The Neighborhood (2018) s05e07 Episode Script

Ooh, come on, babe, it's about to start.
All right, here I come.
I have my favorite sushi,
watching my favorite movie
with my favorite girl.
Oh, God is good.
Why y'all got it all dark in here?
But the devil is busy.
Ooh-ooh, sushi! Don't mind if I do.
I do mind if you do.
And why do you smell like Necie?
Did you use my strawberry
mango body wash?
Indeed I did.
And my skin is all nice and silky.
By the way, we almost out.
What the hell is that?
Malcolm!
Why is this front door locked?
Open the door, it's your parents.
Oh!
- Pillows.
- Huh?
- My mama's pillows!
- Oh, shoot.
Uh, coming.
Open the door, this basket is heavy.
Uh, okay.
Are we good?
We are good.
Hey, hey, hey, Mama, Daddy.
Hey. Sorry to bother y'all,
but your father hasn't
fixed our dryer yet.
What's the rush,
when we can come over here
- and use our spare one?
- Oh.
Oh
I see y'all are loving
the pillows I got you.
- Loving 'em!
- Loving 'em!
I'll put those in the dryer for you.
Right now we're about to watch
our movie and eat our sushi.
Ah, that's a great idea.
Yeah, that is, but
that's not enough food for all of us.
Uh, yes, because it's for two.
Well, no worries. You know what?
I'll go whip something up.
You know, times like these
is why it's good
to have family that live so close.
Hey, Mama.
Thought I heard your voice.
What's going on?
I'm about to make tacos.
We're having movie night.
Ooh, I am down for a movie night.
Yeah
Come on, man!
I thought this was gonna be
couples only.
Talk about not reading the room.
Guys, look at this.
Dave, why do you always get
so excited about the mail?
It's nothing but bills and junk.
Oh, really?
Well, don't come crawling to me
when you need a walk-in bathtub.
Wait a minute.
What's this from PaddiWak?
What is PaddiWak?
Well, it's like TikTok,
but from Korea instead of China.
They sent Grover a check
for $130.
Cool! Can someone give me
a ride to the bank,
and also explain how
cashing checks works?
Okay, give me that.
Why is Korea sending you money?
Remember when I said
I wanted those VR goggles?
You said I have to save up
my own money for them?
Vaguely.
Well, I started posting videos,
and I'm up to 12,000 followers.
Money, money, money.
Who said you could get a PaddiWak?
I did.
Can I speak with you
over here for a minute?
What's up?
- What's up?
- Mm-hmm.
Our son is making money
on the Internet, Dave.
All the kids are on the app.
And we did tell him to
start saving his own money.
You know who else
makes money on the Internet?
Fake Nigerian princes,
and women who get paid
to take photos of their feet.
Okay.
Gemma, I think you may be
spinning a little bit.
I need you to back me up on this.
I've never been to a bank,
but I bet it's closing soon.
Dave, the Internet is not
a safe place for kids.
I do not want our son to be on PaddiWak.
Okay. All right.
Hey, buddy, listen up. Uh
No more PaddiWak.
What?! Why?
Because
because I said so.
Wow, you really have been
hanging with Mr. Calvin a lot.
You better watch your mouth, buddy.
I brought you into this world,
and I will take you
Oh, my What am I even saying?
Calvin, I don't know what happened.
I just heard myself blurting
out, "Because I said so."
Well, all right.
That's what I'm talking about, Dave.
You see, Tina,
I am a good influence on him.
Hey, y'all.
- Hey, baby.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Why do you smell like tropical fruit?
It, uh, turns out Necie and I
happen to share the same body wash.
Uh, can we get back to my emergency?
I don't want my little boy
making money on PaddiWak.
There are a lot of creeps out there.
I know, but we told him
he could have those goggles
if he made his own money.
Okay, but a kid's first job
should involve more
than him using his index finger.
A job should get him dirty.
He should come home so funky
you don't want him anymore.
You guys have got to
catch up with the times.
Everybody is making money
on social media now.
As a matter of fact, I follow Grover.
- He's pretty funny. Look.
- Oh, let me see.
Dads be like, "Clean up your room.
Take out the trash.
I'm not gonna tell you again."
Um, spoiler alert,
you are gonna tell me again.
Moms be like,
"Eat your vegetables, baby.
Do your homework. How was school?"
Um, you're the principal at my school.
You know how school was.
Oh, that is funny. He's right.
You were there, woman.
Oh, Malcolm, send me that.
I want to follow him. He's funny.
And the boy got a check for that?
Oh, you'd be shocked at what
people get paid for on social media.
Yeah, look, I'm fine with him
making his own money,
but he should have a real job, you know.
One that teaches him
the value of hard work.
But he's so young.
Well, he's not that young. He's 12.
I was an industrial welder
when I was ten.
No mask, no gloves, nothing.
Yeah, my pops put me to work
at the Pit Stop when I was 11.
Well, at least you learned
the value of hard work.
I wish I'd learned
about child labor laws.
Well, baby, why don't you
give Grover a job?
Ooh, uh
Calvin, you would be doing us
a huge favor.
Better being paid under your supervision
than on the Internet.
Does he have any work experience at all?
Not in the traditional sense,
but he did recently learn
how to put a fitted sheet on his bed.
Okay, fine.
But only for an hour
or two after school.
Aw, thank you, Calvin.
Uh, Dave be like, "Let's hug it out."
And Calvin be like, "Nah, bruh."
Oh, come on!
You cannot fly a car into a helicopter.
I don't care how fast
or furious you are.
Okay.
Babe, I ran five miles today.
Would you give me a foot rub, please?
Of course, baby.
Give me those pretty feet.
All right.
Ooh, thank God. That feels so good.
Oh, you like that, baby?
. Yes.
- Oh, yeah?
Ooh Right there.
- Yeah? Right there?
- Right there. Ooh!
Right there.
Baby, please don't stop.
Hey, hey.
I used my own key, that way
I didn't have to disturb y'all.
Ah.
How thoughtful.
Uh, Marty, can you
take a look at this computer?
This thing's been going crazy on me.
Dad, computers don't go crazy.
They're not people.
They don't have emotions.
Well, this one does.
I was gonna take it to the Geek Squad,
and then I remembered I made my own.
Oh, hey, Necie. How you doing?
Grover.
Grover, give me that. It's not a toy.
All right? And you still haven't
swept up like I asked you to.
All right. Yes, Mr. Calvin.
Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop.
- Was I doing it wrong?
- Oh, very.
Look, this is not about
just pushing the dust around.
All right? You want to
get it into a pile,
and then sweep it into the dust pan.
All right? Now, here, you try.
Sure thing, Mr. Calvin.
I mean, you could have
gone after some new dirt.
Oh okay, here. Watch me.
All right, it's all in the wrist.
See the wrist?
Look at that. Look at that.
You get your wrist going,
get your action, move it around.
Like that. Get that
Okay, put that phone away
and learn something here.
Oh, Manny!
My back. Ah. My whole damn back.
Who spilled oil over here?
I did. It's slippery.
It's oil.
- Ah, you okay, Manny?
- I don't know.
Look, you're gonna be fine, all right?
Why don't you go to the break room,
take it easy for a little bit.
- Hey, put-put some butter on it.
- Butter?
Yeah, and take some Robitussin.
Okay, Grover, you know what?
Why-why don't you just
take a break, too?
Uh, is there anything else I can do?
Yeah. Go to my office,
put your hands in your pockets.
I can't afford to lose
any more employees.
- Oh, there they are.
- Oh!
The working men home from work.
So, Grover, how'd it go?
I learned how to sweep today.
Ehh
"learn" would be a strong word.
- Thanks for the lift, boss man.
- Sure.
It seems like he had
a successful first day.
Yeah, you know, Calvin,
I-I just knew that Grover
would be a great help to you.
Again, "help" would be a strong word.
Hey, wait.
Mr. Calvin, where's my money?
It's not payday yet, little man.
So go on home now.
So, how did Grover do?
Well, I said I'd teach him some things,
and I'm trying, babe,
but every task for him
ends up being more work for me.
I think I'm gonna have to let him go.
You can't fire Grover
from his very first job.
Come on, that would just be wrong.
Tina, he spilled oil all over the floor.
Manuel slipped in it,
and I think he's gonna sue us.
Oh, Grover's ass gotta go.
Calvin, Grover is loving it here.
Is he employee of the month yet?
No, he is not, Dave.
Today I asked him
to clean out my mini fridge,
and the boy drank three sodas.
Uh, yes, can I help you?
Are you Calvin Butler?
Are you with Child Protective Services?
No, my "check engine" light came on.
And I saw your shop on PaddiWak.
My shop? I don't think so.
Come on.
This is you, right?
Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah,
I mean, that might be me.
Yeah, sure.
So you're saying your
"check engine" light came on?
Yeah, why don't you have a seat
and I'll be right with you.
Come on, man.
So he's back on PaddiWak?
Yes, clearly. Calvin, you are
supposed to be supervising him.
This is my fault?
You never taught the boy how to sweep.
All right, where is he?
Grover!
Hey, Manny, you okay?
My head, man. My whole damn head.
Grover, what are you doing?
I was doing the wrench challenge,
and you distracted me.
Calvin, I am so sorry.
Look, Manuel, I'm sorry about this, man.
Why don't you just go in the break room,
take it easy a little bit.
Turn the lights down,
and put some butter on it.
- But it doesn't work.
- Eh, eh
Calvin, Grover is gonna
make this up to you.
No, he is not.
Grover, you're fired.
Fired!
Oh, my God!
Whew! Y'all scared me.
Can you make a little noise
when you come in?
To our own house?
Anyway, I was at the farmers market,
and guess what they had?
Decorative gourds.
Oh. Thank you.
Yeah, we do love gourds.
Yeah. I mean, like, who doesn't?
All right, I'll see you later.
I'm sure we will.
Marty, what are we gonna do?
Same thing we did
with the decorative pillows.
Put 'em in the closet.
Fired?!
See, this is why I said
he was too young for a job.
I was wrong, you were right.
He wasn't ready.
I'm sorry, I'm just not good
at real work.
I need a kombucha.
- Sorry, Mom.
- You should be.
I'm very disappointed in you.
And you need to apologize to Mr. Calvin.
Yeah.
And don't turn this into one of those
"Moms be like, I'm very
disappointed" videos.
I won't.
But that would be a really good one.
Calvin, I'm so sorry about today.
Me, too. Is Manuel okay?
Yeah, yeah, he'll be fine.
Uh, he's getting
his sense of smell back,
and he remembered his name. So
All right, the booch
cleared my mind. Hey, Calvin.
Grover, we've come up with a solution.
We're gonna take away your phone.
No phone, no videos. Solved.
Well, well, let's not be too hasty.
You know, I-I got great news.
Remember the guy that came in
when I fired Grover today?
Well, his kid saw my shop
on Grover's PaddiWak.
Yeah, and we want to apologize for that.
Apologize? No, no.
An hour later, two more
of Grover's followers came in,
and one of 'em needs a new transmission.
That's a $5,000 job.
Listen, Grover,
when I yelled the words "fired,"
at you earlier,
what I meant was "promoted."
You are now my new
social media director.
Same pay, except for you get
a key to the vending machine.
Calvin, I-I'm sorry,
but that's not happening.
Why?
Because I said so.
Aw, come on, man, that sucks.
It's not fair to use
my own words against me.
Look, Calvin, I'm glad
it brought you some business,
but Grover disobeyed us.
I'm sorry, Dad, I really am,
but you guys don't understand
what PaddiWak means.
It's important to me.
I know, everybody does it.
It's not that, it's just
I'm in middle school now.
It's different. It's kind of hard
to figure out where you fit in.
Aw, Grover.
And I'm actually good at making videos.
People think I'm funny now.
They like me.
It's not so easy for me
to make friends, Dad.
I'm not cool, like you.
You're making it real hard for me
to be mad at you right now, buddy.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Probably. All right, look.
Grover, you can go back on PaddiWak.
- Sweet!
- Yes!
But But
with conditions.
I'm gonna want your password.
Sure. Yeah. That's fine. That's good.
And, and we have to approve
all of your videos. Deal?
Deal. Yeah, of course.
Yeah, we're good with that.
- Hey, Malcolm.
- Hey, what's up, Necie?
Oh, hey, babe.
- Hey.
- Oh.
Excuse me.
Okay. All-all right, baby.
I-I'll be in there in a bit.
Yeah, I'll Baby!
Uh, what was that?
Necie's not happy with
our living situation.
I mean, it's hard enough sharing
a bathroom with me and you,
but Mom and Dad have
absolutely no boundaries.
That's a fact.
Now with them drying their laundry here,
everything's getting mixed up.
The other day, Necie was this close
from putting on Mom's thong.
Hey, hey, Marty.
I don't need to know that.
Yeah, I know. I know.
Yo, man, don't ever say "Mama"
and "thong" in the same sentence.
You heard it. I almost saw it.
Oh!
Look, man, you have got
to figure out something.
Okay? Necie's about to be your wife.
Look, I know. We gotta
get our own place.
But I don't know how to break it to Mom.
You just got to man up, little bro.
You cannot be afraid of her.
If it was me, I would tell Mama two
- Tell me what, Malcolm?
- Whoa! Why?
Uh, I-I got nothing to say to you, Mama,
but, uh, Marty does.
Come on.
Hey, hey, good news.
I found you a matching throw.
Yay. Animal prints.
Yes, it goes with the pillows
you love so
Where are my pillows?
They in the closet.
Nobody can see 'em in there.
Exactly.
Uh, Mama, we need to talk.
Oh. Hey, Miss Tina.
Hey, Necie.
Come here, babe.
Mama, I think it's time
No, I know it's time
Necie and I got our own place.
Oh.
All right. I get it.
You do?
Of course I do. As a matter of fact,
just today I saw the cutest
little craftsman house for sale
right around the corner.
- She doesn't get it.
- Yeah no.
- Okay, Mama
- What?
What?
You know, it might not be
right around the corner.
We might need a little more
space than that.
You know?
Me and Necie are building our life
together, just like you and Dad did.
I mean, you've got to understand that.
I guess.
Come on, Mama, don't you
want us to be happy?
You know I do.
And maybe we are a teensy bit intrusive.
Well I don't know
You two are terrible liars.
But if you move far, I'm telling you,
you better save up your gas money
because you're coming home
on Sundays for family dinner.
Mama, I wouldn't miss it.
Listen, I'm always gonna
be your little boy.
But right now I gotta be
Necie's grown man.
- Mm.
- Yeah.
- I like that.
- Yeah, you like that?
- Yes, I do.
- God!
Would you two get a room?
We are in our house!