Boston Legal s05e08 Episode Script

- I'll just have a drip coffee.
Please leave room for milk.
- Okay.
Sure.
- You don't want anything? - No, thank you.
I've already had a coffee.
- One's quite enough.
- To be honest, I don't give a crap about interest rates.
If he didn't get the loan, he's going into bankruptcy anyway.
The investor's got money.
Let him go cry on the shoulder of his trophy wife.
Screw him.
Yeah.
Private conversation, Snoopy.
- Mrs.
Snoopy.
- [Barista.]
Can I help you? Yes.
I'll have a two percent latte and a blueberry muffin, please.
[Man.]
And so what do they want from me, Mike? Six points? - Really? That's fair? - Thank you.
- Then you're out of your mind.
- Oh, I apologize! [Lips Popping.]
You apologize? [Lips Popping.]
How about you look where you're going? That might help.
How about you demonstrate a modicum of courtesy? That's a nice accent.
What is that? French? - Poop-head.
- Come on, Jerry.
Sorry.
Some demento and his nurse.
[Distorted Voice.]
[Distorted Voice.]
[Announcer.]
He winds up for the pitch.
Jerry! Sorry.
[Lips Popping.]
[Patrons Chattering.]
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes, yes! Any other takers? Uh-huh, uh-huh Yeah, yeah - [Funk.]
- [Man Vocalizing.]
[Man.]
Uh-huh - All right - Boom.
Come on [Lips Pop.]
Come on All right Well, yeah Well, yeah Outlaw - You don't like it? - [Laughs.]
I'm not saying it's a bad look, but- Gerry Spence dresses like this all the time.
And he wins almost all his cases.
So do you.
And Gerry Spence is a country lawyer.
He tries his cases in Wyoming and- Are those guns loaded? Yeah.
Paintball.
Denny, it's good to have a Gerry Spence.
But we certainly don't need two.
Plus, we need a Denny Crane.
Mr.
Shore? Yes? My name is Kim Wang Shu.
I need a lawyer.
Let me guess.
They want to take back your gold medal but you really are 16? I don't have a gold medal.
And I'm only 15.
- How can I help you, Miss Shu? - I'm pregnant.
I can't have an abortion without parental consent.
My father's dead and my mother won't give it to me.
I need something called a judicial bypass.
And for that, I need a lawyer.
- Well- - Hold on.
Alan, I don't talk about this much, but I'm an icon.
Yes.
You and Gerry Spence both.
And icons, well- I like to pretend that everything I say and do is on television for the whole world to see.
It's just a little game I play with myself.
- And- - And who's gonna watch a show about abortion? - It's not fun.
- Well, Denny, you and I can make it fun.
- I don't think so.
- Try to look at it as a challenge.
Consider it your Emmy episode.
- Well, yeah.
But then there's the other thing.
- Which is? Well, look at her, you know? Sweet, cute, little kid.
If we help her get an abortion, she's gonna burn in hell forever and ever.
We'll represent you.
[Sighs.]
I can hear them changing the channel.
- What are you looking at? - Hey, don't start with me, Mac.
I just got finished capping one guy.
And there's two things you should know.
It was fun, and the day's just getting started! [Purrs.]
[Lips Popping.]
I've posted bond.
Arraignment's in half an hour.
Let's go.
Is there a particular reason your mother opposes the abortion? - Oh, please.
- Besides it not being fun.
Shejust doesn't believe in abortion.
She's very pro-life.
When I was a kid, we'd just go down to Mexico.
God doesn't care what happens in Mexico since it's already a kind of pre-hell.
Which is why they want to come up here illegally.
- What? - Okay.
Obviously, it's in our best interest to getjust the rightjudge.
What about the baby's best interest? Does that matter? - Don't shove me! - You listen to me right now.
- If you're gonna spew your politics all over- - Politics? A baby is politics? Denny, I respect your position on the issue.
You need to respect the client's.
- No, I don't.
She's a kid.
- Nevertheless, she has the right to choose.
Right? What about her responsibility? What about the baby's right? - The fetus doesn't have a legal right- - Fetus.
Does that make it sound less human? Does that make it easier? By calling it a procedure instead of an abortion? Or what it really is- Mr.
Crane? No disrespect.
But you're fired.
I told you it wouldn't be fun.
He beat a man up? Him? What's so surprising about that? I beat people up.
Jerry.
Your Honor, it was an altercation.
Two people were fighting.
- After he committed the initiating assault.
- He threw a muffin.
He provoked the fight and broke a man's nose.
Many witnesses saw it unfold.
- Him? - Jerry.
- It's an aggravated assault, Judge.
- With baked goods? With a fist.
It's a he said/he said, Judge.
A one-day case.
- Let's just get it over with.
- We can't be serious.
It was simply a dispute- - The defense stands ready for trial.
- Jerry.
- Make my day! - Jerry! - I want my day in court! - Fine.
10:00 tomorrow.
Adjourned.
- What are you doing? - And I'm representing myself.
- Don't be ridiculous.
- I am.
You can second chair if you want.
But I'm defending myself.
It's what I did in that coffee shop and it's what I'll do here.
- For you.
- What's this? Subpoena.
You're a witness for the prosecution.
Judge Peyton? Do you know where she stands on abortion? She's a woman.
Alan, many women are pro-life.
This doesn't split along gender lines.
She should be a goodjudge for this.
- Why do you need me- - Because I want a woman at the table.
I don't know if I'm your woman.
- [Knocking.]
- Mr.
Shore? Yes? My name is Ming Wang Shu.
I believe you're representing my daughter.
I am.
Please.
- And this is Shirley Schmidt.
- Hello.
Hello.
If I may, I would ask you to respect that this is a family matter.
I do respect that, Mrs.
Shu.
But like it or not, at your daughter's instigation this has now become a legal matter as well.
She's a child.
Legally, your daughter has a right to terminate this pregnancy.
With parental consent, which I am withholding.
Or she can obtain a judicial bypass.
They are almost always granted.
Have you ever had a child of yours terminated, Mr.
Shore? I suspect if you have, it haunts you.
Particularly if you participated in that decision.
Mrs.
Shu, this is not about me.
And I must respectfully say it's not about you.
She's my daughter.
I know her.
You do not.
And I know that if she makes this decision she'll never get over it.
You need to defer to her mother on this.
- Jerry.
- Carl.
- You mind getting down? - Certainly.
Katie brought me up to speed.
Sounds like you got a little emotional.
You know, a conviction for aggravated assault is more than just an inconvenience, Jerry.
It could affect your bar status.
Also run the risk of serving time.
Jerry, look at me.
Let me defend you.
No.
First he collides with me in line.
I'm not sure it wasn't intentional.
Then he throws out some hollow apology.
You know, like, "Sorry.
" And while I'm ordering my coffee I get hit with a muffin right in my face.
I approach him to say, "What's up with that?" And he hauls off and slugs me.
Knocks me out.
Do you really believe I collided with you on purpose, sir? Hey, I wouldn't know.
You're clearly a vicious person.
- Move to strike.
- Sorry.
You stepped into that.
Did you not refer to me as a "demento"? No, I did not.
Liar.
[Lips Pop.]
See? He was making funny sounds at me like that.
You didn't say to the person you were speaking to on the phone that I was a demento out with my nurse? - No, I did not.
- Liar! - Mr.
Espenson! - Did you not come to attack me after I threw the muffin? I was angry, but I wasn't going to attack you.
Liar, liar! [Lips Popping.]
Hey, you can try and make me out to be the bad guy, but I am not violent.
I've never been arrested, like you have.
I am a law-abiding person who was simply looking to buy a cup of coffee.
And look at me now! My nose is broken! You all set? Kim's by the elevator waiting.
- Sit.
- What's wrong? Alan, this- this does feel like a family matter.
Shirley, you realize Massachusetts has one of the more restrictive policies on abortion.
In this state, girls need attorneys more than- Is everything a case with you? - Well- - Is that how it works? As soon as a client walks in, you start preparing your closing argument? - That's not fair.
- Fair? [Chuckles.]
You've never been a parent.
I am one.
And an attorney running interference with a parental/ child relationship hardly feels fair.
If it were my daughter and a lawyer I'd want to throttle him.
And I can also tell you from personal experience anyone who has an abortion, you never get over it.
Trust me.
No matter how pro-choice.
Are you saying that underage girls should be forced to carry a baby to term if the parent so orders, Mrs.
Schmidt? No.
I'm not saying that.
Then perhaps all you can really do here is advise me of my legal rights and represent those rights in court.
Kim, whatever choice you make here will follow you the rest of your life.
I came to this country three years ago for two reasons: To be with my mother and to become a citizen in a country that prioritizes individual freedoms.
My understanding is that attorneys are in the business of safeguarding those freedoms.
Mr.
Hellman was carrying on a rather loud and abrasive conversation on his cell phone.
We turned to look at him while in line.
And he then assaulted us verbally.
Referring to us as Mr.
And Mrs.
Snoopy, I believe.
- Then what happened? - Then afterJerry placed his order he turned and inadvertently collided with Mr.
Hellman.
Then Mr.
Hellman reacted in a threatening and discourteous manner.
Then Jerry has some verbal tics.
Mr.
Hellman proceeded to ridicule him for that.
And as we were heading off, he did refer toJerry as a "demento.
" - You're a close friend of Mr.
Espenson.
- I am.
In fact, you're testifying today only under subpoena.
- That's correct.
- But you appreciate your obligation to tell the truth.
- I do.
- What happened next, Miss Lloyd? Well, we proceeded to go and wait forJerry's order.
He was becoming increasingly upset over Mr.
Hellman's discourteous remarks.
And then he tossed a blueberry muffin at him.
- Tossed it or threw it? - Threw it.
- Threw it quite hard? - It was only a muffin.
- And then what happened? - Mr.
Hellman charged atJerry.
Both appeared to throw punches simultaneously.
Jerry's fist arrived first.
- Mr.
Hellman was rendered unconscious.
- And then what? - That's pretty much it.
- Really? What did Mr.
Espenson do after he knocked Mr.
Hellman out? Did he go to his aid? No.
What did he do? He danced.
- He danced? - [Katie.]
Yes.
What kind of dance? It was celebratory.
Did he yell anything? - He yelled, "Yes, yes.
" - Anything else? He inquired as to whether there were any other takers.
Meaning did anyone else want to fight him? I suppose.
Anything else? He sang.
He seemed to enjoy the whole thing? He did.
I hardly think she was deliberately trying to get you convicted.
- Yes, she was! I heard it! - Jerry, you never should have represented yourself.
- I mean, you never- - Fine! Take her side! - I'm not taking her side.
- Why am I not surprised? Yes, you are! Stop yelling at me.
Hey! - He's losing? - It seems so.
Um- Alan, if you don't mind I'm going to withdraw from this case.
I do mind.
Why? I'm not comfortable arguing- I'm going to just pass on this case.
Shirley, how do you think the judge will interpret you pulling out all of a sudden? - We haven't even gone to court yet.
- I need a woman at the table! - Get another one! - I want you! - You don't have- - You have credibility! - What's your problem, Shirley? - I told you my problem.
I'm not comfortable.
Are you comfortable with the government legislating abortion? - Check that.
Outlawing it? Because that's the next step.
- Oh, please.
The Supreme Court already has the votes.
Stevens is 88 years old.
Once he goes- - This is not about politics, Alan- - Of course it is! No, it is not! When did you have your last abortion? Until you know everything that goes with it, don't you dare lecture me or anybody- I know what goes with it.
Obviously, I haven't experienced the physical part but I know the overwhelming emotion that goes with it.
I know the sense of loss, I know the doubt, the guilt! So please, don't- Shirley, did it ever occur to you that one of the reasons I wanted you on this case is precisely bec- - Maybe we should both get out.
- No, we shouldn't.
We're lawyers here first.
Ayoung girl has come to us for help to fight for a legal right that we both happen to believe in! Shirley, we separate ourselves from our emotions all the time.
It's what we do.
It's what we have to do here.
[Man.]
Come gather round, people Wherever you roam And admit that the waters around you have grown And accept it that soon You'll be drenched to the bone If your time to you is worth saving Then you better start swimming Or you'll sink like a stone For the times they are a-changin' - What? - How's the case going? [Groans.]
Surprisingly difficult, you'll be happy to know.
- Something's happening.
- What do you mean? I mean, it's getting close, Denny.
I can just feel Roe v.
Wade being chipped away at.
This parental consent law.
Thejudicial bypass hoops.
The wall's coming down.
I can feel it.
May I say something, friend to friend? Uh-oh.
You pro-choice people, you need Roe versus Wade.
You're desperate for it.
Not because you're sure of your opinion, but because you're not.
You need to cling to that ruling as moral validation for a position you're not entirely comfortable with deep down.
[Man.]
Come, senators, congressmen Please heed the call Don't stand in the doorway Don't block up the hall For he that gets hurt Will be the one who has stalled There's a battle outside and it's raging It'll soon shake your windows And rattle your walls For the times they are a-changin' I don't know exactly what he plans to do, but it's not going well at all.
- Does he plan to testify? - He has to.
Otherwise- Throw me under the bus, why don't you, and then back up over me.
- I did not throw you under a bus.
- Oh, you most certainly did.
Ow! Hey! - He asked me questions! I was under oath! - What am I supposed to do now? Thanks a lot! Howdy, partner.
- Hey! What did I do? - Ow! How dare you attack me like that! How dare you! I thought we were friends! - I should've committed perjury? - You didn't have to relish it! - I did not relish it! - Yes, you did.
There was judgment in it, Katie.
You have been throwing out judgment from the start.
- Instead of having my back or supporting- - Jerry, you went bonkers! You launched a muffin, knocked a man unconscious challenged the rest of the cafe to a fight, and then did a dance! It was grotesque! If anything, I've underplayed my dismay.
What if you hadn't landed the first blow? MaybeJoe Bob might have turned on me.
You might have put me in danger.
How about taking a little responsibility? - How about an apology? - Poop-head! - Poop-head yourself! - Let me tell you, hotcakes.
- If you can't stand the heat- - I can take the heat just fine! And do not ever call me "hotcakes"! Here's my problem.
On the one hand, you're telling me she just had an impulsive lapse of judgment four months ago.
And yet, you are maintaining that she has the maturity to make one of the most important and far-reaching decisions that any person could be called upon- Judge, that's how it works with abortion.
Let's not kid ourselves.
Let's not pretend you know better than her mother.
The impact this will have for the- I'm considering the impact of a teenager having to raise a child- She doesn't have to raise it.
There's adoption.
The law gives her the right to terminate this pregnancy.
Only with parental consent, which she does not have.
The bypass is therefore- Come on.
Let's at least wait till the Supreme Court repudiates Roe v.
Wade.
- Why rob them of all their fun? - Mr.
Shore- Your Honor, this bypass requirement is unreasonable.
Perhaps even unconstitutional, as is the requirement of parental consent.
The reality is most kids won't tell their parents.
Many will resort to unsafe methods.
Somejust secretly have the child.
- Mr.
Shore- - And if we're really going to exalt human life here it should be pointed out that death associated with childbirth is 10 times as high as that associated with abortion.
You're talking about the mother.
The death rate of the unborn child is 100%.
- A fetus is not- - Hey.
Hey, I am not going there.
Like you say, Mr.
Shore, let us not step on the Supreme Court's moment.
All I care about today is the maturity and the best interests of Kim.
May I be heard on that, Your Honor? Please.
This is a young lady who is in love with a boy one day, and then over him the next.
Last week, she was going to be a marine biologist.
And as of this morning, she planned to invent software games.
She's only at the beginning of discovering who she is.
Like any teenager- But that process could be nipped in the bud if she becomes a teenage mother.
I know the values she was raised with.
I know her values.
And I feel that she will evolve to be a person who is very much pro-life.
And this decision might emotionally devastate her.
You do not know her.
- I do.
- May I respond, Your Honor? Okay.
I know I'm just a kid.
I had unprotected sex.
What better example is there of immaturity or recklessness.
But I also know my family is poor.
I will likely have to go on welfare like nearly 80% of teen mothers are forced to do.
I will not be able to continue my education.
I will not be able to provide for my child, give her a good education.
I know the odds facing me.
I know the odds facing this child should I carry her to term.
And I believe terminating this pregnancy is in my best interest.
This is very difficult.
You do strike me as a conscientious and mature young woman.
And yet I find the mothers of 15-year-olds typically know those 15-year-olds better than those children know themselves.
I'm gonna take time to think about this.
We will adjourn until 2:00.
- Mom, please.
- You need to listen to me, Kim.
Not him.
Not him! Mrs.
Shu, as odd as it sounds, I'll ask you not to talk about this to my client.
Why don't you talk to her, Mr.
Shore? You think you know what's going on? You have no idea.
My suggestion would be to let Carl step in.
Let him mitigate some of the damage.
- It's a little too late.
- He could certainly help you with your testimony.
I'm gonna testify in the narrative.
It'll double as my closing.
- I think I can be more compelling that way.
- "More compelling"? That would suggest you've been the least bit compelling so far, which you haven't.
I don't mean to come in here driving a bus.
Jerry, you know I'm on your side.
If you're to absolve yourself you cannot simply get up there and say the man had it coming.
There are disagreements, disputes, altercations every day.
Adults respond as adults.
They don't hurl pastries.
They do not punch.
And they most certainly do not engage in victory war dances over fallen bodies.
I think you have to examine where your behavior came from and make the jury want to excuse your rather inexcusable actions.
It's not that I don't think it's her right.
I do.
And God knows she seems smart enough to make the decision.
But- But? But as someone who's exercised that right this girl just strikes me as too struggle-free.
- You say she was raised in China? - Until three years ago.
Why? - And the baby's female? - Don't be ridiculous.
Shirley, female infanticide in China's been going on for a thousand years.
- Well, in China, yes.
- Also here.
I don't believe it.
- In the United States? - I can show you the studies.
Since China's one-child-per-family policy was introduced in 1980 sex selection spiked.
They want boys.
Ultrasounds, not a good thing for female Chinese babies.
He started the altercation by throwing the muffin.
He ended it with a vicious punch shattering the victim's nose, knocking him unconscious.
And instead of showing any concern or contrition, he danced.
Did a littlejig.
Sang a song.
And said to the bystanders, "Who's next?" Violent, unrepentant, criminal.
That's the only way to describe the conduct of the defendant.
The legal definition would be aggravated assault.
I have various emotional deficits.
Some of which are consistent with Asperger's syndrome.
Others simply reflective of my lack of social development.
Even in my late 40s, I am often childlike.
All my life, I have been picked on for being weird.
[Lips Popping.]
The thing about being bullied it stays with you.
I certainly don't mean I think about it every day.
But it's there.
And when picked on now today, as I was by Mr.
Hellman it wasn'tjust his actions that were causing me to boil up and react but the actions of many, over many, many years because it never goes away.
Most victims cower, run away.
I always did.
I probably would have here except this time the abuse happened in front of somebody I'm- well- So I threw a muffin.
A small gesture, but for me- Then suddenly, Mr.
Hellman came charging.
And I had to defend myself.
Something I'd never done.
Something I thought myself incapable of doing.
And I squeezed my hand into a fist and I threw a punch.
It's a wonder I hit him.
I had my eyes closed.
And by some miracle, the bully went down.
For the first time in my picked-on ridiculed, taunted laughed-at life I had stood up for myself.
And it was joyous.
It was a feeling that- Yes, I sang and I danced and I challenged everybody else, quickly before they tumbled to the truth that I was afraid.
I, um- I certainly regret the celebrating.
I wish I could take that back.
But I will never take back that punch.
It was a punch that had been coming for over 40 years.
- Shirley, we're due back.
- Come in for a second.
Sit, Kim.
Your mother told Alan in court that he had no idea what was really going on here.
What did she mean by that? I don't know.
She was probably just being a little irrational.
Mothers are like that.
She didn't strike me that way.
Why are you having this abortion, Kim? I think I've been clear on that.
Clear, yes.
Truthful, I wonder.
Shirley, what's going on? You refer to the baby as "she.
" It's a girl? I don't know.
I was just saying "she" instead of"he" or "it.
" Does it matter? You tell me.
Shirley, unless it's a Monday crossword, I'm lousy at puzzles.
Kim's culture has a preference for male offspring.
What your mother knows but isn't telling us, at least not directly is you're aborting this baby because it's a girl.
Aren't you, Kim? I asked you a question.
The reason I want to terminate this pregnancy has no legal relevance.
I suspect if the clinic learns that this is about sex selection, that they'll- It's not.
I'm a teenager.
I'm simply unfit to be a mother.
My personal reasons are none of your business.
We're gonna be late.
[Judge Peyton.]
Mrs.
Shu, admittedly I cannot possibly know your daughter as well as you do.
But as I said I cannot help but be impressed by her apparent clarity on this.
And as a judge, as a woman I simply cannot impose upon her the duty to carry through- - Your Honor- - Shirley.
In addition to being Kim's advocate, I am also well, a woman.
Thank you, Ms.
Schmidt.
I suspected, but one can never be too sure.
It is my opinion that my client seeks to terminate this pregnancy because the child she is carrying is female.
- That isn't true.
- Is it true, Mrs.
Shu? - As a matter of public policy- - This is not your call! Abortion laws were intended to liberate women, not eradicate them.
Ms.
Schmidt, I think you're out of line.
Your Honor, sex selection, at least for this purpose it should shock the sensibility of this court.
This woman is fired as my attorney.
Kim, I'm going to say something that perhaps only a mother should get to say.
Sit down and be quiet.
In India, almost half a million female fetuses are aborted every year because the gender is considered inferior.
In China, it's become epidemic.
And according to our own census polls U.
S.
-born children of Chinese parents tend to be male.
It's female infanticide.
It is sexism.
It is vile.
And I am not going to be part of it.
I'm not going to stay silent while we let the abortion license be exploited to accomplish the holocaust of women.
If that gets me disbarred for betraying a client or revealing a privilege so be it.
And what do you propose we do, Ms.
Schmidt? That we add to our current abortion law the right of the government to investigate why a woman chooses to terminate her pregnancy? You really want to go down that road? Subject pregnant teens to interrogation and discovery? I admire your moral instinct here but it is logistically unenforceable.
I am convinced that the minor is mature enough to make the decision and the bypass is granted.
Unbelievable.
- That sounds promising.
- Not necessarily.
- Alan told me he was bullied as a kid.
- The judge? - By his mother.
- Mr.
Espenson, please rise.
Mr.
Foreman, the jury has reached a unanimous verdict? - We have, Your Honor.
- What say you? In the matter of the Commonwealth versus Jerry Espenson on the charge of aggravated assault we, thejury, find the defendant, Jerry Espenson not guilty.
[Judge Brown.]
Ladies and gentlemen of thejury, thank you for your service.
- Adjourned.
- Wow.
- Well, a little dance would certainly be in order now.
- I think I'll pass on that.
Thank you, Katie.
If I hadn't taken your little lecture to heart I might not have closed that way.
- Thank you.
- How about you let me take you to dinner to celebrate? That I accept.
Lesson to you, bub.
Tell a friend.
[Whispers.]
Not necessary.