Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s05e07 Episode Script

1
>> BBBBBB-YEAH.
>> HEY, GUYS, WAKE UP!
YOO-HOO!
WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND?
I'M RED-HOT, BABY!
RIGHT HERE! PICK ME!
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
THE LIGHT DON'T GET ANY GREENER.
EDDY GOING ONCE.
EDDY GOING TWICE.
SOLD TO THE GUY WITH >>
HIS SHRIEKS RIP THROUGH ROLF.
LIKE NANA'S CABBAGE STEW!
CONTINUE, YES?
>> RIGHT.
NAZZ, YOU'RE ON MY TEAM.
>> AWESOME!
>> VERY WELL, THEN.
ROLF CHOOSES THE STRENGTH
OF PEN LICKY BUCKETS, ED BOY.
>> AH, KICKING
THE BUCKET, GUYS.
>> YO, JONNY,
YOU'RE WITH ME.
>> MAMA'S
GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT!
>> AH-HA!
YOU GOTTA PICK ME NOW.
>> ROLF CHOOSES
THE WOOD, YES?
>> OH, COME ON!
IT'S A HUNK OF WOOD
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
>> MY BALL!
>> OVER HERE, KEV!
>> ED, BOY.
CATCH ME FLYING SPHERE!
>> I GOT HIM
COVERED, GUYS.
>> NICE CATCH, MONOBROW.
>> DID WE WIN?
>> YEAH, MISS DORK WORLD.
>> DAD WILL BE SO PROUD.
>> DID YOU SEE
PLANK OUT THERE?
WHAT A MIND.
>> HA!
SHOULDA, COULDA,
WOULDA IF YOU'D PICKED MOI.
WHAT'S WITH YOU?
>> BRACE YOURSELVES, GENTLEMEN,
FOR I HAVE BEEN ELECTED BY THE.
JOURNALIST CLUB TO ACT AS THE
NEW EDITOR OF THE "PEACH TREE
JUNIOR HIGH TATTLER."
OH, I KNOW.
I WAS SPEECHLESS, AS WELL.
PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO
ASSIST ME IN THIS GOOD CAUSE?
>> GET REAL!
I'D RATHER WEAR ED'S
UNDERWEAR FOR A WEEK.
>> NOT TODAY, EDDY.
I'M FLYING SOLO.
>> HOW 'BOUT YOU, ED?
ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THAT FIRS
STEP INTO THE EXCITING WORLD OF
JOURNALISM?
>> AS LONG AS I DON'T GE
ANY ON MY SHOES, DOUBLE D.
MY MOM HAS GOT NEW CARPET.
[BELL RINGING] >>
THAT'S THE SPRIT, ED.
I'll SUPPLY YOU WITH THE
NEWSPAPERS AND THE COLLECTION.
BOX.
>> STOP THE PRESSES!
COLLECTION?
LIKE IS CASH?
WHERE DO I SIGN,
OLD PAL OF MINE?
[BUZZING] >> EXTRA!
EXTRA!
KIDS PELT ED WHEN CAN'
SELL SCHOOL PAPERS.
NOT A ONE.
>> JIMMY MAKES SHORTCAKE?
I WOULDN'T LINE A
BIRDCAGE WITH THIS BUNK.
>> I'll HAVE YOU KNOW JIMMY'S
SHORTCAKES ARE THE BEST I'VE
>> WHERE'S THE SCANDAL?
THAT'S WHAT SELLS PAPERS.
>> YEP.
BECAUSE SANDALS ARE
BAKED FRESH DAILY, DOUBLE D.
>> IGNORE HIM.
JUST STICK TO THE SCRIPT.
>> FINE.
I'll BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THE
LAST FEW EDITIONS HAVE BEEN.
SOMEWHAT LACKING.
BUT THAT'S ALL ABOU
TO CHANGE, EDDY.
MY SOURCES TELL ME THAT THE
KNITTING CLUB IS ATTEMPTING TO
DARN THE WORLD'S LARGEST DOILY!
>> WOW!
THAT'S LIKE THE SCOOP
OF A LIFETIME, DOUBLE D!
YOU BETTER WHOOP IT ON OVER
THERE BEFORE THEIR ARTERIES
HARDEN.
>> ARTERIES?
TOUCH THE ARTERY!
>> SAY CHEESE.
FORGET HIM!
COME ON, LUMPY!
WE'RE GONNA TURN THIS RAG INTO
A WORLD-CLASS MONEY MACHINE!
ANYWAY >>
THERE'S PAPER UP.
OH, LOOK, IT'S ME!
IT SAYS, "MINIATURE MUTAN
ALIENS HAVE COLONIZED ED'S HEAD
AND ARE MINING
BUBBLEGUM FROM HIS SKULL!"
OH.
THIS BUBBA BOPPLE
SURE IS A SMART GUY.
>> THAT'S
BOBBY BLABBY, IDIOT.
THE TABLOID REPORTER
EXTRAORDINAIRE.
YEP.
I GOT THE DIRTIES
DISHES THIS SIDE OF
DIRTY DISHDOM.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.
FORK BOY CREATED.
I GOT TOMORROW'S HEADLINE, EDD!
FORK-BOY CREATED
IN COOKING CLASS.
MEATBALL'S JABBED AS
TEACHERS RUN FOR NAPKINS.
I LIKE THAT.
YOU STILL HERE?
GET OUT THERE AND MAKE
ME SOME CASH, PAPER BOY.
>> I'M ALREADY
GOING, BABY BUBBA.
>> THAT'S BOBBY BLABBY!
>> MY FICKLE FINGERS JUS
AREN'T FORCEFUL ENOUGH, SARAH.
DO YOU HEAR THEM, SARAH?
IT'S THE VIENNA BOYS CHOIR.
THEY'RE SINGING.
>> EXTRA, EXTRA!
NAZZ KICKED OFF
CHEERLEADING SQUAD.
>> WHAT?!
LET ME SEE THAT.
>> OH, BOBBY BLABBY SAYS HEAD
CHEERLEADER NAZZ WAS LET GO FOR.
REFUSING TO SHAVE HER LEGS.
>> 25 CENTS, PLEASE.
>> HEY!
"ED'S BABY SISTER PART OF A
SECRET CHIMP FOGHORN RACE."
>> BOY, JUST WHEN YOU
THINK YOU KNOW SOMEONE.
[CRYING] >> SARAH?
>> DON'T LOOK AT ME!
>> SARAH,
THEY'RE SINGING AGAIN.
>> ROLF BEGS
OF YOU, WILFRED.
YOU MUST WALK ON 2 FEET, YES?
LIKE ROLF.
GOOD, WILFRED.
VERY GOOD.
HELLO, TEACHER.
ROLF IS READY TO TAKE THE TEST.
[SQUEALING] >>
PAPER, MISTER?
ONLY A QUARTER.
>> JONNY 2 X 4 FORAGED INTO
HIS NOSTRIL AND FOUND THE LOST CITY.
OF ATLANTIS YESTERDAY.
>> HEY, ROLF.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT KEVIN HAVING
THE WORLD'S BIGGEST COLLECTION
OF SPANDEX BIKE SHORTS
UNDER HIS MATTRESS?
>> ROLF SEES NO CITY.
ONLY DARKNESS AND SESAME SEEDS.
>> SOME PAL YOU ARE, MAN.
YOU PLAYED ME FOR A PATSY.
>> ROLF KNEW NOTHING OF YOUR
ELASTIC SHORTS LEISURE DELIGHTS.
>> SAY WHAT?
DIDN'T YOU TELL BOBBY BLABBY
THAT YOU WANT TO BULLDOZE MY
HOUSE TO BUILD A RES
HOME FOR YOUR NANA?
>> WHAT BARBARIAN
WOULD ALLOW?
THEY'RE NEVER TO REST!
>> I'll TALK.
I'll TALK!
SHE'S IN THERE.
>> I KNOW IT WAS YOU THAT WEN
TO BOBBY BLABBY WITH THAT HAIRY.
LEG STORY, MONKEY FACE.
>> WHAT YOU CALL ME?
[SCREAMING] >> NICE TRY.
>> KNOCK HER BUT
INTO NEXT WEEK, SARAH.
>> SAYS HERE YOUR BUTT WAS
KNOCKED 2 THURSDAYS FROM NOW BY.
THE GIRL'S CURLING CLUB.
>> LIES, LIES, ALL LIES!
>> I AM PROUD TO INTRODUCE
THIS BOBBY BLABBY TO ROLF'S FIST OF.
PUNCTUALITY!
>> HEY, GET IN LINE!
IF ANYBODY'S HAVING THE
LAST LAUGH, I'M HAVING IT FIRST.
>> COUNT ME AND PLANK OUT.
WE REALLY LIKE THIS RAG.
>> EXTRA, EXTRA!
WE'RE SWIMMING
IN THE PRESS POOL.
>> LOOK A
ALL THIS MOOLAH.
JUST THINK, ED, WE'LL DOUBLE IT.
NO, TRIPLE IT WITH THESE
STORIES I JUST MADE UP.
>> WELL THA
LEAD LED NOWHERE.
SEEMS THERE IS NO KNITTING CLUB.
LACK OF INTEREST.
>> FORGE
THE KNITTING CLUB.
CHECK OUT THE DOUGH I RAKED IN.
>> I RAKED, TOO.
>> MY WORD!
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.
THE CONFERENCE OF THE STUDEN
FUND WILL BE GREATLY ENRICHED BY
THIS WEEK'S TURNOVER.
>> STUDENT FUND?
>> WHY, YES.
THE SCHOOL PAPER IS A
NON-PROFIT ORGANIZING.
ALL PROCEEDS DUE TO THE SCHOOL.
>> LIKE HECK THEY ARE.
THE MONEY'S MINE!
>> WHO'S THIS
BOBBY BLABBY GUY?
>> HELLO, LOYAL READER.
>> BETTER SPILL THE BEANS
MR. EDITOR, OR YOU'RE PAPER.
PULP.
>> I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
>> WHO WROTE THIS STUFF?
>> MINIATURE ALIENS?
HAIRY LEGS?
LOST CITIES AND
SPANDEX BICYCLE SHORTS?
WHO INDEED IS BOBBY BLABBY?
EDDY, CARE TO EXPLAIN?
>> WHAT?
COULDN'T TELL YOU.
SOUNDS LIKE A JERK.
>> YOU DROPPED
YOUR LOOT, BABY BOO-BOO.
>> IT'S BOBBY BLABBY!
GET IT RIGHT!
OOPS.
>> BOBBY BLABBY
WAS A FAKE BUDDY!
IT SAYS, "THE KNITTING CLUB
FINALLY FORMED WITH ONLY ONE
MEMBER."
>> EXTRA, EXTRA!
EDDY FORCED TO KNI
WORLD'S LARGEST DOILY!
>> MR. EDDY, ANY POINTERS
TO SHARE WITH OUR READERS.
ON YOUR NEWFOUND EXTRA
CURRICULAR MORTIFICATION?
>> GET LOST.
>> EDDY DEMANDS DESOLATION
AS HE DOTES ON DISTINGUISHED DOILY.
SOUNDS LIKE A FRONT-PAGER.
>> SMELLS
LIKE A BACK-PAGER.
>> I HATE DOILIES!
>> I HATE DOILIES!
>> GEE, NICE HEAD, ED.
>> HA HA.
>> ED!
THAT ISN'T THE CORRECT WAY TO
USE THE SCHOOL BLOOD PRESSURE
GAUGE.
>> COME ON!
I'M STARVING.
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT HELPING
THE SCHOOL NURSE, SOCK HEAD, BU
IT'S WHOPPER WEINER
WEDNESDAY IN THE CAF.
>> WHOPPER WEINER
WEDNESDAY, DOUBLE D!
[BELL RINGING] >>
OH, VERY WELL, THEN.
I SUPPOSE SOME
NOURISHMENT WOULD BE
WAIT.
JUST A QUICK CATEGORIZATION
OF THESE COTTON SWABS, AND
[SCREAMING] >> 100
FREE THROWS IN A ROW!
>> YAY!
>> YOUR
PLANK'S HERO, KEVIN!
>> IF YOU SAY SO.
>> WOWZERS!
>> OVER HERE, KEVIN.
>> OH, MAN.
>> GET INTO IT, WILL YOU?
>> WHAT, LIKE THIS?
HEY, MAN, WHAT GIVES?
>> ROLF HONORS KEVIN
WITH A POSTERIOR PUNT OF PRAISE.
>> RAH, KEVIN!
[CHANTING "KEVIN."]
>> TICK-TOCK.
TICK-TOCK.
TICK >> LOOK
AT THOSE SAPS!
IT'S LIKE THEY WORSHIP HIM.
[CHEERING] >> EDDY,
A POOR SELF-IMAGE HAS.
HE THAT ENVIES HIS
FELLOW MAN'S ACCOLADES.
>> FORGET ACAPULCO.
WHAT MAKES STUPID
KEVIN SO SPECIAL?
>> I BET KEVIN
CAN'T DO THIS.
OUCH.
>> AAH!
>> OH, DEAR.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO
TO ARRANGE IN ALPHA-NUMERICAL
ORDER THOSE CONFIDENTIAL STUDEN
MEDICAL FILES?
ED, DO YOU?
>> WAS IT LONGER
THAN A BREAD BOX?
>> HEY, LISTEN TO THIS.
IT SAYS HERE OLD SHOVEL
CHIN CAB IS SCARED OF NEEDLES!
>> EDDY, NO!
YOU CAN'T READ THIS.
THAT'S KEVIN'S PERSONAL FILE.
THE LEVEL OF PHOBIA, OR AS YOU
SO ELOQUENTLY PUT IT, "SCARED OF"
"NEEDLES" IS QUITE
COMMONPLACE, EDDY.
UM >> WIENIE
TOAST, SARAH!
LOOK, IT'S HIM!
[CHEERING] >>
HE'S SO DEXTEROUS.
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME KETCHUP, KEVIN?
>> AFTER YOU, AMIGO.
>> I'M THE LUCKIES
BOY IN THE WORLD!
>> YAY!
>> HELLO, STUDENTS.
>> WELL, IF IT AIN'
FLORENCE DORKENDALE AND NURSE.
TWERPENSTEIN.
[LAUGHING] >>
OH, LAUGH IT UP.
NURSE ASSISTANT ED, IT SEEMS ONE
OF OUR STUDENTS HAS YET TO GE
HIS VACCINATION.
LUCKY FOR HIM, TODAY'S
BOOSTER SHOT DAY.
>> HAND THEM
THE LEAFLET, LUMPY.
>> WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
IT AIN'T BOOSTER
SHOT DAY, IS IT?
>> TELL THEM TO LINE
UP IN THE GYM, BONEHEAD.
DID I DO GOOD, EDDY?
>> SHUT UP, STUPID.
>> THAT'S MY LINE, EDDY.
>> HEY, ROLF, THAT WEINER
LOOKS DANGEROUSLY HOT.
LET'S POKE IT JUST TO MAKE SURE.
>> KEVIN FAINTED!
>> DUDE, ARE YOU OK?
>> HUH?
WHAT?
UH SEE WHAT?
OH, THE COACH. YEAH, CALLING ME.
GOTTA GO. RIGHT.
SEE YOU.
>> SO MUCH FOR
MR. HOT-SHOT JOCK-BOY.
TOUGH GUY'S CHICKEN
OF A LOUSY LITTLE NEEDLE.
[LAUGHING] TOO RICH.
>> NEEDLE?
RUN AWAY!
EVIL POINTY BAD FOR US, EDDY!
>> RELAX, ED.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING A NEEDLE.
NOBODY IS.
IT'S A JOKE.
GET IT?
ON KEVIN?
>> NOT FUNNY, EDDY.
DING DING!
ROUND 2.
>> OK.
CHILL.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL, DUDE.
IT'S JUST A DUMB NEEDLE.
[SCREAMING] OH, MAN.
THAT'S GONNA BE ME!
>> WE BETTER STERILIZE
THESE SHARP NEEDLES, ED.
>> SAY, THEY'RE
BIG, MONOBROW.
[LAUGHING] >>
NEEDLE BRAIN!
OUCH!
[LAUGHING] >> COME ON, ED.
MAN, I'M GOOD.
[LAUGHING] [BELL RINGING]
>> FINALLY.
TIDIED, ORGANIZED, AND FILED.
NOW, TO RETURN THIS >>
ME AND PLANK ARE NEXT, NURSE.
ASSISTANT DOUBLE D.
>> GOOD LORD, JONNY.
MAKE YOURSELF DECENT, MAN!
>> MOM, LIKE
I LOVE YOU, OK?
LIKE JUST IN CASE >> I
HEARD THOSE THINGS COULD.
PUT A HOLE THROUGH
A TRACK TIRE, JIMMY!
>> OWIE, SARAH.
>> WEIRD.
>> DOUBLED EDD, BOY.
ROLF BEGS YOU.
TAKE THIS TO YOUR PROPER
SPECIES, PLACE YOU ON A BOAT,
AND MAKE GREAT WITH
YOUR PAIN-FILLED POKE.
>> WHAT HAS
GOTTEN INTO EVERYONE?
WHAT'S THIS?
BOOSTER SHOT DAY?
TODAY?
>> OH, KEVIN.
>> THERE HE IS!
BE A GOOD BOY, AND
I'll GIVE YOU A LOLLIPOP!
>> AH HA!
STICK OUT YOUR
ARM, YOU BIG BABY.
>> NO WAY.
BACK OFF, MAN!
>> WHO'S THE
BIG SHOT NOW, HUH?
GET IT?
BIG SHOT? HA HA!
I'M TOO GOOD.
[LAUGHING] >>
PARDON ME, EDDY.
BUT THERE SEEMS TO BE A TAD OF
CONFUSION ON THIS BOOSTER SHO
DAY.
I HAVE NO SCHEDULED
VACCINATIONS ON ROSTER FOR TODAY.
>> WHAT?
>> WELL, IT'S WRONG!
[LAUGHING] HERE IT COMES!
[LAUGHING] >> HOLD
IT RIGHT THERE, MISTER!
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU'D
EXPLOIT POOR KEVIN'S PHOBIA FOR
YOUR DEPRAVED
SELF-GRATIFICATION.
>> GOOD BUTTOCK
FINDS ITS OWN BENCH, EDDY.
>> WHY THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS IN
AN UPROAR AT YOUR INSIDIOUS PRANK.
>> AAH!
LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT POKER!
IT'S AFTER ME.
AAH!
[SCREAMING] >>
OH, IS IT GONNA HURT!
>> WATCH THIS!
IT'LL KILL YOU, DOUBLE D.
[LAUGHING] [LAUGHING]
>> THAT WAS
REAL FUNNY, DORKY.
SO I GUESS IT'S MY TURN, RIGHT?
KISS YOUR FACE GOOD-BYE, LOSER.
>> WAIT, USE ED'S FACE.
HE DOESN'T NEED IT.
>> FORE!
>> WAIT!
WAIT, DOUBLE D.
GIVE HIM ONE OF THOSE HEALTH
PAMPHLETS OR WHATEVER YOU DO.
>> MOVE IT OR
LOSE IT, DOUBLE D.
>> IF I MAY, I THINK I HAVE A
SOLUTION MUCH MORE FITTING THAN.
THE CLICHE ACT OF
CARTOON BARBARISM.
[WHISPERING] [LAUGHING]
>> OH, NOT FAIR.
>> SIT.
[BELL RINGING] >> THE
NURSE IS READY FOR YOU,
KEVIN.
>> GOOD.
THIS AIN'T A BAD READ.
>> YOU COULD TAKE NOTES TO
FULLY BENEFIT FROM THE INFORMATION.
IT'S SO, UM >>
DON'T PUSH IT.
>> UH, YES. OF COURSE.
>> HEY, LET ME GO!
UNTIE ME!
>> I FOUND HIM IN THE SCIENCE
CUPBOARD PRETENDING TO BE A.
STUFFED BEAVER, DOUBLE D.
>> THE NURSE
THANKS YOU, EDDY.
>> OH, YEAH?
WHAT FOR?
>> FOR HELPING KEVIN CONQUER
HIS FEAR OF NEEDLES BY LETTING HIM.
WITNESS THE SAFE AND EASY
ADMINISTRATION OF A REAL BOOSTER
SHOT.
>> OH, NO YOU DON'T!
NOT ME!
>> WORRY NOT, LITTLE MAN,
'CAUSE YOU GET TO HAVE A LOLLIPOP.
AFTER.
>> MOMMY!
>> SWEET.
>> LET'S
NO, DON'T DO IT!
I'M TOO YOUNG!
>> NEEDLE!
UH-OH.
>> I HATE NEEDLES!
[LAUGHING]
>> ED, EDD, N' EDDY!
>> BBBBBB-YEAH.