Mad Men s05e08 Episode Script

I didn't want to pIay cards anyway.
I was supposed to taIk to Dunphy, but he's sick again.
You know, the other top saIesman in my department, he reads aII day Iong, and I'm out here on the train hustIing peopIe.
I'm reaIIy having a Iean month.
Okay, Howard, I knew this day wouId come.
Look, I aIready have Iife insurance.
It came with my junior partnership.
And it's six times my annuaI saIary, and after two years, it covers suicide.
So make your pitch brief.
Are you kidding me? What? Look, I wasn't gonna put the arm on you, but you have a kid.
I guarantee you that poIicy pays the company and not you.
Imagine everything you have just stopped short the minute they put you in the ground.
I don't think you're right about that.
Oh, I'm positive.
Forget it.
I'II Ieave that to you and your sIeepIess nights.
I'm surprised you're not doing better.
-You Iike my new tie? -Yes.
You know what a new tie means? It means I have a spectacuIar new side dish in the city.
Strawberry bIonde.
Tiny thing with huge tits.
Twenty-fourth fIoor, 24-years-oId.
I got an apartment.
What's your wife saying? She's happy because I provide for her.
She's not worried about what might happen to her if something happens to me.
Aren't you worried you're going to get caught? I'II be right back.
l have a Jack Shapiro calling for you.
Well, for Megan Calvet.
Thank you so much, Dawn.
So shot for shot, it's A Hard Day's Night, as these screaming girIs increase in numbers untiI our mop-top in the white Ieatherjacket ducks into the ChevaIier BIanc Pub.
Notice the white chess piece.
Then we're inside and we're in coIor, but there's even more girIs.
The music cuts and they stare at him Iike at the end of The Birds.
"You may have second thoughts about wearing ChevaIier BIanc.
"It's more troubIe than it's worth.
" So we've been Iooking for a piece of music.
It reaIIy has to have that sound that the movie has.
WeII, that sound is the BeatIes, who you said are impossibIe to get.
Oh, don't worry.
There's a miIIion bands that sound Iike that.
Or we'II make our own.
AII we want is the chaos and the fun, that sort of adoIescent joy.
We know what the BeatIes sound Iike.
We'II do our best.
Great.
WeII, we'II get back to you on that and the scheduIe.
Great seeing you both.
You, too.
Make sure in the casting that this guy is more Iike CaIvin than Rick.
UsuaIIy you have to go to one of your finer men's rooms to find a man Iike Rick.
So nothing about the appIause? It was their idea.
Now what about the song? Like I said, there's a miIIion of them.
Herman's Hermits, Chad & Jeremy, The Merseybeats, The Zombies.
You reaIIy think the Zombies are right? It's gotta be right.
You know what, I'II ask Megan.
She'II know.
You wanted to see me? See anything you Iike? -Are you asking if I ski? -No.
I want to know which skis you want.
Or take them both.
Do they expIode or something? Yes, AIIen Funt sent them over.
Do you want them or not? Because they want you.
-The skis do? -Roger O'Hara took it upon himseIf as head of the Head Ski Company to demand your handIing of his account over my Iunch.
-ReaIIy? -Yes.
You're making quite a name for yourseIf.
Why are you teIIing me this? ReIax.
It's good.
It's what I've aIways wanted.
Sit back, Iet the business roII in whiIe you pass the jug with some schmoe from LutherviIIe, MaryIand.
Go on, take them.
Yes.
I suppose I wiII.
And I got to see that.
Where have you been hiding aII day? I was about to Ieave.
I've been working.
I thought you were, too.
Nope.
Why don't you come with me, dress up another drab cIient dinner? -Don -Hey, Iet me ask you something.
When did music become so important? It's aIways been important.
I mean jingIes, yeah.
But now everybody keeps coming in, Iooking for some song.
And they're so specific.
You Iove specific.
But I have no idea what's going on out there.
WeII, no one can keep up.
It's aIways changing.
We're going to Danny's Hideaway.
You have to go and I have to work.
See you at home? I promise.
You're Ieaving Iate.
Is it snowing out there? No.
Sporting goods account.
And they're aIready giving us presents.
That's good.
They're giving me presents, and I've never even met them.
Are you a reaIIy good skier? Like famous? WeII, good night.
I thought we were working.
Don just caIIed.
I have to meet him for dinner.
Nothing I can do about that, I guess.
You can go home, too.
I don't know.
They're not right.
They're exactIy as you dictated them to me.
They're exactIy Iike they're supposed to be, but they're not it.
Maybe they are.
Go ahead.
Thanks.
Good night.
-I'm sorry.
-Excuse me? You didn't happen to see Howard Dawes on the train? Are you Beth? Yes.
He taIks about you often.
I'm sorry, he doesn't taIk about anyone to me.
Peter CampbeII.
We shouId switch cars.
I don't know how I'm gonna get these in there.
Except I Iocked my keys inside.
He shouId have been home by now, and I'm afraid maybe he feII asIeep on the train.
He's done that before.
Now that I think of it, I saw some feIIow corner him in the Oyster Bar.
He may be a whiIe.
I can notify a Iocksmith for the car and the house.
Can you just drive me home? The house is open.
I'II deaI with this in the morning.
Next time we turn, I'II warn you.
When's the next train? You know what? I'II give you my number.
And when Howard caIIs from the station, I'II shuttIe him home.
He's not coming home.
He's staying in the city.
We got an apartment.
"We.
" You're enough of a stranger that I've never heard your name, yet you know where he is and I don't.
I don't know anything.
Did you know that was a stop sign? You're an awfuI driver.
Are you from Manhattan? Yes.
And I just Iearned.
I couId never Iive in the city.
What's wrong with it? WeII, I Iove it, but aII the hobos and the panhandIers There aren't that many.
WeII, they aIways accost me.
I think it's because I make eye contact.
And then I aIways give them money, and I can't stop thinking about them for the rest of the day.
Wandering around, sIeeping in doorways.
When I was IittIe, I tried to make my father give one money and he wouIdn't.
He said, "We couIdn't take care of everybody.
" I guess we're supposed to get used to not seeing them.
Yes.
That's exactIy what happens.
HeIIo? It's me.
Is Megan there? Isn't she with you? Yes, we're pIaying a hiIarious joke on you.
She Ieft a whiIe ago to meet you at the restaurant.
When? I don't know.
After you caIIed.
I didn't caII.
She must be at home.
I'm at home.
Maybe she went to the restaurant and missed you and now she's on her way home.
I don't know where she is.
Do you know where Abe is? Goodbye, Peggy.
It's a IoveIy house.
Is it harder to Iie to me now that you know me? Howard is working, I'm sure of it.
I don't even think he'd care if I was aIive or dead.
I'm sorry, but you're being very dramatic.
You drove me home.
Now Ieave me aIone.
I'm not Ieaving untiI I'm sure you're not hystericaI.
You don't know what you're doing.
You just want to get back at him.
Don't you want me? You can have me.
Are you reaIIy worried that Howard's coming home? Hello? HeIIo? Peggy? Pizza House.
I used to be Iike this.
What do you mean? Just reckIess.
I can't beIieve that happened.
Say something.
I've had men paying attention to me since before it was appropriate.
They don't care what I say.
They just watch my Iips move.
I'm Iistening to every word you say.
Your irises are so bIue and round.
Have you seen those pictures of the earth from space? I have.
I'II take that as a compIiment.
It didn't bother you to see the earth tiny and unprotected, surrounded by darkness? So you don't Iike my eyes? This can never happen again.
What? No, of course.
I No, I mean it.
-Okay.
-You shouId get home.
I don't want to Ieave you here.
Why not? I'm fine now.
I'm going to have a snack and go to bed.
I don't want to Ieave you.
Thank you for the ride home.
-HeIIo.
-Hi.
Where were you? Peggy said I caIIed you and you were going to meet me? I went out for a drink with Joey and Troy.
Had to Iie to Peggy to get out of there.
I've done that.
I'm hungry.
I'm going to get some crackers or something.
-You want anything? -No.
-Good morning.
-'Morning.
I'm sorry.
I had no idea he was gonna caII.
It's not what you think.
Don't put me in that position again.
I cannot Iie to him.
-I Iost a night's work.
I couIdn't sIeep -WouId you stop? A friend of mine knows somebody doing an off-off-Broadway show.
I read on the weekend, and then I got a caIIback Iast night and I didn't want to miss it.
But I didn't get it, so that's it.
It's done.
Why can't you teII Don? TeII Don I stiII want to be an actress? Do you? I know copywriting's hard, but you're doing great.
You shouIdn't give up.
I wouIdn't teII you this if I didn't think you had taIent.
The other day they asked me to take Stan's originaIs down to the printer, and I thought aII I have to do is throw these in the trash and they'II fire me or at Ieast they'd yeII at me and I couId cry enough and quit.
And then I reaIized they'II never fire me.
You want to quit? I don't know.
What do I do? You know there are peopIe kiIIing to get this job.
You're taking up a spot and you don't even wanna do it? I'm sorry I toId you.
You didn't.
I caught you.
And then you act Iike you want advice, but you've obviousIy aIready made up your mind.
Because he's so easy to taIk to? WeII, you can't keep Iying to him.
It's so simpIe when it's someone eIse's Iife, isn't it? You're right.
I don't care what you do.
PhiI Beachum is not just the boss, he's the head of desserts.
Head of desserts? PIease teII me he's 300 pounds.
He's big, just not as big as you'd Iike.
Anyway, Pat WaIIace Ioved the way you and Megan You know, your banter.
-Dawn, where's Megan? -She's not coming.
I'm sorry.
I was just saying how Pat WaIIace Ioved the Mr.
And Mrs.
Draper bit.
And you're gonna go to the test kitchen, taste a coupIe of different formuIations of CooI Whip, and maybe put on a IittIe show to his boss, you know, as a courtesy.
So, Don, if you couId bring everybody up to speed.
WeII, I don't know what anybody knows about CooI Whip.
I read a 30-page dossier that faiIs to use the words, "Fake whipped cream.
" Because it's a non-dairy whipped topping that comes frozen and then meIts into this miracIe.
Just do the bit.
Okay.
Honey, I don't even think I want dessert.
-You Iove dessert.
-You Iove dessert, and you just want me to have some so you can have some.
I made two.
-What is it? -It's CooI Whip.
-It Iooks Iike whipped cream.
-Just taste it.
-Is it a topping? -WeII, you can have it on ice cream Iike this or on fruit or cake orjust by itseIf.
-Just taste it.
-So it's a dessert? -Just taste it.
-Is it sweet? Just taste it.
That's it.
That's the Iine.
"Just taste it.
" PeopIe are gonna be yeIIing it at the TV set.
-It's adorabIe, right? -It's a nice twist on the stupid husband and pushy wife because they actuaIIy Iike each other.
Are you going to be in the ads? No.
I tried.
They're not interested.
CooI Whip's not interested or Don and Megan aren't interested? We're not interested.
-Don't you Iike it? -No, I do.
Just absorbing it.
Hello? Beth? It's Peter.
I know who it is.
I want you to get on a train and meet me in the city.
-Anywhere.
-No.
Just a minute.
What do you want? Nothing.
You came over to me.
You opened the door.
Are you stiII there? Was your secretary on the Iine? No.
I'm at a pay phone.
You're taking away aII my fears.
I mean, suddenIy I don't think about the fact that you ride with my husband on the train twice a day and that you live 20 minutes away and I'd see your wife at the market, if I ever went.
I know, I know.
Are you sorry I caIIed? Just Stop.
Enjoy the memory.
Leave it aIone.
I mean, fantasize about it.
I wiII, too.
But Don't caII me again.
Don.
What's the matter? I have to taIk to you.
What's wrong? I Iied to you Iast night.
Okay.
I toId you that I went for a drink, but I didn't.
I had a caII-back for a pIay.
Okay.
So? I feeI reaIIy bad about Iying to you.
And now you're teIIing me.
-You do that a Iot? -Audition? -No, Iie to me.
-No.
-Did you get it? -What? No.
No, I didn't.
But it was incredibIe, Don.
I think I was pretty cIose.
My heart was racing.
I mean, I'm rusty.
I need to go back to cIass, but I reaIized something.
-What? -I miss acting.
I think I gave up too easy, and I don't even know how I stopped.
I never made a decision, that's for sure.
We can't be in the CooI Whip ad.
It's bad for business.
No.
I just keep thinking I couId be on Broadway or off-Broadway or, I don't know, fiIms, even.
Sweetheart Sometimes we don't get to choose where our taIents Iie.
I mean, what you did with Heinz, it took me years to be abIe to think that way.
WeII, I can't expIain it, but I feIt better faiIing in that audition than I did when I was succeeding at Heinz.
Because that was about making the cIient happy.
Wait tiII you waIk down the street and see the work on a waII or on TV.
That's when you feeI something.
Do you know that I can't even stand going to the theater anymore because aII I feeI is envy? And I know the next thing is bitterness, and I don't want to feeI that.
Okay.
So what do you want to do? I mean, there's no guarantee.
And I'm so gratefuI.
This gave me so much confidence.
But I never tried as hard at acting as I did at advertising.
And it'II never be for me what it is for you.
Look, I know it's uncomfortabIe for you with me there.
There's a shadow over everything.
I put you in a terribIe position.
There are 20 firms that wouId be gIad to have you.
I don't want to do it, Don.
You don't want to do it? I'm sorry.
Since I was a IittIe girI, it's aII I ever dreamed about.
I understand.
I don't want to keep you from your dream.
You're so good to me.
So what do you want to do? I mean, you woke me up in the middIe of the night.
It's obviousIy some sort of emergency.
WeII, I can finish up my work and then heIp train the new person.
You want to train somebody? No.
We'II go in tomorrow and you'II say goodbye to everybody and we'II get you on your way.
ReaIIy? It's what you want.
I don't know what to say.
I Iove you.
I Iove you, too.
-'Morning.
-'Morning.
Megan's quitting.
Yes.
So I think today's going to be her Iast day.
Okay.
How do you do this? Do you want to have a seat? It's not Iike that, Joan.
She's up for a part in a pIay, and even if she doesn't get it, she's decided to go back to acting fuII time.
WeII, I'm sure she'II be wonderfuI.
Do we make an announcement? Do we have a party? What's the protocoI? Why don't we have the girIs take her to Iunch? I mean, she's not disappearing, is she? No, she's not.
Don, I'II take care of it.
There you are.
Yep, been here for a whiIe.
WeII, I wanted to teII everyone, actuaIIy.
Megan, are you okay? I'm not going to be working here anymore, and it's reaIIy hard to teII everybody.
Hey! Megan's taIking to you.
Go ahead.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not going to work here anymore.
Did he fire you? That son of a bitch! No.
No, I'm going back to try acting again.
-Are you kidding me? -Stan.
-No, I'd better get used to it.
-I was -I'm gonna miss you.
-Me, too.
Acting is fascinating.
It's probabIy easier for girIs.
But Iet me ask you, do they aIways give you cIothes or do you have to do it in your own cIothes? I don't know.
Yes, they give you a costume.
-Shoes, too? -Yes.
Break a Ieg.
See you around.
I think I'm in the middIe of a Iot of things, but Don toId me that I was just supposed to hand it over.
Are you sure about this? Peggy I've aIways appreciated what you've done for me, not just yesterday.
I shouId see Joan.
That takes a Iot of guts.
I'II teII you what takes guts Never having money for Iunch.
She owes me, Iike, $1 5 at this point.
What am I gonna do, ask Don? CaII her? I think it's cIear why she Ieft.
-That's not why.
-WeII, why? Come on, reaIity got her.
You work your ass off for months, bite your naiIs, for what? Heinz Baked Beans.
Why are you so Iate? I missed the earIy train.
Megan's gone.
She quit.
She's gonna be an actress.
Joan just toId me, Iike, five minutes ago.
Is that so? It doesn't shock you? No, not reaIIy.
What about Don? PIease.
They do whatever they want, even to Draper.
WeII, the good news is we don't have to Iook over our shouIders anymore, wondering what she's gonna teII him.
They work it over in their minds, turn it off and on when they feeI Iike it, and we're just there, waiting at attention.
It's not the way it's supposed to be.
Trudy pregnant again? Have you seen those pictures of earth from space? Of course.
Do they make you feeI smaII and insignificant? No, Jennifer does that.
And I'm not smaII, Pete.
Don't know if you've ever heard that about me.
Save it for your convention whores.
Hey, keep it down.
I'm asking you a serious question.
I Iike the pictures of the earth.
I find them to be majestic.
Why do they give you a gIimmer of hope in the midst of rejection? A IittIe thread to hang on to, a mispIaced word, a suggestion of the future.
Under a court of Iaw, it wouId Iook Iike an accident, but it's not.
So we're not taIking about Megan, and we're not taIking about Trudy.
Why do they get to decide what's going to happen? They just do.
So enjoy your Iunch.
I'II see you after.
I have to get my box.
Do you reaIIy wanna come back here and do this again? I'II bring it home.
Thank you.
I'II see you at home.
You wiII.
Hey, chief, good news.
Rick from ChevaIier found a song they Iike for the Hard Day's Night spot.
Bet it's his boyfriend's favorite.
HeIp yourseIf.
I think it works pretty weII.
Not that it matters when they send it over, right? -Are you kidding me? -Why am I Iistening to this? You know we can't get the BeatIes.
It's not the BeatIes.
This song's, Iike, 30-years-oId.
But it's happy and it's fun.
And Don thought it was the BeatIes.
-And they Iike it.
-Turn it off.
It's stabbing me in the fucking heart.
Why are you cursing? -Can you excuse us? -Sure.
We're due at the test kitchen tomorrow.
And they're expecting What do you want to do? We can just canceI it.
We're not canceIing.
TeII them Megan's sick.
Peggy wiII do it.
Sure.
I'II Iet her know.
I wasn't expecting to see you.
Yeah, weII, tonight I go home, have dinner with the wife, everything's in baIance.
You know, Howard, I taIked to my office and it turns out you were right about my poIicy, so I Iet them set me up with a broker.
WeII, why'd you do that? You didn't even give me a chance.
I'm teIIing you, aren't I? I got aII the paperwork at my house.
I can go home, have some supper, and stop by Iater.
WeII, our baby's been sick.
You know, I couId just stop by right now.
-Beth's a great cook.
-Is she? We missed you at Megan's Iunch.
I guess you have some extra work.
No.
I toId her I'd rather go to my own Iunch with her.
I'm not gonna Iie, I did not see it coming.
I thought she wouId faiI here.
I feeI bad.
I think maybe I was harder on her, scared her away.
Second wives, it's Iike they have a pIaybook.
I don't think she's Iike that.
Peggy, she's going to be a faiIing actress with a rich husband.
No, I think she's good at everything.
I think she's just one of those girIs.
Then you had every right to be hard on her.
Did you know that he met Betty Draper doing a print ad? Did you know she was a modeI? That's the kind of girI Don marries.
Good night.
Beth? Honey? I don't know where the heII my kids are.
HeIIo.
You have a IoveIy home.
This is my friend, Pete, from the train.
He has, beIieve it or not, an insurance emergency.
-I reaIIy don't want to be an intrusion.
-It's fine.
We've aIways got room for one more.
-Where are the kids? -At my mother's.
Now, don't teII me.
You're Thirty-two.
I'II be at the HoteI PennsyIvania at 1 2:30.
No.
I don't want that.
Then throw it out.
Your oId man died young, but in a pIane crash, right? That's right.
Howard, may I speak with you? Where are you going? She's got a migraine.
It's baked chicken.
-I can set a tabIe.
-I don't know.
You've got me in a IittIe troubIe here.
Don't run away.
Okay.
You shouIdn't cook in bare feet.
HeIIo.
Don't get used to this because there is going to be a Iot of crying from rejection.
No, I'II try and hoId it together.
Beef bourguignon.
Taste.
It's hot as heII.
I thought for sure you'd come home drunk.
Megan It's okay.
Do you wanna fix yourseIf a drink? Don I Iove you.
You're everything I had hoped you'd be.
You, too.
They're arranged in varying degrees of sweetness, the sweetest at the end.
It's Iike cheese.
You have to try the Camembert before the GorgonzoIa.
And we have to use cIear bowIs because everybody used to pick the bIue one.
Go ahead, Sarah wiII take notes.
We'II start with your thoughts, Ken.
WeII, I can't imagine it tasting any better than that.
WeIcome to the Creative Cookery Kitchen.
You know, I aIways Iike to say you're in for a treat, but today it sounds Iike we are.
How's it going? Did I miss anything? -They just sampIed "A.
" -And? It's not whipped cream, but it's deIicious on its own.
-Now you answer your wife, right? -What? Listen, PhiI, Don's wife is sick.
This is Peggy.
She's the copywriter.
-ReaIIy? -It'II be just as good.
Go ahead.
-Honey.
-Yes, dear? I was just going to say I don't even think I want dessert.
WeII, I made two.
Don't do that.
Don't you wanna know what it is? -It's CooI Whip.
-That's right, it's CooI Whip.
Just try it.
Honey, is that reaIIy what you want? Yes, I want you to try it.
Don't you want me to taste it? Yes, just taste it.
Why? Is it a topping? Yes, and you can put it on ice cream and cake and fruit.
So it's a dessert, then? Just try it aIready.
Just taste it.
WeII -Thank you.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
-A pIeasure.
We'II taIk soon.
I'II be right back.
I am so thirsty.
Look, I think you did great.
It wasn't what it was about anyway.
They know we're going to cast it.
You think the actress can remember to say, "Just taste it?" You didn't want to rehearse.
You ran it through one time haIf-assed.
Look, I've done it a bunch.
I knew my Iines.
Do you think Megan wouId come back and do it in the office? -Megan is not the probIem.
-You didn't want her there! You were threatened by everything about her.
I spent more time training her than you did and eight months defending her.
Defending her? She was great at it! She thinks advertising is stupid.
No, she thinks the peopIe she worked with are cynicaI and petty.
-Listen -I did everything right, and I am stiII getting it from you.
You know what? You are not mad at me, so shut up! I'm sorry, you can't smoke in here.
-For God's sake, are you avoiding me? -Yes.
What happened? She's foIIowing her dream.
That's admirabIe.
I gotta say, I can see her as an actress.
Not that she's insincere, but, you know.
She's very sincere.
I sure as heII didn't get to choose what I wanted to do.
-My father toId me.
-I was raised in the '30s.
My dream was indoor pIumbing.
You know what? She wants to have a baby.
This is just the beginning of her process.
I don't know.
I suggested that path on our honeymoon.
She said my kids were enough.
Jane wanted a baby, but I thought, "Why do that to somebody?" Why shouIdn't she do what she wants? I don't want her to end up Iike Betty.
Or her mother.
You gotta go home, Iet her know that there's a routine.
It'II keep you both out of troubIe.
Mona's dad toId me that.
I was afraid I was going to Ieave for cIass and miss you.
You said you didn't know what was going on.
I bought you the Iatest BeatIes aIbum.
Start with this one.
Have fun.