Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e08 Episode Script

- (Announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. We're, We're. ♪
Ready. (All) Ready. ♪
(Garfield) To. (All) To. ♪
(Garfield) Party!
We're ready to party
We're ready
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
Come on in
Come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
- (All) Dancing. - (Garfield) Fiesta.
- (All) Romancing. - (Garfield) Siesta.
- (All) Samba. - (Garfield) La Bamba.
- (All and Garfield) Ay carumba!
- (Garfield) Disguises. - (All) Disguises.
- (Garfield) Surprises. - (All) Surprises.
- (Garfield) And pies of. - (All) And pies of.
- (All and Garfield) All sizes.
Come on in
Come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
- And for my next trick,
I will make the rest of the show magically appear.
What do you say, Odie?
Should we just watch the most mindless thing of all on TV?
(barks)
Okay, you got it, professional wrestling.
- I want you, man.
We got a grudge to settle, and when I get you in that ring,
I'm gonna tie you into a pretzel and put mustard on ya.
- Mauler, who are you going to fight in this grudge match?
- I don't know.
But I'm a wrestler.
I gotta be havin' a grudge with somebody!
- The Masked Mauler's as strong as an ox,
and he's almost as bright.
- Come on, guys, let's go out.
- I wouldn't budge from this chair for all the tea in China.
- I'm gonna go have pizza.
- So who can drink all that tea?
I want mine with pepperoni and sausage
and extra cheese and pineapple and bacon
and meatballs and garlic and black olives and onions and
- What do you mean, I can't wrestle anymore?
- What I said, Mauler, baby.
Nobody wants to get in the ring with you.
They say you don't follow the script.
- I gotta find somebody to wrestle!
- Garfield, what are you doing?
- Signaling for a fair catch.
Hey, anyone can eat 'em one slice at a time.
- Where are you gonna find
someone dumb enough to wrestle you?
- There's gotta be someone.
I think I just found the guy.
- That wasn't your pizza, Garfield.
You can't--
- Is that your cat?
Your cat ate my pizza.
- Uh, I'll be glad to buy you another one, sir.
I--
- Nobody does that to the Masked Mauler.
- M-m-m-masked Mauler?
- You wanna wrestle me, is that it?
- M-m-m-me? Wrestle you?
- Okay, if you want.
Tonight, at the Spleen Auditorium.
And if you don't show up, I'm gonna find you.
You hear me?
- But, gee, maybe, oh boy.
- Well, this is another fine mess
you got yourself into, Arbuckle.
- He's challenged me to a wrestling match tonight.
Well, it looks like I have an important decision to make.
Let's see, do I want to move to Argentina or Portugal?
I know what you're thinking, Garfield.
You're thinking I should stand my ground.
Show some backbone.
And why not?
Okay, so that guy's bigger and stronger.
So he outweighs me by a few hundred pounds.
But I'm smart.
I have skill and speed.
His kind always backs down when you stand up to them,
and I can stand up to him.
I can get in that ring and beat him at his own game.
What do you think, Garfield?
- I think maybe Portugal.
- I've made up my mind.
I am not going to that auditorium tonight
to wrestle that big lug.
- A rare display of common sense.
- (Manager) That's the guy.
That one there.
- Hey!
- We thought we'd give you a personal escort to the arena.
- Help.
Cry for help.
Ooh.
- Wait for us.
Oh look, Odie, Jon's already practicing his wrestling holds.
(barks)
- Good evening, wrestling fans.
We're coming to you live from the Spleen Auditorium,
where any moment the Masked Mauler, 940 times undefeated,
will face the newcomer named Turnbuckle Arbuckle.
- There was a guy at the hot dog stand bettin' that
Jon wouldn't live through the referee's instructions.
(whines)
- Just moments ago,
I interviewed the contestants in their dressing rooms.
Here is what they had to say.
- Arbuckle, you're toast.
When I get you in that ring,
I'm gonna pound you so hard your ancestors will feel it.
What do you have to say to that?
- Yeah, well, same to you, fella.
That won't get him mad, will it?
- Well, it looks like quite a match.
And I see that the challenger is just now entering the ring.
He looks like he's in fine form.
He looks like he's in good shape.
He looks like he's in deep trouble.
(crowd booing)
And now here comes the champion, the Masked Mauler.
(crowd cheering)
The wrestlers meet at the center of the ring.
- All right, I want a good, clean match.
Mauler, baby, try not to kill him.
- Hm, what a shame.
I always kinda liked Jon.
(whines)
- (Announcer) The Mauler stalks toward Turnbuckle.
For Turnbuckle's sake, I hope he has some secret strategy.
(teeth chattering)
And yes, there it is.
There's his strategy.
He has fainted.
A brilliant defensive move by Turnbuckle Arbuckle.
- You can look now.
He's disgraced the name of Arbuckle.
If such a thing is possible.
- (Announcer) The Mauler has picked up Turnbuckle
and is throwing him out of the ring!
- Yow!
- Wait!
We seem to have another wrestler in the ring,
and he looks like a cat?
- Where am I?
Yikes!
This is a bad place for me to be.
(crowd booing and hissing)
- And the crowd is furious at the Masked Mauler
for picking on a poor, defenseless kittycat like that.
(crowd booing)
- I'm not too wild about it either.
(slobbering)
- Wha?
What happened?
Garfield!
- (Announcer) And the crowd
is absolutely furious with the Masked Mauler!
(booing)
- Yes, but you'll notice not one of them is helping me.
- (Mauler) Gotcha.
- I've been gotchaed.
Whatever you're about to do, please don't do it!
- Now, cat, I'm gonna twist you into a, a, achha!
- The Mauler is allergic to cat hair.
Odie, quick!
- I'm gonna pound you, cat.
- Faster, Odie!
(barks)
(hair dryer running)
- I'm gonna, ah, ah, ah, ah
- Here comes the big one!
- Ah, achoo!
- The cat has just unmasked the Masked Mauler!
(laughing)
- Hey, don't laugh at me!
I said don't laugh at me!
- The winner and champeen, the cat!
- Garfield!
You beat the Masked Mauler!
- Yeah, I think I won by a nose.
(barks)
Can you do any impressions, Odie?
(barks)
(balloon inflating)
- Ta da!
- John Wayne?
- No.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Sylvester Stallone?
- No!
- Don't tell me. I'll get it.
Jack Nicholson?
Bill Cosby?
Meryl Streep?
Michael Jackson?
(groans)
- Don't gimme that, Wade.
You're afraid of everything.
- Not everything.
Only the things one should be afraid of.
- Oh, right.
Like jelly doughnuts?
- Ah, jelly doughnuts!
Oh, well!
- I think I made my point.
Lemme give you some advice.
- I need all I can get.
- Wade, some things in this world are worthy of panic.
- Well, I take no chances.
I do it over everything.
- We know.
But you oughta learn to save it
for the real dangerous things, like monsters,
criminals, life-threatening accidents,
listening to disco music, falling off a cliff--
- How about wandering through a cemetery full of ghosts?
- That's good.
Now, you see, that's a valid reason to panic.
That's
(teeth chattering)
(moaning)
On three.
One, two.
- Three.
(screaming)
- Wait a minute.
(crashing)
I think I just realized what's going on.
- Oh, you think Orson is reading a book again,
and letting his imagination get carried away?
- Right.
I should have know.
We were about due for another one of those episodes.
- And, as the ghost with the golden smile
moved through the graveyard, the moon slow--
- Halt, cease, desist, stop in mid-book.
- What's wrong, Roy?
Oh.
I did it again?
- You did it again.
You read a book about ghosts, and we're in a ghost story.
You read a book about Egypt,
and we're surrounded by pyramids.
- You know, once he read the phone book,
and I got attacked by an area code.
- Well, I'm sorry,
but imagination can be a wonderful thing.
It can take you anywhere you want to go.
- Then why are you going to a graveyard?
- We don't have to.
How about if we all take a trip to the moon?
- The moon?
Neato!
- Not I!
Include me out.
- Wade, we're not really going to the moon.
It's just pretend.
- Then pretend I'm coming along, because I'm not. Bye.
- We don't need him.
Let's go to the moon.
I want to go to the moon!
- Okay, let's find a good book on moon travel.
- I don't know what's goin' on here,
but I'm gonna find a way
to get outta here with some chickens.
- Oh, why oh why am I the way I am?
Why does everything so terrify this poor duck?
(screams)
Why do I jump at loud noises,
cringe at the slightest height,
and run screaming from any animal larger than a gnat?
Why am I like this?
Oh, why?
Because you're a pathetic coward.
Well, when he's right, he's right.
Even my reflection mocks me.
- All set for our imaginary journey to the moon, Roy?
- Let's go, let's go!
Do I get a snazzy spacesuit?
- One snazzy spacesuit coming up!
Each of the astronauts was clad
in the latest in space wear.
Synthetic gripper boots.
- Whoa, neat!
- Temperature-controlled spacesuit.
- Spiffy!
- And hermetically sealed halibut.
- Orson.
- Oh, I'm sorry, I read it wrong.
Hermetically sealed helmet.
- Much better.
Let's go! Blast off!
Three, two, one, move it out!
- Okay, I have a spacesuit too.
And we're in a modern spacecraft, and here we go.
(rocket engine firing)
- Yahoo!
Moon, here we come!
- I gotta go get Wayland.
This is our chance.
- I am just an afraid duck,
afraid even of a pretend trip to the moon.
Uh-oh. Weasel.
- Wayland, wait up.
- What's up, Spence?
- The barnyard, you know, where they have the chickens?
Well, the pig and the rooster who guard 'em
just went to the moon.
- The moon?
You musta been eatin' some bad mice.
- I saw it with my own eyes.
The coop is unguarded.
- Eh, let's go have a looksee.
- Whilst Orson and Roy are on their pretend moon,
those weasels are gonna steal chickens for real!
Have I the courage to go back there
and stop those weaselly weasels?
Have I?
Probably not.
What a shame, those poor chickens.
Hey, what do you know?
You're only my reflection,
and I have never been right once.
You don't have the guts to go back there
and stop those weasels.
Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
I do so.
Take this.
I hope I'm in time.
- (Orson) We're almost to the moon, Roy.
- About time.
This seat feels like an old apple crate.
- Don't stop imagining.
That's one small step for pig--
- Oh, somebody already said that.
Just get out there.
- Those weasels are probably here already.
My, my, the drought is having
quite an effect on the land around here.
- Yahoo!
First rooster on the moon!
- Be careful, Roy.
You can never tell who we might meet out here.
This is a science fiction book,
so we could meet a monster,
or an explorer from another planet, or even
Wade?
- Orson, crisis!
- You need a spacesuit if you're gonna
be here on the moon, Wade.
- Weasels are raiding the chicken coop!
I heard 'em with my own two ears, which I do not have.
- Weasels?
We'd better get back to Earth.
- Relax, I know how to handle this.
We need a lunar vehicle.
- We got chicken for life.
- Let's scram with it.
- You shoulda made a left at the Sea of Tranquility.
Watch out for that crater!
- Do you mind?
I'm driving.
- Hey, what's goin' on here?
- (Wade) There they are!
- Quick, Orson, dream up an atomic-powered
super-disintegrator weapon.
- We don't need that, just some imagination.
And a moon monster.
- Where are we?
- Looks like New Jersey, only with more trees.
Yah!
(growls)
- Well, I think it's time we return to Earth, guys.
- Oh, I liked it on the moon.
- You can go back any time you open the right book, Roy.
Go let the chickens out.
Wade, because of your bravery, the chickens were saved.
Sometimes you surprise me.
- And sometimes you surprise me.
Hey, sometimes I surprise me too!
Heh heh.
- (Garfield) It all began one cold April night.
- One cup of milk, two eggs,
half a pint of pitted olives, grated cheese,
asparagus, some of this stuff, whatever it is.
- Now, most kitchens are equipped with smoke alarms.
This one, however, had a different kind of alarm,
one triggered by the aroma of what the man was cooking.
(alarm buzzing)
Oh no!
Odie, wake up.
It's the new-recipe alarm!
Jon's cooking something new.
Let's get outta here before it's too late!
- Hi, guys.
I'm making something new for dinner.
(screaming)
- (Garfield) Quickly, the handsome cat
and semi-cute dog fled for their lives.
But it was too late.
- I think you'll really like it.
I'll set the table.
- What do you think, Odie?
(whines)
Yeah, you're right.
Might as well get it over with.
You first.
Trembling, the magnificent cat
and the mediocre dog waited.
I thought you buried his cookbook!
- Here you go, fellas, eat up.
(sniffs)
- Somebody call the humane society, quick!
Tell 'em Jon Arbuckle has a new recipe.
They'll understand.
- I wonder how Garfield and Odie are enjoying my new recipe.
Come on, it can't be that bad.
(sputters)
Okay, so it can be that bad.
- (Garfield) Arbuckle never liked to throw food away.
Or stuff like that either.
So he took it over to the refrigerator
and stuck it in back,
back behind the mayonnaise, next to the ketchup,
and to the left of the coleslaw.
And there he left it.
Now, the problem with saving food
because no one wanted to eat it
is that no one ever wants to eat it.
So Jon's recipe stayed there for days, weeks, months.
And as it sat there, it started to grow.
It grew vines.
Then it grew hair.
Sometime after Labor Day it grew a hand or two.
And a week after Thanksgiving it grew an eye or three
and started eating all the pickles.
And by now you've probably figured out
that this is one of Garfield's Tales of Scary Stuff.
Today's episode, The Creature That Lived
in the Refrigerator Behind the Mayonnaise
Next to the Ketchup and to the Left of the Coleslaw.
For a long time, no one in the house
dreamed that they had a creature
living in the refrigerator, behind the mayonnaise,
next to the ketchup, and to the left of the coleslaw.
Then, one day in February.
- Let's see.
I need two cups of milk.
Milk, milk, where's the milk?
Oh, thanks.
I'm making your Abraham Lincoln's
Birthday birthday cake.
- Leave the beard off this time, will ya, Jon?
Yoo hoo. Hello.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
- I, oh, euw
- While Jon's reciting his vowels,
I'm gonna go get a piece of watermelon.
Who ate all my watermelon?
They could've at least left me the seeds.
- I, uh, I
- Stop singing Witch Doctor.
Look!
(screaming)
- That's right, a creature.
- Uh-huh.
I see.
Now, exactly where is this alleged creature?
Uh-huh.
Behind the mayonnaise.
Next to the ketchup.
To the left of the coleslaw.
We'll be right over.
Looks like we got an 817, Jones.
- A creature living in the refrigerator,
behind the mayonnaise, next to the ketchup,
and to the left of the coleslaw?
- You got it.
- (Garfield) In no time at all, the police department's
Special Refrigerator SWAT Team was on its way
and converging on the house.
- I put it away.
I guess I forgot about it back there.
- When will people learn to be more careful with leftovers?
- Around here, we don't usually have any.
- I'm sending Schmidlapp in.
Hey, Schmidlapp, over here.
- Is he a specialist in unearthly creatures
and mutated life forms?
- No, sir, he's just the stupidest man
I have on the force.
- You called, Chief?
- Schmidlapp, what's two plus two?
- Um,
- You'll do fine.
Now get in there and find that creature
that's living in the refrigerator,
behind the mayonnaise,
next to the ketchup, and to the left of the coleslaw.
- Right away, Chief.
- Well, he only missed by one.
- (Garfield) The officer disappeared into the house,
and they waited for him.
And waited, and waited.
Finally, 20 minutes later.
- I didn't see him, Chief.
- Let me get this straight.
You didn't see a creature living in the refrigerator,
behind the mayonnaise, next to the ketchup,
and to the left of the coleslaw?
- Oh, to the left of the coleslaw!
- Finally, the superlative cat realized it was up to him.
Down the road he dashed, to the nearest mini-market,
where he hurriedly purchased the one thing that might do it.
He ran back to the house and cautiously made his way inside,
knowing full well that somewhere within
lurked the creature that lived in the refrigerator,
behind the, ah, you know the rest.
All was quiet, until suddenly, it grabbed him!
With magnificent strength,
the cat broke free of its slimy grasp.
But no matter which way he ran, there it was.
Finally, it had the popular cat in its clutches,
and it drew him towards its lair,
in the refrigerator, behind the mayonnaise,
next to the ketchup, and to the left of the coleslaw.
It looked like it was all over for the cat.
But that was when he decided to employ his secret weapon.
Yes, it was a small, open box of baking soda.
(screams)
Every housekeeper knows that a small, open box
of baking soda will keep your refrigerator fresh.
The cat received a special commendation from the police,
as well as from refrigerator manufacturers the world over.
Don't thank me.
Just make certain that every refrigerator in America
has a small, open box of baking soda inside, thank you.
The police were delighted to comply,
and they dispatched their men
to distribute baking soda to every home in the city.
The end?
I wish it were.
But horrifying as it may seem,
there are still refrigerators without
small, open boxes of baking soda in them.
And if you open one, you could find yourself
in one of Garfield's Tales of Scary Stuff.
This has been a public service.
("Ready to Party")