Last Man Standing s05e08 Episode Script

- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Eve.
Hey, look.
Cammy is still here.
Hey, Mr.
Baxter.
How was work? Obviously not too bad if you're getting home now, unless you went to work at, like, midnight.
Then it'd be really bad or at least really long.
You didn't go to work at midnight, did you? Yep, Cammy is still here.
Hey, honey.
How was work? Let's not get that started again.
This has been kind of long for a sleepover.
If this was the ramada inn, she'd be getting bonus points.
She's only been here four days.
Yeah, but four days in a row.
Uh, look, Cammy, honey, we're not trying to cut your visit short or anything, but which would be impossible after four days.
Honey, w-when were you thinking of going home? Oh, um, Eve was supposed to talk to you about this.
I sort of can't go home because my parents are overseas.
What, they go on vacation and just left you here? They moved.
Moved? Yeah, um, her parents are in doctors without borders, and they got called over to Turkey because of all the refugees.
They're just gonna be gone until things settle down in the middle east.
Oh, good, 'cause I thought it would be a while.
I really wanted to finish my senior year at Woodbridge, so I was gonna stay with my great aunt, but she broke her hip.
And you need your hip to take care of a teenager? But my parents said it'd be fine if I stayed here.
Very generous of your parents.
But have you ever been to Turkey? I mean, you might like it.
They have bazaars there.
You'd fit right in in a bazaar.
Dad.
No, no.
I-I-I'm sorry.
I should go.
I'm a horrible burden.
I could just stay in the abandoned bus behind my church.
The guy who pretends to drive it makes everyone beans.
All right, wait, wait, wait.
Take it easy.
Take it easy, Cammy.
Look, no one is saying that you can't stay here, at least until we figure something out.
So, let me make you some tea, and Eve and her dad will have a loud discussion.
Eve, a-are you kidding me? She's my best friend, Dad.
I don't see what the big deal is.
The big deal is you didn't ask us.
What if she's allergic to your bird? I don't have a bird.
That's right.
'Cause you asked us for a bird, but we said no.
So, what makes you think we'd let you have a person? Well, are you just gonna kick her out? Can't we're christians.
And your mom insists on acting like one.
Well, believe or not, she's not always talking.
(Scales play off-key) Oh, yeah.
'Cause when she's not talking, she's playing the oboe.
I just got off the phone with Cammy's parents.
Did you tell them to go to hell for me? You know, it's hard to be mad at people who are doing such heroic work.
I'm finding it very easy.
You know what heroic work is it's taking care of your own children first.
You know, they feel terrible about the way things turned out.
They said they'd send a ticket for Cammy to join them in Turkey.
That's not what we're gonna do.
It's tense enough in that part of the world without her wandering around with that oboe.
Well, they also said she hasn't sent in any college applications.
That kid has no plans after graduation.
Well, if her plan is to stay here, break my hip.
Yeah.
You break mine, I'll break yours.
Done! - So we gonna put the game on? - Yep.
I got real beer and root beer.
Let's do this.
What are we doing? Well, Eve and I are gonna watch the football game.
Oh, I'm in! But I don't know anything about football, so get ready for a lot of questions.
Um, are the Denver horses playing tonight? The Denver broncos.
Uh, broncos are horses.
- I love horses so much.
- Right.
I had one when I was little Duncan.
He was imaginary, but he went everywhere with me.
(Doorbell rings) Oh, that's the doorbell.
Maybe it's a Jehovah's witness, and maybe it's time I gave them a listen.
Look at that the door is wide-open.
Hey, Baxter.
What's up, Larabee? Yeah, I told Carol you needed me to come over here and help you fix something.
What are you trying to get out of? - Cooking class.
- Oh.
And whatever you and I fix today is gonna break on Friday, because Carol's got tickets to a play.
It's about how tough it is to be a skinny, rich white girl, and I'm not gonna see that.
Wow, cooking class Plays yeah.
You know what? I see a tandem bike in your future.
And you're not riding up front.
Yeah.
Ever since Brandon left for college, I've been getting all of Carol's focus, and I've been happily out of focus for 20 years.
Well, we're watching the game.
Who's playing? Wait, I don't care.
(Laughs) I don't even care what sport it is.
Come on.
All right, cool.
Hey, Mr.
Larabee.
Hey! It's Cammy.
Yeah, I heard you were staying over here.
Yes.
This is my home now.
When you when you hear it like that, it really hits you.
Well, we're gonna put the game on, Dad.
Uh, let me get you a cold beer.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hey, hey, wait.
If Cammy is watching the game, I think I'll pass.
We could watch the game in the bus behind the church.
They serve beans.
(Sighs) Carol actually likes Cammy.
Okay.
Yeah, when she was Cammy's Sunday school teacher, she would invite her over to brunch.
It was actually just breakfast, but Cammy would talk us all the way into lunch.
Cammy: Hey, Mr.
Baxter! They're about to do the kick-away! Take me with you.
(Laughs) Have fun, Baxter.
Kristin! (Gasps) I was so happy to get your text.
I have been waiting forever for you to ask me this.
"Need to talk to you about updating wardrobe.
" We are gonna throw out everything you own and finally say goodbye to 1997.
Yeah, uh, we're updating the uniforms for the waitresses, not my clothes.
Ohh Cute top.
Are you interested or not? I mean, I like money, so I guess I could slap something together.
No, I don't want you to slap something together.
I'll have to see a design first.
Three of them, actually that's what the other designers are doing.
Oh, I don't do what other designers do.
I do what my muse tells me to do.
Well, your muse won't be writing the check, Mandy.
I will, okay? So you have to earn it.
I can't just give you preferential treatment.
Yeah, of course not.
What are we, sisters? (Chuckles nervously) Sometimes, I wonder.
Yeah, I'm calling about Cammy Harris.
Uh-huh, she goes to your church, and it looks like she needs a place to stay.
Uh-huh.
No, no I-I don't think she's crazy.
Yes, as a matter of fact, I know a lot of people that have imaginary horses.
Yeah, I get it.
Calm down, I get it.
Stop yelling.
You don't like her.
You've been no help, reverend.
Hey, Baxter.
Uh, are we still on for that thing in your garage tonight? What thing? (Sighs) That thing that'll keep me from going to the skinny-white-girl play.
Turns out it's a musical.
You know, Vanessa tried to get me to do a lot of cultural things.
You know how I got out of it? Took a fart machine to the opera.
Done.
This whole thing is my fault.
Carol wanted more kids after we had Brandon, but I was against it.
If I'd known she was gonna focus all her energy on me, I'd have had 10 more kids.
Yeah.
easier than going to a play.
Listen, I got a project of my own I'm dealing with.
I need some time, if you'll excuse me.
(Sighs) I wish Carol had a project other than me.
Hey, Larabee, Larabee.
What you need is to get away.
What if I sent you to Dallas to check on the security system at our Dallas store? Wow, Baxter, man, you really are doing me a solid.
You know, it's funny every time I think I got you figured out, you surprise me.
Yeah, well, a lot of people say that.
Yeah, they do.
Yeah, they do.
Hey, honey, listen turns out Chuck is heading to Dallas tonight.
Why don't, uh why don't we ask Carol over for dinner? Yeah.
Make sure Cammy is there.
I-I'll explain later.
I love you.
Bye.
Surprise.
I am so proud of the initiative you've taken working on your college essay these last few days.
I just I can't wait to see what you've come up with.
(Clears throat) Mm.
"Why not Cammy?" That's it? Oh, no, that's just the title.
Oh, okay.
Yes, that's it.
Cammy, look, you are running out of time.
These college admissions people, they need to get to know you.
You need to write about something that's meaningful to you, something emotional.
Uh, my cat died.
Oh, that's fantastic.
Good.
I-I mean, sorry.
No, it's that's awful.
But it's emotional, okay? You could write about what you learned from that experience.
I learned that everything you love dies.
All right, that that might be a little dark for Arizona State.
I, uh, I'm gonna get something to drink.
You want something? Uh, yeah, sure, I'll have whatever you're having.
No, you won't.
Cammy? I can't take much more of this, Mike.
I mean, what are we gonna do? It's already done.
I called Carol over for dinner, remember? I don't follow.
Carol likes Cammy, and Chuck said ever since Brandon left for college, she's been looking for a new project, right? Cammy is the mother of all projects.
Do you really think we can just pass our problem onto another person? Well, I'm just I'm asking do you really think we can do this? (Doorbell rings) - We're about ready to find out.
- Okay, all right.
Hey, Dad.
I mean "Mr.
Baxter.
" Oh, another thing for my essay it wasn't just my cat that died.
I had a fish that died, too.
And a mouse, and a bird.
Me and animals, right? Hey, Carol.
Come on in.
Hey, hey.
Oh, hey, Mrs.
Larabee.
Hey, Cammy.
Can I have your coat.
Oh, oh, thanks, guys, for having me over.
I was supposed to go to a play with Chuck, but you packed him off to Dallas.
Oh, he was upset about that.
He wants to make it up to you.
He mentioned something about ballroom dancing.
Carol, it is just so amazingly wonderful of you to come by dial it down.
It's just dinner.
Oh, dinner! Gosh, I haven't even started dinner.
I-I've been so busy with this little angel.
(Chuckles) Trying to get her to focus on her college essay.
Oh.
Essay's not going well.
Well, what have you got so far? Well, it's mostly about dead cats and fish.
It's like it's like a very sad Dr.
Seuss.
Well, pets die.
Nobody cares.
They want to know who you are.
What's the most important thing to you? - Don't think.
Answer.
Go.
- Uh, music.
Okay.
Okay.
You love music.
I want you to write about music for one minute straight, no stopping.
Don't worry about punctuation, grammar, anything.
Just write.
- What if I can't think of any - Go.
Okay.
(Keyboard clacking) Look at that.
Hey, could you get Vanessa to do something? Gosh, Carol.
You are so good with her.
It's just so inspiring.
It's like "to sir, with love.
" You know, y-you're like a black Sidney Poitier.
"Female" no, I meant "female" "female.
" Hey, don't look at me.
She's your friend.
Uh, you know, Carol, it has been so hard to get Cammy to focus since she moved in 'cause of the noise.
It's so noisy around here.
Oh, that's right.
Doors opening and shutting, stairs up, down a-and it's soup season, and my cuisinart is just running, running, running.
Oh, it's, like, non-stop minestrone, clam chowder.
No place for kids.
No place for kids.
Noise.
And stop.
(Snaps fingers) Wow, I didn't think I thought of all that.
Thank you.
Okay.
Oh, well, now we think a little bit about punctuation and grammar.
Uh, I tell you what a little peace and quiet might be good.
Let's take a walk to my house.
Great.
What about dinner? Oh, I have to take a rain check on dinner.
You're not missing much.
All Vanessa had planned was soup and awkward conversation.
I have my key.
What? Mike, that was a brilliant plan! You are a genius.
Ah, you know what they call me the white Albert Einstein.
- Bam! - Oh.
Make out the check to Mandy Baxter designs.
I was having lunch at the Fairmont when inspiration struck, so throw in an extra hundie, 'cause I tip big.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles) Uh, I specifically requested three designs.
What's wrong with this one? You don't like it? Uh, it's nice, but unless you got two others hiding in there, I'm gonna have to remove you from consideration.
What? That's not fair.
It's not fair to the other designers who did what they were asked.
Uh, were they asked to turn in crappy designs? Because that's all I see.
Well, one of these crappy designs is gonna be our new uniform because they did the work.
I will not burst into tears in front of you.
I will not give you that satisfaction.
All right, we should get ready to open here.
Oh, I see your designers have turned in their offerings.
Yeah, most of them.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, let's see.
This is perfect.
That's not in the running.
Yeah, but it's classy with a pinch of frisky.
(Chuckles nervously) (Chuckling) Yeah.
This waitress brings me a nice piece of meat, I'm a happy camper.
Which makes me walk over to the retail area and buy some camping gear, so it makes sense.
Yes, it's good, but the designer didn't do what was asked, and I'd rather work with someone who shows me the proper respect.
Uh-huh, respect you want respect? Go be the queen of england.
You want to be a good manager, sometimes you got to take a kick to the berries.
Or whatever lady berries are called.
Okay, I crossed the line.
Got to go.
Okay.
This is taking too long, Mike.
Nobody can spend an hour and half with Cammy and still want to live with her.
(Sighs) What if this doesn't work? We'll become doctors.
We'll move to Istanbul.
(Doorbell rings) Oh, dear God, that girl can wear you out.
I know her mom and dad.
They're nice folks, but they're kind of hands-off.
They never laid down the law with her.
She needs somebody stronger.
Mike, it's happening.
It's happening.
What's happening? I told her if she just waited a while, the wine would kick in.
Finish what you were gonna say.
Well, I know this is out of the blue, but since she needs a place to stay, could we discuss the idea of Cammy coming to live at our house for a while? (Gasps) Well, we hadn't given that much thought, but, uh I don't know.
I think that's a good idea.
I think so, too.
I'll call her parents.
I just got to run it past Chuck.
You know, Chuck's always said he wished he had more kids, you know? Oh, all right, then.
Well, if Cammy's okay with it, she's moving in with us.
Mm.
(Chuckling) Mike, you did it! You know, I always do it.
I don't know why it surprises people, honey.
You're getting rid of my best friend? I can't believe this, Dad.
You're the worst.
Maybe Carol could take her, too.
(Knock on door) Okay, I'll buy you a new rifle.
Really? You're mad at me even though this is your fault? You're gonna turn into a great woman.
Thanks? Listen, if you wanted Cammy to stay here, you should have asked us.
You would have just said no.
Ask my parakeet.
Listen, she's better off at the Larabees', honey.
Oh, don't pretend that's all that matters to you, Dad.
I'm not.
You know what matters to me is you.
I went through three rolls of quarters last week before I realized you weren't at the batting cage with me.
I'm sorry, but Cammy needed a ride home from band.
And last weekend, we were supposed to go over our fishing-trip itinerary.
We have plenty of time to do all that stuff, Dad.
Yeah, I keep telling myself that, but you're, like, six months away from going to college.
And I don't want to share this time with you with anybody.
I'm not even that happy with your mom being around here.
I know I should have asked you about Cammy.
I-I appreciate that you care about her, and I love that you're a loyal friend.
I really do.
It's not something she has a lot of.
(Sighs) Look, I-if you want to have her here, we can have that discussion, okay? Okay.
Ironically, some sad oboe music would be good right about now.
Well, we're going with your design.
Congratulations.
Hmm.
That's the same half-hearted congratulations I got from the principal when he handed me my diploma.
Once again, Mandy gets rewarded for doing next to nothing.
Uncanny that's exactly what the principal said.
What's your problem? I'm sorry.
It just gets annoying watching you breeze through life without putting in any effort.
What are these? What? Nothing.
No, stop touching things.
These are designs for the uniforms.
Why didn't you turn these in with the other ones? They're just doodles.
What makes you say that they're uniforms? Uh, they have aprons.
Uh Aprons are in.
If you ever let me take you to the mall, I could show you.
You put a lot of work into these.
Ohh.
- I get it.
- What? What do you get? You work really hard.
No, I don't.
I'm a genius.
I throw things together at the last second.
Great designers get inspired.
They don't perspire.
And if they do, it smells Really smart.
Okay, great designer.
Nice work.
Oh, and don't worry your secret is safe.
Thank you, but, hey, um Let's get our stories straight.
So, I came up with the design in, uh, five minutes, and I was pretty drunk.
(Chuckles) Right, right.
Ooh, and you drew on the back of a cocktail napkin.
Ooh, I like that.
Hey.
Hey.
So, I have a problem.
I've loved staying here with you and your folks.
I mean, your parents are so funny the way they act all annoyed.
Yeah, we laugh all day.
But the Larabees want me to stay with them.
And they're great, too.
I mean, Mrs.
Larabee just helped me finish my essay.
What do you think I should do? (Sighs) I think you should live with the Larabees.
Are you sure? I mean, your dad and I have gotten really close.
He might miss me.
No That's okay.
I'll just hang out with him a little more to make up for it.
Cool.
Well, better start packing.
One one-thousand, two one-thousand, break.
(Sighs) I know the rules.
Well, you got your wish.
Peyton Manning is gonna open a barbecue restaurant in our garage? Cammy is going to live with the Larabees.
You wanted us to be able to spend time together, so now we can.
I think it's a good idea, honey.
Yeah, I didn't want you moping around like Obama got a third term.
(Shudders) I still have some stuff left in the dryer.
Hey, can I watch one more game with you guys? Yeah, h Dad is gonna miss you around here.
Don't worry.
I'll be around a lot.
Ehh (Sighs) Baxter.
Hey, Larabee.
How was your trip? You know, the whole flight to Dallas, I was thinking what a nice guy you are.
Yeah.
I'm a prince.
Then I get a call from Carol.
She's agreed to let Cammy stay with us for the next few months.
Well, you and Carol taking care of that poor little white girl is like "blind side" in reverse.
And the whole flight home, I was thinking of different ways I could kill you.
You know, it's a two-hour flight.
I am a marine.
I think you and Carol are gonna be happy that Cammy is at your house.
But, you know, it turns out Cammy's not just a fan of music.
She's also a fan of theater and the arts.
So, Carol's got herself a new project.
In the end, you did me a favor, Baxter.
You are a prince.
You know, not every plan is perfect.