Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e07 Episode Script

- (Announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and friends. We're, we're
Ready, ready
To, to
Party
We're ready to party, we're ready ♪
- (Man) Yo!
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
- (Wade) I'm scared!
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Dancing, fiesta
Romancing, siesta
Samba, la bamba
Ay caramba
Disguises, disguises
Surprises, surprises
And pies of, and pies of
All sizes
(screams)
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
- (Man) You bet!
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Garfield and friends
- (Garfield) The only cartoon that comes with
a double your money back guarantee.
(upbeat music)
(doorbell rings)
- Garfield, it's for you.
- (Garfield) Pour moi?
Maybe it's those pizzas I ordered last Tuesday.
Takes a long time to fill one of my orders.
Aw, no pizzas.
- (Courier) Garfield Cat?
- (Garfield) You got him.
- (Courier) This is for you.
Bye.
- (Garfield) Dear Garfield Cat, so and so and so and so,
you are ordered to appear before the Kitty Council
tomorrow morning at sunrise.
Ah, shucks, I thought I'd won something.
Oh, well.
The Kitty Council?!
Oh, no!
Oh, not the Kitty Council!
I'm doomed, I'm doomed!
- Oh, Garfield!
Dessert is on the table.
- (Garfield) I'm doomed!
Boy, am I doomed.
We're talking doomed here.
- It looked like Garfield.
(barks)
- (Garfield) I'm so doomed, I hardly have any appetite.
I am one doomed pussycat.
Might as well get it over with.
(wind whooshes)
(whimpers)
(whimpers)
(sniffing)
(dramatic music)
- This meeting of the Kitty Council is now called to order.
Send in Garfield Cat.
- (Garfield) I don't wanna go in there!
No!
- Come forward, Garfield Cat!
- (Garfield) Hey, you could just say, "Take a seat."
- Garfield Cat, you have been charged
with conduct unbecoming a cat.
- (Garfield) Me?
Little ol' me?
(sniffing)
- (Odie) Hm?
- Garfield, how many mice have you eaten this week?!
- (Garfield) This week?
You mean this week, as opposed to last week?
- How many mice have you eaten this month?!
This year?!
- (Garfield) I don't really care for mice.
I usually prefer lasagna and--
- How many mice?!
- (Garfield) None, I've never eaten a mouse.
(murmuring)
- Have you at least tormented dogs and caused them misery?!
- (Garfield) Oh, yeah, that, I've done a lot of that.
Dogs hate me.
(Odie barking)
(loud slurping)
- (Garfield) No, Odie, down!
Stop.
Stop. No!
(chattering)
(gavel banging) - Is that dog your friend?!
(Odie barking)
- (Garfield) No, he can't stand me.
I torment him all the time.
I kick him off tables.
Please, please, you gotta give me another chance.
I know I haven't behaved like a normal cat,
but I can change.
Just one more chance. - One moment.
We must confer.
(chattering)
Garfield, we have decided to give you one more chance.
- (Garfield) I won't let you down.
- You have one hour to find a mouse, catch it, and eat it.
- (Garfield) I'm toast.
- And bring it back here so we can see you eat it.
- (Garfield) Yes, Your Catness, will do.
(Odie barking)
What am I gonna do?
(Odie whimpers)
- (Garfield) Odie, you were no help whatsoever.
(Odie grumbles)
Not that you ever are.
I have to find a mouse and (groans) eat it.
I don't even know how you do that.
(Odie grunting)
Pizza, Chinese food, ribs.
Nope, no mice restaurant with home delivery.
Oof. (loud thud)
You are still no help.
(Odie groans)
I have to find a mouse.
I guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way.
Any mice in there?
Yoo-hoo, mice, where are ya?
You don't understand, my cathood is at stake.
It's no use, Odie, I've looked everywhere,
alleys, junkyards, cheese stores.
I even got thrown out of Disneyland.
- (Floyd) Hiya, Garfield.
- (Garfield) Hi, Floyd.
My hour's almost up.
I guess I have to go turn in my whiskers.
Floyd!
Floyd!
You're a mouse!
- (Floyd) What a newsflash.
I may be a mouse, Garfield,
but I can't live on one guest shot on the show each season.
My agent dropped me.
He told me to go to you old actors home
with Cactus Jake and Binky.
- (Garfield) Well, I've got a role for you now!
Come with me!
- (Floyd) Yeah, is it a juicy part?
Because, you know, I have real good taste.
- (Garfield) Boy, I hope so.
(barking)
- So, Garfield Cat, you found a mouse.
- (Floyd) Psst, where's my script?
I wanna make sure I get it down.
- (Garfield) So do I.
Shh.
Yes, I, Garfield Cat, have found a mouse.
- Fine.
Now let's see you eat it.
- (Floyd) Yeah, let's see you eat it, Garfield,
that'll be good.
Let's see you (coughs softly).
Garfield!
You wouldn't!
Not you.
- (Garfield) No, I can't do it,
not even to a cameo guest star.
Do what you want with me, but I can't do it.
I can't eat a mouse, especially not my friend Floyd.
- Your friend?!
This mouse is your friend?!
We are all very disappointed in you, Garfield.
And it is our duty to--
- (Floyd) Hey, wait a minute.
I don't know what this thing is all about,
but this, this is quite a cat here.
- He doesn't eat mice!
He's nice to that puppy dog!
What does he do that makes him worthy of the name cat?!
- (Floyd) Nothing.
- (Garfield) Oh, you're a lot of help.
- (Floyd) No, no, no, I mean, he does nothing.
He sleeps all day and all night.
- A cat is supposed to sleep all day and all night!
The average cat sleeps 19 hours a day!
- (Garfield) Only 19?
- (Floyd) Don't you ever watch the show?
19 is a short nap for Garfield.
He can snooze through a three-day weekend.
(chattering)
- How does he get food if he sleeps so much?
- (Floyd) Ah, he's got his owner trained
to send out for pizza, Chinese food.
Look at that, cheeseburgers.
(chattering) - I think we see, now,
why you don't eat mice, Garfield.
- (Garfield) Would you, with Italian food in this world?
- Please accept our humblest apologies.
The case against Garfield Cat is dismissed!
(loud slurping)
- (Garfield) Floyd, I owe it all to you.
I'm sorry I even thought of eating you.
- (Floyd) Eh, that's okay.
You was in a jam.
- (Garfield) How can I make it up to you?
- (Floyd) Well, you could have me on a show more often.
- (Garfield) Don't push it.
(bumbling music)
Jon is sending away for a book.
It's called Help for the Hopelessly Incompetent.
(playful music)
(loud thud)
- I think these stamps are defective.
- (Garfield) Just in time too.
(upbeat music)
- Nice, bull.
(growling)
- Hey, Orse, like, that's one mean puppy you got there, man.
- Yeah, the fence in the yard is broken,
so I'm putting Brutus in this shack until it's fixed.
(growling)
(sighs)
Bo, would you do me a favor and go get me the hammer?
- Like, no problemo, Piggo.
One hammer coming up pronto, man.
Hiya, Ducko, how are ya?
Answer me later.
I gotta get Orson a hammer, man.
- Oh, worry, oh, dread.
Oh, dread and worry.
- There he is.
(chuckles)
Oh, this is too, too easy.
- Oh, dread and worry, and fear and terror.
Dread, worry, fear, and terror!
- Quick, soldier, the rebel forces
have fired on Fort Sumter.
The Civil War is starting!
- Civil War?
- That's right, and it's up to you
to get the President Lincoln and tell him.
I'd go myself, but I have to march through Georgia.
- Leave it to I, General!
I shall tell President Lincoln at once!
Help! Civil War!
Help! (laughs)
- Oh, it's too easy!
- Help, war between these states!
Help! (loud whoosh)
- Hey, Duck!
Watch it!
If you don't watch where you're going,
you can get into a lot of trouble!
Hey, what's going on here?!
- Oh, I hope I can recognize President Lincoln.
Oh, I wish I had a five-dollar bill.
Help, they fired on Fort Sumter!
They
(laughs)
You are about a hundred
and thirty-something years late, General!
You're gonna get in trouble with these jokes someday, Roy.
- What's gonna happen to me?
Someone gonna throw a bag over my head and drag me away?
(chuckles)
- Uh, maybe.
- (Booker) Ooh, I'll get you, worm!
- Hey, Booker, not through my garden!
- Sorry, Orson, I just have a lot of worm running to do
before it gets dark.
Whoa.
Got dark sooner than I expected.
- Hey, like, here's your hammer, Orse.
Orse?
Roy, have you, like, seen where Orson went?
Whoa, better still, man, have you seen where you went?
Lanolin!
Booker?!
Like, man!
Anybody?!
(loud mumbling)
- What a terrific idea, brothers.
- Yeah.
We lock them all away somewhere.
- And everything on the farm is ours.
(laughs)
- Okay, so, like, everyone left.
Hm.
Well, might as well do a little reading.
Mm-hm.
Like, pretty exciting cartoon, huh?
Hey, wait, no, no!
Don't change the station.
Like, put that remote down, dude.
I'll think of something.
Oh, let's see, what am I gonna do, man?
What to do?
Hey, I know!
Okay, let's see, I need a script.
Hmm.
Oh, here's Orson's version of the Dead Sea Scrolls.
Here's one where Wade thinks
the eyes in the potatoes are watching him.
Oh, hey, man, here we go.
This was gonna be, like, next week's episode,
but this is, you know, kind of an emergency thing.
Okay, now, like, I'm gonna try and do all the parts,
so, like, give me some slack, okay, man?
Well, a really nice day on the farm.
I think I'll find a book to read.
I'm, like, playing Orson, man.
I hope nothing interferes with my book reading.
Oh, help, Orson!
Help to the fifth power!
Roy just tolded me that there are monsters
inside the doughnut holes.
Oh, he did, did he?
Well, I'll get to the bottom of this.
Roy, where are you?
I'm right here!
(laughs)
I'm just watching Bo and Lanolin having another argument.
(laughs)
Whoa, that's like me, man.
What do you mean I'm always disagreeing with you?
Like, you always disagree with me, sis.
I do not! Yes, you do.
I do not!
All right, have it your way, you don't.
That's what you think!
Listen, man, wait a minute.
I lost my place in the script.
Oh, get on with it, Bo!
Hey, like, give me a break, sis.
- (Wart) One craven duck.
- One craven duck.
- One runty brother.
- One runty brother.
- One worm-chasing chick.
- One worm-chasing chick.
- One loudmouthed rooster.
- One loudmouthed rooster.
- Hey, you don't have to get judgmental.
- (Gort) One disagreeable sheep.
- One disagreeable sheep.
- One agreeable but slow sheep.
- One disagreeable but
We're short a sheep.
- Uh-oh.
- You were supposed to bag that sheep.
- You were supposed to.
(shouting)
- Hold it, yous guys!
Let's forget whose fault it was.
- Even though it was yours.
- And just go back and get him!
- (Gort) Right!
- But it was your fault.
- It was your fault.
- (Wart) Yours!
- (Orson) Come on, all of you!
- (Booker) We have to get back there!
- (Roy) Let's hop to it!
- Oh, joy!
A 10-mile sack race, what fun!
- Orson, you have got to do something about Roy here.
Help!
Hey, here comes Booker chasing another worm!
Oh, no, I gotta play a worm now?
- That sheep it around here someplace.
- Because you didn't catch him.
- You were supposed to catch him.
- There he is!
- Boy, like, I wish we had
some other actors in this episode.
I'll get you, you worm!
- (Wart) What's he doing?
- I think he's doing Booker.
- Let's get him!
- (Orson) Bo is our only chance.
- (Lanolin) My brother's in trouble!
- (Wade) My arches are falling!
- Well, Orson, what are you going to do?
I don't know, Roy.
Oh, look, here comes Garfield.
Aw, no, like a cameo guest star?
Like, where's the lasagna?
I just kicked Odie off the table and he--
- Hey, where did the sheep go?
- (Bo) He went, like, into the shack.
- He can't get away from us.
- Bo, my brother's are-- - Hey, relax, man.
Situation's under control.
- (Mort) Okay, Sheep, you are coming with us!
- (Wart) That's not a sheep.
(loud crash)
(yelling) (loud growling)
- Nice going, brother.
- A sneaky idea.
- Worthy even of me.
- Except that now I've gotta go catch the bull.
- Hey, like, no problem, man.
All right, pilgrims, we got us our roundup to tend to.
Yo!
(upbeat music)
(dramatic music)
(gavel banging)
- Mr. Hofstadter, you've been charged with robbery,
vandalism, and impersonating a cow.
How do you plead?
(mimics cow lowing)
90 days.
Bailiff, call the next case.
- The State versus Irving Burnside, Your Honor.
- Mr. Burnside, you're charged with a number of crimes here.
- It was that cat, Your Honor.
- A cat?! - Yes, the cat,
he did this to me.
Everywhere I look, every place I go, that cat.
(sobs)
- Mr. Burnside, maybe you'd better start at the beginning.
- The beginning.
Like, there was this one time
I was just barbecuing in my backyard.
Hey, Alice, how do you want your burgers?!
- (Alice) You better make them rare,
just in case that Arbuckle's cat is around!
- (Irving) Come back with my burgers!
- (Garfield) Needs salt!
- I want my barbecue back!
(thrilling music)
- (Garfield) All yours.
(loud clunks)
- Whoa!
(blubbering)
Whoa, ai yai yai!
Wow, that's hot!
Whoa, whoa!
(blubbering)
(siren wailing)
Whoa!
Ai yai yai!
(loud crash)
- So that explains this ticket
for speeding and reckless driving on a propane grill.
- It was that cat, Your Honor.
But you ain't heard the worst of it.
There was this one time,
he comes to my door dressed like a little kid in a cat suit.
(doorbell rings)
- (Garfield) Trick or treat.
(chuckles)
- Hi, kid.
I'll get you some candy.
Here you go!
(Garfield cries)
You don't like it?
Wait, I got some cookies.
(chuckles)
Here you go, chocolate chip cookies.
(Garfield cries)
Aw, what do you want, kid?
The only other thing I got in the house
is my wife's roast beef, mashed potatoes, and creamed corn.
- Tell me one more time, Irv,
what did you do with the dinner I made?
- Well, honey, the kid was crying and I, uh
I still ain't figured out how he done it.
- Well, tricks like that do happen on Halloween.
- Yeah, but this was April 9th, Judge.
But wait, you ain't heard the worst of it.
One night, I decides to walk down
to Vinny's on the corner to get a pizza.
Soon as I'm out of the house,
the cat repaints my front door another color.
Not only that, he changes the number on my house.
The result is when I comes back, hey, this ain't my house.
And while I'm trying to figure that one out,
well, I spent the next three hours
trying to find my way home.
- (Garfield) This must be how Italian bats dine.
- And when I got home, I found I had an empty pizza box.
- Mr. Burnside, have you ever considered
talking to the cat's owner?
- I sure have, Your Honor.
I went to see this Arbuckle guy,
and I was so reasonable with him.
(thrilling music)
- No, please, Mr. Burnside!
- When I get my hands on you, Arbuckle!
- I know my cat is a little hungry.
- Poland could live for a year on what your cat eats!
- Mr. Burnside, don't I have a choice?!
- Sure, what hospital do you wanna be taken to?!
- Look, I'm sorry about my cat.
Why don't you take your wife out to a fancy dinner?
On me.
- Well, I tries to be reasonable.
That's fair.
So he suggests I take my wife
to Cafe Parisienne or Parlez-Vous.
You know, one of them fancy Frenchy places,
where they charge for the water.
- Oh, this is so nice, Irv.
What a lovely surprise.
- For madame, the beef bourguignon,
and for the monsieur, the roast leg of lamb.
Bon appetit.
- Well, this place was so fancy,
they even had this guy walking around playing violin music.
(loud chomp) (loud crash)
Hey!
- (Garfield) Some people just don't appreciate good music.
- That was the last straw.
I was determined to find that cat!
Everywhere I goes, there he is!
I can't take it anymore!
Hey, pal, have you seen a cat?
(screams)
I gotta get to hospital!
Taxi!
- Yeah, where to, pal?
(screams)
- No matter which way I looked, there he was.
Garfields to the left of me.
Garfields to the right of me!
(screams)
These police came and took me away,
and they both looked just like the cat.
And the booking officer.
It's nonsense!
But, Your Honor, I (blubbering).
- Jury, have you reached a verdict?
- (All) Guilty!
- For not giving all your food to that cat,
I sentence you to life in prison!
(gasps)
- Life in prison?!
(dramatic music)
(loud crash)
(siren wailing)
No! No, you can't do this to me!
You can't!
It's that cat's fault!
That cat! That cat!
It was that cat!
That cat!
- Irv, Irv, wake up!
You're having a nightmare.
- Huh?! What?
That cat!
(sighs)
Oh, baby, you don't know!
What a nightmare.
That cat!
- Well, you jump in the shower,
and I'll make you some breakfast.
- Wow.
It was just a bad dream.
A pretty stupid bad dream too.
(sighs)
So, what are you gonna make me for breakfast?
- How about some lasagna?
(blubbering)
(screams)
Mom told me not to marry him, but did I listen?
(upbeat music)