The Upshaws (2021) s05e06 Episode Script

1
[funky instrumental music playing]
I got your apology letter.
I would've preferred a muffin basket.
But I understand your situation.
You're poor.
Joke's on you.
I found five dollars in a coat.
Don't you owe me five dollars?
If that's what you remember, yep, sure.
Now, look,
am I your maid of honor again or what?
I guess.
But you don't get to get your hair done.
That's my revenge.
Regina, stop talking to your sister
and take Maya to something.
And you go get married.
First of all,
stop dragging my baby into rooms.
And Cree and I are good.
Since you're all good,
I'm going back to sleep.
I was flying.
I'm so glad
y'all worked through y'all bullshit.
Now I can get me some peace and quiet.
Stop the world!
Oh, my baby sister is getting married!
[Bennie] Damn, Althea.
That door was locked.
Why lock it?
What could someone take from you?
- Hey.
- [Althea] Hey. [chuckling]
I told you she wouldn't just send a gift.
But now I can rub her face
in my happiness.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Oh, w w wanna see my ring?
Watch how it sparkles
while I open my phone,
so you can see my man.
[Althea] Ooh!
Sometimes I think my flashlight is on.
Look at that.
[Althea laughs]
[Lucretia] Uh-huh.
I thought you was marrying Frank.
Who's this old man?
That's Frank.
Really? When was his last physical?
Think she's jealous yet?
He need a full blood panel.
And why does his body
look like it's coming to a point?
What kind of
How does it feel
being the last single Turner sister?
Oh, don't get it twisted. [chuckles]
I'm single by choice.
Lucretia's single by choice,
because every man on Earth
chose not to be with her.
[vocalizing]
Solid as a rock ♪
[vocalizing]
Solid, solid, solid, solid ♪
[funky instrumental music playing]
Bennie Upshaw!
- No. Personal day.
- [Tasha] Ah!
What do I care
about your mental health, okay?
You done broke up me and Noah.
No, your mouth broke up you and Noah.
Believe me, it did not.
[laughs]
Now, my words? Oh, my words did.
And you made me say them.
Can I make you say "goodbye"?
Look, you either get me back Noah
or you pay back
all the child support money
that you owe me.
I don't owe you shit.
You said if Kelvin came to live with me,
I didn't need to worry about it.
Well, start worrying about it.
Now, I let it go
because I was living with Noah.
Now that I ain't, ooh-ooh,
I done ran some rough numbers.
And with my calculations, I came up with
$8,746. That's what you owe me.
But I'mma give you a solid, player,
and I'mma round it up to ten.
You need to round your ass up out of here.
That's what you need to do.
Look, Bennie Upshaw.
- You will do right by me.
- [door opens]
Okay?
The man or the money. Your choice.
There's a man. Congratulations.
Boy, please.
I mean, no offense.
I'm sure you'll make someone very happy.
Oh, do you know anyone?
No, baby.
[instrumental music playing]
[laughing gleefully]
I done a vision board
every time I've gotten engaged.
You've never been married.
And that was my vision.
I found a stack of old Jet magazines.
Regina, you don't have enough house
in this house to be a hoarder.
And Jet? Ain't nobody trying to manifest
a beeper and some Luster Curl.
I wish I could manifest
some likable sisters.
Oh, hush. You love us.
Lucretia, I still can't believe
you getting married.
Aah.
But even the desert sees rain.
You remember when we used to play wedding
and Lucretia was always the chauffeur?
I liked the hat.
And the tips.
My pockets stayed full of Now-and-Laters.
Well, you're the bride now.
This is something that only comes along
six or seven times in a woman's life.
[cell phone pings]
Mm. Bernard isn't coming.
He and Sydney are going to laser tag.
It's all right. She's moving.
He only has three days
to squeeze in a lot of Daddy time.
Heh-heh!
Been there.
What? Everybody ain't trapped in Indiana.
There is life beyond the corn.
Hey, baby.
Grab a chair
and kick it with your aunties.
Yeah.
Loosen up your bra straps
and come hang out.
How old are you now?
Old enough to know
that I don't wanna be y'all's age
sitting around making vision boards.
- Whose age?
- Not you.
[Regina chuckles]
Just put my name on Aunt Lucretia's.
That life look dope as hell.
You think?
Yeah. Two yachts. Nice cars.
No man holding you down.
Wait a minute. Frank Frank is on here.
Or he was.
Oh, damn,
I pasted the Bugatti on top of him.
I'm gonna be like you when I grow up.
Build my empire,
lose it all,
and then marry a man for his money.
Respect!
- What the
- She not doing that no more.
It's all about love.
Girl, please. Nobody with that much bling
on they vision board
is worried about love.
You too? You think
I'm marrying Frank for his money?
Regina said you were.
That was before we got good. Right?
Now my name is Bennett,
and I already been in it.
I am not marrying Frank for his money.
Although I do have to say it a lot.
[instrumental music playing]
Bennie, how'd Kelvin break both his legs?
Where is he at now?
Why the hell
are you working on a Rubik's Cube?
It was crazy hard,
but I got the reds though.
I know I said it before,
but Takis are just plain good.
Oh, hey, Noah.
You know this is a trap, right?
You're going to hell.
I'm already in it.
[Tasha] Bennie Upshaw!
I am all out of outlets.
I'm gonna need you to unplug the lift.
Tasha.
Hey, man, when are you gonna take
her trifling ass back?
So this your plan?
You think the problem is
I couldn't find him?
Hey, man, you know [chuckles]
Tasha's a lot of things.
She's loud.
She's annoying.
One of the biggest mistakes of my life.
Get to your point!
Impatient.
I don't think she's marrying you
for your money.
Yeah, I didn't think so.
But then I added up my credit card bills.
- Oh wow.
- And all the Amazon boxes, not for me.
Oh, I got a call from your realtor.
The shop space that you wanted to rent,
under my name?
- [Bennie groans]
- It's available now.
Yes!
That's just me building a life for us.
Baby, come on. We out here. We doing it.
As long as y'all do it outside my garage.
Go on the side of the building with it.
I was already in my head about you
pushing our wedding back so much,
but now this? [hesitates]
Look, I love you, but this is ridiculous.
No, what's ridiculous is
that she's out there doing hair
under a Honda Civic.
Have you seen that?
What's ridiculous is
you haven't cleared me a space.
- Where can I work?
- You shouldn't be here!
- Where should I be?
- Goodbye, Tasha.
Noah, where you Noah, come on. Wait.
[groans]
Damn.
[clears throat] Anyway,
his loss. [chuckles]
Ah, I still want my money.
- [thud]
- [car alarm ringing]
Girl, I told you not to stand up.
[instrumental music playing]
Damn!
I know, right?
It don't make no sense.
They drug these.
Mm!
Shit. Where's the raspberry swirl?
Girl, that's been gone.
You know what?
This is all just too fancy for me.
Maybe we'll just get
a nice Costco sheet cake.
Too fancy for you?
Yes, for me.
You remember how we grew up?
Didn't have much
but were happy with what we had.
Salt of the earth.
Please.
You ain't happy unless your salt
is that Himalayan pink shit.
It has more minerals.
It's a fuller flavor.
What is going on with you?
[Lucretia sighs]
Ever since that damn vision board
I might have started seeing
a little bit
of what you might have been seeing,
vis-à-vis
me and Frank's Visa.
I'm seeing nothing.
I have been in your relationship twice,
and both times didn't end well.
I'm done.
I've decided I'm giving people grace.
If you say you love him,
then I have to believe you.
"Have to"?
I mean, isn't it obvious?
There's something deeper going on.
You don't see it?
I'm just eating cake.
What is your problem?
Will you just get in my business?
[instrumental music playing]
Tasha,
for the last time,
I work on electric cars.
I can't fix them
if you keep unplugging them!
First of all, as I said before,
I can't do a proper press and curl
with all these interruptions.
So pipe all that down.
[sighs heavily]
[scoffs] Girl,
I'd love to get my hands on that hair.
- What's wrong with my hair?
- Oh, nothing.
I mean, you made a choice. I respect it.
[sighs]
Tasha, four bad-hair days
is sitting out there in that lobby.
None of 'em have a car.
Okay.
Patricia, you are good to go, all right?
You make sure
you Venmo me this time, girl.
Okay? 'Cause last time,
you kind of forgot.
It took a couple of days.
That really pissed me off.
All right, Keesha.
I'mma sweep up,
and then I'mma rinse you next.
Ain't no next.
What you talk about?
You figured out my problem?
Yeah. I figured out my problem.
Regina.
[Bennie chuckles smugly]
Tasha, why you shaking down my man
for some money?
[Bennie] You wasn't expecting that.
Were you? We've grown.
I tell her shit now.
Baby, give us a minute.
No problem. I know it's gonna take you
a minute to whoop that ass.
Come on.
Okay. [sighs]
Regina,
I'm not shaking down nobody. Okay?
I'm just asking Bennie to do his part.
We've been doing his part.
But you not getting $10,000.
Oh, you coming at me
real, real hard and strong right now.
You know what I'mma say?
Like, pretty please,
'cause [breathes shakily]
Oh gosh. I don't know
what I'm gonna do. I'm so scared.
Don't do that.
- I can't control it.
- [Regina] Don't do that.
Now, I know that you're hurting
'cause you lost your man
Regina, I don't have time to hurt.
I'm back on my own.
No place to live.
No place to work. Okay?
You really think I wanna be here,
doing hair in some damn garage?
I'm worse off than I have ever, ever been.
It got quiet.
Did you hit her?
Is she waiting to fall?
What's up?
[Regina clears throat]
I can't believe I'm saying this.
We need to help Tasha.
No, she's the county's problem.
We pay taxes.
What happened?
Grace.
Grace happened, Bennie.
Who the hell is Grace?
Did she hold you down while she hit you?
Where's Grace?
It's the right thing to do.
[Tasha sighs]
Thank God for you, Regina. Thank you.
Seriously.
And, girl, I'm
I'm so glad that you don't realize
you too good for him.
- You let me down, Regina.
- Oh! [sighs]
Baby, she is the mother of your son.
Come on.
Yeah, but she is annoying as hell.
You see what she's doing.
Uh, yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes, she is.
Come on. We gotta find a way
to help her get back on her feet.
[snaps fingers]
We married into money.
- I'm finna call Frank and
- Absolutely not.
- Why?
- No.
We are not asking Frank for no money.
This is a nice-ass hotel.
I travel a lot.
I got a lot of points and miles and money
that you're clearly here to borrow.
You know, Frank, back in the day,
I would have robbed your ass.
But all I need is ten grand.
Why do broke people always say
"all I need"?
'Cause that's all I need, player.
Now, Regina sent me down here.
I didn't wanna come.
- Oh, really?
- [Bennie] Yeah, man.
[exhales sharply]
You don't know how hard marriage is.
Who you telling? [chuckles]
I was married.
Stop trying to change the subject, Frank.
No, the money's for my son, man.
I got crazy baby mama problems.
Know what I mean?
She trying to shake me down.
- But you wouldn't understand that.
- [Frank] Hey.
My wife passed a while ago.
Trust me, I made a couple of mistakes
between her and Lucretia.
Oh yeah? You was in them streets, Frank?
Or do they call them "boulevards"
where you from?
Real talk, Bennie?
I'm sad to leave Atlanta,
but I don't miss the distance. You get me?
Yeah, man. Shit.
Was I wrong about you?
Are you cool?
[Frank chuckles]
Tell you what.
Brother-in-law to brother-in-law.
Just let me get married,
get some things settled, and then
come holler at me.
I appreciate that, bro. [chuckles]
Hey, man,
you'd be surprised at what I deal with.
Oh Lord!
You got my money?
Tasha, I told your ass
to wait down in the lobby.
[mock gasps] With all of the hookers?
No.
Two of them had on my boots.
- Hey, Frank, don't let this affect us.
- [mouths]
I'll see you after the wedding.
That's a nice suite. I like it.
Frank Nitti.
After Frank gets married,
you are out of my life.
Duh. That's the plan.
- Hey.
- Hey.
[Frank] I thought
I was meeting you downstairs.
I couldn't wait to see you.
What the
Okay, uh,
Lucretia looking different.
That wasn't Lucretia.
And you need to get your Cadillacs fixed.
I think you mean "cataracts."
- Oh yeah, you know.
- I mean, come on, Bennie.
We done had a Black president. The fuck?
Huh. Whatever.
Frank's cheating.
Damn.
[instrumental music playing]
Hey, baby. What you doing here?
[door closes]
Drowning my sorrows in refined sugar
and complex carbohydrates.
We know you own a gym. Just say cake.
If you really wanna drown them,
try this triple-coconut guava.
It is so expensive and decadent.
I don't want no sheet cake.
Sydney leaves so soon.
Why couldn't Monique
have failed that test?
You know, this Black girl magic
is messing up my life.
Bernard, you sound like a Republican.
Now, listen to me, all right?
Sydney is your daughter too.
If you don't like what's happening,
then change it.
How?
I don't wanna put her through
all that lawyer custody crap.
You sure? Frank's a lawyer.
He'll fight her for you if I ask him.
Oh, Lucretia, you're doing it again.
Using the man!
The devil's in you.
All right. I'm not saying
to take her to court, all right?
But I am saying that you have rights too.
Just talk to Monique.
You know what?
You're right, Mom. Thank you.
- Mwah!
- [Regina chuckling]
[Regina] Now,
let me fix you.
[door closes]
What's happening, huh?
You're marrying a wonderful man.
Not if it's for the wrong reasons.
I can't do that to Frank.
Well, what are you gonna do, huh?
Cancel the wedding?
You would love that, wouldn't you, Regina?
You never supported me and Frank.
I'm sorry. It's just
It's all this sugar and booze.
That's all. Just the sugar and booze.
Well, in that case,
I'll pick up my own child.
No. I sent Frank to get Maya.
I been sending him on all kinds of errands
so I don't have to look him in the eye.
I ain't shit.
[instrumental music playing]
Yep. Here you are on the list.
Have a great day. Bye, Charlotte.
Hey. I'm here to pick up Maya Upshaw.
Name?
Maya Upshaw. I just said it.
No. What's your name, fancy man?
Frank Jones.
I ain't never seen you before,
Frank Jones.
I never picked her up before.
Well, your streak continues,
'cause you ain't on the list. Goodbye.
Look, I I have a conference call.
There she is. I got her.
Shu-blah!
- What the hell are you doing?
- Oh, my bad. I had the safety on.
Shu-blah!
[Taser clicking]
- [thud]
- Oh, he dropped quick!
Oh, Ella, you got it on high.
This ain't your night job.
[cell phone ringing]
Holla.
I got it.
Frank Jones, you're clear.
I said you're clear.
[instrumental music playing]
Man, Frank's side piece
was fine as hell.
Ooh! Wait, how'd Regina take it
when you told her?
She took it great.
'Cause I didn't say shit.
She'd tell Lucretia.
And I wouldn't get my money.
Come on, Davis. It's ready for you.
Man, I thought you and Regina grew.
I was rooting for y'all.
All right.
[Tasha squeals excitedly]
Damn, I'm a genius.
Oh! Boy, look at you,
looking like a Michael B. Jordan.
[Davis] Yeah? Yeah?
[scoffs] Yeah,
if he was allergic to everything.
Don't be pumping him up like that.
[Tasha] Ugh!
You look good.
Bennie?
Why am I getting angry phone calls?
Someone found
a hair weave in their fan belt.
Okay, that's my bad.
And I'm gonna need that back.
I'll deal with her later, Lucretia.
You just focus on your big day.
Wow. Look at you.
You really getting married?
Yes, probably.
[cell phone ringing]
Tasha, this better not be
a curling iron in the tailpipe.
Oh, it might be. I am missing one.
Hello. We're sorry.
What?
[hesitating] This this is she.
Is he okay?
Oh my God. Look, I I'm on my way.
[sighs]
Frank got tased by the lunch lady.
What?!
No!
[instrumental music playing]
I don't understand.
I put your name on the list.
Not quickly enough.
Are they taking care of you?
I mean, I don't see medicine.
I don't hear any beeping.
Why isn't anything plugged into you?
Trust me.
The last thing I need is more electricity.
It's not funny, Frank.
You scared me.
Man, just the thought of losing you.
I love you too.
Why'd you hit me again?
I didn't.
Uh-oh.
Nurse!
[instrumental music playing]
[romantic classical music playing softly]
Hi. Bride's side or groom's?
Uh, uh, ooh You know what?
You sitting next to me, chin dimple.
[Althea laughs]
We not blood, right?
My bad again, Cousin Henry.
Hey. What's going on here?
Good news. We talked it out.
Sydney's staying with me.
- Until the end of the school year.
- [Bernard] Right.
We'll work it out. And I get a house.
Um! Still my house.
You're just watching it.
Right. We'll work it out.
Ha! Oh, you guys.
That is so great to hear.
And don't you worry.
We'll take good care of her for you.
Oh, damn it.
Maya's eating rose petals again.
Maya, spit that shit out!
[romantic classical music continues]
- [Bennie chuckling]
- [man] It works.
[Bennie] Oh hell no.
That's her.
Frank invited his side piece
to the wedding?
[chuckles] That's some pimp shit,
but I can't let him do Lucretia like that.
[instrumental music playing]
[door opens]
Yo, Frank. Let me holler at you.
I said we could talk about money
after the wedding.
No, this ain't about no money, man.
Unless you got a few dollars on you now?
What is it, Bennie? I'm kind of busy.
That's the problem.
You've been getting busy.
I saw you cheating on Lucretia.
You didn't see anything. I'm not cheating.
At the hotel?
Little shawty, strapless black dress,
with a tattoo on her left shoulder?
I wasn't "looking" looking,
'cause I'm married.
[door opens]
[giggling] There you are.
I got your cuff links.
Aha!
I knew it!
This shit ends now!
I don't care how fine she is, Frank.
You ain't sleeping with her no more!
Ew!
I'm his goddaughter.
Oh, word?
[Bennie chuckles]
I'm so sorry. Welcome to the family.
I'll see you later, player.
[instrumental music playing]
Hey, Mama.
I know you're here with me.
And, yes, I'm fine with this outfit.
Can you believe it, Mama?
Your little girl's getting married.
I'm happy.
[door opens]
Lucretia.
I can't do this.
Step to the left, Mama.
Frank's coming to meet you.
What the hell you mean you can't do this?
- It's your family.
- You're not marrying my family.
Well, tell them that.
I've barely been here a week.
Regina tries to break us up.
Bennie comes at me for money,
then accuses me of cheating.
- Wh Why'd he say that?
- [Frank] And then
I got tased, Lucretia.
That was on me.
But why'd he say that?
He saw my goddaughter.
It doesn't matter.
I can't stand these people.
Who can?
This is just cold feet.
Truthfully?
I had some myself.
But, when you got hurt,
I realized it was just my family
getting in my head,
making me doubt things.
See? It's always your family.
They broke us up the last time
and the time before that.
Are they doing it now?
I don't know.
I mean
I love you.
But it's just too much.
I love you too.
But whatever we do here,
it's gonna be the last thing we ever do.
So what's it gonna be, Frank?
Am I eating cake alone?
[instrumental music playing]
[indistinct chattering]
Where are they?
Acting like
they're the only people with lives.
I gotta go buy parent clothes.
I said none of that.
Maya, baby, toss some flowers.
Let's get it going.
You don't gotta tell me twice.
[organ begins playing]
Can I still read First Corinthians?
Nobody wants to hear that.
I'm doing it anyway. This is my moment.
- "Love is patient."
- Oh, hold on, baby.
Frank and Lucretia are gone.
[gasping]
[Bennie] Oh my God!
Did he leave his wallet?
[instrumental music playing]
I can't believe
I finally got you to move to Atlanta.
You were right.
The only way we'll ever work
is far away from my family.
To putting me first Us.
I'm working on it.
[Frank chuckles]
[instrumental music playing]
I can't believe my sister is gone.
I mean, no no text, no calls, no nothing.
She just ghosted us.
Turned out to be a pretty good day,
though, huh?
Hey, guys.
Can I talk to you about something?
Hey, what's up, son?
So I know you know
that my mom's going through it right now,
and this may be a huge ask,
but I'm thinking maybe,
can she stay in the basement with me?
Just for a little bit.
It's really cool
that you stepping up for your mom, son.
And I'm proud of you.
But hell no.
Kelvin.
It's been a rough couple of days.
Your dad's tired. I'm exhausted.
Let me and your dad talk.
Thanks, Miss Regina.
[Regina sighs]
Now we're gonna tell that boy
that his mama can't stay here?
You know damn well
her slick ass is already in that basement.
[Tasha] Kelvin!
Is the Wi-Fi password case-sensitive?
Shit. What? Boy, I am whispering.
- Oh hell no!
- Hell no!
[instrumental music playing]
[theme music playing]