don't know.
It could be.
You know, maybe you could tell them how he's a lot like you were when you were his age.
That's a thought.
So have you ever been to the Caribbean? Yeah, Barbados once, years ago.
- Oh, it was beautiful.
- Yeah, it is.
Maybe you could bring up the fact that he has ADD, because it's not the stigma it once was.
That's true.
It isn't.
Where are you going? Mmm.
Faculty lunch, right? Patty D'Amico brought them.
What's the matter, you okay? Maybe we should take a time out.
What? Really, why? Because every time I think about putting the arm on Tom Fiske I want to poke my eyes out with a knitting needle.
What does that have to do with us? I just think we should, uh not do this.
Oh no, no.
Here tell me.
I don't know any other way to put this.
I've been thinking and I don't know, I I think you're a user, Carmela.
What? Maybe you saw an opportunity in me and you just took what you needed.
Oh, that is not true.
I am here because I enjoy being with you.
It-it was wonderful, in fact.
Yeah, it was.
I mean, it is, I know.
How could asking someone you're with for help be using them? That's what people do.
Bob, this hurts.
Oh my.
Oh, my stomach.
I feel sick.
You strong-armed me using the only weapon you have your pussy.
How dare you talk to me that way? Okay, let's pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.
I don't.
Of course I don't have a fucking master's degree.
Leaving me with a massive hard-on the other night then practically attacking me sexually after you got what you wanted.
You know what, Bob? You are fucked up.
You need help, you know that? What a fucking idiot I am! Take it easy.
Believe it or not, I thought you cared about me.
- I thought you should know how I feel.
- Fuck you! You better watch your step.
Jesus Christ, it's 4:00 A.
M.
Okay, boys, hands on the table.
Full boat.
Jesus Christ.
- Three fucking jacks over here.
- You just keep jacking, my friend.
- That's it for me.
Tapioca.
- You blew the whole 12 grand? What, are you stupid? I got $400 left.
I punch-in in two hours.
There's no sense going home.
Oh, fuck.
Hello? - Hey, hon, I'm over at your mom's.
- Great.
Roadway Express delivered five massage tables.
There? They had that address by mistake.
I told them to deliver here.
They're still in the boxes.
I looked inside though.
They're pretty spiff.
That Salamanca fabric was worth it.
- It's like leather almost.
- Great.
- What's the matter? - This shit gives me a headache, details and all that stuff.
Oh you.
It's no big, for gosh sake.
We'll get Rudy's truck.
- Maybe I have a brain tumor.
- Honey, you don't.
I got this headache in my jaw.
I read it in "Time" magazine.
It's really not that likely, Jeez.
I got to get back to the painting or I'll never get out of here tonight.
I am so fucking sick and tired of your gambling and complaining.
I've got a headache! When I think of me waiting outside that prison for you to come out I want to vomit.
I am sick! I'm evil Hey, Henry Ford.
Big entrepreneur.
I like color.
My friend Pak come by? Fix the toilet? It's not fixed.
He's got to get a fucking part.
Oh, Pak, he good plumber.
Right over here, Wes-a Calwell.
"Wes Cahwel, Wes Cahwel.
" West Caldwell.
So, partner, we open in three day, huh? You fucking stroll in? - I'm over here busting my fucking ass! - You fucking crazy! I work in your fucking laundry all fucking day! You fucking scam artist! Fuck.
Ah! The pole is bent.
Somebody been punching this door? If you had a man around you wouldn't need to call me.
Yeah, right.
You're still young, Mel, a good-looking woman.
There's no reason you shouldn't move on with your life, if that's what you want.
Well, there actually was somebody.
And he seemed very nice.
Oh, that's good.
He was a wolf in sheep's clothing.
He made all these accusations about my character.
Whatever I say, whatever I do, because I was married to a man like Tony, my motives will always be called into question.
Well.
Hey.
Sit down.
You want something? What did you do? My back.
Fucking job.
A work-related injury.
So, here's the thing.
You mentioned you might need someone to run the swag airbags.
Bring me a vodka rocks and get me some kind of a cushion, will you? What happened with the massage parlor? It's hard doing business with strangers.
# I got a heart full of trouble # # A house full of sin # # Things are bad as they ever been # # If trouble were money # # I'd have more money than any man should # # I'm open for business in your neighborhood # # The blues is my business and business is good # # If I had a dollar for every broken heart # # I'd be drinking fine wine and eating caviar # # If trouble were money # # I'd have more money than any man should, yeah # # I'm open for business in your neighborhood # # The blues is my business and business is good, yeah # # Business and business is good # # The blues is my business and business is good # # The blues is my business # # The blues is my business # # I'm open for business in your neighborhood # # The blues is my business and business is good # # All right # # Oh, all right, yeah # # Hey, hey, hey, hey.
#
# What the fuck? Aw, shit! So, Bundino, why you fuck me like this? What the fuck you talkin' about? I got a whole leg covered with Neosporin.
I just spent an hour with the cops explainin' how it went down.
I no forget you professional criminal.
Let me ask you somethin'.
If I really wanted to rob you, you think I'd have to put up with this bullshit? Well, just so you know.
I didn't take your truck.
I lost my study guide, my fuckin' flashcards.
I'm sick of this fuckin' prejudice against ex-cons.
I never hire you if I no need Tony Soprano for union.
Not for him, I show you the fucking window.
Great.
Hey, I thought you liked the other one.
The Corn Pops.
Here, take it.
What, no juice either? I told you, write it down.
I'll have the girl pick up whatever you want.
She doesn't know the difference between fruit roll-ups and Pop-Tarts.
I know, everybody's an idiot to you.
You know they got these places called supermarkets where you go, and you buy the things that you like.
I'll reimburse you.
And when am I supposed to do that? Well, as far as I can tell, you spend most of your time on the phone or sittin' on the couch perfecting that pissy look on your face.
Add coming home drunk, sounds like you.
- What the fuck did you say to me? - Let the fuck go of me.
Or what? Or what? One of these days, you wait, I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass.
What's wrong with right now then, huh? What's wrong with right now? Come on! Blah.
Now you got nothin'.
# Angels sent you # # I've searched everywhere # # Just to find someone # - Thank you, Mary.
- You're welcome.
I hated to call you in but I got this midterm report from Mr.
Fiske, Anthony's English teacher.
And, uh, well, it doesn't hit the mail for a few days and I thought maybe we could get a jump on it and avert any real crisis.
Wonderful, another crisis.
He's still well below the C average he needs for the colleges we discussed.
There is also an issue with his five paragraph essay.
"Animal Farm"? Anthony submitted his one-line topic late.
Then two drafts.
The first was apparently sketchy.
The second, Fiske said, was "suspiciously cogent.
" Plagiarism.
He thinks my son cheated? He spent almost an entire Saturday afternoon at the library.
- I think it's obvious what's going on.
- What do you mean? Anyone else shows sudden improvement, he gets a gold star.
My son gets his act together and suddenly he's a cheater? I know what people think, Bob.
Italian-American, father in the carting industry Are you suggesting some sort of bias? Because that's a very serious charge.
I have met this Mr.
Fiske.
He's a cold fish.
Couldn't you or one of the other teachers talk to him? Tell him how hard AJ's trying? Nothing will make a better argument than continued effort on AJ's part.
But hey, there there's still a shot.
This semester's grade is heavily weighted on their term paper - on "Lord of the Flies.
" - My stomach is in knots.
That's why I thought it important that you come in.
Though it did take me about an hour to decide what to wear.
Me too.
Does that mean you've thought about my dinner offer? I probably shouldn't say this but I have thought about nothing else since you called.
Well, we can't do justice to any discussion of "Madame Bovary" over the phone.
That's the thing though.
That book was way over my head.
Why would you even be interested in someone like me? Because of just that.
I mean, who admits this stuff? Not only are you very attractive, you're unpretentious, - you say what's on your mind.
- So a big mouth.
I see how that would attract a man like you.
So, should we grab a meal or not? Well, there are other things to think about.
My husband for one.
Your husband's gonna have to get used to the idea that your life is moving on.
I'm not worried about my life.
Oh! You know what? Call me naive, but in this day and age I don't really think your husband if he found out is going to break his son's teacher's legs.
Not to mention how that would play in the admissions office at Arizona State.
I don't get it.
What's so funny about that? Honey, aren't you gonna eat something? Janice made lasagna.
It's not so great but you need something on your stomach.
We're gonna go.
Got to stop at my mother's.
Gwen just told us how you met.
They let you use the internet in the can? They let you post an ad.
I got to read some of that shit.
I bet it's hysterical.
He's, uh trying to concentrate.
"Vascular Physiology.
" "Neurotomy.
" Shit.
T made it out like it was a big gym test.
Some people don't realize what massage involves.
I'm practically doin' two years of medical school on my own right now.
One thing I learned in recovery, other people's definitions of you, sometimes they're more about makin' themselves feel better.
You got to define yourself.
Keep your eye on the tiger, man.
- See you, Tony.
- Bye.
I suppose I could speak with Monsignor Bava, have him call his nephew at Kmart.
That'll fix us in the Huggies department.
Well, the diaper drive covers "Clothe the naked.
" What do you say we work on "Feed the hungry"? - This looks delicious.
- Thanks for inviting me, Carm.
Pleasant surprise, indeed.
So, how goes life these days? Actually, I think I met somebody.
- Really? - Just kind of happened.
We had been working on this project together and suddenly we both realized that there were certain feelings.
And I like him as a person too, of course.
Don't get me wrong.
The funny thing is, I was sure he was gay.
He sort of reminded me of you.
He's an intellectual.
You know what I mean? Anyway, we had been friends, I guess, and then he called to ask me out.
And suddenly all the formality dropped away.
When I saw him the other day, he looked at me with this intensity.
Now I know it's wrong, but the truth is, I feel it too.
You know, if you really want to discuss this, I think we should include Tony in the conversation as well.
Why are you sounding, I don't know, kind of hostile? I'm not.
Perhaps that's your sin talking.
This is none of Tony's business.
Who knows what he's been up to, and not just during the separation either.
That doesn't change the fact you made a commitment to each other before God.
Maybe you should send the papal nuncio to Tony and remind him of that.
Why am I the only one held to any kind of standards? And for that matter, if this is wrong, why did God put this man in my life? Is it God that put him there? Or is there a particular need you have right now? See, I never understand this.
Didn't He put the need there? Say when, seņor.
You! Office! punched in yet.
This is still my time.
Yeah? I give you a hard time about my truck the other day.
Cops find two kids Feel free to apologize any time.
Anyway, they investigate.
Could be joyride.
But I think maybe behind it is my cousin in the north side.
- You know if they found my books? - Who knows? You study hard for massage, yeah? The licensing test is pretty hard.
Huge failure rate.
If you pass, then what you do with this? Be a professional masseur.
You no think of massage "kageh"? You know, small sauna.
Yeah, I could see it.
Four or five tables, soothing atmosphere.
Pipe in a little Keith Jarrett.
First thing, I get stuck with you.
I think, "Oh, shit.
God damn it.
He lazy American and criminal.
No good for Kim.
" But you work for Kim and future.
Like Korean people.
I wouldn't say that.
I come from Korea.
Only new shoes and uncle's address.
Worse than prison.
But I become "jah-soo-suhng-gah," the boss.
That's why I try to help you.
Help me how? What are you talking about? I stake you the money in a storefront.
I got a travel agency in mini-mall over at West Caldwell.
Shitty business with a fucking three-year lease.
You know, my daughter, very interested in massage.
Physical therapy.
Top two-thirds class.
Good for her.
It's a tough nut to crack.
She no like physical therapy no more.
Cripple people make her sad.
Now, she watch TV, live at home, do nothing.
You pass test then you, me, my daughter, we make the big success journey.
Okay? Jesus.
Yeah, all right.
I don't know what to say, Kim.
Thanks.
I laid it out for him.
He wants to move back here.
- It's got to be with your approval.
- This was your idea? It was mutual.
He's upset 'cause you don't get the kind of cereal he likes.
He threw it in the sink.
How am I supposed to focus at school with no breakfast? I got dizzy.
I'm sorry.
I don't see why the two of you can't work this out between yourselves.
Well maybe I don't want to live in a place where people use violence against children.
Violence? You're lucky I didn't put my shoe up your ass.
You see? Now that's abuse.
I know what my rights are.
I can call social services and they'll send a case worker.
Go ahead! He'll get the other shoe! - This is demoralizin'.
- Well, now maybe you see That a son of mine would even consider callin' in the authorities! - Go ahead, live where you want.
- Fine.
Family meeting? - Try to stay awake, AJ.
- Keep walkin'.
I just want my old room back.
You wanted to live with your father.
Live with your decision.
- I don't like it there.
- Funny, I thought I was the problem.
- I make you miserable, remember? - I never said that.
- You did.
- Absolutely.
For me to even consider having you back, we're gonna have to establish some non-negotiable ground rules.
- Like what kind? - Let your mother talk.
First and foremost, school comes first.
That means putting the brakes on your social life parties, phone calls, Devin.
You are at a crisis point grade-wise, so you will make sure that your work is done on time and correctly.
All right.
I will not tolerate cursing.
After 16 years of uninterrupted potty mouth from you people, I get slammed? This is my house.
You will treat me with respect.
Is that it? I want you to involve me in your life a little.
All right, fine.
All right.
Go get your stuff from the car.
We played that just right.
I think his time over there with me whipped him into shape a little.
Hmm.
I think you'll see a difference.
Which muscles attach to the coracoid process? Okay, I fucking know this.
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Oh, fucking study hall again.
Vito, where the fuck is my Tupperware? Keep your shirt on.
My wife's bringing it down this afternoon.
Pectoralis minor and the coracobrachialis, of course.
And? - Come on.
Even I know this.
- Fuck, fine, what is it? - Biceps! - What the fuck? Oh, fuck, I knew that.
My mind's all over the place.
Fear knocked at the door.
Faith answered.
- There was no one there.
- Why do you want to do this shit? So you can touch a bunch a strangers? You really skeeve the human body, don't you? You like this so much, let me ask you a question.
Why do pissing, shitting and fucking all happen within a two-inch radius? Everybody asks that, Paulie.
There's no answer for it.
They're all sources of pleasure, though.
Get the fuck out of here! I know this shit and then the next minute it's gone.
I don't know how you do it working full time.
If your parole officer's a problem, give our guy Jimmy Curran a call.
He's a supervisor.
It's not that.
It's all this pressure now that I got this opportunity.
Sungyon Kim, my boss, he's going to back me on a whole storefront operation.
The Korean? You're looking for money, why not come to me? Well, this is different.
This self-owned business shit is like a religion to these people.
Plus, the guy sees something in me.
You know, in some ways, the whole prison thing is not that different from being an immigrant.
Word to the wise: remember Pearl Harbor.
We really were the last people in there.
At least they were subtle about it.
Was it the stacking the chairs or running the vacuum? Relax.
Sorry.
"Madame Bovary.
" It's a first edition.
Well, Modern Library's first edition.
Thank you.
That is so sweet.
Honestly, though, I don't know.
The story's very slow.
Nothing really happens.
I think he could've said what he has to say - with a lot less words.
- Outside nothing happens.
But inside she has these extremes of boredom and exhilaration.
You should try it again.
And what a wonderful thing to have in a den.
You know, you look really beautiful in this light.
I don't do this a lot.
Do what? Sitting in a car, with a man, not really knowing what to do, or if I should at all.
And feeling like some teenager which was, believe it or not I have to tell you.
I haven't been with anyone.
You're a virgin? This is my lucky night.
Stop with the jokes.
I'm so glad you're here.
So, how was it? Oh, cut it out.
So, what is "Abelard and Heloise"? It looks religious.
I just like to read in there.
It's the classic story.
A 12th century scholar falls in love with his underage student, gets her pregnant.
God, in the 12th century? And they're found out.
And her uncle, the abbot, has him castrated.
It's timeless, really.
Even though he becomes a monk and she a nun, their passion burns on through these incredible letters through the rest of their lives.
You, with these books.
Education should never stop.
It enriches all aspects of life.
Hmm, I know.
I wish someone could convince AJ of that.
I keep thinking he could start over in college but who knows if he's even going to get the chance? He will.
All our students matriculate.
You got to be fucking kidding me.
No way! Why do they take so long? All they have to do is spit out the results.
That's me.
Blundetto.
I'm only authorized to inform you that your score meets or exceeds the required minimum for licensure.
And you're now board certified in massage and body work by the state of New Jersey.
Honey, you passed.
You passed! Oh Jesus.
I couldn't have done it alone.
Oh my God, look at you.
You did it, baby.
You did it.
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
It's been a month since my last confession.
- Carmela? - I had sex with that man.
I know we talked about commitment, the sacrament of marriage, but I don't know.
- You sound remorseful.
- I am.
I'm also confused, though.
The truth is I have been walking around on a cloud, like Maria in "West Side Story.
" It's not right.
Have you heard of "Abelard and Eloise"? I think it's "Heloise.
" And from what I remember it ends badly.
I know, exactly.
But, something in me has been reawakened.
And even if it never happens again with this man, just knowing that feeling of passion again, I don't know if it's ever going to go away.
- I'll need it.
- If it never happens again? Carmela, I can't absolve you of a sin you're going to continue to commit.
You need to show resolve, a firm purpose to change.
Yeah, I know, I know.
So, this man takes you to restaurants, fulfills certain physical desires, tells jokes.
But will he be there beyond the here and now? When you're too old to walk to the bathroom, will he be there to help you? What, and you think Tony will? Carmela, you took a vow.
You both did.
For your penance, I want you to do something kind for Tony.
- I don't think I can, Father.
- Then pray for him, not only that God will touch his heart but that He'll touch yours as well.
It's not much now, but it's a pretty flexible space.
Plus you got the dog groomer next door in case your Korean friend wants some lunch.
You know they really do eat dogs.
- Not all of them but I asked Kim.
- Jesus Christ.
I'm thinking of building a row of rooms here with different themes.
Asian for shiatsu, a little Danish thing for Rolfing, even though technically it's Swedish.
Well, sounds like it's all coming together.
Look, Ton', I know you're disappointed.
What the fuck you talking about? The way things turned out since I left the can.
Going civilian.
Over here I'm going to put an oasis with big plants.
Like a waiting area for the customers.
They could buy some $30 hand cream while they look at one of those fountains with the koi in it.
- I can get you the koi.
- Really, giant carp? How the fuck do you get that? It's done.
Don't give it another thought.
- Tony, you here? - Up front.
Hey.
I came by to get the keys.
I would have gone by the laundry but my dad's such a hard-on at work.
Tell me about it.
Amanda, this is my cousin Tony.
- Hey.
- Hey, how are you? Hey, do you believe there's a dog groomer there in case somebody needs a snack? Place is nice.
A little paint, maybe - Amanda, This is my cousin Christopher.
- Hey.
So, I met this guy at a club on Canal.
He says he can hook us up with ginseng, fake rhino, nerve tea, all that herbal shit.
We could keep it up front with the koi thing.
- If we're still doing that.
- Koi's taken care of.
Well, I got to book.
Nice meeting you guys.
What's she here for, happy endings? She's not going to do massage at all.
She's Kim's daughter.
She's trying to find herself.
She'll do the books and shit.
Oh.
Nice ass.
Those ceiling tiles come right out so I can install the sound system myself.
Think you could put in a word with number one daughter there? - For what? - Get some of that Kung Pao kootchie.
You fucking guys, this is important to me.
Sex agrees with you.
You look great.
You're being discreet, right? Well, sneaking around is actually half the fun.
It's like you have this secret, you know, you want to scream to the world.
Yeah, but do yourself a favor, though, huh? - Yeah.
- So, how was it? Uh, I will say that he took his time.
Oh, you're not getting off that easy.
Come on, details.
- Hello there.
- Hey, AJ.
Hey, Aunt Ro.
How was school? It sucked.
Mr.
Wegler pulled me out of language lab to go over my term paper notes.
I didn't have my stuff with me so he puts his faggy hand on my shoulder and says "Do your best.
" That's his job, to get you into college.
Or maybe he's just a big homo.
Could be.
I'm making ziti for dinner.
Go start your assignments.
I will call you.
Could I watch TV first? Promise me you're going to work later.
- But you got to help me.
- I will.
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, my Jackie.
- Oh, honey.
They never caught those goddamn Chinks who killed him.
Oh my God.
It hurts.
So I'm finding the other copy when Gene the actuary - completely unloads on me.
- Jerk.
Like yelling is going to make me do anything but screw up more.
You know you have to remember that when you're the boss.
The boss.
It's amazing, isn't it? Jerks.
Garbage pails are right there.
Come on.
- Holy fuck! - What?! Oh my God, is it a fetus? - Oh my God! - Shh! - It's crack, or crank maybe.
- They were drug dealers? Yeah, they were probably thinking they were being tailed by the cops.
Honey, your parole.
Happy? Come on.
I have never seen that much money before.
There's got to be Look at this.
You're doubly blessed.
You're right.
Kim, now this.
I am going to buy you a ring.
You are the sweetest, sweetest man.
But you should put it into the business.
See, I got to start thinking like that.
It's a learning curve.
Well, it seems to say here that this Piggy represents intellectualism over the physical.
So maybe the eyeglasses are symbolic.
And that's a good topic for section two in your outline.
AJ! Wake up! I'm not going to do this by myself.
How are you going to finish this paper? It's not going to write itself.
So now this so-called bag, you sure it wasn't on some old lady's arm? I can't believe she thought it was a baby.
People do that shit.
Madonn' mi'.
How many guys you got to jerk off on a massage table to make that? I don't know.
What do you charge without the table? Cristal, gentlemen? Keep it coming, honey.
From now on, anytime somebody steps in a pile a shit, it'll be known as a Blundetto.
To the Blundetto! - Oh, wait.
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
- I wasn't ready.
# Cross over the river, beyond every cloud # # She's past the wind # # Blowing loud # # Over the mountain # # A girl waits for me # My God, you scared me.
What are you doing here? Jesus.
Nice greeting.
How are you? Everything okay? AJ left this in his room.
Thought he might need it to turn in.
Did you even look at this? Who the hell is Anne Dunham? How the hell should I know? Well, she's obviously some girl who was an expert on "Lord of the Flies" three years ago.
This is an A-plus paper.
Since when do you eat duck? I can't believe he would do this.
Neither can I, considering how tight he is with money.
That's not what I meant.
You think he bought this? God damn it! Hello? Hi, I was just laying here thinking about you.
What are you wearing? Yes, hello, Mr.
Wegler.
I'm afraid now is not a good time.
I'm serious.
I want to know.
Uh, well, yes.
Thank you very much.
I will make sure that he brings it in.
Okay.
Goodbye, Mr.
Wegler.
I made reservations at that crab place down by the shore.
Dinner and a little night swimming.
Right, okay.
Thank you.
What did that fag want? Jesus Christ, Tony, everybody's a fag to you.
Maybe you're a fag, you ever think about that? Can I help it if I know one when I see one? Really? What are the signs education, culture? Sucking a guy's cock usually tips me off.
How do you know who sucks whose cock? You got a little secret? And what do you care, anyway, if somebody's gay? It must be some big fear of yours or you wouldn't talk about it so much.
I forget now.
What part of hell did you say they go to? Are they with the abortion doctors or the child molesters? - That was a long time ago.
- Now you're all open-minded that you got a couple of friends that are bologna smokers.
- Right? - What the fuck are you doing? Going for a swim.
Would you leave your goddamn socks here? Your underpants? # A girl waits for me.
# Hey, that's some beautiful suit.
I had to get it.
It went with the shoes.
Whose got those? Vito's guy? Vasily's, custom-made.
Only thing I ever found in the street is my first wife.
Dealer has 20.
Son of a bitch.
- Whoa.
- I just took a beating at craps.
- How you guys doing? - Pocahontas here is scalping us.
What's the matter? Just nothing.
I don't know.
I just keep thinking about AJ and that girl's paper.
Oh, it's a pretty common thing, Carm, really.
Honestly, you know, the important thing is you took a stand.
A lot of parents just take it in stride, or even condone it.
It's just the cheating, you know.
It's just not like him.
He's always done his work.
Poorly, a lot of the time, and late but he always did it, he never cheated.
Well, wait.
Didn't I read somewhere in his record that he stole a test at Verbum Dei? Please, no, that was just acting out.
He was with a bad crowd.
They were there to vandalize the science lab, but it was locked, so they stole some tests.
Well, I was a late bloomer too.
Union college took a chance on me because they saw that I had potential, but I wasn't that mature.
That's all this is.
AJ's just fighting to keep peace with the kids who seem further ahead.
You know, you ask me, I think he was driven to cheating.
It's that-that Mr.
Fiske.
He is ridiculous with the pressure.
I mean, how hopeless would you feel if you really worked on something and still got a "D"? I have been there, Carm.
You're worrying for nothing, I promise.
I have thought about this all day.
You know I almost called you from the faculty parking lot.
- Oh, Bob.
- What? Stop.
Bob, I What's the matter? I can't right now, I'm sorry.
I'm too upset.
Carmela, stay.
What are you doing? What kind of mother am I? I mean, look at us.
Do you realize under the laws of the Church I am still married? - The Church? - I can't do this tonight.
- I'm sorry.
- Jesus, Carmela, come on.
# Thrill me, thrill me # # Walk me down the lane where shadows will be # - # Will be, hiding lovers # Okay, thanks.
It was a fucking blast.
You sure you don't want to eat? Steak and eggs up by Skyway's.
- Oh, I can't.
- Come on, shut the door.
I'm going to mange then hit the sack for the next 14 hours.
# They told me be sensible with your new love.
# Hey, I thought once they move you upstairs you get to leave early.
No such luck.
Got a second? The Soprano kid.
How is he doing? Got his paper yet? Well, the usual.
Solidly below average.
So what, a "C"? Well no, that's a little generous for 10% insight, - 90% Cliff Notes.
- This is an important class, Tom.
Anything less than a "C" is going to blow that kid out at Arizona State.
You think it's going to make a difference? As dean of college admissions and head of your department, I happen to know it's a fact.
He's doing his best.
Well, like my dad used to say, "The world needs ditch diggers too.
" Let me ask you something.
How is floating this kid a C-minus going to fuck things up here? AJ Soprano's a spoiled lox.
He'd be lucky to go to a trade school.
It's a D-plus.
Tom, cut him a break.
So what does it mean to the kid who really breaks his ass in here if Fredo Corleone can get a "C" 'cause you asked? Is that what this is about? His background? Good night.
I'll be working over at the place.
That's good dedication.
Way to go.
See, regular people need a place to relax too.
They can't just hop on a plane to the Bahamas, right? Hey, guys, what do you think of Daddy's business? Jason, Justin, I'm talking to you.
- I like it.
- Yeah, it's nice.
Maybe someday when this thing takes off you guys can work here, like as a summer job or something.
Would you like that? Working with your old man? Sure.
All right, put those away.
You got to do your homework before I take you back or your mom's going to kill me.
Mom says we need helmets to ride the scooters you got us.
We'll stop at Sports Authority.
- Come on, do your homework.
- Where? I don't know.
Here, on the floor over there.
Hold it like this.
Ready? Ha! - That was fast.
- I took a shortcut.
You ever think of painting that ceiling? Maybe.
How about a glow-in-the-dark solar system like I had in college? - I was thinking blue, maybe.
- Mm.
You know, like when you stick your hand in the Caribbean.
Oh, yeah.
Do you think Union College is a good place for AJ? I don't know.
It could be.
You know, maybe you could tell them how he's a lot like you were when you were his age.
That's a thought.
So have you ever been to the Caribbean? Yeah, Barbados once, years ago.
- Oh, it was beautiful.
- Yeah, it is.
Maybe you could bring up the fact that he has ADD, because it's not the stigma it once was.
That's true.
It isn't.
Where are you going? Mmm.
Faculty lunch, right? Patty D'Amico brought them.
What's the matter, you okay? Maybe we should take a time out.
What? Really, why? Because every time I think about putting the arm on Tom Fiske I want to poke my eyes out with a knitting needle.
What does that have to do with us? I just think we should, uh not do this.
Oh no, no.
Here tell me.
I don't know any other way to put this.
I've been thinking and I don't know, I I think you're a user, Carmela.
What? Maybe you saw an opportunity in me and you just took what you needed.
Oh, that is not true.
I am here because I enjoy being with you.
It-it was wonderful, in fact.
Yeah, it was.
I mean, it is, I know.
How could asking someone you're with for help be using them? That's what people do.
Bob, this hurts.
Oh my.
Oh, my stomach.
I feel sick.
You strong-armed me using the only weapon you have your pussy.
How dare you talk to me that way? Okay, let's pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.
I don't.
Of course I don't have a fucking master's degree.
Leaving me with a massive hard-on the other night then practically attacking me sexually after you got what you wanted.
You know what, Bob? You are fucked up.
You need help, you know that? What a fucking idiot I am! Take it easy.
Believe it or not, I thought you cared about me.
- I thought you should know how I feel.
- Fuck you! You better watch your step.
Jesus Christ, it's 4:00 A.
M.
Okay, boys, hands on the table.
Full boat.
Jesus Christ.
- Three fucking jacks over here.
- You just keep jacking, my friend.
- That's it for me.
Tapioca.
- You blew the whole 12 grand? What, are you stupid? I got $400 left.
I punch-in in two hours.
There's no sense going home.
Oh, fuck.
Hello? - Hey, hon, I'm over at your mom's.
- Great.
Roadway Express delivered five massage tables.
There? They had that address by mistake.
I told them to deliver here.
They're still in the boxes.
I looked inside though.
They're pretty spiff.
That Salamanca fabric was worth it.
- It's like leather almost.
- Great.
- What's the matter? - This shit gives me a headache, details and all that stuff.
Oh you.
It's no big, for gosh sake.
We'll get Rudy's truck.
- Maybe I have a brain tumor.
- Honey, you don't.
I got this headache in my jaw.
I read it in "Time" magazine.
It's really not that likely, Jeez.
I got to get back to the painting or I'll never get out of here tonight.
I am so fucking sick and tired of your gambling and complaining.
I've got a headache! When I think of me waiting outside that prison for you to come out I want to vomit.
I am sick! I'm evil Hey, Henry Ford.
Big entrepreneur.
I like color.
My friend Pak come by? Fix the toilet? It's not fixed.
He's got to get a fucking part.
Oh, Pak, he good plumber.
Right over here, Wes-a Calwell.
"Wes Cahwel, Wes Cahwel.
" West Caldwell.
So, partner, we open in three day, huh? You fucking stroll in? - I'm over here busting my fucking ass! - You fucking crazy! I work in your fucking laundry all fucking day! You fucking scam artist! Fuck.
Ah! The pole is bent.
Somebody been punching this door? If you had a man around you wouldn't need to call me.
Yeah, right.
You're still young, Mel, a good-looking woman.
There's no reason you shouldn't move on with your life, if that's what you want.
Well, there actually was somebody.
And he seemed very nice.
Oh, that's good.
He was a wolf in sheep's clothing.
He made all these accusations about my character.
Whatever I say, whatever I do, because I was married to a man like Tony, my motives will always be called into question.
Well.
Hey.
Sit down.
You want something? What did you do? My back.
Fucking job.
A work-related injury.
So, here's the thing.
You mentioned you might need someone to run the swag airbags.
Bring me a vodka rocks and get me some kind of a cushion, will you? What happened with the massage parlor? It's hard doing business with strangers.
# I got a heart full of trouble # # A house full of sin # # Things are bad as they ever been # # If trouble were money # # I'd have more money than any man should # # I'm open for business in your neighborhood # # The blues is my business and business is good # # If I had a dollar for every broken heart # # I'd be drinking fine wine and eating caviar # # If trouble were money # # I'd have more money than any man should, yeah # # I'm open for business in your neighborhood # # The blues is my business and business is good, yeah # # Business and business is good # # The blues is my business and business is good # # The blues is my business # # The blues is my business # # I'm open for business in your neighborhood # # The blues is my business and business is good # # All right # # Oh, all right, yeah # # Hey, hey, hey, hey.
#