Pie In The Sky (1994) s05e07 Episode Script
In the Smoke
1 S05xE07 In the Smoke" Aug 10, 1997 [HORN HONKING.]
Henry, we´re going to miss that train! Look, if I´ve got to have strange people working in the restaurant, I want to have a good look at them first.
They´ve got great references, Chef.
You said so yourself.
The man from the agency said they´d be perfect.
Stop worrying and come on! Yes, but I haven´t seen them.
We´ll be fine.
Just go.
Look, we could always get the later train.
You can if you like.
I´m going now.
HENRY: Oh, all right.
Now, Gary, have you got the phone number? Yes, Chef! Right.
And you´re sure you´re okay about those potted shrimps? Yes.
Right.
Oh, and when the fish man comes, don´t get any of those trout unless you think they´re really Really fresh, I know.
Go, go! Good luck, you two.
- Bye.
- Thanks.
Have a great time, okay? - Bye.
- Bye-bye.
[BOTH SIGH.]
HENRY: Did I say anything to Gary about trout? MARGARET: Yes! Stop fretting.
I hereby declare this holiday officially started! There you go.
Keep the change.
MAN: Thank you.
Is this where Nick lives? HENRY: Yes.
Good.
Hold the lift! Fifth floor.
MARGARET: That´s us, too.
Might I ask what business you have in this building? MARGARET: We´re staying in a friend´s flat.
Nick Spencer.
He lives at number 9.
I´m aware of the flat Mr.
Spencer lives in.
He´s gone to America on business, you see, so we´re staying there.
Just for a couple of nights.
It´s a bit of a break for us, isn´t it, Henry? My husband´s a policeman.
MRS.
HYDE: When you next see Mr.
Spencer, would you remind him that the large wheely bins on the right of the basement are for the flats at the rear of the building? I saw him down there only last night.
I told the young lady She got in the lift But she didn´t seem to take it in.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
That´ll be them.
About time, too.
Hello.
Hiya.
Simon and Charlotte, yeah? I´m Kevin, actually.
Didn´t the agency phone you? There´s been a flu bug.
Everyone´s off sick.
So you weren´t a sous chef at the Maison des Gourmets? Don´t think so, no.
SALLY: And you´re not Charlotte who´s worked at the Barstock Country Club? No, I´m Carol, and you wouldn´t catch me dead working at that dump.
[SIGHS.]
This is marvelous! Don´t tell me Nick pays for this out of a police pension.
Good God, no.
It´s this flash job of his.
I told you.
"Dear Crabbes, welcome to the big city.
To achieve liftoff, open fridge on arrival.
" He´s left a bottle of champagne.
And there´s no food.
Typical.
You know, Nicky´s idea of cooking is adding ice to Scotch.
"Have a great time, wish I was with you, love Nicky.
P.
S" Huh, indeed.
MARGARET: There´s a message on his answering machine.
Oh, get that.
It might be Gary for me.
What if it´s for Nick? Oh, then just write it down.
[BEEPING.]
WOMAN: Dad? Are you there? Pick up the phone.
Hello? Look, Danny´s on his way to see you.
I couldn´t stop him.
He´s out of control.
I didn´t know what to do.
Hello? Are you there? [BEEP.]
Henry, there´s a very strange message on this answering machine from a woman.
She didn´t leave her name I just want to call La Tante Hélène to confirm that booking for tomorrow.
She sounded a bit upset.
Probably just a wrong number.
MARGARET: Yes, it´s very fuzzy.
You can´t hear everything she says.
You know, people have to book months in advance at this place.
They put their kids´ names down for a table.
I just thought I´d ring to confirm Hello? Hello, I´d like to confirm a table for tomorrow night, please.
Henry Crabbe.
That´s right.
Yes.
Well, thank you very much.
See you tomorrow then.
Bye.
MARGARET: I think she said "Dad.
" Sorry, who said what? The woman on the answering machine.
Her voice, it was quite disturbing.
Listen.
[BEEPING.]
Damn thing, what´s the matter with it? I think you must have erased the message, Margaret.
Well, it was very weird, anyway.
We´ve just got time for another glass of champagne, then it´s out to lunch, and a little light shopping.
Yes, let´s do sheets and towels first.
No, no, no, no.
It´s my shopping today, your theater tonight.
Then it´s your shopping tomorrow and my restaurant tomorrow night.
What sort of shopping do you want to do, anyway? Well, I´ve set my heart on this brilliant new saucepan.
MARGARET: A saucepan? Well, that´s got the old adrenaline going.
Here we are in London, one of the great cities of Europe, and you want to go shopping for saucepans.
Now, this is a sauteuse, but could I see the sauté pan in the same style? Certainly.
Look, Margaret, isn´t it beautiful? Copper on the outside, stainless steel on the inside.
You see, copper is the best conductor of heat.
What? Henry, does Nick have a daughter? Yes, he does.
Why? Maybe it was her on the answering machine.
Well, as I recall, Sarah is a very level-headed young woman who works for a building society.
When did you last see her? Oh, must have been 10 years ago.
Yeah, she was still at school.
She was about 15.
Well, I think that we should phone her when we get back to the flat just to make sure everything´s all right.
Ah, here we are.
Thank you.
Oh, look at that.
MARGARET: Oh, lovely.
Maybe you should see what it looks like on.
Do you have a mirror or something? Margaret, this is a work of art.
How much is it, anyway? WOMAN: £114.
95.
What?! Have you made hand-cut chips before? At my last place, we used frozen.
[SIGHS.]
Look, cut the potato lengthways first, like that.
You´re wasting your time.
He´s useless at everything.
Do you two know each other? Sort of.
Actually, we´re married.
Not anymore we´re not.
We We split up.
Tight-fisted git.
Right, time for a chat.
Look, while my boss is away, I´m in charge here and You phoned the agency and they haven´t got anyone else, right? We told you.
There´s a bug going round.
Hmm, a very choosy bug.
CAROL: What? Look, we´re dead busy over the next couple of days and we need help, but I´d rather Sally and I messed it up for ourselves than have you do it for us.
So make a bit of an effort or take off now and don´t come back.
All right, as long as everyone knows I´m doing this for you, Gary, and not for him.
Ohh.
God, I´m exhausted.
Well, perhaps you´re too tired to go to the theater this evening.
- If you like - Oh, no, you don´t.
HENRY: Oh, no, you don´t what? Try to wriggle out of going to see "Cats.
" No, no, no.
I only said if you were tired.
I´m going to have a nice long soak in Nick´s giant bath, and then I´ll be fine.
Fine.
MARGARET: But you must ring Sarah.
Her number´s by the phone.
Oh, God.
You´re not still on about that.
Henry, please.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
[BEEP.]
Hello? Don´t hang up.
I´m here.
HENRY: Hello? Is that Sarah Spencer? Yes, who´s that? HENRY: My name´s Henry Crabbe.
Who? Henry Crabbe.
I used to be in the police with your father.
Well, actually, I still am in the police.
See, thing is, Nick has very kindly said we could stay in the flat for a few days while he´s away in America.
Yes, of course.
Of course I know who you are.
I´m sorry.
I was Yes, we met, didn´t we, a long time ago.
Dad´s always talking about you.
Is everything okay? Yes, yes, thank you.
Actually, I was wondering if everything was all right with you.
See, somebody called here last night and left a message on the answerphone.
No, no, it wasn´t me.
I spoke to Dad last night from the airport before he left.
Everything was fine.
So everything´s all right, really.
Ah.
Well, that´s all right, then.
I´m sorry to have bothered you.
Perhaps we could meet again sometime.
I hope so.
HENRY: Bye, then.
Bye.
Everything´s fine.
How did she sound? Fine.
Come on, Henry.
- Distracted.
- Ah.
Like a young woman might sound if she´s expecting a call from her boyfriend and instead she gets some dreary old pal of her dad´s waffling on about nothing in particular.
Like that.
Well, thanks for trying, Henry.
Henry? Henry, come here.
HENRY: What? Come and look at this.
What now? MARGARET: I´ve found this suitcase under the bed.
So? It´s got an airline label on it, look, with Nick´s name on it.
Really? MARGARET: For a trip to Washington.
Well, his firm is based there.
I mean, he practically commutes.
Margaret, what are you doing? I´m going to look inside.
What do you expect to find in there? A clue? MARGARET: Henry, it´s packed.
Clean shirts, socks, sponge bag.
Henry, razor, toothbrush, pills.
You´re not seriously suggesting he´d leave these behind, are you? Margaret, people who travel a lot sometimes keep a spare case packed.
Wait, wait.
What´s this? A ticket.
Nick´s ticket to Washington.
Look at the time and the date.
Yesterday evening.
Henry, he didn´t go.
Margaret, this is none of our business.
None of our business? Henry, he is your oldest friend.
Aren´t you just a tiny bit concerned? Well, maybe he´s just changed his mind and decided not to go.
Well, why didn´t he tell us? Why didn´t he tell his daughter? Because he wanted us all to think he´d gone to America.
I mean, you´re quite right.
Nicky´s one of my oldest friends and I love him to death, but he does have this weakness for the opposite sex.
I mean, whenever he got into one of his scrapes, it was always a case of cherchez la femme.
I mean, you remember that old girl in the lift this morning.
She saw him with a young woman.
Typical.
But you said he was divorced years ago.
He´s unattached.
He can go wherever he likes with whoever he likes.
Yes, he can, but maybe whoever he´s going with can´t.
[SIGHS.]
Well, it still doesn´t explain the suitcase.
It doesn´t explain why he left it behind.
I think it was Sarah on that answering machine, I think Nick is in trouble and she knows it and she´s too scared to say anything about it.
It does seem out of character.
MARGARET: Ah, so you agree with me? No, no, I didn´t say that at all.
Well, what are we going to do? We´d better get a move on.
There´s somewhere I want to go on the way to the theater.
Hi, Carol.
Hello, Gary.
Hiya.
KEVIN: This hollandaise has split.
You´re supposed to whisk it, not prod it.
Shall I bin it? No, put a little warm water in another bowl, and whisk the split sauce in, a tablespoon at a time.
Told you he couldn´t cook.
You can cook? You don´t think I´d eat his food, do you? Okay, tonight I´m making chicken casserole.
I start by cooking onions and garlic in oil.
What do I put in first, the garlic or the onions? Um You put the onions in first ´cause the garlic cooks quicker.
Right, that´s it.
Carol helps me in here.
Kevin´s with you, Sally.
Thanks a lot.
I´m the chef! I´ve done a course! MARGARET: Maybe it´s something to do with Nick´s job.
I mean, how does he earn all that money? HENRY: He works for one of these multinationals, doesn´t he? He goes around and vets potential employees, does personality profiles, that sort of nonsense.
Two G&T´s, please.
No ice, no slice.
Take a seat, sir.
I´ll bring your drinks over.
Thank you.
Maybe it was some criminal Nick arrested years ago.
HENRY: Margaret! Some heavyweight villain with a grudge against an ex-detective.
Will you please keep your voice down? What´s the matter? No, that´s all right.
Oh, thanks.
Henry, what is this place? Who are all these people? Margaret, shut up! [PIANO PLAYING.]
Blue moon You saw me standing alone Without a dream in my heart Without a love of my own Blue moon You knew just what I was there for And heard me saying a prayer for Someone I really could care for And then he suddenly appeared before me Henry, would you mind telling me what we´re doing here? Just dropping in on an old friend.
Hello, Henry.
Hello, Michael.
Michael, I´d like you to meet my wife, Margaret.
Pleased to meet you, Mrs.
Crabbe.
How do you do? Thank you.
What brings you to the Smoke, Henry? Oh, we just came down to do a little sight-seeing, shopping, you know.
Nice.
And we´re staying over at Nick Spencer´s place, actually.
How is young Nicholas? Well, that´s just it, Michael.
You see, I don´t know.
It seems that he´s gone missing.
We´ve become a little concerned, and I wondered if you might have heard of anything.
The last I heard was that he´d had a little problem with this informant.
Apart from being a right little grassing scumbag Pardon my French, Mrs.
Crabbe This informant is a very bad man who once killed a man with his bare hands.
MARGARET: Good God.
A pal of mine saw it happen, said it turned his stomach.
Claret all over the shop.
Claret? Blood, Margaret.
Have a sandwich.
The salmon´s wild, not farmed.
So, the man investigating this dastardly deed is none other than your friend and mine, Nick Spencer.
He pulls every string in the book, and the bloke´s out in two years.
From then on, he´s working for Nick.
What do you mean, working for Nick? You can make a very nice living pointing the finger in the right direction, Mrs.
Crabbe.
Anyway, I heard they fell out when Nick retired.
The grass lost his wage, he lost his protector.
Rubbish like that, they think the world owes them a living.
Does this particular piece of rubbish have a name? Danny Mayler.
Danny Mayler.
That´s it! That´s what? "Danny´s coming over.
He´s out of control.
" That´s what the woman on the answering machine said.
What Michael´s been talking about happened more than four years ago, Margaret.
So? Danny´s a psychopath, he´s out of control, he comes to see Nick, they argue, and Henry, we´ve missed the theater! We´ve missed "Cats.
" That´s a shame.
I do like a West End show.
Me too, Michael.
Me too.
GARY: Bit of pressure with the hand and you hear a crack as the skin gives.
And then, just peel it off.
Scrubbed up quite well, hasn´t he? Yeah, almost human.
KEVIN: I feel a right wally.
Gary´s teaching me how to peel garlic.
Big deal.
No, not bad at all.
Making us hang around in that pub for hours.
You did that on purpose.
You´re the one who wanted to stick her nose in.
Who was that man Michael, anyway? Oh, he used to help me out now and then.
Help you out? Yeah.
Hold the lift! You mean he was your whatsit, your grass? Margaret, look, I´m sorry about "Cats.
" When we get home, I´ll read you the book.
The book? Yeah.
"Old Possum´s Book of Practical Cats" by T.
S.
Eliot.
T.
S.
Eliot was a poet.
I know who T.
S.
Eliot was.
You can wear your catsuit and do a little dance.
If you ask me really nicely, I might.
All quiet on the wheely bin front? Excuse me.
You said you saw Mr.
Spencer with a young woman yesterday.
I may have done.
What was she like? She wore too much makeup.
Would you say they were together? No, she came up in the lift with me.
I see.
Have you seen her here before? There are other things to do than to watch who comes in and out of the building.
Yes, I´m sure there are.
Thank you so much.
It must have been Sarah.
She phoned Nick to tell him Danny Mayler was on his way over.
The answering machine was on, so she came over herself to see if everything was all right.
Yes, but I think the woman with too much makeup on is on a beach beside Nick even now.
And all that Danny Mayler stuff, well, that happened more than four years ago.
Added to which, Nick was absolutely scrupulous about separating work from home.
So there´s just no way that Sarah would have known anything about his relationship with Danny Mayler.
Huh.
Like that man Michael, you mean.
You think you know somebody, and then one day, you just turn around and Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Henry! [GASPS.]
Who are you? Who are we? Never mind who are we.
Who are you? All right, Margaret.
I am Detective Inspector Henry Crabbe, Westershire Constabulary.
Now, who are you, and what are you doing in this apartment? Ken Purley, Metropolitan Police.
Where´s Nick? Well, that´s a very good question He´s in America.
Nick used to be my governor, didn´t he? He´s a good mate, Nick.
´Cause I live out in Walthamstow, he gave me a set of keys.
Just in case I had a couple of bevvies and didn´t feel like schlepping home, he let me kip down here on the sofa.
And you just forgot that he was in America? Oh.
[SIGHS.]
America.
Yeah.
Clean forgot.
Well, we had a bit of a lunchtime session, know what I mean? One of the lads is getting married, and I got just the tiniest bit trollied.
How does that look? Okay? Excuse me.
Look, I´m very sorry to have intruded.
No, really, I´m very sorry indeed.
Anyway, it´s been nice to meet you.
And you.
MARGARET: Why didn´t you ask him about Danny Mayler? Because he looked remarkably clear-eyed for somebody that had been on the bevvie all day, I couldn´t smell any alcohol on his breath, and I think he was looking for something.
The suitcase.
Did you leave these doors open? Don´t think so.
He must have been looking in here first.
MARGARET: Well, somebody´s been ferreting about.
There´s nothing missing, though.
He obviously didn´t find anything.
Do you think Ken Purley is in on it? In on what? Maybe he knows Danny.
Maybe they´re blackmailing Nick.
[SIGHS.]
Don´t be so lurid.
Try and remember you´re an accountant.
Well, what do you think? Well, I think speculation is pointless.
Tomorrow I´m going to see Sarah to find out what she knows about all this.
We don´t know where she lives.
HENRY: We do.
I found the address book in the desk.
Now, if you´ll excuse me, I´m going to make garlic bread.
Two apple crumbles, one Stilton.
Thanks.
All I need now is a salad for table five, and we´re done for the night.
Right.
The dressing´s over there.
Give it a whisk.
This dressing smells great.
What´s in it? Walnut oil.
You don´t want to use too much, though.
It´s a powerful flavor.
How´s that? Great.
Guess what.
Those women on four just gave me 10 quid.
One salad, table five, and get a move on.
Right.
Let´s start clearing up.
MARGARET: What´s Nick really like? HENRY: Well, if I was in trouble, he´s the first one I´d go to for help.
That´s what he´s like.
Are you the first one he´d go to? Before this weekend, I´d have said yes.
Ah, you really do think he´s in trouble.
When me, Nick, and Freddy Fisher first started on the job together, Nick was the brightest and the best.
He used to say, "Freddy will end up in charge.
I´ll end up in trouble.
" We used to think it was a joke.
Freddy Fisher couldn´t cross the road in those days.
And now look at him.
Exactly.
He was very astute, Nick.
I think he saw something in himself, something that would stop him going all the way.
Yes, I see.
Come on, let´s find out if it´s her.
I don´t think Nick went to Washington.
Have you seen him? No.
Have you seen Has anyone been to the flat? MARGARET: Like Danny Mayler for instance? You know about Danny Mayler? Yes.
It was you on the answering machine, wasn´t it? Yes.
MARGARET: And then later on, you came to the flat.
Yes.
Because you were worried about Nick? No, because I was worried about Danny.
Why were you worried about him? Why do you think? When Dad found out about us, he said if Danny ever saw me again, he´d get him sent straight back to prison.
He said he could work it so Danny would never get out.
You know Danny killed a man.
It was self-defense.
Dad and his friends just spread lies.
Danny was punished for what he did.
Now he´s changed.
He´s not the same person.
But you said on the answering machine he was out of control.
I meant he was angry, he was upset.
HENRY: And you haven´t seen or heard from him since? No, I haven´t, because Dad´s friends have got him, like that creep Ken Purley.
They´ve given him a beating and shoved him in a cell somewhere.
That doesn´t sound like your father´s style.
Oh, really? I´ve been around policemen all my life.
I know what it´s like when they close rank.
They´ll break every rule in the book.
Not all of them.
You´re right.
I´m sorry.
Dad always said you were too straight to be a copper.
You know, if Purley was looking for something maybe we came back before he´d finished.
Ah.
Passport.
But what does it mean? Well, it means he certainly hasn´t left the country.
What are you saying? That Nick sent Ken Purley over here to get his passport? Well, friendship´s a commodity with some people.
It´s negotiable.
Okay, how about this? Nick sent Danny Mayler away with his tail between his legs, missed his flight, and sent Ken Purley round here to get his passport because he didn´t want to explain himself to us.
Oh, well, we´ve done what we can.
Let´s go shopping for sheets and towels.
That would drive you mad, wouldn´t it? It should come about here, shouldn´t it? Yes.
I´ll push.
You pull.
Pull.
Okay.
1, 2, 3! [GRUNTING.]
Good.
Oh, no.
Henry.
No! Claret.
Henry, this is no time to be flippant.
It´s Burgundy, actually.
Nasty stain.
It´s very hard to get off.
Right, today I´m doing cheese soufflés, which means you´ve got to be on your toes.
I want them straight from the oven to the table.
Hey, I´m talking to you.
I heard.
It was good drink last night, wasn´t it? Was it? We went to the Purple Ploughman for a beer.
It´s good fun, wasn´t it? Yeah, great.
I think she fancies me.
Thanks, Sally.
All I need is Carol throwing a moody in the kitchen.
Here, you and Kevin, you didn´t.
We didn´t go together.
I went with some mates, then he turned up later and stood at the other end of the bar gawping.
Anyway, perhaps it´s not such a bad thing.
What do you mean? Well, they´re obviously bonkers about each other, aren´t they? All they ever do is fight.
Same thing, Gary.
Perhaps it´ll gee her up a bit if she thinks he´s on the pull.
Bit of psychology, right? You going to show me how your soufflés rise, Gary? [DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Now that´s the sheets and towels done.
And all we have to deal with is the restaurant.
So what am I in for, Henry? Am I going to be patronized by snooty French waiters for using the wrong fork or snooty kids who think I should be in a home? Well, it´s sort of traditional English with Pacific influences.
Oh, lovely.
Just what I´m in the mood for.
What´s that? It´s that note that Nicky left us yesterday.
I´ve been thinking about it all day.
"Dear Crabbes, welcome to the big city.
To achieve liftoff, open fridge on arrival.
Have a great time, wish I was with you, love Nicky.
P.
S.
I think it might be chip butties for me on Friday night.
" Chip butties? Yeah.
See, when I did my stint on the Met with Nicky, we used to have this ritual.
After a really good week, we´d go and celebrate at this wonderful restaurant in Clerkenwell.
Marvelous lasagna.
But after a really bad week, we´d go to a cafe across the river and have chip butties.
Terrible chips.
Nicky took it very seriously.
He said inappropriate celebration was bad luck.
I have to pop out.
If I´m not back by 7:30, go on to the restaurant.
I´ll meet you there.
Henry, this is supposed to be our holiday.
You shouldn´t have opened that suitcase.
Oh, Gary, they´re beautiful.
Where´s Kevin, for crying out loud? CAROL: Come on, Kevin.
The soufflés for table six are ready.
Are these the soufflés for table six? Yes.
Now get going.
Carol, will you get the cream from the fridge, please? Do you fancy going out for a drink tonight, Gary? I don´t drink.
Now, will you get the cream? What´s the matter? Don´t you like girls asking you out? She´s driving me mad! So I see.
Perhaps you should go with the flow.
What´s that supposed to mean? It means maybe you should start having a good time instead of mooning over that.
Single or double, Gary? Good evening.
Oh, good evening.
[CLICKING.]
Hello, Henry.
Hello, Nicky.
Usual table? Why not? I went to see Sarah.
She told me about her and Danny Mayler.
Yeah.
He came to the flat once, uninvited.
It only took me five minutes to get him out of there, but it was enough time for that piece of filth to get his hooks into my girl.
So, where is he now? My first reaction was, you know, she did it to punish me for leaving her mother, but She kept it secret, Henry, for three years.
You know what that means? It means she loved him.
That really hurt.
Nicky, where is Danny Mayler now? He´s dead.
Danny came round the flat the night before last.
I was packing for the flight to Washington.
So I let him in, gave him a drink.
He started balling the odds, throwing my wine everywhere, tried to shove me around a bit, so I whacked him as hard as I could.
I think I broke his nose.
Anyway, I managed to get him out of there but not before he bled all over one of the rugs.
You were arriving next day, so I cleaned up as best I could.
The rug was a real mess.
It had to go.
So I rolled it up, took it down to the basement.
Danny Mayler was waiting for me down there.
He had a knife.
It got a little bit hairy.
HENRY: What happened? He lost.
I managed to get him into one of the bins down there.
Then the old bat who lives on my floor pops up, starts giving me a lecture about using the wrong bins.
Then Sarah turns up, looking for Danny.
I hid.
She went up in the lift with the old bat.
Sarah´s got a key to the flat.
I´d no idea how long she´d be, and anyway, my hand needed seeing to, so I left.
Next day, I contacted Ken Purley.
Ken owes me a favor or two.
He went back to the flat.
I needed my passport, you see.
Unfortunately, it wasn´t where I thought it was.
Then you two turned up.
HENRY: Did Ken move the body? NICK: No, there wasn´t time.
He´s doing it now.
I thought you two would be out on the town.
HENRY: My God.
Margaret´s there.
Evening, Mrs.
Crabbe.
[TAPPING.]
Let me out of here at once.
Sorry, Mrs.
C.
, we don´t want you being seen, do we? Hold on.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
[GASPING.]
Are you all right? Where are we going anyway? Well, first, we´re going to pick Nick up, then we´re going out to the Lea Valley where a pal of mine runs the incineration plant.
They´ll take a nice long tea break while we cremate Danny Mayler.
You can´t do that.
Danny Mayler is the scum of the earth.
Nick did us all a favor.
MARGARET: I don´t agree and neither will my husband.
PURLEY: Your husband´ll be staunch.
Him and Nick go way back.
[CELLPHONE RINGS.]
[BEEP.]
Yeah? Oh, speak of the devil.
Yeah, yeah, she´s here.
Yeah, hold on, hold on.
It´s for you.
It´s your old man.
Got it? Hello? How am I? Marvelous.
I´m in the back of a van with a dead body.
Things couldn´t be better.
This job of mine, Henry.
I make people fill out questionnaires.
I make them tell me their dreams.
I even hook them up to lie detectors.
Then I write a psychological profile.
You know something? It´s a complete waste of time.
Somebody walks in a room, give me two minutes.
I´ll tell you whether they´re any good or not.
But that won´t do.
The company want me to be scientific.
So, what are you going to do about all this, Henry? What are you going to do about it? [VEHICLE APPROACHES.]
They´re here.
Mrs.
Crabbe, come in.
Danny Mayler´s body is in the back of that van.
They´re going to destroy it in some kind of incinerator.
Yes, I know, Margaret.
You´re not going to let them do it, are you? Henry? Nick, I think we ought to go.
Margaret, Danny Mayler will vanish without a trace.
No one´s going to miss him.
What about Sarah? Sarah´ll survive.
I´ll see to that.
Hey, look, no one´s going to be looking at Nick for this.
We´re all friends here.
I´ll clean up the loose ends, end of story.
I don´t see what the problem is.
Oh, there is just one thing, Nick.
I did look, but I couldn´t find your passport.
Ah.
PURLEY: I knew you´d be staunch, Crabbe.
Henry, you´re not going to let him do this? Well, Henry? You´re a big boy now, Nick.
You decide.
You always were a bloody nuisance, Henry.
PURLEY: Nick, what are you doing? You go home, Ken.
Get out.
We´ll leave you out of this.
I don´t understand.
I know you don´t, Ken.
I know you don´t.
SALLY: There you go, Kev.
Not a bad evening.
Ta.
SALLY: Oh, cheer up.
There´s nothing to cheer up for.
What if I was to take you for a drink at the Purple Ploughman? That was a good service.
34 covers.
I did all right, did I? You did more than all right.
You´ve got talent.
Really? Yeah.
What? You´re all sweaty.
It´s hot in here.
I like it.
It smells nice.
Sweat and garlic.
It´s dead sexy.
You´ve got flour all over your face.
How do I look? You look great.
Oh, yeah.
I was going to ask you something.
CAROL: Ask me what? I was going to ask you if you´d like to I´m off now.
Bye.
KEVIN: Well, aren´t you going to come with me, then? What for? ´Cause if you don´t, I´m off for good.
CAROL: Yeah, I´ve heard that before.
You´d better come with me, Carol.
She doesn´t want to go with you, Kevin.
Do you? This time, I mean it.
Okay? [SIGHS.]
I´m gonna kill him.
See you, Gary.
It was great working with you.
What´s up? What happened? I got the knock-back.
Oh, me too.
Thank you.
Oh, lovely.
What would you have done if Nick had picked up that passport and walked out with Ken Purley? God knows.
I was hoping that he wouldn´t, and I´m really glad that he didn´t.
It was a close-run thing, though.
What a night.
Now it´s back to our little flat above the restaurant.
Oh, I can´t wait.
I´ve had enough excitement to last me a lifetime.
If Nick thought that he would end up in trouble and Fisher would end up in charge, how did he think you´d end up? He said I´d end up happy.
SALLY: Here they are.
- Hi! - Hello.
- Are you all right? - Yeah, fine, thanks.
So, how did it all go, then? GARY: Great.
Fantastic.
Over 90 covers.
- Well done! - Really? So, what were the people from the agency like? Oh, you know great, fine.
What about you? Did you have a good time? Great.
Marvelous.
SALLY: And how was the show? Well, we didn´t actually make the show.
What about that restaurant? Well, we didn´t actually make that either.
We just Rested.
Henry, we´re going to miss that train! Look, if I´ve got to have strange people working in the restaurant, I want to have a good look at them first.
They´ve got great references, Chef.
You said so yourself.
The man from the agency said they´d be perfect.
Stop worrying and come on! Yes, but I haven´t seen them.
We´ll be fine.
Just go.
Look, we could always get the later train.
You can if you like.
I´m going now.
HENRY: Oh, all right.
Now, Gary, have you got the phone number? Yes, Chef! Right.
And you´re sure you´re okay about those potted shrimps? Yes.
Right.
Oh, and when the fish man comes, don´t get any of those trout unless you think they´re really Really fresh, I know.
Go, go! Good luck, you two.
- Bye.
- Thanks.
Have a great time, okay? - Bye.
- Bye-bye.
[BOTH SIGH.]
HENRY: Did I say anything to Gary about trout? MARGARET: Yes! Stop fretting.
I hereby declare this holiday officially started! There you go.
Keep the change.
MAN: Thank you.
Is this where Nick lives? HENRY: Yes.
Good.
Hold the lift! Fifth floor.
MARGARET: That´s us, too.
Might I ask what business you have in this building? MARGARET: We´re staying in a friend´s flat.
Nick Spencer.
He lives at number 9.
I´m aware of the flat Mr.
Spencer lives in.
He´s gone to America on business, you see, so we´re staying there.
Just for a couple of nights.
It´s a bit of a break for us, isn´t it, Henry? My husband´s a policeman.
MRS.
HYDE: When you next see Mr.
Spencer, would you remind him that the large wheely bins on the right of the basement are for the flats at the rear of the building? I saw him down there only last night.
I told the young lady She got in the lift But she didn´t seem to take it in.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
That´ll be them.
About time, too.
Hello.
Hiya.
Simon and Charlotte, yeah? I´m Kevin, actually.
Didn´t the agency phone you? There´s been a flu bug.
Everyone´s off sick.
So you weren´t a sous chef at the Maison des Gourmets? Don´t think so, no.
SALLY: And you´re not Charlotte who´s worked at the Barstock Country Club? No, I´m Carol, and you wouldn´t catch me dead working at that dump.
[SIGHS.]
This is marvelous! Don´t tell me Nick pays for this out of a police pension.
Good God, no.
It´s this flash job of his.
I told you.
"Dear Crabbes, welcome to the big city.
To achieve liftoff, open fridge on arrival.
" He´s left a bottle of champagne.
And there´s no food.
Typical.
You know, Nicky´s idea of cooking is adding ice to Scotch.
"Have a great time, wish I was with you, love Nicky.
P.
S" Huh, indeed.
MARGARET: There´s a message on his answering machine.
Oh, get that.
It might be Gary for me.
What if it´s for Nick? Oh, then just write it down.
[BEEPING.]
WOMAN: Dad? Are you there? Pick up the phone.
Hello? Look, Danny´s on his way to see you.
I couldn´t stop him.
He´s out of control.
I didn´t know what to do.
Hello? Are you there? [BEEP.]
Henry, there´s a very strange message on this answering machine from a woman.
She didn´t leave her name I just want to call La Tante Hélène to confirm that booking for tomorrow.
She sounded a bit upset.
Probably just a wrong number.
MARGARET: Yes, it´s very fuzzy.
You can´t hear everything she says.
You know, people have to book months in advance at this place.
They put their kids´ names down for a table.
I just thought I´d ring to confirm Hello? Hello, I´d like to confirm a table for tomorrow night, please.
Henry Crabbe.
That´s right.
Yes.
Well, thank you very much.
See you tomorrow then.
Bye.
MARGARET: I think she said "Dad.
" Sorry, who said what? The woman on the answering machine.
Her voice, it was quite disturbing.
Listen.
[BEEPING.]
Damn thing, what´s the matter with it? I think you must have erased the message, Margaret.
Well, it was very weird, anyway.
We´ve just got time for another glass of champagne, then it´s out to lunch, and a little light shopping.
Yes, let´s do sheets and towels first.
No, no, no, no.
It´s my shopping today, your theater tonight.
Then it´s your shopping tomorrow and my restaurant tomorrow night.
What sort of shopping do you want to do, anyway? Well, I´ve set my heart on this brilliant new saucepan.
MARGARET: A saucepan? Well, that´s got the old adrenaline going.
Here we are in London, one of the great cities of Europe, and you want to go shopping for saucepans.
Now, this is a sauteuse, but could I see the sauté pan in the same style? Certainly.
Look, Margaret, isn´t it beautiful? Copper on the outside, stainless steel on the inside.
You see, copper is the best conductor of heat.
What? Henry, does Nick have a daughter? Yes, he does.
Why? Maybe it was her on the answering machine.
Well, as I recall, Sarah is a very level-headed young woman who works for a building society.
When did you last see her? Oh, must have been 10 years ago.
Yeah, she was still at school.
She was about 15.
Well, I think that we should phone her when we get back to the flat just to make sure everything´s all right.
Ah, here we are.
Thank you.
Oh, look at that.
MARGARET: Oh, lovely.
Maybe you should see what it looks like on.
Do you have a mirror or something? Margaret, this is a work of art.
How much is it, anyway? WOMAN: £114.
95.
What?! Have you made hand-cut chips before? At my last place, we used frozen.
[SIGHS.]
Look, cut the potato lengthways first, like that.
You´re wasting your time.
He´s useless at everything.
Do you two know each other? Sort of.
Actually, we´re married.
Not anymore we´re not.
We We split up.
Tight-fisted git.
Right, time for a chat.
Look, while my boss is away, I´m in charge here and You phoned the agency and they haven´t got anyone else, right? We told you.
There´s a bug going round.
Hmm, a very choosy bug.
CAROL: What? Look, we´re dead busy over the next couple of days and we need help, but I´d rather Sally and I messed it up for ourselves than have you do it for us.
So make a bit of an effort or take off now and don´t come back.
All right, as long as everyone knows I´m doing this for you, Gary, and not for him.
Ohh.
God, I´m exhausted.
Well, perhaps you´re too tired to go to the theater this evening.
- If you like - Oh, no, you don´t.
HENRY: Oh, no, you don´t what? Try to wriggle out of going to see "Cats.
" No, no, no.
I only said if you were tired.
I´m going to have a nice long soak in Nick´s giant bath, and then I´ll be fine.
Fine.
MARGARET: But you must ring Sarah.
Her number´s by the phone.
Oh, God.
You´re not still on about that.
Henry, please.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
[BEEP.]
Hello? Don´t hang up.
I´m here.
HENRY: Hello? Is that Sarah Spencer? Yes, who´s that? HENRY: My name´s Henry Crabbe.
Who? Henry Crabbe.
I used to be in the police with your father.
Well, actually, I still am in the police.
See, thing is, Nick has very kindly said we could stay in the flat for a few days while he´s away in America.
Yes, of course.
Of course I know who you are.
I´m sorry.
I was Yes, we met, didn´t we, a long time ago.
Dad´s always talking about you.
Is everything okay? Yes, yes, thank you.
Actually, I was wondering if everything was all right with you.
See, somebody called here last night and left a message on the answerphone.
No, no, it wasn´t me.
I spoke to Dad last night from the airport before he left.
Everything was fine.
So everything´s all right, really.
Ah.
Well, that´s all right, then.
I´m sorry to have bothered you.
Perhaps we could meet again sometime.
I hope so.
HENRY: Bye, then.
Bye.
Everything´s fine.
How did she sound? Fine.
Come on, Henry.
- Distracted.
- Ah.
Like a young woman might sound if she´s expecting a call from her boyfriend and instead she gets some dreary old pal of her dad´s waffling on about nothing in particular.
Like that.
Well, thanks for trying, Henry.
Henry? Henry, come here.
HENRY: What? Come and look at this.
What now? MARGARET: I´ve found this suitcase under the bed.
So? It´s got an airline label on it, look, with Nick´s name on it.
Really? MARGARET: For a trip to Washington.
Well, his firm is based there.
I mean, he practically commutes.
Margaret, what are you doing? I´m going to look inside.
What do you expect to find in there? A clue? MARGARET: Henry, it´s packed.
Clean shirts, socks, sponge bag.
Henry, razor, toothbrush, pills.
You´re not seriously suggesting he´d leave these behind, are you? Margaret, people who travel a lot sometimes keep a spare case packed.
Wait, wait.
What´s this? A ticket.
Nick´s ticket to Washington.
Look at the time and the date.
Yesterday evening.
Henry, he didn´t go.
Margaret, this is none of our business.
None of our business? Henry, he is your oldest friend.
Aren´t you just a tiny bit concerned? Well, maybe he´s just changed his mind and decided not to go.
Well, why didn´t he tell us? Why didn´t he tell his daughter? Because he wanted us all to think he´d gone to America.
I mean, you´re quite right.
Nicky´s one of my oldest friends and I love him to death, but he does have this weakness for the opposite sex.
I mean, whenever he got into one of his scrapes, it was always a case of cherchez la femme.
I mean, you remember that old girl in the lift this morning.
She saw him with a young woman.
Typical.
But you said he was divorced years ago.
He´s unattached.
He can go wherever he likes with whoever he likes.
Yes, he can, but maybe whoever he´s going with can´t.
[SIGHS.]
Well, it still doesn´t explain the suitcase.
It doesn´t explain why he left it behind.
I think it was Sarah on that answering machine, I think Nick is in trouble and she knows it and she´s too scared to say anything about it.
It does seem out of character.
MARGARET: Ah, so you agree with me? No, no, I didn´t say that at all.
Well, what are we going to do? We´d better get a move on.
There´s somewhere I want to go on the way to the theater.
Hi, Carol.
Hello, Gary.
Hiya.
KEVIN: This hollandaise has split.
You´re supposed to whisk it, not prod it.
Shall I bin it? No, put a little warm water in another bowl, and whisk the split sauce in, a tablespoon at a time.
Told you he couldn´t cook.
You can cook? You don´t think I´d eat his food, do you? Okay, tonight I´m making chicken casserole.
I start by cooking onions and garlic in oil.
What do I put in first, the garlic or the onions? Um You put the onions in first ´cause the garlic cooks quicker.
Right, that´s it.
Carol helps me in here.
Kevin´s with you, Sally.
Thanks a lot.
I´m the chef! I´ve done a course! MARGARET: Maybe it´s something to do with Nick´s job.
I mean, how does he earn all that money? HENRY: He works for one of these multinationals, doesn´t he? He goes around and vets potential employees, does personality profiles, that sort of nonsense.
Two G&T´s, please.
No ice, no slice.
Take a seat, sir.
I´ll bring your drinks over.
Thank you.
Maybe it was some criminal Nick arrested years ago.
HENRY: Margaret! Some heavyweight villain with a grudge against an ex-detective.
Will you please keep your voice down? What´s the matter? No, that´s all right.
Oh, thanks.
Henry, what is this place? Who are all these people? Margaret, shut up! [PIANO PLAYING.]
Blue moon You saw me standing alone Without a dream in my heart Without a love of my own Blue moon You knew just what I was there for And heard me saying a prayer for Someone I really could care for And then he suddenly appeared before me Henry, would you mind telling me what we´re doing here? Just dropping in on an old friend.
Hello, Henry.
Hello, Michael.
Michael, I´d like you to meet my wife, Margaret.
Pleased to meet you, Mrs.
Crabbe.
How do you do? Thank you.
What brings you to the Smoke, Henry? Oh, we just came down to do a little sight-seeing, shopping, you know.
Nice.
And we´re staying over at Nick Spencer´s place, actually.
How is young Nicholas? Well, that´s just it, Michael.
You see, I don´t know.
It seems that he´s gone missing.
We´ve become a little concerned, and I wondered if you might have heard of anything.
The last I heard was that he´d had a little problem with this informant.
Apart from being a right little grassing scumbag Pardon my French, Mrs.
Crabbe This informant is a very bad man who once killed a man with his bare hands.
MARGARET: Good God.
A pal of mine saw it happen, said it turned his stomach.
Claret all over the shop.
Claret? Blood, Margaret.
Have a sandwich.
The salmon´s wild, not farmed.
So, the man investigating this dastardly deed is none other than your friend and mine, Nick Spencer.
He pulls every string in the book, and the bloke´s out in two years.
From then on, he´s working for Nick.
What do you mean, working for Nick? You can make a very nice living pointing the finger in the right direction, Mrs.
Crabbe.
Anyway, I heard they fell out when Nick retired.
The grass lost his wage, he lost his protector.
Rubbish like that, they think the world owes them a living.
Does this particular piece of rubbish have a name? Danny Mayler.
Danny Mayler.
That´s it! That´s what? "Danny´s coming over.
He´s out of control.
" That´s what the woman on the answering machine said.
What Michael´s been talking about happened more than four years ago, Margaret.
So? Danny´s a psychopath, he´s out of control, he comes to see Nick, they argue, and Henry, we´ve missed the theater! We´ve missed "Cats.
" That´s a shame.
I do like a West End show.
Me too, Michael.
Me too.
GARY: Bit of pressure with the hand and you hear a crack as the skin gives.
And then, just peel it off.
Scrubbed up quite well, hasn´t he? Yeah, almost human.
KEVIN: I feel a right wally.
Gary´s teaching me how to peel garlic.
Big deal.
No, not bad at all.
Making us hang around in that pub for hours.
You did that on purpose.
You´re the one who wanted to stick her nose in.
Who was that man Michael, anyway? Oh, he used to help me out now and then.
Help you out? Yeah.
Hold the lift! You mean he was your whatsit, your grass? Margaret, look, I´m sorry about "Cats.
" When we get home, I´ll read you the book.
The book? Yeah.
"Old Possum´s Book of Practical Cats" by T.
S.
Eliot.
T.
S.
Eliot was a poet.
I know who T.
S.
Eliot was.
You can wear your catsuit and do a little dance.
If you ask me really nicely, I might.
All quiet on the wheely bin front? Excuse me.
You said you saw Mr.
Spencer with a young woman yesterday.
I may have done.
What was she like? She wore too much makeup.
Would you say they were together? No, she came up in the lift with me.
I see.
Have you seen her here before? There are other things to do than to watch who comes in and out of the building.
Yes, I´m sure there are.
Thank you so much.
It must have been Sarah.
She phoned Nick to tell him Danny Mayler was on his way over.
The answering machine was on, so she came over herself to see if everything was all right.
Yes, but I think the woman with too much makeup on is on a beach beside Nick even now.
And all that Danny Mayler stuff, well, that happened more than four years ago.
Added to which, Nick was absolutely scrupulous about separating work from home.
So there´s just no way that Sarah would have known anything about his relationship with Danny Mayler.
Huh.
Like that man Michael, you mean.
You think you know somebody, and then one day, you just turn around and Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Henry! [GASPS.]
Who are you? Who are we? Never mind who are we.
Who are you? All right, Margaret.
I am Detective Inspector Henry Crabbe, Westershire Constabulary.
Now, who are you, and what are you doing in this apartment? Ken Purley, Metropolitan Police.
Where´s Nick? Well, that´s a very good question He´s in America.
Nick used to be my governor, didn´t he? He´s a good mate, Nick.
´Cause I live out in Walthamstow, he gave me a set of keys.
Just in case I had a couple of bevvies and didn´t feel like schlepping home, he let me kip down here on the sofa.
And you just forgot that he was in America? Oh.
[SIGHS.]
America.
Yeah.
Clean forgot.
Well, we had a bit of a lunchtime session, know what I mean? One of the lads is getting married, and I got just the tiniest bit trollied.
How does that look? Okay? Excuse me.
Look, I´m very sorry to have intruded.
No, really, I´m very sorry indeed.
Anyway, it´s been nice to meet you.
And you.
MARGARET: Why didn´t you ask him about Danny Mayler? Because he looked remarkably clear-eyed for somebody that had been on the bevvie all day, I couldn´t smell any alcohol on his breath, and I think he was looking for something.
The suitcase.
Did you leave these doors open? Don´t think so.
He must have been looking in here first.
MARGARET: Well, somebody´s been ferreting about.
There´s nothing missing, though.
He obviously didn´t find anything.
Do you think Ken Purley is in on it? In on what? Maybe he knows Danny.
Maybe they´re blackmailing Nick.
[SIGHS.]
Don´t be so lurid.
Try and remember you´re an accountant.
Well, what do you think? Well, I think speculation is pointless.
Tomorrow I´m going to see Sarah to find out what she knows about all this.
We don´t know where she lives.
HENRY: We do.
I found the address book in the desk.
Now, if you´ll excuse me, I´m going to make garlic bread.
Two apple crumbles, one Stilton.
Thanks.
All I need now is a salad for table five, and we´re done for the night.
Right.
The dressing´s over there.
Give it a whisk.
This dressing smells great.
What´s in it? Walnut oil.
You don´t want to use too much, though.
It´s a powerful flavor.
How´s that? Great.
Guess what.
Those women on four just gave me 10 quid.
One salad, table five, and get a move on.
Right.
Let´s start clearing up.
MARGARET: What´s Nick really like? HENRY: Well, if I was in trouble, he´s the first one I´d go to for help.
That´s what he´s like.
Are you the first one he´d go to? Before this weekend, I´d have said yes.
Ah, you really do think he´s in trouble.
When me, Nick, and Freddy Fisher first started on the job together, Nick was the brightest and the best.
He used to say, "Freddy will end up in charge.
I´ll end up in trouble.
" We used to think it was a joke.
Freddy Fisher couldn´t cross the road in those days.
And now look at him.
Exactly.
He was very astute, Nick.
I think he saw something in himself, something that would stop him going all the way.
Yes, I see.
Come on, let´s find out if it´s her.
I don´t think Nick went to Washington.
Have you seen him? No.
Have you seen Has anyone been to the flat? MARGARET: Like Danny Mayler for instance? You know about Danny Mayler? Yes.
It was you on the answering machine, wasn´t it? Yes.
MARGARET: And then later on, you came to the flat.
Yes.
Because you were worried about Nick? No, because I was worried about Danny.
Why were you worried about him? Why do you think? When Dad found out about us, he said if Danny ever saw me again, he´d get him sent straight back to prison.
He said he could work it so Danny would never get out.
You know Danny killed a man.
It was self-defense.
Dad and his friends just spread lies.
Danny was punished for what he did.
Now he´s changed.
He´s not the same person.
But you said on the answering machine he was out of control.
I meant he was angry, he was upset.
HENRY: And you haven´t seen or heard from him since? No, I haven´t, because Dad´s friends have got him, like that creep Ken Purley.
They´ve given him a beating and shoved him in a cell somewhere.
That doesn´t sound like your father´s style.
Oh, really? I´ve been around policemen all my life.
I know what it´s like when they close rank.
They´ll break every rule in the book.
Not all of them.
You´re right.
I´m sorry.
Dad always said you were too straight to be a copper.
You know, if Purley was looking for something maybe we came back before he´d finished.
Ah.
Passport.
But what does it mean? Well, it means he certainly hasn´t left the country.
What are you saying? That Nick sent Ken Purley over here to get his passport? Well, friendship´s a commodity with some people.
It´s negotiable.
Okay, how about this? Nick sent Danny Mayler away with his tail between his legs, missed his flight, and sent Ken Purley round here to get his passport because he didn´t want to explain himself to us.
Oh, well, we´ve done what we can.
Let´s go shopping for sheets and towels.
That would drive you mad, wouldn´t it? It should come about here, shouldn´t it? Yes.
I´ll push.
You pull.
Pull.
Okay.
1, 2, 3! [GRUNTING.]
Good.
Oh, no.
Henry.
No! Claret.
Henry, this is no time to be flippant.
It´s Burgundy, actually.
Nasty stain.
It´s very hard to get off.
Right, today I´m doing cheese soufflés, which means you´ve got to be on your toes.
I want them straight from the oven to the table.
Hey, I´m talking to you.
I heard.
It was good drink last night, wasn´t it? Was it? We went to the Purple Ploughman for a beer.
It´s good fun, wasn´t it? Yeah, great.
I think she fancies me.
Thanks, Sally.
All I need is Carol throwing a moody in the kitchen.
Here, you and Kevin, you didn´t.
We didn´t go together.
I went with some mates, then he turned up later and stood at the other end of the bar gawping.
Anyway, perhaps it´s not such a bad thing.
What do you mean? Well, they´re obviously bonkers about each other, aren´t they? All they ever do is fight.
Same thing, Gary.
Perhaps it´ll gee her up a bit if she thinks he´s on the pull.
Bit of psychology, right? You going to show me how your soufflés rise, Gary? [DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Now that´s the sheets and towels done.
And all we have to deal with is the restaurant.
So what am I in for, Henry? Am I going to be patronized by snooty French waiters for using the wrong fork or snooty kids who think I should be in a home? Well, it´s sort of traditional English with Pacific influences.
Oh, lovely.
Just what I´m in the mood for.
What´s that? It´s that note that Nicky left us yesterday.
I´ve been thinking about it all day.
"Dear Crabbes, welcome to the big city.
To achieve liftoff, open fridge on arrival.
Have a great time, wish I was with you, love Nicky.
P.
S.
I think it might be chip butties for me on Friday night.
" Chip butties? Yeah.
See, when I did my stint on the Met with Nicky, we used to have this ritual.
After a really good week, we´d go and celebrate at this wonderful restaurant in Clerkenwell.
Marvelous lasagna.
But after a really bad week, we´d go to a cafe across the river and have chip butties.
Terrible chips.
Nicky took it very seriously.
He said inappropriate celebration was bad luck.
I have to pop out.
If I´m not back by 7:30, go on to the restaurant.
I´ll meet you there.
Henry, this is supposed to be our holiday.
You shouldn´t have opened that suitcase.
Oh, Gary, they´re beautiful.
Where´s Kevin, for crying out loud? CAROL: Come on, Kevin.
The soufflés for table six are ready.
Are these the soufflés for table six? Yes.
Now get going.
Carol, will you get the cream from the fridge, please? Do you fancy going out for a drink tonight, Gary? I don´t drink.
Now, will you get the cream? What´s the matter? Don´t you like girls asking you out? She´s driving me mad! So I see.
Perhaps you should go with the flow.
What´s that supposed to mean? It means maybe you should start having a good time instead of mooning over that.
Single or double, Gary? Good evening.
Oh, good evening.
[CLICKING.]
Hello, Henry.
Hello, Nicky.
Usual table? Why not? I went to see Sarah.
She told me about her and Danny Mayler.
Yeah.
He came to the flat once, uninvited.
It only took me five minutes to get him out of there, but it was enough time for that piece of filth to get his hooks into my girl.
So, where is he now? My first reaction was, you know, she did it to punish me for leaving her mother, but She kept it secret, Henry, for three years.
You know what that means? It means she loved him.
That really hurt.
Nicky, where is Danny Mayler now? He´s dead.
Danny came round the flat the night before last.
I was packing for the flight to Washington.
So I let him in, gave him a drink.
He started balling the odds, throwing my wine everywhere, tried to shove me around a bit, so I whacked him as hard as I could.
I think I broke his nose.
Anyway, I managed to get him out of there but not before he bled all over one of the rugs.
You were arriving next day, so I cleaned up as best I could.
The rug was a real mess.
It had to go.
So I rolled it up, took it down to the basement.
Danny Mayler was waiting for me down there.
He had a knife.
It got a little bit hairy.
HENRY: What happened? He lost.
I managed to get him into one of the bins down there.
Then the old bat who lives on my floor pops up, starts giving me a lecture about using the wrong bins.
Then Sarah turns up, looking for Danny.
I hid.
She went up in the lift with the old bat.
Sarah´s got a key to the flat.
I´d no idea how long she´d be, and anyway, my hand needed seeing to, so I left.
Next day, I contacted Ken Purley.
Ken owes me a favor or two.
He went back to the flat.
I needed my passport, you see.
Unfortunately, it wasn´t where I thought it was.
Then you two turned up.
HENRY: Did Ken move the body? NICK: No, there wasn´t time.
He´s doing it now.
I thought you two would be out on the town.
HENRY: My God.
Margaret´s there.
Evening, Mrs.
Crabbe.
[TAPPING.]
Let me out of here at once.
Sorry, Mrs.
C.
, we don´t want you being seen, do we? Hold on.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
[GASPING.]
Are you all right? Where are we going anyway? Well, first, we´re going to pick Nick up, then we´re going out to the Lea Valley where a pal of mine runs the incineration plant.
They´ll take a nice long tea break while we cremate Danny Mayler.
You can´t do that.
Danny Mayler is the scum of the earth.
Nick did us all a favor.
MARGARET: I don´t agree and neither will my husband.
PURLEY: Your husband´ll be staunch.
Him and Nick go way back.
[CELLPHONE RINGS.]
[BEEP.]
Yeah? Oh, speak of the devil.
Yeah, yeah, she´s here.
Yeah, hold on, hold on.
It´s for you.
It´s your old man.
Got it? Hello? How am I? Marvelous.
I´m in the back of a van with a dead body.
Things couldn´t be better.
This job of mine, Henry.
I make people fill out questionnaires.
I make them tell me their dreams.
I even hook them up to lie detectors.
Then I write a psychological profile.
You know something? It´s a complete waste of time.
Somebody walks in a room, give me two minutes.
I´ll tell you whether they´re any good or not.
But that won´t do.
The company want me to be scientific.
So, what are you going to do about all this, Henry? What are you going to do about it? [VEHICLE APPROACHES.]
They´re here.
Mrs.
Crabbe, come in.
Danny Mayler´s body is in the back of that van.
They´re going to destroy it in some kind of incinerator.
Yes, I know, Margaret.
You´re not going to let them do it, are you? Henry? Nick, I think we ought to go.
Margaret, Danny Mayler will vanish without a trace.
No one´s going to miss him.
What about Sarah? Sarah´ll survive.
I´ll see to that.
Hey, look, no one´s going to be looking at Nick for this.
We´re all friends here.
I´ll clean up the loose ends, end of story.
I don´t see what the problem is.
Oh, there is just one thing, Nick.
I did look, but I couldn´t find your passport.
Ah.
PURLEY: I knew you´d be staunch, Crabbe.
Henry, you´re not going to let him do this? Well, Henry? You´re a big boy now, Nick.
You decide.
You always were a bloody nuisance, Henry.
PURLEY: Nick, what are you doing? You go home, Ken.
Get out.
We´ll leave you out of this.
I don´t understand.
I know you don´t, Ken.
I know you don´t.
SALLY: There you go, Kev.
Not a bad evening.
Ta.
SALLY: Oh, cheer up.
There´s nothing to cheer up for.
What if I was to take you for a drink at the Purple Ploughman? That was a good service.
34 covers.
I did all right, did I? You did more than all right.
You´ve got talent.
Really? Yeah.
What? You´re all sweaty.
It´s hot in here.
I like it.
It smells nice.
Sweat and garlic.
It´s dead sexy.
You´ve got flour all over your face.
How do I look? You look great.
Oh, yeah.
I was going to ask you something.
CAROL: Ask me what? I was going to ask you if you´d like to I´m off now.
Bye.
KEVIN: Well, aren´t you going to come with me, then? What for? ´Cause if you don´t, I´m off for good.
CAROL: Yeah, I´ve heard that before.
You´d better come with me, Carol.
She doesn´t want to go with you, Kevin.
Do you? This time, I mean it.
Okay? [SIGHS.]
I´m gonna kill him.
See you, Gary.
It was great working with you.
What´s up? What happened? I got the knock-back.
Oh, me too.
Thank you.
Oh, lovely.
What would you have done if Nick had picked up that passport and walked out with Ken Purley? God knows.
I was hoping that he wouldn´t, and I´m really glad that he didn´t.
It was a close-run thing, though.
What a night.
Now it´s back to our little flat above the restaurant.
Oh, I can´t wait.
I´ve had enough excitement to last me a lifetime.
If Nick thought that he would end up in trouble and Fisher would end up in charge, how did he think you´d end up? He said I´d end up happy.
SALLY: Here they are.
- Hi! - Hello.
- Are you all right? - Yeah, fine, thanks.
So, how did it all go, then? GARY: Great.
Fantastic.
Over 90 covers.
- Well done! - Really? So, what were the people from the agency like? Oh, you know great, fine.
What about you? Did you have a good time? Great.
Marvelous.
SALLY: And how was the show? Well, we didn´t actually make the show.
What about that restaurant? Well, we didn´t actually make that either.
We just Rested.