Bones s05e07 Episode Script

Hey.
Booth, right? - Huh? - You're a legendary shot, man.
- I'm Carson.
- I'm concentrating.
Heard you could shoot a hole through the middle of a dime on the run.
Excuse me.
Obviously got the wrong guy.
Aw, great.
I was worried you'd be gone.
- Uh, almost gone.
- Well, almost is almost.
If I ask you a question, can you answer it in plain language? - Yeah, I'll do my best.
- Great.
- So, um- Okay, what's our deal? - Our deal? - Yeah, yeah.
W-W-What are you? F.
B.
I.
Shrink? Friend? Objective observer? Oh-Oh-Oh You wanna know my primary role.
Okay, well, that depends upon a number of factors.
Sweets.
Plain language.
The F.
B.
I.
Hires me to evaluate agents.
You're an agent.
- So F.
B.
I.
First, me second? - No, Agent Booth, that's not what I meant.
It's okay.
I get it.
- Please.
Let me finish.
- You just called me Agent Booth.
That says it all, Dr.
Sweets.
I learned the importance of vocabulary choices from you.
- I gotta go catch a murderer.
- Booth.
- Why aren't you cracking wise? - Why? Because it's not 1945.
Well, shall I start making jokes? Just let it flow naturally, okay, Bones? I've noticed in the past when you're grumpy your mood tends to elevate when you tell me about it.
- Just had a bad day on the range.
- Is that a cowboy metaphor? No.
I just- Look, next week, I have to recertify as a marksman and I- I don't know if I'm gonna make the grade.
Well, obviously you need more practice.
Maybe this is all because of my brain tumor.
Highly unlikely, given that aiming a firearm involves your cerebellum and occipital lobe while your brain tumor Is temporoparietal.
Perhaps you should speak to Sweets.
Meaning what- this is psychological? - No.
I can't talk to Sweets.
- Why not? Why? Because he works for the F.
B.
I.
He's gonna go tell the Bureau I'm all loopety-doopety-doopy.
I can't have that.
- Sinkhole? - No, thanks, I already got one.
That's it there.
Big sucker.
Let's not do that right now, Officer Navarro.
All business.
F.
B.
I.
Gotcha.
Road collapsed about 4:00 a.
m.
Broken water main.
Took a car down with it, but nobody got hurt.
It's mostly pumped out now.
Then why are we here? Because you're the bones people, right? We've got bones.
Oh, they're green.
- That Is very Interesting.
- Be careful, Bones.
- They don't look right, you ask me.
- Why? Because they look green? Get closer.
That's not all that's wrong with 'em.
Definitely human.
The evidence down here has been totally compromised by water.
- Is it a kid? - You mean because of the small stature? No.
Dentition indicates late 20s, male.
- Why is he green? - Well, that's not really our highest priority.
W- Walt.
How can being green not be a priority, Bones? Oh.
Gold coin.
- Look at that, Bones.
Hey! - Oh.
What happened? Water main break.
Got another water main break down here.
Well, look at that, Bones.
You are at the end of a beautiful rainbow.
- Where I am is at the bottom of a muddy pit.
- Okay, think about It.
End of a rainbow, little green guy, gold coins.
What does that tell you? That I need an umbrella and that the remains are horribly compromised.
Tells me leprechaun.
Are you praying? - I'm making a wish.
- Same thing really.
Rather than counting on superstition to make you shoot more accurately you should just practice more.
Thanks.
Okay.
Why don't we just get Darby O'Gill there outta the pit and back to the lab, all right? Somebody shut the water off! Let's go! Shut It off! Leprechauns are thought to explode if you touch them with a broom handle.
"A": These remains show no signs of being exploded.
And "B"- I think you can guess "B.
" There are no such things as leprechauns.
This is good.
We're developing a shorthand.
The large skull and torso combined with short limbs and evidence of hypotonia points to achondroplasia.
- Dwarfism.
- Indeed.
I think I know why our victim's bones are green.
The soil is lousy with iron oxides.
That, combined with the acidic groundwater, turned the calcium in the bones green.
- How long would that take? - It depends.
- How far down into the bone does the green color extend? - Two to three millimeters.
I'm gonna go with two to five months.
So we have time of death, if not cause.
Most of the abrasions to these bones were caused very recently.
Well, a car fell on the remains last night.
That's gonna be a factor.
The question is, how did our leprechaun end up buried 20 feet under the street wearing only his knickers? Most likely scenario Is that he was murdered and tossed In a storm drain service tunnel or sewer.
A 60% subluxation between the scapula and the humerus indicates that his right shoulder was dislocated.
Congruent with having been dragged? As a literal dead weight, yes.
Firing! Two branzino, one duck, one rib eye rare! Oh, and one of the branzinos is without potato.
It's the customer's loss, the vile bag of gob slobber.
- So you prefer this to psychiatry? - Agent Booth! Yes! Yes, I do, as a matter of fact.
Yes.
Well, it's the smell.
Plus, let's face it, Chef Gordon Gordon Wyatt has more of a ring to it than Dr.
Gordon Gordon Wyatt.
What do you think? - Wow! That's amazing.
- Isn't it? Isn't it? - What do I owe this pleasure to? - Well, listen, I- Be careful with those morels, Edith.
They're $60 a pound! - Sorry, Chef.
- Chef, I need some advice.
I can advise you on how to cook an omelet - or how to sous vide a pork chop if you want.
- Can I go, Chef? - Yeah, go with those.
- No, I need some shrinky advice.
I stopped being a psychiatrist some time ago, as you know.
Firing! Three halibut, two shepherd's pie, one rack of lamb! Is it something to do with the jumbling your poor boggled noggin got last year? That's what I'd like to know.
My brain expertise these days is confined to preparing a superb sautéed cerveaux au beurre noir, I'm afraid.
- Maybe you could just pretend I'm a recipe that needs fixing.
- Go! - Tell you what.
- Wow.
Okay.
- Take that and that.
Go over to that table.
- Yeah.
Chef's table, somebody, please.
- Prepare.
Thank you.
- What about this? - If I eat this, it's gonna cure me? - Heavens, no.
But it'll give you something to do until my break.
Right.
Somebody, service over here.
Thank you.
The victim was struck in his face.
At the nasal and the zygomatic.
At worst, a blow like this would knock the victim unconscious.
Good find, Mr.
Nigel-Murray, but not cause of death.
I've cataloged a large number of remodeled fractures along the ribs plus bilateral flattening of the proximal radii.
Enhanced muscle attachments here and here indicate the victim was very strong.
I'd assume that was to compensate for his condition.
What if his strength wasn't compensation for his condition but led to all of these injuries? A super-strong dwarf such as might be found in The Lord of the Rings.
The victim has all of the occupational markers of a wrestler.
Oh, a midget wrestler.
Midget is not the proper term.
As a scientist, you should be aware.
It may not be the proper term, Dr.
Brennan but I can assure you, correct or not midget wrestling is an American pastime.
As wrong as that may be.
I'm trying to match the physical characteristics of our leprechaun to any professional wrestlers on the wrestling circuit.
Wrestling is popular in many cultures.
It was the supreme contest in ancient Greek games.
Well, those were mostly beautiful boys wrestling around all oiled up and naked.
That could be our victim.
The muscle development appears consistent.
The distinct curvature of the femur is undeniable.
Then it seems our leading contender is the Iron Leprechaun.
- So It was a leprechaun after all.
- Well, that's him.
But I'm fairly certain that Iron Leprechaun is not his actual name but only his wrestling moniker.
Thank you.
Oh, no.
This says that he's wrestling tonight.
That would mean that I was wrong about him being the victim.
Believe me, I'm as surprised about it as you are.
But perhaps this Iron Leprechaun will be aware of someone else who looked exactly like him disappearing.
I could spend the rest of my life analyzing the contents of that sinkhole.
Yeah, let's not do that.
Let's start with the coins.
All right.
Well, uh, Brennan found a Chinese Panda right beside the body.
Now within three meters, I found four Krugerrands, a French Rooster franc a gold Indian Head and a Canadian Maple Leaf.
- Worth a lot? - Well, the Rooster alone- Hey, thank you, Sandy- is worth about 400 bucks.
- Are any of these coins traceable? - No.
They're all common gold coins.
There's a hefty market in it for people who are afraid the economy will crash but it's not like they carry serial numbers.
- What about the gun? - It's a.
22-caliber Ruger Mark III.
Rusted beyond all belief.
It's loaded and unfired.
It could belong to our victim, or it could've been tossed in the sewer 20 years ago.
Let me know if you find something special.
So you failed to execute a simple plumbing repair.
Big whoop.
I had to get one of those "Dummy" books.
This is delicious.
I mean, it was- it was great.
You're- You're a good cook.
- You say you forgot about your rather distinctive belt buckle? - Yeah.
Bones had to remind me.
Well, none of these adjustments strike me as being particularly earth-shattering.
Ah, you haven't gotten to the juicy bit yet, have you? Oh, I see.
You've suddenly become an indiscriminate homicidal maniac.
Well, that is a cause for concern.
What it means is that I'm a lousy shot, and I have to recertify next week.
I don't know what you expect me to do about it.
The only time I've ever fired a weapon, it reared up and struck me on the forehead.
I just need you to help me fire my gun.
That sounds desperately phallic.
Is this maybe a sexual problem? Don't say that.
Don't even put that out in the air.
It would explain your reticence.
And why haven't you gone to see the estimable Dr.
Sweets for help? 'Cause I can't go to him.
He works for the F.
B.
I.
Right? You're Gordon Gordon.
Come on.
Help me out.
All right.
I'll tag along and I'll see what I think.
No, no, no.
I thought maybe you could just hypnotize me, give me one of those blue pills.
One quibble.
It's "chef," not "cook.
" Chef, all right? It may seem rather a picayune detail to you, but it's quite meaningful to me.
Okay.
Did Booth tell you about the plumbing? And the socks and the belt buckle and the shooting, yes.
- Anything else you noticed? - Why are you asking Bones? Well, she spends more time with you than anyone else.
I think that If Booth wants to be a better shot, he should just practice more.
Come on, Bumblebee! Come on, man! Ooh.
Ooh! L- I'm nearly certain that Is our victim.
What, the Bumblebee fellow or the elf? The leprechaun.
It's obviously the leprechaun.
Bones, you wanna go up and tell the poor guy he's dead, or shall I? - He does look a bit vigorous for a dead leprechaun, doesn't he? - That's not him.
- What do you mean? You said that was him.
- No.
That's him, in the poster.
- Oh.
- That's not.
His forehead- the frontal bossing Is far too prominent.
- Boo! That man is not the Iron Leprechaun! - What? - Boo! Fake! Fake! - Bones, what are you doing? Booing is the appropriate way to show displeasure at a sporting event.
- Fraud! Look at his femurs! - Shut up! - One cannot deny the femurs.
- Yeah, you can't.
One, two, three! Bumblebee- winner! Ladles and gentlemen! Ladles and gentlemen tonight's winner, at 4 foot 4, 122 pounds- Bumblebee Man! Let me handle this.
- Excuse me, pal.
F.
B.
I.
I wanna have a word with you.
- F.
B.
I? Oh, no! Oh, now I gotta go and get this guy? Come on.
Here we go.
- No, no, no, no.
Whoa, whoa.
You really don't wanna be- - Come on! - Come here! - Doing that.
- Booth? Are you okay? - What? I'm fine, okay? I'll get the guy out of the ring, and I'll talk to him.
What- Are you kidding me? - Booth, are you okay? Do you need help? - I don't need help.
I'm fine.
WIII you just get off my back? I'm really starting to lose my patience.
Ooh! - Look, sorry, I just- - Come here- What do you expect me to do? He came at me like a rabid ferret.
You suck! What was I supposed to do? - Dr.
Sweets.
- Dr.
Gordon Gordon Wyatt.
Well, Chef Gordon Gordon Wyatt, as a matter of fact.
So, observing your prey before heading on in to interrogate him, are you? Yeah.
Agent Booth has had me conduct more interrogations lately.
That's, uh, quite the vote of confidence.
I know why you're here.
Agent Booth left my office and immediately went to you, didn't he? No, I'm all right with it.
There have been a few changes In Booth.
- Since the brain tumor? - Yeah.
Is that why he came to you? He doesn't trust me? Oh, right.
How could I forget about cook-client privilege? Chef-client privileges.
Has he also told you about how now when he climbs stairs he leads with his right foot rather than his left? He holds his phone to a different ear, coffee in his left hand.
How wretchedly observant of you.
Not me.
Dr.
Brennan.
Would you like to accompany me? - To what end? - Double-teamed by a psychologist and a chef? It'll be epic.
My name's Todd Moore.
- Then who's this? - The Iron Leprechaun.
How many Iron Leprechauns are there? Just one.
At a time, I mean.
I took over when the last Iron Leprechaun took a powder.
- When was that? - About three months ago.
- What's this one's name? - That's Bryce DaFonte.
Well, I'm sorry to say, your predecessor is now deceased.
- We found his body at the bottom of a sinkhole.
- Bryce is dead? Aw, man.
Well, that totally explains why he'd bail on a sweet gig.
Being Iron Leprechaun is a sweet gig, is it? Yeah.
It's a very popular character.
Oh, you two think I killed Bryce tossed him into a sinkhole so I could take over the franchise? Well, I was there when Agent Booth identified himself as F.
B.
I.
And you ran.
Running away from the F.
B.
I.
Is always suspicious.
I'm Canadian.
My work visa expired a week ago.
I thought you were gonna ship me back to Sudbury.
Have you ever been to Sudbury? You woulda ran too.
Do you know anyone who would benefit from Bryce's death? Gidget, I guess.
She's like the Vince McMahon of our world.
How would this Gidget benefit from losing her biggest star? Well, when Bryce was the Iron Leprechaun she used to have to pay him a piece of the gate.
Me? Flat rate- 300 bucks a pop.
I'll tell you something else too.
They used to bump uglies.
And it didn't end so great.
Somebody murdered Bryce? Well, your number one draw disappears you had to have had a theory.
I just figured he couldn't handle what happened between us anymore.
- Murdered how? - Here you go, Gidget.
- W-What happened between you? - Come on.
We had a thing.
It got old.
I moved on.
Thought at first Bryce did, too, but it ate at him.
Guys are Like that, you know.
On the outside, It looks Like they don't care.
But on the inside, they're chewing themselves up like cancer.
I gotta be a suspect, right? We don't like to come right out and say that.
- Well, I know I am, 'cause Bryce was suing me.
- What was he suing you for? A bigger cut of the gate.
I didn't take it personal.
Maybe he did.
You know men.
Something goes wrong In the heart department it always shows itself in another way.
You know Bryce had a criminal past, right? Yeah.
He went to prison for assault during a robbery.
What can I say? Got a thing for the bad boys.
- Don't you? - No.
- I prefer good boys.
- Really? - Yes.
- Yeah.
So, you- Do you know if Bryce DaFonte owned a gun? Of course not.
He was on parole.
Tell you something though.
I had a sweet little pistol came up missing right about the same time.
Ah, thank you.
Do you know, there is something about an American diner griddle that turns out eggs that rival even the greatest boîte du dejeuner in all of Paris.
So, you've really done it, huh? Turned your back on psychiatry to cook.
Well, there's more than one way to feed people, you know.
You're irked, aren't you? Oh, no.
It's just- You gotta admit, all that experience and knowledge and wisdom trapped in a kitchen? It's crazy.
I would suggest that what really chuffs your eggs is that, in his hour of need, Booth turned to me for advice instead of you.
But Booth couldn't go to see you because your first duty is to the F.
B.
I.
Well, he should trust me.
- He does trust you implicitly.
- Obviously not.
He came to you, right? A chef.
But the point is, he would never do anything that would compromise your professional obligations.
He's too fond of you for that.
Did he say that out loud? He came to me knowing that I would consult with you.
Which is what I'd like to do now, please.
In short, he believes that his brain condition has rendered him incapable of hitting the broad side of a barn with his firearm.
That must really drive him up the wall.
Exactly.
So, I look forward to consulting with you on the strange case of the man hereinafter referred to as Agent B.
- Yes.
You know what I said about the eggs? - Mmm? It doesn't extend to the potatoes.
Oh, God.
Frozen.
Positive identification on the victim.
Bryce DaFonte.
That's a mug shot.
There you go.
Apparently, Mr.
DaFonte was somewhat violent before channeling his aggression more productively.
By pretending to be a vicious, head-cracking leprechaun.
Indeed.
Mm-hmm.
Thanks.
What are you doing? In searching for cause of death, I found three small grooves along the margin on three separate ribs- number two on the right, five and six on the left.
Not caused by being crushed by two million pounds of gravel and asphalt? The nicks are deeper than the extent of the green patina.
Telling us that they pre-existed the green.
Very good.
Okay.
- What else do these nicks tell us? - I haven't the foggiest.
Uh, were you aware that Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot? Keep looking, Mr.
Nigel-Murray.
Good morning, Agent B.
Hiya, Sweets.
Okay, about the other night when I came to your office.
"Nuff said, nuff said," said the blind man to the deaf man.
And in this case, I am totally the deaf man.
Not just deaf- mute.
You wanted me to talk to the victim's family with you? Yeah.
I got the twin brother and the sister-in-law.
They're in the conference room.
- What are we looking for? - Lies and guilt, Sweets.
What else is there? I was always worried something bad was gonna happen to Bryce.
I stopped worrying when he started wrestling professionally.
So, as far as you know, your brother put his criminal past behind him? Yeah.
He, uh, you know- He loved the whole leprechaun wrestling thing.
He quit drinking, made a Living.
- You were close? - We were twins, but no.
No, we weren't close.
Bryce was always a little jealous of Derek 'cause Derek was average-sized.
I'd have been jealous, too, if it worked out the other way and I got the short stick.
- No pun intended.
- That's not funny, Agent Booth.
- I tried helping Bryce out.
You know, got him jobs.
- When did you last talk? Mmm.
When Derek offered to testify at his parole hearing.
- Offered? - Bryce said he didn't need the help.
It wasn't Like that at all.
The- The whole parole thing was a lock, with or without me.
A lock? Bryce testified against his cell mate in return for parole.
- I think it was brave.
- It was stupid, Nicole.
Probably got him killed.
If you don't mind me saying, but neither one of you guys looks like a cop.
You look like a substitute teacher and a fry cook.
- A fry cook? - We're not cops.
We're professional interrogators.
- Nobody's a fry cook.
- The cops are in there.
Yes, In case you annoy us and we want an arrest made.
Any more cracks about fry cooks, and I'll have them come In here to rough you up! Okay, okay.
Uh, you and Bryce DaFonte were cell mates for, what, 16 months? Yeah.
I'm sorry for Bryce.
I liked him.
Made the cell feel roomier.
We have information that Bryce ratted you out so he would look good for the parole board.
I never took that personally.
Little guy like that, you gotta hold him to a different standard.
You were released, what, um, three months ago? Paid my debt to society.
Got a job.
- Road construction.
- Yep.
- Did you ever work in the Cleveland Park area? - Why? Because that's where your former cell mate was discovered- 20 feet under the roadway.
Well, I didn't put him there.
Hey, look, Bryce told them where to find my pruno and dope stash, okay? That's - That's small beans.
Three days in solitary.
I'm gonna kill him for that? All right, all right.
Look.
Me and Bryce cooked that dodge up together, okay? There was no chance I was getting out a day earlier than my full sentence due to a spitting incident involving the warden.
I figured, why not do my cell mate a solid and get him out? And believe me, DaFonte wanted out.
Well, everyone in prison wants out.
Nah, not like Bryce.
He was talking about escape.
He was highly motivated.
So what was the big rush? What you think? - I think perhaps a crisis of the heart and loins.
- Oh.
He got a Dear John letter from his lady love saying that she was thinking about calling it quits on him.
The least I could do for my buddy.
Wasn't nobody waiting on me on the outside.
So my psychic says that Brennan and Booth are Linked In a very profound way.
In order to eat that thing, you're gonna have to dislocate your jaw like an articulated python.
Yeah.
Tell me though have you noticed any behavioral changes in Booth since he woke up from the coma? He's not as happy-go-lucky as he used to be.
It's like he's sort of sad.
Mmm.
Perhaps the brain tumor forced him to confront his own mortality.
Booth confronted his mortality plenty of times.
I think that that dream he had about him and Brennan being married- I think that he sort of misses that dream.
It's like he's homesick for that place and those people.
You think Booth fell in love with Dr.
Brennan during a dream.
So do you.
Right? Well, I'm a- I'm a psychiatrist.
I'm - I'm not comfortable with answering.
No, you're a chef.
I am.
As usual, you- you see the truth of things.
Oh! Look, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
This is the most ill-conceived sapless, vomitous gargoyle of gastronimity I've ever encountered.
It's preposterous.
You can't - You know, you're really gonna have to learn to enjoy things the way that they are.
Mmm? Well, perhaps you're right.
The remains were covered with 150 years; worth of rubble.
That's a word I loathe.
Half-naked dwarf wrestler gets killed and his body gets dumped into some old hole in the ground? Most of what he was buried in- and what I found around the remains- was tile.
Translucent, ceramic, vitreous- dating back to the 1920s.
- What was that- some kind of Turkish bath? - No, a pedestrian underpass.
Here.
It collapsed in the '30s.
They just threw some rocks into it and paved it over.
Wait a second.
So what you're saying is you think the leprechaun's body was in that pedestrian underpass when the sinkhole happened? Yeah.
A guy his size, there could've been a way through it, especially with some digging.
That would've stretched from here underground to approximately the other side of the street and then maybe another 20 feet east.
"Cash for gold.
" Three months ago, this place got robbed.
No sign of forced entry to the doors or windows.
Alarm was cut from the inside.
Bad guys got off with bags of gold coins.
We think the robber may have been the victim in your sinkhole.
Well, I'll be damned.
The owners of this place will be glad to hear that.
Fraud unit suspected It was an Inside job.
- How much they lose? - Oh, 120 grand worth.
- I think I found the point of ingress.
- Whoa! You gotta be kidding.
Just thinking about it, I can't breathe.
Angela's sketch shows the collapsed pedestrian walkway comes five feet from this drain.
The victim was small and strong.
He could've dug his way through.
That's gotta be, what, 16, 18 inches? Honestly, I can't breathe.
I got anxiety thinking about a guy down there.
Bones, there's no way the victim could get his shoulders through there.
He-He could've made It.
Mostly naked, In his Lycra shorts.
We may even find a container of lubricant down there.
- Well, all we found were eight gold coins.
- Oh, yeah.
Classic accomplice rip-off scenario.
No honor between thieves.
What, I'm not allowed to chime in? I'm a law enforcement professional.
The only markings we know for sure came from before the sinkhole are these three little nicks on his ribs.
- Could he have been stabbed? - With what? The world's dullest knife? Well, perhaps something along the lines of a very dull hatchet.
To a little person, a hatchet would be the equivalent of an ax.
Assuming the accomplice was already lying in wait surely he would've had the aforethought to bring a more suitable weapon.
- Like a gun.
- Or a giant sword.
Or a gun.
But the killer would've had to have been an incredibly bad shot to merely graze his or her victim three times in such tight quarters.
Hmm.
Oh! Oh, I see! - If he- If he was reaching forward.
- Or wrenched.
Or if he was actually hanging from his arm and the killer shot down from this angle.
One bullet, fired from above, grazing these three ribs deflecting, piercing the diaphragm.
And, of course, as an achondroplastic dwarf his organs would be more tightly jammed together than an average person.
This would be his liver.
He'd have bled to death in minutes.
We found cause of death.
Yeah, there's some collateral damage to Booth's brain here.
That would result in the memory lapses, yeah but it doesn't explain any of his other symptoms.
- Ah, but I don't think Booth has brain damage.
- Then what's his problem? May I ask why you didn't publish your book on Booth and Brennan? What, is there a connection between my book and Booth's marksmanship? I believe you didn't publish it because you're afraid of how Brennan and Booth would react to its conclusion.
My book concludes that Brennan and Booth are in love with each other.
It's a scrummy conundrum, isn't it? I believe that, as a reaction to the childhood traumas of abuse and abandonment Dr.
Brennan utilizes her intellect to armor herself from intense levels of emotion like love.
And Booth? Well, subconsciously, he's sensitive to her vulnerability.
He knows that acting upon his feelings for her would amount to a kind of assault.
I couldn't agree with you more.
So, Booth not shooting straight is simply, what, a manifestation of his phallic frustration? He quite literally can't bring his weapon to bear.
Do I even have the right to publish my book and make public what these two can't even admit to themselves? Good Lord, don't ask me.
I'm just a chef, not a psychiatrist.
I gave up that game precisely so I don't have to face that kind of dilemma.
Great.
We do know that Hodgins found a.
22 pistol near the body.
It was fully loaded.
- It hadn't been discharged.
- Yeah, I know that, Bones.
I do work for the F.
B.
I.
So, has Gordon Gordon helped you at all with your shooting problem? - He doesn't see it as a problem.
- Then maybe you don't have one.
Have you ever considered the possibility that you might simply be getting older? Men do tend to decline physically past the age of 35.
Remind me again how great I feel after talking to you.
- Well, who else would always tell you the truth? - It does make me feel better.
- It makes no rational sense, but it does.
- Mmm.
Maybe I should start packing heat again.
- Packing heat? - Yes.
It's a colloquialism.
I-I'm quite a good shot.
If the leprechaun was shot, then where would the bullet be? I assume somewhere in the six tons of crap Hodgins hasn't sifted through yet.
Wait a second.
Did you just call forensic evidence "crap"? - It's colloquial again.
What do you think? - Very nice.
I like it.
- It shows that you're adapting.
- Well, I'm working on it.
And joshing around too.
Yeah.
I already admitted that Bryce and I had a thing.
Hey, where's that hot F.
B.
I.
Agent guy? If I'm gonna be interrogated, I want it to be from him.
That sweet little pistol you owned that went missing- is this it? Is that the gun that was used to kill Bryce? Uh, no, but it was nearby.
Then, yeah.
That's my pistol.
He didn't steal the gun from you.
You gave it to him because you were worried about his safety.
I'm not exactly the worrying type.
You wanna make out a little bit? People watching from behind that mirror kinda turns me on.
This- This persona she's projecting this little person cougar- she's either masking emotional pain or overcompensating for guilt.
Maybe you should tell Sweets.
Oh, believe me, if a chef can figure it out then a prodigy like Sweets would've got there long before.
Tell me.
What's your theory on why Agent Booth can no longer shoot straight? He should practice more.
B-But perhaps, in conjunction with his using the wrong foot to climb the stairs and his wrong hand to drink coffee he's closing the wrong eye when he aims.
Real marksmen keep both eyes open when they shoot.
Oh.
Well, that's what I get for using Quigley Down Under as a reference, isn't it? So, Sweets told you about the hands and the feet? Mmm.
We're consulting.
Patient confidentiality is being maintained.
And I won't tell Booth that you've been ratting him out to the F.
B.
I.
Behind his back.
"Ratting out" is an accurate phrase but somehow it doesn't seem true.
Hmm.
You've come quite a long distance since we last met if you can now see a distinction between accuracy and the truth.
I'm trying to help Booth.
I can be objective about his brain, and he can't.
Sometimes you have to help people against their wishes.
I can't think of anything I wouldn't do to help him.
- Can we listen, please? - Yes.
Did you give Bryce the gun because you knew he was planning a robbery? All I knew is Bryce told me he found a way to make a ton of money fast.
- Who was in it with him? - I don't know.
I think the reason you feel responsible is that if you'd paid Bryce his fair share he wouldn't have gotten himself killed.
Bull's -eye! Well done.
Bryce didn't need money to impress me.
- And it wasn't me he was worried about when he was in prison.
- Who was it? All I know is that Bryce broke it off with me.
Said he had to get serious with somebody else.
Said I wasn't enough woman for him.
W-Why is he looking at us? Jesus, it's about time, Sweets.
What took you so long? Don't answer that, okay? What did he get out of her? I have no idea, but the two of them are very excited.
- You wanna- - I wouldn't dream of it.
Please.
Okay, uh, murder victim told Gidget that she wasn't enough woman for him.
- So? - It suggests that, while in jail your victim was pining for an average-sized woman.
Vocabulary? That is your evidence? We subpoenaed the victim's cell phone records.
The only people he ever talked to were Gidget and his brother.
The victim's brother said that they were estranged.
And the victim's brother's wife is an average-sized woman, isn't she? - You want us to handle this? - No, no.
I-I'll handle this one, boys.
- Why did you bring me here? - We found Bryce right there.
He was crawling from all the way over there lugging his own weight In gold coins through a tunnel probably about- oh, about that wide.
He got out.
On the other end, he was shot and killed.
Now, why is it that somebody would do something like that? Greed? Bravery? He was doing it for you, wasn't he, Nicole? How long were you and Bryce seeing each other behind your husband's back? Since always.
Since high school.
I wrote Bryce in prison, and I told him that we had to stop.
But when he got out on parole, he begged me to choose him.
Got it in his head that to get me to himself he had to be a better provider than his brother.
Are you gonna tell Derek about us? No.
No, I'm not gonna say anything to him.
But I will tell you that if you've been in love with another man for 10 years your husband knows.
What I need to know is, who was helping Bryce out with this burglary? I don't know.
I don't know.
Probably somebody he met in prison.
He said that he would buy me anything that I ever wanted.
If I knew Bryce was stealing, I would've begged him to stop.
See, Ms.
DaFonte, when a man can't have the woman that he loves he gets a bit crazy.
One brother, he died for you right there.
The other one, your husband- you put him through hell.
- I still can't find a bullet.
- Well, keep trying.
It could have been washed anywhere by the water.
The guy's ring was nearly 30 meters away.
High school wrestling.
Now, that has got to be the victim's, right? Oh, I am back.
I mean, king of the lab.
Right? No.
Not king of the lab.
This is not the victim's ring.
Achondroplasia causes metaphyseal cupping at the joints resulting in large knuckles too- too big for this ring.
Well, then whose ring is this? Someone who went to the same high school at the same time, played the same sport but had average-sized fingers.
- We're good at this.
- Yeah, Bones.
This is what we do.
We're the best.
Mr.
DaFonte, thank you for coming in.
Yeah.
Uh, so, you got any news on my brother? - Do me a favor.
Just put your hand out like this, please.
- What's going on? Mr.
DaFonte, please.
Your hand.
Just like this.
When your brother came out of the tunnel, you reached out and took his hand.
He thought the two of you were working together, but you knew why he wanted the money.
When you shot your brother, the force partially dislocated his shoulder while the bullet traveled through the torso in a fatal trajectory, grazing three ribs.
You pushed him back into the tunnel, foot to face.
But he pulled off your ring.
- You're under arrest.
- Derek.
Why? - Come on, Nikki.
You know why.
You know exactly why.
- Let's go.
So, we found most of the gold coins in the victim's brother's crawl space.
I mean, most of them.
Not all of them.
The oldest murder of them all- brother slays brother.
Cain and Abel.
Doc, tomorrow morning, I gotta be on the firing line at 7:00 a.
m.
Sharp.
So you have to fix my brain damage.
You haven't got brain damage.
Gordon Gordon, they took out a brain tumor the size of a melon ball out of my head.
I can't shoot straight.
I can't tell If people are lying.
I have to get "Dummy" books just to do things.
I'm at a complete loss with stuff.
Not as a result of brain damage.
When you were in the coma, you got a glimpse of another world.
Right, and how does that help me aim my gun? Temperance Brennan.
You're in love with her.
You're building a world around her, a family.
We're not compatible.
She sees the world one way.
I see it the other way.
No, of course.
It's absolutely ludicrous, the idea of you two together.
But- The heart chooses what it chooses, doesn't it? We don't really have any say in the matter.
She doesn't love me.
I would know if she loved me.
May I counsel patience on this front? Hope and patience.
All right, so about my marksmanship certification- any advice? Grow a set! Be a man! Step up! She's your partner, for heaven's sake.
The job you do together is highly dangerous.
She counts on you for protection so you damn well better protect her.
- That's your big psychiatric advice- just grow a set? - Indeed.
When it comes to a man and his gun, a woman is the natural cure.
Take Dr.
Brennan to this, um- this shooting event of yours.
You won't fall In front of her.
Trust me.
Dr.
Brennan.
Hello.
Please take a seat.
Oh, well, why can't we sit out in the restaurant? Oh, no, Bones.
This is a great honor to sit at the chef's table.
- Huge.
- But it's in a kitchen.
It's hot and noisy.
It's a thing, all right? Just go with it.
So- Bones, um, would you do me a favor? Yes, as long as it does not involve me shaving my head.
You are making a joke.
- I'm becoming quite amusing.
- Yes, you are.
That's very funny.
Honestly, w- will you do me a favor? Yes, as long as I don't have to shave my head.
A little advice on the humor.
Once the joke happens, don't dog-pile on it.
Just let it go.
Do try these amuse-bouche.
It may look like sperm on corn smut, but I assure you they are magically scrumptious.
Be brave, my children.
Make a foray.
Cast off your shackles, et cetera, et cetera.
Abide by my exhortations to joie de vivre that you may be borne aloft on the trembling wings of giggling angels.
Excellent, Agent Booth.
What's that mean?