Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s05e08 Episode Script
Rio Ghosto
Scene one, office, day. Mr. white says, "I will stop you,"
and Mr. black says, "you won't stop me."
Mr. white says, "yes, I will stop you!"
I read that wrong.
"Yes, I will stop you!"
Hmm.
"Robotic space worm enters, "destroys city.
"The end.
Or is it?"
Greetings! I'm Space Ghost, architect of the future.
Welcome to the show.
So, how was your weekend, zorak?
I, uh, I did some volunteer work over at the orphanage.
Well, I was
Yeah.
I was finishing up my screenplay, and it's brilliant.
Brilliant!
Now play me to the desk.
Some of my director pals are dropping by the studio tonight.
And if one of them plays his cards right,
I'll affix him to my movie.
You don't know any directors.
Sure I do. Moltar's a director. Aren't you, Moltar?
Yeah. Check it out.
Ta-da.
See, zorak?
Hey, Space Ghost, how about you let me direct your movie?
Moltar, Moltar, Moltar, Moltar, Moltar, Moltar.
Heh heh!
That's very thoughtful of you, but your specialty is cartoons.
So?
So cartoons are kid stuff. I need
someone with real adult-film experience.
I'm sure you understand.
Oh, I do.
And would you lose the title card?
We're not doing three's company here.
Sure.
Aah!
Moltar, see me after the show.
It's a pleasure to be here.
Who are you?
UmAhem!
I'm Ben stiller.
Is that a wig?
It sure looks like a wig.
Sorry about that, Ben. Can we get you anything?
I probably could use some coffee.
Yeah.
Coffee would be good.
Um
Psst! Ben?
Yeah?
You have a kind face.
Thank you.
The kind you would like to do what to, zorak?
The kind I'd like to chew off and
spit on and spit up and stomp on
you know what?
I'm not finished yet. And slap and push
and kick and
Push, and push, and Zorak, I enjoy the
Your ribald sense of humor that you bring to the show.
Yeah, I'm ribald.
And I think you are a necessary evil
Yeah, I'm evil.
If you will, on this show.
Yeah, I will.
And I think you guys have a great
little repartee thing happening.
Don't mind zorak, Ben. He's just a squirrel.
Ok, uh
Uh-oh.
Hang on.
Thank you.
Ooh!
Anyway, I think you should direct my movie.
Yeah cable guy 2 starring Space Ghost you could be the kooky guy
who comes and hooks up let me get with my people, Ben.
I'll get back to you on that.
Zorak, Moltar, meeting.
Gentlemen?
Stinks.
Pass-adena.
Ben, we love the idea, so we're going to pass.
Moltar and zorak, they just don't share our vision.
Ok, thank you.
Moltar and zorak. Heh heh.
Ben, you been making movies since before you were born.
If you could give me any advice about
my movie career, what would it be?
I would start out with comedy, like you're doing.
Start Out With Ok,
start out with comedy, like I'm doing.
Do the stand-up. I'd love to see you do some stand-up.
The stand-up. Like this?
Uh Is this funny?
No.
How about floating?
Ok.
Is that funny?
Is that funny?
Ha ha!
No.
Ha ha ha!
Now, if I'm not completely satisfied,
you say I get a full refund?
That sounds fair. And still keep my miracle hat?
Yeah, I think I do know a couple
of people who may be interested.
No.
Ok.
Zorak, you want in on this?
Hey, how are you, ghost?
I'm on the phone, that's how.
Rude.
Ok, put me down for 6 dozen more.
Yeah, I can hold.
Where did you get that sweater?
It looks cheap.
I hate it.
Ok, then. Thank you so much.
Bye now.
All righty. Identify yourself, Kevin.
I'm Kevin Smith.
I directed clerks and mallrats and chasing Amy.
And thats why you're here to discuss my movie um,
I guess I should pitch you
something, huh? Are you up for that?
Um, I guess I should pitch you something,
huh? Are you up for that?
I'm up for sitting by the pool and watching the Jack roll in.
I'm up for a peabody.
Squirrels don't win awards.
Stupid squirrel.
Zorak.
Kevin.
Zorak!
Kevin!
Zorak!
Space Ghost!
Ha ha! Sorry.
So, Kevin, what's the plan?
What now? Where to? Whats next for the Space Ghost
I think you just need to work with the right director.
I think you just need to work with the right director.
So I'm sure this is boring zorak,
but yeah, I turned off my ears 5
minutes ago.
Then how did you know what he said?
Huh?
I said, if you turned off your ears,
how did you know what Kevin said?
What?
I said, if you huh?
I said, if you turned did you say turned off?
Yup.
I said, if you turned off your ears,
how did you know what Kevin said!?
I said, if you turned off your ears,
how did you know what Kevin said!?
Ooh.
Zorak?
Zorak?
Aah!
Floating isn't funny.
Ha ha ha! Tad.
You laughing at me, boy?
No, I didn't mean I was laughing with you.
But I wasn't laughing, was I?
No, you hadn't.
No, I hadn't, had I?
No, not really.
So it's all settled then.
Now I have a contract drawn up for you to direct my movie
all you need to do is sign it and then go away.
I'd be up for that. I'd sign a waiver.
Actually, it's a little more binding than a waiver.
It's more like a trap.
So, if you could just go ahead and sign that,
we'll begin principal
photography in, what, say, 10 minutes?
You are taking care of business.
He is taking care of business, zorak, isn't he?
Screwy, ain't it?
Never mind the big bug.
Bust the power band move.
Listen, Kevin, if you're not going to take this seriously
I have a question though where's the monkey that's it!
Monkey can't get a break in this business.
Moltar!
Cue fire.
Aah!
Meeting.
Is everyone here?
Yup. Yup.
Good.
All righty! Please say hello to my
last and final guest Jim jarmusch!
I'm really happy to be here,
but I'm a little confused because I, uh
Ok, quit horsing around, Moltar. You're embarrassing me.
That's better. Thanks.
The last thing I remember was I was
asleep at home in my bed and then
there was this really intense white
light that I usually see skyrockets.
Ha ha! I see.
Yes. Then the depression and guilt.
Really?
I don't need to tell you that
Out loud.
Meeting.
Hey, could I say hi to some of my friends in the cartoon world?
Cause I've never been in like in cartoon
world how you doing there, partner?
See you later.
Actually, Jim, I aah!
Ah, I love that.
Psst! Jim!
Yeah?
You have a kind face.
Meeting!
Anyway, about my movie.
You could, like, grow an extra head, or, you know, die and come
back to life, or, uh
Meeting.
Hello hello hello
Hello?
Sorry, Jim, but we're in a hurry and the only reason you're here
is that you're a director.
So help me or leave.
Yeah, I-I-I-I, uh, what, uh, what's up with zorak? Is he a
He's like some kind of outer space grasshopper, or something?
Help me or leave, Jim.
Is he related is he like the evil
twin of jiminy cricket? You know?
Help me or leave, Jim.
And another thing I wanted to ask you,
you know, wear your underwear on the
outside of your pants?
Moltar.
Aaah!
Ah, heck. I'll just direct it myself.
Help me!
Oh, be quiet.
and Mr. black says, "you won't stop me."
Mr. white says, "yes, I will stop you!"
I read that wrong.
"Yes, I will stop you!"
Hmm.
"Robotic space worm enters, "destroys city.
"The end.
Or is it?"
Greetings! I'm Space Ghost, architect of the future.
Welcome to the show.
So, how was your weekend, zorak?
I, uh, I did some volunteer work over at the orphanage.
Well, I was
Yeah.
I was finishing up my screenplay, and it's brilliant.
Brilliant!
Now play me to the desk.
Some of my director pals are dropping by the studio tonight.
And if one of them plays his cards right,
I'll affix him to my movie.
You don't know any directors.
Sure I do. Moltar's a director. Aren't you, Moltar?
Yeah. Check it out.
Ta-da.
See, zorak?
Hey, Space Ghost, how about you let me direct your movie?
Moltar, Moltar, Moltar, Moltar, Moltar, Moltar.
Heh heh!
That's very thoughtful of you, but your specialty is cartoons.
So?
So cartoons are kid stuff. I need
someone with real adult-film experience.
I'm sure you understand.
Oh, I do.
And would you lose the title card?
We're not doing three's company here.
Sure.
Aah!
Moltar, see me after the show.
It's a pleasure to be here.
Who are you?
UmAhem!
I'm Ben stiller.
Is that a wig?
It sure looks like a wig.
Sorry about that, Ben. Can we get you anything?
I probably could use some coffee.
Yeah.
Coffee would be good.
Um
Psst! Ben?
Yeah?
You have a kind face.
Thank you.
The kind you would like to do what to, zorak?
The kind I'd like to chew off and
spit on and spit up and stomp on
you know what?
I'm not finished yet. And slap and push
and kick and
Push, and push, and Zorak, I enjoy the
Your ribald sense of humor that you bring to the show.
Yeah, I'm ribald.
And I think you are a necessary evil
Yeah, I'm evil.
If you will, on this show.
Yeah, I will.
And I think you guys have a great
little repartee thing happening.
Don't mind zorak, Ben. He's just a squirrel.
Ok, uh
Uh-oh.
Hang on.
Thank you.
Ooh!
Anyway, I think you should direct my movie.
Yeah cable guy 2 starring Space Ghost you could be the kooky guy
who comes and hooks up let me get with my people, Ben.
I'll get back to you on that.
Zorak, Moltar, meeting.
Gentlemen?
Stinks.
Pass-adena.
Ben, we love the idea, so we're going to pass.
Moltar and zorak, they just don't share our vision.
Ok, thank you.
Moltar and zorak. Heh heh.
Ben, you been making movies since before you were born.
If you could give me any advice about
my movie career, what would it be?
I would start out with comedy, like you're doing.
Start Out With Ok,
start out with comedy, like I'm doing.
Do the stand-up. I'd love to see you do some stand-up.
The stand-up. Like this?
Uh Is this funny?
No.
How about floating?
Ok.
Is that funny?
Is that funny?
Ha ha!
No.
Ha ha ha!
Now, if I'm not completely satisfied,
you say I get a full refund?
That sounds fair. And still keep my miracle hat?
Yeah, I think I do know a couple
of people who may be interested.
No.
Ok.
Zorak, you want in on this?
Hey, how are you, ghost?
I'm on the phone, that's how.
Rude.
Ok, put me down for 6 dozen more.
Yeah, I can hold.
Where did you get that sweater?
It looks cheap.
I hate it.
Ok, then. Thank you so much.
Bye now.
All righty. Identify yourself, Kevin.
I'm Kevin Smith.
I directed clerks and mallrats and chasing Amy.
And thats why you're here to discuss my movie um,
I guess I should pitch you
something, huh? Are you up for that?
Um, I guess I should pitch you something,
huh? Are you up for that?
I'm up for sitting by the pool and watching the Jack roll in.
I'm up for a peabody.
Squirrels don't win awards.
Stupid squirrel.
Zorak.
Kevin.
Zorak!
Kevin!
Zorak!
Space Ghost!
Ha ha! Sorry.
So, Kevin, what's the plan?
What now? Where to? Whats next for the Space Ghost
I think you just need to work with the right director.
I think you just need to work with the right director.
So I'm sure this is boring zorak,
but yeah, I turned off my ears 5
minutes ago.
Then how did you know what he said?
Huh?
I said, if you turned off your ears,
how did you know what Kevin said?
What?
I said, if you huh?
I said, if you turned did you say turned off?
Yup.
I said, if you turned off your ears,
how did you know what Kevin said!?
I said, if you turned off your ears,
how did you know what Kevin said!?
Ooh.
Zorak?
Zorak?
Aah!
Floating isn't funny.
Ha ha ha! Tad.
You laughing at me, boy?
No, I didn't mean I was laughing with you.
But I wasn't laughing, was I?
No, you hadn't.
No, I hadn't, had I?
No, not really.
So it's all settled then.
Now I have a contract drawn up for you to direct my movie
all you need to do is sign it and then go away.
I'd be up for that. I'd sign a waiver.
Actually, it's a little more binding than a waiver.
It's more like a trap.
So, if you could just go ahead and sign that,
we'll begin principal
photography in, what, say, 10 minutes?
You are taking care of business.
He is taking care of business, zorak, isn't he?
Screwy, ain't it?
Never mind the big bug.
Bust the power band move.
Listen, Kevin, if you're not going to take this seriously
I have a question though where's the monkey that's it!
Monkey can't get a break in this business.
Moltar!
Cue fire.
Aah!
Meeting.
Is everyone here?
Yup. Yup.
Good.
All righty! Please say hello to my
last and final guest Jim jarmusch!
I'm really happy to be here,
but I'm a little confused because I, uh
Ok, quit horsing around, Moltar. You're embarrassing me.
That's better. Thanks.
The last thing I remember was I was
asleep at home in my bed and then
there was this really intense white
light that I usually see skyrockets.
Ha ha! I see.
Yes. Then the depression and guilt.
Really?
I don't need to tell you that
Out loud.
Meeting.
Hey, could I say hi to some of my friends in the cartoon world?
Cause I've never been in like in cartoon
world how you doing there, partner?
See you later.
Actually, Jim, I aah!
Ah, I love that.
Psst! Jim!
Yeah?
You have a kind face.
Meeting!
Anyway, about my movie.
You could, like, grow an extra head, or, you know, die and come
back to life, or, uh
Meeting.
Hello hello hello
Hello?
Sorry, Jim, but we're in a hurry and the only reason you're here
is that you're a director.
So help me or leave.
Yeah, I-I-I-I, uh, what, uh, what's up with zorak? Is he a
He's like some kind of outer space grasshopper, or something?
Help me or leave, Jim.
Is he related is he like the evil
twin of jiminy cricket? You know?
Help me or leave, Jim.
And another thing I wanted to ask you,
you know, wear your underwear on the
outside of your pants?
Moltar.
Aaah!
Ah, heck. I'll just direct it myself.
Help me!
Oh, be quiet.