Futurama s05e08 Episode Script

The Why of Fry Delivery boy Philip J.
Fry, reporting for duty.
Dr.
Zoidberg, soaking in brine.
Ah What is the meaning of this? We've got a delivery.
Let's move! Amy, mission profile.
Interesting.
Interesting.
- Dr.
Zoidberg, mission bag? - Packed and ready, sir.
What's this? This is the same toy surprise I got last time.
I can't work under these conditions.
And without me, there is no mission.
- I am the mission.
- We're back from the mission.
What? You went without me? You were looking up curse words in the dictionary.
- It seemed like a better use of your time.
- But I'm the delivery boy.
- Don't worry, everything went fine.
- Better than usuaI.
We got medals.
Good work, team.
We really pulled together on this one.
Whoo-hoo! They got medals.
I'm reaI sorry I missed the mission.
- You might have needed me.
- Nope.
- But if I'd been there, I- - Nope! - Look- - Nope.
- Bender's great.
- Nope.
Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight.
- Nope, I've got a date with Chaz.
- Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week.
He's the mayor's aide.
- Oh, you go, mutant girI.
- Oh.
- I do go.
He's a very important man.
- So? I'm just as important as him.
It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it.
Oh, I'm nobody.
There are guys in the background of "Mary Worth" comics who are more important than me.
Buck up, meat loaf.
Bender will take you out and cheer you up.
What do you want to do? And I mean anything.
You have the power.
Name it and I'm there.
You the man.
- Well, okay.
Let's go bowling.
- Nah.
Table for two? Step right this way.
I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but as you can see I'm the mayor's aide.
Table for two, please.
Okay, then.
- Hey! - It's okay, my man I got you covered on your next health inspection.
Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr.
Mayor's Aide.
Here you go.
Compliments of the house.
Wow! Free bread at a restaurant! Is there anything you can't do? - I can't faiI the mayor.
Not ever.
- Oh.
- Oh, jeez, I better not let Leela see me.
- Hey, I hear Fry.
- Boy, am I glad you're here.
- You are? Things aren't working out with what's-his-name? Actually, they are.
Confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight.
- Could you walk Nibbler for me? - Ah And bring a baggie, in case he drops a steamer.
Have a great night.
Oh, no.
Please, no! Perfect.
Whoa.
Smells like a 289 in progress.
Failure to scoop.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, I'm trying.
It weighs as much as 1000 suns.
Don't worry.
I'll pull some strings, see if I can't get you tried as a juvenile.
Oh, Chaz.
I'm as worthless as this trashcan.
You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raising six kids, you dumb townie.
Oh, Nibbler, at least I'm important to you even if it's only because I clean up your poop.
The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance.
- Did you just talk? - Indeed and I have other amazing powers as well.
Like what? - Are you my mommy? - Negative.
- Welcome, Lord Nibbler.
- Welcome acknowledged.
I bring with me The Mighty One.
Uh? At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition.
Aren't you a fuzzy little guy? Stop that! Please, Your Mightiness.
"Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.
- Does he not know? - He does not know.
- He knows not? - Knows not does he.
- Not he knows? - Enough! Fry, it is my duty to inform you that the fate of humanity the fate of our race, indeed, the fate of all that exists and ever will exist, rests with you.
You are the single most important person in the universe.
Oh, snap.
On this auspicious occasion, let the horn of eternity cut a thunderous blast.
The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun.
- You gonna eat that? - Maybe later.
The time has come to discuss matters of the gravest importance.
Fry, do you remember some months ago when Earth was attacked by Flying Brains? I remember the dancing stomachs.
That might've been a Mylanta commerciaI.
Wait, the Brains! I do remember but no one else does.
They said I was crazy.
You remember because you were the only one immune to the Brains' mentaI attack.
Because I'm so smart? Oh, my.
Anyway, your immunity is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave.
It's a genetic abnormality, which resulted when you went back in time and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.
I did do the nasty in the past-y.
Verily, and that past nastification is what shields you from the Brains.
You are the last hope of the universe.
So I really am important? How I feeI when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.
For a thousand years, the eviI Brains have been constructing the Info-Sphere, a giant memory bank twice the size of three ordinary memory banks.
- What's eviI about that? - They plan to collect all the information in the universe and store it within the sphere.
- They're trying to learn things? - Right.
- Those bastards! - Being brains, they feeI compelled to know everything, and soon they will.
- I'm as mad as I've ever been.
- Once their task is complete they will ensure that no new information arises in the only way possible.
By destroying the universe.
Now it's personaI.
Your mission is to infiltrate the Info-Sphere and plant this quantum interface bomb blasting them into an alternate universe from which there is no return.
Then outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Junior.
Okay, let's go through this once more from the- - Brains! - Fear not, Mighty one.
Your missing brain wave makes you invisible to them.
- So long as you avoid intense thinking.
- Sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention.
- That is most wise.
- Who? In a few seconds, the Brains will finish scanning the last bits of information in the universe.
Beavers mate for life.
Eleven greater than four.
For quality carpets, visit Caplan's Carpet Warehouse.
Now the Info-Sphere will open its protective crust so as to scan itself, completing its thousand-year task.
This is your one chance to enter the sphere.
Scoot.
Scoot now! I'm at the input console.
I'm nervous, and I've got brain in my butt crack.
Roger.
once you press the detonator, you will have 60 seconds for an exciting escape.
Hey, wait.
This Brain knows about everything, right? It will soon.
That's why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb.
I can't pass up a chance to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time.
Is it true that postage-stamp glue is made of-? Correct, toad mucus.
There's no time for this.
Activate the bomb.
Wait, wait, wait.
What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! CoMPU TER: Unauthorized data access.
Uh-oh.
Detecting trace amounts of mentaI activity.
Possibly a dead weaseI or a cartoon viewer.
Ew! Gross, cut it out.
Odd, he is immune to our psionic attack.
Impossible.
We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove.
It appears we are in the presence of the fabled one but without his Scooty-Puff Junior, he cannot escape.
A quantum interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane? You got it, Poindexter.
Oh, not good.
Detonation in T-minus You fooI! You will be transported to the other universe with us.
Trapped there for all eternity.
We'll form a tight clique that you won't be part of.
Well, at least I did one important thing with my life leading good to victory over eviI.
- Yeah! - Exactly! The Nibblonians? Good? Ha.
During your last moments in this universe, perhaps you should query our database concerning the night of December 31, 1999.
- The day I got frozen? What about it? - No.
Don't ask about that.
It would be boring.
- Forget it, then.
- Query! Okay.
What happened to me, Philip J.
Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request.
Are you the Philip J.
Fry from Earth or the Philip J.
Fry from Hovering Squid World 97 A? Earth, you fat idiot.
Hurry up.
Hello? Pizza delivery for "I.
C.
Wiener"? oh, crud.
Uh, I can't believe how fat I look.
Oh, Nibbler's there.
Wait.
What?! What the-? I- I don't understand.
You made me go in the freezer tube? Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds.
You little runts froze me.
You took away my life.
- We can explain.
- No, you can't.
Shut your adorable trap.
We had no choice.
You were the only one who could help us.
What is one life weighed against the entire universe? But it was my life.
Detonation in two, one- Will the owner of a white Pontiac Firebird-? oh, never mind, zero! Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.
- We could sing "American Pie.
" - Go ahead, I deserve it.
I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.
I have shocking data relevant to this conversation.
We don't care, you dope.
We're in another universe.
You're not in charge.
It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life on December 31, 1999.
Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point at the space-time where you entered the cryogenic tube.
You, and only you, can return there.
Interesting.
You could stop the Nibblonian from pushing you into the cryogenic tube.
That is interesting.
Why? It will be as if you never came to the future.
You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan to understand and destroy the universe.
- Everybody wins.
The human returns to the past! Meanwhile I love rocket skating, but the wait is always so long.
Poor Fry once stood in line six hours just to get me a ticket.
Six hours? Sounds like a reaI nobody but now it's time for somebody and some chick he's with to go skating.
- You reserved the whole rink? - Yep, buzzed ahead let them know whose aide was coming by.
The mayor's, that's whose.
Oh, Chaz! Mr.
VogeI, I thought we was going skating.
No, we're not important enough.
Everybody just hold hands untiI the bus driver comes back from his haircut.
- Oh, let's let those kids skate with us.
- What? Seriously? - I'm trying to impress you with my clout.
- I know, and it's working.
But think how much skating would mean to those kids.
We came here instead of eating today.
This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives.
- Who are we to say they can't? - The mayor's aide and his badge.
Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections.
All right, little ones back to the orphanarium.
You can slide around the gym in your socks.
What socks? So am I gonna get lucky tonight, or what? I hope your calculations are correct.
Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains.
Initiate space-time transfer.
I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza.
one pie, nothing good on it.
Name? I- period-C-period Wiener.
Talk a little louder.
It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on you.
Hello? Pizza delivery for "I.
C.
Wiener"? Oh, crud.
Gotcha! - I don't understand.
- Yes, you do.
You came back in time to knock me into that freezer and now I came back to stop you.
I did not come back in time.
My people lack that ability.
But I know you in the future.
I cleaned your poop.
Quite possible.
We live long and are celebrated poopers.
You will meet me when I'm 1000 years older.
Not if you don't freeze me.
Please, our sages foresee that in 1000 years for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you.
Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now.
- Well, why couldn't you just ask me? - We were afraid you would refuse.
Of course not, I love the future.
Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.
Well, now it's your choice.
Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Hmm.
Leela, but she doesn't think much of me.
Oh, she must be The Other.
What? You must not give up on her.
I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon Six but if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.
Ten, nine, eight, seven - You think I had a chance with Leela? You must choose.
The present or the future? To save yourself or save Leela.
One! Yes! Here I come, future.
Oh, no, wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again.
Just remember that Scooty-Puff Junior sucks! In 1000 years, I'll get right on it.
And so 1000 years later, Fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere and set off his amazing bomb.
only this time Thank you for saving the universe, Fry.
- Here.
- Oh, thanks.
If you ever need a savior again, just ask.
Oh, we will.
We will.
I can't wait to tell everyone what happened.
Yes.
Incidentally, I need to remain undercover so I'm blanking your memory.
Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.
- Bender, would you do the honors? - With gusto.
Hey, Leela.
I guess I got this for you.
Oh, thank you.
You know what? I don't care if you're not the most important person in the universe.
It really makes me happy to see you right now.
Then I am the most important person in the universe.
Yes!