Bewitched (1964) s05e08 Episode Script

Hello? Good morning, Mrs.
Stephens.
Oh, no, no.
I'm not busy.
Just relaxing.
Well, couldn't you come over a little later? You see, I have to go out, and You're in the neighborhood? At the corner drugstore? Oh, no.
No, you know you're always welcome.
Yes.
Bye-bye.
No.
No, I'll do it myself.
There.
That's better.
Better than what? Good morning, sweetheart.
I'll be the judge of that.
What does that mean? It means if anything goes around here why don't you redecorate the room as an encore? Sweetheart, that was me running around putting everything away, and Boy, am I pooped.
You should be.
It was like watching a silent movie.
It was just a little speed-up spell.
I wouldn't have done that if I hadn't been pushed to the wall.
- Who pushed you to the wall? - Your mother.
What has my mother got to do with your ring-a-ding-ding? Well, sweetheart, I had the living room all torn up.
I was cleaning.
She called and said she was coming.
- So? - Well, I didn't want her to see the house looking a mess.
You know, with your mother, it's not a visit, it's an inspection.
That's not true.
If you want, I can put the mess back.
No, no.
L I guess you had good intentions.
It's just that witchcraft doesn't set too well on an empty stomach.
How about some waffles and strawberries? - Great.
- Good.
I'll fix one for your mother too.
Shouldn't you wait until she gets here? She'll be here any minute.
She was calling from the corner drugstore.
Holy cow.
I didn't know it was this late.
I gotta run.
I'll grab a cup of coffee and a doughnut at the office.
Darrin, don't you wanna say hello to your mother? Not when I need a shine on my shoes and it's been two weeks since I've had a haircut.
- Hello, Mrs.
Stephens.
- Samantha.
It's so nice to see you.
Thank you, dear.
And here's a little doll for that little doll.
Oh, thank you.
I'm sure she'll love it.
Tabitha's out back playing.
Would you like a cup of coffee? Well, I've only got a minute, but I might have a cup of tea.
We've certainly been having a lot of dust lately, haven't we? It must be all those soft landings on the moon.
My, Samantha, this kitchen is immaculate.
Looks like you've really been busy with your broom.
You might say that.
Would you like a cookie or something? No.
No, thank you, dear.
Actually, I'm on my way to a bon voyage luncheon for Miriam Rogers.
She's leaving for Paris.
- How exciting.
- I should say.
- She won the trip in a contest.
- Really? If Miriam Rogers can think of a slogan, you certainly can.
Mrs.
Stephens, are you trying to tell me something? Why, Samantha, all I'm trying to tell you is that you and Darrin should get out of the house.
- You never go anywhere.
- We don't want to go anywhere.
How about a two-week all-expense-paid trip to Tahiti? - Tahiti? - Here's an entry blank.
All you have to do is come up with a slogan for Tinker Bell Disposable Diapers.
Mrs.
Stephens, l I'm not very much on slogans.
Give it a try.
Think, dear.
Well, okay.
What do you say about diapers, except that you keep changing them? Well, how does this sound? Switch to Tinker Bell Diapers.
It's time for a change.
"Switch to Tinker Bell Diapers.
It's time for a change.
" Oh, Samantha, that's absolutely divine.
You'll adore Tahiti.
Start packing.
Do you really think they'll Be sure and take suntan lotion for Darrin.
Like all geniuses, he has tender skin.
Poor baby.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my goodness.
Sam, do you remember where I put that portfolio with the layouts for Barton Industries? Yes, I think they're down here in the hall closet.
- Thanks, honey.
- Darrin Darrin, you wanna hear something exciting? Sure, honey.
Well, you know, about a month ago your mother mentioned a slogan contest.
It's not here.
Well, anyway, I just kind of I kind of just wrote this slogan, you know, as kind of a laugh.
Where could it be? As I was saying Honey, I told you, never straighten my desk.
At least when it's messy, I know where everything is.
Honey, your mother sent in my slogan and you'll never believe what happened.
L I won us a trip to Tahiti.
- Great! - Really? I didn't think you'd This will give us another crack at the Barton account.
- Did you hear what I just said? - Sure.
Swell.
I'll see you later.
I gotta go, honey.
Pack your own suntan lotion.
Hi, Larry.
I found the layout I drew up for Barton Industries.
- It's better than I thought it was.
- Really? Of all the products I think the most inventive ad campaign that I have is for Tinker Bell Disposable Diapers.
Very clever, Darrin.
Thanks, Larry.
I wouldn't be a bit surprised if we got all of Barton's accounts just on the basis of this.
That may be a little difficult.
They ran a contest and came up with a rather catchy slogan.
Well, I hardly think that an amateur can compete with this material.
Well, Barton seems to like it.
Some little housewife sent it in.
- That's crazy.
- Yes.
And what's even crazier is her name: Samantha Stephens.
- Sound familiar? - It must be a coincidence.
There's an even bigger coincidence.
We checked, and she lives at your address.
I can't believe that.
Sam wouldn't enter a contest.
She wouldn't, but she did.
The prize is two round-trip tickets to Tahiti.
And if I were you, Darrin, I would cash in the return half and invest in beachfront property.
Hi, sweetheart.
What are you doing home so early? Larry thought I could use some time off.
Well, that's a coincidence, because I have some news Not just today.
It's kind of permanent.
- You mean you're fired? - Right.
But why? We seem to be having a little problem with the Barton Industries account.
- That's no reason.
- It is when my wife writes the winning slogan for one of their products.
What do Tinker Bell Diapers have to do with Barton Industries? - Plenty.
- Well, how was I supposed to know that a company that makes computers and rockets and supersonic jets would make diapers? Haven't you ever heard of diversification? Yeah, but that's dumb.
Sam, if you wanted a trip to Tahiti, why didn't you say so? If we wanna go to Tahiti, we can pay our own way.
Who wants to go to Tahiti anyhow.
That's exactly what I told your mother.
What's my mother got to do with this? She's the one that told me about the contest and insisted that I enter.
And you twitched your nose and came up with a slogan? - No.
- No? No! And out of the thousands of entries you just happened to come up with the winning slogan.
If that isn't witchcraft, what do you call it? I'd call it imagination.
I do have some, you know.
You really expect me to believe that, don't you? - Are you calling me a liar? - Lf the shoe fits.
Samantha, I demand that you open this door.
Big deal.
- Hello, Darrin.
- Come to give me my severance pay? No.
I came to apologize.
May I come in? Why, sure, Larry.
Now, look, Darrin, you should know by now that I say a lot of things I don't mean.
- Really, Larry? - Of course.
Everybody knows that I'm a volatile excitable, impetuous, rash, impulsive Blowhard? That wasn't exactly the word I was looking for.
How about hysterical nut? I'll stick with blowhard.
- You said you wanted to apologize.
- Yes.
I'm sorry for the way I behaved, and your job is waiting for you.
Larry, why the sudden switch? What do you mean, "Why the sudden switch?" It takes a big man to know when he's wrong and it just so happens I'm a big man.
- Well - Darrin, please don't make me beg.
It's taken a lot out of me just to apologize.
All right, Larry.
I accept your apology.
- Glad to have you back.
- Thanks, Larry.
Where's Sam? Oh, Sam.
She's upstairs.
Why? I just heard through my underground that Barton Industries is coming out with a new paint product.
Don't you see? They'll need a slogan and we'll be in on the ground floor.
We can deliver the winner of the Tinker Bell Diaper contest.
Larry, I ought to bust you in your bazoo.
Now, Darrin.
- Hi, Larry.
- Oh, hi, Sam.
I just dropped by to welcome Darrin back into the firm and offer you a job.
- Me? - Right.
To head up our slogan department.
Well, I'm flattered that you have so much confidence in me, Larry.
What's good enough for Tinker Bell Disposable Diapers is good enough for me.
It's a very flattering offer, but I'm not interested.
Don't worry about me.
You can whip up all the slogans you want.
I am no longer with the organization.
- You're not? - That's right, Larry.
One Stephens is enough for any company.
You can consider this my resignation.
- Well, Darrin? - Well, what? If you're no longer with the company, would you mind leaving? This is a closed meeting.
That tears it.
Sweetheart, Larry was just kidding.
No, no.
I wouldn't want to be in the way when you two are talking business.
Darrin Don't give it a thought, Sam.
He'll cool off.
Well, he seems pretty upset.
Larry, if this is your idea of some kind of joke I think it's very unkind.
Unkind? How can you say I'm unkind? I not only came to tell Darrin I was taking him back I even offered his wife a job.
Oh, good grief.
You don't come in here very often, do you? Only when I've had a fight with my wife.
It's the same with me and I haven't missed a night in 11 years.
And that goes for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas New Year, Armistice Day Labour Day and Groundhog Day.
Groundhog Day? I said, " If he sees his shadow, it'll be a late spring.
" And she says, " If he sees his shadow, it'll be an early spring.
" Do I have to tell you? Charlie, another double here.
When you're married to a witch, life is a little more complicated.
If you think you're married to a witch, you should see my wife.
She's got a mother that's a witch too.
When my mother-in-law comes I put a pumpkin in the window.
Hello, Darrin? Hi, Larry.
No.
No, he's not home yet, and I'm beginning to worry.
Larry, I don't think that sitting around thinking up slogans is going to take my mind off my troubles.
Well, I just don't know.
The last time we had an argument, he went to this little bar, and l Wait Wait a minute.
That's it.
I'll talk to you later, Larry.
Bye-bye.
Hi, Clarissa.
You be a good girl and sit with Tabitha.
I'll be back in a few minutes.
Gonna offer me a drink, Darrin? A zombie for the lady, please.
- Don't tell me that's your wife? - That's her, all right.
Well, she doesn't look like a witch.
She is, all right.
Darrin, now you know I wouldn't have accepted that job from Larry.
Why not? That's the way for him to get the Barton account.
The best way to get the Barton account is to show him your layouts.
They're not interested in my layouts.
They're waiting for another one of your brilliant slogans.
Darrin, why don't we go home and talk this over? Oh, no.
I'm staying here with my friend.
Really? That's how you solve all your problems, by witchcraft.
- I didn't even pay the cheque.
- You can do that later.
Now you can listen.
If you didn't want your zombie, you should have said so.
I wanted it.
Okay.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Thank you.
That's just what I needed to see things in their true perspective.
There you go, sweetheart.
There.
You have a good night's sleep and tomorrow you'll feel much better.
I hope.
Hello? Oh, Larry.
Did you have to ring the phone so loud? Did what? I am? I did? It was? But, Larry That's good news, Larry.
I'll see you later.
That was Larry.
He said Barton found my layouts on his desk this morning.
Now, Darrin You put them there, right? Yes.
Did he like them? What do you mean, "Did he like them?" Didn't you rig the computer analyzer? What analyzer? - Then you didn't know.
- Know what? About the consumer analyzer.
They tested your slogan on it, and it was a complete washout.
Why did they run it through an electronic machine? Didn't they have any faith in their own judgment? Who cares? The point is, your slogan was rejected.
It was lousy, which proves it was your imagination.
Well, I don't think that's very nice.
Honey, you know what I mean.
Yes, I know, and I don't care.
I'm sorry, honey.
I should have known you'd never lie to me.
It's time you learned about witches.
If I didn't have to go to work, I'd love to stay home and take a couple of lessons.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Larry.
What? Well, that's great.
Thanks, Larry.
Yeah, okay.
Bye.
How do you like that? - Larry gave me the day off.
- Well.
I wonder what came over him.
- Yeah, so do I.
- Sam.
Well, I had one free twitch coming.