Moonlighting s05e08 Episode Script
Those Lips, Those Lies
Hold it.
Hold it.
Where's AI? Where's he at? -Anybody seen AI Jarreau? -David.
We're ready to start the show.
We can't start without the theme music and Al's not here.
-Really? -Yes, really.
That's not like AI.
Seen him? Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Did someone tell AI about the move to Sunday night? The lady asked a question.
That's a negative, Miss Hayes.
-Great.
-Why didn't somebody call? -You can't talk like that.
-What? -Like you just talked.
-Why not? It's 8:00 Sunday night.
There are kids watching.
You're gonna have to clean your mouth up.
They're supposed to be in bed by now.
From now on, ixnay on sexual innuendo.
No more double entendres, off colour remarks.
No more of this? What are we gonna do for the next 85 pages? Solve entertaining mysteries.
We're not gonna have a show.
We can't start the show without the theme song and Al's not here.
-Oh, yeah.
Roll the credits.
-What are you gonna do? Hold it.
Hold it.
What? These people ate a large meal out there.
You're gonna put them in coma singing like that.
Roll the tape.
What? Cut it.
Cut it.
-I'm, like, the new Perry Como.
-Wonderful.
If you'll sing like that, join a garage band.
-You don't like the way I sing? -Can't you hear the dogs howling? I heard, but I didn't think it had anything to do with this.
What are we gonna do? -Come on, Herbert.
-I don't want to.
-You have to.
-Oh, no.
-I got a bad feeling.
-They'll be bloodshed if you don't.
All right.
Hit it.
He's so talented.
-Richie.
-What? What if someone can see us? Close your eyes and you won't see them.
Now, close your eyes.
I mean it.
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Keep them closed.
Don't-- Not now, not now.
Keep them closed.
What are you doing? Don't look.
Not yet.
Now.
Oh, Richie.
Oh, it's beautiful.
That was my grandmother's engagement ring.
I don't know.
Do you think we're ready to do this? No rush.
Let's consider this our token agreement to agree at a future date to be determined we might wanna consider the outside possibility of a more formal relationship.
Did I leave enough loopholes for everybody? You don't like the tie.
It's gone.
What's the matter? Carla, come on, what's wrong? Nothing is wrong.
Everything is right as rain.
I can't accept this.
You don't like the setting? We're out of here.
Richie, if you give me this ring, I'm afraid I'll hock it.
I don't think granny would go for that.
No.
She's dead.
But she would definitely oppose that idea from beyond the grave.
Hey, who was it that promised he'd get your money back? -Oh, Richie.
-Now, answer the question.
You did, but-- But.
B-U-T, the three, most insidious words in the English language.
The one word that separates people from their dreams.
Carla, Carla.
May I call you Carla? You and me, big church wedding.
We open up a restaurant.
We buy the biggest shoe we can find.
We fill it full of tons of kids: Right, Richie.
We can't even afford the shoe.
The guy took all my money.
We're living in dream world.
Wait a second, Carla.
Hey, hey, Carla, come back here.
I said I'll make everything okay.
Hey.
I'm gonna find the guy who took your money.
Carla.
I'll get every cent, that's what I said.
I'll fix it, every cent.
You don't believe me? Excuse me.
Morning, Miss Di Pesto.
Morning.
Miss Di Pesto.
Mr.
Viola.
Miss Hayes.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what I was doing.
-Mr.
Viola, from the looks of it.
-Entirely my fault.
What you have witnessed here has absolutely nothing, whatsoever, to do with Agnes.
It didn't? Well, of course it did, but-- What I'm saying, this round-the-clock surveillance on Anselmo case is beginning to take its toll.
Forcing me to snatch affection wherever and whenever I can get it regardless of inappropriateness of the surroundings.
You and Mr.
Addison were out again all night? Yes, with no one but ourselves to keep us warm.
Not that Mr.
Addison isn't a great detective and a fine wit but going five nights in a row without-- Miss Hayes, I know it was wrong to sneak into your office and use it for our own, private.
It will never ever happen again.
It's just that you don't know what it's like going for so long without Herbert.
I'll take your word for it.
Well I guess we'll be getting out of your hair.
I'm gonna debrief Mr.
Addison on the Anselmo case.
And I'd appreciate it if you two stopped debriefing each other.
There must be something in the air.
David, you know, I'm really proud of you working so hard lately.
The long hours, sleepless nights.
You must be exhausted.
Stressed out, tensed up.
You're one big knot.
It's been along time since I did this, David.
What am I talking about? I never did this.
You were always the one that gave the back rubs.
You know, David, after you get through with this Anselmo case I think you should take a vacation.
You know, go to a beach somewhere and work on your tan.
Maybe go fishing.
How about a deep-sea fishing trip? You'll put the worm on the hook for me? David.
Richie.
Why don't you take a swipe at the lower than my lower lumbar? Great seeing you, Rich, but sorry, you gotta go.
Great to hear about you and the lady.
Congrats.
Right now, me and the big blonde gotta do some talking.
Give me a chance to say hey to the boss, who's looking mighty fine, -Stop with the butter.
The answer's no.
-What's the question? -Don't wanna know.
-Do.
Do you have idea what the failure rate for a restaurant is? It's a slam dunk which is where you come in.
Which is where you go out.
-David, let him talk, David.
-Yeah, David, let him talk.
-Let him walk and talk.
-This is more than a restaurant.
-it's about our future, Carla's and mine.
-Who's Carla? -Flavour of the month.
-Woman of my dreams.
First date we fell deeply, madly, passionately in love.
The restaurant I took her to was a horror show.
I had to send back the food, the wine, the coffee, the dessert.
I got stuck with a check for 180 bucks.
It was the night of my life.
Terrific girl, terrible restaurant.
Our dreams came true.
If these slingers can charge an arm, a leg why don't we open up a place and do it right.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Bankrolling a restaurant is a very expensive proposition.
-Not a problem.
-It is a problem.
it's the problem.
-Dave, she's got the money.
-She had it.
We'll get it from the guy who took it.
-Who took it? -Benny Largo.
-He's gonna give it back.
-He'll give it back.
All 72,000.
-Gone? No.
-Yeah.
-We lean on him a little bit.
-We lean? -I lean.
-All that money.
-Eileen must feel terrible.
-Carla.
She feels worse than terrible.
Shafted, abused, used, exploited.
-I knew you'd understand.
-I've been there.
That's why the quarter-wit is hitting on you.
He knew I won't give him the time of day.
Poor woman.
Poor you.
Why didn't you go to the police? That's a great idea.
They'll shuffle around papers.
It's off to the doughnut shop.
-The time they get to Carol's case-- -Carla.
-Carla, the snake.
-Benny Largo.
Benny Largo's made off with her money and where's that leave, Richie? Standing around my office breathing up oxygen.
He needs our help, David.
Carlo needs our help.
-Carla.
-Carla.
Did you think about getting a private detective? Excuse us for a minute, please? I have been working 24 hours a day, seven days a week, busting my hump eating bad food, listening to Viola's beard grow.
Don't get me wrong, he's a fine detective and a great wit.
Where have I heard that before? Out.
I love my brother like a brother but what you have to understand about my brother is when he was a little boy, he brought things that were seriously ill.
I think we should help him.
He's an operator and you're a softy, an easy mark, a sucker.
Like that woman whose bank account was emptied by somebody she trusts.
I think about how happier my life would be if that hadn't happened to me.
-You wouldn't have met me.
-I rest my case.
There's a lot more than money at stake here.
Don't you want this relationship to get off to a good start? Relationship? Richie only falls in love after midnight.
I know what he wants to do.
He wants us to find this money for this babe, right? Then he looks like the hero and then she drops the laundry.
Richie's in love.
I can hear it.
I can see it in his eye.
I bet he doesn't even know this babe's last name.
-I don't wanna start a fight.
-What's her last name? -What? -Carla's last name.
McCabe.
What colour are her eyes? Blue.
Hazel.
I don't know.
-Where does she come from? -Back east somewhere.
-Where? -Beats me.
-How old is she? -Thirty five.
-When's her birthday? -What's this? -Just answer the question.
-I don't know when her birthday is.
Advantage, Dave.
-Where'd you meet her? -In a bar.
-Match point.
-I don't know her life story, okay? I met her a couple of weeks ago.
I'll tell you one thing, she's a keeper.
At night, when I crash, I wanna sleep fast just so I can wake up and see her again.
I don't know all these answers, but I wanna know everything about her.
I love her.
Richie loves Carla.
Can you hear that, Dave? I love her.
I've taken up enough of your time.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.
What? What's Benny Largo look like? And don't gloat.
Don't you dare gloat.
You're awfully quiet.
-Am I? -Yes, you are.
Usually, when we're driving I can't get a word in edgewise.
-Yeah.
-Maybe we just run out of things to say.
Like some old married couple.
-Why are you looking at your watch? -I wanna know the time.
Maybe we're not going about this the right way, trying to find Benny Largo.
Going door to door, to get something out of his contacts.
I can't think of a better way to waste -He's your brother.
-Yeah.
A quarter day, dragging our fannies from modelling agency to agency trying to find Clutch Cargo.
Benny Largo.
We could bring home the bacon on the Anselmo case.
Benny Largo's flown the coop.
Maybe he's not even in L.
A.
He's a local hustler, hustling locally.
If I'd embezzled $72,000 from my agency I wanna put real estate between my partner and I.
-My partner and me.
-I'd move to France.
Not on 72 G's.
It keep you in snails for about a year, max.
-We agreed to help your brother.
-You agreed.
I'm along for the ride.
A long, tedious, non-paying, boring ride.
Why can't you tell yourself you're helping people in love.
Saccharin's been linked to cancer.
This little field trip's taught me you had some racket going for you working in modelling, racking in all that moolah saying cheese.
It's not as easy as it looks.
The most gruelling thing is along day under those hot lights.
That smiling and wearing clothes at the same time.
That will grind you down.
Demanding clients, photographers.
A big fat check waiting for you at the end of each day.
-You earn by giving up a lot.
-What? Privacy.
You've no idea what it's like to go into a supermarket -and see your face.
-Happened to me in the '60s.
-Goodbye, anonymity.
-Hi, swimming pools mansions, sports cars.
People forget you're a human.
They see an image, a logo.
They talk right to your face in the third person.
-Like a threesome? -They treat you like meat.
-Yeah, for five thou a day.
-I made a lot more than that.
You walked away from it so you could drive for 4 hours, 19 minutes and 47 seconds making squat.
Maddie, you should had a long talk with your guidance counsellor.
Okay, we're gonna shoot in two minutes.
Last touch ups, please.
-Ready to go.
-We need an adapter.
Good.
Move, move the lamp in a foot closer, the one on the left.
Let's see a little bit more body makeup over here, please? -I'm sorry, but this is a closed set.
-We've have an appointment.
-With? -I'm Eddie Skins.
Eddie Skins, personal management.
I got a call from Mr.
Benny this morning.
He said you were interested in working with my client.
Say hello to Madelyn Hayes.
Maddie Hayes.
I didn't realise you were trying to make a comeback.
Yes.
I'm sorry.
Who did you say referred you? -Benny Largo.
-Name doesn't ring a bell.
No.
No.
No.
Wrong.
Marian, where did you dig up this meat puppet? Alter all the pre-production, the meetings this is what I end up with? The hair.
The teeth.
Spare me from those teeth.
I'm trying to sell a product to men out there in America.
This is not a man, this is a statue.
Can't we find ourselves somebody real, not too bright maybe a spare tire around the middle? I want ordinary.
I want run of the mill.
I want this guy.
Give me this meat puppet.
Okay, that's a wrap.
Any of you girls know Benny Largo? Excuse me, Miss Hayes.
-Could I have your autograph? -Sure.
-it's not too weird or anything? -No, I'm flattered.
-What's your name? -it's not for me, for my mom.
-Her name is Marie.
-Marie.
-You're her idol.
-Really? Yeah, I mean, she even used to do her hair like yours.
I mean, back then, when your look was in.
David, would you mind if I didn't go in for this one? What are you talking about? What about Carla? What about Ritchie? What about love? I don't wanna go and have everyone look at me like I'm an ex-model who blew her money and needs a job.
-That's what happened.
-I have a job.
But this is not a job.
This is an obligation.
This is a wait.
This is a millstone around our neck.
Now, the Anselmo case-- -Anselmo case.
-That's a job.
I'm so sick of hearing about the Anselmo case.
The Anselmos can solve their own case.
I'll be waiting in car.
Okay.
Eddie Skins, Eddie Skins, personal management.
-May I help you? -The question is, may I help you? The crown jewel.
I heard you were looking for a bombshell.
Gentleman named Largo sent me.
-You know Benny? -Hey, do I know Benny? Let's just say, when we was kids, we raised a little cane.
Lowered some, too, if you catch my drift.
This wouldn't be Benny's place? We're not looking for new girls right now, but I'll put this on file.
You wouldn't happen to know how I could get a hold of Benny.
I think he's out of town.
Maybe if you hear from him, you could give me a call.
Lt'd be in his best interest, if you know what I mean.
You might wanna try using decaf, sister? -What are you wearing tonight? -Halter top and tube skirt.
-What do you mean what am I wearing? -To dinner.
Wanna have dinner? I got Laker tickets, the chilli dogs are on me.
No, we're having dinner with Richie.
You forgot? No, I didn't forget, I didn't remember.
We'll have to make it another time.
He made reservations.
I'm sure Carla's a wreck about meeting you.
You can't just cancel it.
-I got Laker tickets.
-We'll give it to Burt and Agnes.
Jack's gonna love sitting next to Burt and Agnes.
I'll drop you off, change, cab over to the restaurant.
I haven't seen this guy in six months and now he's the focus of my being.
He's my brother.
What do I gotta see him for? He's your family, your flesh and blood.
We're 2 ducks cooked in the same oven.
-What is it, you two don't get along? -We get along.
He lives his life.
I live my life.
You'd appreciate having sibling if you were only child like me.
Who never wore hand-me-downs.
Who gotta sit in front seat of station wagon.
Who never got stuck with bunk.
No bunk beds as an only child.
You had someone to talk to growing up.
-Someone to tell on you.
-Play with.
Nobody borrowed stuff, lost it.
-Pretty lonely being the only kid.
-The centre of attention, the darling.
-No worries about making friends.
-Not a problem.
No matter what, you had one built-in at home.
Stealing my allowance, hitting on my girlfriends.
I like my brother.
I love my brother.
I'm sure he feels the same.
If anything ever happened, he'd be ripped up and vice versa.
It's one of the things families do.
But look, how much you have in common, David.
-So what? -Excuse me.
I don't see how you could be so detached.
-Who's detached? -You are detached.
Remote about an important part of your life.
It's not like he's my best friend.
We share some memories.
Fine.
You can't chew over the past and stay close to somebody.
Hell, look at me and you.
Hold on.
Keep your pants on.
You don't have any pants on, do you? -Hi.
-Hi.
-I'm Claudette.
-I'm Dave.
David.
Are you gonna invite me in? Yeah.
Sure.
You girls are out selling cookies a little earlier this year, aren't you? New uniforms, too, I like that.
What can I do for you? You can take my coat.
Make yourself comfortable.
Where would you like to play? Finally, a dream sequence I can sink my teeth into.
Ginger didn't tell you I was coming? -Who's Ginger? -From Pinnacle.
Oh, Ginger.
Red hair, kind of jumpy.
Cute guys make her nervous.
So how'd you find me? Well, you left your numbers.
We looked up your address in one of those backward books.
It must have been pretty urgent.
Benny Largo is very interested in your business proposition.
So he sent me over to say thanks.
Well, a fruit basket would have done just fine.
Well, he liked the blonde in the picture a lot.
Maddie? He thinks she's got that I'll-use-you-up and-throw-you-away like-worthless-trash look.
-He knows Maddie.
-Guys really shell out for girls like her.
Tell me about this agency.
Hey, you're not from vice, are you? No.
No way.
I'm just looking after my girls, that's all.
Pinnacle is a great place to work.
Good benefits.
I've been there since Benny split with his ex-partner.
I like Carla, okay.
She's a good business woman, but with Benny, I get free dental.
Yeah, I heard Benny and Carla had a falling out.
Different management styles.
Got pretty messy.
I'll give Benny a jingle in the morning about the blonde.
-But right now, I really have to go.
-What about you and me? -I'd hate to give you this cold.
-A cold is the least of my worries.
Right, but I really have to go.
Benny wants to meet you tonight, I got his address.
He's real anxious to put the blonde to work.
Well, she'll be thrilled to hear that.
You really want me to go? I mean, this one is on the house.
Well, there's no such thing as a free lunch and I have dinner plans.
At night when I'm just laying there with my head on the pillow I just watch her sleep.
I mean, look at that.
I've never seen hair like that, that thick, that black.
-I mean, except maybe on a racehorse.
-You really like her, don't you? -She seems really nice.
-She is very nice.
And she's very beautiful.
You are very beautiful, Madelyn Hayes but Carla is all mine.
Addison boys really know how to walk on both sides of the street at the same time.
Check this out.
Right there.
Look at that profile.
Does that belong on a Grecian urn or what? -Men really do this, huh? -Take me now, Lord because I have raced a thousand miles and that's mine.
You're either coming down with malaria or better marry that girl tout de suite.
Her and a movie star, I can understand, but why me? You're a pretty good dancer.
I taught him everything he knows.
That's true.
When money was tight, Dave took dance, I took typing.
I showed his around the keys.
And I showed you how to samba.
Dave, brunette.
What do you think? -Not bad.
-Come on, I wanna introduce you.
I wanna dance with the big blonde here, if you don't mind.
Just once around the block, you promise, okay? -Because she's dying to meet you.
-Yeah.
Cha-cha.
Sorry.
I hate the cha-cha.
I don t even know to cha-cha, but we got to.
So I can explain what everybody there knows.
Watch it.
I just had a visit from an ex-employee of Carla's, know about that? I got a real earful on the future Mrs.
Richie.
And I do mean ear full.
-From a disgruntled employee, David.
-She wasn't disgruntled.
Yeah, as a matter of fact, she said Carla was a professional.
Professional as in, like, the world's oldest profession.
That's ridiculous.
I was just talking to her.
She's intelligent, well-mannered, charming.
Yeah, so was Miss Kitty.
Benny Largo and Carla ran a modelling agency where models got paid to do more than photo spreads.
-Are you sure? -I'm sure.
If you wanna pick up a little extra pin money Benny Largo would like to get your name on a W-4.
-Oh, David.
-One of the benefits of the great.
I hate the cha-cha.
Look.
Why don't you go swap, makeup tales with Carla? -I'll talk with Ritchie.
-Don't tell him.
Of course, I'm gonna tell him.
David, she has a past, so what? Maybe she was desperate for money.
But look at her now, she's crazy about him.
She wants to turn over a new leaf and you'll blow everything.
It's not that I'm bothered by her resume but I'm gonna tell Richie.
Jumps in a shark tank, know there's a shark there.
-I don't disagree.
-What does that mean, you do agree? Yeah, I think Carla should tell him.
You take Richie out for a cha-cha, I'll speak to our lady of the evening.
-You just butt out.
-She's not gonna tell -unless she knows that I know.
-What stinks? Yeah, the men's room at CBGB's in New York.
You haven't seen your brother and you can't wait to stick your nose in his business.
Carla McCabe, may I present the runt of the litter, David Addison.
David, I've been looking forward to this.
Richard's told me so much about you.
I heard a lot about you too.
-Sorry, I'm late.
-No problem, bro.
Addison affliction.
It's okay.
Maddie and I had an opportunity to get to know each other.
Yes, we did.
It's amazing how much we have in common.
Yes, that is amazing.
You know what I'm in the mood for? Oh, darn, they don't have it.
Richie tells me you're quite a businesswoman.
It takes love to start your own business, right, Maddie? -Right.
-Oh, don't I know.
I guess Richie told you what happened.
-Yeah, it's a shame.
-Well, you know, it hurt.
You build something from the ground up, all of that work and thengone.
But c'est la vie.
-You miss the grind? -I do, actually.
I like the pressure, meeting the deadlines and the payrolls.
You know, keeping the clients happy.
-I don't have to tell you about that.
-Or anyone else for that matter.
I just keep trying to convince myself that things happen for a reason.
Well, here's to things that happen for a reason.
Don't worry, Carla.
You'll be back on your feet in no time.
Oh, Richie, I'm so sorry.
Here.
No, it's all right.
I look good in Beaujolais.
Nothing a little cold water won't take out.
Come on.
David, Richie can take care of himself.
Yeah, right.
Come on.
I think she likes you, Dave.
I really do.
Not that it matters.
Thanksgiving dinners tend to be more sane if everybody in the family gets along, you know.
-You're really serious about this girl.
-I know what you're thinking.
Richie's chasing this righteous babe.
He's got thing on his mind.
Wrong.
Not that this thing isn't the absolute best it's ever been with Carla.
But she's a wonderful woman.
She'll make a great wife, terrific mom and a five-star restaurateur.
Don't you think you're rushing this a little bit? Earth to Dave, this is Richie you're talking about.
And I'm still as incapable of commitment as ever.
But if there's any one girl that can turn me around, I think she's the one.
By the way, brown eyes.
White Bear Lake, Minnesota, October 3rd.
Think you caught a little wine here.
-Any luck with Benny Largo? -Yeah.
Don't hold out on me, bro.
This address, 11:30, tonight.
-But look-- -Thanks a lot.
I really appreciate this.
You helping me out like this.
Do me a favour, Carla doesn't know that you're in on this thing so let's just keep that on the q.
t.
What's with the long face? You know, Richie, we should talk.
What, are you and the blonde at each others psyches again? -Found something out today.
-You sick? -No, I'm not sick, this is about Carla.
-She's sick? Well, she seems like a nice girl.
She is a nice girl.
I hope that's not a problem.
Well, it's like this, Rich Carla is or was involved in a business.
Let's see, how should I say this it was the business that catered to a very specific clientele.
-You're beating around the bush.
-Exactly right.
Because Carla used to run a cat house.
Not a cat house, really, more like an out-call fantasy-sex thing.
You knew? Carla and I don't have any secrets from each other.
Why didn't you tell me? -Because it's none of your business.
-it's none of my business? It's okay to just drop everything, to find her partner in pandering, huh? -Don't touch me.
-You lied.
I didn't.
I kept you away from fine print.
-I'm gonna count to three.
-Fine for me to drop everything.
-And help you when you get in a jam.
-One.
Two.
-Can't even be straight with me.
-Two and half.
Everyone in the kitchen is very excited about today's soup.
I'll have the special, please.
To go.
Stop it.
Stop it.
-Stop.
-He knew.
-He knew.
-Yeah, I knew.
Doesn't mean you have to give the porcelain shampoo.
See, Maddie, see what you missed not growing up with a brother.
Stop it, stop it.
-Richie, what is this? -The Family Feud.
Let's go.
Get off me.
-All right, Carla, let's get out of here.
-Nice meeting you.
Thanks a lot.
Boy, you handled that well.
Maybe Richie should have told you the whole story.
-Are you gonna take his side? -No.
-I understand why he didn't.
-You're taking his side.
What's he supposed to do? Say I fell for a hooker.
Yeah, what so hard about that? You don't make it easy for Richie or anyone to come to you.
I'm unapproachable? -You are sometimes.
-I'm the most approachable guy I know.
I can't even approach you about Richie, that's how unapproachable you can be.
-Jerk.
-What? Richie's a jerk.
Despite that you think I'm detached, remote and what was it? -Unfeeling.
-Unfeeling toward him.
I've always been there when he need me.
He won't let me get his life together.
Instead he lies, uses me to help him screw it up even more.
What makes you think he's screwing up? Will you give me a break? Carla didn't lie.
She was straight to him.
-You're the one that has a problem.
-This is my problem.
Maybe it is.
Richie's found someone who makes him happy.
-All you see are obstacles.
-You're a fine one to talk about that.
-You're jealous of him.
-I am not jealous of my brother.
You can't stand that he's capable of doing something that you're not.
What? Collecting unemployment in three states.
Or is it the old Dave's-afraid-of-intimacy mantra.
Dave's afraid of intimacy.
Dave is afraid of intimacy.
-Dave is afraid of intimacy.
-Good night, David.
Good night, Maddie Hayes.
Dave's afraid of intimacy.
Mr.
Addison, we need to talk.
-You people ever hear of soft sell? -Please, just hear me out.
I'll match whatever it is they're paying you.
-I got $ 10,000.
-That ought to keep me in milk -and cookies for awhile.
-Please.
You just gotta change your mind.
You got to tell Claudette not to take rejection so hard.
Oh, Mr.
Addison, if you kill Benny, I don't know what I'll do.
Whoa, whoa, why would I wanna kill Benny? Look, I know.
-Everyone on the street knows.
-You ought to tell me.
I seem to have missed a salient points-- You don't have to play games with me.
There's a hit out on Benny.
When you showed up asking stupid questions I knew you were the one.
Let me clear things up for you.
I am not a hit man.
I understand you're a professional.
Well, understand this Mr.
Addison.
Benny and me got married last week.
I don't wanna be a widow.
I tried to get him to leave town so you wouldn't find him.
But he wants a showdown, the jerk.
So he sent Claudette to set up the meeting tonight.
He's waiting for me? I tell him that he doesn't stand a chance against a professional.
Good.
Oh, hi, mom this is my new girlfriend.
So long, sister.
Richie.
I had to shoot him.
It was self-defence.
-He was coming for me.
-With a pizza.
That' go over great in court.
Hey, what's going on over there? Break it up.
Can I get some help over here? Hey, come on.
Help me, come on.
Calm down.
Get back.
Get back.
Let him go.
How else was I supposed to put the arm on Largo for 72 K.
Seemed like the right thing to do.
Sort out our differences over pizza and beer.
Don't beat yourself up too much, man.
The delivery boy was early.
You were a little late.
-Somebody had to go get the brew.
-Richie, it's not your fault, man.
Look.
First Benny Largo, now you.
At least you gotta question this girl's judgement.
Sorry, I dragged you into this whole thing.
Me too.
You got every right in the world to be peeved at me.
-I know.
-Well, I guess as far as brothers go I'm pretty lame, huh? You know even if we're not very good friends I still got to suspect, I love you, little brother.
I sure can't think of one damn good reason why I'd let my butt get kicked on your behalf.
-Do you want me to thank you? -That'd be the brotherly thing to do.
Forget about it.
You know, for a minute, I almost thought you bought the farm tonight.
-Get out of town.
-I did.
Know, what it made me think of? -What? -When the Canini boys kicked your ass.
And you pretended like you was dead.
Yeah, that scared the poop out of them.
It did.
They thought we'll get the electric chair for killing the Ad Man.
I know, they thought the Ad Man was down.
Oh, man, the Ad Man.
I remember when I was starting freshman high school.
Everybody calling you the Ad Man, the coolest thing I ever heard.
-The Ad Man rules.
-The Ad Man was bad.
That's what they said.
I was hoping, like, when you graduated that somebody would start calling me the Ad Man but they never did.
-I need a favour, Dave.
-No.
Pass.
-Forget it.
-I'm serious.
When I saw that pepperoni all splattered all over the sidewalk I realized right then what I gotta do.
I gotta marry Carla.
And I want you to be my best man, Little Ad Man.
-Come here.
-Watch the neck, watch the neck.
Six hundred, 700, 800 One hundred, 200, Hey.
I'll pay you back next time we go to Vegas.
The maid of honour.
Let's get out of here, come on.
Gee, I really love you And Pm gonna get married Going to the chapel of love -How do I look? -Like you're gonna throw up.
It shows, huh? What do you think? I don't know, should I wait until I'm a little bit older? Or I should do this on an empty stomach? It's a big mistake to have a big meal like this or maybe-- -Richie.
-Carla.
Carla Ann Ruth Mcquire-- McCabe will you marry me tonight, immediately? Right now? You're overwhelmed.
She's overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed.
But that doesn't matter because I love you, you love me and what the hell.
Marriage is just like a blind date anyway.
Where do you keep your suitcase? Oh, Richie, wait.
What are you doing here? What's he doing here? Just doing a follow up for the Largo investigation.
I'm glad you made bail.
Planer was telling me what happened at the warehouse.
Oh, thank God, you're all right.
Richie.
I'm so relieved.
We don't wanna bust up the celebration.
We'll be going.
Yeah.
Thanks a lot for your cooperation.
I'll send a man over tomorrow to take a statement.
You forgot your shoes.
Somebody wanted Benny Largo out of the way took all your girls, all your clients.
-Almost put you out of business.
-She is out of business.
Well, somebody wanted Benny Largo out of the way.
It's makes them think there's a hit out on them when he starts to get a little itchy the boys in blue come in, make the collar.
These people set you up, Richie.
Interesting hunch.
The thing about a hunch is that it's south of being a fact.
And if you don't have a fact and you don't then you just don't have much of anything.
But you can rest assured I'll use all the resources at my disposal to investigate your hunch.
Who knows.
Maybe we'll come up with something.
Detective Planer, are you off duty? Would it be against the law if someone like me did something like this to an off-duty policeman? Well, now, Maddie, you're into a very grey area of jurisprudence here.
If I were you, I'd play it safe.
I think something like this would be within your legal right as a citizen.
But that's just a hunch.
-Are you off duty too? -Wait a minute.
Don't wait up for me.
This ring belonged to Richie's grandmother.
-I don't think she'd want me to have it.
-Sure she would.
it's fake.
Hold it.
Where's AI? Where's he at? -Anybody seen AI Jarreau? -David.
We're ready to start the show.
We can't start without the theme music and Al's not here.
-Really? -Yes, really.
That's not like AI.
Seen him? Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Did someone tell AI about the move to Sunday night? The lady asked a question.
That's a negative, Miss Hayes.
-Great.
-Why didn't somebody call? -You can't talk like that.
-What? -Like you just talked.
-Why not? It's 8:00 Sunday night.
There are kids watching.
You're gonna have to clean your mouth up.
They're supposed to be in bed by now.
From now on, ixnay on sexual innuendo.
No more double entendres, off colour remarks.
No more of this? What are we gonna do for the next 85 pages? Solve entertaining mysteries.
We're not gonna have a show.
We can't start the show without the theme song and Al's not here.
-Oh, yeah.
Roll the credits.
-What are you gonna do? Hold it.
Hold it.
What? These people ate a large meal out there.
You're gonna put them in coma singing like that.
Roll the tape.
What? Cut it.
Cut it.
-I'm, like, the new Perry Como.
-Wonderful.
If you'll sing like that, join a garage band.
-You don't like the way I sing? -Can't you hear the dogs howling? I heard, but I didn't think it had anything to do with this.
What are we gonna do? -Come on, Herbert.
-I don't want to.
-You have to.
-Oh, no.
-I got a bad feeling.
-They'll be bloodshed if you don't.
All right.
Hit it.
He's so talented.
-Richie.
-What? What if someone can see us? Close your eyes and you won't see them.
Now, close your eyes.
I mean it.
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Keep them closed.
Don't-- Not now, not now.
Keep them closed.
What are you doing? Don't look.
Not yet.
Now.
Oh, Richie.
Oh, it's beautiful.
That was my grandmother's engagement ring.
I don't know.
Do you think we're ready to do this? No rush.
Let's consider this our token agreement to agree at a future date to be determined we might wanna consider the outside possibility of a more formal relationship.
Did I leave enough loopholes for everybody? You don't like the tie.
It's gone.
What's the matter? Carla, come on, what's wrong? Nothing is wrong.
Everything is right as rain.
I can't accept this.
You don't like the setting? We're out of here.
Richie, if you give me this ring, I'm afraid I'll hock it.
I don't think granny would go for that.
No.
She's dead.
But she would definitely oppose that idea from beyond the grave.
Hey, who was it that promised he'd get your money back? -Oh, Richie.
-Now, answer the question.
You did, but-- But.
B-U-T, the three, most insidious words in the English language.
The one word that separates people from their dreams.
Carla, Carla.
May I call you Carla? You and me, big church wedding.
We open up a restaurant.
We buy the biggest shoe we can find.
We fill it full of tons of kids: Right, Richie.
We can't even afford the shoe.
The guy took all my money.
We're living in dream world.
Wait a second, Carla.
Hey, hey, Carla, come back here.
I said I'll make everything okay.
Hey.
I'm gonna find the guy who took your money.
Carla.
I'll get every cent, that's what I said.
I'll fix it, every cent.
You don't believe me? Excuse me.
Morning, Miss Di Pesto.
Morning.
Miss Di Pesto.
Mr.
Viola.
Miss Hayes.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what I was doing.
-Mr.
Viola, from the looks of it.
-Entirely my fault.
What you have witnessed here has absolutely nothing, whatsoever, to do with Agnes.
It didn't? Well, of course it did, but-- What I'm saying, this round-the-clock surveillance on Anselmo case is beginning to take its toll.
Forcing me to snatch affection wherever and whenever I can get it regardless of inappropriateness of the surroundings.
You and Mr.
Addison were out again all night? Yes, with no one but ourselves to keep us warm.
Not that Mr.
Addison isn't a great detective and a fine wit but going five nights in a row without-- Miss Hayes, I know it was wrong to sneak into your office and use it for our own, private.
It will never ever happen again.
It's just that you don't know what it's like going for so long without Herbert.
I'll take your word for it.
Well I guess we'll be getting out of your hair.
I'm gonna debrief Mr.
Addison on the Anselmo case.
And I'd appreciate it if you two stopped debriefing each other.
There must be something in the air.
David, you know, I'm really proud of you working so hard lately.
The long hours, sleepless nights.
You must be exhausted.
Stressed out, tensed up.
You're one big knot.
It's been along time since I did this, David.
What am I talking about? I never did this.
You were always the one that gave the back rubs.
You know, David, after you get through with this Anselmo case I think you should take a vacation.
You know, go to a beach somewhere and work on your tan.
Maybe go fishing.
How about a deep-sea fishing trip? You'll put the worm on the hook for me? David.
Richie.
Why don't you take a swipe at the lower than my lower lumbar? Great seeing you, Rich, but sorry, you gotta go.
Great to hear about you and the lady.
Congrats.
Right now, me and the big blonde gotta do some talking.
Give me a chance to say hey to the boss, who's looking mighty fine, -Stop with the butter.
The answer's no.
-What's the question? -Don't wanna know.
-Do.
Do you have idea what the failure rate for a restaurant is? It's a slam dunk which is where you come in.
Which is where you go out.
-David, let him talk, David.
-Yeah, David, let him talk.
-Let him walk and talk.
-This is more than a restaurant.
-it's about our future, Carla's and mine.
-Who's Carla? -Flavour of the month.
-Woman of my dreams.
First date we fell deeply, madly, passionately in love.
The restaurant I took her to was a horror show.
I had to send back the food, the wine, the coffee, the dessert.
I got stuck with a check for 180 bucks.
It was the night of my life.
Terrific girl, terrible restaurant.
Our dreams came true.
If these slingers can charge an arm, a leg why don't we open up a place and do it right.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Bankrolling a restaurant is a very expensive proposition.
-Not a problem.
-It is a problem.
it's the problem.
-Dave, she's got the money.
-She had it.
We'll get it from the guy who took it.
-Who took it? -Benny Largo.
-He's gonna give it back.
-He'll give it back.
All 72,000.
-Gone? No.
-Yeah.
-We lean on him a little bit.
-We lean? -I lean.
-All that money.
-Eileen must feel terrible.
-Carla.
She feels worse than terrible.
Shafted, abused, used, exploited.
-I knew you'd understand.
-I've been there.
That's why the quarter-wit is hitting on you.
He knew I won't give him the time of day.
Poor woman.
Poor you.
Why didn't you go to the police? That's a great idea.
They'll shuffle around papers.
It's off to the doughnut shop.
-The time they get to Carol's case-- -Carla.
-Carla, the snake.
-Benny Largo.
Benny Largo's made off with her money and where's that leave, Richie? Standing around my office breathing up oxygen.
He needs our help, David.
Carlo needs our help.
-Carla.
-Carla.
Did you think about getting a private detective? Excuse us for a minute, please? I have been working 24 hours a day, seven days a week, busting my hump eating bad food, listening to Viola's beard grow.
Don't get me wrong, he's a fine detective and a great wit.
Where have I heard that before? Out.
I love my brother like a brother but what you have to understand about my brother is when he was a little boy, he brought things that were seriously ill.
I think we should help him.
He's an operator and you're a softy, an easy mark, a sucker.
Like that woman whose bank account was emptied by somebody she trusts.
I think about how happier my life would be if that hadn't happened to me.
-You wouldn't have met me.
-I rest my case.
There's a lot more than money at stake here.
Don't you want this relationship to get off to a good start? Relationship? Richie only falls in love after midnight.
I know what he wants to do.
He wants us to find this money for this babe, right? Then he looks like the hero and then she drops the laundry.
Richie's in love.
I can hear it.
I can see it in his eye.
I bet he doesn't even know this babe's last name.
-I don't wanna start a fight.
-What's her last name? -What? -Carla's last name.
McCabe.
What colour are her eyes? Blue.
Hazel.
I don't know.
-Where does she come from? -Back east somewhere.
-Where? -Beats me.
-How old is she? -Thirty five.
-When's her birthday? -What's this? -Just answer the question.
-I don't know when her birthday is.
Advantage, Dave.
-Where'd you meet her? -In a bar.
-Match point.
-I don't know her life story, okay? I met her a couple of weeks ago.
I'll tell you one thing, she's a keeper.
At night, when I crash, I wanna sleep fast just so I can wake up and see her again.
I don't know all these answers, but I wanna know everything about her.
I love her.
Richie loves Carla.
Can you hear that, Dave? I love her.
I've taken up enough of your time.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.
What? What's Benny Largo look like? And don't gloat.
Don't you dare gloat.
You're awfully quiet.
-Am I? -Yes, you are.
Usually, when we're driving I can't get a word in edgewise.
-Yeah.
-Maybe we just run out of things to say.
Like some old married couple.
-Why are you looking at your watch? -I wanna know the time.
Maybe we're not going about this the right way, trying to find Benny Largo.
Going door to door, to get something out of his contacts.
I can't think of a better way to waste -He's your brother.
-Yeah.
A quarter day, dragging our fannies from modelling agency to agency trying to find Clutch Cargo.
Benny Largo.
We could bring home the bacon on the Anselmo case.
Benny Largo's flown the coop.
Maybe he's not even in L.
A.
He's a local hustler, hustling locally.
If I'd embezzled $72,000 from my agency I wanna put real estate between my partner and I.
-My partner and me.
-I'd move to France.
Not on 72 G's.
It keep you in snails for about a year, max.
-We agreed to help your brother.
-You agreed.
I'm along for the ride.
A long, tedious, non-paying, boring ride.
Why can't you tell yourself you're helping people in love.
Saccharin's been linked to cancer.
This little field trip's taught me you had some racket going for you working in modelling, racking in all that moolah saying cheese.
It's not as easy as it looks.
The most gruelling thing is along day under those hot lights.
That smiling and wearing clothes at the same time.
That will grind you down.
Demanding clients, photographers.
A big fat check waiting for you at the end of each day.
-You earn by giving up a lot.
-What? Privacy.
You've no idea what it's like to go into a supermarket -and see your face.
-Happened to me in the '60s.
-Goodbye, anonymity.
-Hi, swimming pools mansions, sports cars.
People forget you're a human.
They see an image, a logo.
They talk right to your face in the third person.
-Like a threesome? -They treat you like meat.
-Yeah, for five thou a day.
-I made a lot more than that.
You walked away from it so you could drive for 4 hours, 19 minutes and 47 seconds making squat.
Maddie, you should had a long talk with your guidance counsellor.
Okay, we're gonna shoot in two minutes.
Last touch ups, please.
-Ready to go.
-We need an adapter.
Good.
Move, move the lamp in a foot closer, the one on the left.
Let's see a little bit more body makeup over here, please? -I'm sorry, but this is a closed set.
-We've have an appointment.
-With? -I'm Eddie Skins.
Eddie Skins, personal management.
I got a call from Mr.
Benny this morning.
He said you were interested in working with my client.
Say hello to Madelyn Hayes.
Maddie Hayes.
I didn't realise you were trying to make a comeback.
Yes.
I'm sorry.
Who did you say referred you? -Benny Largo.
-Name doesn't ring a bell.
No.
No.
No.
Wrong.
Marian, where did you dig up this meat puppet? Alter all the pre-production, the meetings this is what I end up with? The hair.
The teeth.
Spare me from those teeth.
I'm trying to sell a product to men out there in America.
This is not a man, this is a statue.
Can't we find ourselves somebody real, not too bright maybe a spare tire around the middle? I want ordinary.
I want run of the mill.
I want this guy.
Give me this meat puppet.
Okay, that's a wrap.
Any of you girls know Benny Largo? Excuse me, Miss Hayes.
-Could I have your autograph? -Sure.
-it's not too weird or anything? -No, I'm flattered.
-What's your name? -it's not for me, for my mom.
-Her name is Marie.
-Marie.
-You're her idol.
-Really? Yeah, I mean, she even used to do her hair like yours.
I mean, back then, when your look was in.
David, would you mind if I didn't go in for this one? What are you talking about? What about Carla? What about Ritchie? What about love? I don't wanna go and have everyone look at me like I'm an ex-model who blew her money and needs a job.
-That's what happened.
-I have a job.
But this is not a job.
This is an obligation.
This is a wait.
This is a millstone around our neck.
Now, the Anselmo case-- -Anselmo case.
-That's a job.
I'm so sick of hearing about the Anselmo case.
The Anselmos can solve their own case.
I'll be waiting in car.
Okay.
Eddie Skins, Eddie Skins, personal management.
-May I help you? -The question is, may I help you? The crown jewel.
I heard you were looking for a bombshell.
Gentleman named Largo sent me.
-You know Benny? -Hey, do I know Benny? Let's just say, when we was kids, we raised a little cane.
Lowered some, too, if you catch my drift.
This wouldn't be Benny's place? We're not looking for new girls right now, but I'll put this on file.
You wouldn't happen to know how I could get a hold of Benny.
I think he's out of town.
Maybe if you hear from him, you could give me a call.
Lt'd be in his best interest, if you know what I mean.
You might wanna try using decaf, sister? -What are you wearing tonight? -Halter top and tube skirt.
-What do you mean what am I wearing? -To dinner.
Wanna have dinner? I got Laker tickets, the chilli dogs are on me.
No, we're having dinner with Richie.
You forgot? No, I didn't forget, I didn't remember.
We'll have to make it another time.
He made reservations.
I'm sure Carla's a wreck about meeting you.
You can't just cancel it.
-I got Laker tickets.
-We'll give it to Burt and Agnes.
Jack's gonna love sitting next to Burt and Agnes.
I'll drop you off, change, cab over to the restaurant.
I haven't seen this guy in six months and now he's the focus of my being.
He's my brother.
What do I gotta see him for? He's your family, your flesh and blood.
We're 2 ducks cooked in the same oven.
-What is it, you two don't get along? -We get along.
He lives his life.
I live my life.
You'd appreciate having sibling if you were only child like me.
Who never wore hand-me-downs.
Who gotta sit in front seat of station wagon.
Who never got stuck with bunk.
No bunk beds as an only child.
You had someone to talk to growing up.
-Someone to tell on you.
-Play with.
Nobody borrowed stuff, lost it.
-Pretty lonely being the only kid.
-The centre of attention, the darling.
-No worries about making friends.
-Not a problem.
No matter what, you had one built-in at home.
Stealing my allowance, hitting on my girlfriends.
I like my brother.
I love my brother.
I'm sure he feels the same.
If anything ever happened, he'd be ripped up and vice versa.
It's one of the things families do.
But look, how much you have in common, David.
-So what? -Excuse me.
I don't see how you could be so detached.
-Who's detached? -You are detached.
Remote about an important part of your life.
It's not like he's my best friend.
We share some memories.
Fine.
You can't chew over the past and stay close to somebody.
Hell, look at me and you.
Hold on.
Keep your pants on.
You don't have any pants on, do you? -Hi.
-Hi.
-I'm Claudette.
-I'm Dave.
David.
Are you gonna invite me in? Yeah.
Sure.
You girls are out selling cookies a little earlier this year, aren't you? New uniforms, too, I like that.
What can I do for you? You can take my coat.
Make yourself comfortable.
Where would you like to play? Finally, a dream sequence I can sink my teeth into.
Ginger didn't tell you I was coming? -Who's Ginger? -From Pinnacle.
Oh, Ginger.
Red hair, kind of jumpy.
Cute guys make her nervous.
So how'd you find me? Well, you left your numbers.
We looked up your address in one of those backward books.
It must have been pretty urgent.
Benny Largo is very interested in your business proposition.
So he sent me over to say thanks.
Well, a fruit basket would have done just fine.
Well, he liked the blonde in the picture a lot.
Maddie? He thinks she's got that I'll-use-you-up and-throw-you-away like-worthless-trash look.
-He knows Maddie.
-Guys really shell out for girls like her.
Tell me about this agency.
Hey, you're not from vice, are you? No.
No way.
I'm just looking after my girls, that's all.
Pinnacle is a great place to work.
Good benefits.
I've been there since Benny split with his ex-partner.
I like Carla, okay.
She's a good business woman, but with Benny, I get free dental.
Yeah, I heard Benny and Carla had a falling out.
Different management styles.
Got pretty messy.
I'll give Benny a jingle in the morning about the blonde.
-But right now, I really have to go.
-What about you and me? -I'd hate to give you this cold.
-A cold is the least of my worries.
Right, but I really have to go.
Benny wants to meet you tonight, I got his address.
He's real anxious to put the blonde to work.
Well, she'll be thrilled to hear that.
You really want me to go? I mean, this one is on the house.
Well, there's no such thing as a free lunch and I have dinner plans.
At night when I'm just laying there with my head on the pillow I just watch her sleep.
I mean, look at that.
I've never seen hair like that, that thick, that black.
-I mean, except maybe on a racehorse.
-You really like her, don't you? -She seems really nice.
-She is very nice.
And she's very beautiful.
You are very beautiful, Madelyn Hayes but Carla is all mine.
Addison boys really know how to walk on both sides of the street at the same time.
Check this out.
Right there.
Look at that profile.
Does that belong on a Grecian urn or what? -Men really do this, huh? -Take me now, Lord because I have raced a thousand miles and that's mine.
You're either coming down with malaria or better marry that girl tout de suite.
Her and a movie star, I can understand, but why me? You're a pretty good dancer.
I taught him everything he knows.
That's true.
When money was tight, Dave took dance, I took typing.
I showed his around the keys.
And I showed you how to samba.
Dave, brunette.
What do you think? -Not bad.
-Come on, I wanna introduce you.
I wanna dance with the big blonde here, if you don't mind.
Just once around the block, you promise, okay? -Because she's dying to meet you.
-Yeah.
Cha-cha.
Sorry.
I hate the cha-cha.
I don t even know to cha-cha, but we got to.
So I can explain what everybody there knows.
Watch it.
I just had a visit from an ex-employee of Carla's, know about that? I got a real earful on the future Mrs.
Richie.
And I do mean ear full.
-From a disgruntled employee, David.
-She wasn't disgruntled.
Yeah, as a matter of fact, she said Carla was a professional.
Professional as in, like, the world's oldest profession.
That's ridiculous.
I was just talking to her.
She's intelligent, well-mannered, charming.
Yeah, so was Miss Kitty.
Benny Largo and Carla ran a modelling agency where models got paid to do more than photo spreads.
-Are you sure? -I'm sure.
If you wanna pick up a little extra pin money Benny Largo would like to get your name on a W-4.
-Oh, David.
-One of the benefits of the great.
I hate the cha-cha.
Look.
Why don't you go swap, makeup tales with Carla? -I'll talk with Ritchie.
-Don't tell him.
Of course, I'm gonna tell him.
David, she has a past, so what? Maybe she was desperate for money.
But look at her now, she's crazy about him.
She wants to turn over a new leaf and you'll blow everything.
It's not that I'm bothered by her resume but I'm gonna tell Richie.
Jumps in a shark tank, know there's a shark there.
-I don't disagree.
-What does that mean, you do agree? Yeah, I think Carla should tell him.
You take Richie out for a cha-cha, I'll speak to our lady of the evening.
-You just butt out.
-She's not gonna tell -unless she knows that I know.
-What stinks? Yeah, the men's room at CBGB's in New York.
You haven't seen your brother and you can't wait to stick your nose in his business.
Carla McCabe, may I present the runt of the litter, David Addison.
David, I've been looking forward to this.
Richard's told me so much about you.
I heard a lot about you too.
-Sorry, I'm late.
-No problem, bro.
Addison affliction.
It's okay.
Maddie and I had an opportunity to get to know each other.
Yes, we did.
It's amazing how much we have in common.
Yes, that is amazing.
You know what I'm in the mood for? Oh, darn, they don't have it.
Richie tells me you're quite a businesswoman.
It takes love to start your own business, right, Maddie? -Right.
-Oh, don't I know.
I guess Richie told you what happened.
-Yeah, it's a shame.
-Well, you know, it hurt.
You build something from the ground up, all of that work and thengone.
But c'est la vie.
-You miss the grind? -I do, actually.
I like the pressure, meeting the deadlines and the payrolls.
You know, keeping the clients happy.
-I don't have to tell you about that.
-Or anyone else for that matter.
I just keep trying to convince myself that things happen for a reason.
Well, here's to things that happen for a reason.
Don't worry, Carla.
You'll be back on your feet in no time.
Oh, Richie, I'm so sorry.
Here.
No, it's all right.
I look good in Beaujolais.
Nothing a little cold water won't take out.
Come on.
David, Richie can take care of himself.
Yeah, right.
Come on.
I think she likes you, Dave.
I really do.
Not that it matters.
Thanksgiving dinners tend to be more sane if everybody in the family gets along, you know.
-You're really serious about this girl.
-I know what you're thinking.
Richie's chasing this righteous babe.
He's got thing on his mind.
Wrong.
Not that this thing isn't the absolute best it's ever been with Carla.
But she's a wonderful woman.
She'll make a great wife, terrific mom and a five-star restaurateur.
Don't you think you're rushing this a little bit? Earth to Dave, this is Richie you're talking about.
And I'm still as incapable of commitment as ever.
But if there's any one girl that can turn me around, I think she's the one.
By the way, brown eyes.
White Bear Lake, Minnesota, October 3rd.
Think you caught a little wine here.
-Any luck with Benny Largo? -Yeah.
Don't hold out on me, bro.
This address, 11:30, tonight.
-But look-- -Thanks a lot.
I really appreciate this.
You helping me out like this.
Do me a favour, Carla doesn't know that you're in on this thing so let's just keep that on the q.
t.
What's with the long face? You know, Richie, we should talk.
What, are you and the blonde at each others psyches again? -Found something out today.
-You sick? -No, I'm not sick, this is about Carla.
-She's sick? Well, she seems like a nice girl.
She is a nice girl.
I hope that's not a problem.
Well, it's like this, Rich Carla is or was involved in a business.
Let's see, how should I say this it was the business that catered to a very specific clientele.
-You're beating around the bush.
-Exactly right.
Because Carla used to run a cat house.
Not a cat house, really, more like an out-call fantasy-sex thing.
You knew? Carla and I don't have any secrets from each other.
Why didn't you tell me? -Because it's none of your business.
-it's none of my business? It's okay to just drop everything, to find her partner in pandering, huh? -Don't touch me.
-You lied.
I didn't.
I kept you away from fine print.
-I'm gonna count to three.
-Fine for me to drop everything.
-And help you when you get in a jam.
-One.
Two.
-Can't even be straight with me.
-Two and half.
Everyone in the kitchen is very excited about today's soup.
I'll have the special, please.
To go.
Stop it.
Stop it.
-Stop.
-He knew.
-He knew.
-Yeah, I knew.
Doesn't mean you have to give the porcelain shampoo.
See, Maddie, see what you missed not growing up with a brother.
Stop it, stop it.
-Richie, what is this? -The Family Feud.
Let's go.
Get off me.
-All right, Carla, let's get out of here.
-Nice meeting you.
Thanks a lot.
Boy, you handled that well.
Maybe Richie should have told you the whole story.
-Are you gonna take his side? -No.
-I understand why he didn't.
-You're taking his side.
What's he supposed to do? Say I fell for a hooker.
Yeah, what so hard about that? You don't make it easy for Richie or anyone to come to you.
I'm unapproachable? -You are sometimes.
-I'm the most approachable guy I know.
I can't even approach you about Richie, that's how unapproachable you can be.
-Jerk.
-What? Richie's a jerk.
Despite that you think I'm detached, remote and what was it? -Unfeeling.
-Unfeeling toward him.
I've always been there when he need me.
He won't let me get his life together.
Instead he lies, uses me to help him screw it up even more.
What makes you think he's screwing up? Will you give me a break? Carla didn't lie.
She was straight to him.
-You're the one that has a problem.
-This is my problem.
Maybe it is.
Richie's found someone who makes him happy.
-All you see are obstacles.
-You're a fine one to talk about that.
-You're jealous of him.
-I am not jealous of my brother.
You can't stand that he's capable of doing something that you're not.
What? Collecting unemployment in three states.
Or is it the old Dave's-afraid-of-intimacy mantra.
Dave's afraid of intimacy.
Dave is afraid of intimacy.
-Dave is afraid of intimacy.
-Good night, David.
Good night, Maddie Hayes.
Dave's afraid of intimacy.
Mr.
Addison, we need to talk.
-You people ever hear of soft sell? -Please, just hear me out.
I'll match whatever it is they're paying you.
-I got $ 10,000.
-That ought to keep me in milk -and cookies for awhile.
-Please.
You just gotta change your mind.
You got to tell Claudette not to take rejection so hard.
Oh, Mr.
Addison, if you kill Benny, I don't know what I'll do.
Whoa, whoa, why would I wanna kill Benny? Look, I know.
-Everyone on the street knows.
-You ought to tell me.
I seem to have missed a salient points-- You don't have to play games with me.
There's a hit out on Benny.
When you showed up asking stupid questions I knew you were the one.
Let me clear things up for you.
I am not a hit man.
I understand you're a professional.
Well, understand this Mr.
Addison.
Benny and me got married last week.
I don't wanna be a widow.
I tried to get him to leave town so you wouldn't find him.
But he wants a showdown, the jerk.
So he sent Claudette to set up the meeting tonight.
He's waiting for me? I tell him that he doesn't stand a chance against a professional.
Good.
Oh, hi, mom this is my new girlfriend.
So long, sister.
Richie.
I had to shoot him.
It was self-defence.
-He was coming for me.
-With a pizza.
That' go over great in court.
Hey, what's going on over there? Break it up.
Can I get some help over here? Hey, come on.
Help me, come on.
Calm down.
Get back.
Get back.
Let him go.
How else was I supposed to put the arm on Largo for 72 K.
Seemed like the right thing to do.
Sort out our differences over pizza and beer.
Don't beat yourself up too much, man.
The delivery boy was early.
You were a little late.
-Somebody had to go get the brew.
-Richie, it's not your fault, man.
Look.
First Benny Largo, now you.
At least you gotta question this girl's judgement.
Sorry, I dragged you into this whole thing.
Me too.
You got every right in the world to be peeved at me.
-I know.
-Well, I guess as far as brothers go I'm pretty lame, huh? You know even if we're not very good friends I still got to suspect, I love you, little brother.
I sure can't think of one damn good reason why I'd let my butt get kicked on your behalf.
-Do you want me to thank you? -That'd be the brotherly thing to do.
Forget about it.
You know, for a minute, I almost thought you bought the farm tonight.
-Get out of town.
-I did.
Know, what it made me think of? -What? -When the Canini boys kicked your ass.
And you pretended like you was dead.
Yeah, that scared the poop out of them.
It did.
They thought we'll get the electric chair for killing the Ad Man.
I know, they thought the Ad Man was down.
Oh, man, the Ad Man.
I remember when I was starting freshman high school.
Everybody calling you the Ad Man, the coolest thing I ever heard.
-The Ad Man rules.
-The Ad Man was bad.
That's what they said.
I was hoping, like, when you graduated that somebody would start calling me the Ad Man but they never did.
-I need a favour, Dave.
-No.
Pass.
-Forget it.
-I'm serious.
When I saw that pepperoni all splattered all over the sidewalk I realized right then what I gotta do.
I gotta marry Carla.
And I want you to be my best man, Little Ad Man.
-Come here.
-Watch the neck, watch the neck.
Six hundred, 700, 800 One hundred, 200, Hey.
I'll pay you back next time we go to Vegas.
The maid of honour.
Let's get out of here, come on.
Gee, I really love you And Pm gonna get married Going to the chapel of love -How do I look? -Like you're gonna throw up.
It shows, huh? What do you think? I don't know, should I wait until I'm a little bit older? Or I should do this on an empty stomach? It's a big mistake to have a big meal like this or maybe-- -Richie.
-Carla.
Carla Ann Ruth Mcquire-- McCabe will you marry me tonight, immediately? Right now? You're overwhelmed.
She's overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed.
But that doesn't matter because I love you, you love me and what the hell.
Marriage is just like a blind date anyway.
Where do you keep your suitcase? Oh, Richie, wait.
What are you doing here? What's he doing here? Just doing a follow up for the Largo investigation.
I'm glad you made bail.
Planer was telling me what happened at the warehouse.
Oh, thank God, you're all right.
Richie.
I'm so relieved.
We don't wanna bust up the celebration.
We'll be going.
Yeah.
Thanks a lot for your cooperation.
I'll send a man over tomorrow to take a statement.
You forgot your shoes.
Somebody wanted Benny Largo out of the way took all your girls, all your clients.
-Almost put you out of business.
-She is out of business.
Well, somebody wanted Benny Largo out of the way.
It's makes them think there's a hit out on them when he starts to get a little itchy the boys in blue come in, make the collar.
These people set you up, Richie.
Interesting hunch.
The thing about a hunch is that it's south of being a fact.
And if you don't have a fact and you don't then you just don't have much of anything.
But you can rest assured I'll use all the resources at my disposal to investigate your hunch.
Who knows.
Maybe we'll come up with something.
Detective Planer, are you off duty? Would it be against the law if someone like me did something like this to an off-duty policeman? Well, now, Maddie, you're into a very grey area of jurisprudence here.
If I were you, I'd play it safe.
I think something like this would be within your legal right as a citizen.
But that's just a hunch.
-Are you off duty too? -Wait a minute.
Don't wait up for me.
This ring belonged to Richie's grandmother.
-I don't think she'd want me to have it.
-Sure she would.
it's fake.