Orange Is the New Black s05e08 Episode Script

1 And you said it wouldn't work.
The man is the size of a refrigerator.
- He'll never fit through that hole.
- That's what she said.
It's him.
But it's not him.
Oh, it's like Chewbacca without hair.
"Can't talk.
"Enter through basement vent at sundown.
Let's kill them all.
" - No, wait.
Are you crazy? - Mmm-mmm.
We'll never be ready by then.
- We haven't even figured out - Shh! a way to trap him.
Rojita, we're gonna booby trap him, like in Mi Pobre Angelito, you know? You haven't seen that movie, where the parents go on vacation and they forget about their kid and he has to defend himself against burglars? You mean Home Alone.
No.
Well, why are we even talking about this? Piscatella's not the kind of man who slips on marbles.
On ice.
They slip on ice in the movie.
We need to kick him in the back of the neck.
Maybe we can do that paint can thing.
Or the tarantula.
Like you can jump high enough to get him on the neck.
- I would knock him down first.
- With what? I'll tell you with what.
Paint can! How long you been a reporter? Hmm, couple years.
- Hmm.
- It's very brave work.
- Absolutely.
- Officer Moloney.
I'd like a word with you, please.
In private.
I thought you left, Officer Piscatella.
I would never leave my men.
Listen I've been in contact with one of my COs on the inside.
CO Humphrey.
He tells me they are mounting an offensive.
Now, I know a way to breach, undetected I'm gonna stop you right there, Officer, uh uh - Piscatella.
- Right.
Why's that so hard? Look, my men and I could stamp this thing out in five minutes, but the governor's orders are to negotiate.
We cannot reward inmates for this kind of behavior.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
But it sure as shit ain't your call to make, Piscarella.
Tella.
Pisca tella.
You got a nickname or something? Actually, never mind.
Don't care.
Slap the fucking punk.
I'm liking the clean shave.
You could slice those cheeks up real thin, like pastrami.
Right amount of fat in 'em.
What are we talking about? You never wonder what people would taste like? Uh, no.
Takes me about three days of hungry before I start thinkin' 'bout how to cook people.
You had, like, eight bags of Takis today.
Empty calories.
This body needs protein.
I mean, we could be negotiating with, like, Susan Sarandon or something.
The governor is not going to send an actress to negotiate a prison deal.
She's an actrivist.
Don't mean she'll set foot in this shithole.
He's probably gonna send some kind of a human rights attorney.
Like that guy from Attica? William Kunstler is dead.
Like all the good people in this world.
I meant his type.
Look, it don't matter who they send.
All that matters is we show 'em who we are.
That we better than all this shit.
Though I wouldn't mind Mr.
Lee.
- I dig his movies.
- Also dead.
You know, they say that whole family is cursed.
Not Bruce.
Spike.
Crooklyn makes me cry like a baby.
Who the hell is that? I don't know, but she look tough and tasty, like turkey jerky.
Hey, we got a live one.
- Oh! - Serious.
You letting me in? Or are we supposed to negotiate like we're at a 7-Eleven after hours? Man.
Open the doors.
Sorry, Po-Po.
We don't wanna catch swine flu.
- Wait outside the doors.
- But, ma'am, I can't It's fine.
I come in peace, right? I'll be right out here if you need me.
- Thank you.
- Right this way, Ms.
Figueroa.
Nice legs.
I see they've looted all the razors from commissary.
Nah, I shaved this morning.
This just my afternoon shadow.
So, what do you think? I think it's a really bad idea.
I meant the hair.
Oh, Bill, come on, don't be such a wet rag.
Can't we just enjoy the fact that I'm back? I missed you.
Come here.
You know how pissed the cops are gonna be when they see you on television before you've given them a statement? Honey, the only point of giving an exclusive is so you can tell your story to a worldwide audience before you tell it to anybody else.
Don't think that's how the law works.
- We're ready for you, Ms.
King.
- Ah! Finally! All right, time to bathe in a little limelight.
Wash off the stink of that terrible place.
Meredith darling! Judy, it is so good to see you.
You have no idea what a relief it was to hear that you'd been released safely.
Oh, Lord, it was terrible.
I can't even begin to tell you.
Those women? Look.
It's the princess of prison.
Yo! This little mic thing is diggin' into my tit.
I'm moving it.
Can you still hear me okay? 'Cause I got lots to say.
I I didn't realize that there was gonna be another guest.
- Didn't my assistant fill you in? - Mmm-mmm.
The segment is called "Riot Girls.
" Although, I'm still pitching for "Litchfield of Dreams.
" We're on in ten, nine, eight, seven I'm telling you, this where it's at.
- Hot food, stars at night - This ain't hot.
Shit, it's barely food.
Told you we shouldna' traded all our candy for those nunchucks.
Woulda been fine if you hadn't let someone steal our animal crackers.
Why you suddenly so high on starting a revolt against the revolt you started anyway? Hmm.
My extra time never went through.
Slow paperwork or some shit.
I could get home while my kid's still pissing in diapers.
So I'm not risking more years to be part of some hope and change bullshit.
It ain't bullshit.
They're negotiating in there.
Ay! Come on.
That yellow brick road ain't leading no place but Max.
The stars, ladies I'm telling you.
Bigger the star, shorter the life.
I learned that before a planetarium laser show one time.
Hey.
Are you using anything edible to make your colors? Anything you can spare? I think I got some Tang left.
Anything chewable? I don't know.
Make some Tang sandwiches.
- That sounds not good.
- No? What did you get after school? Blended kale and Chia Pets? More like advice on how to starve myself.
Must be nice, having an outlet for all your shit.
- So much shit.
- So much shit.
Hmm.
God, who knew having a conscience would be such a bummer? What do you mean? Do you ever have it where, like 'cause of the guilt, you just feel sick all the time? Like, nauseous almost? I got a lot of emotions about what happened, but guilt ain't one of them.
- Really? - Mmm-hmm.
Even the whole bullet in the guard situation? You know what? I'm sick of you and everyone putting that shit on me.
If Humps hadn't brought that gun in here and been such a dick, maybe he'd still have two good legs to be kicking us around with.
- All right? - Okay.
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map.
All right, you continue painting and I'll go back to not assuming - that everyone has a conscience.
- Mmm-hmm.
It is prison, after all.
You nerds going to Eddy's thing Saturday? - Ugh.
I hate reggaeton.
- Shit, Daya, you got any Puerto Rican in you? Sounds fun.
I'd go.
Damn it.
Man, that still had one puff left in it at least.
Happy now? Like a baby bird being fed by its mama.
Oh, shit.
You guys see that? Oh, my God.
Is he dead? We gotta call the cops.
Are you kidding? We're high as fuck.
- What are you doing? - Scared? Daya, don't.
What the hell? You ain't met Ronny from 302? He does props for, like, movies and shit.
Probably just drying out some corpse he drowned on Law & Order.
- You're an asshole.
- Come on, Claire.
This is bullshit.
Later, nerds.
So, uh you flirting with Paolo? Hell, no.
Puerto Rican guys are too loud and they always late and shit.
You're always late.
Exactly.
Why? Are you into him or something? Yeah.
I think I am.
Like, I wanna go for him.
Nice.
All yours.
But you better make sure he don't make your period late.
Puerto Ricans guys don't like rubbers.
Well, according to my sister, neither do the Irish, the Italians, plain white dudes, black dudes, French dudes, Koreans Your sister real slutty? Nah.
She works at the free clinic.
Tell Doctor Velasco that this is the third time I'm calling.
I need to speak to him, please, about my son.
Benny Mendoza, room 621.
Like I said, ma'am, Doctor Velasco will keep your son's legal guardian informed of any updates Legal guardian? I'm his mother, carajo.
Put him on the fucking phone.
I'm the one that gets the updates.
You care so much, come in here and ask Doctor Velasco yourself.
Oh, I will.
But right now, it's not that easy, right? Because I'm in prison, okay? But you better believe that when I get out, you are the first bitch that I am gonna go find.
Hold hold for a moment.
I'll see if he's available.
Yo, you might be better off with, uh, an anti-psychotic.
If you give me the keys, I'll get you some.
You know what? Just 'cause you dressed up like a trashy Audrey Hepburn doesn't mean you can be such a bitch, okay? I am feeling very sensitive right now.
Aw.
Mmm.
How about you go find somebody else to be your warm fuzzy place, okay? I'm out of that business.
I am not letting you kick me out of this place.
I like it.
Besides, there are laws against it.
I am pregnant.
There is nothing in your womb except for a deep psychosis wrapped in a uterine lining.
So keys, now.
Oh, Nicky.
Thank God.
I need needles.
Ten of them.
- I don't have time to explain.
- Hairless Chewbacca is coming.
All right.
What the fuck are you guys on? I am not enabling here.
Don't be ridiculous.
The needles are for sticking under fingernails, not into veins.
Although, maybe we should shoot him up with something.
What is that stuff they use in the movies to make the spies weak and talky? Breasts.
Look, why don't you guys come in here and then we can strategize.
There's no time.
Uh quickly.
We'll sagetize very, very quickly.
So fast.
Come on.
- Oh, for God's sake - Calm down.
Hey.
You can't lock me in here.
Loca mierda.
I don't like what you just called me.
Even though I don't know what it means.
- Come on, Nicky.
- What is this? What is this? What? Is this an So it's actual human flesh attached to a pencil? Oh, good.
What the fuck, Red? What did you give her? Hey, I'm no pusher.
We make our own adult decisions, me and the mad Russian.
- They're vitamins.
- Yeah.
- See? - Oh, yeah? Fucking shit.
Oh, yeah.
Do your vitamins usually have an identification number on them? It's pharmaceutical-grade speed.
The bottle says vitamins.
Who am I to question? So if I just take a shit in a can and I label it "chili," you gonna eat that? God, that is a horrible image.
What? I should have known better.
Or maybe I did know and I did it anyway.
But Nicky, this is important.
We're so close to getting Piscatella inside and proving he's a murderer.
Why don't we table this conversation until you come down and start making some sense? Piscatella killed an inmate at his last prison.
We are luring him inside to get a signed confession.
And then we are going to show the whole world what he did.
Uh-huh.
So you are, uh, luring him in here? We're even doing Humps' voice and everything.
Yeah? Fuck.
What the fuck, Red? All right, do you wanna get us all killed? Huh? Hey.
What do you call someone who ain't doing their community service? I'd say that's violating probation.
See? Probation.
Pronation is when you're really positive about the country, or, like, when your feet go out.
Yeah, well, nothing would have went out.
People would have been perfectly happy with their desirable beverages if two shitbags I know didn't piss in my yellow drink.
Ow! My finger.
- What'd you do? - I didn't fucking touch her.
My shot-off finger started to hurt the second she got close to it.
Oh, like ghost pains? Tell her to stay away from me.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave while Leanne uses the shower.
Well, I wasn't plannin' on pissin' in the shower today, so.
You're not listening to me.
This is a Penn-free zone now.
Means you gotta stay 300 feet away from Leanne at all times.
Well, I don't see no motherfucking judge to sign off on that one.
The justice system didn't do its job, so we're doing it.
See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.
Okay.
Now, we're gonna play a game called Circle Jerk.
Raise your hand if you've ever played.
Circle Jerk? Like where guys sit around in a circle and Stroke each other's backs.
The first one to get tired is the jerk.
Yep.
That's definitely how I've played it.
Thank God.
This is, uh surprisingly not as terrifying as I thought.
Uh, agree to disagree.
Whoa! The secret is using a gentle, feather-like motion.
My cousins and I, we used to practice during summer vacations in Wichita until Meemaw found us and said we were headed towards a fiery lake of burning sulfur, by which she meant hell.
But maybe that was because my cousin Hunter's penis was out.
Ugh.
Man, I'm sick of season recaps.
Like sniffin' a bag of Doritos and not bein' able to snack strong.
Don't talk about food.
I'm starving.
You sure you don't have any more candy? Am I sure? Why you think I'm lying here so quiet? Trying to preserve my energy.
Shit.
Oh.
Negotiations are starting.
Ooh.
Who they send? Queen Bey? I mean, 'cause she'd wrap this shit up in, like, two sequins flat.
Some lady named Figueroa.
What? Damn.
Man, that White Walker gonna eat us alive.
And she won't gain a pound neither.
Come on, let's go.
Uh, yeah.
Who's gonna watch the Insane Clown Posse? All right, Duck, Duck, Goose over.
We taking our hostages back.
No.
No, wait.
We didn't even get to play Left Foot Art yet.
Ladies, ladies If you keep 'em here till Suzanne gets tired, that's half a Twix, and another half if you put her crazy ass to bed by 8:00.
I thought you said you didn't have any more candy.
You don't break the glass unless it's an emergency.
You wanna know why I said yes when the governor asked me to do this? Because I read this list and I thought this is clear and forward thinking and has the potential to effect change.
Real change.
And I want to be part of that.
So I am here to help.
Yeah, what's the catch? Thank you, Ms.
Figueroa.
I know we're gonna do some real good work here.
Agreed.
But you have to help me help you.
- You're gonna have to give a little.
- See? See? There it is.
- Always a catch.
- As eloquent as these demands are, they completely fail to take into account our current economic climate.
The BOP's private prison budget is restrictive and far too complex for me to explain to you here, but trust me, it definitively prohibits us from meeting all of these demands.
- Please.
- However let's focus on the positives.
See what we can do.
Yeah.
Let's focus on the positive.
Ah! Go to church, T.
Hit 'em with that hallelujah.
See, I got my own stack of paper, Ms.
Figueroa.
- Come on, T.
- And I'm positive that a simple rebalancing of MCC's complex budget, be enough to finance - all of our demands.
- Ms.
Jefferson - Tell her, T.
- Mmm-hmm.
We got the Internet now.
World Wide Web.
And Mr.
Caputo's files.
We know what you know.
And we know that MCC's been spending 20% less per inmate than the federal government did.
We also know that MCC's CEO been making bank off our backs.
Like, $3.
4 million-in-bonuses bank.
And that's only talking last year.
So the money is there, Ms.
Figueroa.
We know it.
- We know it.
- You know it.
You know it.
The question is, what are we gonna do about it? What you gon' do about it? - Mmm-hmm.
- Yes! That's my girl.
Whoo! You go, girl.
We're gonna work on that.
How you holding up in there? Fan-fucking-tastic.
You got a cigarette? I didn't know you smoked.
Anything to mask the smell.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I got a favor to ask.
You think I'm in a position to grant favors? I need furlough.
Please, don't make me laugh.
I don't want to breathe any harder than I have to.
I know how it sounds, but I'm serious.
I gotta get out, Mr.
Caputo.
- I need a miracle.
- That makes two of us.
Uh, my boy, Benny he's in ICU.
Got himself jumped by some thugs.
Dislocated his jaw.
Knocked out most of his teeth.
He hasn't woken up yet.
Doctor says that he, um, he got a hematoma on his brain.
Shit.
Mendoza, I'm sorry.
You know, Benny's teeth didn't even come in till after he was one? Um the pictures from his first birthday, all gums.
We had to mush up his, uh, Barney cake.
And then when his teeth finally came in, they came in all at once.
One behind the other.
I swear, that that kid didn't sleep for six months.
Hell, I didn't sleep for six months.
What if, um What if he gets up and I'm not there? What if he doesn't and I'm here, man? I'm here.
Smelling other people's shit.
I can't do anything from in here.
You know that.
- Maybe if you let me out - What? And get myself jumped by all those crazy bitches out there? Unless you can guarantee me that I'm gonna end up in the same ICU as Benny, I don't see what good that's gonna do me.
Please, Mr.
Caputo.
Some of us have actually been trying to do good during all this shit.
If you can make it to my office, press three on the office phone.
Maybe somebody there can do something for you.
But Mendoza, help is not free.
You want out? You're gonna have to help end this thing.
So, ladies, let me ask you: What do you think inspired this sudden movement for change inside Litchfield? Movement? It's a damn riot.
Well, Meredith, I think this is all happening on the heels of losing one of our young inmates, Ms.
Poussey Washington.
Such an enormous loss.
She was my mentee, you know.
I Well, more than that, she was my friend.
Judy, I'm sorry.
- That must be devastating for you - For her? This ain't about one person, living or dead.
This is about all of us.
And what they're doing to us while we in there.
And what they ain't doing.
- Mmm.
- We need some education, some rehabilitation, but we ain't getting nothing 'cause they want us to fail out here.
Those prison companies? They want us to keep going back in because we the easiest product for them to restock.
No, no.
Ms.
Diaz is right.
Those private prisons are awful.
Uh, the food, guards always frisking us up Oh, please, ain't no guard ever touched you.
'Cept for that doughy one that smelled like weed.
But you liked that, didn't you? - Well, I would never - Oh, please! Don't act like you ain't busy giving up that wrinkled piece of ass every chance you got.
Bitches saw him leaving your room.
- Ms.
Diaz, please - Yeah, that's right.
Her room.
As in, with a door and Chesterfield cookies and people hand-plucking her leg hairs and shit.
What? Uh, Meredith, this woman has no idea what she's talking about.
She left the prison before the riot even started.
I was the one who witnessed the shooting.
I can still hear it ringing in my ears.
Did you say there was a shooting? Oh.
Well, it it was awful.
I I was standing no more than two feet away when an inmate came up and shot one of the guards in cold blood.
I believe his name was Humphrey.
I Well, now I don't know whether that was his first name or his last name.
I it could go either way.
Can you give us any more details about the incident? Well, I don't remember the name of the inmate who shot him.
Well, you might know her, Ms.
Diaz.
That Spanish girl that doesn't speak Spanish? You know, one with the puffy lips.
Mmm? - This CO who was shot, CO Humphrey.
- Mmm-hmm? Did he survive? Well, yes, but the last time I saw him he could barely speak.
I'm afraid he is facing quite a long recovery.
Well, this is all extremely shocking.
- We're gonna take a break - Humphrey.
Wasn't that the CO you were in contact with? Uh, must have been one of my other COs using his phone.
Right.
- Wait, Officer, uh - Piscatella.
This was part of your plan, right? Storm in there and decoupage them into submission? It's freaking awesome.
Where did you find that? My wife.
Big on Pinterest.
Mendoza, you all right? Come have some food.
You're looking paler than Elvira over here.
If you think that's an insult, you're wrong.
No, thank you.
Maritza, if you're gonna have food, you gotta put it on the table for everybody to share.
What? That's bullshit.
- Socialism is what it is.
- Yeah, stop turning this into Cuba.
Oh, I'll turn it into fucking Guantánamo, unless you put that bottle down.
Whatever.
We didn't want to join your revolution anyway.
Everybody knows that Che was just overcompensating 'cause he couldn't grow enough facial hair.
I believe his name was Humphrey.
Oh, fuck.
You guys, look, Aleida's on TV.
Against Judy King.
Can you give us any more details about the incident? Well, I don't remember the name of the inmate who shot him.
Well, you might know her, Ms.
Diaz.
That Spanish girl that doesn't speak Spanish? - Oh, shit.
- You know, one with the puffy lips.
This CO who was shot, CO Humphrey All right.
That's just easy math.
It's only a matter of time before they come in here to get her.
Then what? You gonna hand her in? No.
I'm in no position to judge what she did, trust me.
This is all extremely shocking.
We're gonna take a break, then we'll be back with more of "Riot Someone's got to tell her.
I got it.
This is so sad.
I know.
It's like when Van Gogh cut off his ear.
How is it anything like that? I don't know.
It's the only sad artist story I know.
- What am I gonna do? - You're gonna talk to your mother.
Come on.
Deal with your life.
You always say that I'm not your mother, and you're right.
I'm somebody else's mother and I got to go deal with that.
Fuck her.
I don't wanna talk to her.
You think I wanna talk to her after she fucked up my life? Aleida's a piece of work, but this? This ain't on her.
If she hadn't been trying to get famous out there, then that food bitch wouldn't have said anything.
You think this shit was gonna stay a secret? And you a mother now, too.
You think that means that you always make the right choice? Because from where I'm standing, you sure don't look like it.
Gloria, what was I supposed to do? The gun fell in front of me.
Everybody was screaming.
He was acting like a fucking prick.
Oh! So he made you shoot him? No, it was those bitches.
No, it was your mother and those bitches.
She made you do it, and everything else that's fucked up in your life.
Huh? Right? Where were you when all this was going on, huh? That gun may have landed in front of you, but it was your finger that pulled that damn trigger.
You did that.
You did that! Look And I know that sometimes our only choices are between shitty and shittier, but whatever we end up doing, we gotta own it.
Somehow find grace in it.
Come on.
The bodega was out of the wing ones, so I got you the extra-long.
Thanks.
That guy that works there, what's his name? - Paolo? - He asked about you.
That's not embarrassing at all.
- Why? You like him or something? - No.
'Cause I think he got a little crush on you.
We're friends.
I known him forever.
Mmm.
Well, your friend got manners.
Introducing himself to your mother? That's the kind of guy that's gonna open car doors for you and shit.
Good thing I can open my own doors.
What? You trying to tell me you ain't into that dimple of his? Please.
Claire likes him, okay? So? That means you can't like him? I didn't see no flag planted in his ass.
That blanquita is bland.
Like french fries with no salt.
She's my friend.
She ain't gonna get no boricua.
Be your own friend.
Daya, you got to look out for yourself.
Otherwise, you ain't gonna get shit in life.
You hear me? Of course the guards will be replaced.
It's not like any of them will want to come back here anyway.
It ain't enough to just replace 'em.
How do we know they won't be bringing the same type of mess back in here again? The new guards need to be like the ones we used to have.
- You mean fat and lazy? - I mean trained.
- And human.
- Human.
Except for that one guard with the mustache.
Hey, what was his name? I think it was Spanish or something.
- Pornstache.
- Yeah.
- Pornstache.
- One second.
Yeah.
Yes.
Four down, six to go.
T, you was killing the motherfucking game! Yes! Son! Miss Jefferson, I've just been informed a CO was shot and injured by an inmate.
You neglected to mention that.
- Ms.
Figueroa - Even if the governor decides to continue with these negotiations, and that's a big "if," amnesty is definitely off the table.
Wait.
What? You claimed there was no violence.
We said there was no casualties.
People can't go around shooting guards with impunity.
Sends a bad message.
They're bluffing.
They want us to turn against each other.
But the second we start splintering, they gain the upper hand.
No.
Why should we pay for what one person did? I say we hand her in.
A classic deontological dilemma.
The train experiment? Anybody? - Mmm-mmm.
- Nope.
The fuck is that? Okay.
A train is coming and you see five people are tied to the track.
But you don't have time to untie them, but if you pull a lever, the train will go to a side track.
Problem is, there's also a person tied to that track.
A person you will knowingly kill because of your actions.
So, do you let the train continue and do you kill five, or do you pull the lever and you kill one? Do you value the right and wrong of actions themselves, or do you value the right and wrong of the consequences of those actions? I pull the lever.
Damn, girl.
You didn't even think about that one for a second.
I got a daughter to go home to.
She's utilitarian.
I'd pull it, too.
No.
We can't let them divide us.
We want justice for Poussey or not? - Mmm.
- Yes.
Stay.
We're gonna go get somebody.
Come on.
Hey.
Since when do these lines get so long out here? Since a third of the prison population moved outside and two of the porta-potties are being used as jails.
Plus, the Ghetto bathroom overflowed and people are making hooch in the Suburb toilets.
I don't know if I can wait that much longer, you know.
Just visualize closing your urethra.
Close your urethra.
- I am.
- Fuck! Fuck, that! Fuck! Come on! Let me out! Get me the fuck out.
Don't cry.
You're not alone.
And you have abs like a chocolate bar that I'd lick in my dreams.
Do you want me to sing you a song? No.
Just get me the fuck out of here! My nose! - Go.
- Go.
Piss elsewhere.
Move.
Get me - the fuck out of here! - Hmm.
Back the fuck away.
You back away, you hall-pissing, guard-loving, finger-shooting hillbilly.
Aw.
Didn't your mommy potty train you? Careful, Ang.
You don't know what kind of diseases she got from that guard.
She probably has chlamydia chowder all over her underwear.
Good one.
Keep lookin' and you're gonna find me I swear.
Face looks weird.
Doesn't her face look weird? Come on.
This hallway reeks.
Coño, he's coming and we ain't got no booby traps.
Okay.
Can you relax please? I'll get him to back off.
I'm kind of good at this shit.
Open the fucking door or I'm gonna dig into those flat little tits of yours and get the key myself! Okay.
For your information, these titties are fuller than they've ever been.
Although they are very painful.
And you are a pain in my ass.
Why don't you just get the fuck out of here? Okay.
No, not you! Flores is right.
There's no stopping him.
He'll burn this place to the ground.
Relax.
Right? Concrete don't burn.
Lorna's taking care of it, all right? You're okay.
You know, you just feel like this 'cause it's Suicide Sunday.
It's Sunday? My God.
How long has this riot lasted? Suicide Sunday.
Not real Sunday.
That's when you've been high for too long.
Friday, Saturday, life's just a, uh, rush of possibility, you know? Maybe you even feel like you're not such a worthless piece of shit for a minute.
And then Sunday comes along.
And your heart is like a jackhammer on your brain and you realize that none of it was real.
And you want to claw your eyes out.
This is just, uh, part of the ride.
Is this what it's like for you, Nicky? Uh, less so now.
Uh I have spent a lot of time in this neck of the woods, Red.
Oh, I'm sorry.
We do fucked-up things when we're fucked up, right? It's par for the course.
Be angry with me.
I am not feeling it, Red.
And this pharmaceutical stumble is evoking more compassion than rage.
- Like, maybe even a tiny bit of mirth.
- Oh.
All right? But I'm trying to keep a lid on it.
Oh! Oh, I did it! "Standing down.
Staying posted for the next go-ahead.
" See that, Red? There's, uh, nothing to worry about.
Hey! Ladies, can I help you? - Where's Diaz? - Not here.
- Yo, we ain't fucking around.
- Neither are we.
- Alex.
- What's going on, Pipes? Pulling the lever.
Diaz needs to turn herself in.
Or riot amnesty is off the table for everyone.
We're sacrificing the one for the many.
And what's the difference between her and me? Hey.
You shot a motherfucking guard and you gonna "hey" me? What the fuck is wrong with you? Everything, apparently.
Where'd you get a goddamn gun? I don't know.
He brought it.
That Humps guy.
You're humping the guard? What is with you and guard fucking? Jesus! No.
No, Hump is his name.
I wouldn't fuck that crazy asshole.
He's the one that was doing all that fucked-up shit to everyone.
- So, it was self-defense.
- No.
He was on the ground with his hands in the air and there were, like, 50 people that could've grabbed him.
But then I shot him.
I didn't think it was a big deal.
It was just his leg.
He was fine at first.
But I don't know what happened.
Now he can't move or talk.
Good.
That's good.
How is that good? Here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna tell them he brought the gun in before and put that shit in your mouth and threatened to blow your head off because he's a fucking psycho.
Nobody's gonna believe that.
It's your word against a Brussels sprout.
- Brussels sprout? - Pick another vegetable! Whatever! The point is, he's dead in the head and can't defend himself.
But you still can.
Just please, stop already.
You got to stop being a manatee, Daya.
Just floating around, watching the world go by you with your big eyes, waiting for the boat to ram its propeller into your head! You got to be the shark.
No, you're the shark, Ma.
But that don't mean I'm the fucking manatee.
What up? Knew you had that boricua in you somewhere.
Yo, Claire, wait up.
What are you doing? Daya, I've known you since the first grade.
If something was gonna happen between us, it would've happened by now.
Don't you think? I'm into Claire.
I thought you knew that.
I like Diaz and all, but we can't all go down for what she did.
You can't pull the lever.
You got to let fate take its course, or it comes back to haunt you.
Fuck that.
You got to grab fate by the balls and make it do what you want.
For real.
All right.
I know what I want.
I can't make it do anything.
We could zip-tie him to the bed and do a mustache rodeo.
Or prop his dick up with some popsicle sticks and duct tape.
Okay, um so according to my Italian, they're either going to ride my horse or eat ice cream on me.
I'm wagering that you're the ice cream in this scenario.
What if we put something up his ass? You know if you tickle his prostate right, you get a rise out of him.
- Mmm.
- Or we make him watch porn.
Yeah.
What kind of porn you like? What? Doesn't look good for you, man.
Aw, look at you.
Oh I bet your meat's all tender and juicy like them baby cows in Japan that drink beer and get massaged and shit.
Hey, you don't want my meat.
I never get massages.
Ain't your meat I'm after.
I want that bone you pop when you're scared.
Ow.
Ah! What? I ain't scary enough for you? Uh, no, you're terrifying.
Uh, really.
Your teeth, especially.
Uh, but I have a long refractory period following ejaculation.
So, um it'll at least be a few hours.
You came in the bubble? - When? - I'm subtle.
And, uh, I was already wet with pee.
So it was easier to hide.
I know a few things we can do while we wait, though.
The fuck? He doesn't seem to be enjoying this game.
And Meemaw says you don't touch private parts in public, even if we are family.
All right, yo! Fuck! Enough! Man, fuck that half a Twix.
We takin' our guards back.
Wait! Wait! No.
Five minutes.
Look.
No, three.
No, ten.
Oh, no.
Hey.
Go find somebody else to play with.
What happened to your friend, huh? The one that looks like Sloth from Goonies? No, I hate sloths! They only urinate and defecate once a week, and they have to do it in the same place every time.
Huge Darwinian disadvantage.
Oh, please.
I could go with you.
I'll be good.
- See? Look, I'll be good.
- Fuck, dude.
God damn! Got a cousin like this, man.
She's all fun and loopy, until she stab you in the thigh with your eighth grade karate trophy.
- Get the - Oh, fuck that! Come Oh, please.
Tie her to the bunk.
No.
No! - Vamo.
- Stop that! Please! Help! Help! No.
Don't.
No.
No! Come on, you you don't have to do that.
Yeah, I don't have to kick your ass either, but keep talkin'.
No, don't do this! - Go.
- Please! Hey, Boo.
- Let me talk to you.
- Uh, I'm a little busy right now.
Yeah, I can see that.
But I don't think you understand, okay? I'm being fuck I'm being persecuted.
Like Jesus.
They won't even let me go to the fucking bathroom, dude.
I just had to piss in the hallway.
Let me tell you something, tile is not like grass.
It splashed back up on me.
Ew, gross.
I'm so sorry.
I just have, like, weird associations with pee.
- It's a long story.
- Okay.
Look, kid, I know.
I'm sorry you're having some issues.
But you're just gonna need to find somebody else - to help you unravel this drama, okay? - What? - Boo, you're my best friend.
- I know.
And we will continue digging into that incredibly deep shit well of yours uh, as soon as I'm done getting laid, like, seven or eight more times.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Come on.
I'm having feelings, girl.
You know, like, I think I might actually be in love.
I got to get her addicted to my pheromones.
Uh, we got a meth problem.
Uh, my finger.
It's it's hurting again.
Looks like someone needs to vacate the premises.
Yeah, no problem.
Was thinking the same thing.
- Get her off! - Pennsatucky! - Get off her! - Pennsatucky! Oh-ho-ho! Maybe now you'll listen! You can't rehab a monster! She needs to be locked up for everyone's safety! No, I don't! It's not even fair! You guys fucking terrorize me every single day! I can't even take a piss? I told you! I told you you would find me.
- You broke my fucking nose! - Good! First, she mutilates my finger, now she's breaking people's noses? Lock her up! Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo! Coño.
Hey, don't leave your shit lying there.
Shut up.
Leave me alone.
There she go.
I hope that, for her sake, your sister jumped out the window.
Go ahead.
Talk to me like that again.
Aw, fuck.
Is this about the fish? 'Cause I told your sister to clean the damn tank after she put glitter in it.
I think she wanted to turn him into a mermaid.
Merman.
Whatever.
There isn't a single thing you don't ruin, is there? It ain't about the fish.
What is it? You can tell me.
Claire won't talk to me.
Paolo's too embarrassed to even look at me.
And I had to pretend I got detention during lunch 'cause I didn't have no one to sit with.
That's it? Shit.
I thought that pervert PE teacher with the glasses touched you again.
Bitches come and go.
That's why they're called bitches, not lap dogs.
I did not want her to go.
I don't know why I listen to you.
Leave me alone.
Go away.
Oh, I'm going.
But I'm not gonna get back till late.
So feed the kids! I will now connect you to the number you requested.
- Hello? - Ms.
Powell? - Yes? - It's Dayanara.
Diaz.
Oh.
My goodness.
How are you doing? Are you are you okay? Not really.
No.
I I was so sorry to hear about the baby, Dayanara.
I I was gonna call you, but I wanted to respect your mourning.
And, uh you know, I I guess I was grieving a little bit, too.
I did It ain't true.
- What? - My mom.
She lied about the baby.
She's alive.
I'm sorry.
I should have told you.
She's She? Yeah.
Armaria.
But she's in foster care.
And I don't want her to be there.
It don't turn you out right.
She needs to have a shot.
Amaria.
That is so pretty.
Is that her? No.
Armaria.
You need to learn how to say it right.
Let me talk to her.
And make sure that your friends and her teachers and stuff say it right, too.
'Cause it's important.
I mean unless you don't want her.
Oh.
Okay, look.
This is, uh This is a lot to process.
I I thought the baby was gone and now I don't know.
I I can't even wrap my head around this.
My baby's alive? Our baby? Mama.
Mama, let me talk to Daya.
Georgie, stop it! Your probation says no contact.
I I'm here.
Please.
I know this whole thing is so messed up.
But I just I'm not gonna let anyone change my mind ever again.
This is my decision.
I want you to have her.
You're gonna be good to her.
I know you are.
Please.
If I agree to take her If you agree, then she's yours.
Not just for the time that I'm here, but for real.
I want you to reinvent her.
Don't even tell her about me.
I want her to have a shot at something normal.
Please, Mommy.
Please.
She's my family.
I have a daughter.
Oh I guess I - I think I could do that.
- Yeah.
Oh, God.
Thank you, Mommy.
Thank you, Mrs.
Powell.
Look, I ain't gonna tell you how to raise her or the kind of life that she should have or whatever.
It's not like I'd know, anyhow.
But if you could give her some space, you know? Like, when she's learning how to walk, you got to let her try.
Even if she falls sometimes.
Or a lot of times.
But when she does don't be the kind of mom who picks her up, dusts her off and pretends like nothing happened.
You got to be okay with her crying.
And fucking up.
'Cause she will.
'Cause she's mine.
It's in her blood, you know? It's gonna It's gonna be okay.
Yeah.
It's gonna be okay.
I got to go.
Just wait, please.
And? I don't know what to tell you, ladies.
The governor is not comfortable with me continuing under these circumstances.
We tried, but It took a little bit longer than we thought.
It's pretty crazy out there.
Come on.
You'll be okay.
- Come on, guys.
- Come on.
Come on.
You do not have to do this.
Pennsatucky, man Penns? - Get in.
- No.
- Get in there! - Get in! You'd think they'd find a place to put 'em that wouldn't interfere with our squirt and dirt.
Well, that one was starting to overflow anyway.
But, lucky me, I can't smell a thing.
Jack Pearson's office.
How may I help you?