Buffy the Vampire Slayer s05e07 Episode Script

Spike.
He's known as William the Bloody.
Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes.
Spike has fought two slayers in the last century and he's killed them both.
I can't bite anyone.
I can't even hit people.
I've got this cute little government chip in my head.
She's everywhere.
She's haunting me.
Buffy, I love you.
God, I love you so much.
God, no.
I need to know more about where I come from, about the other slayers.
Maybe if I can learn to control this thing, I could be stronger, I could be better.
You know, it's probably none of my business, but I just gotta ask.
Did you smell this bad when you were alive? Cos if it's a postmortem thing, then boy, is my face red.
But, just so you know, the field of personal grooming has come a long way since you became a vampire.
You're going? Butyou were havin' so much fun a minute ago.
Buffy.
What happened? I can't believe I passed out.
Do you think I'm a total wuss now? Yeah.
I like a girl who can play a few hard sets of tennis with a major stab wound.
- You said it wasn't that bad.
- I said I've seen worse.
There's a difference.
- Well, at least no major organs got kebabbed.
- I still think you need to see a real doctor.
Then I'd be in a real hospital, which would get my real mom real freaked out.
I can't do it.
Don't worry.
Accelerated healing powers come with the slayer package.
And the boyfriend with combat medical training? That's just a Buffy Summers bonus.
So tell me about the bad guy or guys.
What do you thinkthey were? - Vampire.
- How many? One.
So, what? He was a super-vampire or somethin'? No, he was the regular kind.
He just beat me.
That ever happen before? I'm in the best physical shape of my life.
If you're asking how it happened, I don't - Dawn.
- Sorry to interrupt the sex-capades.
I just wanted to tell you that Mom's coming.
- Hi, Riley.
- Hey, Mrs Summers.
How're you feelin'? Fine.
Bordering on chipper and, tomorrow, planning on being obnoxious.
Glad to hear it.
Buffy, when you have a minute I'd like to go over the grocery list for next week.
- You got it.
- Are you disinfecting something? Mine.
Some nail polish experiments are doomed before they even begin.
Butyou keep pushing the envelope, honey.
Did I just pull a slayer-related Mom cover-up thing? - Come on, who's the man? - You are.
A very short, annoying man.
If I show you something, you promise you won't tell? Cool.
- I mean, gross.
- And Mom cannot know.
OK? You'll help me with the household stuff? I save your butt and you dump all your chores on me? Dawn.
I got it.
You're covered.
We're good.
Just lucky it's not bikini season.
So, Dawn takes household duty.
I'll take tonight's patrol.
- By yourself? - Just a sweep.
Do me a favour? Will you take the gang along with? OK.
I will patrol with the group tonight.
- When do I get to patrol? - Not until you're Never.
What's with the hand move? D'you see that? Does it mean somethin'? It's code.
I think it breaks down to "choo-choo".
It probably means to follow him.
That, or wait here for him.
Ask.
Riley! What's the all about? It means yell real loud so the vampires who don't know we're comin' will have a chance.
See, now he's all mad and sarcastic.
Because you were doin' all the yellin', Mr Stealthy Pants.
- It's their fault.
- If we split up, we could cover more ground.
I'll take the cemeteries, you guys get the Bronze.
Are we not being covert enough? - We're sorry.
- Sorry.
We'll be sneakier.
Promise.
OK.
Just ditch the chips and watch my back.
Done.
You know what he's like? He's like a cat.
You know, a big jungle cat.
How come I'm not like that? It's just so cool.
I think you're cool.
Here's another one.
Early 18th-century slayer.
Good.
Let's hope she'll be more helpful than this last one.
- Why? What does it say? - Same as all the others.
Slayer called, blah, blah.
Great protector, blah, blah.
Scary battles, blah, blah.
Oops.
She's dead.
Where are the details? Details? Well, it says this slayer forged her own weapons.
Gotta love a gal with an anvil.
But where are the details of the Slayer's last battle? You know, what made that fight special? Why did she lose? - You didn't lose last night, Buffy.
You just - Got really close.
I slipped up, Giles.
I've been training harder than ever and still I And there's nothing in any of these books to help me understand why.
I mean, I realise that every slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package.
But I want mine to be a long time from now.
Like a Cheeto.
If there were just a few good descriptions of what took out the other slayers, maybe it would help me understand my mistake, to keep it from happening again.
Yes, well, the problem is that after a final battle, it's difficult to get any Well, the Slayer's not She's rather It's OK to use the D-word, Giles.
Dead.
And hence not very forthcoming.
Why didn't the watchers keep fuller accounts of it? The journals just stop.
I suppose if they're anything like me, they just find the whole subject too Unseemly? Damn.
Love ya, butyou watchers are such prigs sometimes.
Painful, I was going to say.
Butyou're right.
Accounts of the final battles would be very helpful.
But there's no one left to tell the tales.
What? Ow.
Wait.
Not ow.
Are you feelin' all right, Slayer? This stuff usually hurts.
- Don't even start, Spike.
- What do you want? Slayers.
You killed two of them.
I did.
You're gonna show me how.
There are quite a few American beers that are highly underrated.
This, unfortunately, is not one of them.
Update, Spike.
We're not here to discuss the fine choice of hops.
It's about two slayers: one in China during the Boxer Rebellion, one in New York.
Both got killed by you.
Tell the tale, you get the cash.
Right.
You wanna learn all about how I bested the Slayers and you wanna learn fast.
Right, then.
We fought.
I won.
The end.
Pay up.
- That's not what I - What did you want? A quick demo? A blow-for-blow description you can map out and memorise? It's not about the moves, love.
And since I agreed to your little proposition, we can do this my way.
Wings.
- What? - Spicy buffalo wings.
Order me up a plate.
I'm feelin' peckish.
Excuse me As I thought.
Some nasty thing got a taste of you.
Don't get all excited.
I'm fine.
Right.
Stuck with a creature you loathe, diggin' up past uglies, cos you're fine.
- Just tell me what I wanna know.
- I told you.
No one's narrating on an empty stomach here.
- Were you born this big a pain in the ass? - Well, what can I tell you, baby? I've always been bad.
Luminous.
No.
Irradiant's better.
Care for an hors d'oeuvre, sir? Quickly.
I'm the very spirit of vexation.
What's another word for "gleaming"? It's a perfectly perfect word as words go, but the bother is nothing rhymes, you see.
Cecily.
I merely point out that it's a mystery, and the police should keep an open mind.
William, favour us with your opinion.
What do you make of this rash of disappearances in our town? Animals or thieves? I prefer not to think of such dark, ugly business at all.
That's what the police are for.
I prefer placing my energies into creating things of beauty.
- I see.
Well, don't withhold, William.
- Rescue us from a dreary topic.
Careful.
The inks are still wet.
Please, it's not finished.
Don't be shy.
"My heart expands.
'Tis grown a bulge in it, Inspired by your beauty, effulgent.
" Effulgent? And that's actually one of his better compositions.
Have you heard? They call him William the Bloody because of his bloody awful poetry.
It suits him.
I'd rather have a spike through my head than listen to that awful stuff.
Cecily? Leave me alone.
They're vulgarians.
They're not like you and I.
You and I? I'm going to ask you a very personal question and I demand an honest answer.
Do you understand? Your poetry, it's They're not written about me, are they? They're about how I feel.
Yes, but are they about me? - Every syllable.
- God.
I know.
It's sudden and Please, if they're no good, they're only words, but the feeling behind them - I love you, Cecily.
- Please, stop.
I know I'm a bad poet, but I'm a good man and all I ask is thatyou try to see me I do see you.
That's the problem.
You're nothing to me, William.
You're beneath me.
Watch where you're going.
And I wonder what possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven, and brought this dashing stranger to tears? Nothing.
I wish to be alone.
I see you.
A man surrounded by fools who cannot see his strength, his vision, his glory.
That and burning baby fish swimming all around your head.
That's quite close enough.
I've heard tales of London pickpockets.
You'll not be getting my purse, I tell you.
Don't need a purse.
Your wealth lies here and here.
In the spirit and imagination.
You walk in worlds the others can't begin to imagine.
Yes.
I mean, no.
I mean, Mother's expecting me.
I see whatyou want.
Something glowing and glistening.
Something effulgent.
Do you want it? Yes.
God, yes.
Guys.
- Whatyou got? - That's him.
Let's go.
- It sounds like a party.
- Forget about crashing.
There's too many of'em.
We'll come back at daybreak, when they're asleep.
It's OK.
We can kill 'em just as dead in the morning.
Nine in the corner.
So you traded up on the food chain.
Then what? No, please.
Don't make it sound like something you'd flip past on the Discovery Channel.
Becoming a vampire is a profound and powerful experience.
I could feel this new strength coursing through me.
Getting killed made me feel alive for the very first time.
I was through living by society's rules.
Decided to make a few of my own.
Course, in order to do that, I had to get myself a gang.
Perhaps it's my advancing years that makes me so forgetful.
Remind me.
Why don't we kill you? What's that? It's Spike now.
- You'd do well to remember it, mate.
- I'm notyour mate.
- And when did you start talking like that? - We barely got out alive because of you.
Everywhere we go, it's the same story and now You've got me and my women hiding in the luxury of a mine shaft - all because William the Bloody likes the attention.
This is not a reputation we need.
I'm sorry.
Did I sully our good name? We're vampires.
- All the more reason to use finesse.
- Bollocks.
That stuffs for the frilly cuffs-and-collars crowd.
I'll take a good brawl any day.
And every time you do, we become the hunted.
I think our boys are going to fight.
The King of Cups expects a picnic.
- But this is not his birthday.
- Good point.
Yeah, you know what I prefer to being hunted? Getting caught.
- That's a brilliant strategy.
Pure cunning.
- Sod off.
Come on, when was the last time you unleashed it? All-out fight in a mob, back against the wall, nothing but fists and fangs? Don'tyou ever get tired of fights you know you'll win? No.
A real kill, a good kill - it takes pure artistry.
Without that, we're just animals.
Poofter.
Now you're gettin' it.
You can't keep this up forever.
If I can't teach you, maybe someday an angry crowd will.
That or the Slayer.
What's a slayer? After that, I was obsessed.
To most vampires, the Slayer was the subject of cold sweat and frightened whispers.
But I never hid.
Hell, I sought her out.
If you're looking for fun, there's death, there's glory and sod all else, right? - I was young.
- So how'd you kill her? Funny you should ask.
Lesson the first: a slayer must always reach for her weapon.
I've already got mine.
Good thing, too.
Become a vampire, you got nothing to fear.
Nothing but one girl.
That's you, honey.
Backthen, it was her.
Just like I pictured it.
This good for you? I'm sorry, love, I don't speak Chinese.
A fella could get used to this.
Spike, look at the wonderful mess you've made.
That's a slayer you've done in.
Naughty, wicked Spike.
You ever hear them say the blood of a slayer is a powerful aphrodisiac? Here, now.
Have a taste.
- So where have you two been? - May I tell? No need to be humble.
My little Spike just killed himself a slayer.
Congratulations.
I guess that makes you one of us.
Don't be so glum, mate.
The way you tell it, one slayer snuffs it, another one rises.
I figure there's a new Chosen One getting chosen as we speak.
I'll tell you what, when and if this new bird does show up, I'll give you first crack at her.
I smell fear.
- Yeah, this whole place reeks of it.
- It's intoxicating.
Let's get outta here.
This rebellion's startin' to bore me.
It was the best night of my life.
And I've had some sweet ones.
What are you lookin' at? You got off on it.
Well, yeah.
I suppose you're telling me you don't? How many of my kind do you reckon you've done? Not enough.
And we just keep comin'.
Butyou can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand, and the armies of Hell besides and all we need is for one of us sooner or later to have the thing we're all hoping for.
And that would be what? One good day.
You asked and I'm tellin'.
The problem with you is you got so good you think you're immortal.
Not really.
I just know I can handle myself.
Then how do you explain this? So that's it? Lesson over? Not even close.
Come on.
Killed with her own weapon.
They ought to put this in a museum.
You know what they put in museums? Mostly dead things.
Give it to me.
- What? - Lesson the second: askthe right questions.
You want to know how I beat 'em? The question isn't "How'd I win?".
The question is "Why'd they lose?".
What's the difference? There's a big difference, love.
- How'd you kill the second one? - A bit like this.
- That didn't hurt? - I knew I couldn't touch you.
If there's no intent to hurtyou, then that chip they shoved up my brain never activates.
lf, on the other hand - See? Now, that hurt.
- Yeah? This hurt, too? Definite pain there.
How'd you kill 'em, Spike? - You're not ready to know.
- I'm ready.
OK, then.
Went like this.
The first one was all business, but the second, she had a touch of your style.
She was cunning, resourceful.
And did I mention? Hot.
- I could've danced all night with her.
- Think we're dancing? That's all we've ever done.
And the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop.
Every day you wake up, the same question haunts you: "Is today the day I die?" Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later it's gonna catch you.
And part of you wants it.
Not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it.
Death is your art.
You make it with your hands, day after day.
That final gasp.
That look of peace.
Part of you is desperate to know: "What's it like? Where does it lead you?" And now, you see, that's the secret.
Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land.
She merely wanted it.
Every slayer has a death wish.
Even you.
The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world.
Your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies.
They all tie you here, butyou're just puttin' off the inevitable.
Sooner or later, you're gonna want it.
And the second that happens, you know I'll be there.
I'll slip in.
Have myself a real good day.
Here endeth the lesson.
I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did.
Get out of my sight, Spike.
Now.
Did I scare ya? You're the Slayer.
Do somethin' about it.
Hit me.
Come on.
One good swing.
You know you want to.
- I mean it.
- So do I.
Give it me good, Buffy.
Do it.
Spike.
What the hell are you doing? Come on.
I can feel it, Slayer.
You know you wanna dance.
Say it's true.
Say I do want to.
It wouldn't be you, Spike.
It would never be you.
You're beneath me.
- Spike, what are you doing? - "Beneath me"? I'll show her.
Put her six bloody feet beneath me.
Hasn't got a death wish? Bitch won't need one.
OK, I'm trying to be supportive here, so don't drive a stake through my heart.
Butyou can't kill Buffy.
She's the Slayer.
She is so gonna kick your ass.
I've got two barrels here that'll prove you wrong.
I knew you'd take this personally.
You are so sensitive.
How are you gonna kill her? Think.
The second you even point that thing at her, you're gonna be all Then you'll get bitch-slapped up and down Main Street unless she stakes you.
Sure, it'll hurt like hell for about two hours, but she'll be dead just a little longer than that.
Fine.
But don't come crying to me when you fail.
You couldn't kill her before you got the chip.
You had plenty of chances.
- Why can'tyou kill her? - You're the one who keeps bringin' her up.
I haven't said a word about the Slayer since we left California.
She's on the other side of the planet, Dru.
Butyou're lying.
I can still see her floating all around you, laughing.
Why? Why won'tyou push her away? But I did, pet.
I did it for you.
You keep punishing me.
Carrying on with creatures like this.
OK, you guys obviously have a thing going on here.
I have to find my pleasures, Spike.
- You taste like ashes.
- So this is my fault now? I didn't know she was seein' somebody.
- I should take off.
- Yeah, why don'tyou do that? You can't blame the girl, Spike.
You're all covered with her.
I look atyou, all I see is the Slayer.
- I put together that grocery list for you.
- Great.
Thanks, hon.
- Are you OK? - I'm fine.
- Have you seen my conditioner? - Did you look under the sink? Where are you going? I was hoping to put this off, but You knowthe "nothing" that I've been dealing with for the last couple of weeks? It might not be nothing.
What is it? I'm staying overnight at the hospital for observation.
I'm getting a CAT scan.
It's only one night.
And they say, even if there is something, it's still very early if they didn't see it before.
I'm gonna be fine.
I know you will.
What do you want now? What's wrong? I don't wanna talk about it.
Is there something I can do?