Z Nation (2014) s05e07 Episode Script

1 Previously on Z Nation [SPLORCH.]
Don't move! Addy.
- [GROWLING.]
- [YELLING.]
A great idea is worth more than you think.
We got to find more bizkits before every Talker turns in Newmerica.
Promise me you will not hand him over to Altura.
I promise.
We're searching for one Lieutenant Dante.
Up here! I'll let you take me.
I need to go after him.
I need to be there at his trial.
So what do you know about this bakery? Supposedly it's where they bake the bizkits.
So why the big mystery around these bizkits anyway? Nobody likes to talk about the fact that they contain human brain matter.
Well where are they getting the brains from then? No one knows.
It's time we find out.
Brain bizkits? How was this not your idea, Murphy? Laugh it up, stump boy.
One of these days, this Apocalypse is gonna make me a rich man.
You head back in now, okay? Hey.
Try not to eat each other before I get back, all right? The bizkit bakery is on the edge of the No-Go Zone.
Not the type of place that welcomes visitors.
Let me point out a few obvious red flags.
Backwood yocals, secret brain bakery, and I'm sure I hear banjo music in our near future.
Need I go on? You guys follow Dante to Altura.
I'm sure you'll make sure he has a fair trial.
We'll get the bizkits, get back to Limbo, - and we'll join you.
- We're on it, chief.
All right.
Well I assembled the best of the Limbo fleet.
- There you go.
- Sweet.
My bad.
Does this run? I'm a god, not a mechanic.
Well it's no El Camino, but beggars can't be choosers.
El Camino.
Wow, they don't make them like they used to.
They don't make anything.
At all.
True that.
Let's find that bakery.
Can you step on it, Doc? I don't like not having eyes on Dante.
[SMACK.]
Really? I'm gunning it.
You know you shouldn't put your feet up like that.
If there was an accident, the airbags could go off and you could drive your knees up into your brain.
It's the Apocalypse.
I think airbags are the least of our worries.
It's one of those fears you have growing up, I guess.
Your generation's greatest fear was airbags? My generation only had zombies.
I'm just saying 30 something year old airbags are not typically the most reliable.
Not that anything's gonna happen.
Shit! [GROWLING.]
[SPLAT.]
And you were saying? [POP.]
[ELECTRIC GUITAR THEME MUSIC PLAYS.]
Have mercy [FIVE GUNSHOTS.]
Oh, have mercy.
Nope, still don't make them like they used to.
I think I sprained my ankle.
Better than a knee through the brain.
No, it's not.
Let me see what I got in my bag for pain.
[GROANING.]
I don't like to prescribe the hard stuff when this stuff will do you just fine.
[POP.]
[GROANING.]
I've never smoked before.
Good, it's a terrible habit.
Stunts your growth.
- [WHISPERING.]
What? - Oh, I was thinking nicotine.
No, fire that puppy up.
Can you move it at all? [GROANING.]
No.
Oh, God.
Well look, tough it out or take a hit.
But don't just let it burn out.
Here, let me have a look at it.
[CRYING.]
Okay, the weed, the weed.
Here, here.
I don't think you broke it, but you damn sure sprained it.
[COUGHING.]
Now my foot hurts and I have a cough.
Give it a minute.
- [MUFFLED GROWLING.]
- Uh oh.
You hang tough.
I'm gonna take care of some tourists.
[GROWLING.]
Poncho Zs? [COUGHING.]
[MUFFLED GROWLING.]
Cars used to have ashtrays? [LAUGHING.]
[GROWLING.]
Look out, George! Where you going? [GROWLING.]
Uh, okay, okay.
- [YELLING.]
- [GROWLING.]
A little help here! [GROWLING.]
[GROWLING.]
Okay, I got you.
[GROWLING.]
[GUNSHOT.]
Mercy.
Oh, God.
Well I guess that spleef is working.
Can't feel my foot.
I don't feel anything.
We better get going.
I want to get to Altura before nightfall.
Ruh-oh.
Ew.
You better have a seat and get off that foot.
This could take a while.
Is that the bakery? It looks abandoned.
Doesn't mean nobody's home.
What is it? This must be the place.
I smell brains.
Murphy? Get your ass away from them skulls.
- Hey.
- Focus.
[SMACK.]
Looks like they left in a hurry.
Guess this clears up any mystery of what the secret ingredient might be.
Doesn't look like it's been operational for a while.
[MECHANICAL HUMMING.]
Are we done? I dunno.
I can't figure this shit out.
You catching up on your social studies? You know it's crazy, when I was in school I kept thinking, when am I ever gonna use this stuff in real life? Now's your chance.
I love history.
Especially when I'm buzzed.
My old man was a big history buff.
Had a huge collection of books.
But my favorite was this painting of the Constitutional Convention.
Yeah, the gang was all there.
Ben Franklin chillin' in the middle.
George Washington presiding over it all, with Thomas Jefferson looking all badass.
You know, the founding fathers had huge pot farms.
Seriously.
They were like man, cannabis rules.
You know, these hemp fibers are pretty much good for anything.
Rope, banners, printing the Bible, making the US flag, the paper of the Constitution.
Yeah, I know, George.
I'm from the 1700's too.
I got this strand from France.
It's good for gout and migraines and expanding your mind, oh and tooth aches.
Tooth aches, you say? Who's getting icky with the sticky? [COUGHING.]
I cultivated it, but I did not inhale.
It smells French.
South of Marseille.
May I? Ah Sorry, we ran out of matches.
Ah, then we must invent one.
[COUGHING.]
Woo! Felt that one down in my toes.
I'm surprised those guys got anything done, not to mention started a country.
How are we doing? We're approved for liftoff.
[MECHANICAL HUMMING.]
Somebody turned that oven on.
And I'm guessing it wasn't Betty Crocker.
Good guess.
We're definitely not here alone.
[MECHANICAL HUMMING INCREASES.]
[RATTLING.]
It's clear.
Hey, you okay? I'm fine.
Okay.
Just checking.
Lefty.
Come on, Cyclops.
Oh, no, after you, Captain Hookless.
Look, I don't want to pry.
But dammit, I dunno.
I don't know why things have to be so hard.
In between Mack and Lucy, my eye is the least of what I've lost.
I can still feel my hand in my dreams.
I carry heavy gear and lace my shoes, hold her hands.
Shoot my gun.
It's like having a friend that was there but isn't anymore.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Hey, buddy? You okay? Yeah, just all these brains laying around give me the munchies.
Gonna need to stay hungry.
[AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE.]
[MUFFLED GUNFIRE.]
[AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Intruders! Don't worry, brother! I'm coming for you! [GUNSHOT.]
[CRYING.]
Brother! [CRYING.]
[GUNSHOTS.]
[AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE.]
Psst.
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[GUNSHOT.]
[CRYING.]
[CRYING.]
No.
[CRYING.]
No, ma'am.
[CRYING.]
No, ma'am.
[CRYING.]
Sorry, ma'am.
[CLANK.]
[GROANING.]
[CLANK.]
Sit.
You're quite the handyman, Doc.
Yeah, well just think of me as the Ben Franklin of paraphernalia.
Okay, Mr.
Franklin.
So what's the difference between the Constitution and the Bill of Rights? Well, the way I heard it, everyone was so excited about writing the rules for running the government, they forgot about the people that the government was for.
Let's just sign this sucker.
Get the party started.
I would rather chop my right hand off than sign that! This government that we've created may protect us from foreign enemies.
But, gentlemen Oh, yeah, my bad.
No zombies back then.
Ask yourself, who will protect us from our government? We need a Bill of Rights! We're back to work, everyone.
I just opened the Chateau de Chassilier.
Not my fault, Quaker oats man! In order for this nation to work, individuals need to understand their inalienable rights as citizens and know how their government will protect them.
Okay.
Okay, well do you, smarty-pants, have a list? A few.
Freedom of press, freedom of religion, public release of knowledge of alien life forms and or technology.
Okay, I can see some of these going into the Constitution.
Hey, T.
J.
, you're a rights kinda guy.
Write this up.
But I wrote the Constitution.
We wrote the Constitution.
Uh, no, I physically wrote Hey, James Madison! What's up, puff ball.
Hey, can you just like pick ten and write them up? - Here you go.
Here you go.
- Thanks.
Off to it, puddin' pants.
Great.
Great.
We're making progress.
We're all making lots of great progress.
[DOC'S VOICE.]
Hey, you got some more of that wacky-tobacky? So what makes the Bill of Rights so important? Well it's your God-given rights based simply on your humanity.
Unfortunately, the definition of humanity changed with the definition of mortality.
Well, that's one way of thinking about it.
But you know, humanity's also like compassion and brotherly love.
Like, take that dude for example.
Now, what makes us different from him when it comes to basic decency? Does he deserve to be treated any different than you or I? - [GROWLING.]
- No.
He has the same right to live his life without worrying about the government coming and taking his stuff, locking him up, and censoring his words.
[GROWLING.]
That's a zombie.
Yeah.
That's that's a bad example.
But you know what I'm getting at.
[GROWLING.]
[THWAP.]
[CLANK.]
It's knowing that you have the power, not the government.
And it's the government's job to protect your rights, not infringe on 'em.
People are so afraid, they'll do anything the government says.
Like locking up the Talkers.
Yeah, well that's when you need a Bill of Rights, when people are afraid and they don't know what's right.
But what's gonna protect Dante without a Bill of Rights? We are.
[GUNFIRE.]
[CLICK, CLICK.]
I'm gonna give yous the same choice I gave the last goons that came through here and tried to shut us down.
Chocolate or vanilla? Mercy or Talker.
[CLICK.]
I could ask you the same question.
I don't want to hurt you.
But I will.
Looks like we've got ourselves a zombie standoff.
Yous got me, I got him, and me brudder's got you both.
We're looking for bizkits.
We have starving Talkers that are starting to turn.
Look, we're just trying to survive ourselves.
It's crooks like you that shut down the bakery and turned us into a bunch of dirty dogs.
Lower your weapons and kindly waltz out of here or we're all going to be craving brains.
Look, I don't know who you think we are.
But we are not them.
That's what the last bunch said before they started shooting.
Is that the other brudder that's got us covered? Hey, buddy.
Dat you, brudder? Hey, buddy.
This crazy woman here done bust me right in the honker.
Your brudder's still human.
Let's keep it that way.
So, you's are in need of some help, are you? Ay, by' watch out for the one-eyed one.
She's not nice.
Not at all.
She's mean like a badger.
I thought you people spoke English in Canada.
We do's.
You do's? Besides, ain't no Canada.
Not no more anywho.
Yeah, no 'Merica neither it seems.
Pardon our manners.
I'm Gilly.
That there's my brudder, Skull.
Skully for short.
But that's longer.
Okay, so look, we heard rumors that you guys bake bizkits here.
Dat's no rumor.
Dat's the truth.
Well no offense, but you look more like butchers than bakers.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
We need bizkits.
Lots of them.
Well for dat, you're gonna have to talk to me mum.
She's in charge of the baking.
Where might she be? Mum? Mum's up dare in the office.
Okay.
Can we talk to her? Well let's just go take a little looky-loo, shall we? See what kind of mood she's in.
It's not as easy as all that, now is it brudder? No brudder, it isn't.
After the Black Rains, we was on our way to Newmerica, and we got turned arse over tea kettle by a pack of Zs.
Our brudder Brenton got all riled up and he mercied a bunch of them, but those Zs took a right bite outta him.
Yeah, he was a goner for sure.
Yeah, I mean they really filled their boots with his belly, but he never turned.
Aye, he started acting a bit rummy and dead-like, but he was still talking.
So we figured he isn't dead, he's just sickish.
Yeah, see it wasn't till mum caught him sneaking brains that we realized he's one of these Talker guys.
Yeah, mum got real tired of him sneaking off to get brains.
So she baked up some roadkill brains into a bizkit for him.
And the more he ate, the more he was like the brudder we knew.
See, the bizkits kept him Canadian.
Pretty soon, everybody wanted mum's bizkits.
So we set up the bakery.
Okay, so what happened? Why'd y'all stop? Well, everything was poutine and pie until somebody blew up the vote.
And we've been under attack from Zs from out of nowhere ever since.
Sounds like someone didn't want you making bizkits.
Yeah.
We thought yous was them come back to finish us off.
So if your mom has this secret recipe, why can't we just make more bizkits? Well you'll have to talk to mum about that.
But she ain't been herself since our little brudder bit her.
You might say she's a bit cranky herself without her bizkits.
We had to lock mum up in the office for her own good.
Since then, the three of us have been trying to work out the recipe but come up short.
Three? Oh, yeah, we had another brudder, Chilly.
He was with us till he tried to take the recipe off mum.
So where's he now? [KNOCKING.]
[MUFFLED GROWLING.]
Let me guess.
He didn't get the recipe? Gilly, look at the big brains on Red over here.
Hey, hey.
Easy.
Easy.
Okay, look.
Mum's got the only copy of the recipe on her.
Okay, she turned about two weeks ago.
Okay, Gilly and I are running out of options here.
How's a fella supposed to be getting on like this, eh? Those deadish bastards turned our mum and brudders.
[MUFFLED GROWLING.]
Nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of the law.
How are we gonna make sure Dante gets due process when there are vigilantes out there that think Talkers are more zombie than human? What do you think? I think humans are more dangerous than Talkers.
Or zombies.
I think the Founding Fathers would agree with you.
Here, grab the wheel.
That's why they created a Bill of Rights to protect us from each other.
Many tankards of ale and more than a few bowls of hemp were consumed as Washington, Jefferson, and Franklin hammered out the first ten amendments to the Constitution, better known as the Bill of Rights.
Amendment number one, the right to bear arms shall not be infringed.
Do we have to start off with guns? I mean I like a musket as much as the next guy, but putting it first makes us seem a little gun crazy.
Yeah, okay, we'll flip the first two.
- Put freedom of speech first.
- All right.
- Good.
- It'll look better.
For the kids.
Speaking of gun crazy, we need some wording in there so nuts like that Sam Adams does not buy a blunderbuss.
Two beers and he's ready to challenge his mother to a duel.
Okay, we'll put in some wording about well regulated militias so they know we don't mean just any fool can buy a gun.
Okay.
All right, let's just go down the list, right? No soldiers in your house.
No illegal search and seizures.
That'll keep the lawyers busy.
All right, you cannot testify against yourself.
Love that.
What happens in Paris stays in Paris, huh, Ben? Right, you know.
Paris, good times.
Paris, that's sick.
Good times.
Okay, we'll just skip past.
Right to speedy trial.
Right to jury.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Number eight.
No cruel or unusual punishment.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Considering the whole damn Apocalypse is cruel and unusual.
Oh, wait, we go down that road and it won't be too long till we're using Franklin's kites to electrocute condemned prisoners.
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah, go ahead.
Laugh.
But one day, electricity will power cities.
[LAUGHING.]
Mark my word.
[LAUGHING.]
And I'm the Easter Bunny.
Okay, Bill of Rights.
Hey! Look who the cat drug in.
It's Alexander Hamilton.
How's the banking business going? Oh, great.
You cats are all on a new bill.
Ones, fives, twenties, and a c-note.
Which one did I make.
Am I on the hundred? Well, that's a surprise.
Meanwhile, you guys get around to abolishing slavery? Oh, we No, we are We are talking about that one.
And we're serious about it.
- And - Well excuse me, gentlemen.
I sure would appreciate it if you maybe bit the bullet and took care of this little problem now instead of just kicking that can on down the road.
Man's got a point.
Well that's a cool hat you got there, stranger.
What's your name? You didn't see me.
I wasn't here.
You didn't see me.
I was never here.
That dude belongs on a bill.
[COUGHING.]
Okay.
I dunno much about history, but I know for damn sure Abe Lincoln never talked to Ben Franklin or George Washington.
You are off by like a hundred years, man.
Well, yeah.
But that's not the point.
The point is they should've dealt with slavery right from the beginning.
It's a stain on America that even a Civil War couldn't make right.
You don't wanna make that same mistake now.
The only hope Dante has for a fair trial is if they consider him to be a human being.
If they make him out to be anything less than that, he doesn't stand a chance.
None of the Talkers do.
You really sneak up on a person, Doc.
I still got a few teeth left in my head.
[MURPHY.]
How's it going there, fabulous baker boys? Dang it.
Jumpin' Jeeziz, you're cheating.
Come on.
Best three outta fiver.
Come on, come on.
- Stop being such a sook, eh! - Come on, man! We all need you to keep your wits here or this is all gonna go south quicker than a - Newfie ski-do hittin' ground.
- Newfie ski-do? That's when you hop on a moose's back when it's crossin' the river, and you ride it till it touches down.
If you're still on it after that point, you better be expecting a good chomp down cuz no moose likes a passenger.
- Come on, man.
No.
- Come on, come on.
No.
Come on, guys.
Come on.
You always pick scissors.
You're dumber than goose poop.
[CRYING.]
Hit it, Sunburn.
[FOLK ROCK MUSIC PLAYS.]
- - [GROWLING.]
I can't do this.
I don't wanna do this.
- Hey, brudder.
- What? - [KISS.]
- Oh.
- I love you.
- I love you too, brudder.
- You're a grizzly bear.
- I'm a grizzly bear.
Shh.
Ma and da boys smell like a yeti's nut sack, eh? Sunburn? Where the heck could you be? Where's this frickin' thing at? [WHISPERING.]
Go, go, go, go.
Where is? Where is? Oh, zombie Jesus.
The recipe.
[GROWLING.]
- - [GROWLING.]
- - [GROWLING.]
[WHISPERING.]
The recipe.
[WHISPERING.]
Stupid, get out of there.
[CRASH.]
[YELLING.]
Oh! He's down! - - [GROWLING.]
There he is! - - [GROWLING.]
Oh, God.
- - [GROWLING.]
[YELLING.]
It's pull, not push, brudder! Okay, you got to stop pushing! You got to stop pushing! [YELLING.]
[YELLING.]
[YELLING.]
Chilly.
Chilly, get off! Come on.
[YELLING.]
Stay the freak away from me, Chilly! Get off me, Chilly! Uh, they got him cornered.
Stay the freak away from me.
[YELLING.]
That's a bad brudder.
Your brother's got your other brother by the mullet! [YELLING.]
No, by the rat tail! Chilly! Chilly, get off your brudder! Get off me, brudder! Get off me! Okay, there's mom.
She's got something in her mouth.
I think she's got the recipe.
It's the recipe! Get off your brudder! [YELLING.]
Your brother's riding your other brother across the room.
Like a horse.
No.
Like No, like a moose.
Definitely a moose.
[MUFFLED SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Please don't! [SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
No! [GROWLING.]
I think the only way to calm them down at this point is to - feed them actual brains.
- [GROWLING.]
Looks like somebody ordered take out.
[GROWLING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[THUMP.]
[SCREAMING.]
[SPLORCH.]
[GROWLING.]
- You down to pike this one? - Got it.
[GROWLING.]
Let's get that number up.
[GROWLING.]
[GUNSHOTS.]
[GUNSHOT.]
[GROWLING.]
[CLANK.]
[GROWLING.]
[CLANK.]
[GROWLING.]
[GROWLING.]
[GUNSHOT.]
Help! [TWO GUNSHOTS.]
[SPLORCH.]
[GROWLING.]
Switch! [GROWLING.]
[GROWLING.]
[GUNSHOT.]
[GROWLING.]
[SLICE.]
Crack this one open.
I'm walking here.
[SIGHING.]
When is everybody gonna see that we're all in this together? Skip ahead to the 15th Amendment.
That's the one we got to protect.
The rights of the citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on the account of race, color Or previous condition of servitude.
Yep, that makes sense.
Ya think? Yeah, well it's gonna take a Civil War and the 13th Amendment passing first.
Let's just move everything along and pass the 13th right now.
What do you guys think? What is it? It abolishes slavery.
Oh.
Like set them free abolish? This may take some further study.
No, no.
No, he's right.
He's right.
Okay, hear me out.
What if we were to take the slaves and we were to make them like two fifths - Make it three fifths.
- Three fifths of a human being.
And then we just kept that going for about 100 years until we worked out the kinks.
I don't even know where to start with you guys.
You got to be kidding me.
Just shoot me.
I hope we don't have to fight a war to make the Talkers full citizens.
We may already be fighting that war.
Everybody dies.
But just because you got no pulse doesn't mean you don't have any rights.
Everybody dies.
- That's it.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Everybody dies.
Sooner or later, - we're all Talkers.
- We're all Talkers.
[CRACKING.]
[SPLAT.]
[SNARLING AND MUNCHING.]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it's working.
Them brains are doing the trick for sure.
[SNARLING AND MUNCHING CONTINUES.]
How you doing, mum? You with us? Oh, my.
Did I do this? Sure as shit, ma.
It was yous.
[LAUGHING.]
Mum, these Americans come looking for help.
Oh, my goodness.
I'm sorry you had to see me looking all dead like this.
And I wish I could've given this place a quick lick and a promise before they showed up.
[WHISPERING.]
That's okay.
What can we do for ya's? We're looking for bizkits.
The supply has been cut off, and we have starving Talkers.
They want to know your secret recipe.
There is no secret.
I was lacing my bizkits with brains for the first little while.
Then we run short of brains.
We started having flour delivered from Heartland.
The secret ingredient is already mixed in.
And the secret sauce is brains? Right? Oh, no, dear.
The secret ingredient is [WHISPERING.]
love.
[LAUGHING.]
I don't get it.
Ah, boys.
Look at you.
[LAUGHING.]
If I can help someone else to keep from going through what we've had to, so be it.
We got enough brains right here to make up a batch of the original recipe.
Let's get shucking.
I like you.
[LAUGHING.]
Welcome back.
What? They didn't get around to giving women the right to vote until the 19th Amendment? And it didn't pass until 1920? Old white dudes.
What can I say? Takes a long time to get these things right.
Well we have to it right.
And we don't have a lot of time.
Uh oh.
I don't like the look of this.
Is that the truck they had Dante in? I hope not.
Shit.
No sign of Dante.
Maybe he escaped like last time? Maybe Talkers did this, let him go? This is what happens to traitors.
[CLICK.]
[RATTLING.]
[RATTLING.]
- - [RATTLING.]
I give you mercy.
[GUNSHOT.]
[CRACK.]
[DING.]
Mmm.
I love the smell of fresh baked brains in the morning.
Well done, Mr.
Murphy.
You better be careful.
We might just keep you on as a full time baker.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh.
Marion.
I had a great teacher.
Move over boys.
Hot coming through.
Hot.
All right, now we need to wrap them up and stick them in here like this.
Psst.
Look, that family is not gonna make it out there on their own.
Why don't you take them with you to Limbo? Yeah, sure.
Limbo could use a bakery.
I like that idea.
I'll take Addy and 10K and go to Heartland and figure out this flour thing and why they stopped the distribution.
Take care of them.
Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it.
Okay, well then be safe.
No, you be safe out there.
I don't want to have to go traipsing around half of Screwmerica again to save your ass.
I don't care how many times you got to traipse around, you might have to save me.
But when you do, pick a color.
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
I mean it, Warren.
The Apocalypse wouldn't be half as fun without you in it.
Be careful.
I love you too, Murphy.
God, keep them safe.
What do you think? Maybe you want to say a few words? Actions speak louder than words.