Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s05e08 Episode Script

Hey, Mr.
Busy.
Long time, no see.
Well, to be fair, you knew my name was Mr.
Busy when you agreed to marry me.
Yes, about that.
I'll be keeping my name.
I thought you had the day off today.
Yeah, I had the day off from work-work.
- So, what's this? - This is volunteer work.
I agreed to do a brief for Islamic Assistance International.
Well, when you're done saving the world, then are you free? After volunteer work comes favour work.
I'm folding these flyers for the church rummage sale.
Right, and why isn't Thorne doing that? I offered.
I know it sounds crazy, but he seems even busier than I am.
Come on! Take a break.
These flyers won't fold themselves.
- Why even fold them? - Well, it adds legitimacy.
Important things are folded! You're right, I need a break.
- Mm-hmm.
- Let's go.
Rev.
Thorne: Proverbs six, uhh proverbs five, that is He's been working that sermon for hours.
- He keeps making the same mistake.
- He needs a break too.
Rev.
Thorne: I speak to you today about honesty.
As Thomas Paine says, "Character is much easier kept than recovered.
" And I've learned how true that is.
At least he's not stealing.
That's my tape recorder.
Season 5 Episode 8 Every Thorne Has a Rose I can't believe new Thorne would do that.
Looks like new Thorne is a lot like old Thorne.
Well, maybe he had a perfectly reasonable explanation, something important he had to do.
- Like stealing flowers? - No, not like That is the strangest thing you've ever said to me.
What the heck is he doing? Snooping, eh? - No, of course not.
- No.
No, I'm not judging.
I was snooping on you two.
Why? Cable's out.
So, just go about your business, but if you could, just speak up a bit.
Joe, we are not snooping on Thorne.
Joe: Not anymore.
He just went into the "libary".
He's more interesting to watch than you two.
Sadly, I-I can't go into the "libary".
I'm I'm banned.
- Snooping? - Late fees.
Seven years goes by fast.
- What was the book? - That was the book.
"Seven Years Goes By Fast".
It's, uh, it's a week overdue.
I kind of want to know what he's up to.
No - Hello.
- Move.
- Nice place you have here.
- Move.
Where? Out of my restaurant.
- But I thought you were open.
- Not for you, dressed like that.
Dressed like what? Like a lady of the evening, a harlot.
- Are you calling me a hooker? - That is the one.
Now, please leave.
I am expecting the health inspector.
Actually, that brings me to my business here.
You cannot do your business here.
Do you see a red light? No.
My business is health inspection and I'm here to do a thorough, and I mean thorough inspection of the premises.
What's he doing? I keep asking you that.
Do you expect me to have an answer? No, but What's he doing? Why don't we just ask him? No Rayyan: No, Amaar You want to just ask the liar why he's lying? - You think he'll lie? - It's possible.
Amaar: Books, library Suspicious! "High Speed Flight", "A History of X-Rays".
"Working with Spandex"? Is it possible he's superman? Oh, could have something to do with those flowers.
Rayyan: Look at that.
Garage Sale.
Thorne has a crush on Rose.
Every superman has his kryptonite.
Hey, Fatima.
I'll just have my usual.
No, you will not.
Oh, you're right.
I should try something new.
- How's your chicken salad? - Delicious.
- Can I have that? - No.
Oh, you're right.
I just really want the usu al.
We are closed.
- The health inspector shut me down.
- Why? The kitchen wiring is not up to code, and the ventilation ducts are two centimetres too small.
They shut you down for that? And I may have implied she was a lady of the night.
- Fatima! - It's not my fault! She is the one displaying her bosom all over town.
"Look at me, I have boobies, look at me.
" Oh, well, it's not a lot of work.
A couple of days, tops.
Oh no, I will not hire you.
Friends should not work for friends.
I was not suggesting me.
That that is a recipe for disaster.
So we are both aware it would be a bad idea.
A terrible idea.
Then, as long as we both know, I cannot see the harm.
You're right.
Forewarned is forearmed.
We'll start tomorrow.
Bright and early.
Not one second later.
Rev.
Thorne: I speak to you today about honesty.
Honesty then, in intention, in speech, and in action is the path to Christ.
It is an essential cornerstone of a true Christian's character.
As Thomas Paine said, "Character is much easier " A- a-amen.
Amaar, I was taping that.
Ah.
Since you're actually not doing anything, maybe you can finish folding these flyers.
- What? - Remember our deal? I try and help you become a better person and you actually try and be one.
But it's so hard.
You know, my heart just isn't in it.
No, your heart is at the library.
How do you know about the library? Did Joe tell you? I thought he was banned.
I saw you staring at Rose.
What? Oh no, no, no She's so beautiful.
She's a vision in sensible footwear.
Ah her face, her hands, her smile - Yes, she has all her parts.
- And she's so smart.
You know, last week she told Mrs.
Wispinski that the autobiographies were in the 921s, not the 923s.
I was swooning.
Wow.
Thorne in love.
I never would have guessed it.
What, you think I have no feelings? I'll have you know that I cried myself to sleep when I was kicked off the debate team.
I had a habit of saying "touché" too much.
Okay, so you like her.
But if you were planning on getting her flowers Ah, no, it hadn't crossed my mind.
You should probably pay for them.
What are you, Magnolia P.
I.
? Any other advice? Just follow your heart.
Ah, touché.
How you doing up there, Yousef? You okay? Oh, oh-oh, careful there.
Okay, good.
This work seems to be going so well.
Oh, I told you it wasn't a big job.
We just had to open up a few walls.
And Yousef can handle the ducts.
Yousef like duck.
Yeah.
Wiring.
You have all been working so hard, it is time for a break.
Sarah: Oh, that is so sweet.
Oh, but the boys don't have time.
Yousef: Break! Well, okay, why not? Breaks are good too.
Ohh, Fatima, this is so nice of you.
I can't believe you're giving the guys lunch.
Nonsense.
It is what I do.
Give away food? Actually, I think this is the first time.
And what you do is work on buildings.
- Right.
- So while you are in the kitchen, could you do one more thing for me? - This is 12 things.
- Yes, but it is one list.
"Replace tiles on kitchen wall.
Replace metal backsplash " Yes, yes, no need to read out loud.
I know what it says.
This is a lot of stuff.
Good point.
Break is over.
Back to work! Nice sermon.
- You always give such great advice.
- Thank you.
- Oh, I, uh, spoke to Thorne.
- What did you tell him? Well, I told him to follow his heart.
Follow his heart? That's terrible advice! Well, it was either that or wish upon a star.
This isn't funny.
Look, he's a grown man, he likes her, they're not Muslim, he's in the clear.
Rose is my friend.
She's vulnerable, she's sweet, - a little weird.
- Thorne is vulnerable.
Did you know he cried when he got kicked off the debating team.
- Touché.
- I just told him to follow his heart.
That's not like following a human heart.
That's like following an orc heart to Mordor.
I had no idea.
That Rose was my friend? No, that you're such a "Lord of the Rings" nerd.
Just tell him to un-follow his heart.
It's not my place to interfere.
Hmm, then I guess it's mine.
I will protect her precious heart.
So precious.
They were brilliant films, okay? Nerd alert! There, whew! We're all done except for a little bit of wiring.
Oh, and Yousef's almost done that.
Wonderful.
Here you go.
Pecan pie wow! Because you have done such a good job, and you are such a good friend.
And you know what? You've been so great, I took 10% off your bill.
I call it the friendly friend discount.
- That is ridiculous! - Oh, I know, I should just call it the friend discount.
But it is still much more than we discussed.
Well, after everything you added it's more than reasonable.
But I gave you food! I never give food.
We I thought it was a gift.
Yes, the kind of gift that gets me something in return of equal or greater value.
You know, a gift.
It's not personal, it's just business.
Now it's personal.
Reverend, we need to talk.
Not now, Rayyan, I'm following my heart.
Yeah, I know what you're about to do and it's wrong.
Wha oh, roses for a girl named Rose? I know.
But the only daisies in town are outside and I promised Amaar I wouldn't steal anymore.
You're right.
To hell with Amaar.
Oh, wait, Reverend.
Rose is so sweet.
That's putting it mildly.
And she's simple.
She's honest.
- She's Lutheran.
- Actually, that won't be an obstacle.
William of Orange was a Lutheran and he became head of the Anglican Church.
- Really? - Yeah.
Read a book.
Ideally, uh, this one.
My point is, Rose is a small town girl, she's never even been beyond Saskatoon.
And you're a big city guy who's always looking for an angle.
So you're saying I'm wrong for her? Dead wrong.
- Because she's - So sweet.
- And I'm - You.
Touché.
And once again I'm off the team.
- You see, don't you? - Of course.
What was I thinking? I'm beneath her.
I'm the dirt she treads upon.
No, no, no, I'm less than dirt.
I'm sub-dirt.
Worms shun me.
Oh, I wouldn't say sub-dirt.
You're too kind.
Rayyan Hamoudi, I want to thank you for keeping me from making a complete fool of myself.
Oh! Oh, no.
Did Reverend Cutey run off again? - Uh, yeah.
- Silly me.
I keep thinking he's going to ask me out.
But that's my brain, rich fantasy life.
As if someone like that would ask a girl like me out.
You like him? Of course! Who wouldn't? He's gorgeous, smart, a bit of a bad boy.
Anglican.
Wasn't a problem for William of Orange.
I've heard that.
But back to reality.
There are plenty more men in Mercy.
There's old man Caruthers.
His wife just passed.
Then there's young Caruthers, his wife just passed too.
Actually, I should probably steer clear of the Caruthers.
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't worry.
It's not your fault.
How I wish that were true.
Amaar: So Rose actually - wanted Thorne to ask her out? - Yes.
- But you talked him out of it.
- Maybe.
So now they're both unhappy? What are you getting at? I think there's a lesson to be learned here.
I know, I know.
- Never interfere.
- Exactly.
But - if you do interfere, - Which you shouldn't.
be prepared to go all the way.
Rayyan, that's not it at all.
- Where are you going? - I have to talk to Thorne! I'm going to convince him to ask her out.
- No, but you just said - Don't interfere, Amaar! Have you learned nothing? Obviously not.
Hi, Reverend.
Are you okay? Never better.
I'm just doing a little desktop sadness yoga.
It's very popular in Toronto.
- You're upset.
- Upset? No! Upset would be a beautiful dream.
I feel nothing now Ah, ahh, except for pain.
I'm lying on my stapler.
About Rose Don't say that name! I never want to hear that name again.
In fact, here, take these, um sadness blossoms, and get out of here.
They make me think of Rose.
Ah! I said it.
- I think you should ask her out.
- Who? - Sadness blossom.
- What the hell are you talking about? Rose! Really? Why didn't you say something? Off I go.
Uh, I appear to have stapled myself to the desk.
- Hello, Sarah.
- Hi, Fatima, I'm glad you dropped by.
Would you Would you like some tea? No, thank you.
I did not bring my wallet.
Oh, don't be like that.
- Who charges their friends for tea? - I do.
- What's this? - It is a bill for the food you and your workers ate.
- But - Now finish my wiring, pay my bill, and get out! What? Oh, I usually have these conversations at my café.
How'd you talk me into this again? I told you to do it.
You are good.
Okay, there she is.
Just go for it.
- Okay.
- Oh, and Reverend, be nice, but not earnest.
- Okay.
- Oh, and be funny, but not glib.
- Okay.
- Ooh, and be charming, but not smarmy.
A- Anything else? Quit stalling and get out there! Okay I I can't, I can't.
I- I I'm overthinking it.
I I don't know what to say.
Okay, okay, you you just need an ice-breaker.
- Here, take these books out - Great.
and the rest will come naturally.
Okay, all right, be nice, be nice.
Next.
Oh, it's you.
I mean, you know who you are.
I'm me, you're you.
Oh, hello you from me.
Hahh I need these books for a short time.
And then I would like to return them so that someone else might enjoy them.
Because I'm nice.
Oh.
You've got a lot of books here.
Yes, I'm a very avid reader.
"The Extraordinary Adventures of Princess Pinky, the Protective Pony".
Her adventures are pretty extraordinary.
"Bathing the Elderly".
Well, don't let those wrinkles fool you.
They are very slippery.
Hitler's "Mein Kampf" in the original German.
What section was I in? Uh, I'm going.
Ah Oh no, I blew it.
"I'm me"? What was I thinking? He knows that! You didn't blow it, I did.
But I'm going to make it up to you.
Rev.
Thorne: She loves me not.
She loves me not.
Loves me not.
She loves me not.
She loves me not.
She loves me not.
Not.
She loves me not.
She loves me not.
She loves me not What happened to "she loves me"? Ah, this flower didn't come with any.
I know things may seem bad now, but I know, I know.
They could get worse.
I was actually going to say better.
You need to get your mind off this.
Uh, read a book.
Yes! Why don't I go to the library? Ah, no, sorry.
Look, better idea: let's, uh, grab a couple of pizzas, some video games, just you and me, old-fashioned guy's night.
Oh, Rayyan.
Ah, perfect, a whole evening with you and Rayyan to remind me that I don't stand a chance with Rose! - R - Surprise! I brought a guest.
I hope you don't mind.
I don't mind, I don't mind.
Ah, hello.
Y ah, that's weird.
- Ah, won't you come in? - Oh, I am in.
Yeah-h! Yes In you are.
She's in, she's in.
Ahh, why am I laughing? These are for you.
I'll put them in water for you.
Can you believe Fatima? - Friends shouldn't work for friends.
- I worked for you for years.
And I underpaid you horribly.
Have you learned nothing? You're right.
What can I do? Well, the way I see it, you've got three options.
I'm listening.
One: fake your own death.
That's your solution for everything.
Okay.
- Two: fake Fatima's death.
- How can that help? Okay, three and stay with me, this one's a little out there.
You'll need a parrot, a slingshot a box of powdered milk, 2%, don't skimp.
- I've got it! - Good, 'cause I got nothing.
I was just treading water there! I'll offer to pay her.
I'll be the bigger person.
Ah, take the high road.
That'll shame her into tearing up my tab and paying me what she owed me in the first place.
And I thought my idea was crazy.
There you go, Fatima, your bill paid in full.
Now, is there something you'd like to give me? Of course.
You are right.
Here is your receipt.
What about the money you owe me? I do not pay extortion.
Fine then! Are you not going to finish my wiring? Of course not! Then it wouldn't be extortion! So Rose, what do you like to do? I love collecting books.
Ooh, books, that's a little solitary.
Really? I was drawn to the church by my my love of reading.
Mmm, we all love books, but don't you like anything else? Like candlelight dinners or long moonlit walks? I- I actually kind of fear the moon.
You're selenophobic too? Let's leave phobias for another time.
Hobbies! Everyone has hobbies! Oh, well, I make miniature dollhouse furniture.
I make miniature railroads.
What scale do you use? - 1/16th.
- 1/16th! Guys, can we focus? We're sort of all over the place here.
- Now - Amaar: Uh, Rayyan, can I see you in here for a second, please? Excuse me.
Sorry.
This is a disaster.
And why do you suppose that is? The doll thing? The moon phobia? There's a lot working against me here.
You're trying way too hard.
I have to try.
Otherwise, how are they going to connect? On their own, if you give them a chance.
You're the problem.
This is what happens when you interfere.
You're right.
We could play the board game I brought.
No more interfering.
A board game isn't interfering.
Unless you play Meddling.
- They left.
- Oh, great.
Now I have to leave too.
And I was really looking forward to Meddling.
Can you even hear yourself? So, you agree with me? - Fatima's being outrageous.
- Look, Sarah, I don't think I can get in the middle of a business dispute.
No, no, but it's not just about business.
Fatima's a friend of mine.
Okay.
If there was a fire and you had the choice between saving a pile of money or saving your friend, which would you choose? Oh, I love riddles.
Um, I would carry the friend, and the friend would carry the money.
If you could just pick one.
How many other friends do I have? - Sarah.
- I know.
Oh, here is the extortionist.
You are not getting paid a dime until you finish my wiring.
You heard her, Yousef.
The wiring.
But if you think I'm going to pay everything you asked me for No, no.
Pay what you think is fair.
What I think is fair? That is not fair! What? Usually, I haggle to make sure it is not a fair price.
But since you're being so reasonable Here.
This is the full price.
Which is fair.
And that is why I will never do business with a friend again.
Does this mean we're still friends? Absolutely.
Here, have a brownie.
Ohh - That will be $2.
- That seems fair.
- It does? - Mm-hmm.
I will have to raise my price.
Go ahead, say it.
You told me so.
I told you so.
I can't believe you would say that.
You know, I feel really badly about interfering.
- Both times.
- You actually interfered three times.
Yeah, but I thought the middle one was going to work.
And you see what happens when you don't interfere? I can't believe it.
Left to their own devices, they actually got together.
Right.
- Although I did tell Thorne to talk to her.
- Okay.
- And I did push Rose to go for him.
- True.
And I did plan their whole date night.
And despite all that nature finally took its course.
Hmm.
Just think.
Soon, that'll be us.
Hmm, they've only been together a few hours and they're already at Muslim third base.
I know, can you believe me too? Today's been a great day for snooping.