Rescue Me s05e08 Episode Script
Iceman
Previously on rescue me What if you never see him again? And I also started drinking again.
But let me explain.
- And that is so stupid.
- It's--it's not stupid.
I got--I figured it out.
I have a system.
I can control it.
Hook a brother up with a long island iced tea.
- Who's gonna know? - I will.
Besides, I told your mom I'm watching out for you.
I'm not gonna send you to school in the morning all hungover and shit.
You know, you're already playing catch up as it is, dame.
And, um, do you want to come? Are you--are you asking me out on a date? - I should buy you a drink.
- We're opening our bar tonight.
- Well, I'll see you later.
- Ok.
- Bye.
- Bye bye.
What you're telling me as my best friend is that not in a million years would this girl ever think about - taking me to bed, right? - Never.
Never! - The reptilian, repugnant creature that I am.
- Your words, your words.
I have been a goddamn fool.
Because all these years, tom, i thought that we were friends, and we're not.
You don't have to worry about teddy anymore.
You know how he was banged up after your father died.
Right.
He's running around volunteering at every single V.
A.
Hospital there is.
It's not right when the man in the relationship knows less in the sack than his lady does.
I gotta get out of this.
Yeah, well, what are you gonna do about the father? How do I tell tommy his daughter's a slut? By phone.
From another state.
How much is it to pop the kidney out? Well, you're insured through the fire department, right? No, see, I can't use my insurance company.
I don't want the fire department to know.
It seems that our mademoiselle doesn't really like our mr.
Gavin so much to the degree that she was willing to engage me in a good old-fashioned grudge hump.
All right, bitches, all set outside.
Let's wrap it up in here and go hit the strip club.
- Yeah, baby.
- Oh, my god.
Franco, we just did a full tour in the firehouse.
We had 5 fires in 2 days, and now you're talking about tits and ass? That's all you can talk about?Jesus.
Um, actually, yes.
Not to mention, scores serves sandwiches till closing time.
- Really? - Yeah, really.
All right, let's hurry up and get over there.
My man.
Yo, yo, yo, bro.
We're closed, man.
I hear this is the hottest joint downtown.
Models and good tunes.
Yeah, between the hours of 10:00 and 3:30, ok? Some come back tomorrow.
Ok.
Sorry.
Goddamn.
Guys, I'm gonna need somebody else on the door if black shawn ain't coming back, ok.
You know, got to get somebody to work for him tomorrow down at the firehouse.
So, wait, he's still not back at work? Nobody knows where he is? I got a message from him saying he's up in boston.
I know he's got a cousin in the department up there.
He hasn't called colleen.
She's out of her mind.
You know something, if we keep covering for him like this, needles finds out, asshole mode he's in, trouble in river city.
I hope he's not pulling this disappearing act because, you know, he knows I found out about what went on with him and colleen.
What? Guys, I know.
We work in a firehouse.
I know everything you guys know.
All right, and believe me, I say this as a dad.
You know, no dad could be prouder to find out that his daughter is terrible in bed.
- Right.
- That's right.
- Yeah.
- You know what, to colleen.
May she continue to make tommy's life miserable for many, many, many more years to come.
Here, here.
Mike, do me a favor.
Call shawn in the morning, will you, find out what's going on.
Ok.
Holy shit, guys.
Another 8 grandioso.
- Oh, yeah.
- Really?Awesome.
Nice.
You know, we gotta give some of this to charity, don't you think? Yeah, that's a good idea.
That's a good idea, right? Hey, charity.
Yeah.
Yeah, let's not do that.
That sucks.
What's wrong with you? You know, guys, my mother made all this possible.
You know, maybe we should give it to like a cancer charity or something.
Yeah.
Yeah, that is a really good idea, actually.
Well, wait a second, shitbird.
I thought you said we we weren't doing it.
Hey, come on.
A little, you know--jesus.
I mean, people with cancer, they have issues, franc.
Jesus christ.
You know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take a little bit of this, and I'm going to make a donation in mike's mom's name.
Whoa, whoa, hold up.
Before you give all our money away, - what kind of cancer are we giving to? - Yeah.
I don't know, ass, face, skin, brains, all of it.
- Cock? - Cock and balls.
Everything.
All right, I'm in.
Sweet.
What about dogs with cancer? Hey, dogs are welcome.
- All right, I'm in.
- Sweet.
Breasts? Breast cancer.
How about that? Oh, yeah.
Well, what?I mean, we're going to a titty bar.
It's like an investment, you know.
I got it, cat cancer.
Titty bar made me think of pussy and, you know.
All set downstairs, boys.
Hey, derek, we're creating a special slush fund for cancer research.
You want in? Cock, tits, ass, animal, all taken.
What about the liver? - I'll drink to that.
- Duh.
Yeah.
Of course, the liver.
Come on, boys, belly up.
Toast to us.
Uh, derek and tommy, I'm gonna pour you guys a little shot of ginger ale since you're girly boys who can't handle your booze.
To us, gents.
To, uh, garbage bags full of cash.
To liver cancer.
- Here.
- Cheers.
Bam.
Let's go, boys.
The strippers aren't going to shove dollar bills between their own jugs.
You know, you guys go ahead.
I'm gonna stay and, you know, close up shop, take care of the money.
No, it's ok, I got it.
Don't worry about it.
No, no, it's fine.
I got like a place where I hide it.
It's very secretive, you know.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna keep it at lou's place.
So it's not a big thing.
All right, but I know how to retain it and everything.
It's my job.
- You know what I mean, it's my job.
- It's not your job tonight.
I got it.
Ok? - You got it? - I just said I got it.
Ok.
All right, you got it.
You guys go ahead.
Have a good time at scores.
All right? And, you know, I can give you guys a couple of tips that will actually help you guys out there.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
When you get to the strip club, instead of going inside, just bang your head against the wall outside, take the money out of your pocket, and light it on fire.
You'll still wake up in the morning with a raging headache, your dick in your hand, and no money, but at least you won't be late for work.
See you.
We're going to be late for work tomorrow.
Yeah, that's what I figured.
- Bye, asshole.
- See you, douchebag.
King of the douchebags, ok.
My title deserves a little respect.
Yeah, whatever.
You all set? I ain't gonna go to scores.
You want me to stay? No, no, I'm good.
You sure?You're gonna be by yourself in a room full of booze.
Yeah, I'm good.
- You sure? - I'm your sponsor.
Come on, i know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, but bottom line, tommy, we're both just a couple of drunks.
Yeah, but I'm a higher ranking drunk than you, so if A.
A.
Was like an army, I'd be a 5-star general, and you're just a grunt.
Take it as an order.
I'm fine.
Get out of here.
- Yes, sir.
- All right.
Bye.
Proudly Presents Season 5 Episode 08 I love you.
I always loved you.
I know I never told you often enough.
You were the best goddamn center fielder in high school.
And on ice, heh heh, tough as nails.
Not to mention the way you fight fire.
You put every other fireman I ever knew to absolute goddamn shame.
I should have said this shit when I was alive.
But hell, I'm saying it now.
You are the best goddamn son a father could ever hope for.
You happy now? - Yeah.
- Well, get over it.
Because if you believe all that, I got some land down in florida I might want to sell you.
Now give me a goddamn drink.
Middletons, not that bottom shelf shit.
He was a pretty good center fielder.
No bat, hell of a glove.
I'll take the bottom shelf shit.
- Jameson'S.
- What is that with you? Budweiser, jameson's, always the low-rent shit.
Hey, you know what, I like the way it tastes.
I could give a shit about what people think.
He's a great fireman.
No bustin' balls.
He's too risky.
Gets the job done.
You know how many people would be dead but for him breaking rules, taking chances? Lot of kids would be on this side of the bar.
Most guys, they play it safe.
Him, he pushes the envelope.
Like, um, what's his name? Who's that quarterback? He used to scramble around like a goddamn maniac.
Doug flutie? He's the doug flutie of fire? That's funny, dad.
Hey, flutie, where we you on 9/11? Yeah, doug, where were you? Don't give me that, you know, "if only I knew that you were running into the second tower" bullshit.
I only ran in because-- well, because it was the next goddamn job.
But you, i can't figure it out.
What were you waiting for? Too much of a goddamn pussy to go in? First tower comes down, they're yelling, "pull out! Pull out!" All I know is if you're a fireman and you ain't carrying someone else and you've still got 2 legs and 2 goddamn feet, you move on to the next goddamn job.
Doug flutie, my ass.
Doug flutie would have run in.
No balls, tom.
No balls at all.
- I was looking for you, asshole.
- Why, huh? - Jesus christ.
- Holy shit.
Don't tell me you were afraid.
- What? - He was afraid.
- I was worried.
- About what? - You.
- Me? Thousands of other people needing to be rescued.
You worried about me? - You were scared.
- Shut up.
No, you were scared to go into the second tower on your own.
I think you were afraid to go up the first time, so you were hoping that you could find some bullshit reason so you could stay downstairs.
Makes all kinds of sense right now.
This is it, right?This is it, pops.
This is it, ain't it? - That ain't it.
- This is it.
This is the nail right on the goddamn head.
- I'm warning you, johnny.
- Warning me how? This makes perfect, complete sense here.
Wait, wait, you didn't want to go in, tom? Of course I wanted to go in.
You didn't want to go in.
Holy shit.
Shut your fat cop face, johnny, ok.
- You don't know shit about it.
- Why? 'Cause you're a cop.
You don't know shit about it.
I know a bullshit rap when i hear it.
I swear on my kids' souls, johnny.
You're a goddamn coward.
All this show.
All the balls.
All the bravado.
Running in like a madman.
Tommy "goddamn" gavin, the firefighter with the biggest cock on the goddamn block.
You know what, it's all bullshit, bro.
You know why? 'Cause the one day-- the one goddamn day that your department, that your crew, that your goddamn country needed you the most, you froze up like a goddamn needle-ass little dick.
Anybody else want some? You're all right, you're all right.
It's all right.
It's all right.
Get up.
I wish you boys could learn to get along.
Jeez.
When we were riding down in the rig that morning, I think we were figuring out what we were gonna do.
I was ok, so was he.
Getting off the rig, fine.
Going in, going up, coming out, the first couple of saves, all good.
Even as the building was coming down.
The rumble, all instinct.
Run, roll, cover, fine.
But after rubbed all that shit out of my eyes, out of my ears, couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything.
You never told us what to do after, did you? Running up the beach on d-day, huh? Guys on the left of you, the right of you getting their heads blown off.
You kept running up the beach.
Hitler's holy hell.
We heard all about that, right? D-day.
The marching to berlin.
Goddamn concentration camps.
Going in, freeing everybody up.
We heard all about that.
Goddamn hero.
Goddamn decorated hero.
What were we supposed to do after? You never told us what you did after.
Far as I could tell, you just keep your goddamn mouth shut unless you're opening it to pour booze in.
And you cheat on your wife.
That's all i knew about after, you asshole.
You goddamn son of a bitch.
Goddamn teddy, vietnam.
Goddamn million gooks dead, 50,000 americans.
Goddamn won the war.
What did he do when he came home? After? Drink, fight, cheat on his wife.
I ain't no goddamn coward.
I got goddamn medals out the ass, asshole.
Proves I'm a hero.
God, bombs going off, buildings coming down.
I know exactly what to do.
If it happened right now, if this bar blew up, I'd know exactly what to do.
Kids, marriage.
That's where--that's where I suck.
That's where I really suck.
That shit that scares the balls off of me.
Here I am after, surrounded by booze and dead assholes.
Thanks.
Get up slow.
Ok.
This is how it's gonna go.
You're gonna take that bag of cash I saw earlier.
Yeah.
You're gonna hand it over to me.
And if you so much as twitch a muscle while you're doing it, I'm gonna blow your goddamn head off.
- Capiche? - Ok.
Listen to me, there's no cash with me.
They took the bag with them when they¡ª Asshole, I saw them leave.
No bag.
Get it.
Now.
Ok.
We have security cameras in here, you know.
You don't got shit.
You're running an illegal joint under the table and off the books, asshole.
- Nice and easy.
- Ok.
Ok, take the money out of the bag.
Put it down so I can see it.
And you're gonna put it back in.
Very slowly.
If you play your cards right, I'm going to leave quietly, and you're not going to tell anybody about this, because reporting a robbery of unreported income would be insane.
As would doing anything other than what I just told you.
Right.
- How much of this should-- - Just keep it coming.
Putting it right here.
Nice.
Shit.
Just take the money.
Can you hear me? Hey.
Hey.
Jesus christ.
You want to be a hero, asshole? You want to be a goddamn hero? Guess I do.
Jesus, dad.
You shot my insides out.
Asshole.
That's your own goddamn kid.
Shit.
Classic.
Killed your own kid, tom.
Shit, stay away from damian, will you? What the hell, dad? Connor? Yeah.
Shit.
Look at me.
He doesn't get it, kid.
This is what he would have been.
Shit, it might be what he is.
He's a junkie.
I'm telling you, tommy, stay away from my kid.
Shut up.
I'm back, dad.
I'm here.
I'm a junkie.
I need that cash.
He's a goddamn junkie.
- This is beautiful.
- Oh, tommy.
He's a junkie.
- That's what you get.
- That's perfect.
Shut up.
Your kid's a freakin' junkie.
Knock it off.
He's a junkie.
That's what you get, tommy.
Hey, tom, it's lou.
You want to talk about anything? ? Garrity went nuts about the money.
Worried.
I realized I forgot my wallet.
To be honest, I felt bad about leaving you to clean up in a room full of booze.
So much temptation.
In the cab on the way back there, I realized, wouldn't it be awesome if tommy was just sitting at the bar drinking himself silly when I got there? I like when you drink.
And lo and behold, my wish came true.
Although silly ain't exactly what I saw.
Sober, you're a great fireman and a selfish, spiteful, hit the nail on the head, no bullshit kind of a guy.
Drunk, you're a great fireman and a selfish, spiteful, hit the nail on the head kind of guy, but funny.
And I like funny.
So I say we keep the booze and we lose the guns.
I know you've got demons jumping out of your head, I just don't want you shooting at them.
We'll tell the guys you saw rats the size of michael moore running around the joint.
You know, which means, of course, that they were big and wearing little baseball caps, and they were also in favor of gun control laws.
All right.
I just want to say--ahem-- thanks for tonight.
And, uh, ahem, I take back all those nasty things I said when we were having that, uh, tiff the other I didn't mean all that stuff.
Ok.
You're really the best friend a guy could ever have.
Water under the bridge, pal.
What? The things that you said? What about them? Do you take them back? No.
No, I meant every goddamn word of it.
You don't want to take back any of that? Nope.
Nope.
Ok.
Oh, and, uh, I slept with frenchie.
I'm sorry, what? I slept with frenchie.
And I got the note to prove it.
You're carrying that around with you? Wouldn't you? Jeez, it sounds like the end of the world down here.
Jesus, he's pounding the leather off that thing.
Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Yeah, no more spic jokes.
No, F.
D.
N.
Y.
Boxing team.
We get him in the ring, we get some side action going, pick up a little extra cabbage.
I mean, with me and you coaching him, we'll clean up.
Whatever happened to no more mr.
Nice guy, you guys don't give me any respect, buh-buh-buh? That's the job.
This is a chance to make money.
And for that, I will revert back to my happy-go-lucky whore self.
Just, uh, think he'll go for it? Can't hurt to ask.
Christ, let's let him finish up first.
- You gavin? - Yep.
- On your break? - Sorta.
It's hard work, ain't it? Hey, I'm just happy to help out.
That's what I hear.
So, uh, can you do me? Pardon? What you did for lester, i want it done.
I didn't do anything to lester.
Look, he's right over there.
I sit alone in a room all day praying for death to come.
You got to do this for me.
Please.
Listen to me.
I killed 5 men in my life.
The other one was a drunk driver who ran over my 10-year-old nephew.
They all had it coming.
But I'll be goddamned if I'm gonna kill a war hero, a brother in arms.
I just won't do it.
Then you're a fag.
Say that again, war hero or not, I'll kill you.
You are a fag.
Ok, all right.
We're on.
You know, i nearly had a heart attack.
My legs feel like jell-O.
Oh, that's all right, dude.
You'll get used to it.
Yeah, when? Uh, depends on you.
You're pretty good with that thing.
I'm ok.
No, seriously, dude.
When did you learn? I started taking lessons a while ago.
This and voice.
Voice? Yeah, you know, like singing lessons.
Dude, if you tell any of the guys at the house, I swear to god, I'll kick your ass.
Nah, your secret's safe with me.
- So sing something.
- I don't know, dude.
I never, like, really sang in front of anybody except my vocal coach and, like, my band.
You got a band? Yeah, yeah, a couple of N.
Y.
U.
Music grad students i picked up.
So if you got a band, you're probably pretty good by now, right? Yeah, listen, you know, like sean's sleeping in the other room and he's got the flu and stuff.
Oh, come on.
See, now you're just making excuses.
I mean, how are you going to sing to a stadium full of people if you can't even sing to me in this room? I guess you're right.
I mean, there is this one tune I've kind of been working pretty hard on, like, that I wrote.
Ok, so sing it.
- All right, but my chord progression's-- - Blah blah blah.
- Just get on with the freakin' thing.
- All right, all right.
I'll--I'll do like a verse or something.
* Nothing left to look at but what lies inside me, * * my first reality cannot take what lies ahead, * * clear the path of destination is what you once * What? That was good.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, you know, I was ready to earn an academy award nomination trying to mask my horror over how badly it sucked, but it's actually pretty decent.
Thanks, bro.
You mind if I take a crack at it? Yeah, knock yourself out, bro.
All right.
Holy shit, you got skills.
* Left to look at but what lies inside me, * * my first reality * dude, you go to be in my band, bro.
- That was sick.
- Count me in, bro.
- Holy shit, bro.
- What are you guys called? - Hot lunch.
- Count me out, bro.
- What? - Hot lunch? - Are you serious? - Yeah.
You know what a hot lunch is, right? Yeah, like salisbury steak, like taco tuesday.
No, no, it's not like salisbury steak.
It's like a euphemism for a sexual term.
It's like when you're doing a chick and she takes a dump on you.
- No way.
- Yes way.
Like a cleveland steamer.
- What's that? - Same thing.
Dude, I guess I'm never gonna go to cleveland.
I gotta take a piss.
Sean, are you all right, dude? Yeah.
He don't look too good.
You think I should, like, make him some tea or something? Oh, my god.
Sean.
Sean, you all right? Holy shit, mike, he's pissing blood.
All right, call an ambulance.
Sean? - Hey, franc.
- Hey.
Lot of iron on that bar.
What is that, 200, 240? Oh, I don't know, maybe 280 on a good day.
Animale, this kid, huh? Yeah.
Got a proposition for you, franco.
Yeah?Well, I'm very flattered, lou, but I don't believe in gay marriage.
- Hilarious.
- This kid cracks me up.
No.
Now look, we saw you beating the heavy bag into submission the other day.
We were wondering, maybe you ever thought about stepping into the ring.
- Boxing? - No, bullfighting.
What are you doing? Look, I cornered a couple of fighters back in the day, and i think you got potential.
- You got a thunderous left.
- Thanks, lou.
You, uh, you used to be a boxing trainer? Yeah, indeed I was.
I took joltin' joel johansson to the department title back in '86.
He had a brief but minorly successful golden gloves run.
No shit.
You guys talking about slow joel johansson? Want to mind your business, tommy? We're talking here.
Who's, uh, who's slow joel? You know joel.
He comes by the house a couple times a year.
He's got the pushed-in nose, scars under the eyes.
Wears the pull-down wool cap.
Talks like marlee matlin.
Oh.
Oh, that guy is joltin' joel johansson? Was joltin' joel, is slow joel.
Hey, it's not my fault he kept dropping his goddamn hands like sugar ray leonard.
The guy was an ape trying to be a hot dog.
But you're smarter than that, franco.
You can move.
And lou made a lot of money with joltin' joel.
I mean, the side action on these fights are over the moon.
Yeah.
And now he shits his pants twice a day.
Tommy, why don't you go be a pain in the ass somewhere else? We're talking here.
Ok.
Don't forget to mention the glass eye.
Uh, the what? It's totally unrelated.
He got excited, hit himself in the face with a fork.
Joel loved a good meal.
What do you think? I don't know, guys.
I've been in the ring before, you know, lou.
Think I'll just stick to hitting the heavy bag.
Bag don't hit back if you know what i mean.
Ah, come on.
I'm serious here, franco, you got real talent.
This could be huge with the right guidance.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I'm just not to keen on messing with the catnip, you know.
End up looking like mickey rourke.
He looked good in sin city.
He was animated.
Look, franc, man was not meant to hit 80 pounds of sand hanging from a ceiling.
They were meant to hit other men.
Want to deny yourself the opportunity of venting all that rage and frustration you have over bush and 9/11 out on another living human being? And you could imagine bush's face on the head of your opponent just before you cave it in.
Yeah, if it's such a good idea, how come you don't step into the ring, huh? 'Cause I'm a pussy.
But you, my giant latin friend, you are one thick spic.
I mean, the very sight of you strikes fear in the hearts of men.
Me included.
If I wasn't your superior officer, would I be saying any of this to you right now? If you weren't my superior officer, I'd be pounding the shit out of your right now.
That's the killer instinct a good fighter needs.
So what do you think, franc? Can I wear head gear? You can wear a dress and a jogging bra for all I care.
Just say yes.
Yes.
Yeah, I swear to god, guys, if good old nielsy didn't cut the wheel and nail the brakes just at the right time, there'd be like 4 people dead.
Nielsy's one of the finest wheel men on the job.
Yeah, he's like B.
J.
And the bear minus the monkey.
I'd like to get a monkey.
Man, I'd love to be a driver.
Well, usually just senior guys drive, kid.
Now that there's so few of us left, newbies can take the course in maybe 2 or 3 years.
Oh, would that mean he wouldn't have to go into the fire? That part of his job is a little hard to get around.
Well, it doesn't hurt to ask.
Maybe once he graduates probie school, I can put in a good word.
Have him assigned to this house.
Keep him in good hands.
You, sidney, are too sweet.
He's a good kid.
Certainly comes from fine stock.
And you can call me sidney.
I already did.
How about i call you big cutie? Like, big cutie, have some more treats.
- Thank you.
- Hey, tom.
Sheila brought us rice crispy treats.
The guys are giving me a little fire fighter tutorial.
Damian wants to drive the rig when he gets on the job.
Why don't you graduate first before you start picking out a goddamn locker, ok, punk.
Come on, tommy, he's gonna graduate.
Yeah, his instructor says that he's already top of the class so far.
What are you, 3 weeks in? Stretching hose and doing physical training.
Got some guy that used to look up to your old man helping you put on your bunker gear every day.
Wait till they stick your narrow ass in the smokehouse, ok, or you're roasting at 1,500 degrees in the goddamn flashover stimulator.
Then we'll see how big your balls are.
Hey, asshole.
I'm sorry, big cutie.
Listen, why don't you back off my son.
Because this ain't goddamn summer camp, ok, sweetie.
And if I'm not mistaken, chief, isn't there a rule against social calls in the firehouse? Don't be a stickler, tommy.
Here, have a treat.
No thanks.
Ok, duty calls.
- Hey, can I ride along? - No.
Oh, come on, chief, let the kid ride.
It'll be good for him.
- Only if his mother says it's ok.
- Uh, it's ok.
You stay clear of the action, ok? Understood? - Yeah, understood.
- Ok.
- This is ridiculous.
- You, thank you very much for coming.
- Come anytime you want.
- I will, I promise.
I promise.
Can I ride on the rig with you guys? Hey, chief, can the kid ride in the rig? Sure, go ahead.
Bobby, you ride with me.
Why do I got to ride in the suburban? 'Cause I said so.
Come on, you big mutant.
I thought you were going over in that thing.
No, I'm riding in the rig.
The chief said it's ok.
Ok.
Well, keep your hands to yourself, don't touch anything hot.
If your kid's in trouble, I'm not looking out for him.
He gets in trouble, mike's gonna watch after him.
Oh, really?I guess he's in trouble already.
Oh, whoa.
What the hell is this? Did you ok this, chief? It's ok.
Don't worry about it.
- I love you.
- Love you, too.
Hey, check out salt and pepper over there.
Wouldn't mind those two on a sandwich.
Almost never happens.
You know that almost never happens.
- Hey, where's garrity? - He's got the flu.
' Missing black shawn, now we're missing white shawn.
We're 2 shawns down.
We had to take him to the hospital.
White shawn.
- For the flu? - He was pissing blood, dude.
Nah, nah, you don't piss blood when you got the flu.
You piss blood when you got something like gonorrhea.
You do? Me?No.
No, no, no.
I never have.
That's what I heard happens to people who have gonorrhea, which I've never had.
Obviously.
I think he had gonorrhea.
Once, ok.
Jesus, just once.
One and a half times.
The second time doesn't count because I was just a carrier.
- Dude, that was awesome.
- Ahh, we did all right.
The engine had a dry hydrant which delayed our primary searches, which is why the chief had to call a second alarm.
but, most of the apartments above were vacant, which is why we didn't find any roasts.
- Roasts? - Dead guys.
Oh, yeah, roasts.
Hey, let me get in there, you know, check out the damage.
No, I don't think so.
Oh, come on, mike.
Let me in there.
I mean, the stimulator at school, it's for pussies.
Let me see what this bitch can really do.
All right.
Here, suit up.
Listen, whatever you do, keep this mask on, you hear me? Because if you get in trouble, then I get in big time trouble.
- I'm not gonna get you in trouble.
- No, that's right.
You're not going to get me in trouble because if you get in trouble, then I'm going to get in big time trouble.
And if I get in big time trouble, then you-- what are we talking about?Let's go.
It stinks in here.
You'll get used to it.
In fact, there will be times you find yourself craving that stink, like it's a drug or something.
Watch your head.
Usually a fire like this, it's either a torch job or it was initiated by something stupid, you know, something small like a cigarette or a candle.
This burn, classic case of jewish lighting.
- What's that? - Arson.
Torch must have gassed the shit out of the stairwell, because by the time we got here, all the floors were fully involved and the flame was coming out through the bulkhead on the roof.
- Where you going? - Upper floors.
- I don't know.
- What, you scared? - Kinda.
- Good.
Let's go.
So the engine will come in and do the final douche once we open up the cockloft and check for any hidden flame, then we could take up, head home, and get some r and R.
Can we get a long island iced tea after the shift? Hey, don't push your luck, buddy.
Hey, tommy, want to join me up here? Shit.
Come on.
Here, get in here, and I'll come back for you, all right.
- Let me go talk to these guys.
- Wait, do-- If anyone comes in, just act like you're working or something.
Wait, mike.
Mikey, where are you? - Hey, what's up? - Get over here, will you? I got too many irons.
Go right over there, give the ceiling a pull, will you? Ok, you got it.
Hey, tom, you know what time it is? Uh, why? Oh, I was just wondering how long it was since I reminded you that I banged frenchie.
Shit.
Mike! Chief, we've got a flare-up on the top floor.
We're coming down.
- Let's go, guys.
- We can't go, guys.
The floor's not clear.
There's somebody in there! - Who's in there? - It doesn't matter who.
- Who is it? - It's damian.
He wanted to go in, tom.
You Moron! Get down the stairs.
You moron.
Mike! Tommy! Dammit.
But let me explain.
- And that is so stupid.
- It's--it's not stupid.
I got--I figured it out.
I have a system.
I can control it.
Hook a brother up with a long island iced tea.
- Who's gonna know? - I will.
Besides, I told your mom I'm watching out for you.
I'm not gonna send you to school in the morning all hungover and shit.
You know, you're already playing catch up as it is, dame.
And, um, do you want to come? Are you--are you asking me out on a date? - I should buy you a drink.
- We're opening our bar tonight.
- Well, I'll see you later.
- Ok.
- Bye.
- Bye bye.
What you're telling me as my best friend is that not in a million years would this girl ever think about - taking me to bed, right? - Never.
Never! - The reptilian, repugnant creature that I am.
- Your words, your words.
I have been a goddamn fool.
Because all these years, tom, i thought that we were friends, and we're not.
You don't have to worry about teddy anymore.
You know how he was banged up after your father died.
Right.
He's running around volunteering at every single V.
A.
Hospital there is.
It's not right when the man in the relationship knows less in the sack than his lady does.
I gotta get out of this.
Yeah, well, what are you gonna do about the father? How do I tell tommy his daughter's a slut? By phone.
From another state.
How much is it to pop the kidney out? Well, you're insured through the fire department, right? No, see, I can't use my insurance company.
I don't want the fire department to know.
It seems that our mademoiselle doesn't really like our mr.
Gavin so much to the degree that she was willing to engage me in a good old-fashioned grudge hump.
All right, bitches, all set outside.
Let's wrap it up in here and go hit the strip club.
- Yeah, baby.
- Oh, my god.
Franco, we just did a full tour in the firehouse.
We had 5 fires in 2 days, and now you're talking about tits and ass? That's all you can talk about?Jesus.
Um, actually, yes.
Not to mention, scores serves sandwiches till closing time.
- Really? - Yeah, really.
All right, let's hurry up and get over there.
My man.
Yo, yo, yo, bro.
We're closed, man.
I hear this is the hottest joint downtown.
Models and good tunes.
Yeah, between the hours of 10:00 and 3:30, ok? Some come back tomorrow.
Ok.
Sorry.
Goddamn.
Guys, I'm gonna need somebody else on the door if black shawn ain't coming back, ok.
You know, got to get somebody to work for him tomorrow down at the firehouse.
So, wait, he's still not back at work? Nobody knows where he is? I got a message from him saying he's up in boston.
I know he's got a cousin in the department up there.
He hasn't called colleen.
She's out of her mind.
You know something, if we keep covering for him like this, needles finds out, asshole mode he's in, trouble in river city.
I hope he's not pulling this disappearing act because, you know, he knows I found out about what went on with him and colleen.
What? Guys, I know.
We work in a firehouse.
I know everything you guys know.
All right, and believe me, I say this as a dad.
You know, no dad could be prouder to find out that his daughter is terrible in bed.
- Right.
- That's right.
- Yeah.
- You know what, to colleen.
May she continue to make tommy's life miserable for many, many, many more years to come.
Here, here.
Mike, do me a favor.
Call shawn in the morning, will you, find out what's going on.
Ok.
Holy shit, guys.
Another 8 grandioso.
- Oh, yeah.
- Really?Awesome.
Nice.
You know, we gotta give some of this to charity, don't you think? Yeah, that's a good idea.
That's a good idea, right? Hey, charity.
Yeah.
Yeah, let's not do that.
That sucks.
What's wrong with you? You know, guys, my mother made all this possible.
You know, maybe we should give it to like a cancer charity or something.
Yeah.
Yeah, that is a really good idea, actually.
Well, wait a second, shitbird.
I thought you said we we weren't doing it.
Hey, come on.
A little, you know--jesus.
I mean, people with cancer, they have issues, franc.
Jesus christ.
You know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take a little bit of this, and I'm going to make a donation in mike's mom's name.
Whoa, whoa, hold up.
Before you give all our money away, - what kind of cancer are we giving to? - Yeah.
I don't know, ass, face, skin, brains, all of it.
- Cock? - Cock and balls.
Everything.
All right, I'm in.
Sweet.
What about dogs with cancer? Hey, dogs are welcome.
- All right, I'm in.
- Sweet.
Breasts? Breast cancer.
How about that? Oh, yeah.
Well, what?I mean, we're going to a titty bar.
It's like an investment, you know.
I got it, cat cancer.
Titty bar made me think of pussy and, you know.
All set downstairs, boys.
Hey, derek, we're creating a special slush fund for cancer research.
You want in? Cock, tits, ass, animal, all taken.
What about the liver? - I'll drink to that.
- Duh.
Yeah.
Of course, the liver.
Come on, boys, belly up.
Toast to us.
Uh, derek and tommy, I'm gonna pour you guys a little shot of ginger ale since you're girly boys who can't handle your booze.
To us, gents.
To, uh, garbage bags full of cash.
To liver cancer.
- Here.
- Cheers.
Bam.
Let's go, boys.
The strippers aren't going to shove dollar bills between their own jugs.
You know, you guys go ahead.
I'm gonna stay and, you know, close up shop, take care of the money.
No, it's ok, I got it.
Don't worry about it.
No, no, it's fine.
I got like a place where I hide it.
It's very secretive, you know.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna keep it at lou's place.
So it's not a big thing.
All right, but I know how to retain it and everything.
It's my job.
- You know what I mean, it's my job.
- It's not your job tonight.
I got it.
Ok? - You got it? - I just said I got it.
Ok.
All right, you got it.
You guys go ahead.
Have a good time at scores.
All right? And, you know, I can give you guys a couple of tips that will actually help you guys out there.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
When you get to the strip club, instead of going inside, just bang your head against the wall outside, take the money out of your pocket, and light it on fire.
You'll still wake up in the morning with a raging headache, your dick in your hand, and no money, but at least you won't be late for work.
See you.
We're going to be late for work tomorrow.
Yeah, that's what I figured.
- Bye, asshole.
- See you, douchebag.
King of the douchebags, ok.
My title deserves a little respect.
Yeah, whatever.
You all set? I ain't gonna go to scores.
You want me to stay? No, no, I'm good.
You sure?You're gonna be by yourself in a room full of booze.
Yeah, I'm good.
- You sure? - I'm your sponsor.
Come on, i know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, but bottom line, tommy, we're both just a couple of drunks.
Yeah, but I'm a higher ranking drunk than you, so if A.
A.
Was like an army, I'd be a 5-star general, and you're just a grunt.
Take it as an order.
I'm fine.
Get out of here.
- Yes, sir.
- All right.
Bye.
Proudly Presents Season 5 Episode 08 I love you.
I always loved you.
I know I never told you often enough.
You were the best goddamn center fielder in high school.
And on ice, heh heh, tough as nails.
Not to mention the way you fight fire.
You put every other fireman I ever knew to absolute goddamn shame.
I should have said this shit when I was alive.
But hell, I'm saying it now.
You are the best goddamn son a father could ever hope for.
You happy now? - Yeah.
- Well, get over it.
Because if you believe all that, I got some land down in florida I might want to sell you.
Now give me a goddamn drink.
Middletons, not that bottom shelf shit.
He was a pretty good center fielder.
No bat, hell of a glove.
I'll take the bottom shelf shit.
- Jameson'S.
- What is that with you? Budweiser, jameson's, always the low-rent shit.
Hey, you know what, I like the way it tastes.
I could give a shit about what people think.
He's a great fireman.
No bustin' balls.
He's too risky.
Gets the job done.
You know how many people would be dead but for him breaking rules, taking chances? Lot of kids would be on this side of the bar.
Most guys, they play it safe.
Him, he pushes the envelope.
Like, um, what's his name? Who's that quarterback? He used to scramble around like a goddamn maniac.
Doug flutie? He's the doug flutie of fire? That's funny, dad.
Hey, flutie, where we you on 9/11? Yeah, doug, where were you? Don't give me that, you know, "if only I knew that you were running into the second tower" bullshit.
I only ran in because-- well, because it was the next goddamn job.
But you, i can't figure it out.
What were you waiting for? Too much of a goddamn pussy to go in? First tower comes down, they're yelling, "pull out! Pull out!" All I know is if you're a fireman and you ain't carrying someone else and you've still got 2 legs and 2 goddamn feet, you move on to the next goddamn job.
Doug flutie, my ass.
Doug flutie would have run in.
No balls, tom.
No balls at all.
- I was looking for you, asshole.
- Why, huh? - Jesus christ.
- Holy shit.
Don't tell me you were afraid.
- What? - He was afraid.
- I was worried.
- About what? - You.
- Me? Thousands of other people needing to be rescued.
You worried about me? - You were scared.
- Shut up.
No, you were scared to go into the second tower on your own.
I think you were afraid to go up the first time, so you were hoping that you could find some bullshit reason so you could stay downstairs.
Makes all kinds of sense right now.
This is it, right?This is it, pops.
This is it, ain't it? - That ain't it.
- This is it.
This is the nail right on the goddamn head.
- I'm warning you, johnny.
- Warning me how? This makes perfect, complete sense here.
Wait, wait, you didn't want to go in, tom? Of course I wanted to go in.
You didn't want to go in.
Holy shit.
Shut your fat cop face, johnny, ok.
- You don't know shit about it.
- Why? 'Cause you're a cop.
You don't know shit about it.
I know a bullshit rap when i hear it.
I swear on my kids' souls, johnny.
You're a goddamn coward.
All this show.
All the balls.
All the bravado.
Running in like a madman.
Tommy "goddamn" gavin, the firefighter with the biggest cock on the goddamn block.
You know what, it's all bullshit, bro.
You know why? 'Cause the one day-- the one goddamn day that your department, that your crew, that your goddamn country needed you the most, you froze up like a goddamn needle-ass little dick.
Anybody else want some? You're all right, you're all right.
It's all right.
It's all right.
Get up.
I wish you boys could learn to get along.
Jeez.
When we were riding down in the rig that morning, I think we were figuring out what we were gonna do.
I was ok, so was he.
Getting off the rig, fine.
Going in, going up, coming out, the first couple of saves, all good.
Even as the building was coming down.
The rumble, all instinct.
Run, roll, cover, fine.
But after rubbed all that shit out of my eyes, out of my ears, couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything.
You never told us what to do after, did you? Running up the beach on d-day, huh? Guys on the left of you, the right of you getting their heads blown off.
You kept running up the beach.
Hitler's holy hell.
We heard all about that, right? D-day.
The marching to berlin.
Goddamn concentration camps.
Going in, freeing everybody up.
We heard all about that.
Goddamn hero.
Goddamn decorated hero.
What were we supposed to do after? You never told us what you did after.
Far as I could tell, you just keep your goddamn mouth shut unless you're opening it to pour booze in.
And you cheat on your wife.
That's all i knew about after, you asshole.
You goddamn son of a bitch.
Goddamn teddy, vietnam.
Goddamn million gooks dead, 50,000 americans.
Goddamn won the war.
What did he do when he came home? After? Drink, fight, cheat on his wife.
I ain't no goddamn coward.
I got goddamn medals out the ass, asshole.
Proves I'm a hero.
God, bombs going off, buildings coming down.
I know exactly what to do.
If it happened right now, if this bar blew up, I'd know exactly what to do.
Kids, marriage.
That's where--that's where I suck.
That's where I really suck.
That shit that scares the balls off of me.
Here I am after, surrounded by booze and dead assholes.
Thanks.
Get up slow.
Ok.
This is how it's gonna go.
You're gonna take that bag of cash I saw earlier.
Yeah.
You're gonna hand it over to me.
And if you so much as twitch a muscle while you're doing it, I'm gonna blow your goddamn head off.
- Capiche? - Ok.
Listen to me, there's no cash with me.
They took the bag with them when they¡ª Asshole, I saw them leave.
No bag.
Get it.
Now.
Ok.
We have security cameras in here, you know.
You don't got shit.
You're running an illegal joint under the table and off the books, asshole.
- Nice and easy.
- Ok.
Ok, take the money out of the bag.
Put it down so I can see it.
And you're gonna put it back in.
Very slowly.
If you play your cards right, I'm going to leave quietly, and you're not going to tell anybody about this, because reporting a robbery of unreported income would be insane.
As would doing anything other than what I just told you.
Right.
- How much of this should-- - Just keep it coming.
Putting it right here.
Nice.
Shit.
Just take the money.
Can you hear me? Hey.
Hey.
Jesus christ.
You want to be a hero, asshole? You want to be a goddamn hero? Guess I do.
Jesus, dad.
You shot my insides out.
Asshole.
That's your own goddamn kid.
Shit.
Classic.
Killed your own kid, tom.
Shit, stay away from damian, will you? What the hell, dad? Connor? Yeah.
Shit.
Look at me.
He doesn't get it, kid.
This is what he would have been.
Shit, it might be what he is.
He's a junkie.
I'm telling you, tommy, stay away from my kid.
Shut up.
I'm back, dad.
I'm here.
I'm a junkie.
I need that cash.
He's a goddamn junkie.
- This is beautiful.
- Oh, tommy.
He's a junkie.
- That's what you get.
- That's perfect.
Shut up.
Your kid's a freakin' junkie.
Knock it off.
He's a junkie.
That's what you get, tommy.
Hey, tom, it's lou.
You want to talk about anything? ? Garrity went nuts about the money.
Worried.
I realized I forgot my wallet.
To be honest, I felt bad about leaving you to clean up in a room full of booze.
So much temptation.
In the cab on the way back there, I realized, wouldn't it be awesome if tommy was just sitting at the bar drinking himself silly when I got there? I like when you drink.
And lo and behold, my wish came true.
Although silly ain't exactly what I saw.
Sober, you're a great fireman and a selfish, spiteful, hit the nail on the head, no bullshit kind of a guy.
Drunk, you're a great fireman and a selfish, spiteful, hit the nail on the head kind of guy, but funny.
And I like funny.
So I say we keep the booze and we lose the guns.
I know you've got demons jumping out of your head, I just don't want you shooting at them.
We'll tell the guys you saw rats the size of michael moore running around the joint.
You know, which means, of course, that they were big and wearing little baseball caps, and they were also in favor of gun control laws.
All right.
I just want to say--ahem-- thanks for tonight.
And, uh, ahem, I take back all those nasty things I said when we were having that, uh, tiff the other I didn't mean all that stuff.
Ok.
You're really the best friend a guy could ever have.
Water under the bridge, pal.
What? The things that you said? What about them? Do you take them back? No.
No, I meant every goddamn word of it.
You don't want to take back any of that? Nope.
Nope.
Ok.
Oh, and, uh, I slept with frenchie.
I'm sorry, what? I slept with frenchie.
And I got the note to prove it.
You're carrying that around with you? Wouldn't you? Jeez, it sounds like the end of the world down here.
Jesus, he's pounding the leather off that thing.
Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Yeah, no more spic jokes.
No, F.
D.
N.
Y.
Boxing team.
We get him in the ring, we get some side action going, pick up a little extra cabbage.
I mean, with me and you coaching him, we'll clean up.
Whatever happened to no more mr.
Nice guy, you guys don't give me any respect, buh-buh-buh? That's the job.
This is a chance to make money.
And for that, I will revert back to my happy-go-lucky whore self.
Just, uh, think he'll go for it? Can't hurt to ask.
Christ, let's let him finish up first.
- You gavin? - Yep.
- On your break? - Sorta.
It's hard work, ain't it? Hey, I'm just happy to help out.
That's what I hear.
So, uh, can you do me? Pardon? What you did for lester, i want it done.
I didn't do anything to lester.
Look, he's right over there.
I sit alone in a room all day praying for death to come.
You got to do this for me.
Please.
Listen to me.
I killed 5 men in my life.
The other one was a drunk driver who ran over my 10-year-old nephew.
They all had it coming.
But I'll be goddamned if I'm gonna kill a war hero, a brother in arms.
I just won't do it.
Then you're a fag.
Say that again, war hero or not, I'll kill you.
You are a fag.
Ok, all right.
We're on.
You know, i nearly had a heart attack.
My legs feel like jell-O.
Oh, that's all right, dude.
You'll get used to it.
Yeah, when? Uh, depends on you.
You're pretty good with that thing.
I'm ok.
No, seriously, dude.
When did you learn? I started taking lessons a while ago.
This and voice.
Voice? Yeah, you know, like singing lessons.
Dude, if you tell any of the guys at the house, I swear to god, I'll kick your ass.
Nah, your secret's safe with me.
- So sing something.
- I don't know, dude.
I never, like, really sang in front of anybody except my vocal coach and, like, my band.
You got a band? Yeah, yeah, a couple of N.
Y.
U.
Music grad students i picked up.
So if you got a band, you're probably pretty good by now, right? Yeah, listen, you know, like sean's sleeping in the other room and he's got the flu and stuff.
Oh, come on.
See, now you're just making excuses.
I mean, how are you going to sing to a stadium full of people if you can't even sing to me in this room? I guess you're right.
I mean, there is this one tune I've kind of been working pretty hard on, like, that I wrote.
Ok, so sing it.
- All right, but my chord progression's-- - Blah blah blah.
- Just get on with the freakin' thing.
- All right, all right.
I'll--I'll do like a verse or something.
* Nothing left to look at but what lies inside me, * * my first reality cannot take what lies ahead, * * clear the path of destination is what you once * What? That was good.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, you know, I was ready to earn an academy award nomination trying to mask my horror over how badly it sucked, but it's actually pretty decent.
Thanks, bro.
You mind if I take a crack at it? Yeah, knock yourself out, bro.
All right.
Holy shit, you got skills.
* Left to look at but what lies inside me, * * my first reality * dude, you go to be in my band, bro.
- That was sick.
- Count me in, bro.
- Holy shit, bro.
- What are you guys called? - Hot lunch.
- Count me out, bro.
- What? - Hot lunch? - Are you serious? - Yeah.
You know what a hot lunch is, right? Yeah, like salisbury steak, like taco tuesday.
No, no, it's not like salisbury steak.
It's like a euphemism for a sexual term.
It's like when you're doing a chick and she takes a dump on you.
- No way.
- Yes way.
Like a cleveland steamer.
- What's that? - Same thing.
Dude, I guess I'm never gonna go to cleveland.
I gotta take a piss.
Sean, are you all right, dude? Yeah.
He don't look too good.
You think I should, like, make him some tea or something? Oh, my god.
Sean.
Sean, you all right? Holy shit, mike, he's pissing blood.
All right, call an ambulance.
Sean? - Hey, franc.
- Hey.
Lot of iron on that bar.
What is that, 200, 240? Oh, I don't know, maybe 280 on a good day.
Animale, this kid, huh? Yeah.
Got a proposition for you, franco.
Yeah?Well, I'm very flattered, lou, but I don't believe in gay marriage.
- Hilarious.
- This kid cracks me up.
No.
Now look, we saw you beating the heavy bag into submission the other day.
We were wondering, maybe you ever thought about stepping into the ring.
- Boxing? - No, bullfighting.
What are you doing? Look, I cornered a couple of fighters back in the day, and i think you got potential.
- You got a thunderous left.
- Thanks, lou.
You, uh, you used to be a boxing trainer? Yeah, indeed I was.
I took joltin' joel johansson to the department title back in '86.
He had a brief but minorly successful golden gloves run.
No shit.
You guys talking about slow joel johansson? Want to mind your business, tommy? We're talking here.
Who's, uh, who's slow joel? You know joel.
He comes by the house a couple times a year.
He's got the pushed-in nose, scars under the eyes.
Wears the pull-down wool cap.
Talks like marlee matlin.
Oh.
Oh, that guy is joltin' joel johansson? Was joltin' joel, is slow joel.
Hey, it's not my fault he kept dropping his goddamn hands like sugar ray leonard.
The guy was an ape trying to be a hot dog.
But you're smarter than that, franco.
You can move.
And lou made a lot of money with joltin' joel.
I mean, the side action on these fights are over the moon.
Yeah.
And now he shits his pants twice a day.
Tommy, why don't you go be a pain in the ass somewhere else? We're talking here.
Ok.
Don't forget to mention the glass eye.
Uh, the what? It's totally unrelated.
He got excited, hit himself in the face with a fork.
Joel loved a good meal.
What do you think? I don't know, guys.
I've been in the ring before, you know, lou.
Think I'll just stick to hitting the heavy bag.
Bag don't hit back if you know what i mean.
Ah, come on.
I'm serious here, franco, you got real talent.
This could be huge with the right guidance.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I'm just not to keen on messing with the catnip, you know.
End up looking like mickey rourke.
He looked good in sin city.
He was animated.
Look, franc, man was not meant to hit 80 pounds of sand hanging from a ceiling.
They were meant to hit other men.
Want to deny yourself the opportunity of venting all that rage and frustration you have over bush and 9/11 out on another living human being? And you could imagine bush's face on the head of your opponent just before you cave it in.
Yeah, if it's such a good idea, how come you don't step into the ring, huh? 'Cause I'm a pussy.
But you, my giant latin friend, you are one thick spic.
I mean, the very sight of you strikes fear in the hearts of men.
Me included.
If I wasn't your superior officer, would I be saying any of this to you right now? If you weren't my superior officer, I'd be pounding the shit out of your right now.
That's the killer instinct a good fighter needs.
So what do you think, franc? Can I wear head gear? You can wear a dress and a jogging bra for all I care.
Just say yes.
Yes.
Yeah, I swear to god, guys, if good old nielsy didn't cut the wheel and nail the brakes just at the right time, there'd be like 4 people dead.
Nielsy's one of the finest wheel men on the job.
Yeah, he's like B.
J.
And the bear minus the monkey.
I'd like to get a monkey.
Man, I'd love to be a driver.
Well, usually just senior guys drive, kid.
Now that there's so few of us left, newbies can take the course in maybe 2 or 3 years.
Oh, would that mean he wouldn't have to go into the fire? That part of his job is a little hard to get around.
Well, it doesn't hurt to ask.
Maybe once he graduates probie school, I can put in a good word.
Have him assigned to this house.
Keep him in good hands.
You, sidney, are too sweet.
He's a good kid.
Certainly comes from fine stock.
And you can call me sidney.
I already did.
How about i call you big cutie? Like, big cutie, have some more treats.
- Thank you.
- Hey, tom.
Sheila brought us rice crispy treats.
The guys are giving me a little fire fighter tutorial.
Damian wants to drive the rig when he gets on the job.
Why don't you graduate first before you start picking out a goddamn locker, ok, punk.
Come on, tommy, he's gonna graduate.
Yeah, his instructor says that he's already top of the class so far.
What are you, 3 weeks in? Stretching hose and doing physical training.
Got some guy that used to look up to your old man helping you put on your bunker gear every day.
Wait till they stick your narrow ass in the smokehouse, ok, or you're roasting at 1,500 degrees in the goddamn flashover stimulator.
Then we'll see how big your balls are.
Hey, asshole.
I'm sorry, big cutie.
Listen, why don't you back off my son.
Because this ain't goddamn summer camp, ok, sweetie.
And if I'm not mistaken, chief, isn't there a rule against social calls in the firehouse? Don't be a stickler, tommy.
Here, have a treat.
No thanks.
Ok, duty calls.
- Hey, can I ride along? - No.
Oh, come on, chief, let the kid ride.
It'll be good for him.
- Only if his mother says it's ok.
- Uh, it's ok.
You stay clear of the action, ok? Understood? - Yeah, understood.
- Ok.
- This is ridiculous.
- You, thank you very much for coming.
- Come anytime you want.
- I will, I promise.
I promise.
Can I ride on the rig with you guys? Hey, chief, can the kid ride in the rig? Sure, go ahead.
Bobby, you ride with me.
Why do I got to ride in the suburban? 'Cause I said so.
Come on, you big mutant.
I thought you were going over in that thing.
No, I'm riding in the rig.
The chief said it's ok.
Ok.
Well, keep your hands to yourself, don't touch anything hot.
If your kid's in trouble, I'm not looking out for him.
He gets in trouble, mike's gonna watch after him.
Oh, really?I guess he's in trouble already.
Oh, whoa.
What the hell is this? Did you ok this, chief? It's ok.
Don't worry about it.
- I love you.
- Love you, too.
Hey, check out salt and pepper over there.
Wouldn't mind those two on a sandwich.
Almost never happens.
You know that almost never happens.
- Hey, where's garrity? - He's got the flu.
' Missing black shawn, now we're missing white shawn.
We're 2 shawns down.
We had to take him to the hospital.
White shawn.
- For the flu? - He was pissing blood, dude.
Nah, nah, you don't piss blood when you got the flu.
You piss blood when you got something like gonorrhea.
You do? Me?No.
No, no, no.
I never have.
That's what I heard happens to people who have gonorrhea, which I've never had.
Obviously.
I think he had gonorrhea.
Once, ok.
Jesus, just once.
One and a half times.
The second time doesn't count because I was just a carrier.
- Dude, that was awesome.
- Ahh, we did all right.
The engine had a dry hydrant which delayed our primary searches, which is why the chief had to call a second alarm.
but, most of the apartments above were vacant, which is why we didn't find any roasts.
- Roasts? - Dead guys.
Oh, yeah, roasts.
Hey, let me get in there, you know, check out the damage.
No, I don't think so.
Oh, come on, mike.
Let me in there.
I mean, the stimulator at school, it's for pussies.
Let me see what this bitch can really do.
All right.
Here, suit up.
Listen, whatever you do, keep this mask on, you hear me? Because if you get in trouble, then I get in big time trouble.
- I'm not gonna get you in trouble.
- No, that's right.
You're not going to get me in trouble because if you get in trouble, then I'm going to get in big time trouble.
And if I get in big time trouble, then you-- what are we talking about?Let's go.
It stinks in here.
You'll get used to it.
In fact, there will be times you find yourself craving that stink, like it's a drug or something.
Watch your head.
Usually a fire like this, it's either a torch job or it was initiated by something stupid, you know, something small like a cigarette or a candle.
This burn, classic case of jewish lighting.
- What's that? - Arson.
Torch must have gassed the shit out of the stairwell, because by the time we got here, all the floors were fully involved and the flame was coming out through the bulkhead on the roof.
- Where you going? - Upper floors.
- I don't know.
- What, you scared? - Kinda.
- Good.
Let's go.
So the engine will come in and do the final douche once we open up the cockloft and check for any hidden flame, then we could take up, head home, and get some r and R.
Can we get a long island iced tea after the shift? Hey, don't push your luck, buddy.
Hey, tommy, want to join me up here? Shit.
Come on.
Here, get in here, and I'll come back for you, all right.
- Let me go talk to these guys.
- Wait, do-- If anyone comes in, just act like you're working or something.
Wait, mike.
Mikey, where are you? - Hey, what's up? - Get over here, will you? I got too many irons.
Go right over there, give the ceiling a pull, will you? Ok, you got it.
Hey, tom, you know what time it is? Uh, why? Oh, I was just wondering how long it was since I reminded you that I banged frenchie.
Shit.
Mike! Chief, we've got a flare-up on the top floor.
We're coming down.
- Let's go, guys.
- We can't go, guys.
The floor's not clear.
There's somebody in there! - Who's in there? - It doesn't matter who.
- Who is it? - It's damian.
He wanted to go in, tom.
You Moron! Get down the stairs.
You moron.
Mike! Tommy! Dammit.